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Text Message from Bucky

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Text message from Bucky: This is weird

Text message from Tony: Kill anyone?

Text message from Bucky: No

Text message from Tony: Win.

Text message from Bucky: Fuck you

Text message from Tony: LOL

Text message from Bucky: I just woke up in bed sandwiched between two people

Text message from Tony: HOT. Send pics?

Text message from Bucky: No. I just stepped out to the bathroom so I could text you.

Text message from Tony: You brought the phone into the bathroom?? They're going to assume you're posting online pics of your poop

Text message from Bucky: SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS TOTALLY WEIRD THEY ARE JUST SITTING IN BED SHARING DOUGHNUTS AND CHATTING LIKE THIS IS ALL NORMAL

Text message from Tony: They spell it "donuts" now

Text message from Bucky: This century spells things wrong.

Text message from Tony: So what's the problem? They didn't offer you any donuts?

Text message from Bucky: I wake up and they are just talking like every Saturday they have their usual post-threesome brunch. I didn't know what to say.

Text message from Tony: Oh you're asking me for threesome etiquette. Very good choice, I'm very experienced. Just say thank you for a nice night and leave. And maybe send them jewelry after if you hope to do it again.

Text message from Bucky: I don't want to leave, I want to not be awkward. I used to be good at this, dammit!

Text message from Tony: Oh you want a morning fuck.

Text message from Bucky: Tony. I want to stay and hang out with them.

Text message from Tony: Huh. That's very mature. Can't help you. PS do I know your threesome buddies? Are they hot?

Text message from Bucky: TTYL

********

Text message from Bucky: So you were right about Clint and Natasha

Text message from Pepper: !!! So did you?

Text message from Bucky: Yeah

Text message from Pepper: *applause*

Text message from Bucky: i hate you

Text message from Pepper: LOL. I'm just happy for you. How was it?

Text message from Bucky: Amazing. but what do i do now

Text message from Pepper: Well, the general assumption is that you will reciprocate

Text message from Bucky: I know how to have sex!!! I mean after, now that they're just hanging out and eating breakfast.

Text message from Pepper: it sounds like you should hang out and eat breakfast

Text message from Bucky: No. THEY are hanging out like everything's normal. They are talking about articles in the fucking newspaper and sharing a cup of coffee. What the fuck am I doing here?

Text message from Pepper: What's the issue?

Text message from Bucky: I don't do normal! I do angry sex and leaving right after! The last people in the world I fucking thought would be normal domestic and warm&fuzzy are Clint and Natasha!

Text message from Pepper: They sound nice

Text message from Bucky: Natasha has killed people with her pinky! In the PAST TWO DAYS!!! I wasn't supposed to have to learn normal yet!!!

Text message from Pepper: You'll be fine! Go out there and relax and have fun -- gotta go to a meeting, talk more tonight

********

Text message from Bucky: I just had sex with Clint and Natasha

Text message from Steve: Bastard

Text message from Bucky: hey, girls throw themselves at you all the time, not my fault you never act on it

Text message from Steve: I repeat: bastard. But really, are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, you're working with them now so it might not be the best idea.

Text message from Bucky: Seriously, shut up. I need help. They're out there being all weird.

Text message from Steve: Are they like talking about the best way to choke someone out or something?

Text message from Bucky: I wish. They're talking about whether they want to go to the farmer's market today and if they think it's going to rain and whether they want more cream in their coffee!!!

Text message from Steve: They sound adorable

Text message from Bucky: I know, it's totally creepy. I figured they'd just get up first thing in the morning and start knife-throwing practice or something

Text message from Steve: LOL That wouldn't surprise me. But if you don't know what to say just drag them both back to bed ;)

Text message from Bucky: That's almost exactly what Tony said. Sort of.

Text message from Steve: You told Tony before me? :(

Text message from Bucky: I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences

Text message from Steve: ???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences

Text message from Bucky: Very funny, now HELP ME

Text message from Steve: Just a second. Let me take a few minutes to think of something.

Text message from Bucky: Steve?

*********

Text message from Steve: Hey

Text message from Clint: Hey

Text message from Steve: So what have you been up to?

Text message from Clint: I dunno. Definitely not corrupting anyone close to you.

Text message from Steve: Just thought you'd like to know that Bucky is cowering in the bathroom because you guys are being creepily adorable

Text message from Clint: Does he feel left out? We tried really hard to make him not feel left out!

Text message from Steve: No he just thinks it's totally weird that you guys are suddenly like Mr. Rogers and Martha Stewart.

Text message from Clint: Ha! You just implied that Mr. Rogers and Martha Stewart are fucking. Also, good job on almost modern references.

Text message from Steve: I thought those were extremely up to date.

Text message from Clint: They weren't bad. Maybe I'll like break down the bathroom door and tackle him. Will that make him feel better?

Text message from Steve: Clint. Do NOT. Do that.

Text message from Clint: Trust me, it'll work.

Text message from Steve: I'm texting Natasha next

Text message from Clint: Fine, fine, I'll think of something more "prudent". I guess I'll ask Tash what she thinks we should do.

********

Text message from Bucky: Hey, gotta go -- Clint just challenged me to a shooting contest and Natasha wants to spar with the winner.

Text message from Steve: Cool - have fun.