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Iplier '06

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[ A marching band version of “Die Young” by Ke$ha plays as a royal boat floats across a lake between a kingdom ]

[There’s a ceremony going on while Y/N, the heir of a kingdom, does a special ceremony thing with fire!]

Y/N, waving to the crowd: Hi! Hello! Oh my gosh, you guys are too much!

Crowd Member #1: Sign my socks!

Crowd Member #2: Heir, sign my birth certificate!

Crowd Member #3: Take my house!

Crowd Member #4: Sign my tax forms!

Crowd Member #5: Sign my toes!

Crowd Member #6: My bed is made of scorpions.

Crowd Member #7: … What?

Crowd Member #8: You should get that fixed!

[Y/N makes it to the stadium with Priest Ethan, handing them a torch. Y/N stares into the flames intensely]

Y/N, internally: Wow, this fire is so bright. It’s beautiful. I can’t stop looking at it. (really selling it) Whoa.

[Y/N suddenly has a vision of the torch being turned into fire, and then into the Grand Slam, burning everything]

Y/N: It’s like it’s spinning within me…

[The Grand Slam roars, ending Y/N’s vision to the present]

Y/N: Oh shit! That’s outside- outside of me… Okay… Yes. I’m good!

Priest Ethan: Heir, you had a That’s So Raven vision once more.

Y/N: Oh no, I just day-dreamed. I’m here- for the people.

Priest Ethan: Alright, well, let’s get litty in this bitch. Light that bitch up right now.

Y/N, raising the torch: I will light this bitch up, right now.

Priest Ethan: Thank you, Heir. We’re gonna get higher than a kite tonight!

Y/N: It’s lit, fam.

[Crowd cheers as Y/N lights the bitch up, setting fireworks to go off]

Crowd Member #9: Yay! I love the olympics!

Crowd Member #10: Oh man, I hope somebody fucks up the fireworks!

[Y/N waves to the crowd before getting interrupted by explosions that DEFINITELY didn’t come from the fireworks]

[A huge ship soars overhead, dropping off many many many many MANY red (Elliot), green (Lenny), and yellow (Oliver) Googles (yes I gave them names cuz if Oliver gets a name, why not the rest?), surrounding the Heir Y/N]

Elliot #1: We are the robots!

Lenny #1: Please freeze!

Oliver #1: There’s too much weight.

Elliot #2: Please freeze!

Lenny #2: Please freeze!

Oliver #2: Am I doing this right? It’s my first day on the job.

Elliots, Lennys, & Olivers: Please freeze!

[A smaller ship hovers down, and as it lands, it reveals Captain Magnum and his old pirate-y self, making the greatest comeback in all of Markiplier Cinematic Universe history]

Captain Magnum: (chuckles) Why, ahoy there, young Heir! Do ye like me outfit? Me four coat nipples? Now- ye must acquire me by getting on this boat right now! Not the boat- my ship!

[Y/N flinches, utterly horrified of Magnum’s terrible new lines, and clenches on a special emerald that the Captain wants for… powers, I guess. He’s been a pirate for a while and it’s not going very well with his mental health]

Captain Magnum: Gimme this- (noticing the emerald) You have an emerald! In yer hands! Gimme that shit right now, or I’m gonna rip it off you me goddamn self- Give it to me!

Y/N: Uh, how about no? Heheh…

Captain Magnum: Oh. You’d rather do this the hard way. Well, then it looks like we’re gonna…

[A mix of a black and red tornado swirls around Y/N and the returned Magnum]

Captain Magnum: Belay that, these aren’t tornadoes! This isn’t Arizona! What’s happening?!

[The tornado disrupts itself, and after a gust of wind, it reveals friggin MARK FISCHBACH HIMSELF]

Mark: My! That’s a pretty snazzy performance there.

[Y/N gasps, having a quick vision of somebody else who looks a lot like Mark, but it is not quite him]

Damien: Eh?!

[Back to the present, and Mark looks around as if he already knows how to get Y/N out of this situation]

Mark: HmMMmMm…

Captain Magnum: Get that goddamn scallywag!

[The three Googles get gun arms, and fire at Mark, but since he’s Sonic in this hell of a parody OF a parody, he’s too fast for them and outwits them all]

Oliver #3: Oh my God, he’s an acrobat!

Mark: I’m gonna kill all of you!

[He pokes a red Google with the tips of his toes, and it sends the red Google to fall off a ledge]

Elliot #3: (agonizing scream)

Mark: Ope, don’t fall!

[He zips over to Y/N]

Mark: HAHA, HA-

[He points a finger up]

Mark: O N E !

[He scoops Y/N in his arms and zooms right off]

Mark: Come on, buddy!

Captain Magnum: Mark, where do ye reckon ye’re going, ye motherfucking-?! Urgh, he’s COCKBLOCKING ME, GET HIM!

[The Googles fire missiles, but Mark and Y/N are already so far away]

Mark: Never gonna get me~! (to Y/N) Don’t worry, Magnum’s an egghead.

Captain Magnum, from far away: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!

[While this chaos is happening, a time-travelled Mayor Damien is thrown into the mix!]

Damien: Oh, I should… uh… I- I guess he’s got it handled. I’ll just… I mean, it’d be really awkward if I walked in now, so…