The golden hall of the first-born son of Odin was decorated in rich reds. The ceiling had ornate plasterwork, gold leafing, and paintings of his likeness and adventures. The cameos of Thor’s own face looked down upon the Thunder God from on high, watching him. Thor rummaged through his closet, his dresser, and the laundry pile and could not find his favorite undershirt. He needed it.
A knock came at his chamber door.
“Enter!” Thor shouted as he remained hunched over a pile of clothing now equally mixed with clean and dirty clothes. His servants would not be pleased.
“Brother, what are you doing?” Loki asked though he didn’t mind that Thor was ignoring him. He liked the view just now.
“My favorite undershirt. I can’t find it anywhere. My tunics are scratchy without it.”
“So, commission the palace seamstress to fashion you another.”
“I don’t want another. I want that one.”
Loki quirked an eyebrow at Thor, not that he saw it.
“It’s my favorite one. I have it broken in just right, and I like the border design at the collar.”
“As I said, the palace seamstress can make you a new one.”
“Yes, except she’s had to make a lot of new clothes of late. I think one of my maids is stealing from me. It’s not just the clothes. It’s other things.”
“That’s a serious charge. You know the punishment is severe. Don’t make an accusation without proof.”
“I won’t. But I will catch the culprit in the act.”
“Oh, and how do you plan to do that?”
“I don’t know. I was hoping my smart trickster brother could help me,” Thor finally turned around to actually talk to Loki face to face. But he was taken aback by Loki’s attire. It was scandalous. “Brother, is this a new fashion trend from Jotunnheim?”
“No, it is a creation of my own design. Do you like it?” Loki’s skirt was split all the way up one thigh and wide enough to expose both legs with a ridiculous voluminous train fanning out in Thor’s shade of red. It also matched Loki’s Jotunn eyes. Though Thor still called Loki brother, most of the kingdom did not see him as such. Ever since that day when Loki thought to make mischief in the weapons vault and go touching things he ought not to touch. The Casket had punished him by robbing him of the lie that helped him blend in. Loki has not been able to pass as Asgardian since. The adjustment period had been painful for him. It had taken him a long time to stand with the confidence, nay the pride that he once held in his youth. But of late, Loki’s chin has jutted forward with that defiant strut that Thor has missed so much. His brother was back. But this was new.
“Where’s the rest of it? I’m putting on two layers of shirts and you’re not wearing any,” Thor said. It was true. What covered Loki’s torso wasn’t a shirt in any technical sense. But more a series of carefully draped red and gold ribbons and sashes that crisscrossed his chest and shoulders. His belly was fully exposed.
“Asgard is so hot to me now. I couldn’t bear to wear my old clothing any longer. This is much more comfortable.”
“Loki, if you’re not careful, you’ll share all of your secrets before the entire court,” Thor’s gaze gestured downward to Loki’s crotch.
“They should count themselves lucky then. Call it a blessing from a god.”
“Loki. What is this about?”
“What is what about?”
“This…you’re wearing my colors.”
“I know, but it matches my eyes. Green is still my favorite color but it no longer suits me in this blue flesh tone. Your color suits me better.”
“Aye, that is true,” Thor said with a genuine smile. Loki was lovely to behold. “But people might misunderstand the purpose of it.”
“Misunderstand what?” Loki asked.
“Um, never mind,” Thor said. To the uninformed observer, one might conclude that Loki was Thor’s lover, or concubine, or even spouse based on his colors. Surely Loki understood that? Or perhaps Loki just didn’t see it that way or care. Thor frankly didn’t care at the moment either. He still couldn’t find his undershirt.
“Loki, can you cast a spell on my clothes that let me somehow track their whereabouts?”
“Track them? I suppose I could with one or two items, but not your whole wardrobe. How would you keep track of it all?” Loki asked. Thor sighed and contemplated what to do for a moment.
“How about a map!”
“Yes! A map of the palace and the surrounding city. If someone steals from me the map will show it outside of the palace walls and I’ll be able to track them down and arrest them.”
“That is an excellent idea brother. Which items did you want me to enchant?”
“My tunics and underthings to start. And the items on my desk. My paperweights always go missing too.”
“You mean that sparkly giant cave stone with all the crystals jutting out of it? I loved that one. Are you sure you didn’t misplace it?” Loki said overly innocent, which only riled Thor further.
“Make the damn map, brother. I’ve lost my patience.”
Thor stood on the dais trying his best not to scratch himself. The itching was a nightmare and it was all he could do to not strip naked on the spot.
