Matt holds his glass up to the last of the sunlight, the dark ruby red resembles blood under the diminishing light. "I have had a perfectly wonderful day," he announces, turning to smile at Chris.
"Yeah?" Chris grins back. "I'm glad. It certainly started out well," he deadpans, a mischievous glint in his eye. Between bed and the kitchen and bed again, it was a wonder they ever made it out of the house but they had, if only long enough to check out the market and bring home some more food.
"I don't think you've managed to wipe that smug smile off your face all damned day." Matt rolls his eyes.
"I can't help it," Chris protests, laughing and sipping at his wine. "I like knowing I'm the best sex you've ever had."
"I'm going to regret telling you that," Matt snorts shaking his head.
"You shouldn't. It's true for me too," Chris says with a softer smile.
It takes a moment for Chris's words to register and when they do Matt slowly turns to look at his lover. "But..." he frowns, blinks and tips his head a little. "Surely not?"
"Why not?" Chris asks, meeting Matt's gaze straight on. "I'm not saying I haven't had a lot of great sex in my life, I have, but I love sex with you. It's on a whole other level."
"But..." Matt repeats before managing to plow on, "All that time with Henry, and the kink dynamic you had with him.."
Chris chews at his bottom lip, struggling with his thoughts. The last thing he wants to do is speak badly of Henry, trash their memories together, but if he and Matt are moving forward with complete honesty, then he needs to come clean. Unfortunately he's not a writer and although he loves reading, finding the words... fuck. "To me," he says quietly but firmly, "kink and sex are two different things. I mean, you can have kinky sex but you can also have sex without kink and kink without sex, obviously. Our kink dynamic was amazing but we were also struggling with it the last few years. Henry was dealing with some mental health issues and I was stuck in this weird loop of trying to guess what he needed and make him happy and every time it felt like we'd fixed things, the rules changed again. Which is not his fault or mine, but the fact he wasn't being honest with me didn't help." He pauses for a moment. "He never would have demanded I fuck him the way you do, or come in the kitchen and tell me to take my shorts off so he could rim me." He flashes a grin at Matt. "We weren't 24/7 but our roles were pretty defined and starting out that way, from the get-go, I think we lost some of the spontaneity, some of the ability to be more free with each other."
It's a lot to take in, especially given Matt had thought that apart from the issue around children Chris and Henry had been solid. However, this puts a different light on things. "So he was passive, in your sex life?" Matt asks wanting a little more clarity. "The entire time?"
"Pretty much," Chris nods. "We always joked a lot and the sex was good, I'm not complaining about that, and I think if everything else had meshed and we'd stayed together, had kids, we'd have been happy enough, but I like that you're not second-guessing how you should act, or respond. You just go with it and it's infectious and... so fucking hot."
"It is?" Matt is bemused to find that Chris feels he's responding to how Matt approaches their sex life rather than feeling like he, Matt, is holding him back. "Huh, I mean I guess I'm still making up for lost time and I am still sex-drunk on the idea that you are my lover. I have never, and I mean never been in a position to get my hands on a body as hot and perfect as yours..." Matt smiles. "It would seem a criminal waste of an opportunity to not jump you whenever the mood takes me."
Chris grins. "I hope you keep feeling that way," he says. "And even if we explore some of the other stuff, the kinky stuff, I want you to keep feeling that way."
"Oh I think if you told me I wasn't to touch you when I wanted, I'd likely tell you to fuck off," Matt scoffs at the idea. "You're mine and I'll touch, molest and be indecent with you when it suits me."
Chris laughs, happy as the proverbial clam. "I wasn't even thinking of that," he tells Matt. "More along the lines of you getting bored."
"Bored? Are you insane?" Matt turns wide eyes on Chris. "I don't think I will ever get bored of our sex, we are still in the early stages of the whole thing don't forget."
"I'm not," Chris promises. "But perfect's a big thing to live up to," he adds with a grin. "As is spectacular." His grin widening, eyes glinting again. "Which reminds me... I was going to ask you some more about your past this morning."
"I never said you were perfect," Matt laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He sips his wine then waves it in the direction of his lover. "You want to know more? Go on then, fire away."
"You've never been tied down, but have you ever been blindfolded?" Chris asks, reaching for the bottle and topping up both their glasses.
