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my first love

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3 years ago..

Jimin dislikes boys. More and more after middle school started. He can’t stand them. They are violent, noisy and uncivilized in general. However in their midst, there is one boy that Jimin didn’t dislike at all. Min Yoongi, from the neighboring class. He’s somewhat different to Jimin. Yoongi has a small build, and his voice, rather than low and rough, it’s clear and smooth. Maybe that’s the reason why Jimin is okay with him.

School finally ended and as always, Jimin walked back home with his girl best friend, Sunjin. They were walking on a path beside a big, beautiful park.

“Rock, Paper, Scissors!!”

Jimin turned his head at the sound of the boys playing and laughing. Sunjin spots Kai with some of his friends. And, as always, she quickly ran up to him. She had a crush on Kai since forever.

“Oh, Kai! What are you doing?”

“We are playing cops and robbers. We’re splitting into teams.” Kai responded.

“Cops and Robbers??” Jimin was just standing beside her, looking at the boys. Ah.. Yoongi is here. Their eyes met for a split second.

“I want to join!!” Sunjin shouted.

“Huh really? Okay then!!”

“Yay!! Jimin you too, come and play!!”

“Oh no, no, I’ll just watch.”

“Oh come on, please?” Jimin could feel the stares at him. He didn’t feel like playing, he kind of thought that playing with the boys was a bit..

Jimin’s gaze traveled through the stares of the ones that were waiting impatiently for his answer. He stopped when his eyes met Yoongi’s again. Somehow, when he looked at Yoongi, he forgot about everything that surrounded him. “Okay.. I’ll play.”

“Great! Then let’s decide who the robbers and cops are!” Kai shouted.

After deciding, Jimin ended up being a robber, like Yoongi. The cops started counting and all the robbers started running away and look for a place to hide onto.

While running around, Jimin spotted a perfect place to hide at the playground, it was behind a small playhouse used by the kids. Jimin ran up to it, only to find someone hiding there already.

It was Yoongi.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll go somewhere else.” Jimin turned around to leave but he felt a strong grip on his arm pulling him back.

“Ah, right now is not good. The cops are here, they’re going to see you.”

“Oh true, thanks.”

“Hide behind me.”

“O-okay.” Jimin moved behind Yoongi, looking at his back while he was peeking to watch the cops. Yoongi is pretty strong, that’s surprising. The bones in his arms are really prominent. Ah, the nape of his neck is cute.

While Jimin is admiring Yoongi’s form, Yoongi suddenly threw himself back moving closer to Jimin, REALLY close.

“Woah. That was dangerous! They nearly saw me.” Waaaaaaah! He is really close right now!!

Jimin held his breath not wanting Yoongi to notice how close they were. He wanted to move back, but his body was not responding. His mind and body weren’t working together. Jimin felt like his head move on its own closer to him to smell some of Yoongi’s scent. His hair smells like shampoo, and there’s just a bit of sweat. Somehow, I like it. I wonder if that is how all boys smell like.

Yoongi noticing, turned around his head towards Jimin. Jimin is shocked, his eyes grew big because of how close their faces were. Yoongi stared at him. Seeing Yoongi close made Jimin realize how handsome he was. His eyes, nose, lips. Jimin were lost in thoughts and didn’t realize how much he was staring at Yoongi’s lips. He quickly looked up at Yoongi, hoping that he didn’t noticed him. But Jimin wasn’t able to keep eye contact with him after that. He looked away blushing.

Ahhhh what do I do? What if Yoongi can read minds and knows what I was thinking right now? I’m sorry. I’ll stop thinking weird things! Ahh Jimin Pabo! Think of something else!! Ehhh… pizza! Yes, I like Pizza!

Yoongi stared at Jimin and a small smirk formed at the corner of his lips seeing Jimin’s flushed and anxious expression.

Both of them froze when they heard someone approaching them. Yoongi quickly turned around and peeked to check on the cops again. A cop was about to find them.

“Stay here.” Yoongi said to Jimin.

“W-wait, wha-” Jimin wasn’t able to finish his sentence since Yoongi stood up quickly and started running away, catching the cop’s attention who started running behind him.

In the end, Yoongi got caught. But he somewhat seemed really happy. He was taken to the middle of the park inside a circle in the ground made with a tree branch that represented as the prison.

Jimin looked at Yoongi from where they hided. He got caught for my sake. Why does this make me feel so happy? Jimin could feel his cheeks getting hotter. If an ally touches him, he can leave the prison and hide again. OKAY! I have to help him. Wait for me, Yoongi!

Jimin started running as fast as he could to save Yoongi. He was half way there when Yoongi noticed someone approaching him quickly. He turned his head towards Jimin. Yoongi’s eyes were focused on Jimin as he ran, making Yoongi’s eyes grew big. Jimin’s hair was bouncing in the air, his breathing is heavy and cheeks were flushed. Yoongi was shocked.

