Kao stared at nothing in particular as he laid on his bed in the dark, folding his body closer as the memories of the events prior repeated in his head. He wasn’t crying anymore, much too dried out after having done it for so long.
He wondered what had gone wrong for it to all turn out this way. Everything was going too well and then it all switched, dropping like a bomb and hurting him in all types of ways.
Kao dug his face deeper into his pillow, feeling the ripples of sadness coming back like continuous waves at the beach. They never stop, even when he thinks it’s over or when he believes he’s run out. They always come back with overwhelming power and emotion, making his stomach sink in and his heart to sting in pain.
Tears. Never-ending tears everyday. Kao was getting tired, dark bags under his sleepless and lifeless eyes as he walked around like a pale ghost.
He just didn’t understand how to fix all this - how to make Pete understand nothing was going on between him and Non or how to make Pete talk to him again. To make him understand he loved him the most, that he was his happiness, his sadness, his everything, and more.
Memories between him and Pete prior to the fight replay like a record in Kao’s mind, almost like it was telling him - taunting him - that they will never happen again. He will never experience such happiness and love again. He will never have Pete again.
Kao’s bottom lip trembled at the thought and he immediately bit his bottom lip, restricting any noise from coming out.
He was hurt, tired, and lost without Pete.
Kao tried to call Pete once more that night, but was immediately sent to voicemail. So, he left one.
“Pete...I’m sorry,” he started, voice raspy and dry from not talking at all in the past few hours, “I really didn’t mean to lie to you, I promise.“
Kao paused, licking his lips. He stayed silent for another few ticking seconds, pondering over what to say.
“Just...I’m sorry,” he repeated, “I really mean it when I say there’s nothing going on between me and Non, Pete. I love you, you know that, right?”
Kao shut his eyes when he felt the tears rushing back, memories of Pete following their way into his thoughts and reminding him that it was over. He messed all this up with a lie.
“Pete,” Kao said, voice cracking in the end as tears made their way down across his face and hit his pillow, “didn’t you say that breaking up was out of the question? So, why are we separated? Why aren’t we together? Why can’t you be beside me like you usually are?”
Kao bit his bottom lip, trying to force back any sounds of him crying and breaking down. He took a deep breath and then some more before continuing when he felt calmed down just a bit.
“I miss you, Pete. I love you. I’m sorry.”
He ends the call afterwords, stuffing his phone under his pillow and hugging himself tighter into a ball, letting more stray tears wet his pillow as he thought back to the good days where there wasn’t any fights, where there wasn’t any pain, and where there wasn’t any tears.