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Spider-Man Unlimited: Draft Two

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FADE IN:

EXT. NEW YORK CITY - MORNING - WINTER

We start with the beautiful concrete and snow-covered New York City, slowly zooming in on one of the buildings, for SPIDER-MAN to land on it splashing the snow everywhere and jumping off the building - we follow.

As Spider-Man rapidly swings through the snowy skies he's muttering to himself, "No, no, no, no, no! Not today! Not today! I will not be late!" Spidey gets riskier with his web-swinging, sliding across the ice-covered concrete, narrowly misses a pedestrian who shakes his fist angrily at him. Spider-Man's Spider-Sense goes off as he lands on a wall - he looks into an alleyway to see a woman getting mugged by two THUGS, "Why today?" Spider-Man grunts, jumping into the alley!

SPIDER-MAN
Hey, I don't have much time so how
      'bout you two come quietly?                  

THUG #1
Spider-Man?!                                  

THUG #2
GET HIM!                                        

SPIDER-MAN
(Exasperated)
But, why, though?                          

Spider-Man dodges THUG #2's crowbar and webs it to the wall! He quips, "Seriously, I've fought GOBLIN!" Dodges an attack, "VENOM!" Dodges again, "CARNAGE!" Delivers a devastating kick, "And you punks think you can take me down?" After disposing the thugs he hands the purse back to the woman, "I know, you're welcome! But I gotta run!"

SMASH CUT:

 

INT. CHURCH

MARY JANE WATSON stands in a wedding gown at the altar waiting anxiously, quickly PETER PARKER in a suit, tucking his Spider-Man mask away into his suit pocket and visibly out of breath bursts into the room! Apologizing he down the aisle; we see many familiar faces in the seats, his AUNT MAY looks weary and turns to one of her friends.

AUNT MAY
I swear that boy is going to give me
a heart attack one of these days!     

Her friend pats May on the back.

Parker walks up to Mary Jane and whispers to her,

PETER PARKER
I am so, so sorry!                                

MARY JANE WATSON
I knew what I was getting into             
marrying you, tiger, but some warning
would be nice.                                     

Peter chuckles a little.

As the priest's speech continues we see JAMESON turn to his wife

J.J. JAMESON
(Whispering)
Parker's always been late, but to his    
own wedding?                                     

His wife hushes him, Jameson grumbles to himself a bit more, we turn to the Priest as he says.

PRIEST
Do you take this woman to be your      
lawfully wedded wife?                          

PETER PARKER
I do.                                                    

PRIEST
And do you take this man to be your   
lawfully wedded husband?                   

MARY JANE WATSON
I do.                                                    

PRIEST

You may kiss the bride.                       

WE ZOOM IN ON THEIR LIPS AS THEY KISS

MATCH FADE TO:

 

EXT. ROCKEFELLER CENTER - NIGHT - LIGHT SNOWFALL

As Peter and Mary Jane's lips separate we see that they're ice-skating, we see everyone from the wedding skate around them. GWEN STACY, J. JONAH JAMESON being assisted by his son JOHN JAMESON, HARRY OSBORN, BETTY BRANT, and many other familiar faces enjoying themselves at the wedding.

Peter embraces M.J. closely, however, something catches his eye behind her.

ZOOM IN

We see a red-haired man staring straight at Peter, wearing a black trench-coat and white t-shirt. We recognize him as EDDIE BROCK!

PETER PARKER
Eddie...                                             

MARY JANE WATSON
What?                                               

PETER PARKER
He's here.                                         

M.J. turns to see him! Eddie makes a gesture with his hand, he wants Peter to come up.

PETER PARKER (cont'd)
S-Sorry, I gotta--                           

Mary Jane hushes him.

MARY JANE WATSON
Just hurry back soon, tiger, I don't 
want our bed to be cold tonight!    

Peter blushes at the remark and skates away.

WIPE TO:

 

EXT. ROOFTOP - LIGHT SNOWFALL

Spider-Man climbed to the top of the building! We see in the background the ICE RINK, the light is bouncing BRILLIANTLY OFF IT, the light COVERS SPIDER-MAN, as Eddie is shrouded in darkness.


BEGIN FLASHBACK

INT. DAILY BUGLE

Inside is an incredibly busy work environment, people are hastily writing papers! Typing sounds are prominent! Peter and Eddie in front of Jameson are clearly fighting!

