Chapter One: Part One
Music is blaring as Jisung is shuffling through the crowd of people dancing and drinking, trying to get to the counter where the alcohol is. Ugh, he has an unbearable headache from all of these loud people in his house. At least, that’s what he assumes is causing it. Surely alcohol will help him loosen up more, it always does. Jisung pours himself a drink of strong whiskey before Chan comes up and wraps one of his arms around Jisung’s waist. Jisung smiles at the familiarity of Chan holding him.
“Already drinking, I see?” Chan asks, clearly already buzzed. His breath smells of the whiskey Jisung had just poured for himself.
“You know I need to have something in me before I can stand being at these things,” Jisung replies, taking his drink in full before slamming the cup back down onto the counter, “Damn that’s good.”
“You know we only keep the good shit here, Jisung,” Chan winks and Jisung knows what he’s actually implying by it. Chan rubs his hand up Jisung’s back, grazing over his taut muscles with his fingers as he speaks, “I just got some more if you wanna come try it. It always helps you loosen up, you know.”
Jisung shifts his eyes to look back at the party happening around them. Chan’s been wanting him to get more out of his shell and talk to people, but Jisung doesn’t do very well around so many people at once. Why does he even go to these parties…? Jisung is starting to think Chan just wants him to find a guy that interests him. He doesn’t see anyone that piques his interest, so he turns back to look at Chan, “Hmm, maybe I’ll just come watch…” Jisung answers, unsure of what Chan has bought from his dealer this time.
Chan smirks as he pours them both another drink before leading Jisung to his room at the end of the hallway. Chan throws these parties almost every weekend it seems like. Jisung is getting tired of always having to come, but he feels something in him that always says to go. He knows deep down it’s because of Chan, but he’ll never miss a chance at a good drink or high. Anything that’ll keep his intrusive thoughts away. Jisung tries to be cautious about the drugs he does take though, having seen first-hand what they can do to you.
Chan unlocks the door to his room, not daring to leave it unlocked and taking the chances of anyone stealing his stash or catching anyone in his own bed at one of his parties.
Chan goes over to his dresser, opening it and pulling out a small Ziploc bag. Jisung watches Chan pull out the plastic bag full of white powder as he goes to sit on Chan’s bed, it squeaking as he sits. He takes a few more drinks of his whiskey before setting his cup down and laying back on the bed to close his eyes for a moment.
Chan comes over to Jisung with the baggie in one hand and moving his other hand to Jisung’s knee, gentling rubbing it, “Hey, it’s only coke. I got it from the same guy as last time,” Chan reassures, thinking Jisung thinks it could be laced with something. He knows how cautious Jisung can be about the drugs they use. Chan starts moving his hand up Jisung’s thigh, “You feeling okay?”
“Mmm…” Jisung hums at Chan’s hand rubbing up against his thigh, opening his eyes to see Chan standing and looking down at him, “I’m good. I just hope this headache goes away soon, I’m sick of feeling like this.”
Jisung can feel his heartstrings tugging as he is looking up at Chan standing semi-between his legs. Why can’t Chan just be with him…?
Chan smiles, lifting his hand from Jisung’s thigh to his hand to pull him up, “Ah, come here, Sung.”
Jisung groans as he sits up, his eyes moving to the little bag Chan is holding, “You promise it’s the same as last time?”
Chan nods, “I promise,” he says, pulling up his nightstand to them before sitting next to Jisung on the bed. The bed makes a slight squeak as he sits, clearing the nightstand before pouring some of the cocaine down onto it. Chan pulls out a piece of paper and makes two little lines of it, one for him and one for Jisung. Chan’s been trying to keep to only one line whenever he does it. He loves the stuff, but he doesn’t want to get addicted.
“Can you get the straws?” Chan asks as he makes the lines for them.
Jisung complies and gets the pack of straws out from under Chan’s bed and pulls out two of them, putting Chan’s on the nightstand by the lines he cut.
Chan smirks widely as he picks up the straw, instantly going in and snorting up his line of cocaine. He inhales deeply afterward and lays back on the bed, “Fuck. He always gets us the good shit, I swear to god, Jisung.”
Jisung snorts his line right after Chan, wiping his nose once he’s completed it. He looks back at Chan laying down and after a few minutes, he begins to feel the effects of the drug taking over. Jisung can feel his headache fading away and a big smile spreads across Jisung’s face, “I always forget how good it feels until we do it again.”
Chan laughs, “We’ve only been doing it for like a month, Jisung,” he grabs ahold of his hand and pulls Jisung down to him.
