The agents of RC 841.720 were not exactly socialising with each other: in fact, they were completely ignoring each other in favour of their favourite canons. Edward was buried in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and new recruit Mira was about halfway through Philosopher’s Stone.
Kat, meanwhile, was hunched over the console, watching as on its tiny screen, the events of Aladdin reached their conclusion.
“Genie, I wish to set you – “
Kat hit the button to shut the console up before it deafened her. “Seriously?” she asked. “You could have waited five minutes. Of course you had to go off at that precise moment.”
“Talking to inanimate objects,” said Edward. “First sign of madness.”
“Not funny,” replied Kat, shooting him a look. “You okay, Mira?”
Mira, on hearing the sudden loud noise, had dropped her book and jumped to her feet, glancing frantically around the room.
“Relax,” said Kat, “it’s just the console. That means we have a mission.” Then she glanced at the summary. “A really horrible mission.”
“Do I really want to know?” asked Edward.
“Probably not, but you’ll have to find out eventually. It’s Voldemort’s daughter.”
“Who does she go after?”
“Hang on,” said Mira, “Voldemort doesn’t have a daughter.” She picked up the dropped book and tapped its cover. “It would be in here if he did.”
“Exactly,” said Kat. She stood up and reached into the cupboard for the equipment.
“So…” said Mira, trying to make things clear to herself. “This daughter who shouldn’t exist is a Mary Sue, right?”
“Right,” replied Edward grimly, grabbing his gun from the table.
Kat ticked off the list of equipment on her fingers. “RA… CAD… Invisibility Cloak… weapons… can you set the disguises, Edward?”
“Sure. Generic Students?”
“Sounds good,” replied Kat. “Mira, what Hogwarts house are you?”
Mira put the book neatly back on the sofa. “Ravenclaw, I think. Possibly Slytherin. Is there… somewhere safe I can put something?”
Kat looked up from where she was packing the things into her backpack. “What sort of something? How big is it?”
“As small as it needs to be,” Mira answered.
“The RC is pretty high-security, you’d be mad to try and break into HQ. It’ll be fine here. Edward and I won’t touch it, you can trust us.”
Mira looked somewhat doubtful, but she still walked over to the main table, pulled an item about the size of a finger from her pocket and put it down.
Edward was attacked by a fit of curiosity and went to have a look at the object. It looked like a tiny doll: a perfect replica in miniature of a human being. She – it – looked very similar to Mira, except with red hair instead of black. He wondered where she’d got it from and why it was so precious to her, but decided not to ask and went back over to the console to sort out the disguises.
Mira stared at the doll for a long while before turning away and walking over to the console, where the other two agents were waiting.
After a few seconds, Edward pressed one final button and a portal appeared in the air next to the console. “Everyone ready?” he asked, Crash Dummy in his arms (it was another first-person fic).
“I am,” said Mira; Kat merely nodded.
“What are we waiting for, then? Let’s get this over with!” His fake enthusiasm not at all convincing, Edward stepped through the portal into Generic Space, followed by Kat and Mira, and quickly pulled the cord on the dummy, which inflated into a Sue.
“Elisabeth! Sweetheart! Wakey Wakey! We will be leaving for Diagon Alley in 30 minutes!”
“There weren’t actually any major errors in that sentence,” said Edward. “Mira – you can keep the charge list.”
“We shouldn’t give the newbie all the jobs we don’t like,” said Kat reproachfully; nevertheless, she handed Mira the notebook and pencil.
Mira takes it and grips the pencil somewhat awkwardly.
“Present tense,” Edward mutters. “Typical.”
Kat jabs a couple of buttons on the RA to revert the agents to the past tense. “Is that better?” she asked, and smiled as she noticed the past-tense dialogue tag.
“Yes,” replied Edward.
“Do you want to try reading the Words?” asked Kat.
“How do you do that?” replied Mira.
“You… sort of unfocus your eyes and stare into space.”