PETER PARKER (V.O.)

Years ago now, back when I was at the
Bugle, Eddie showed up to take           
pictures of Spider-Man. Competing     
against me and forging photos.           

The argument escalates out of control! Peter SLAMS Eddie into a FRAMED PICTURE, CRACKING IT! Security pulls Peter off him.

PETER PARKER (V.O.) (cont'd)
At the time I was using this thing       
called a Symbiote.                              

CUT TO:


EXT. NEW YORK CITY - SUMMER DAY

Spider-Man is donned in his BLACK SUIT, swinging across New York without a care in the world!

PETER PARKER (V.O.)
I couldn't see it at the time but it       
was changing me.                             

CUT TO:


EXT. NIGHT

Spider-Man is SEVERELY BEATING a MUGGER! The other mugger is crying! Trying to pull him OFF! Spidey turns around, and sees the FEAR in the other's eyes, his dark silhouette reflected in them.

PETER PARKER (V.O.)
I had to get rid of it.                           

SWIPE TO:


EXT. CHURCH - NIGHT

Spider-Man is BANGING the CHURCH BELL! The Symbiote's disgustingly contorting around Peter! Desperate to STAY ATTACHED

PETER PARKER (V.O.)
But when I did...                                 

PAN DOWN

The symbiote drips down into the Church, where Eddie is STANDING! The creature wraps violently around him.

PETER PARKER (V.O.) (cont'd)
...It came at a cost.                            

VENOM'S FACE becomes clear and he ROARS TRIUMPHANTLY!


FLASHBACK END

BACK TO:


EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT - LIGHT SNOWFALL

SPIDER-MAN
What do you want, Venom?               

EDDIE BROCK
(Amused)
No need for such hostility, Parker,     
We just want a little favor from you.  

SPIDER-MAN
What kind of favor?                           

EDDIE BROCK
You see...                                         

Eddie hesitates, he's NERVOUS

EDDIE BROCK (cont'd)
Its Carnage.                                   

Peter's eyes WIDEN, quickly he composes himself.

SPIDER-MAN
So... what's he doing?                      

As the CAMERA SHIFTS, the ICE RINK'S REFLECTION moves CLOSER to Eddie.

EDDIE BROCK
He was approached by these insane     
symbiotes from another world, they     
want to invade our dimension and rule
it with chaos.                                       

Beat.

SPIDER-MAN
Okay... that is a lot to process...          
But I don't understand, why would you
want to stop this?                               

Eddie looks HURT by Peter's remark.

EDDIE BROCK
(Calmly)
We have friends, family, they'll take   
over and hurt anyone when it suits    
them. We can't let that happen.         

Eddie's face looks calm, yet his eyes are FURROWED! His FISTS are CLENCHED. He's serious.

SPIDER-MAN
(Understanding)
Alright, how did you learn about      
this?                                                 

EDDIE BROCK
Carnage tried to convince us to help
him. So, we "agreed" to help. We just
need you to jump in at the signal.     

SPIDER-MAN
What signal?                                     

EDDIE BROCK
You'll know, stay close to Central Park
and be ready.                                     

Eddie JUMPS OFF THE ROOF, leaving PETER ALONE in the LIGHT.

WIPE TO:


EXT. ROCKEFELLER CENTER - LIGHT SNOW

Mary Jane is skating ALONE, skating in any random direction. Eventually Harry Osborn comes by her side.

HARRY OSBORN
Hey, where's Peter?                             

MARY JANE WATSON
(Nervous)
Oh, well, you know - he wanted to get
us some hot chocolate?                       

HARRY OSBORN
On you twos wedding day? They're      
selling it, like, in Central Park I think? 
That's several blocks away!                 

MARY JANE WATSON
Well, you know how he loves his        
cocoa!                                               

HARRY OSBORN
(Disgruntled)
I guess... still! I would've gotten it for
you two if you just asked. He            
shouldn't have done that.                  

MARY JANE WATSON
No I... I guess he shouldn't have.      

M.J. turns away from Harry, it clearly hurt to say those words about Peter.

WIPE TO:


EXT. CENTRAL PARK - SOMETIME LATER - MEDIUM SNOWFALL

Spider-Man is PERCHED on a ROOFTOP near CENTRAL PARK - SHIVERING.