Matt shakes his head, "Nope, no one ever offered and I never thought about it."
"And no cock rings and no being restrained with anything other than hands?" Chris clarifies.
"No, not that I can recall," Matt grins as he takes a drink. "I used poppers back in the day, as well as molly, so apart from that and the usual gay sex acts I'd say it was all pretty tame."
"See? There you go," Chris points, that area definitely somewhere Matt's been more adventurous than him. "Other than alcohol, I've never used any drugs."
"What? Really?" Matt huffs out a sound of surprise. "Not even weed?"
"Nope," Chris shakes his head. "I've been in the same room with it. Liam and Miley smoke up a lot and I've probably got a contact high from being around them but when I was around ten, my dad, who was always a do-what-I-say-not-what-I-do kind of guy, caught the three of smoking his cigarettes and beat the shit out of us. After that, I stayed away from anything smoke-related and the idea of anything more serious just freaked me out."
"I don't indulge now and I haven't for a long while but it was all fun at the time," Matt explains. "Now I'm happy with a good bottle of wine. Must be my age."
Chris smiles, taking a sip from his own glass. "When you were doing it, did it make a big difference to the actual sex?"
"I guess so, poppers did for sure, they were good for quick fucks as they bypassed some of the need for prep, you got horny and hard quickly but I'd always end up with a horrific headache the day after. Molly was for partying in general, staying up all weekend so I could dance and hook up, it wasn't about quality sex rather quantity sex." He grins mischievously at Chris "I told you I was a slut."
Chris laughs and grins back. "So did you ever have sex with more than one person at the same time?" he asks, eyebrow raised.
Matt's nose wrinkles up before he answers. "Not intentionally," he laughs, "but, yes the back rooms of some of the gay bars I used to frequent could get a little... out of hand on occasion."
That gets another soft laugh, Chris thinking about what it must be like to have had that freedom. All of it. "And after you met Dylan? You guys never experimented? Didn't have any fantasies you wanted to play out with each other?" he asks, genuinely interested, sipping at his wine between questions.
Matt is amused by how nosey Chris seems to be about his and Dylan's sex life. "By the time I met him I'd calmed down, I had ditched that crowd and those parties about a year previously. I was ready for something more stable, sedate even, and that was Dylan. The sex was good, it just wasn't adventurous and it was a change from what I had had before, it was intimate and tender. So no, we didn't role play or use toys or do anything you'd consider kinky."
Chris nods. "And from him until me, it's just been your hand and some porn?" he asks, adding quickly, "When you haven't been exhausted beyond belief from dealing with a baby and then toddler?"
"Yeah," Matt's voice softens and a small frown wrinkles his forehead, "until I met you there was no one, I sometimes went weeks without jerking off because it left me feeling lonely and ashamed."
Chris's heart aches at that and he reaches over to take Matt's hand. "So I assume you weren't doing much fantasizing for the same reason?"
Shaking his head Matt curls his fingers into Chris's and looks away, swallowing down the lump in his throat. "No. He broke my heart in the most brutal fashion and once I was able to think coherently again I vowed I'd never let myself be hurt like that again. I did my best to shut that part of myself down and redirect my energy into building a new life with Luca and Kate."
Chris tugs on Matt's hand. "Come sit with me again, lap," he says, pushing his chair back a little to make room. He needs to hold and touch Matt right now, give him every reassurance he can.
Matt is only too happy to oblige, he sets his glass down and pushes out of his own seat, before turning to lower himself into Chris's lap. He tips his head to rest against Chris's shoulder and sighs, finding comfort in his lover's warmth and scent.
"If it seems like I'm being nosey, it's only because I never want you to shut down that part of you again," Chris says softly, wrapping his arms around Matt. "I want you to have everything you want and need, not only as a dad and a partner and friend but as my lover."
"Everything?" Matt murmurs, moving his mouth to press a kiss to the corner of Chris's jaw.
"Within reason," Chris chuckles, breath catching. "The way you say that makes me worry," he teases, hand moving up under Matt's shirt, over his smooth warm skin.
"Hmm, maybe you should," Matt smiles. "Why did you want to know all those things? If I'd been blindfolded, had a threesome?"
"Because with me you seem very uninhibited and not at all vanilla," Chris admits, fingers rubbing over Matt's back, "so I was curious what you'd done in the past, what all your sexual experiences had been like."