Mira followed Kat’s instructions. “I think I can see something…” she said. “‘I’ is the Sue, is that right?”
“Then the Sue is going to Hogwarts tomorrow, and today she’s buying her things in Diagon Alley. Also, she lives with godparents.”
“Well, she’s hardly going to live with her actual parents, is she?” asked Edward sarcastically. “Who’s her mother, anyway? Bellatrix?”
“Who is Bellatrix?” asked Mira.
Edward and Kat glanced at each other, having only just realised the implications of taking someone who had only read half a Harry Potter book into a mission.
“You’ll see when you get to Book Four,” said Kat.
“Charge for a couple of grammar errors,” said Edward.
After a pause to look through the Words and find them, Mira began to write.
“Get under the Cloak,” said Kat. The agents followed the Sue downstairs to where she was grabbing some Generic Food.
“Her parents raised her like a Muggle?” asked Edward incredulously. All three agents read the Sue’s internal monologue and cringed.
“So, who are these godparents?” asked Edward. “I’m guessing they’re Voldemort supporters so this makes no sense.”
Apparently, the Sue had grown up with Muggles and not known she was a witch because her godparents thought she was a Squib, but she hadn’t been told any of this. She even said she understood it because she would have told everyone about it.
“But… why couldn’t she just grow up in the wizarding world? Squibs exist, you know!”
“Maybe they’re actually hiding her ‘cause she’s Voldemort’s daughter,” suggested Kat, and then found herself having to explain to Mira what a Squib was. “They should really have given you a chance to get to know the canon before sending you into missions.”
“This is the Flowers we’re talking about,” Edward reminded his sister. “Charge for ignoring the principal exceptions to Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration.” He pointed to the Sue’s godmother, who had just made breakfast appear with a flick of her wand.
“So, they are Voldemort supporters,” said Kat, noticing the next line, which described the Dark Marks on the Sue’s godparents’ wrists, although the Sue didn’t know what they were.
“Am I missing something because I haven’t read all seven books again?” asked Mira.
Kat nodded. “D’you think the godparents are canon Death Eaters?” she asked. “Or just Generic?”
“Well, unless they’re the Lestranges – which seems unlikely – I don’t know if there are any other canon married couple Death Eaters, so…”
The Sue ran outside to the car to go to Diagon Alley, only to find that they were travelling by Floo.
“Shall we portal?” asked Kat.
Edward nodded and set the coordinates for Diagon Alley. He pressed the button and a portal shimmered into life. Before going through, the agents watched the Sue and her godparents take the Floo, and it was a good thing they did because they caught the mini-Aragog Leaky Claudron when the Sue shouted the pub’s name.
Edward opened another portal, this time to HFA, and coaxed the mini through it before joining the other two agents in Diagon Alley.
“Oh, great,” said Kat, “here comes Quirrell.”
In fact, it was not Quirrell who the Sue’s godmother was talking to, but proffessor Quirrle.
“I’m bored of opening portals to HFA,” said Edward. “Mira, you do it.”
Mira took the RA from Edward and asked “How exactly do you do that?”
Kat, more patient than her brother, showed Mira the buttons she needed to press and Quirrle scurried through the portal.
Meanwhile, the Sue was explaining to the reader how Quirrell had babysat for the Sue when her godparents were at a party.
“Hang on,” said Edward, “if it was six years ago, he wouldn’t have been – “
“No!” said Kat firmly. “Mira hasn’t finished Philosopher’s Stone yet!”
Edward and Kat glanced at each other.
“Oh,” said Edward. “That’s awkward.”
“You’d think the Flowers – “
“The Flowers,” said Edward pointedly.
“Fair point,” Kat admitted.
“What are you talking about?” asked Mira. Her confusion was only increased when Quirrell shook the Sue’s hand and they both flinched away.
“Charge for… oh, wait, we can’t tell you because spoilers, but something stupid,” said Edward.
Mira blinked, and wrote down Something stupid.