The dwarves were here under the pretense of celebrating some fertility festival of theirs. So, Thor had to smile, accept some trinket, and bless them and then they could go to Odin’s office and hammer out a business deal. Thor just had to play his part. Fertility god. Just because he had a big…
“Phallus of Ymir,” King Tyrion said. “It’s a depiction of the creator god of Jotunnheim, or rather the source of creation. It is customary to kiss the sacred relic as a sign of respect.”
Thor went beat red. He was being played and he knew it. He looked over at his father and glared at him. Odin nodded. Yes, he knew the dwarves were fucking with them. Yes, he had to do it. The “sacred object” was actually very valuable for it was made of gold and encrusted with rubies, diamonds, and other precious gems. Frankly, Thor thought it looked like the damn thing had the pox. The rubies looked like scabs. A diseased dick. And Thor had to kiss it.
He plastered on his fakest smile, took one step forward, bent over and pecked a kiss to the tip of the damn thing. He met the king’s gaze afterward, flashing murder in his eyes before returning to his father’s side. King Tyrion, the little shit, smiled and thanked Thor for the blessing.
“We shall place this treasure in our temple during the remainder of your stay to celebrate this important occasion,” Odin stated. The dwarves would be in Asgard for all of four days.
They had a feast. Thor got drunk. The night ended pretty much like any other. But when the morning came, the Phallus was missing from the temple and the dwarves were in a tizzy.
“Oh, please! They probably stole it themselves,” Loki said as he aggressively buttered his toast.
“I’d already considered that, but the security measures in the temple would have killed a dwarf and I doubt a common thief could have taken it,” Frigga said.
“Which is why they are accusing this family. Only a member of the royal family could have gone in there without awakening the Destroyer. Thor, was it you?” Odin asked.
“I’d sooner shove it up Tyrion’s ass. No. I didn’t touch the damn thing.”
Loki squared his shoulders and looked perturbed. “Sure. It was me. I saw it and had to have it for my personal boudoir. I was up all night riding it.”
“Loki! Such language at the breakfast table,” Frigga frowned at her favorite son.
“Enough. You two will find the Phallus of Ymir before the dwarves return home.”
Thor stalked Mildred, one of his most trusted servants as she made her way down to the work yard. This part of the palace was far away from the refined exterior buildings and shielded from the palace view by tall trees and shrubs. This was the place where all the horse shit, kitchen scraps, and dirty laundry came to be dealt with. He didn’t want to catch her in the act. And thankfully she didn’t do anything suspicious. She never deviated from her path. All of Thor’s clothes ended up in the giant washing tub. Everything on the map Loki made was where it was supposed to be. Nothing had been stolen in the last two days. And if they didn’t find the golden dick by tomorrow morning there would be diplomatic hell to pay. He couldn’t prove it, but he had a feeling that the thief taking his things was also the same person that stole from the dwarves.
He gave up on this thread. There was nothing he could learn here. He went back to the temple and inspected the room. There were no windows. No secret compartments, save for the one in which the Destroyer rested. The thief could not have entered through the front door. The guards would have seen him. He considered interrogating them again, but from what Lady Eir and Frigga could tell, the guards had not been enchanted.
Thor went to the wall that housed the Destroyer and pressed his hand against it. The Destroyer appeared, ready to serve but Thor stepped between its legs to inspect the inner chamber. It was here that Thor caught the trace scent of green seidr. Only two people in all of Asgard had it and he doubted his own mother would have stolen the item. He followed the faint trail of sparkling green to the opposite wall and he pressed on it as well. A small portal slid open for Thor. There was a secret passage connecting from the temple to somewhere else.
The path was narrow, which was probably intentional. A horde of guards couldn’t ambush Loki this way. At the end of the long hall was a door and the closer Thor got the more noise he heard. He reached for the doorknob but received a pushback. Loki had warded the door for added security. It would’ve worked on the palace guards, but Thor knew more magic than Loki gave him credit for. Frigga was his mother too.
He removed Mjolnir from his belt and gave the magic shield a light tap. It came crashing down like invisible glass, soundless. And Loki seemed unaware, for he was still making quite the ruckus on the other side. Thor braced himself for seeing Loki in his most private state.
He opened the door and found Loki riding the Phallus which was sat upon a wooden chair. Dark hair swished in the air as Loki pistoned up and down. Drenched in sweat, cunny dripping, leaking cock in hand, he still hadn’t noticed his presence. His eyes were closed in ecstasy.
“Thor!” Loki shouted, but not because he’d noticed him. His hips snapped, his cock pulsed, and he bit his lip as he relished his high. He opened his eyes and gasped.
The two men stared at one another for a moment before Loki reached over to the bed and grabbed a pillow to shield his body. The pillowcase was made from Thor’s missing undershirt.
Thor looked around the room then and noticed all of the things that were his. Decades of missing items, long-forgotten were here. Things he’d thought he’d lost. Things he’d used only once. Things he’d all touched at some point.