Until..

“Caught you!!”

All the courage that Jimin built up to go and rescue Yoongi vanished when he felt a pair of hands grabbing him. “I was nearly there!!” Yoongi didn’t take his eyes off Jimin until the cop brought him to the said prison, right next to him. Yoongi then lowered his gaze looking at the floor. There was an awkward silence surrounding them. “..I was trying to help you.”

“Yeah..”

Silence fell again. Jimin looked down at the ground. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me.

Jimin rolled his eyes up to him, catching a glimpse of his profile. His sight focused on Yoongi’s bare nape. The shape of the neck of his nape is really cute.

“..Um, thanks.” He let out suddenly. He didn’t dare to move his gaze from the ground. D-did he heard what I said just now? Did I say it out loud?? “-When you came running for me, I was pretty- no, very, happy.” Jimin felt his heart thumping really loud and his cheeks flushing again. I thought he heard what I said about his nape oh my god.

Ahhh, Jimin really is different from the other boys. I don’t dislike him at all.

“Yeah..” Jimin’s voice trembled. As he was looking at Yoongi, he could see a faint blush on his cheek and a small smile.

Ever since that day, whenever our eyes met, without fail, we’ll look away once, and then our eyes would meet again.

 

A few days later..

Last period ended and Jimin went to his locker to pick up his bag. He said goodbye to his friends and left school, heading home. Today Sunjin didn’t come to school, so Jimin had to go home by his self. Jimin were walking home when he felt a drop on his head. He looked up. It was trickling. The sky was covered by dark clouds. Then little drops started pouring faster and faster and suddenly became a heavy rain.

“Great, just great. And I don’t even have an umbrella.” Jimin tried to cover his head using his hands while running to find shelter from the rain. He ran up to the first place he saw. It was under a roof of a small house.

He was waiting for the rain to calm down. His hair and clothes were soaking. Jimin were trying to fix his hair and clothes, which now were a mess, when from the corner of his eyes, he saw someone standing at the other side of the house. He looked over to see who that person is. His eyes grew big when he saw Yoongi standing there, also taking shelter from the rain. His heart started beating faster when the boy turned around and saw Jimin looking at him.

Yoongi politely bowed at him and Jimin bowed back, blushing a little. He looked away, not daring to look back at the pale skinned boy. There was a long silence. Somehow his presence made Jimin feel really nervous.

The silence was making Jimin feel really uncomfortable, he wanted to say something but couldn’t think of a single thing on what to say. He wondered if Yoongi is feeling nervous too.

“It’s pouring all of a sudden, huh?” Jimin looked at him, surprised by the fact that he was trying to create some kind of conversation with him. He felt so happy.

“Yeah..” Ahhh I could’ve come up with a better reply that ‘yeah’. I don’t dislike Yoongi, but.. I still feel kind of nervous. Why..? It’s kind of, as if, I liked hi- Jimin blushed really hard just at the thought. Wait! No way! Me? It can’t be, I mean, how embarrassing! I need to continue with some kind of conversation, this is too awkward!

Jimin looked around to find some inspiration on what he could possibly say when he saw a poster on the wall of the summer festival that was coming up. “Are you going to the festival?!”

“Huh?” Yoongi looked at him with big eyes and Jimin could see how he started blushing. Jimin blushed himself when he realized the words that came out of his mouth. Shit! Did that sound like an invitation? How humiliating! I have to try and fix this! “I wonder if Sunjin is coming, I have to ask her.” How embarrassing. I’m being lame. I wonder what he thought of to what I meant. Yoongi didn’t answer. He took a shirt from his bag. “You can use this if you want.”

“Huh?” Yoongi came closer to him and placed his shirt on Jimin’s head. “What? What is this for?”

“Use it to dry yourself, so you won’t catch a cold. Don’t worry, I haven’t used that one… only more than once.”

“WAAH! Then you already used it!”

Yoongi started laughing. This was the first time Jimin saw him laughing brightly. He has a cute gummy smile. That’s quite a mischievous laugh.

“Whatever, I’ll use it.” Jimin said, smiling. “Thank you.”

“Mmm.. Use it.” he said while turning around to hide his face. So Jimin is facing Yoongi’s back. I wonder what face he’s making right now.

Jimin stepped forward a bit, moving to Yoongi’s side to take a look at him. His cheeks and ears were red, and he was pursing his lips, trying not to smile like an idiot.

I wonder, whether Yoongi also, Maybe? Or maybe not.

 

The next day..

It was lunch time, and Jimin ran to Yoongi’s classroom to return the shirt he gave him. He was really nervous to face him again after what happened yesterday. Just in time, he saw him leaving his class.

