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Falling Up

Chapter Text

"What we learned here is love tastes bitter when it's gone
Past yourself forget the light, things look dirty when it's on
Funny how it comes to pass, that all the good slips away
And there's no one around you can remember being good to you" - Shame by Matchbox 20


Ch.1 Shame

(Dawn POV)

I watched as the fire ate up the building that I had lived in for the last year. Spike and Drusilla were dead, after six years they were gone. And all I could was laugh and cry. I loved them, how sick is that? Despite the beatings and the rapes, I still loved them both. They took care of me. They loved me, I know they did. Why else would they have kept me since I was eleven?

Because of them I became a Leopard, more beautiful and able to take the torture. And now I have nothing, nothing at all. I should be happy that Faith came; years ago I prayed my big sister would come save me. But I gave that up years ago. Truth was I hated her for killing them. No this is wrong all wrong I love Faith, I need Faith. She is here now, standing beside me holding my hand.

What do I do now? Where we I go? So many questions and things running though my head, I wanted it to all stop. Please some make it stop.


“Dawn. Dawn are you okay? Sweetie?” Faith’s voice sounded so far away. There was no fire anymore, no questions. My sight and mind went black. The last thing I heard was Faith screaming my name.


(Faith POV)

I looked back at the sleeping form of my little sister. I never thought I would see her again. I had given up hope, but two and a half weeks ago I found out that I was wrong. Dawn was alive, but not human anymore. When I had heard that I flipped out and punched Kevin in the face a few times. When the other finally pulled me off him and told me that she was Wereleopard. I breathed and sigh of relief that was short lived.

How was I suppose to take care of a 17 year old Wereleopard? It only took a minute to figure out that I couldn’t possibly do this. I knew of some people who could though. That was why I was sitting in the car next to Anita Blake. Now Anita could and would take care of Dawn. Okay so Micah and Nathaniel, but Micah and Anita would be her Nimir-Raj and Nimir-Ra. She would be in a pard, she would be safe.

“No she won’t, she never will be. She’ll hurt herself and others. She’ll never be her Dawnie again. She’ll never-” Shut up mind, everything will be okay. “Yeah, just keep telling your self that.”

2 hours later…

We were finally pulling into the parking lot of The Circus of the Damned. I looked back at Dawn she was still asleep. Okay she was more like passed out drunk. But it didn’t really mattered, I was just happy to see Dawn again. She wasn’t alone any more, she had family. “But I’m still sad.”

Jason, Micah and Nathaniel were right outside the door waiting for them. Showtime.

“Anita, can you go tell them I got her.” I asked not even looking at her, I only had eyes for Dawn.


I heard her door open and shut, but still I wouldn’t look away from Dawn. I was worried that if I looked away she would disappear. I don’t know how long I looked at her. Finally I looked away and open my door. I got out of the car and quickly opened the back door. I reached out my hand and touched her face, a cut on the left side of her face was slowly healing. I didn’t even realize I was crying until Jason came over and hugged me.

“I should of looked harder, I should have been there. Th-this is all my fault, a-all my fa-fault,” I couldn’t speak any more cause I was crying so hard. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair. God I hated myself more at that moment then I ever did before.

“Come on let’s get inside.” Jason spoke softly in my ear. I looked up to see Micah caring Dawn towards the door, I followed suit.

When we got inside and down the stairs we made our way silently to the bedroom that was prepare for Dawn. Micah gently laid her to the bed, I when to the bed and sat down on the side of bed. I looked down at her, she is beautiful. I looked up when I heard hushed voices at the door. Dr. Lillian and Cherry were standing there talking to Anita.
Dr. Lillian made her way to the bed to look over Dawn.

A few minutes later she gave the all clear. Dawn would be fine, physically at least. Cherry gave me a small smile as she went to stand next to Micah. I just sat there not looking at anyone for the longest time.

“I can’t,” my voice broke, I tried again “I can’t just sit here. I need sleep. I really, really need sleep.”

I got up and walked as fast I could out of the room. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. All I knew is that I couldn’t be there any more.

“Faith,” when Jason said my name it startled me. I looked up at him with pledging eyes.

“Please bring back to your room.”

“Okay.” Jason took my hand a lead me away from the room, away from Dawn.


(Dawn POV)

I woke to a room I didn’t recognize, where was I? Where was Dru and Spike? Then it all came back, Faith, the fire, the questions. She looked around the room and spotted a man. He had very long auburn hair and was asleep in the chair next to the bed I was on. I slowly quietly got up and walk the short distance to him. Just one guard and he was asleep, this was too easy.

