The bigger they are, the harder they fall
I'm slicker than an oil spill
She say she won't, but I bet she will,
Swing your partner round and round
End of the night, it's going down
One more shot, another round
It's going down, I'm yelling timber
You better move, you better dance
Let's make a night, you won't remember
I'll be the one, you won't forget
- Pitbull ft. KE$HA, “Timber”
Timber (Going Down)
Clarke was slumped down in the back of the Lyft, staring at her phone screen with the faint scent of peppermint schnapps already on her breath. Several rainbow streamers speckled with glitter dangled from her hair and framed her stormy face.
Raven tugged the light-up glasses she was wearing down her nose just enough to look at Clarke over the tops of them.
“Come on, Clarke. It’s New Year’s Eve! Don’t let that asshole ruin it for you.”
Clarke snorted, locking her phone and laying it in her lap. “How am I supposed to do that, Raven?”
Raven took a lollipop from the mini snack bar the driver had set up, then seemed to reconsider and grabbed three more, stuffing them in her pocket. She opened the first one, stuffing it in her mouth and talking around it.
“I dunno. Same way I did, reminding yourself every five minutes that he’s an asshole until you’re over him?”
Clarke sighed, rubbing her face as her phone pinged again. “I feel like an idiot. Like, I should’ve seen this coming, considering how we..”
Raven reached over and rubbed her back comfortingly, her voice sympathetic. “So, we both fucked the same idiot and got fucked over in return. You know what that means?”
“What?” Clarke glanced up at her, trying to resist the urge to check her phone again.
Raven took the lollipop and pushed it into Clarke’s mouth, patting her back gently as she gasped in surprise. “It means we’re on the prowl tonight. We’re gonna get laid if it kills me.”
Clarke rolled her eyes. “Yeah, cause there’s nothing that turns me on more than my boyfriend texting dick picks to other girls. Again.” She picked up her phone to check the three texts Finn had sent to her just since locking her phone, and Raven struck quickly, taking it from her.
“Raven, come on..” Clarke whined, taking the lollipop out of her mouth but holding onto it. “I’m not gonna text him back this time..”
“I know,” Raven said firmly, putting the phone in her own pocket as the Lyft turned onto the remote Trigeda Drive. She grabbed the other pair of light-up glasses and handed them to her. Clarke sighed heavily and put them on, giving Raven a dry look as the car slowed. “Trust me, I’m doing you a favor. Tomorrow, when you don’t wake up in Finn’s bed after a very poor, alcohol-induced decision to forgive him again, you’ll thank me.”
Clarke huffed a little as they began climbing out of the car, and thanked the driver. “I’m not taking him back this time, Rae. Seriously.”
“Good, then you don’t need your phone anyway. All of your people are right here,” Raven replied, pointing at the modest house they stood in front of. The squat, wooden building was only slightly more than a cabin, but it was lit up with a myriad of flashing colors and the bass of the music was pounding. A bonfire was already burning in the front yard, and a bunch of people were clustered around it, trying to stay warm in the frozen evening.
Clarke glanced around as they made their way to the front door and smiled lightly despite herself. “I thought Octavia was crazy for moving out here with him, but I can definitely see the appeal of living in the middle of nowhere.”
As though summoned, Octavia appeared and pulled open the screen door, flinging herself into Clarke’s arms and hugging her tightly.
“Oh my god, Clarke. Raven told me, and I’m so sorry. Finn is such an asshole! He never deserved you, either of you! Fuck, it’s just so unfair. I mean, you gave him so many chances, you just keep on forgiving him and taking him back, and forgiving him and taking him back, and then he just does this to you over and over. I mean, like, fuck, you know?” Octavia lamented, practically hanging off Clarke’s shoulders, her voice choked up.
Clarke and Raven shared a look, and Clarke couldn’t hold back a bemused smirk. “I know. Cause you told me that last week. And every day since then. Had a few drinks already, O?”
Octavia laid her head on Clarke’s shoulder, her other arm wrapping around Raven’s waist and pulling her close as well. “I might’ve had a drink or two, but that’s not what this is. This is just—I just love you guys. You’re my best friends, and I love you, and I love your hair, and you just deserve better, damn it.”
Raven pet her head gently. “We love you too, you messy little drunken gremlin.”
Octavia sighed heavily as Clarke offered her the lollipop, taking it and stuffing it in her mouth with a dreamy smile. “You’re my favorite best friends.”
“Aren’t we your only best friends?” Raven pointed out.
“There’s Lincoln too,” she sighed in response. “But I lost him, and I can’t find him anywhere.” Her eyes flew open, starting to water a little. “You guys don’t think he left, do you?”
“Of course not,” Raven soothed her, rubbing her arm. “O, he lives here.”
“Oh.. You’re right. God, Raven, you’re so smart! I am so lucky to have you..”
Raven smiled, glancing towards the living room as they entered the house together. “I think I see Lincoln. Is he dressed like.. Baby New Year?”
Octavia’s head shot up, her eyes wide and hopeful. “Yes! You found him?!”
“Yep. Right there, by the fireplace,” Raven pointed, already leading them to the bar and starting to mix herself a drink.
Clarke’s eyes found Lincoln—dressed, as Raven had pointed out, in nothing but a top hat and length of gold fabric wrapped around him like a diaper—but they didn’t linger long, because he was talking to the most gorgeous woman Clarke had ever seen in her entire life. Her mouth rapidly grew dry as the girl laughed at something he was saying.
She threw back her head a little when she laughed, her long golden-brown hair shining as it reflected the multicolored light they stood under. She had a jawline that could probably cut glass, and even under her fitted green plaid flannel, Clarke could tell she had abdominals that most living creatures would happily kill for.
She watched the girl’s face light up as they were joined by another, very pretty girl, and Clarke swallowed hard when they hugged. Of course she was with someone. She was breathtaking; basically a literal, actual goddess. She’d probably had never gone a single day of her life without getting hit on.