“Yoongi!!” Yoongi turned around when he heard Jimin’s voice. Jimin walked up to him and handed him his shirt. “Your shirt. Thank you for lending it to me.”

“Yeah..”

“Then see y-” Jimin was cut off when Yoongi grabbed his hand before he could leave.

“The summer festival. Are you going?”

“Huh?”

“Did you already made plans with your friends?”

“Umm, not ye-” Jimin wasn’t able to finish his sentence again when Yoongi cut him off.

“7 o’clock. At Dosan Park, by the clock.” Jimin could feel he was really nervous. He was confused. Uh what? Was that an invitation to go together?

“Uh, I uhm-”

“Oooooh?! What are you two doing, just the two of you?” Suddenly one of Yoongi’s friends appeared by the door and interrupted Jimin once again.

“He just returned me something.” Yoongi replied quickly, walking back inside his classroom.

“Oh, is that so? Huh.” The boy who cut off Jimin’s word said. Jimin started blushing. Did we just made plans? “Hey, say, you two, was that really all?” Jimin didn’t answer. “Hey, I’m talking to you!” Ugh I really don’t like boys. Yoongi is the only one I’m okay with. “Come on tell me!” Yoongi only. The boy grabbed Jimin’s arm, not wanting to let him go until he answer him. Jimin slapped that boy’s hand away from him.

“Stop it already, you’re annoying! This is exactly why I don’t like boys. You act like idiots! I REALLY HATE BOYS!!” The boy was shocked. Jimin was also shocked to the fact that those words came out of his mouth. He saw someone standing by the door, looking at him.

Yoongi.. Did he heard what I said?

Yoongi looked down to the floor, not being able to hide his shocked expression. Without a word, he walked off.

But he knows that he’s different right? I mean, our eyes have been, meeting all the time.

 

Since that day, whenever their eyes met, he looked down. Not meeting Jimin’s again.

It’s fine. He understands. He knows I think of him differently even if I don’t say it. Even if I don’t spell it out. He definitely knows.

 

The day of the summer festival arrived. Jimin prepared his self a lot for this day. But he still felt nervous after all. He arrived at 6:50pm at Dosan Park, not wanting to be late. He waited for Yoongi by the clock, as he told him.

Jimin waited there, watching the people who walked by while the clock is ticking.

7pm. He’s going to be there soon!!

Jimin were so excited yet nervous. He was thinking of what he could say to avoid any awkward silences.

7:30pm. Did something happen to him? He probably had something to do and couldn’t made it on time. I’ll wait a bit more.

 

8pm. Maybe he misunderstood after all. He thinks I hate him and he probably hates me too. Maybe he never invited me in the first place.

Jimin still waited until 8:30pm to see if he would come, but there was no sign for Yoongi anywhere. It was getting dark and Jimin finally went back home, with all of his hopes on the floor.

The summer vacation started the day after. Even though summer vacations are what students like the most, Jimin just wanted the vacation to end and for the second semester to start really soon. He really wanted to know what Yoongi meant that day and if he really thought if Jimin hated him. He wanted to make it clear that he was different. He waited impatiently to see Yoongi again.

The second semester started. Jimin is really excited. He arrived at school and greeted his friends. He was looking around finding Yoongi. He just wanted to talk to him and make things clear.

“HUUH?! Yoongi transferred??! He moved over the holidays?!”

“What? No one heard about him at all! Did something happen?”

“No one knows his new address? For real?!”

Jimin couldn’t believe it. By the start of the second semester, Yoongi disappeared. He could felt his eyes welling up. He felt a pain inside his heart that he never felt before. He quickly tried to stop his tears. He told his self to not let that affect him, but deep down, it really did. He tried his best to continue school as if nothing ever happened.

 

1 month later..

“Bye Sunjin! I’m going to leave first for today!”

“Okay! Take care!”

Jimin left school and started walking home. He felt a drop on his head. It started raining all of a sudden.

“Oh no, Not again.” He started running to find shelter once again, and without even thinking, he went straight to the same familiar place. Under the same roof. Under the same roof where he and Yoongi once were.

He looked at the other side of the house, where Yoongi once was, even though he knew no one would be there. And as he thought, no one was there.

Of course he wouldn’t be here right now.

He started thinking on what Yoongi told him that day.

“It’s pouring all of a sudden, huh?” Not just ‘Yeah..’ I’m coming up with something better next time.

Next time…

Jimin looked up at the sky, remembering his gummy smile. He couldn’t control his eyes that’s welling up and a tear rolled down his cheek.

Next time... When would that be?

Like the sky, Jimin started crying. Tear drops falling like the rain, as deep inside he felt the pain.

I want to see him right now. Will I ever meet him again?

I liked Yoongi, it was vague, and fumbling, but, I liked him.

But nothing ever even started. Nothing at all. Yoongi, what face are you making right now?