Then he opened his eyes and I stopped moving. His eyes were lilac, truly they were. I didn’t really know what to do so I did the first thing that came to my mind. I jump on him, make the chair he was in fall onto the ground. But I didn’t have time to much more, because to arm wrapped around me from behind, pinning my arms to my sides. I struggled a little, but the arms just held on tighter.

It felt good, the arms holding me tightly. I want him to squeeze me tighter, so I wiggled around some more. When he squeezed harder I made a noise that was part whimper and part sigh. With the arms still around me I closed my eyes and fell back into the blackness.

Chapter Text

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive" - Iris By Goo Goo Dolls


(Dawn’s POV)

Faith was talking, but I wasn’t listening to her. I wanted to see the man with lilac eyes again. They had tied me to the bed, my wrists bound by metal covered in silk cloth. Nicer then what Dru and Spike had used, so much nicer. I remember the first time they had tied me to a bed. I had been so scared, that’s the night Spike had me. I could hear my own screams in my head. I didn’t want them in there. Suddenly I started pulling on the silk covered metal.

No, no, no….get out. Go away!!!!!!!

I lashed out at Faith with my foot.

I didn’t want this.

I was kicking out randomly, until someone grabbed my legs and held them down. I screamed wordlessly at them. I want to be free. I pulled harder on what bound my wrists. Pulled until I could feel and smell my own blood, someone was yelling.

Warm hands touched my checks; I looked up into lilac eyes. The smell of vanilla invaded my senses. I stopped moving, all I could do was look up into those eyes.

“Dawn, I’m going to reach up and release your wrists now. But you have to promise not to attack any one. Can you do that?” his voice was soft and sweet, I loved it.

I nodded yes and waited for him to release me. After he did I sighed in relief. I laid there limp, never taking my eyes off him.
I never wanted to look away; I wanted stay just like this forever.

“Dawn, Dawn look at me,” Faith sounded angry. I finally took my eyes off of this strange to look at my sister.

“Dawn-” Faith was cut off by the man with lilac eyes.

“You are bleeding,” he said in his soft, sweet, lovable voice of his. He got up off the bed and walked across the room into what must have been a bathroom.

I sat up and looked around the room. There was a man and woman standing near the door. The man was the same height as the women and had brown hair and yellow-green cat eyes. The woman had brown hair that looked black and cold, calculating brown eyes.

I looked away from them and looked at the others of the room. A tall man with red hair and green eyes, a man with blond hair and blue eyes, and my sister. I didn’t say a word, I just waited for the man with lilac eyes to come back.

When he finally did he had a wash cloth and a first aid kit. He sat down on the side of the bed and took my left wrist, which was the one bleeding.

“I’m Nathaniel, that’s Damian over there,” he pointed to the man red hair, “and that’s Jason,” he pointed to the man with blond hair, “and over there is Micah and Anita, our Nimir-Raj and Nimir-Ra. They will take care of you.” When he was finished saying this he also finished wrapping my wrist with bandages.

“Hi,” was all I got out before my stomach growled.

Nathaniel was smiling and Faith stared laughing so hard tears ran down her face. The tears were probably more than just from laughing.

“So food?” Nathaniel said while still smiling.

Chapter Text

I couldn't believe what I was seeing
Faces all screwed up like what I'd done
I didn't mean to hurt you so much
I knew it would hurt you but not like this
We all make a mess from time to time, dear
- On/Off by Snow Patrol

(Nathaniel POV)

I glided this lovely woman towards the small kitchen here under the circus. Pulling a chair out for, I glided her into the chair. Looking behind me I saw that Micah, Anita, Faith, and Jason had followed us from the rom. Faith came over to where Dawn sat and sat down beside her at the table. Micah and Anita sat across from them, and Jason came over to help me with the food.

I looked at Dawn with her chocolate brown hair and blue-silver eyes that were filled with such sadness. I knew what it was like to hurt that much.

“What do like to eat Dawn?” I asked her, looking right at her telling her that I saw her with my eyes. That it was going to be okay or it will be soon. I was going to make it his mission to make her happy. I felt drawn to her, in a way I didn’t real understand yet.

“Cereal.” Dawn muttered. If I was a shifter, I wouldn’t have heard her. Her voice was so sweet, like a soft breeze. I went over to the cabinet I knew had cereal in it. I had gone shopping yesterday so we would have lots of food for Dawn’s arrive.