SPIDER-MAN
Jeez, Eddie, couldn't have left me a  
stakeout blanket could ya?               

He begins rubbing his hands together,

SPIDER-MAN  (cont'd)
Plenty of time to be cryptic. I'd         
swing around but I don't wanna miss
the signal.                                        

Suddenly a crack in the sky starts to emit from Central Park! We SMASH CUT AROUND THE CITY! THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ARE STARING AT THE LIGHT PIERCING THE SKY!

SPIDER-MAN  (cont'd)
(Annoyed)
...Oh... he meant I literally            
couldn't miss it.                            

Spidey LEAPS OFF the BUILDING! Swinging through Central Park - he passes by a hot chocolate vendor, the owner's staring at the light! Mouth agape!

Until finally.

Peter arrives at the scene and jumps into the snow which has begun to pile up. He examines the machine causing the disturbance in the sky. It's a LARGE HEAVY looking CAPSULE! The computers look ALIEN and COMPLICATED. Suddenly our hero's smacked in the chest by a JET-BLACK fist and LAUNCHED into the TIGHT GRIP of the dastardly CARNAGE. "Hope you didn't get about us Spider-Man" the voice that launched Spidey says, out from the shadows steps out Venom.

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.)
(Pained)
Couldn't you have been a bit softer?  

SPIDER-MAN
(Surprise)
Eddie? I thought you didn't work with
psychopaths!                                     

VENOM
He made an offer we couldn't refuse!

CARNAGE
That's right, Spider-Man, soon, WE'LL
RULE THIS DIMENSION!                      

SPIDER-MAN
Dimension? What are you talking       
about?                                               

CARNAGE
The SYMBIOTE COLLECTIVE trusted    
us to bring them here! They've          
conquered many dimensions - and   
we're NEXT!                                       

Venom APPROACHES SPIDER-MAN in CARNAGE'S GRASP. VERY CLOSE.

VENOM
Yes, we'll rule, and nothing will        
stop us.                                           

A beat passes, and VENOM PUNCHES CARNAGE INTO A TREE! FREEING SPIDER-MAN!

VENOM  (cont'd)
Get to the machine, we'll distract Carnage.

Venom LEAPS AT CARNAGE! We see first-hand the power the two hold. When their punches miss they knock down TREES! Carnage's constructs TEAR at Venom's symbiotic flesh! Carnage sneers, "You betray the Synoptic?" as the monsters fight!

Spider-Man in the chaos reached the console, he utters confusion at the console - pulling down a panel reveals a keyboard. His Spider-Sense activates, though, it was too late - the keyboard SHOCKS HIM! While dazed, CARNAGE PULLS SPIDER-MAN BACK INTO THE ACTION!

CARNAGE
You can't stop it! NOTHING CAN!       

Spider-Man is doing everything to get to the machine and turn it off, but Carnage is PUMMELING HIM. Venom and Spider-Man can barely stop his ONSLAUGHT, as the battle continues a round portal around the machine becomes more and more visible and symbiotes start slither out and through the snow one at a time.

Heavily breathing, Spider-Suit in tatters, Spider-Man charges through Carnage launching him into the portal along with him - Venom roars, "NO!" behind him, webbing after them.


INSIDE THE SWIRLING DIMENSIONAL VORTEX:

Spider-Man's Spider-Sense leads him to the generator's location, yet he has to run a gauntlet of hundreds of snarling, gnashing and slashing symbiotes to reach it. The generator is surrounded by dozens of cortices through which we catch glimpses of many alternate realities. In some worlds the symbiotes reign. in others, Spider-Man strains to reach the vortex and is taken down by the symbiotes. In yet another, a crying, mask-less Peter Parker cradles Mary Jane in his arms, and so on.

Near defeat, about to be dragged down by his foes' overwhelming wight of numbers, Spider-Man makes a desperate lunge for the generator, he shoves his FIST in to the CONSOLE - DESTROYING IT! There is a tremendous explosion! Its concussion sends Spidey through one of the rapidly closing portals to another world.

BACK IN OUR WORLD

With a crash of thunder, the vortex closes behind Spidey and the symbiotes. We see through a helicopter a reporter covering the scene from the skies!

MATCH ZOOM OUT

We see the program on television, and a horrified M.J. watching it outside.

