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Old, Dead Dreams

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Georgie dreams, in gray colours and hurt feelings, and then she wakes up.

Thinking about losing Alex used to feel like an old wound, on the other side of a tarnished glass. But telling everything to Jon has made all memories resurface. Georgie can't believe she had forgotten Alex’s cute dimples, when she wore her mischievous smile. It was a hard price to pay, for forgetting that death was everywhere and life had no meaning.

She could see the monster's gray skin, hear the tone of her words. She had forgotten all this; how did she forget? How does she remember now? Her dreams are not like this. Her dreams are usually short and broken and nonsensical, even funny, and she likes them that way.

The only good thing is that - she didn't have the time to mourn Alex at the time, too lost in her own gray dead world. It feels so fresh that she cries for her lost love for the first time. Tears are good. They make her feel alive, they wash away the eternal death of the dream.

With any luck it won't ever happen again.


Jon is in the dream.

The exact same dream, because of course it happened again. Georgie’s stupid brain has solidly connected the trauma of losing her first girlfriend to a monster, and the trauma of her ex-boyfriend turning into one.

It's not surprising, she thinks. Already, when they met, Jon and Georgie tentatively connected over believing in the paranormal. She planned to do a podcast about it, she had said, featuring scientific methods and objective research. He was similar, haughtily interested in old occult texts. And he never questioned anything about her motivations, never noticed her lack of fear, while she never thought anything of having to get the spiders out for him.

She had had fantasies about finding Alex, when she had started her podcast. About investigating the secrets police and hospitals were keeping from the public.

She had given that up by the time she had met Jon, though. It had seemed childish, to imagine that it was possible, or that it would have made things better for either of them.

She was still hoping that the police who had taken what was left of Alex and the rest were hurting the monster who had done this, very badly.


The nightmares about Jon and Alex don't stop, and Georgie can no longer lie to herself. This is no normal trauma. This is Jon’s tapes, doing something to her. She looks at him with severe eyes, wonders if he knows. He looks confused, and he's not good at dissembling, so he probably doesn't.

She was terrified, at this point, in real life. In the dream, she is not, and she can feel the whole nightmare world digging, clawing at her mind in order to squeeze from her a bit of fear. It doesn't work, but it aggravates the sadness and the loss, making the memory of Alex even more vivid. Oh, they had been so happy together, and it had been so short.

There's still no fear when she wakes up, but a deep anger. She thinks about Alex, who was always angry, never afraid.

As she dreams again she looks at the giant Eye in the sky that wants to crush her, and tries to resent it enough to forgive Jon.