"Uninhibited?" Matt pulls back a little to look at Chris. "That is not something I've been called in a very very long time," he admits, "if ever."
"Then maybe it's something I bring out in you," Chris suggests with a smile, "or something you buried because you thought it didn't fit with having a 'real' relationship."
"So you think I'm uninhibited and not vanilla?" It's certainly not how Matt would have ever described himself if asked just a few months ago. "That is not how I see myself at all," he admits. "I'd like to think it's you, something in me responding to you."
"Okay," Chris nods, not about to deny it. "But then I think you're responding on two levels: how attracted you are to me and to my dominance."
"Both? Always both?" Matt leans his head back against Chris's shoulder. "You know what I mean." This is him admitting that he is affected by Chris's dominance and there is no point pretending otherwise.
Chris smiles, recognizing the change, the admission. "Yes both but not always both," he says with a smile. "This morning in the kitchen you certainly weren't reacting to my dominance. Or when you're growling at me that you want to fuck." Which has happened more than a few times.
Huffing out a laugh at that Matt makes to play bite at Chris's neck. "You love me demanding your dick," he accuses with humour.
"I do," Chris says with a grin, nodding, not even trying to pretend otherwise. "Hugely. Which is what I meant about not ever wanting that to change. I'd love it if we could play with some of the kink stuff, find out where your comfort zone lies, but I never want to lose the whole just general down and dirty thing you're into."
"So how do you want us to move forward then?" Matt reaches for his wine again and sips it, fingers curled around the glass.
"Slowly, with baby steps." Which is so unlike how they've done things so far but they've got years, hell, they have the rest of their lives. "I'd like to tie you to the bed like I mentioned last night. Blindfold you too or we could keep that for another time."
"Mmmm, okay," Matt agrees without giving himself time to overthink it, after all he trusts Chris and the sex has been incredible so far. "Might need to remind me what baby steps are though yeah?"
"I will," Chris promises with a soft laugh. "I'll keep reminding both of us." He smiles at Matt and kisses him. "If we're going to do this, we should do it tonight, or wait until I get back. What do you think?"
"Wait until you get back, it gives us both some time, it also means my butt can recover," Matt seeks a further kiss, licking into Chris's mouth. "Maybe we can talk about it over Skype, that way we can actually talk without getting ahead of ourselves."
"Okay," Chris agrees, pulling Matt to straddle him and licking back, their tongues tangling. "Does that mean I need to leave your ass alone completely?" he teases, hands cupping and squeezing.
Cupping Chris's face in his palms Matt offers a lazy smile, "I don't recall saying anything of the sort." Tilting Chris's head back a little, he presses his lips to those of his lover's smearing barely coherent words of how he much he loves Chris.
"I love you too," Chris murmurs in return. "So much." His hands up under Matt's shirt now, stroking over his back, his sides, fingers playing with his nipples.
"Let's go to bed Chris," Matt whispers. "I want to feel your skin against mine, I want to be able to sleep in your arms when we're done." Never mind it's really not that late in the evening, Matt can't think of anywhere else he'd rather be than in an intimate bubble of their own making, he might just manage to forget that his lover is leaving soon and he'll be alone again for another two weeks.
"Can I carry you?" Chris asks, eyes crinkling, reluctant to let Matt go for even a moment.
"Yeah, why not?" Looping his arms around Chris's neck he waits to see just how easily, or not, his lover will manage this.
Chris grins. Moving his feet shoulder width apart, he hooks his hands under Matt's ass, keeping him close to his body as he presses downward through his feet to raise his body to a standing position. "You're way more fun than a barbell," he says with a smile and a kiss.
"That was too easy," Matt shakes his head, he'd felt the shift of muscle when Chris had moved, and he realises he's still not fully aware of how powerful and strong his lover really is. "And you say you have to bulk up more for Thor?"
"Yeah, I put on about another thirty pounds of muscle," Chris nods, making Matt's got his legs wrapped around him before he moves them to the sliding doors, one hand dropping for a few seconds to get it open.
"What would you be able to do with me then?" Matt smirks, curled around Chris's torso and, much to his surprise, liking it very much.
"We'll have to see," Chris says, smiling, closing the doors and hiking Matt against him. "The way I am already I could fuck you like this, no wall needed."