“We have Frosted Flakes, CoCo Puffs, and Lucky Charms. What do you want?” I asked her, looking over at where she sat. Knowing she would pick the last, because that’s what Faith said was her favorite.

“You have Lucky Charms!” Dawn exclaimed, excited at the thought of eating that cereal again. Micah looked happy to see that his newest pard member was opening up a little.

“Sorry.” She muttered, like her exclamation was a bad thing.

“Dawn you-“ Micah started to talk only to be cut off by Faith.

“Dawn. You’re aloud to be excited and happy now. Don’t you dare say you’re sorry for that! Do you hear me?!?” Faith grasped onto Dawn’s upper arms. Dawn looked at Faith with fear in her eyes, I could smell it. All the shifters in the room could smell it.

Jason pulled Faith off Dawn and Micah took Dawn into his arms. Talking to her, trying to calm her down so she could put her fears to rest. Dawn was at this point crying and saying ‘sorry’ over and over again. Jason took an angry Faith out of the room.

An hour later Dawn finally calmed down, with the help of Micah, Anita, and myself. Dawn was like a ticking time bomb, we didn’t know yet what all set her off. But yelling and tying her up were on that list I was making in my head, know that Micah was making the same list.

Dawn now sat quietly eating her second bowl of Lucky Charms. She was, well, cute. Sitting there enjoying her cereal. I felt close to her, she smelled of peaches and cream. The beast inside me screamed to be with her. It only took about a second to understand what I was feeling for Dawn.

She was my mate.


(Faith POV)

I yelled at her, how could I? After everything that she has gone through over all these years. I was a bad person, a bad sister, a bad hunter. Just plain bad and not in a good way.

“Faith, it’s going to be okay. She’ll understand, you’re just mad and sad and well you know what you’ll feeling.” Jason was trying to make me feel better and he did a little. Jason was good at that, that’s one of the reasons I was loved with him. I looked into his eyes, seeing love and concern there. It was too much, I started crying again, God I was a mess.

I pulled his body towards mine, covering his mouth with my own. My tongue spilled into his mouth, playing with his tongue. After a long moment I pulled away coming up for air.

“Let’s go to your room.” Once there I looked at him with a heated glaze.

“Pants off.” I commanded of him.

“Yes mama.” Jason said laughingly, lighting up the mood.

“Don’t call me mama.” I said as I pulled off my clothes and he did too. Jason laughed but it didn’t last as he turned his glaze to my naked body.

“Shall we?” I asked walking over to the bed. As soon as his hands were on me I forgot all my worries.


(Dawn POV)

He was beautiful, with all that auburn hair and lilac eyes. He was what I have been looking for. He smelled nice, he was kind, and he was home. Everything inside me from my beast to my heart told me he was what I needed. He would save me.

Nathaniel, even his name made me happy. I watched him as he cleaned up after me and made me a cup of hot cocoa. I was falling in lo-

No you can’t love anyone else Niblet. You are mine, pet. Mine and Dru’s that is my little kitty cat.

Spike’s voice filled my head. His voice hurt. It hurt so much. I wanted to run to them and ran away from them. But I couldn’t do either because they were dead. It was bitter sweet, that thought. I was dragged out of my head by a voice. This one outside my head.

“Dawn, are you okay?” Micah looked at me with eyes filled with concern and something else that I couldn’t comprehend. He was so nice and safe. He would help get away from the voices that haunted me and so would Nathaniel.

“Spike was talking again.” I looked at Micah hoping he could help me. Micah looked more than concerned now. He was sad now and it was my fault.

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly so he knew I didn’t mean to make him sad with what I said.

“You have nothing to be sorry for Dawn. I’m going to try and help and so will others. Don’t worry.” Micah’s voice was filled with kindness.

“But I made you sad.”

“No you didn’t. They did the vampires that hurt you.”

“Okay.” I said not really believing his words.

Nathaniel came over then and put a steaming mug in front of me. He smiled at me, kindly, not in an evil way. It made my heart sing. It made head feel better. It made me feel better. He was what I needed, all along. He’s what I have been waiting for. I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

“Thank you.” I said giving him a small smile that was very foreign to me.


(Faith POV)

I walked back into the kitchen to see Dawn smiling at Nate. Why was she smiling at him, she should be smiling at me. I saved her, I was her sister. My happy mood disappeared. And not even Jason could help me now.

She was my sister, she needed me.

And you need her. The little voice in my head sang out.