Jisung’s heart feels like it’s going a mile a minute as he’s pulled onto Chan, “Hey, don’t start something you don’t want to finish…” He warns, his eyes turning sultry as he stares down at Chan’s incredibly handsome face. He lifts his hand to caress Chan’s soft cheek, their skin-to-skin contact feeling almost electric from the increased sensitivity due to the cocaine.
Chan breathes heavily with Jisung on top of him, feeling the effects of his touch immediately, “God, the things you do to me, Jisung,” he lets out in a more husky tone of voice. There’s always been something about Jisung that Chan just can’t seem to stay away from. He tries not to let it affect his relationship, but things have been getting complicated…
Jisung instantly connects their lips, this being a comfortable and common position for the two. Chan’s been seeing Felix for a few months, but Chan insists to Jisung it’s nothing serious.
Whenever Chan and Jisung drink or do drugs together, things always tend to end up like this. They’re all over each other. They don’t know why they always seem to come back to each other. Jisung can’t help his incredible sense of loneliness when he’s without Chan. Chan is Jisung’s only friend that seems to actually care about him. He’s the only one he’s been with in such an intimate way and it’s been like that ever since high school. Chan tries to get Jisung out of his shell and to try and meet new people, but Jisung never finds anyone interesting enough. Everyone he sees at these parties is always the same.
Jisung only feels a sense of wanting when he’s with Chan. Chan brings out the best in him, Jisung has wired himself to think. He’s the only person that’s ever stuck around him so long, after all. Chan has helped Jisung through a lot in his life, and continues to help him even now that they’re older.
Chan grabs the back of Jisung’s head, entangling his fingers within Jisung’s hair as their kisses turn into a rough make out session. Their tongues fighting for dominance until Chan ultimately takes over, flipping Jisung onto his back on the bed so now he’s the one hovering over him.
“Ch-Chan…” Jisung pants when their kiss breaks at the sudden switch of position.
“Is something wrong, Jisung?” Chan asks, genuinely caring about Jisung’s well-being. He doesn’t want to hurt him or do anything he doesn’t want to do.
“Ah… Nothing, I just… I love being with you,” Jisung’s heart is pounding as he stares up at the boy on top of him. Jisung’s revealed his feelings for Chan many many times over the course of knowing each other, and Chan insists he feels the same, but Jisung just can’t accept that he feels the same way for him. If Chan felt so similarly, why isn’t he with him instead of Felix?
“You know I love being with you too, Jisung,” Chan whispers to him, leaning back down to gently kiss all over Jisung’s neck, not leaving any marks on him. He brings his kisses up to eventually end on Jisung’s lips, going back to passionately kissing him. Chan’s heart jumps when he feels Jisung’s hips try to grind up onto his.
Jisung can’t control his body as he pulls Chan down further onto him, needing to feel his every touch. His body floods with tingles as he runs his hands up under Chan’s shirt, feeling his tight back muscles contracting against Jisung’s gentle touch. Their lips part to take heavy breaths, Jisung instantly nuzzling his face into Chan’s neck, sucking and nibbling all over it.
“Jisung, you can’t… Mmm,” Chan tries to tell Jisung, not wanting him to leave any marks on his skin, but he can’t help but let out a groan.
Jisung moves one of his hands up to hold the back of Chan’s head firmly, “Ah, why not? You used to love when I would mark you…” He says through panting breaths, pressing their foreheads together. Every touch sends sparks through Jisung, wanting more and more for Chan to touch him back the same way.
Chan puts his hands on either side of Jisung, holding himself up above him, “I-” Chan tries to start, but Jisung kisses him again. Chan feels a pang within him, knowing he can’t tell Jisung that him and Felix have started to get more serious about each other. Felix has asked Chan to try and stay away from Jisung, but he just can’t do it so easily. He has this feeling deep inside of him that yearns for Jisung.
They hear the door to Chan’s room start to squeak open, and Chan breaks their kiss, “Dammit, I forgot to lock the damn door behind us…” His words trail off as he turns to look at who came in, seeing that it’s Felix.
Felix’s eyes begin to well up with tears as he looks at the scene happening in front of him, “Chan, I-...” He barely gets out, his eyes unable to look away from Chan being on top of Jisung. They were clearly kissing before Felix entered.
“Baby, it’s not what it looks like,” Chan says, getting off from Jisung, hitting his leg against the nightstand as he gets up. He winces, holding back from cursing.
Jisung gently lifts his hand to Chan’s shoulder, “Are you-” Chan tugs his arm away from Jisung’s touch.
“Don’t.” He warns, clearly annoyed, as he stands up from the bed.