A couple of lines of dialogue later, the Sue was just as confused as Mira, and the explanations she received were just as vague. Then, thankfully, the Sue’s godfather took her to go and buy supplies.
The agents’ relief at avoiding spoilers didn’t last very long, though, because they were hit with an unnecessary paragraph break, followed by a ridiculously long typo-filled paragraph containing two mini-Aragogs (claudron again, as well as Olivanders). It didn’t help that this paragraph sped through the purchasing of supplies at breakneck pace until all three agents were dizzy.
Finally it came to a halt in Madam Malkin’s, where the Sue was looking at a self-sewing sewing machine.
“What,” asked Edward, “as opposed to a self-sewing rowing machine?”
“I’d better message the DRD,” said Kat. “Can I have some paper, please, Mira?”
Mira tore a sheet out of the notebook and gave it to Kat. “What is the DRD?”
“Department of Redundancy Department,” replied Kat, pulling a pen out of her pocket and scribbling a quick note.
Meanwhile, Draco was scoffing at the Sue’s interest, and called her a Mudblood, only to be corrected by Lucius, who explained that her bloodline is the most pure of them all.
“Actually – “ began Edward, but was interrupted once more by his sister.
“Come on, Voldemort’s hardly going to have told his Death Eaters he’s a half-blood, is he?” asked Kat, and added for Mira’s benefit, “Mudblood is a really bad insult for a witch or wizard whose parents are Muggles.”
Lucius then told the Sue a little about her real parents, but the only clue the agents got about her mother was that the Sue had inherited her looks.
Kat rolled her eyes.
The Sue and Draco, with their fathers, set off to Olivanders together. The Sue described Draco as weak for showing off and clinging to his father.
Mira successfully managed to open a portal for the mini to climb through. “Wait a second,” she said suddenly, “is this not an inconsistent timeline?”
“How so?” asked Kat.
“Draco and Harry met in Diagon Alley. Harry went to Diagon Alley on his birthday, the thirty-first of July. Draco is here in Diagon Alley on the thirtieth of August.”
“Ah,” said Kat. “Movieverse. In the films Harry and Draco don’t meet here, so I’m afraid we can’t charge for that.”
The agents smiled wryly as Ollivander slid back and forth on a ladder. They were less pleased with the Sue’s longing to change the unorganised nature of the shop.
“Duhu” said Draco, in response to being asked if he was ready.
“What does that mean?” Mira asked.
“I… think it’s a typo for ‘uh-huh’, so double charge because Draco would never say ‘uh-huh’. He is not American.”
Mira dutifully wrote down the charges as Ollivander did some more sliding along ladders (describing the Sue as “So much like your father…”)
“Great idea,” said Edward. “Compare an impressionable eleven-year-old to a feared dark wizard. Even if she doesn’t know who her father is.”
Draco’s wand was found soon after, with only a (relatively) minor charge for Transfiguration instead of sparks. Then it was the Sue’s turn.
Kat could tell that this was going to be bad when Ollivander (or rather, Olivanders; Mira sent another mini-Aragog straight to HFA) started muttering about matching a wand with the Sue’s power.
Sure enough, Ollivander explained that “It’s almost as powerful as the elder wand but.. it was an experiment if iron would be able to cast magic just like it’s core…”
“No,” muttered Kat through gritted teeth. “You – can’t – have – a – speshul – wand!”
“Bleeprin?” asked Edward, pulling a pack from his pocket and offering it to his sister.
Kat snatched it from him. “Why on earth did I trust you with the Bleeprin?” she asked, glancing inside the packet. To her surprise, it was still full. She tore open the pack, swallowed one tablet herself, and handed Edward another.
“Kat, you can trust me!” Edward protested. “When have I ever over-indulged?”
“Shall I list the times?” asked Kat, offering the Bleeprin to Mira.
The agents barely noticed the Sue’s inevitable bonding with the speshul wand, but they certainly did notice what she did next:
“Colovaria”. She turned Draco’s clothes pink.