“How did you get in here?” Loki asked.
“I disabled your ward.”
“What? No! Heimdall can see us!” A loud bang came from the other side of the wall then. Blocks in the masonry moved. Mortar cracked and more blocks fell as the wall broke apart.
“Get out! Thor! Get out! They cannot find you here with me!” Loki shouted. Thor saw Loki’s debauched state and knew he was right. He backed out through the door and shut it just as the hole opened with Odin, Tyrion, and the Einherjar on the other side. Loki, with his own cum still splattered across his chest, removed the Phallus and crossed his legs.
“Ah, Your Majesties…how’s the trade negotiations going? Swimmingly I trust.”
“Allfather, this desecration to our sacred relic will not stand!”
“Sacred relic my asshole. When did you forge it? Two weeks ago? Just exactly how old is the Golden Dildo of Ymir anyway?”
“Seize him,” Odin ordered. Loki wrapped his blanket around himself and tucked in the hem to maintain some semblance of modesty before the guards grabbed each arm and hauled him off to the dungeons.
“I was going to give it back. Slightly used of course,” Loki said to Tyrion as he passed.
“A thousand apologies King Tyrion. I will see to it that my son is punished for this transgression.”
“Yes, and I choose the punishment,” Tyrion said. The little monarch spied around Loki’s secret chamber and smiled. “My, quite the little magpie. I wonder who else he’s been stealing from.”
Thor paced in his chambers. He was worried about Loki’s punishment, but what bothered him more was the revelation of that room. Loki was…beautiful. Over and over the moment of Loki crying out his name at the peak of his ecstasy played in Thor’s mind. It made him feel things of which he was ashamed. Eventually, he was summoned to the royal hall to hear what Tyrion’s punishment would be. Loki would not be killed for his transgression, but he would suffer in some unspeakable way and Tyrion was a sadist.
Thor heard shouting as he approached the throne room but it died down before he could grasp the gist of the conversation. Odin was red-faced and scowling at Tyrion who looked smug and victorious. He looked around for Loki but he had not yet arrived.
“Thor, my son. Come forward.”
“Yes, father. You summoned me.”
“His Majesty, King Tyrion has chosen Loki’s punishment and it must be you that carries it out.”
“What must I do?” Thor asked. Odin looked at Tyrion with pure hatred in his eyes.
“You explain your reasoning to my son,” Odin bit out. Tyrion nodded and stepped forward.
“Thor, God of Thunder, God of Fertility. Your brother has defiled a sacred fertility relic. Both it and your brother must be purified.”
“In a fertility ritual involving all three of you.”
“You mean for me to lay with my own brother.”
“That or have Loki’s cock and womb removed and burned in a fire. Your choice.” Thunder rolled outside as Thor gripped Mjolnir.
“You’ll not harm my brother,” Thor growled as his eyes glowed with blue electricity.
“Good. It’s settled then. The ceremony will commence at dusk.” Tyrion walked away triumphant leaving Thor and Odin to glare at his back.
“Thor, there’s still time. Go to Lady Eir. She can give you a potion to make you forget.”
“And what of Loki?”
“No aid is to be given to the prisoner until the punishment is carried out.”
“He’s your son!” Thor said. Odin looked down at his shoes. He had no answers. “I’ll not take a potion. I want to be fully aware of any harm I cause Loki. He’ll not suffer this alone.”
“Loki is to be chained, and you are to…it will be done in front of the court.”
“So be it.” Thor turned to leave, and the Einherjar followed him to make sure he did not flee his duties. Temple priests came and led Thor to a ritual bath. He was dressed in a red loincloth that barely hid his modesty. His hair was braided up and away from his face and the monks slathered him scented oils.
Thor’s own heartbeat thundered in his ears. He didn’t notice the drums. The steady beat that announced his approach to the stage, for that was what it was. A show for Tyrion and for Asgard. And Loki elevated for a better view. His arms above his head as he dangled from the ceiling as his toes barely grazed the floor. His blue body on full display for every curious Asgardian to see. All who’d ever wondered about the mysteries of Jotunn anatomy would be sated tonight.
The Golden Phallus of Ymir rested upon a pedestal next to Loki, erect of course, and at a level that Loki could simply be lowered onto for penetration. Thor was commanded to breach Loki with the Phallus inside of him at the same time. Thor feared he’d tear his brother apart.
“Loki. Loki I am here brother,” Thor said as he approached him from behind. It wasn’t until he was right next to him that he saw that he’d been gagged. The irons were cutting into Loki’s wrists, leaving bruises and making him bleed a little. If he pulled down on Loki even a little, it would hurt him, possibly even break bones.