WITH SPIDER-MAN AS HE HURTLES THROUGH INTER-DIMENSION

SPACE: shooting through a swirling tube of light and symbiote/Dikto design elements with differing realities blurring and bending around him. Spidey fears that he'll be lost in this madness forever.

Then his trusty Spider-Sense goes off. There's a gap in the tube's wall. Spidey takes a chance, shoots a web through the hole and swings into it.


ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PORTAL:

We see a swirling, lightning-rimmed pit of darkness suspended in a wintry night sky. Spider-Man's web shoots from the hole, seeming to hook onto its lip. A split second later, Spidey shoots from the aperture. Backlift effects trail from his body as he arcs through the air, out of control. We follow him as he smashes through barren-limbed trees and slams to a stop on the snow-covered ground of this world's Central Park.

Lying in the snow, straining for breath, his costume in tatters, his body covered with abrasions, Spider-Man gasps, "Mary Jane... no matter what... I swear I'll find a way to get back to you."

OVERHEAD - The portal abruptly closes with a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder.

ON THE GROUND - Spider-Man rises wearily to his feet, stumbles and catches his balance against a tree. Leaning against it, Spidey surveys the scene before him.

The view initially seems to be of "our" Manhattan as seen from Central Park. There are luxury condos close to the park. Behind them there is a familiar version of the skyline with many recognizable buildings. Spidey thinks out loud, "This is just like Manhattan! Did I wind up back home after all?" Then a few unfamiliar-looking megaliths pan into view, "Well... maybe I was just lucky enough to not spot those on my field trips?"

Hearing the wail of distant sirens, Spider-Man spins around and takes in the shock.

SPIDER-MAN
Then again...                              

SPIDER-MAN'S POV - IN THE MIDDLE OF CENTRAL PARK:

Poking up through the snow are the tops of literally hundreds of military style tombstones arrange in rings around the base of a slightly listing skyscraper-sized object.

THE CAMERA WIDENS AND PANS UP - Revealing the object to be a WWII era battleship with its prow jammed deep into the ground. Withered ivy clings to the first two hundred or so feet of its fifteen hundred-foot length.

The sky around it is suddenly filled with the lights of fast-approaching flying vehicles. As they speed closer, we see they are motorcycle-like devices piloted by MACHINE MEN. In unison, the androids flip on powerful searchlights and begin scouring the ground below them.

BACK ON SPIDER-MAN - Caught in intersecting beams of light, our hero stands out from the snow. He freezes for a second. A Machine Man hails him through a tin loudspeaker, "Stand firm, anomaly. To ascertain the nature of the recent dimensional disturbance in this location we will perform a mind scan upon you. Your cooperation is mandatory."

Spidey thinks that a mind scan might not be the best thing for him right now, and declines it by shooting a web at the nearby condos. He races up the strand on all fours like a giant spider. Reaching a rooftop he fires his web again, beginning an elaborate chase sequence as the Machine Men pursue Spidey through the city.

And what a city it is! Though on the whole it's a lot like New York, it has the neon, the street vendors, and the densely packed sidewalks of an Asian metropolis like Tokyo or Hong Kong, plus there's the added confusion of flying cars and giant holographic displays which float in mid-air.

The early part of the chase takes us through the higher strata of the metropolis. Up at this level we see that the towering buildings have a lot of organic motif decorations, and many human-animal hybrid sculptures.

There're action gags utilizing the holographic billboards (Spidey tries landing on one and falls through it, then turns the situation to his advantage by making a web net behind the projection. Not seeing the web, a Machine Man slams his flying bike into it.), and flying cards (Spidey clings to the underside of one, unseen by his pursuers, then fires a web line and starts to swing away, only to have his web snapped by another flying vehicle.) - and so on.

In an effort to lose his airborne enemies, Spidey starts swinging close to the ground. here we begin to see what the inhabitants of this dimension look like. Everyone on the street has some kind of animalistic trait. For some it's subtle - a feline eye, an ear evocative of a dog, or a slightly inhuman tooth placement, while for others the hybridization is vastly more apparent - literal elephant men with long, prominent tusks jutting from their lower jaws, wolf-like people with tufted fur on their faces, or others with downy feathers where hair would be on a normal human.

Realizing that his costume makes it impossible to lose himself in the crowd Spidey swings into an alleyway.