Kat burst out laughing. “I never thought I’d appreciate a Sue’s actions,” she said, “but Draco totally deserves that!”
“This… Bleeprin… is nice,” said Mira. “May I have another?”
“No, you most certainly may not,” snapped Kat, her momentary good mood gone in an instant. “I already have one Bleeprin-addicted partner, the last thing I need is another!”
“I do not have an addiction,” protested Edward. “Chapter break coming up, prepare to portal…” He took the RA from Mira and opened a portal to the next chapter.
“One down,” said Kat, trying and failing to sound cheerful. “Goodness knows how many to go.”
The agents stepped through the portal and into the next chapter, where the Sue was making pancakes.
“Letting an eleven-year-old make pancakes unsupervised,” said Edward. “Great idea.”
“I’m more worried about what’s under the blanket.”
When the Sue’s parents got down, they found out: it was a cute small fluffy white kitten with beautiful green eyes.
“Cover your ears,” said Kat.
Mira obeyed quickly, but Edward asked “Why – “ and then realised.
“OH MY MEELIN, THANK YOU GUYS SOOOO MUCH!! SHE IS SO CUTE OMG OMG!!!”
The mini-Aragog Meelin scuttled across to the agents. Edward was too busy listing the many charges in that sentence to open a portal, and Mira was too busy writing them, so Kat borrowed the RA to do it.
Once Edward had finally listed all of the charges, he noticed the way Kat was looking at the kitten. “Please tell me you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking,” he said.
“What?” asked Kat, faking innocence. “Do you like cats, Mira?”
Mira nodded. “I prefer black ones to white, but you have to admit that one is very fluffy.”
“Absolutely not,” Edward snapped. “How can you like cats, you’re a bird!”
“An eagle,” Kat reminded him. “I don’t think a kitten would pose much threat to me.”
“You can turn into a bird?”
Kat nodded. “I’d demonstrate, except it doesn’t work when I’m disguised. Also, there’s the whole problem of clothes.”
“Stop trying to change the subject! We are not keeping the flipping Cute Animal Friend!”
Kat smiled and said, glancing at the Words, “We’ll have to give her a better name than ‘Agape’, though. Stupid show-off Sue…”
Suddenly the agents found themselves, disorientated and slightly confused, standing outside King's Cross Station. The Sue had apparently been annoying her godfather with stupid puns for the entire car journey.
Edward was just about to walk into the station when he found himself being hurled through space and unceremoniously dumped, sprawling, on Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters, where the Sue was hunting for Draco.
“Ouch,” muttered Kat. “Stupid time-space distortions.”
Mira jumped quickly to her feet. “She is going on the train now.”
“Thanks,” said Edward. “Let’s go.”
The agents found a compartment next to Draco’s (where the Sue had decided to sit) and settled in for the journey. “We have three players now!” said Kat, grinning. “We can play loads more card games!”
“What d’you fancy?”
“Um… Go Fish? We should probably start simple to give Mira a chance.” She pulled her miniature pack of cards from her pocket. “How many cards do you deal again?”
“Go Fish is boring,” said Edward. “And five, I think.”
“If it’s boring, how can you remember how many cards you deal?” asked Kat, beginning to deal out the cards. “Okay, Mira, so basically the aim of the game is to collect four of a kind…”
One brief explanation later, the agents were ready to begin playing.
“Kat,” asked Edward, “do you have any fives?”
“It is my turn now?” asked Mira.
“Edward, do you have any fives?”
Edward sighed and handed her the five of diamonds. “We’ll have to keep an eye on this one,” he said.
“Kat, do you have any Jacks?”
They played Go Fish for the next fifteen minutes, by which time Mira and Edward had each won a round, and then moved on to a few rounds of Trumps. Mira also proved very good at this, quickly working out the best tactics and winning two of the three games.