Thor snatched up the Phallus and dragged the pedestal behind Loki and set him upon it. Through his gag, Loki sighed in relief and Thor stood before Loki rather than behind so that his brother could see him and know he was safe.
“They mean for me to double penetrate you with both this and myself simultaneously. If I prepare you, do you think you can handle us both?”
Loki nodded, his eyes conveying calm. It set Thor at ease and he remembered again how Loki had cried out his name. “I don’t know how long you’ve desired me, but please believe me when I say that I hope to bring some pleasure tonight as well, my little magpie. My beloved that steals all of my shiny things and keeps them tucked away like a treasure trove,” Thor whispered as low as he could. This private moment was for his brother alone. And the gag denied him what he really wanted, which was to kiss him so he took him in his arms instead and held him.
Thor’s right-hand dove between Loki’s thighs and Loki opened for him. Through the mouthpiece, he moaned, his back arching into the touch. The crowd watching whispered amongst themselves as Thor shielded their view of Loki as much as he could with his own body. From here on out, he paid them no mind at all. Loki was his mission.
He teased Loki’s lower lips, tracing them with his fingers before dipping inside. He worked Loki’s cock with his other hand and since they could not kiss, Loki rested his forehead against Thor’s. But as the minutes wore on, Thor couldn’t carry on in silence.
“I noticed you once, in the bath. We were young men. Still boys really. I was at that age when everything excited me. So, I brushed off my feelings. I buried them, and I’m so sorry I did. We will talk when this is over Loki. I think our time as brothers, is done. But I think you and I have only begun.”
Thor inserted a fourth finger and to his encouragement, Loki did not wince or whimper. He kissed Loki’s neck and then the shell of his ear. He pressed little kisses to his shoulder. He whispered more sweet nothings to him, feeling his slick flow out of him like honey.
“Get on with it already!” Tyrion shout from somewhere in the room.
“I’m going to make him pay. It may be many years yet, but so help me Loki, I swear it.” Thor reached down and pulled the front of his loincloth aside and guided his shaft to Loki. He pressed their bodies together and when they joined Loki yelled out a muffled cry of passion. He bucked into Thor, inviting him to take him deeper. Thor shuddered as he surrounded himself with Loki’s wet accepting heat. He bucked once, twice, and then he fucked. Loki wrapped his legs around Thor’s waist and hung on.
Tyrion’s smile faded as he realized the mistake he’d made. Loki was not in a state of horror. Nor was Thor. And when this lovemaking culminated in Thor hurting Loki briefly with the double penetration, they would blame him for Loki’s injuries.
Loki was moaning unbridled now through his mask, gasping for air through his nose. His toes curled, his legs seized, for a moment his whole body quaked and then he went limp. Thor readjusted his weight to keep Loki supported and finished his rutting until he blessed Loki with his “sacred seed”.
Still dazed and slick with juices, the Phallus entered Loki with a dirty squelch. It was fine, but Thor had to ride him again.
Thor yelled out in pain when he penetrated Loki. It was too tight for them both. He snapped his hips a few times and pulled out and that was it. They were done.
“Release him! Now!” Thor bellowed. Einherjar rushed the platform and released Loki’s cuffs and removed his gag. He took in a sharp breath of fresh air as Thor carded his fingers through his hair.
“I’m sorry I took all of your things,” Loki said.
“Did they give you comfort?”
“Yes. It was the closest thing I could have to your embrace.”
“Then you shall feel my embrace always. Marry me.”
“Yes,” Loki leaned forward and they claimed each other’s lips. Unimpeded by restraints, his hands explored the plains of Thor’s shoulders, torso, and ass.
A guard cleared his throat.
“Highnesses. The punishment is over.”
“Is that what that was supposed to be?” Loki asked. “I thought it was a bedding ceremony.”
Tyrion stood in the gatehouse, Golden Dick of Destiny in hand as he waited for the last of his retinue to arrive. A magpie flew into the gatehouse and landed at his feet.
“Ah, Loki. How are you? Stretched out I trust?”
“It wasn’t so bad,” Loki said as he transformed.
“You play a very dangerous game. I could have had you gelded but instead, I accidentally gave you exactly what you wanted.”
“Yes, well a little spy told me that one of your favorite things to do is masturbate to the thought of Frey and Freya fucking. Got a thing for sibling incest, eh?”
“Not a much as you do. You got caught on purpose.”
“Aye. And now I’ll be the future Queen of Asgard, and my husband will never look kindly upon you again. Enjoy the fruits of this trade agreement. It’ll be the last time you take advantage of our treasury.”
“Majesty.” The two bowed in mock respect to one another. Tyrion stepped into the Bifrost and was gone.
“I never told Odin or Tyrion about your little room. How did they find out?” Heimdall asked.
“A little bird told them.”