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Goose v. Goose

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This isn’t your body. That’s the first thing you notice. Somehow you’ve acquired an extra set of feet, lost your beak, your tail is much longer, oh the whole thing is just wrong.

However, one thing hasn’t changed. There’s still a situation in front of you, and you know, you just know there’s chaos you could cause here.

Sure enough, just looking around, you see a number of situations that you want to play with immediately.

There’s no bell, no shiny, wonderful, golden bell, but there’s a shiny blue box, and oh-oh no, there’s a woman putting it in a box! One that blocks out all its light! Doesn’t she know something that shiny is meant to be stolen, not hidden away? You try to stretch out for it, but hands hold you back, and no amount of wriggling frees you.

You have to have it.

There’s a lot going on around you, however. The box with the shiny blue keeps getting passed back and forth between people.

You can play this game too. You’re really quite good at this game.

Your first target is the one aiming at the tall one who carried you for a while. You’d never been carried before - at least, not in a way that hadn’t ended up with you being dropped quickly or unceremoniously outside of some gate or other. This one had carried you in a way that made you think it might be nice to be carried if you ever got your real, better body back, with scritches and a low, murmuring voice and long, slow strokes along your back that made every muscle in your body relax in bliss. The other one looks mean and clearly inferior. They look like they would chase you with a rake. You don’t like them.

You creep up on them, intending to honk, to scare them like you usually do, like they deserve, but all that comes out is a pitiful soft sound. What good is this body?

“What was that?” You hear them say, looking around until they see you. “Oh god, they have a flurken?” You don’t know what they’re saying, but the nice tall one is safely around the corner, and the mean one sounds like they fear you, as they rightfully should. Even without a honk, you’ve asserted your rightful place. You intend to honk happily, celebrating the return of the proper order to this world but instead feel your too-long tail sway slowly behind you. How did this body ever get anything done? How did it communicate anything properly?

No matter, there were other things that could be done, even without honking.

You find a trove of other metal boxes, much like the one the shiny blue cube had been put in. You check, but none of them contain anything wonderful or shiny, but everyone else seems to be searching for the box with the shiny blue cube as well. You try to pick one up by the convenient handle, but without a beak, it’s surprisingly difficult. You settle for pawing one around - it’s fun! You leave a trail of them all throughout the corridors, and delight each time one is opened to the searcher’s dismay. Don’t they realize there’s a lot of joy to be had in playing?

There’s a lot of loud noises, which bother this body far more than they really should - how does it not delight in a good, loud honk? You can feel the involuntary response of fur rising along your spine, but you overcome it with the thought of chaos yet to come.

“Goose!” That’s strange - someone here knows your name! And is calling it affectionately! “There you are!” You’re picked up, and twisting, you see that it’s the nice, tall one, and you relax into his arms, allowing him to give you scritches.

“Hold it right there.” It’s the mean one! And he’s got more people with him who look mean.

The nice one holds you back, and you try to honk angrily at the mean ones once again. Maybe if you try hard enough, even if this body can’t honk, it can make another noise that might be even a third as intimidating.

You open your mouth, but instead of a honk, out comes a mass of tentacles. They wave everywhere, whipping and grappling, and you grasp the mean ones and bang them about for a bit before pulling them in and consuming them entirely. Oh! That’s so much better than you were expecting! Not as nice as a good honk, of course, but certainly useful.

Maybe this body could teach you something after all! Oh, if you could just carry the bells inside, then the villagers wouldn’t even have to get mad! You could just take them and collect them forever and not get caught teaching them to have fun. You like the sound of the bell, but it did seem to make all of the villagers mad. You’d tried to teach them the joys of the bells, but they seemed to only want to put it up in the town they’d built just to be your size and not hear it ring, so maybe it was better to only ring it for your own sake. You’ve never tried to just eat anyone before, but then again, your villagers were a nice sort, once they got over their hangups about proper positioning of vegetables or slippers. Really, who didn’t know that soap belonged alongside water! You were just doing everyone a favor.

You’d thought this whole new body thing would be a disaster, but maybe it would turn out alright after all! Maybe you could even get to consume that shiny blue cube and take it back with you!? Imagine how nicely it would go with all of your bells!

To multiple cries of “Goose!” you squirm out of the nice one’s arms, intent on finding the glowing one and the shiny cube. You were on a mission now, and woe betide those who got in your way!