Certainly, she could have her choice of anyone she wanted, and Clarke felt suddenly uncomfortable and inadequate within herself. Her rounded cheeks, the soft curve of her hips and stomach.. She was in decent enough shape, sure, but she didn’t make exercise much of a priority. Not like the absolute goddess she still couldn’t take her eyes off did, surely.
Clarke snapped herself out of her reverie when she realized Raven and Octavia were both staring at her, amused.
“See something you like?” Raven smirked, nudging her playfully.
Clarke swatted at her. “I’m just.. appreciating the view.”
Raven sighed as she took a sip of her now-heavily spiked eggnog. “Tell me about it.”
Clarke’s throat tightened just a bit, and Raven nudged her again. “Chill, Griff. I’m not talking about your eye candy. The crazy, ridiculously hot chick she just hugged.”
Clarke felt herself relax once more—though she had no idea why she’d reacted so viscerally, and she really didn’t want to think about it for too long--and sighed softly, allowing herself to continue staring at the girl.
“Why are all the hot ones taken? Or, you know, scumbags?”
“Pfftsh,” Octavia scoffed as she lined up a couple of shot glasses and started pouring tequila into them. “Those are Lincoln’s cousins, Lexa and Anya. They’re sisters, and they’re both single.”
“Single, huh?” Raven said, a sudden predatory tone to her voice as they each grabbed a shot glass. She knocked hers back first, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and pouring herself another. “Looks like I just made my New Year’s resolution.”
“Oh god,” Clarke muttered, taking her shot as well. “You know that’s supposed to be, like, some kind of self-improvement, right? Not just.. deciding to fuck someone you haven’t even met yet?”
Raven smirked at her as she tossed back another. “Myself would be very much improved by having that goddess underneath me by the time midnight rolls around.” She wiggled her eyebrows as she pushed the switch on the side of her light-up glasses, changing the mode to one that featured the rainbow dots chasing each other around her face in an endless loop. She gave them both fingerguns before turning away from them. “Catch you on the flip-flop, my hoes.”
“Good luck,” Clarke called after her.
“Don’t need it when I’ve got an ass like this.” Raven tossed her hair back and confidently walked up to join the little group by the fireplace, and Octavia patted Clarke’s shoulder as she leaned on her a bit once more.
“What about you, Clarke? I can introduce you to Lexa if you want,” she offered.
Clarke briefly considered it, especially as she watched Lexa turn slightly to greet Raven, giving Clarke a very nice view of her very tight, very curvy ass, silhouetted by the fire. After a moment, though, she shook her head.
“Uh, thanks, but.. I think I’m good, O.” Octavia started to protest a little, and Clarke lowered her voice. “I.. I’m not ready.. to be with anyone. Not yet.”
“Not saying you should marry her or anything.” Clarke just looked at her and shook her head. Octavia sighed heavily, but acquiesced, holding her hands up. “Okay, okay. Point taken. Fresh wounds and all that. I just want my bestie to be happy.” Clarke smiled a little as Octavia gave her a slightly damp kiss on the cheek. “I’m gonna go check on the baby.”
She watched Octavia almost trip over herself as she joined the group near the fireplace. Raven was already putting the moves on the slightly taller girl, Anya, and from what Clarke could tell from the wide smile and fire in Anya’s eyes, Raven was already succeeding at her resolution. She watched quietly as she lingered by the table, wishing she’d gotten her phone back from Raven first. She didn’t really know what to do with herself now, feeling the way she did, and began wishing she’d stayed home. Everyone else was having fun, and she was just standing by the table staring at some hot girl she didn’t even—
Lexa was staring back at her.
Clarke’s cheeks flushed, and she quickly dropped her eyes and grabbed a Corona from the floor cooler so she didn’t look like such a creeper. But when she glanced back up a minute later, Lexa was still staring at her, a vaguely playful look on her face.
She smiled? She smiled, Clarke thought. Right at me.
Raven, who was busy ‘accidentally’ bumping her arm against Anya’s as she offered her a lollipop from her pocket, glanced briefly at Lexa and then to Clarke, smirking with clear amusement at the latter.
Clarke just smiled back at Lexa, hoping her nervous grin looked less creepy than she anticipated it being. She felt her cheeks turning pink under Lexa’s flirty gaze, and then began to panic when she realized Lexa was walking towards her.
Oh, crap. Come on, Griff. Think of something cool and witty to say, she thought to herself.
But the closer Lexa got, the less English Clarke found herself with a grasp on. By the time she could see just how brilliantly green Lexa’s sparkling eyes were, her mouth was excessively dry and she wasn’t entirely sure what her own name was.
“Hey there,” Lexa said casually, just barely running the tip of her tongue over a naturally pouty lower lip.
Clarke briefly imagined that same tongue running over her own lips and completely malfunctioned, staring dumbly at Lexa’s lips. Lexa smiled a little, but it was more reserved than her last one as she wondered if she’d read the situation wrong.
“I like your glasses,” Lexa tried, grabbing a beer for herself.
Clarke dumbly touched the glowing ‘2020’ on her face, trying to remember how to speak. “Oh.. Uh, thanks,” she finally managed. “I have 20/20 vision with them.”
Lexa just stared at her, and Clarke was suddenly filled with a sense of dread and a desire to fling herself into the bonfire. Had she seriously just fucking said that? What was it about those piercing green eyes and those incredibly kissable lips that had somehow instantly reduced cool, confident Clarke Griffin into some kind of train wreck that had no idea how to speak to another human being?
Lexa stared at her for a beat more before she started laughing, and Clarke smiled weakly in return, feeling like a complete idiot.
“I.. I’m sorry. Usually I have more game than that,” Clarke mumbled lamely, taking a sip of her beer despite the fact that she was already wishing she hadn’t drank as much as she had earlier.