He loses the closely trailing Machine Men by diving into a dumpster and hiding inside as his pursuers fly past. Close to gagging, he cautiously gets out of the dumpster, looks around, and reaches back in and comes up with a large, bulky and extremely stinky overcoat - "Ughhh! This has to be the worst thing I've ever smelt. Did FLASH have a premonition of me in this thing or something? It'd explain a few things."

Pulling on the coat and off his mask, Spidey becomes Peter Parker and into a crowd, all whom shy away. Peter reacts, "It's the coat, alright?"

One of the crowd, an extremely large man with notable Rhino attributes steps forward with menacing purpose. "It ain't the coat, moron. Ya' really don't know any better than to come uptown at this hour? I think it's about time you SAPS were taught a lesson!"

Before the Rhino guy can exercise his hostile intent, the Machine Men drop into the scene, Peter tries to take advantage of this by sneaking by the Rhino guy and into the crowd, predictably, the crowd in disgust all back away from Peter - letting him get surrounded by the Machine Men.

He's forces to use his webbing to get away. "Man, what a disguise - somehow I think it's more obvious than my spidey-suit. Hope those tin-cans can't smell!"

Swinging ever higher with the Machine Men in pursuit, Peter's close to losing them, when his web-shooters run out of fluid. He plummets like a rock toward the distant pavement below.

Regaining his composure, Peter tries slowing his fall by angling his flight. He glances off a flying car, redirects his momentum, and through a series of jumps and handsprings - beings caroming from one vehicle to the next, until finally comes to rest in the passenger seat of a flying cab. The cab's driver has horns and is non-plussed. "Where to?"

Peter's slightly flustered, then gets an idea, "Uh, Forest Hills."

"Anything you say, pal." He adjusts the cab's side mirror, "I'd recommend riding low in the seat 'til we're past those cops, though. (Sniffs) Oh, yeh, when you get home, ya might wanna take a bath, too."

Easing past the still searching Machine Men, the cab drifts to the lower levels of the city and into a slummy looking area. Here the population is distinctly human with no animal traits. These people are considerably poorer looking than the animalistic uptown crowd we saw earlier.

Peter leans towards the driver, "I'm afraid I can't pay for your help. I- er - lost my wallet."

The driver looks saddened, "Sorry 'bout that, just so ya know not all of us hate you saps. I'm just glad to help anyone get away from those tin tyrants. I swear they'll arrest ya for a loose shoelace! Well, we're here. Welcome to Forest Hills."


EXT. SLUM AREA STREET

This is the worst looking, toughest slum ever seen by man. Now and then burning gasses jet up from the pavement. Buildings are burned out and abandoned. Factories butt up against huge, defunct government housing projects. The cab flies into the scene and settles on the pavement. The driver expresses his concern for Peter's well being. "This burg's a tough place. Hope you've got a friend here." The cab slows to a stop and Peter exits. "So do I."

The cab flies off, leaving Peter very alone in a strange and hostile environment.

ON A SLIGHTLY ALIEN LOOKING PHONE KIOSK

Peter into scene, entering the alien looking kiosk with graffiti on it (one says "trust no one" another says "we've fought your wars" "kill Osborn" and so on) hefting up the phonebook dangling beneath it. He opens the book and guides his finger to a familiar name: Peter Parker. With a sigh he starts out for the listed address. "I figure if there's anyone I can trust in this wacked-out world - it's gotta be me."

WIPE TO:


A CRAMPED-LOOKING, INCREDIBLY RUNDOWN APARTMENT BUILDING:

The building is six stories tall with a partially visible half basement. Its floors are about 25' long by 20' wide, not including the sagging exterior stairwells and landings that lead to each apartment's front door. Laundry hangs from a few of the landings. Patches of stucco have fallen off here and there, leaving lathe and chicken wire exposed. Completing the picture, a burned out car sits in front of the apartment building half in the street, half on the sidewalk.

Peter Parker walks to the building. "Boy, I just hope the me of my world didn't make M.J. stay here." As he passed the burned out car, its broken side mirror falls off. "How idyllic."

Out Peter begins climbing the stairs to the Sixth Floor apartment of this dimension's Peter Parker. As he climbs we get brief reactions from the building's other tenants:

Peering through a slit in the half basement's drapes a pair of unnaturally green eyes narrows: "Parker's back. Better get my gear ready, just in case."

