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The R&D Department Needs New Role Models

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A beat passed in silence as they studied the tapes of the ambush. Nick had been pretty reluctant to let Melinda May work on the same team as Phil Coulson, because as far as he was concerned, both of them were similar pains in his ass, and he’d have liked them where he could keep his eye on them. Separately.

But the fact had remained that Melinda hadn’t wanted anything to do with field work after the whole Cavalry incident, and Phil had been the only one able to get her out of the office. He’d had no choice but to let them be. Even though they were still a massive collective pain in his ass.

He hadn’t been made Director for nothing, though, and he’d allowed it with a single caveat; that they allow their tapes to be used for training purposes back in the Academy. Honestly, the things they got up to were gold, and if they got a single graduate of that calibre every year, Nick would have considered it a job well done.

But this…

Sitwell rewound the tapes (metaphorically, because no one used tapes anymore) so that they could watch it from the beginning. Again.

“Is that a Roomba?” the unnamed female asked, looking highly amused and completely unconcerned, before light exploded from the device, blinding her and giving Melinda a chance to take her down with minimum effort, executing a flawless kick to her lower back.

Fury sighed and resisted the urge to hide his face behind his hands. No doubt some idiots in R&D were incredibly excited about the successful use of their proprietary tech, but god. As if the actual Roombas roaming the halls of SHIELD and Stark Tower weren’t bad enough. “Stark will never hear about this.” It wasn’t a question. “Got it?” he snapped.

Several people in the room saluted smartly, and he hoped like anything that they wouldn’t spill the beans. Stark was an unbearable dick anyway, and this would only serve to convince the idiot that he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. And find, Stark might have been pretty damn impressive but Nick would be damned if he admitted it to the man.

The last thing he wanted the man to find out was that SHIELD researchers had been so inspired by his motherfucking robots, that they’d built something very similar in homage. His head would explode from his swelling ego.

Really, he could think of very few things worse than an even more arrogant Stark. Not on his watch.

“And Hill,” he said, turning around to face her, continuing out loud a thought that had begun in his head. “Send me the morons who designed that thing.”