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I think it takes a lot of game to say something that cheesy and still be this hot afterwards,” Lexa said flirtatiously, using the edge of the table to easily pop the cap off her bottle before taking a sip.
Did this literal, actual, walking wet dream of a woman really just say I was hot? Clarke thought, feeling a mixture of panic and something else just as visceral stirring in her stomach.
“That means a lot coming from the hottest person in the building,” Clarke replied, trying desperately to steady herself. She could do this; after all, it was just flirting. She’d been an expert in it since mid-to-late elementary school.
Anyway, it’s not like she could make things any lamer than she already had.
Much to her enjoyment, Lexa blushed at her response and her eyes twinkled mischievously.
“I’m Lexa,” she said, holding her hand out to her. Clarke reached to shake it, marveling at the generous length of her fingers. She’d never seen such long, graceful fingers before, and she couldn’t help wondering how they would feel clawing down her back or slipping inside her..
Or how they’d feel against her own hand; something she didn’t yet know. She was so busy fantasizing about them that she’d missed Lexa’s hand entirely. Instead, she grabbed her forearm and stood there clasping it. Lexa watched her, still clearly amused, and casually gripped Clarke’s forearm in return, shaking it lightly. As though it were a totally normal gesture; as though Clarke wasn’t officially the messiest person at the party.
“Clarke,” she managed to choke out. “Sorry.”
Lexa smiled widely at her. “Clarke Sorry? Interesting name..”
Clarke sighed at herself internally, wondering how much worse she could possibly make things at this point. She quickly decided they couldn’t get any worse, and grabbed a couple of shot glasses from the table, holding them up to Lexa.
Lexa smiled. “Love some.”
“Make it six, Griff,” Raven added, startling Clarke as she, Octavia, Lincoln, and Anya joined them at the table. Clarke wasn’t sure whether she was relieved or disappointed by their presence, but noted with pride that the taller girl, Anya, was subtly playing with the hair on the back of Raven’s neck.
Speaking of game.
“Oh my god, guys. We have to do body shots,” Octavia cried out as Clarke lined up the disposable glasses. Clarke flushed again, glancing at Lexa, who was watching her with a hot, almost predatory look on her face.
“Sounds like fun,” Lexa said with a little smirk.
Raven looked at Anya with a wicked grin. “I’m in.”
They gathered everything they needed to the countertop, and a small audience had assembled to watch or to take part in the festivities themselves, including Bellamy and his new girlfriend. Clarke managed to busy herself by setting the shots up for everyone else for nearly ten minutes; the last five of which, Lexa had been assisting her.
“Your turn, Clarke,” Echo said, wiping some stray lime bits off her lip. Bellamy, still blushing from his admittedly steamy exchange with her, started clapping his agreement.
Clarke, sensing an opportunity to earn back at least some of her cool points, looked to Lexa. “Wanna do it with me?”
Lexa turned a bit red, and Anya gave her a physical push towards Clarke.
“You guys have been eye-fucking this entire time. You know you wanna give her a lick,” Anya said, patting her back.
Lexa looked vaguely horrified, her entire face going red as their friends laughed and whistled. Clarke clamped down very hard on her mind, trying not to let it wander to thoughts of Lexa licking her in all kinds of situations not necessarily involving limes or an audience.
“Is that true, Lexa?” Clarke’s eyes twinkled as she licked her fingers, drawing them down the side of her neck to wet it. She fingered the salt shaker lightly as she shook it onto the spot, then took a little longer than necessary to wedge the shot glass carefully into her cleavage. “Lick away.”
Lexa’s eyes were glued to the tops of her breasts the entire time, her pupils blown out, and Clarke gave her a confident smirk as she put the lime wedge between her lips. She wiggled her finger in a ‘come here’ motion, and the crowd started cheering them on.
Lexa gave in, stepping closer to her with fire in her eyes. Clarke tilted her head to the side a little, keeping her gaze locked on Lexa as she approached.
At least, until Lexa tilted her own head and ran her tongue up the side of Clarke’s neck at an excruciatingly slow pace. Clarke’s eyes fluttered closed as Lexa’s tongue teased lightly at the spot just behind her ear, and she moaned very softly in the back of her throat. Too softly for anyone to hear, she hoped—but part of her didn’t care if they all heard it, and it was the same part of her that felt disappointed when Lexa pulled her head back.
Lexa gave her a steamy look before ducking her head, her lips—and maybe just the very tip of her tongue?—brushing the tops of Clarke’s breasts. Clarke tried to stifle the second moan threatening to escape. Lexa wrapped her lips around the shot glass and pulled it from her cleavage, quickly tilting her head back to gulp the shot down. Clarke barely had time to breathe before Lexa’s lips were on hers.
She lingered longer than necessary with her lips pressed to Clarke’s, and a couple of people let out whoops.
“Now that’s hot,” Raven howled with approval, clapping. As Lexa regrettably started to pull back from Clarke, Anya whispered something in her ear that made Raven’s eyes widen as she turned red.
Clarke felt mildly dizzy, and was suddenly overcome with the urge to slam Lexa up against a wall, or a door, or a tree, and rip their clothes off. She’d never been this turned on by a total stranger before, and she thought she might actually die if she didn’t get those lips back on her own immediately.
Lexa smirked lightly, as though she knew what Clarke was thinking, and started setting up another shot. “Your turn, Clarke.”
Clarke’s face heated up quickly when she realized Lexa was already putting the salt on herself—but on her chest, with one eyebrow raised as if to challenge her.
If there was one thing Clarke Griffin didn’t do, it was back down from a challenge.
Octavia let out a wolf whistle as Lexa leaned back against the table and carefully balanced the shot glass just above where she’d put the salt. Clarke’s mouth went dry as Lexa stared at her, leaning back on her arms much further than necessary. So far, in fact, that Clarke would have to lean between Lexa’s parted thighs just to get to the shot.
