Ladybug had recently decided that she was not paid enough to deal with this shit. In fact, she did not think she was ever paid enough to do any of the shit she had to deal with in her civilian life too. She made a quick mental note to see about raising commission prices, and then quickly had to yo-yo off the chimney she had been (rather precariously) balanced on when a beam of light broke it into a million small brick shards.
She landed on a larger roof, and was joined by Viperion and Ryuko. Chat Noir, Queen Bee, and Rena Rouge continued to taunt the akuma, a bus driver who had evidently gotten very annoyed with traffic this morning and now went by the name Red Light (Chat Noir had spent the first five minutes of their fight lamenting how Hawkmoth had no creativity and was running out of quality puns way too quickly. Queen Bee, after Chat Noir’s fifth traffic pun in a single sentence, had smacked him upside the head with her yo-yo and reasoned that first, he and Ladybug had been fighting Hawkmoth for more than three years now, and second, he had run out of good puns by the end of their first akuma and so really had no leg to stand on). Carapace hadn’t yet returned from making sure all the civilians had escaped their little battlefield, but Ladybug knew he’d be back soon. Nino was never one to miss the chance to pun with Adrien
“Have you figured out your lucky charm, Bug?” Ryuko asked. She nodded down to the bicycle wheel Ladybug had been holding for a few minutes now.
“No, but I’m really getting annoyed at this point, so I might just yeet it at him.”
Viperion snorted. Ryuko nodded solemnly, though her eyes glittered with humor.
“I like this plan,” she replied. “Simple. Stylish. Meme-worthy”
Carapace, Chat Noir, Queen Bee, and Rena Rouge landed on the roof at once.
“So, we’ve got about a minute, because Butterfly Bastard is being overdramatic and monologuing again,” Chat Noir announced. “We have a plan yet? The lucky charm working out?” All the superheroes glared at the red and black bicycle wheel as if it held all the answers (which, technically, it did, given that it was the literal inanimate personification of the goddess of luck and creation).
“Anyone object to a Formation G yeeting?” Ladybug looked around her group. After no objections, she continued. “Great. To quote our dear dragon here, simple, stylish, and meme-worthy. Let’s go make the internet proud.” All seven reached their fists in, quietly cheered “Team Miraculous”, and then split.
After the first two years of dealing with Hawkmoth, Ladybug and Chat Noir had learned that the Lucky Charm had two options: the recommended way and the other way. The recommended way was complicated, overdramatic, and safely effective. The other way usually involved property damage, head injuries, and on the odd day when Twitter became involved, some very disappointed Kwamis. Expanding Team Miraculous to a larger permanent roster led to the other way being used significantly more often. Explaining the recommended way would take too long, and if you hit someone on the head with invisibly small to absurdly large projectiles thrown with speed, they are always disoriented enough for seven superpowered caffeine-fueled spite-driven sleep-deprived over-scheduled high school seniors to take them down in seconds.
Ladybug and Carapace ran straight at Red Light, leaping off the roof and rolling into the ground before continuing their sprint. Ryuko and Queen Bee broke left as Chat Noir and Viperion went right. Rena Rouge waited a few seconds, and then used her Mirage. She threw the illusion at the akuma, and suddenly, Ladybug and Carapace were still running exactly the same as they had been. A quick check from Red Light showed that, indeed, all seven Miraculous wielders were doing the exact same thing as before the illusion had been cast.
That was when a bicycle wheel, thrown with enough force to achieve escape velocity, appeared from nowhere and hit him in the forehead.
The akuma fell over backwards, stars pulsing in his vision. Hawkmoth was desperately trying to communicate, but Red Light was so dazed and in pain that he couldn’t focus on anything except not blacking out immediately.
Ladybug landed her Carapace-assisted jump just as Chat Noir reached the garishly colored (I mean, come one, who would ever willingly wear traffic light colors? Ladybug thought to herself, pointedly choosing to ignore thinking about her boyfriend, because his brother chose those colors before he was even born so it didn’t really count) collapsed figure. He grabbed the ID badge pinned to the middle of the yellow section of his clothing and whispered “Cataclysm,” dissolving the little plastic rectangle into nothing.
Ladybug quickly purified the butterfly and threw the bicycle wheel into the air. Rena Rouge joined everyone on the street for the ceremonial fistbump. Six of them split off to go detransform in private and pretend they had simply hidden during the attack. Carapace stayed behind to talk to the bus driver and help get him to the police, if necessary. There had been a time when they had cycled through who had to deal with the cleanup, but the schedule was quickly dropped after everyone realized Carapace was by far the best people-person and the only one of them who would never outwardly show his annoyance with the press and the police.
Five minutes later, Chloe Bourgeois, Adrien Agreste, Nino Lahiffe, and Alya Cesaire walked back into school, having fled in fear when the akuma first started rampaging around the city. Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Kagami Tsurugi emerged from the bathrooms they had hidden in when the screams had started. Luka Couffaine got back on the motorcycle he had pulled into an alley to protect, and continued on his way to pick his sister up from school, which would be ending soon. He had made sure to take an indirect route that stopped by the Marinette’s parent’s bakery. He had promised Juleka and Rose croissants, and no akuma would ever stop him from keeping a promise, especially to his sister. Besides, he always had time.
No one suspected anything of them. They were just six high schoolers and one college student who, like everyone else in Paris, were reasonably scared of Hawkmoth and his akumas, and like everyone else in Paris, preferred to hide or run when Hawkmoth and his akumas struck. They were seven perfectly ordinary people with absolutely nothing to hide. Nothing at all...