On the First Floor, Peter passes by a door when his Spider-Sense activates, jumping past the door, a short, heavy-set man with a baseball bat missed Parker and hits a window, "Scared, Parker? But I haven't paid you back yet!" We hear a woman's voice: "Please stop!" and a woman shoves him back into their room, "Don't you remember what happened last time?" The door slams shut.

Second Floor: Two very muscular women with animalistic hairstyles sit on a sofa watching TV. Their apartment has no drapes, so they clearly see Peter as he passes by. "Look, the jerk's back." "I know, his stench is hard to forget."

Third Floor: An elderly woman with a book in hand peaks out through frilly drapes. "Oh, dear." She's joined by an elderly man (who also carries an open book) with a slightly British accent, "Yes, it would appear that our doorstep has once more been darkened by the personification of tribulation."

Fourth Floor: We can't tell just how many people are occupying this apartment, but judging from the number of eyes peering out from the cracked drape, it's a bunch. It sounds like a stampede when they scatter as Peter passes.

Fifth Floor: Peter stumbles on a dish of cat food left on the landing. From inside the apartment we hear dozens of cats hissing and yowling, then a woman's whispered voice: "Quiet babies, Mommy will protect you from the bad man."

Finally, Peter reaches the Sixth Floor Landing. "Jeez, what exactly did he do to tick everyone off...?"

Reaching the apartment's door, Peter finds a tattered eviction notice taped to it. "Hope the one with the bat wasn't my landlord."

He tries knocking -- there's no response, apart from a couple of roaches scurrying from under the door. Peter sighs, "Just as Aunt May would've wanted."

Peter reaches to where a doorknob should be; only there isn't one! In fact there's no keyhole either. It seems there's no way in! This is too much for Peter. His precarious situation finally gets to him. He sags wearily, "...I don't even know how to open a simple door in this world. How can I survive, let alone find a way home? ...On my wedding day of course..."

Peter's head droops down until it lightly rests against the door. He raises his hands and puts his palms flat against its surface, then begins to slowly slide down into a crouching position. As Peter's hands hit the mid-way point on the door, a pulse of light from around its perimeter activates and the door swings open, sending Peter sprawling into the darkened apartment.


INT. PETER'S APARTMENT

It's pitch dark inside, save for a faint rectangle of light from the open door.

As Peter rises to his feet, the door automatically closes, shutting off even that bit of luminescence. "Ugh! What's wrong with this carpet?! I could use some light in here."

A basketball-sized sphere of light faces up in front of Peter's face. At its core we see a small3D projection of a cutesy anime style girl wearing a heavily stylized French Maid getup. The hologram's emitting a red glow, and, she has cat ears and a cat tail very much like the general population of this world.

She immediately begins to scold Peter:

HOLOGRAM GIRL
It's not my fault the place is                   
falling apart! You ordered me to cut      
back to memory maintenance only while
you were gone, and you've been gone    
SIX MONTHS! Where have you been, you 
smell disgusting - drinking skooze I       
bet! They're going to cut off out power   
tomorrow, and if they do that,                
my programming will be lost for good!   

Peter raises his hands in protest,

PETER PARKER

Hold it! ...Who or what are you?             

Sounding very Barbara Eden-ish the projection folds its arms and looks away from Peter.

HOLOGRAM GIRL
Oh, Parker! Such a jokester as                
always!                                                  

The girl lets out an incredibly forced laugh!

HOLOGRAM GIRL (cont'd)
(Deadpan)
Did I mention that we're going to           
lose power tomorrow, and that outage   
will result in the erasure of my               
data?                                                      

Peter gives a weary smile.

PETER PARKER
I believe you might have mentioned it   
before, but, honestly I have no idea       
who you are.                                         

Her eyes go white with shock, she then pops into a new outfit - now she's a nurse!

HOLOGRAM GIRL
Parker, have you suffered any blows    
to the head recently?                           

Peter nods,

PETER PARKER
Something like that. I'm gonna need a
lot of your help to get by... at             
least until I find myself.                      

HOLOGRAM GIRL
You can count on me, boss! I guess I     
should introduce myself! I am KAI,         
your Kinetic Actuator Interface. You       
spent months and months programming
me to get me just right.                          

PETER PARKER
Really? Why?                                     