“Let’s go, Griff! That’s an invitation if I’ve ever seen one,” Raven yelped, starting to clap rhythmically and cheering, “Griff-in, Griff-in!”
Clarke’s breath hitched as she moved between Lexa’s legs, swallowing hard.
Lexa blinked at her innocently, shifting her hips very subtly. “Feel free to grab whatever you need, to keep your balance.”
Clarke choked a little, briefly wondering if she was just having a really vivid, hangover-induced dream. Her fingertips just barely skimmed Lexa’s hips as she leaned into her before the whooping crowd.
Was it her imagination, or had Lexa’s breath hitched in her throat just then?
Clarke leaned over and slowly ran her tongue across the tops of Lexa’s breasts, wishing she could taste Lexa’s skin without the extra salt coating it. To reach the shot glass, Clarke found herself having to lean over even further, and her fingertips instinctively gripped Lexa’s hips for balance as she did so. Knocking it back, Clarke turned her head just long enough to toss the little cup to the ground, deciding to go for it when she heard Lexa’s breath definitely hitch this time.
She leaned farther into the brunette, their hips pressing together in a very intimate way as she sucked the lime wedge out of Lexa’s lips and between her own.
This time, she knew damn well that the moan coming from her throat was audible, but she didn’t care, because Lexa’s hips were instinctively lifting against her own. A couple of people cheered, and Bellamy stuck two fingers in his mouth, wolf whistling at them.
Lexa’s tongue brushed against Clarke’s lower lip lightly, and Clarke wondered how much Octavia would mind if she offered to show Lexa where the bedroom was. Regretting the fact that they were in front of a crowd at the moment, Clarke reluctantly lifted her head, making sure to give Lexa a brief and slow grind as their bodies separated.
“What the fuck, Clarke?”
Clarke choked on the lime wedge still in her mouth at the sound, coughing and finally spitting it to the floor before her eyes raised to meet a set of familiar ones. Finn stood just to the side of the crowd, his arms crossed as he stared at her, his face a mixture of anger and hurt. “We have a little fight, and the first thing you do is hump the first person you run into afterwards?”
“Excuse me?” Lexa slowly sat up, frowning at him as Raven helpfully thumped Clarke’s back as she continued coughing.
“No, I won’t excuse you,” Finn snapped. “Not when you were just doing whatever the hell that was with my girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend?” Lexa’s face quickly fell and darkened. Her jaw tightened, and she slid off the table, feeling humiliated. Of course Clarke was taken. Someone that beautiful, and that funny.. How stupid was she?
“Lexa, wait—” Clarke managed to get out despite her ongoing coughing fit. Lexa, however, ignored her, just grabbing a jacket off the back of the couch before she left the house.
“I should..” Anya turned to Raven apologetically, gesturing at the door.
Raven wrapped her arm around the back of her neck, and Anya’s eyebrows went up as she kissed her deeply, but briefly. Anya let out a soft sigh when Raven finally pulled back, patting her cheek gently.
“Hurry back,” Raven said suggestively, and Anya, looking mildly dazed, ran out the door after Lexa. The rest of the crowd dispersed for the most part, and Clarke found herself facing off with Finn. She nodded to Octavia and Raven, effectively dismissing them from the situation; however, Raven merely sat on the back of the couch with her arms crossed, glaring at Finn while—blessedly for the moment, anyway—keeping her mouth shut.
“How could you do this to me?” Finn finally said, the hurt all over his face.
Clarke, having finally managed to regain her composure, looked at Finn in a mixture of disbelief and anger. “Are you serious right now? Finn, what I do isn’t your business anymore. We broke up, or did you forget already?”
Finn scoffed, waving her off. “We both know we didn’t mean that. We were fighting, it happens. It doesn’t make it okay for you to cheat on me, Clarke.”
Clarke stared at him, feeling a headache coming on. “I did mean it, Finn. You were texting your dick to god even knows how many girls behind my back!”
“It’s just a photo,” Finn said for about the fifteenth time since she’d caught him. “You were licking and humping some chick just now, why don’t we talk about that? I’ve been texting you all week, trying to apologize, and then trying to just make sure you were okay because I was worried sick, and then I walk in here and find you doing.. that.”
Clarke rubbed her face a little, shaking her head in frustration. “Finn.. I—I’m sorry that I hurt you. I really, really am. But you need to listen to me really closely right now. I need you to hear me when I say: We. Are. Over.”
He blinked, his face becoming a mask of confusion and then, just the hint of sadness. “Y-you don’t mean that, Clarke.”
“I do. It’s really over, Finn. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore,” Clarke gestured between them emphatically. “I'm done. Do you understand that? I left.”
“You can’t just run away from who you are, Clarke. You love me, and I love you. We belong together.”
Clarke shook her head, resentful that he was forcing her to have this conversation with him at that particular moment. “We don’t. If we did, you wouldn’t have treated me the way you have.”
“Yeah,” Raven finally snapped. “Funny how that seems to be a pattern with you, Finn. Tell a girl you love her, and then go behind her back over and over until she can’t take it anymore. Well, guess what? Clarke deserves better. We both deserve better than you.”
Finn sputtered angrily, the tension in the room quickly rising despite the party being back in full swing around them.
“Lexa! Lexa, wait!” Anya cried, running out of the house after her.
Lexa ignored her, storming past the bonfire and towards the road.
Anya, already freezing and definitely wishing she was back by the fireplace kissing Raven some more, stopped chasing her, and crossed her arms.
“Where are you even going? We’re in the literal, actual, middle of nowhere. We took an Uber here, and we’re supposed to spend the night.”
Lexa pulled her jacket tighter around her shoulders, not answering, but stopped walking and regarded the empty road before her.