"Fuck." The expletive leaves Matt's mouth before he can think, the picture in his mind of them naked, Chris's skin slick in sweat as they fuck is so hot.
"Is that a yes?" Chris grins, stilling where they are, his arousal at the idea very obvious and pressed against Matt.
"Yeah, yeah it is," Matt nods licking over his lower lip and grinding down against Chris's hard on.
Chris's grin widens and he reaches out, dropping the blinds and resting Matt on the back of the huge armchair just long enough to get rid of his lover's t-shirt and jeans and then his own, rather impressed by his only somewhat awkward balancing act. "Now we need lube," he says, carrying Matt into the kitchen, a sachet pulled from the odds and ends drawer.
"Do you have lube hidden everywhere?" Matt asks, amused at how Chris is carrying him around as easily as he does Luca. A month ago this would have horrified him, but now, with his skin moving against Chris's all warm and firm, it's so sensual, erotic.
"Not everywhere," Chris says, tearing the packet open with his teeth. "Just the bedside tables, the shower, the coffee table and this drawer." He grins, slicking his fingers, holding Matt to him with one hand.
"Anyone would think you were a horn dog," Matt gasps as Chris's fingers probe his tender hole, the gel cool and silky. "Hmmm, that feels good," he murmurs, pushing against Chris's chest.
"I am," Chris admits with a grin, "but only when it comes to you," he adds, slipping one finger inside then a second, carefully stretching Matt open.
Matt hisses when the play of Chris's fingers stretch a little too much, his fingers tightening against the meat of his lover's back. "I must still be wet," he murmurs, "From before."
"Yeah," Chris nods, easing up a little, more lube squirted onto his fingers, his cock slicked. "But I don't want to hurt you."
"I'm more than capable of telling you if you do," Matt bites playfully at Chris's throat. "It's tender, but I'm okay with that," he adds. "I want you more."
Chris pretty much beams at that. He takes a few seconds more, despite what they've both said, to loosen Matt up and then, using both hands now, lifts his lover up, getting his cock nudged against that slick still-tight pucker before he pushing in, lowering Matt onto him.
Matt shifts until he's sure he has a tight hold around Chris's neck, his face pressed cheek to cheek, his mouth at Chris's ear. "Talk to me," he whispers his demand. "Tell me what you'd do to me."
"What wouldn't I do?" Chris says, hands on Matt's ass, cupping and spreading his cheeks so he can thrust in all the way. "I'd eat your ass, mark every inch of you with my teeth, fuck you so hard we both hurt..."
Dragging his lips along Chris's jawline Matt makes a soft sound of want, he licks along the seam of Chris's lips his tongue nudging, demanding access. When his lover's lips part Matt kisses him deep, groaning as Chris fully sheaths himself. This is so hot, so ridiculously erotic.
Chris licks into Matt's mouth, their tongues sliding against each other, his grip on Matt's ass tightening as his thrusts begin to pick up speed. He groans, head swimming with how good this feels, how hot and tight Matt is around him, something about being able to pick his lover up and fuck him like this sparking his arousal so very hard.
Even as Chris's fingers dig into his butt cheeks, Matt does similar, his own hands pressing hard and deep, nails scoring Chris's shoulder blades. Done not out of fear of being dropped, his trust in Chris is absolute, but as a measure of his own arousal, his own need. Like their sex earlier in the day this is a passionate frenzy of mutual want spurred on by their impending separation and the revelations of the day.
"Is this what you want?" Chris growls softly, drawing back just enough to get the words out, his cock thrust into his lover's body again and again, fully sheathed in that tight wet heat. "Me fucking you, fucking you so hard you'll still feel it when I'm gone?"
"Yes, fuck yes," Matt pants out, pausing to lick a trickle of sweat from the side of Chris's face, "so good that this will be burned into your memory," he adds.
"I'll be fantasizing about you, every night, every day, while I'm away," Chris promises, fingers spreading Matt's cheeks even wider so he can fuck him deeper, harder, warning, "Close," with the next thrust, wanting Matt there with him.
Matt's own dick has been trapped between them and with each thrust it's been stimulated by being pressed hard against Chris's stomach the movements lubricated by their mingled sweat. "Do it, Chris," Matt breathes the words in his lover's ear. "Do it, fill me."