Kat bought sweets for everyone when the trolley came around, so that Mira could try Chocolate Frogs and the agents could add to their collection of wizard cards (Edward managed to find the druidess Cliodna), but Kat had no such luck, ending up with the sixth Morgana, while Mira started her own collection with Rowena Ravenclaw.
After finally finishing a marathon game of Cheat (Edward had decided it would be a good idea to use two packs, and Kat ended up on one card about six times before being caught cheating), the agents reluctantly left the Hogwarts Express and climbed into a boat.
“Charge for six in one boat,” muttered Edward, as they began to move forward. “Also for calling Hagrid a smelly ass giant. Seriously?”
“You should be used to this by now,” replied Kat.
The agents took a portal to the Great Hall after the boat ride (sitting at the Ravenclaw table since two out of the three were in that House) and watched with mild amusement and eye-rolling as the Sue missed her name being called.
The result of that was her making the Sorting Hat angry by forcefully slamming it on her head, which resulted in an announcement of “GRYFFINDOR!”
“What the – “ Edward began to say, but they were interrupted by a chapter break. Thankfully, when chapter three began they were still in the Great Hall, listening to the Sue’s fury.
“Charge for making the Sorting Hat be stupid purely for purposes of angst. Also for mini-Aragogs.”
Kat coaxed Weasly over to the portal that Edward made under the table while Mira noted down the charges (including unnecessary use of the f-word).
The agents were rather annoyed to find that sitting next to the Sue was another mis-sorted Slytherin, with a death glare on her face and blue-purple-ish hair.
They were even less pleased to hear the girl’s name: Aelin.
“Another Sue,” muttered Kat. “Absolutely brilliant. Mira, gimme a sheet of paper, I need to make a second charge list.” She took the paper offered to her and wrote down having a stupid speshul name and being mis-sorted.
Unfortunately, the only description of the food was as amazing. So, it was fabulous-tasting, but generically so. Mira didn’t seem to mind it, but Edward and Kat didn’t even try.
The Sue then moaned about Harry Potter, who was sitting near her, calling him an arrogant douche and an asshole… without justifying this with any description of Harry’s actions whatsoever.
“So this is basically going to end up bashing all the good guys,” said Edward.
“With Voldemort as her father, how could it not be?” asked Kat.
“Oh, great,” muttered Edward. “Pass the D.O.R.K.S, we’ll have to be temporarily Gryffindor.”
Kat pulled what looked like the latest edition of the Daily Prophet from her backpack and began fiddling with the settings until the agents’ blue- and yellow-trimmed robes became red, and they followed the rest of the students and the perfect to the Gryffindor common room.
“You wait here,” said Kat to Edward, “the stairs won’t like it if you try and get into the girls’ dorms.”
“I can portal,” said Edward with a withering glance.
“Still. It’s the principle. Boys are not allowed in the girls’ dormitories – and nor are men, before you say anything,” added Kat hastily, seeing his objection coming.
Kat and Mira (hidden under the Cloak to avoid detection) followed the Sues up the stairs, and winced at the description of Hermione as a Mudblood.
“All right, Elisabeth Mary Sue Riddle,” whispered Kat. “That is it. Nobody bashes Hermione Granger on my watch without dying extremely painfully.”
“But you were going to kill her extremely painfully even had she not done that,” pointed out Mira.
“Well, yes, but I’m going to kill her even more extremely painfully now,” Kat replied. “Do you know any painful ways of killing people?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact,” said Mira, “but most of them require the use of more power than I believe I can currently access.”
Kat was about to ask about why Mira couldn’t currently access her full power when-
It was the next morning.
“What just happened?” asked Mira, looking around in every direction. “How - “
“Timeskip,” said Edward. “Bad description.”
“Cover your ears,” said Edward, as they changed their robes back again and sat down at the Ravenclaw table.
“Why?” asked Kat.