She hadn’t had many romantic interactions the past few years; not since Costia. There had just been something about Clarke that was magnetic from the very second their gazes met; something that pulled her in and held her there. Lexa had never even done a body shot before in her entire life, for fuck’s sake. Much less done something like dry-humping a stranger on a table in front of twenty other people.
Anya came up and wrapped her arms around her gently from behind as though she knew what was going through Lexa’s head. “I’m sorry, Lexa. I swear to god, I thought she was single. Octavia said she’d just broken up with some asshole.”
“Well, I guess Octavia was wrong,” Lexa responded quietly, her voice catching in her throat as Anya moved next to her, one arm still slung across her shoulders. “I made a total idiot out of myself in there, Ahn. Please don’t make me go back in there. I just want to go home.”
Anya regarded her for a minute, then nodded. “Okay. Okay, we’ll go home.” She pulled out her phone and started to open up the Uber app.
“No,” Lexa said quickly. “It’s okay, I’ll get my own. You should go back in there. You’ve got a hot girl that really wants to kiss you at midnight. You shouldn’t throw that away just because I’m..”
Anya rolled her eyes, ignoring her as she pulled up the app. “I’m not letting you spend the night alone. You’re more important to me than some super hot chick who wants to bone me.”
Lexa glanced at her sideways. “I said kiss you, what makes you think she wants to bone you?”
“She introduced herself as ‘Raven Reyes, mechanical engineer and experienced service top.’”
Lexa groaned internally. “How many times has she texted you since you followed me out here?”
“Only three,” Anya, to her credit, kept her face emotionless when she responded, but her voice had the barest hint of guilt in it.
Lexa rested her forehead on the mailbox in front of them. “Okay. New plan. You go inside and start picking out a safe word, I’m gonna go get a beer and join Nyko and Luna at the bonfire.”
“Lexa, your feelings are more important to me than some girl I just met. I don’t want you alone, not this day of all days.”
Lexa quickly held up her hand to silence her. “I know. And I appreciate it. But it’s been forever since you got lucky, and it’s kind of my job to not stand in the way of you getting lucky.” Anya opened her mouth to protest again, and Lexa continued quickly. “Don’t worry about what happened in there. I’ll live, and I’m more than capable of separating feelings from duty.”
“Your duty is to get me laid?” Anya finally responded, lifting an eyebrow.
“Sure seems like it is.”
“You’re a really good sister,” Anya kissed her cheek as she slung her arm around her, starting to guide her back towards the house.
“Yeah, I know. I’m wonderful.”
After sending Anya to look for Raven, Lexa grabbed herself a beer and made her way through the increasingly crowded house. Most people had come inside as the night had grown later and the weather had grown colder, but it was still very obvious that neither Clarke nor Finn was there any longer.
It should have made her feel relieved. The last thing she was interested in at the moment was having to watch Clarke make out with her boyfriend at midnight. Not that it mattered; she didn’t even know the girl, for fuck’s sake. Nowhere near enough to feel this shitty about her.
But she didn’t feel relieved. She felt shitty, and she was angry at herself for it.
Lexa opened the beer bottle on the table as she passed by, noting that Octavia and Lincoln’s bedroom door was now closed. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought of Clarke and Finn possibly being behind it having loud, messy, heterosexual, make-up sex.
She headed outside, but avoided the bonfire, which still had about half a dozen people warming at its sides. Instead, she walked around the back of the house and down a narrow footpath leading into the edge of the forest.
Easily navigating the familiar trail, Lexa entered the tiny clearing, which had a small fire pit and several naturally fallen but hand-sanded logs arranged in a circle around it. They’d spent nearly all of their free time playing in the area when they were growing up. When she and Anya’s mother and Lincoln and Luna’s mother had both still been alive and close as she and Anya were.
“Hello? Who’s there?” The suddenness of the voice in the dark startled Lexa, and she dropped her beer. Leaning over to grab it again, she felt her gut tighten when she recognized the voice.
“Clarke?” God, please don’t let her be out here with him.. Not where the “Grounder” clubhouse—which was really just a bunch of scrap plywood and sheet metal they’d managed to scavenge up—had stood for three years. Not where they’d gotten drunk in high school.
Not where she’d first kissed Costia.
“Lexa? Thank god. I thought you were Finn.”
Lexa scowled as she moved closer, finally laying eyes on Clarke in the pale moonlight. Her cheeks were stained with tears, her eyes ringed by red, and a Marlboro light burning between her fingers.
“Oh, is that what happened back there?” Lexa snapped, trying to wipe the dirt from her bottle, her voice even nastier than she anticipated it being. Clarke looked absolutely crushed, and Lexa tried really hard not to feel bad about it. After all, Clarke was the liar here, not her. She hadn’t done anything wrong. But Clarke looked crushed, and Lexa wished more than anything that she could fix it.
“He’s not my boyfriend anymore, Lexa.”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Lexa replied robotically.
Clarke let out a pained sigh, stubbing out her cigarette in the dirt near her sneaker. She put the butt into her pocket before lighting another one, a move that Lexa would have found very endearing if she was still attracted to the blonde. Which she definitely wasn’t.
“He hasn’t been my boyfriend since I broke up with him a week ago. He’s just an overposessive asshole. I guess since I stopped replying to his texts, he figured he’d show up here and convince me to forgive him in person or something.”
Lexa chewed her lip. She wanted to believe Clarke; she didn’t know why she wanted to believe her, but she did. She wanted to let herself feel that strange connection that had made her skin tingle from the instant she saw Clarke, as if she sensed some deep, time-and-space-defying bond between them or something.
Almost as if she could read Lexa’s mind, Clarke gazed up at her vulnerably, her eyes already starting to water again.
