Gavin sighed , it had been so hard for him to write these letters. the last couple of days,
he just seemed to trip over his own words , writing down nothing but nonsense.
And today , he couldn’t even seem to get even a single word on paper.
He stared at the blank page again .
Nothing came up in his head , nothing seemed to make any damn sense.
Gavin threw the pen on his desk and stood up,
He needed to clear his head for a bit , before he would go completely mental.
Gavin stepped out of his front door ,
It was raining , of course.
he used to hate the weather around here when he was younger.
Maybe because it always started raining at the worst times ,
and ruin his day because he and his friends couldn’t go and play outside.
But ever since he had been back , he didn’t mind.
In fact , he was actually kind of happy when it rained.
It kind of made him feel less alone , like the sky was crying with him.
Gavin walked across the street to the small supermarket parallel to his house.
He bought a can of OJ , some small snacks and a bag of gum,
"that will be 7 dollar"
The girl behind the counter smiled at him when Gavin handed her the money,
She looked pretty , her blonde hair was lazily pulled back out of her face ied together in a knot , leaving a few strings of hair hanging loose.
“Hey , you live across the street from here right ?” She asked him.
Gavin nodded and smiled back at her.
“Yeah , I do .. Have we met?”
Gavin looked at the girl’s name tag , it informed him her name was Emma
“No we haven’t “
“Oh , so you’ve been stalking me then?” Gavin teased.
The girl’s face immediately turned red.
“ No, no ! I only just started working behind the counter a couple of days ago ,
but I used to clean around here after the day was finished ,
so I have seen you walk by the windows a couple of times. ”
Gavin remembered seeing her before maybe once or twice.
“Don’t worry about it love, I was just joking” Gavin laughed.
The girl laughed too , she had a cute laugh.
“You’re not from around here , are you?” Gavin asked
“No I’m from the USA , I studied here and … well I now have to pay for those bills.” She sighed.
“Hm , I used to live there…"
He looked down at the counter trying not to show the girl his face and the hints of sad memories that were washing over it right now.
...In the U.S. I mean, Do you miss it ?.”
“Sometimes I do ..” the girl said , shrugging
“… Mostly the weather , it’s just .. it’s always raining here.” She made an ugly face
“ Why , do you?”
Gavin thought back about his time in Austin , back in the office.
He thought about the guy’s and the stupid jokes they used to make.
Gavin smiled thinking back about it , “Sometimes..”
Another man walked up to the counter , and he didn’t look like the patient type of guy ,
so Gavin gathered his stuff and waved the girl goodbye.
“Wait , what’s your name ?” the girl asked
The girl smiled “Goodbye Gavin , Hope to see you around again sometime.”
It had stopped raining outside.
Gavin walked back to his apartment thinking about the girl all the way to his front door.
He entered his house , Lit a cigarette and sat back down at his desk.
The paper was still lying there , those two words staring at him like it had done so many times before.
But he knew what to write down now.
He killed his cigarette , and took the pen back in his hand.
And he started writing…
It’s me again ,
Today it’s been exactly a year , and ..
I still miss you.
Though I know , maybe I shouldn’t.. I shouldn’t miss you anymore by now right ?
But I do .. I do .. I do…
You’ve really screwed me up.
I’m trying to pick up my life again as best as I can.
But it’s hard.
I’ve met a girl today , she was kind to me.
She seemed cool , I was thinking …
I might talk to her some more , get to know here and ..
Maybe I should ask her out some day ?
But then I thought , what if she doesn’t like me?
I mean , I do have kind of a manual now a days.
I’m not an easy person to be with , you know.
Not anymore atleast.
And then I think …
What if she does like me ?
Would I even want that , I mean..
What if she leaves ,
just like you did?
A tear escaped from Gavin’s eye and landed on the paper.
Why did you leave me Michael ?
You scarred me .
I’m scared i won’t be able to love anyone anymore,
Not now that i know how it is to love such a perfect person like yourself.
I miss you so god damn much.
I’m a wreck without you , some day’s I don’t even leave the house,
Because everything I see reminds me of you.
I’m trying to pick up my life again , as best as I can.
But it’s hard.
Your Boi – Gavin.
Gavin sighed an read the letter again, before he put it in an envelope and closed it
He wrote “Michael V. Jones.” On it with curly letters.
Not bothering to put a stamp on it , or write an address on it for that matter.
He wasn’t going to send it anyway.
Instead , he pulled a small shoe box out of his dresser.
He opened the box –filled with envelopes with the same name written on top of them,
And gently laid the letter up on top.
Only to close it , and put it back where it came from.
Gavin was still hoping one day he would gather up enough courage to get back to America for one last trip,
And deliver the box to the cold, hard stone
that had the name written on it that Gavin had been writing on envelopes
every day for the past 365 day’s exactly.