“Because Aelin’s about to get a – “
“AELIN MARIA JACOBA BLACK! HOW DARE YOU! OUR FAMILY HAS BEEN LOYAL MEMBERS OF THE HOUSE OF SLYTHERIN AND YOU LET DOWN ALL BLACKS IN THIS WORLD! YOU BETTER MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A SPOT IN SLYTHERIN OR YOU DON’T HAVE TO COME HOME THIS CHRISTMAS! WATCH IT YOUNG LADY, OR YOU WILL GROW UP TO BE LIKE YOUR UNCLE SIRIUS, THE TRAITOR OF HIS OWN FAMILY!”
“Howler,” finished Edward with a wry smile.
Mira jumped to her feet, staring suspiciously at the envelope as if she feared it would go off again. “What is a Howler?” she asked quickly. “What does it do?”
“Don’t panic,” said Edward, “it just shouts. If you’re really angry you send one to whoever you’re angry with and they get screamed at, like Aelin just was.”
Once Kat’s ears had stopped ringing, she pulled out Aelin’s charge list and added “being the uncanonical niece of Sirius Black” to it. “I want to ask ‘seriously?’,” she said, “but I know that’ll set you up for the inevitable pun so I’m not going to do it.”
The first-year Gryffindors’ first class was Charms, and Elisabeth laughed at Professor Flitwick’s diminutive stature before deliberately blowing up her feather to lose Gryffindor points.
“Charge for being speshul and good at Charms, charge for teaching Wingardium Leviosa now instead of at Halloween and the resulting plotholes… you get the idea.”
“Can we please kill them soon?” asked Kat. “I’m losing the will to live.”
“Once we’ve found a good opportunity,” said Edward.
The fic continued in a Generic Location, where the two Sues were plotting to undermine Gryffindor from within in order to be moved into Slytherin.
Elisabeth was very pleased to find out about Voldemort’s existence: It sure sounds like fun! Chaos, destruction and death!
“Trust me,” said Mira, “chaos, destruction and death are not at all fun.”
“By the way, doesn’t she already know about Voldemort?” asked Edward.
As the agents and Sues reached the first Potions lesson, Elisabeth said that Hermione almost makes me cry because of her grossness.
Kat clenched her fists and gulped in air, looking almost like a goldfish. “What’s she ever done to you?” she spat.
Elisabeth whirled around to face the agents, looking confused. “What are you talking about?” she snapped.
Edward placed a hand on his sister’s shoulder. “Be careful, Kat,” he said.
Kat nodded. “I wasn’t talking about you,” she said mildly. This seemed to be good enough for the Sue, who turned away and filed into the dungeon with the rest of the first-years.
The two Sues stayed after class to speak to Snape about being transferred into Slytherin.
“Let’s do it now,” said Kat.
“We should probably keep – “ began Edward, but seeing the look on Kat’s face, he nodded. “All right. Muggle-use wands ready?” he asked.
Kat and Mira nodded.
“Stupefy,” said Edward, and a red bolt shot out of his wand and hit Professor Snape in the chest before he had a chance to do anything.
“What the – “ began Elisabeth.
Kat pulled Aelin’s charge list from her pocket and read aloud: “Aelin Maria Jacoba Black, you are charged with the following: having a stupid name, being the uncanonical niece of Sirius Black, being mis-sorted into Gryffindor, and being a Mary Sue. The sentence is death.”
“No!” screamed Elisabeth. “Petrificus Totalus!”
Kat was too slow to dodge: the spell hit her in the stomach, and she toppled backwards, frozen like a statue.
Edward was quicker than his sister, managing to throw up a Shield Charm. Then he reached for his rifle and began to load it, but there was no need: Aelin and Elisabeth were both suddenly flung backwards across the classroom and pinned to the wall by an invisible force.
“Let us go!” screamed Aelin.
Mira stepped around Edward’s Shield Charm with a smile playing on her face. “Let me think about it…” she said, walking slowly across the room to the Sues. “I think not.”
She pulled a small knife from her belt and, without ceremony, stabbed Aelin in the throat and calmly watched her bleed to death.