“I’m sorry, I’m so stupid,” Clarke said, shaking her head and quickly wiping at her eyes. “We don’t even know each other, and you have no reason at all to trust me, and I’ve totally wrecked your night. And invaded your spot, now, too.” Clarke stood and brushed some dirt off her ass. “I’m just gonna head back up to the house. I’m really sorry about tonight, Lexa. I don’t know if that means anything to you or not, but.. I’m sorry. I mean it.”
Lexa swallowed hard, her jaw set tightly as she willed herself not to break. Love is weakness, she reminded herself. Where did loving Costia get you? Nowhere, that’s where. Miserable. Now get as far away from this girl as you can before you catch a nasty case of feelings and die because there’s no cure.
Clarke studied her quietly with those deep blue eyes for a moment, as though she couldn’t bring herself to tear her gaze away, then cleared her throat. “Well. Happy New Year’s, Lexa.”
She was nearly all the way out of the clearing when Lexa’s voice—softer and more vulnerable than she could have imagined—reached her ears.
“I do trust you, Clarke.” Lexa avoided her eyes when she turned around, unable to handle her direct gaze just yet. “I don’t know why, but I do.” She gave a weak, nearly derisive laugh at herself. “That probably sounds crazy.”
Clarke approached slowly, like she was afraid to move too quickly around Lexa and make her leap away into the forest like a startled deer.
“As crazy as spitting in your ex’s face because he screwed up your chances with someone you just met?” She replied quietly.
Lexa’s perfectly-shaped eyebrows raised quickly, trying incredibly hard to bite back a smile. “You spit in his face?”
“Just a little bit,” Clarke shrugged. “You can laugh. Raven did.”
Lexa allowed herself a snort before she met Clarke’s eyes—still red and puffy, but no longer damp with unshed tears. “He deserves worse, just for how he spoke to you. If you ask me. Which, I know you didn’t, but..”
Clarke shrugged her shoulders again, dropping down onto the closest log bench and relighting her cigarette. “He deserves to be spat on more than once. You know he started dating me without breaking up with Raven or telling me he had a girlfriend?”
Lexa joined her on the log, swirling the last sip of beer in the bottle idly and wishing she’d grabbed another before she came out. Between the amount of time that had passed and what had happened while it did, Lexa had regrettably sobered up almost completely.
“Is that how you two got to be friends?”
Clarke nodded, lazily twirling a men’s watch around her wrist as she looked off into the darkness of the forest.
“Is that his?” Lexa asked, making a concentrated effort not to sound bitter about it.
“My dad’s,” she replied quietly. Lexa waited, and after a moment she added, “He died five years ago tonight, in a car crash. Drunk driver. It’s why Raven dragged me out tonight, even though I was still in “sweatpants and ice cream” post-breakup mode.”
Lexa felt her heart drop into her stomach, and her breath caught in the back of her throat. “I’m sorry, Clarke,” she said sincerely. Clarke nodded her thanks quietly, tracing her fingertip around the edge of the watch. “I lost someone close to me, too. Her name was Costia. Same thing, a drunk driver. Two years ago tonight.”
Clarke lowered her arms and looked up at her once more, her face softening as she whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Lexa nodded a bit, her cheeks flushing as Clarke reached out and took her hand comfortingly. She wound their fingers together and leaned into her. Lexa sighed softly, relaxing against her. Clarke, as a total stranger, had absolutely no right to feel as familiar as she did.
“I feel like I’ve known you my whole life,” Clarke whispered, her voice barely audible. “How insane is that?”
“Not as insane as you would think,” Lexa responded, just as quietly. She tightened her fingers around Clarke’s and gazed at her intensely. “Maybe we knew each other in a past life. Or a future one.”
Clarke smiled at that. “You think so?”
This time, it was Lexa’s turn to shrug. “Death is not the end, Clarke.”
Clarke glanced down at the watch on her wrist—the one that she only removed to shower. It hadn’t worked for over three years, but it still reassured her of her father’s presence in the universe—even if only inside her memory and heart.
“You’re right about that,” she agreed.
They sat quietly together for awhile, their heads naturally resting against each other after a bit. Clarke couldn’t be sure how long it had been since they’d left the party, but she also didn’t particularly care at the moment.
“Do you think it’s tomorrow yet?” She finally asked softly.
Lexa startled just slightly, and Clarke wondered if she’d begun to doze off as they’d sat there propping each other up in the dark quiet of the evening.
“Doubt it. Even out here, we should hear the fireworks going once it’s—”
Lexa didn’t have a chance to finish her sentence before a series of bangs and pops sounded, echoing through the open woodland around them. She lifted her head to look at Clarke with amusement, but felt something go through her when she realized Clarke was looking back at her with mischief very obvious in her eyes.
“Happy New Year,” Lexa offered, thinking of their earlier almost-kisses and flushing. She felt herself suddenly growing hot, even though a few snowflakes had already started falling and all she had on was the green flannel with her bomber jacket.
Clarke didn’t reply.
Instead, she reached out and cupped her hand over the back of Lexa’s neck, gently pulling her in and pressing her lips to hers softly. Lexa gasped softly in surprise, but kissed her back quickly. Lexa had just barely realized what was happening as Clarke deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue past her lips.
Lexa kissed back with fervor, her hand fluttering across her cheek and jaw before finally resting on her hip, coaxing her closer. Clarke shifted slowly into her lap, wrapping her legs around Lexa’s waist and sliding down her lap until their hips met.
Lexa moaned softly into the kiss, digging her nails into Clarke’s hips a bit. Clarke cupped her neck once more, rocking slowly against Lexa’s lap. After far too long and not nearly long enough, Lexa broke the kiss, taking in a gulp of air.
Clarke ducked her head, seemingly fine with the oxygen deprivation she surely had to have experienced as well, and flicked her tongue against Lexa’s earlobe.
“I can’t believe how bad I want you,” Clarke mumbled into her neck.