“You told me you would try to stay away from him!” Felix whines, seeing the nightstand where Chan hit his leg and the straws, “A-And you’re doing coke again?” Felix turns his head away from him and starts walking away. Chan had told Felix he was going to try and quit doing drugs, at least the hard stuff. Chan would try and tell Felix that cocaine wasn’t as hard as he thinks it is.
Chan sees Felix leave the room and he instantly goes after him, leaving Jisung on the bed alone.
Jisung watches as Chan leaves him, sitting up and staring down at the nightstand. Didn’t Chan tell him that he and Felix weren’t very serious…? Why did Felix react that way? Jisung sighs, knowing he would be upset if he ever caught him and Felix together like they just were. He’s not even in a relationship with him and he knows. Jisung slams his fist down onto the nightstand, “Fuck,” he curses.
Jisung can feel tears starting to come to the surface, but he tries his best to keep them down. He sees the baggie still on the nightstand with both of their straws and he rubs his head, wanting to do another line. Jisung feels his hand shaking as he picks up the baggie, pouring out a little hill of the white powder. He messily straightens it out into a line with the edge of the plastic bag before he snorts up the entire line. He feels an insane rush, feeling his sadness fading away and being replaced with enhanced happiness.
Chan is chasing after Felix, catching up to him and he grabs hold of his shoulder, spinning him around to look at him, “Felix… Please-”
Felix shifts his eyes away from his boyfriend staring at him, unable to look at him right now, “You told me that you would stop all this, Chan. How can I trust your word when I catch you blatantly going against it?” He asks, needing answers.
“I just got caught up in the moment… The-” Chan hesitates for a moment, but he knows Felix saw it on the nightstand, “The coke makes me do things I wouldn’t normally do… I’m sorry,” He tries to hold Felix’s cheek, wanting him to face him.
Felix’s eyes are filled with pain as he finally looks at Chan, seeing his completely dilated pupils, “That’s why you said you were trying to stop doing it,” He sighs, “Did Jisung make you do that with him?” Felix asks, wanting to know who was the one that initiated taking the drugs.
Chan feels conflicted as Felix asks him this, not knowing what Felix would do if he knew that it was Chan who initiated the entire thing. He doesn’t know what to say.
“You did it, didn’t you?” Felix asks, figuring it out from Chan’s silence. This fact hurts him deeply, gritting his teeth, “Why, Chan? We just decided to become more serious,” A tear streams down Felix’s cheek. It hurting him even deeper when he sees the reddish marks around Chan’s neck. Felix knows those marks weren’t from him.
“I’m sorry, Felix… I know you shouldn’t, but I’m begging you to forgive me,” Chan pleads, wiping Felix’s face before placing a soft kiss on his cheek.
Felix allows the kiss, it making him and his heart feel the most confusion he’s ever felt. What should he do?
“Will you please try to stay away from Jisung…?” Felix asks as he forces himself to look away from the hickies, the cheating hurting him more in the moment than the drugs. Felix knows Chan has been doing drugs for a while and will talk to him about that more later. He needs an answer on this Jisung situation right now. He wants Chan to be his and his only. That is what being in a relationship with someone is, after all.
Chan knows how Jisung gets when he’s alone and that worries him. He doesn't want to have to stop being around him. To be honest, he doesn’t know what Jisung would do without him and that scares him badly. It has been a while since his last breakdown, and he hasn’t had one coming to the parties Chan’s held this month. Maybe it’s time for Jisung to try and open up to others for once though, Chan thinks, wanting to justify what he’s about to agree to.
“I will try, Felix. I promise you,” Chan says, stroking Felix’s cheek, hoping his reply sounds as genuine as he means it to be.
Felix melts into Chan’s hands, his words making a smile spread across his face. It warms Felix’s heart to hear that Chan is willing to try and make things work between them, but he can’t get rid of the little part of him telling him how harmful their relationship is. Jisung always seems so clingy and needy to Chan, at least that’s how Felix has seen it.
“Thank you, my love…” Felix whispers to him before giving him a loving kiss on the lips. This is one of the reasons they thought they should make their relationship more exclusive. They were talking to each other one night and Felix had revealed how deeply he’s fallen for Chan. Chan reciprocated Felix’s feelings, having been afraid of them for a long time. Chan always worried about Jisung and that’s why he never told Felix about his true feelings first.
End of Chapter One: Part One
I wrote the entirety of chapter one and it turned out to be like 8,000 words... So I'm splitting it into parts ;) There will be three parts to chapter one!
I hope you enjoy my first Stray Kids fic!
This will be a bit more intense and hardcore compared to the other fics I've written on here so far!