Edward had known Mira was hiding something, but he’d never expected anything like this. He was suddenly very glad that they were on the same side.
Mira began to read from the notebook she had listed the charges in, taking her time about it: “Elisabeth Riddle, you are charged with the following: having a stupid backstory, creating mini-Aragogs, being the uncanonical daughter of Lord Voldemort, also known as Tom Riddle, something stupid, having a speshul wand, being mis-Sorted into Gryffindor, sabotaging your new House, bashing Harry Potter and Hermione Granger for no reason whatsoever, and being a Mary Sue. The sentence is death. Edward, do you want to do the honours?”
“What?” asked Edward, who had been watching Mira in shock. “Um… yeah.” He finished loading his rifle, dismissed his Shield Charm and walked over to join Mira beside the terrified Elisabeth.
Without ceremony, he pointed the gun directly at the Sue’s head and pulled the trigger. The sight of brains bleeding out on the ground didn’t look pretty, but thankfully the body soon transformed back into the Crash Dummy.
“Can you reverse the Full Body-Bind on Kat?” asked Edward.
Mira nodded and snapped her fingers; Edward turned to watch Kat get to her feet slightly stiffly.
“Thanks,” she said. “That was a little too close for comfort. You really saved our skins there, Mira.” She picked up the yellow Crash Dummy and packed it neatly away in her backpack, pausing only to share a brief glance with Edward which said That girl is seriously scary.
“I just had an idea,” said Edward. “Do you think the giant squid is hungry?” He gestured to Aelin’s body.
Kat grinned. “I’ve been meaning to do this for ages,” she said, picking up the RA from where it had fallen to the ground and opening a portal to the lake. With Edward’s help, she dragged the body through and let it fall with a splash.
A moment later, a tentacle emerged from the depths and wrapped itself around the body.
Kat grinned and closed the portal, then opened another one.“Just something I need to do before we go,” she said, and stepped through the new portal to what looked like the Gryffindor first-year girls’ dormitory.
“What’s she doing?” asked Mira.
Edward shrugged, staring at the place where the portal had just been. “Just because she’s my twin sister doesn’t mean I can read her mind. Anyway, we should probably sort out Snape while she’s gone.” He pulled his Muggle-use wand from his pocket and walked over to the comatose professor. “Don’t suppose you can wipe memories, Mira?” he asked semi-seriously.
“In theory, yes… in practice it’s very tricky to make sure you take away exactly the right ones, and I’d rather not use too much magic right now.”
“Fair enough,” said Edward. “Obliviate!” He hoped desperately that his Memory Charm had been accurate, and said “Rennervate!”
The agents were protected by the SEP field, so Professor Snape merely stretched a little, picked himself up from the floor and went over to his desk, a puzzled frown on his face.
He’d barely done that when a portal opened just behind Edward and Mira and Kat emerged, smiling a little. “All done,” she said. “Let’s go, Mira needs to get a decent way through the books before the next mission.”
Edward thought he heard a muffled sound coming from Kat’s backpack, but he said nothing and the three agents stepped one by one through yet another portal back to the RC.
An hour later, Mira looked up from the final chapter of Philosopher’s Stone. “That’s what the thing with Quirrell was about!” she said triumphantly. “He had Voldemort in the back of his head!”
Edward heard another noise, which sounded like a plaintive wail. “Did you hear that?” he asked.
“I did,” said Kat.
“What was it?”
Kat smiled. “I think it’s time for me to let the cat out of the bag, so to speak,” she said, and reached down to unzip her backpack. Immediately a ball of fluffy white fur leaped out, dashed over to Mira, and began rubbing itself against her legs.
Edward shot his sister a death glare. Ignoring the tension between the two siblings, Mira lifted the kitten onto her lap and began gently stroking it. “I’ll call you Tallira,” she said. “It’s elvish for ‘snow’.”
“Well,” muttered Edward, “I suppose we can hardly not keep her now.”