Lexa felt dizzy at the words; especially with how much hotter they sounded when combined with the scent of Clarke’s hair and skin, and the feel of her lips brushing over her collarbone.
“Me too,” she replied softly, resting her hands beneath the hem of Clarke’s top. “How drunk are you?”
“Enough to not care that were’s sitting on a log, not so much that I can’t consent,” Clarke responded, her lips finding Lexa’s earlobe once more. “I’m take away my car keys drunk, not call the cops drunk. You?”
Lexa moaned softly, tilting her head to the side and increasing Clarke’s access to her suddenly overheated skin. “Same.”
Lexa slid her hands further up Clarke’s sides, palming her soft, generous breasts and delighting in the deep moan that found its way from Clarke’s throat as a result. Meanwhile, Clarke’s buzzed fingers struggled to pull the buttons on Lexa’s flannel open, and her mouth was everywhere—on her shoulder, her neck, her chest.
Lexa leaned forward just enough to put Clarke’s face in reach and ducked it lightly to capture her lips with her own. They kissed more hungrily this time, and Clarke stroked her bared breasts in the glimmering moonlight. Lexa arched her back pushing into her touch harder without breaking the kiss.
Clarke dropped one hand to lightly stroke Lexa’s stomach, moaning softly when she discovered that Lexa’s abdominals were every bit as tight as she’d imagined. She brushed her fingers lightly over the fly of Lexa’s jeans, seeking permission.
Lexa barely broke the kiss, tilting her head in the other direction and gently bumping her nose over Clarke’s as she did, and immediately captured her lips once more. She leaned back just a little and parted her legs further, hoping that was permission enough. She couldn’t imagine breaking the kiss to speak at the moment.
Clarke popped the button on her fly as Lexa’s tongue met her own once more, and slowly drew the zipper down. She stroked the patch of skin below Lexa’s navel with a featherlight touch, her fingers tracing random shapes into her and dipping a bit lower each time she circled back around.
Lexa thought she was going to go crazy; her hips rocked involuntarily beneath Clarke and thrust forward again, her legs spreading as far as possible with Clarke still in her lap.
Clarke broke the kiss and let out a gasp as she slid her hand lightly over Lexa’s heat and discovered she was absolutely soaked.
“Jesus, Lexa..” She breathed into her ear, stroking her fingertips softly over the drenched fabric of her underwear.
Lexa blushed, but moaned deeply, arching into her touch. “Clarke, please—”
Clarke swiped her finger over Lexa’s throbbing clit lightly, circling it teasingly through her underwear, and felt Lexa drawing her nails up her back with increased pressure. She ducked her head, her lips finding the top of one of Lexa’s breasts and sucking lightly at her nipple.
Lexa cried out softly, her hands going to her head instead. Her fingers tangled in golden locks and held the blonde head to her chest as her hips ground back against Clarke’s hand.
“S—stop teasing..” Lexa gasped out, her face buried in Clarke’s sweet smelling, honeyed golden tresses. “Just fuck me, Clarke..”
Clarke obediently pushed her hand down beneath her underwear and groaned softly as her finger slid between parted folds and into Lexa’s wet, throbbing slit. Lexa’s hips jerked, and she let out a guttural moan that was definitely the hottest thing Clarke had ever heard in her life.
“More,” Lexa hissed into her ear, her nails scratching lightly against Clarke’s scalp as she held on tighter. “Use two.”
Clarke happily obliged her, easily sliding a second finger deep inside her slick heat that was already clenching around her digits tightly. She pumped them back and forth slowly, and Lexa’s hips jerked as she struggled to keep stride with her.
Together, they found a rhythm, and Lexa dug her nails into Clarke’s shoulders, holding onto her tightly as she leaned back a little further. Clarke’s fingers found a new angle as she pressed deeper inside her, and it drew an obscene groan from an increasingly shaky Lexa.
Clarke rubbed her palm against Lexa’s pulsing clit as she thrust inside her, speeding up when she felt her tensing and twitching beneath her. Lexa climbed the peak faster than ever before and it surprised her when she realized she was tipping over the edge. Clarke wrapped her free arm around the back of Lexa’s neck, trying to balance them on the log as Lexa announced her approaching crisis with a hitched gasp.
Clarke lifted her head from where it had been busy in the crook of her neck so she could watch Lexa’s face.
Lexa came quickly, shuddering hard with Clarke’s name a cry on her lips and scratching her nails across her shoulders as she did. Above them, the celebratory fireworks still punctuated the night sky as Lexa’s body turned limp beneath Clarke.
Clarke watched, totally entranced by the sight, until she realized their balance had been disturbed and they were dangerously close to flipping backwards off the log. She shifted a little, causing her fingers to unintentionally move within Lexa and drawing another deep groan from her as she drew her knees up around Clarke.
“O-okay..” Lexa gasped softly, every one of her nerves overstimulated.
Clarke kissed her chest and slowly withdrew her fingers. Lexa moaned softly when Clarke’s eyes met her own and slowly, deliberately, put her fingers into her own mouth. She ran her tongue over them in an unnecessarily exaggerated fashion as she rocked backwards, slowly pulling Lexa back up until they were properly balanced on the log once more.
Clarke gently tucked a strand of Lexa’s hair behind her ear, her voice gentle as she held her gaze. “You okay?”
Lexa laughed softly, resting her forehead against hers. “Better than.”
“Oh yeah?” Clarke gave her an impish smile, her eyes still searching hers.
“Mhm,” Lexa nodded with a light smirk, tilting her head to nip playfully at Clarke’s lower lip. “Saw fireworks and everything. Must be that 2020 vision, ‘cause they looked and sounded real as hell..”
“Oh, jeez,” Clarke let out a sound that was part laugh, part moan. “I still can’t believe I actually said that.”
Lexa shrugged, grinning as she traced her fingertips lightly over Clarke’s collarbone. “It’s a terrible line, but clearly it worked for you..”
“Clearly,” Clarke replied, cupping her hands over Lexa’s jaw and kissing her again lightly. “You know, we should probably get back to the party. There might be someone left that’s sober enough to wonder where we went off to.”
Lexa grunted a little, but she knew Clarke was right.
Clarke chuckled lightly as she very carefully climbed off Lexa’s lap. She turned just a little, allowing Lexa some privacy to reattach her clothing, and wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her rapidly-cooling skin.
She watched the last of the fireworks tapering off until Lexa finished putting herself back together and joined her. Lexa stood awkwardly for a moment as a vague panic began to set in. Despite herself, she’d clearly already caught the worst case of feelings she’d ever had. But Clarke was newly single, and they barely knew each other. What if she was just a rebound? What if Clarke didn’t want to do this again, or even see her again?
Lexa quickly began drowning in the overwhelming anxiety. What if this was just a one time thing, and afterwards, they only saw each other once or twice a year? She imagined if Octavia and Lincoln got married, and the number of life events that would likely bring she and Clarke face-to-face again, and she cursed herself for being so stupid.
She knew better. If you were gonna hook up with someone, make sure it’s not someone you’re going to have to see every time your cousin gets married, or has a birthday.
Or a stupid New Year’s Eve party. One where you might run into the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen once more, and be reminded of the quick, but amazing forest sex you had together. And then instead of enjoying the festivities, you’re just miserable and sad because you’ve never had it so good, and all you want to do is drop to your knees and swear fealty to her, but all she was looking for was a quick roll in the forest.
God, what if she got back together with that Finn asshole again? The thought made Lexa nauseated; that all of that might happen, and against a backdrop of Finn possessively clinging to Clarke..
“Are you okay?” Clarke had stopped walking at some point, and was staring at the concern on Lexa’s face while mirroring it, her hand lightly brushing across her lower back.
Lexa cleared her throat and forced a smile to her lips, trying to ignore the fact that even the most minor of touches from Clarke was enough to start that roiling feeling in her gut once more. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m great, why?”
Clarke blinked at her. “I dunno. You had this look on your face like you were gonna upchuck.”
“No, I’m good. Freezing, but fine.”
“You do look pretty cold,” Clarke said suggestively, her eyes deliberately falling to Lexa’s chest, where her nipples were busy betraying her. “I could warm you up again sometime, you know.”
Lexa blushed and crossed her arms over her chest before beginning to walk up the footpath once more, annoyed at how quickly and tightly her heart had held onto that one word falling from Clarke’s lips:
She said again.
“Is that.. something you would want?” Lexa forced out, her jaw unintentionally tightening as she fought back hope. “To do this again?”
“Um.. Well, it—it’s obviously okay with me if you’d rather not,” Clarke turned her head to look at her, the concern on her face very clear as she lied her ass off, trying not to be devastated at the idea. “I know it’s kind of a weird situation, with O and Lincoln, but we don’t have to be all awkward about it. We can.. pretend it never happened. Make it easier on everyone.”
Lexa couldn’t help it. Her face fell a little, despite herself, and she felt a pressure building up behind her eyes that felt hot and ugly and a lot like tears she could not let this girl see.
“If that’s what you want,” Lexa nodded slowly, but her voice tasted very strange on her tongue, and she was filled with an urge to bolt. To run away and try her hardest to forget Clarke even existed, never mind that she was beautiful and funny and goofy and real, and god damn was she one hell of a lover to boot..
“Is it what you want?” Clarke asked softly.
Lexa glanced down at their feet as she dug the toe of her shoe into the crunching snow, feeling like a teen who was being awkwardly rejected as prom date by their crush. She didn’t say anything for a moment before finally meeting Clarke’s gaze.
Her voice was barely audible as she whispered honestly, “No. But I can live with it if I must.”
“I don’t think I could.” Clarke swallowed hard, Lexa’s brave honesty filling her with the urge to reciprocate.
“No?” Lexa’s bright eyes widened just slightly, and she felt the dam she had quickly built up to prevent Clarke from breaking her heart, shattering all at once.
Clarke shook her head and, somehow, her gaze became even more intense, her eyes burning into Lexa’s. Lexa had never felt as vulnerable in her life as she did when Clarke’s hand reached out and cupped the back of her neck, pulling her in for a chaste, but reassuring kiss.
Lexa melted against her and Clarke’s arms encircled her as they kissed slowly for a minute, for an hour. For a lifetime and then another.
When they gently separated, Clarke brushed Lexa’s hair back off her forehead, her voice soft.
“I’m going to sound crazy, but I feel this connection with you, Lexa. That wasn’t a line earlier. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s just deep, and magnetic, and more real than anything else in my life has ever been. There’s just.. something about you, and I want it. I want you, I want us. I’m confused, and scared, and I don’t know where this is going, but I really wanna find out.” Clarke gulped quietly, her eyes searching Lexa’s rapidly.
Lexa looked back at her, her voice barely audible. “Me too.”
A single snow flake landed on Lexa’s eyelashes, and Clarke turned her face to the sky. After a moment, Lexa followed suit, and Clarke reached for her hand, entwining their fingers together as they watched the soft flakes beginning to drift to the ground around them. The delicate flakes landed in their hair and on their still-joined hands as they slowly walked back up to the house.
Wherever else they were headed, Clarke sensed that it could only be somewhere beautiful. Even more beautiful than the gently falling snow settling into the branches of the still, gently quiet forest. Lexa’s face tilted into the night sky, seeking out the fluffy flakes with her tongue, her hand still firmly interlocked with Clarke’s, and Clarke smiled softly, watching her.
Clarke thought that nothing in her life could or would ever be as breathtaking as the feeling of heading into the new year—hand-in-hand with hope and each other.