A half dozen more thrusts, spurred on by those words, that breath, and Chris comes, hard, shouting above Matt's head as he pours himself into his lover.
There is something insanely powerful about how Chris lets his pleasure consume him like that, all the while holding Matt so close and so sure, that it never occurs to Matt Chris might drop him. Biting on his lover's shoulder Matt rubs furiously against Chris's torso, seeking that final stimulation that will see him orgasm too, just as hard.
Chris is still in the throes of his own climax when Matt's body clenches tight around him and a wet heat spreads between them, pulling a rough groan from deep in his chest. "That's it," he growls in Matt's ear, biting at the lobe. "Come all over me."
Matt's eyes roll back, and he goes limp in Chris's arms. "Love you," he manages to slur.
Chris grins. "I love you too," he says, breathing heavily, Matt's weight shifted in his arms so he can carry him down the hall to their bedroom. "Are you done for?"
"Entirely," Matt nods, his cheek resting on Chris's shoulder. "I don't think I've ever been so fucked."
Chris chuckles and hugs Matt even tighter, heading for their bed and stopping only when his shins hit the side. "I wish I could stay like this," he says with a smile. "Buried inside you."
"M'not telling you to pull out," Matt smiles against Chris's skin, "Lay on your back, I'll just sprawl over you."
That gets another chuckle and Chris turns, sitting down on the bed and stretching out on his back, careful to stay inside Matt and let his lover arrange himself as he finds comfortable.
"You're amazing," Matt sighs, wriggling until he's comfortable. "I love that we can be like this."
"Like what?" Chris asks, running his hands over Matt's back, caressing him.
Matt takes a moment to think before he replies, when he does, he lifts his head to press a kiss to the corner of Chris's mouth. "When we met, when we were first intimate your physicality was almost too much, I guess I felt intimidated by it in some way. As we've grown closer, and you've shown me how your size and strength is actually a huge plus when it comes to sex I've started to get more comfortable with it."
"I'm glad," Chris says, smiling at Matt, hands still roaming over the smooth warm skin, reveling in the heat beneath his palms, the feel of his lover, his soon-to-be husband. "When you first mentioned my size bothering you, I was worried you might not get used to it."
"I'm not sure I'm entirely used to it yet," Matt wrinkles his nose as he feels Chris's cum seeping out of him. "It's ego I think, Dylan was the same height as me and we were switches in bed when we met you were so much... larger than I was used to and you were very clear you only topped. Maybe I felt my masculinity was being threatened."
"And now? You don't feel that way anymore?" Chris asks. "Threatened, I mean."
"I don't think so," Matt offers a light shrug. "I'm still getting used to so much since you turned my life upside down," he leans in to press another kiss to Chris's mouth, he pulls back, the flesh of Chris's lip caught between his teeth for a moment before he lets go. "He made me a victim, and I spent nearly a year reacting to a situation that I had had no control over, it was a knock to my sense of self, my confidence, my ego. I can't be passive any longer, passivity is the antithesis of masculinity for me right now. For my masculinity," he sighs. "I don't even know if that makes sense to you."
"It does, but I've never seen you as passive," Chris says with a smile. "And I don't think true strength has anything to do with size."
"So speaks the man who was probably over six foot and ripped by the time he was fifteen?" Matt rolls his eyes. "This isn't rational Chris, this is male ego, Dylan wasn't an overly assertive man, so I tended to set the pace of our relationship so how I've been for the last few years wasn't me, it was... it was how I survived I think, and now I've decided to marry this big bossy Aussie bloke."
"I'm not bossy all the time," Chris protests but he's laughing. "I get it," he says, "but what do you need from me? How do you want things to be?"
"Just be mindful of that," Matt grins in response. "I know you've just spent seven years with a man who deferred to you, that isn't me, and I won't lie, I'm still a switch at heart..."
"I know," Chris assures him. "Which is why we've been making all our plans together - moving forward, the wedding - that's not going to change just because we get married or we do some kinky stuff in the bedroom. And it's also why I already said I'd try bottoming for you."
"And that, my Big Bossy Aussie is why I love you and why I'm marrying you," Matt winks then he slides up Chris's body until Chris's cock slides free. "Even if you do make us deliciously filthy."
"I'm always willing to clean you up," Chris says with mischievous gleam in his eye and a kiss to Matt's mouth.