KAI
I'd love to tell you in extended        
detail, boss, buuuut.                        

KAI projects a clock above her head, it reads 11:45

KAI (cont'd)
It's almost midnight! And when they    
cut the power my programming will be
lost forever! ...In case your head is      
too damaged the simple version is      
it'll kill me.                                          

PETER PARKER
I wish I could help, I really do. But        
what can I do? I'm broke.                     

Exaggerated confusion falls on KAI's face - with a visible question mark to go with it!

KAI
Broke? Parker, you're never broke!        

KAI's getup suddenly pops from the maid's outfit to a turn of the century accountant costume (reading glasses included).

KAI (cont'd)
Get some of your electronic cash         
cards out of your stash in your            
secret closet and let me pay our          
bills!                                                    

Peter starts walking to the corner of the room,

PETER PARKER
Nothing good ever comes out of a        
"secret closet."                                     

Peter peers his eyes and finds himself in front of a blank wall.

PETER PARKER (cont'd)
Uh, I hate to ask this ...But where         
is this "secret closet?"                           

KAI
(Bewildered)
Wow, you really aren't joking.              

KAI leads Peter to a specific spot. When he places his hand on the seemingly solid wall it melts away. KAI reacts to Peter's shock.

KAI (cont'd)
The latest in nano-technology,            
Parker, well at least six months ago     
it was - you built it yourself.                

Inside the closet revealed by the melting wall sit two large metal cases. Peter places the flat of his hand on top of the left one. Its lid melts away, revealing it's filling with hundreds of credit card-like bits of plastic, picking one up he asks,

PETER PARKER
How much are these things worth?      

KAI pushes up her reading glasses,

KAI
Hold on while I interface with the         
net... At New York Exchange rates as   
of 5PM EST... Each of those cards is     
worth $10,001.63                               

Peter's jaw drops.

PETER PARKER
Why would anyone with so much cash 
live in this dump?                                

KAI pops into a glamorous evening gown.

KAI
That's what I've been telling you,         
Parker - despite being a sap, a            
person of your talent could move         
uptown!                                               

KAI prattles on as Peter touches the lid of the second trunk. It melts away; revealing a pile of exotic looking weapons with a small envelope attached to the barrel of the uppermost rifle. Peter whispers to himself, "What have I gotten myself into?"

He picks up the envelope gingerly. On its front, written in ornate script is "TO YOU"

He opens the envelope and pulls out a short note. The first few words are in the same ornate style as the lettering on the envelope. The quality of the lettering deteriorates as it goes along, becoming a messy, childish scrawl by the note's end. The note reads:

"If a Peter Parker other than myself
is reading this, I apologize for any
inconvenience which I have likely
caused you
and
am
likely to cause
you
in the future."

Peter sighs, "Great."

KAI nags,

KAI (cont'd)
Not to nag, Parker, but could you  
hustle about three of those cash   
cards over to the interface here?   
We've gotta pay some bills, or       
they're going to shut off the power
tomorrow and I know I've said it,   
and, I really don't want my data to 
be-                                                
PETER PARKER
Well, we can't have that, can we?  

Peter puts four of the cards into the slot KAI indicated. She noticeably brightens as she checks off the actions triggered by the deposit:

KAI
Utilities and 100% late fee paid.         

The lights inside the apartment come on for the first time, revealing a spilled stick substance on the carpet in front of the door.

KAI (cont'd)
Utilities include water, boss! Rent      
and penalty fees paid. Insurance fees
paid. Carrier expresses wish to drop  
your policies. Entertainment tax and  
usage fees paid. Additional penalties 
paid...                                                

The list goes on.

Peter slouches onto the couch, and almost instantly falls asleep.

KAI finishes paying the bills.

KAI (cont'd)
All transactions complete. Account   
balance $253.84. You might want to 
make another deposit...                    

She turns and sees the conked out Peter snoozing on the couch.

KAI (cont'd)
Oops, he does get tired. Lights dim   
to sleep mode.                                  

On her command the lights (including herself) dim to a faint glow.

KAI pops from an accountant mode into sleep mode. She wears a long flannel nightgown with a stocking cap and lies down in mid-air, sleeping over Peter's head.

KAI (cont'd)
(Sleepy)
It's good to have you home, boss.

As she "sleeps" a large anime-esq snot bubble comes from her nose.

FADE OUT: