Work Header

this is not going 2 end well

Chapter Text



NerdPower has created a chat

NerdPower has added Drama Queen, DoItMyWay, Seductress, Pantastic, LeaveMeAlone, Sci-Fi Freak and TemperOfAWolf to the chat

NerdPower has renamed the chat ‘im bored’

Drama Queen: rly mg?

Pantastic: y just y

LeaveMeAlone: i get making a gc but y add me?

NerdPower: cuz ur part of the group

LeaveMeAlone: who decided that?

DoItMyWay: u know u dont get a choice in the matter rite?

TemperOfAWolf: did u rly make a gc cuz ur bored?

NerdPower: kinda ya

Seductress: with these losers? i thought u had better taste

Sci-Fi Freak: hey!

Drama Queen: like i want 2 be stuck with u

Pantastic: how bout u 2 jst calm down

LeaveMeAlone: this is already a nightmare

Sci-Fi Freak: what do we do here anyway?

NerdPower: idk

NerdPower: nerd out talk abt how life sucks

NerdPower: u know normal teenage stuff

TemperOfAWolf: thats it?

Drama Queen: how do i leave?

Seductress: please do

Drama Queen: or maybe ill stay jst 2 annoy u

DoItMyWay: chick fite!

Pantastic: those 2 r always fighting

TemperOfAWolf: this is not going 2 end well

LeaveMeAlone: u can say that again



NerdPower: guuuys

NerdPower: we have 2 go 2 school tmw

Pantastic: i thought u liked school?

NerdPower: i do but the kids r mean

Sci-Fi Freak: amen!

LeaveMeAlone: i just ignore them

DoItMyWay: who cares what they think

Seductress: ive never had that problm but ily mg so i can sympathise

Drama Queen: ikr sometimes it feels like the hole worlds out 2 get me

Sci-Fi Freak: can relate

DoItMyWay: overdramatic much?

LeaveMeAlone: the world is pretty harsh

Seductress: whats this? Hope mikaelson relating 2 the rest of us? *sarcastic gasp*

LeaveMeAlone: oh shut up


TemperOfAWolf: wait! dont we have a test tmw?

DoItMyWay: oh shit!!

Sci-Fi Freak: fuuuuck

TemperOfAWolf: were doomed!

Pantastic: did u 3 forget?

Drama Queen: again? lmao

Seductress: sucks 2 b u

TemperOfAWolf: fuck! fuck! fuck!

LeaveMeAlone: u guys better go study asap

Sci-Fi Freak: yep we shoulf!

Sci-Fi Freak: bye!

DoItMyWay: peace out

TemperOfAWolf: later

Drama Queen: boys smh

Pantastic: there so irresponsible

LeaveMeAlone: u got that rite

Seductress: wait… isnt the test next week??


Pantastic: jfc

Drama Queen: oops

LeaveMeAlone: should we tell them?

Drama Queen: no way! thisll be hilarious! 

Seductress: for once i agree with saltzman

Seductress: itll be funny!

Pantastic: u 2 r horrible people

LeaveMeAlone: well theres nothing we can do about it now



Sci-Fi Freak: ok! im done!



TemperOfAWolf: that was harsh

Sci-Fi Freak: ikr its like the teachers r trying 2 kill us




DoItMyWay: i hate math



Pantastic: dont we all?

Drama Queen: sleep now!

Pantastic: yea yea



LeaveMeAlone: what were u guys doing up a 1 in the morning?

DoItMyWay: finishing hm

NerdPower: that took u awhile

DoItMyWay: look man math is not my strong suit

LeaveMeAlone: is maths any1s strong suit?

Pantastic: if it is i want there number

DoItMyWay: saame

LeaveMeAlone: imma hop in the shower c u at school

NerdPower: cya



Drama Queen: y must the school make us get up at such an ungodly hour?

DoItMyWay: cuz there sadists who like 2 watch us suffer

Pantastic: honestly yea



Seductress: im getting coffee at the grill u guys want anything?

Drama Queen: cinnamon-spiced latte

LeaveMeAlone: black coffee

Pantastic: peppermint tea please

LeaveMeAlone: the boys say they dont want anything

LeaveMeAlone: there just 2 lazy 2 pick up there phones

Seductress: lol k b there soon



Sci-Fi Freak: wtf!! theres no maths test!!



TemperOfAWolf: WHAT!!!



Drama Queen: lmao!!

Drama Queen: told u guys itd be hilarious!

Sci-Fi Freak: U KNEW

LeaveMeAlone: yea we figured out the test wasnt til next week

TemperOfAWolf: i hate all of u

DoItMyWay: u mean I stayed up late studying for nothin?

Pantastic: at least ull be ready for next week??



Seductress: damn it! i missed the show!!



Sci-Fi Freak: i hate my life

Chapter Text



group chat ‘im bored’

NerdPower: guys



NerdPower: guuuuys



Seductress: y r u texting in class?

Seductress: dont u have a moral code or some shit

NerdPower: yea but the teacher is just rambling cuz some kid came in late so im bored!!!

Seductress: ur always bored

NerdPower: tru

Drama queen has renamed the chat ‘SHUT UP’

Seductress: really?

Drama Queen: some of us r trying 2 pay attenton

NerdPower: sry liz

Seductress: im not

Drama Queen: if ur gonna b annoying dont do it in the gc

Seductress: whatever



NerdPower: this woman is still yappin



DoItMyWay: yooooo

LeaveMeAlone: what?


Sci-Fi Freak: u make no sense 

DoItMyWay: im not supposed 2

Pantastic: moving on

Pantastic: i think lizzies having an episode…

LeaveMeAlone: is she ok?

Pantastic: if u call pacing the room while planning ways 2 kill a person out loud ok…

Pantastic: then yea shes fine

DoItMyWay: im sorry wat

Pantastic: her and penny had another fite when she cam over for hm

Sci-Fi Freak: well in that case id be concerned if she wasnt pacing and shit

LeaveMeAlone: honestly ur rite

DoItMyWay: wait! Penelope was over at ur place ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Pantastic: shut up! Were just friends!

DoItMyWay: aha

DoItMyWay: and hope and lizzie arent sleeping together

LeaveMeAlone: wait! People think we’re having sex!!

Sci-Fi Freak: u arent??

LeaveMeAlone: NO

Sci-Fi Freak:


DoItMyWay: awkward

LeaveMeAlone: i hate u guys 



TemperOfAWolf: lan u left ur bag at my place



Sci-Fi Freak: could u bring it 2 school tmw

TemperOfAWolf: np

Drama Queen: u kno private messaging is a thing

TemperOfAWolf: then i wouldnt get 2 annoy u liz

Drama Queen: urg

Drama Queen: y did i ever like u

TemperOfAWolf: cuz im so likeable

Sci-Fi Freak: ur really not

TemperOfAWolf: i thought u were on my side bro!

Sci-Fi Freak: I am but ur still annoying as fuck

Drama Queen: even the thrift store hobbit thinks ur annoying

DoItMyWay: would yall shut up

DoItMyWay: im with my family and they keep complaining bout my phone blowin up

Drama Queen: whatever i have better things 2 do

Sci-Fi Freak: sry

TemperOfAWolf: just turn ur phone off

DoItMyWay: or u could shut up 

DoItMyWay: then i wouldnt need 2

TemperOfAWolf: ok im going




Seductress: any1 up?



Seductress: mg



Seductress: jojo?

Drama Queen: would u go 2 sleep?

Seductress: oh its just u

Drama Queen: look satan if u just shut up and go 2 sleep i wouldnt need 2 talk 2 u

Seductress: the fact that ur talking 2 me means ur up 2 so…

Drama Queen: im up bc u blew up my phone so its ur fault im up

Pantastic has changed the chat name to ‘Go. To. Sleep!’

Drama Queen: and now uve woken josie up

Pantastic: u both did actually

Drama Queen: im only up 2 tell the she devil 2 go 2 sleep

Seductress: and in the process woke jojo up

Drama Queen: jojo? rly?

Pantastic: both of u shut up! we have school tmw so get some sleep

Drama Queen: u heard her

Pantastic: u 2 lizzie

Drama Queen: fiiine!

Seductress: only cuz ur asking cutie

Pantastic: what does that even mean?



DoItMyWay: imma skip tdy who wants in?

Drama Queen: u r so irresponsible

Pantastic: u rly shouldnt skip kaleb

Seductress: well im in

LeaveMeAlne: u guys r gonna get in trouble

DoItMyWay: mg u in?

NerdPower: we rly shouldnt…

Seductress: cmon its just 1 day!

NerdPower: … fine

DoItMyWay: sweet

Drama Queen: u guys r so busted

Seductress: r u gonna tell?

DoItMyWay: snitches get stitches

Drama Queen: o i wont tell doesnt mean u wont get busted

LeaveMeAlone: just forget it lizzie

LeaveMeAlone: itll come back 2 bite them sooner or later



NerdPower: so… we got caught



LeaveMeAlone: told u

Chapter Text



group chat ‘Go. To. Sleep!’

Seductress: if u were a supernatural being which would u b?

LeaveMeAlone: wat brought this on?

Seductress: idk im bored

NerdPower: srsly peez theres 2 many 2 choose from

Seductress: fine

Seductress: a witch werewolf or vampire choose out of those 3

TemperOfAWolf: werewolf

Drama Queen: i bet no1 saw that coming

Seductress has changed TemperOfAWolf’s name to ‘ObviousWolf’

DoItMyWay: vamp for me

Seductress has changed DoItMyWay’s name to ‘VampsBeforeTramps’

VampsBeforeTramps: yo u good at this

Seductress: ik

NerdPower: what about u peez?

Seductress: still deciding

Seductress: alrite queen of mean ur up

Drama Queen: and y should i play along with u?

Seductress: cuz i kno ur secret

NerdPower: wat secret

Drama Queen: urg fine!

Drama Queen: a witch 

Seductress has changed Drama Queen’s name to ‘Bitchy witch’

Bitchy witch: i hate u so much

Seductress: next!

NerdPower: another vamp here

VampsBeforeTramps: good choice man

Seductress has changed NerdPower’s name to ‘Baby Vamp’

Baby Vamp: y am i a baby vamp?

Seductress: cuz i feel like ud be 1

Sci-Fi Freak: id b a phoenix!

Bitchy Witch: that wasnt an option garden gnome

Sci-Fi Freak: but I wanna b a phoenix…

Seductress has changed Sci-Fi Freak’s name to ‘risefromtheashes’

Pantastic: i guess ill b a witch…

Seductress has changed Pantastic’s name to ‘The Enchantress’

Bitchy witch: how come I get “bitchy witch” and she gets “enchantress”

Seductress: just cuz

Seductress: hope its ur turn

LeaveMeAlone: do i have 2?

The Enchantress: i feel like hope is a mix of all 3…

Seductress: ik wat u mean

Bitchy witch: shes 2 unique 2 put in2 words…

ObviousWolf: shes a…

risefromtheashes: unicorn!

VampsBeforeTramps: say wat now

risefromtheashes: the only 1 of her kind… like a unicorn

LeaveMeAlone: i feel like u guys r making fun of me

Baby Vamp: no ur just 2 awesome for 1 label 

The Enchantress: shes a mix of all 3 like some kind of hybrid

Bitchy witch: shes a…

Seductress: tribrid!!

VampsBeforeTramps: tribrid

The Enchantress: tribrid!

ObviousWolf: tribrid

LeaveMeAlone: um do i get a choice in this?

Seductress has changed LeaveMeAlone’s name to ‘Mythical Tribrid’

Bitchy witch: fcking perfect

Bitchy witch:

Bitchy witch: I mean the species name thingy…

risefromtheashes: rite…

Baby Vamp: ur turn peez

Seductress: hmm

Seductress has changed their name to ‘MysteriousMagic’

VampsBeforeTramps: so… which creature r u?

MysteriousMagic: a witch obvious

Mythical Tribrid: im sorry wat was the point of this?

MysteriousMagic: no point 

MysteriousMagic: i was just curious

The Enchantress: ofc u were




risefromtheashes: wat if humans were just a reality show for aliens?



The Enchantress: wat were u doing up at 4 in the morning thinking about that kinda shit

risefromtheashes: o i didnt sleep

The Enchantress: y not?

Risefromtheashes: idk

The Enchantress: u should rly get some sleep

risefromtheashes: nah im fine

The Enchantress: if u say so



ObviousWolf: seriously lan? u didnt sleep AGAIN!?



Baby Vamp: i went over 2 his house but hed already crashed

ObviousWolf: hes gonna make himself sick



Mythical Tribrid: honestly i cant judge cuz i sleep like 2 hours and run on 6 cups of coffee

Bitchy witch: u srsly need 2 take better care of urself!

Mythical Tribrid: y do u care

Bitchy witch: w-who said i did

Mythical Tribrid: ooook




VampsBeforeTramps: this chick if yappin on bout who knows wat and im bored as fuck



Bitchy witch: maybe u should try listening instead of texting

VampsBeforeTramps: nah im good

Bitchy witch: y do i even bother



The Entchantress: mg y did I just c u and kaleb sneaking into the science lab?



Baby Vamp: cuz kaleb was caught with his phone in class so now were gonna steal it back



Bitchy witch: he shouldve listend 2 me

Chapter Text



group chat ‘Go. To. Sleep!' 

risefromtheashes: heeeeelp meeeee!!!

risefromtheashes has renamed the chat ‘GAY PANIC’

MysteriousMagic: i didnt care about ur problem til i saw gay panic but now im hooked

Bitchy witch: ooo i love me a good gay panic

Baby Vamp: dont we all?

Mythical Tribrid: question? r we all queer?

The Enchantress: uhh yes…

Bitchy witch: every1 state ur sexuality! bisexual!

MysteriousMagic: bi

The Enchantress: pan but every1 knows that already

Baby Vamp: gay

VampsBeforeTramps: trans and queer reporting for duty

Mythical Tribrid: no label but probably bi or pan

ObviousWolf: im straight but asexual

Baby Vamp: didnt u have sex with lizzie tho?

ObviousWolf: yea and thats how i realized i was ace

Bitchy witch: ah rude!

risefromtheashes: GUYS!!

Mythical Tribrid: rite whats the problem?

risefromtheashes: JED AKSED ME OIT!!!!!!!!!!!

ObviousWolf: WHHHAAATTT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

VampsBeforeTramps: they grow up so fast

Bitchy witch: the hobbit managed 2 get a date? im impressed

Mystical Tribrid: isnt jed the guys that use 2 bully u?

risefromtheashes: yae byt he iasd srory!!!!

MysteriousMagic: what?

The Enchantress: calm down before u talk

ObviousWolf: i still dont trust that guy

VampsBeforeTramps: yo whatever man hes cool

Baby Vamp: hes rly not that bad once u get 2 kno him

risefromtheashes: hes really not!! hes amazing!!

Bitchy witch: in love much

risefromthashes: but guys i need help!! what do i wear?

risefromtheashes: how do i act?

risefromtheashes: what even happens on a date!?

MysteriousMagic: calm down dude! i got this

MysteriousMagic: whens the date?

risefromtheashes: friday

MysteriousMagic: plenty of time

MysteriousMagic: ok me kaleb and hope will come shopping with u on thursday and we’ll prep u

VampsBeforeTramps: yo y us?

MysteriousMagic: me cuz I have great taste in clothes u bc ur the gay expert

VampsBeforeTramps: tru

MysteriousMagic: and hope cuz she knows how 2 act cool when people r in love with her

Mythical Tribrid: wait what?

MysteriousMagic: ur the only 1 who knows how 2 act chill even when every1s madly in love with u

Mythical Tribrid: what no i dont! no1s in love with me

The Enchantress: ur rly dense hope…

VampsBeforeTramps: even my gay ass has had a crush on u

VampsBeforeTramps: it was for like a day but still

Mytical Tribrid: I uh…. Huh?

Bitchy witch: i think we broke her…

MysteriousMagic: she’ll be fine

MysteriousMagic: so 4pm thursday dont b late u guys

VampsBeforeTramps: dope

risefromtheashes: tysm



Mystical Tribrid: have u all rly had a crush on me at some point?

Bitchy witch: fuckin-

Bitchy witch has changed Mystical Tribrid’s name to ‘Definition Of Oblivious’

Definition Of Oblivious: so thats a yes…

Bitchy witch: jfc YES

Definition Of Oblivious: even u?

Bitchy witch: are you really so dense that you don’t realize I’m fucking in love with you!!!!!

Definition Of Oblivious: wait what?

Bitchy witch: ,,,

Bitchy witch has left the chat

Definition Of Oblivious: LIZZIE!?!?

Definition Of Oblivious: fuck how do i add some1 2 the chat!?

MysteriousMagic has added Bitchy witch to the chat

Bitchy witch: u fucking bitch!!

MysteriousMagic: TALK. TO. HER!!!

Bitchy witch: like im saying anything knowing all u assholes r watching!!!

Definition Of Oblivious: can we private chat??

Bitchy witch:

Definition Of Oblivious: please?

Bitchy witch: urg fine!!



private chat between Bitchy witch and Definition Of Oblivious

Definition Of Oblivious: ur in love with me

Bitchy witch: … I did say that every1 has had a crush on u at some point so…

Definition Of Oblivious: having a crush on some1 and being in love with some1 r 2 different things i may be oblivious but i kno that much

Bitchy witch: yea well…

Definition Of Oblivious: also im pretty sure every1 is over there crush by now but u made it seem like ur in love with me now…

Bitchy witch: w-well

Definition Of Oblivious: am i wrong?

Bitchy witch: no… not exactly

Definition Of Oblivious: can i come over?

Bitchy witch: no way! Josie keeps looking at me from across the room and u being here will only make things worse!

Definition Of Oblivious: then come over here! My aunts r out tonite and my cousins already asleep so itll just be us!

Bitchy witch: but…

Definition Of Oblivious: dont even try 2 come up with an excuse!

Definition Of Oblivious: cmon please?

Bitchy witch: urg fine!

Definition Of Oblivious: ty!



group chat ‘GAY PANIC’

Baby Vamp: yo what happened?

VampBeforeTramps: dk they just went radio silent

MysteriousMagic: jojo do u know?

The Enchantress: well… she left the room about 20 minutes ago and when I asked where she was going all she said was “either 2 meet my doom or die of happiness” so…

risefromtheashes: so she probably went 2 hopes

MysteriousMagic: dont tell me we have 2 wait til tmw!!

The Enchantress: there prolly still working things out


Baby Vamp: calm down peez

MysteriousMagic: this is the worst!

VampsBeforeTramps: relax girl nothin stays secret 4 long

MysteriousMagic: I h8 this so much




Bitchy witch has change their name to ‘taken’

Definition Of Oblivious: rly lizzie?



MysteriousMagic: FUCKING FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Text



group chat ‘GAY PANIC’

MysteriousMagic: yo lanlan hurry up would ya

risefromtheashes: lanlan?

Baby Vamp: lol

Baby Vamp has changed risefromtheashes’s name to ‘LanLan’

VampsBeforeTramps: could u hurry up the girls r getting all emotional

Definition Of Oblivious: we r not

VampsBeforeTramps: rly? 

VampsBeforeTramps: *clears throat* Wait so u actually like me? I thought u hated every1 – hope 

VampsBeforeTramps: yea well as far as peeps go ur not that bad – penny

MysteriousMagic: if u call that emotional u do not want 2 come 2 girls nite

The Enchantress: we dont have girls nite??

MysteriousMagic: we should

VampsBeforeTramps: back 2 the topic at hand hurry up bro i have other things 2 do tdy

LanLan: im omw mom needed help with shit

VampsBeforeTramps: HURRY UP THERE HUGGING!!!!

MysteriousMagic: if u dont stop complaining ill kiss her next time

taken: u keep ur grubby hands off her!



Private chat between taken and The Enchantress

The Enchantress: u dont think pen actually likes hope do u

taken: y r u texting me? ur literally just downstairs

The Enchantress: cuz i dont wanna move

taken: fair

The Enchantress: so do u?

taken: penelope park likes anything that moves besides hopes mine so she better stay away

The Enchantress: yea but…


The Enchantress: what!?


The Enchantress: i do not!

taken: im coming down there!

The Enchantress: lizzie no!

taken: lizzie yes!




group chat ‘GAY PANIC’

LanLan: aahhhh hes hrer

VampsBeforeTramps: then stop texin us and go get em!

The Enchantress: u got this!

Baby Vamp: going out with guys is a lot easier then girls just an fyi

taken: i feel i should be offended but hes rite

ObviousWolf: i still dont trust him but ily lan so ill try

LanLan: thanks u guys

LanLan: im going!

MysteriousMagic: the love master taught u so ull do fine!

VampsBeforeTramps: as well as the gay master

Definition Of Oblivious: i dont think i rly did anything but good luck



ObviousWolf: do u think its going alrite?

The Enchantress: they just left like 10 mins ago calm down ralf

ObviousWolf: im just worried

ObviousWolf: jed was horrible 2 him when they 1st met and…

Baby Vamp: relax jed rly has turned over a new leaf trust me!

The Enchantress: hes rite jeds changed

ObviousWolf: ik ik im being over protective im sry

Baby Vamp: dont be bro jed was a jerk u have every rite 2 be suspicious

The Enchantress: and we’ll keep a close eye on him we wont let him hurt landon

ObviousWolf: thanks u guys



LanLan: i think im in love

Definition Of Oblivious: so i take it the d8 went well?

LanLan: it went AMAZING

VampsBeforeTramps: told ya there was nothin 2 worry bout

Baby Vamp: so whered u go?

LanLan: we went bowling then we went back 2 hes place

taken: for a 1st d8 thats the best he could do?

The Enchantress: lizzie

LanLan: u dont get it! The 1st time we ever rly talked was at the bowling ally we ran in2 each other and he apologized and it was rly sweet!

The Enchantress: that is so romantic!

taken: fine i gues thats kinda cute…

VampsBeforeTramps: home boy took u 2 his house on the 1st d8 thats brave

LanLan: it wasnt like that!

Definition Of Oblivious: guys landons demisexual so it mite be a bit soon for that

Baby Vamp: woah rly

The Enchantress: how did u kno that?

Definition Of Oblivious: we used 2 go out remember?

LanLan: anyway we just watched a movie and we may have made out a little…

VampsBeforeTramps: good for u bro




MysteriousMagic: c! u cant fail when the love master is on ur side!

Chapter Text



group chat ‘GAY PANIC’

MysteriousMagic: I'm doin' this tonight

LanLan: what?

VampsBeforeTramps: You're probably gonna start a fight

Definition Of Oblivious: srsly u guys?

MysteriousMagic: I know this can't be right

Baby Vamp: Hey baby, come on

LanLan: what r u guys going on about

taken: I am personally offended that u dont kno

VampsBeforeTramps: I loved you endlessly

The Enchantress: When you weren't there for me

Definition Of Oblivious: u 2 josie?

MysteriousMagic: So now it's time to leave and make it alone

LanLan: is this a song?

Definition Of Oblivious:

Baby Vamp: I know that I can't take no more

VampsBeforeTramps: It ain't no lie 

Definition Of Oblivious: get ready

taken: I want to see you out that door

Definition Of Oblivious: rly?

LanLan: 4 wat

Definition Of Oblivious: wait 4 it

MysteriousMagic: Baby, bi, bi, bi!!!!!

VampsBeforeTramps: Baby, bi, bi, bi!

Baby Vamp: Baby, bi, bi, bi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Enchantress: Baby, bi, bi, bi!!

taken: Baby, bi, bi, bi!!!!!

Definition Of Oblivious: u done?

MysteriousMagic: yep

taken: I would just like 2 say in very frustrated that the hobbit didnt kno the song

LanLan: sry

Baby Vamp: not that i dont luv a good sing a long but wat brought that on peez?

MysteriousMagic: it was stuck in my head so i thought id get in stuck of all ur heads 2

The Enchantress: we should do a karaoke nite!

Definition Of Oblivious: we should not

MysteriousMagic: cmon ur a great singer!

VampsBeforeTramps: uve heard her sing

Definition Of Oblivious: penenlope!

MysteriousMagic: well we were drunk but yes

taken: y do i not kno about this?

Definition Of Oblivious: bc it was like a year ago! Also like u said we were drunk so how could i be good?

MysteriousMagic: idk hope ur singing voice was wat got me in2 ur bed that nite

Definition Of Oblivious: OMG PENELOPE!!

taken: im sorry what?

The Enchantress: WHAT!?!?

Definition Of Oblivious: WE WERE DRUNK!!!

VampsBeforeTramps: daaaamn

MyteriousMagic: best nite of my life

Baby Vamp: um peez what r u tryin 2 do here?

Taken: start drama obviously!

VampsBeforeTramps renamed the chat ‘Girl Drama’

LanLan: ur only making things worse



VampsBeforeTramps: yo whered every1 go?

The Enchantress: um hope came over 2 our house and her and lizzie went 4 a walk

Baby Vamp: and how r u jo?

The Enchantress: what do u mean? im fine this has nothing 2 do with me…

Baby Vamp:



private chat between Baby Vamp and The Enchantress

Baby Vamp: r u sure ur ok? i kno how u feel about penelope

The Enchantress: whatever I know what shes like she doesnt do romance she does flings

Baby Vamp: still hurts tho rite?

The Enchantress: ofc it does



private chat between Definition Of Oblivious and MysteriousMagic

Definition Of Oblivious: u shouldnt have done that pen

MysteriousMagic: ik…

MysteriousMagic: i really wasnt trying 2 mess with u and lizzie i was trying 2… u kno

Definition Of Oblivious: convince josie that ur no good 4 her so she’d move on bc ur 2 afraid 2 let her in

Definition Of Oblivious: believe me I get 

Definition Of Oblivious: after my parents died i didnt want 2 let any1 in cuz i was afraid of getting hurt

Definition Of Oblivious: but u practically forced ur way in2 my life u didnt give me a choice

Definition Of Oblivious: u let urself in… but josie wont do that penny u have 2 b the 1 2 open up

MysteriousMagic: what if i hurt her?

Definition Of Oblivious: u have 2 take that risk P


MysteriousMagic: ill think about it

MysteriousMagic: thanks hope

Definition Of Oblivious: youd do the same 4 me




group chat ‘Girl Drama’

ObviousWolf: i leave for the weekend 2 visit my grandparents and decide 2 unplug thinking everything will be fine!

ObviousWolf: then i come back 2 this?

ObviousWolf: wtf guys!?



LanLan: its ur falut 4 having so much faith in us



VampsBeforeTramps: yo i was just watchin the show

Chapter Text



group chat ‘Girl Drama’


taken: I would just like 2 say how utterly infuriating it is that she can look so perfect without even trying!

Definition Of Oblivious: lizzie! u promised u wouldnt send that!

MysteriousMagic: damn hope!

The Enchantress: how does she do that?

Definition Of Oblivious: I literally just woke up!

VampsBeforeTramps: its like almost midnite also u r fiiine girl!

Definition Of Oblivious: omg guys stop!

taken: she hasnt slept in like 2 days so i came over 2 force her 2 sleep

taken: it only lasted about 3 hours but ill take what i can get

The Enchantress: ur as bad as landon

Definition Of Oblivious: im still mad about u posting that pic lizzie!

taken: i wanted 2 show every1 how utterly perfect u r and how much i h8 it!

MysteriousMagic has changed Definition Of Oblivious’s name to ‘Utterly Perfect’

Utterly Perfect: i h8 u

MysteriousMagic: luv u 2

Utterly Perfect: im leaving

taken: she just walked out of the room

The Enchantress: ur still with her?

taken: i was but she just left

taken: pretty sure she just locked herself in the bathroom

VampsBeforeTramps: for real tho id do her

The Enchantress: arent u gay?

VampsBeforeTramps: im 96% gay the other 4% of me is all girl power

MysteriousMagic: would just like 2 say she is really good in bed and I would pay a million $ 2 do it again

taken: stop talking about my girlfriend!

VampsBeforeTramps has changed taken’s name to ‘Jealous’

Jealous: i am not!

VampsBeforeTramps: uhuh and im white

Jealous: im going 2 find hope!

MysteriousMagic: baaii

The Enchantress: i think u guys upset her…




private chat between Jealous and Utterly Perfect

Jealous: ur not responding 2 me banging on the door so will u respond 2 my texts?



Jealous: y do i hear crying?



Jealous: i will bust this door down if i have to hope!



Jealous: ur aunts came back and told me 2 leave?? I hope ur ok

Jealous: just call if u need anything… I love you



Utterly Perfect: I’m really sorry I flaked Lizzie you didn’t do anything wrong I swear

Utterly Perfect: I get like this sometimes I’m really sorry

Jealous: ur using proper grammar and shit so it must be pretty serious

Utterly Perfect: your still up?

Jealous: i was 2 worried about u 2 sleep

Jealous: and should i use proper grammar 2 cuz i feel rly out of place here?

Utterly Perfect: lol no ur fine

Jealous: what happened back there hope?

Utterly Perfect: um… could we call? This isn’t something I feel like explaining over text…

Jealous: of course!



a call between Jealous and Utterly Perfect started



a call between Jealous and Utterly Perfect ended


group chat 'Girl Drama'


The Enchantress: has any1 seen hope tdy

Jealous: shes not coming

LanLan: y did something happen?

Baby Vamp: its not like hope 2 miss school

Jealous: no idea she just said she wasnt coming



private chat between Jealous and Utterly Perfect

Utterly Perfect: thanks for covering 4 me

Jealous: dont worry about it and if u ever need anything im here

Utterly Perfect: thank you lizzie


group chat ‘Girl Drama’


VampsBeforeTramps: somebody save me from Mr whatshisfaces lecture!!

LanLan: maybe try listening for a change?

VampsBeforeTramps: fuck this shit im out

Baby Vamp: did ya do that on purpose?

VampsBeforeTramps: … i rly dont kno

ObviousWolf has changed VampsBeforeTramps’s name to ‘FuckThisShitImOut’

LanLan: lmao

FuckThisShitImOut: for real tho im leavin mg u in

Baby Vamp: last time i skipped with u we got caught so no thanks

FuckThisShitImOut: whatever man peace out

ObviousWolf: who wants 2 bet hes gonna get caught?



MysteriousMagic: who wants 2 come down 2 the grill with me?

The Enchantress: ill come

Baby Vamp: sure

ObviousWolf: sounds like fun

LanLan: i rly want a milkshake so im in

Jealous: pass

FuckThisShitImOut: I got giving detention so im out

ObviousWolf: u got caught hah?

FuckThisShitImOut: fuck u

MysteriousMagic: is hope still radio silent?

Jealous: not every1 can be on there phone 24:7

MysteriousMagic: u talking about urself again lizzie?

Jealous: u guys have fun at ur little hang out sess

MysteriousMagic: we will now that ur not coming



The Enchantress: never again

LanLan: that was the worst thing thats ever happened 2 me

Baby Vamp: y god y!



FuckThisShitImOut: damn what the fuck happened 2 u guys?



Jealous: whatever happened im glad i wasnt apart of it

Jealous: i knew it was a good idea not 2 go

Chapter Text



group chat ‘Girl Drama’

FuckThisShitImOut: so we dont go 2 school with awkward tension in the air would some1 mind tellin me what in the name of god happened ysa

Jealous: josie already told me the very… interesting story of what happened

FuckThisShitImOut: well some1 tell me!

Baby Vamp: penelope drugged us

FuckThisShitImOut: say wat now?

MysteriousMagic: ok I did not “drug u” I simply didnt tell u I put alcohol in ur drinks

TheEnchantress: i will never forgive u! 

MysteriousMagic: cmon jojo u were adorable!

FuckThisShitImOut: what happened exactly?

Baby Vamp: apparently when josie gets drunk she gets clingy

LanLan: and possessive. she was following penelope around everywhere

Baby Vamp: and when she tried 2 talk 2 the barista (who was like a 40 year old white dude) she got really possessive and told him to and I quote “fuck the fuck off bc that pussy is mine!”

Jealous: and u guys call me jealous

FuckThisShitImOut: little josie swore that much in 1 sentence! im impressed

ObviousWolf: meanwhile lan was trying 2 pretend he didnt kno us so he full on went 2 some random girls table and sat down and started a convo with her

ObviousWolf: she was about 2 call the cops but mg saved him just in time

MysteriousMagic: u guys r horrible drunks


The Enchantress: also apparently ralf isnt affected by alcohol??

ObviousWolf: I just have a high tolerance

FuckThisShitImOut: wat about u mg? any crazy shit happen?

Baby Vamp:

LanLan: u kno how ralf said he saved me? He didnt. He sat down with us and told the woman “dont worry girl landons gay ass has a bf so he aint gonna try raping u or nothing”

Baby Vamp: now were banned from the grill for a month and we charged with community service for 2 weeks

FuckThisShitImOut: damn

MysteriousMagic: now there all blaming me can u believe it

Jealous: yes bc its ur fault!!

MysteriousMagic: whatever



Utterly Perfect: i just cant leave u guys alone can i?

MysteriousMagic: well look whos back from the dead!

FuckThisShitImOut: i didnt think we were gonna cya again mikaelson

LanLan: u coming 2 school today?

Baby Vamp: I missed the sound of ur voice

Utterly Perfect: ok so… i was never dead, i was only gone for a day, yes but ill be a bit late and u cant here my voice over text
MysteriousMagic: fuck i missed u…

Utterly Perfect: again was only gone for a day pen

FuckThisShitImOut: yea but i dont think uve ever missed school so even missin 1 day is weird for u

Baby Vamp: hurry up and get 2 school so I can here ur beautiful voice 

Utterly Perfect: ur so weird

Utterly Perfect: my aunts calling me but ill c u guys soon

Baby Vamp: bye!

LanLan: cya



The Enchantress: leave me alone!

LanLan: ooook

ObviousWolf: did we do something?

The Enchantress: o sry wrong guys wrong chat!

Jealous: is some1 bothering u cuz i will kill them

The Enchantress: just this guy who cant take a hint its nothing serious

MysteriousMagic: what!? Give me his number!

The Enchantress: no pen its fine rly



private chat between Jealous and MysteriousMagic

MysteriousMagic: i need ur help

Jealous: um y r u texting me satan?

MysteriousMagic: bc josie mite not think its a big deal but this guy could be trouble

MysteriousMagic: and as much as i hate u i kno u love josie so help me get his number

Jealous: dont u think ur being over dramatic it could be just some guy who has a creepy ass crush on her

MysteriousMagic: im not willing 2 take that chance r u?


Jealous: fine ill look in2 it but no promises evil 1!

MysteriousMagic: good enough

Jealous: i still hate u tho btw

MysteriousMagic: well duh

Chapter Text



group chat ‘Girl Drama’

Baby Vamp: kaleb josie landon! Have i got some new for u!

FuckThisShitImOut: what up

Baby Vamp: u kno the talent show

LanLan: uh the 1 that happened like 4 months ago?

Baby Vamp: yea! They uploaded ur performance 2 youtube

The Enchantress: they did what?

FuckThisShitImOut: whos they?

Baby Vamp: the local tv studio

Jealous: I was in the performance 2! which means im gonna be famous!

Utterly Perfect: no offence babe but i dont think this is about u

Jealous: urg fine! Congrats jo!

ObviousWolf: but lan wasnt even in the talent show???

Baby Vamp: they said he gave them footage of him singing i think?

LanLan: omg i completely forgot about that!

FuckThisShitImOut: was footage?

Baby Vamp: hang on ill show u all 3 of them



Baby Vamp: josie-

Baby Vamp: kaleb-

Baby Vamp: landon-



MysteriousMagic: way 2 go jojo

Baby Vamp: any1 else c the split second liz and pen smiled at each other! ground breaking discovery

Jealous: y is landon singing 2 hope?

LanLan: uh cuz this was when we were together

Jealous: ur not a very good singer hobbit

LanLan: gee thanks

Baby Vamp: rlly im digging it

MysteriousMagic: dont hate just cuz ur jealous

Jealous: I. Am not. Jealous!

MysteriousMagic: if u say so

FuckThisShitImOut: how come no1s talking about how fucking talented I am?




LanLan: is any1 else up

Utterly Perfect: im pretty much always up

LanLan: what im getting is we both have horrible sleeping patterns

Utterly Perfect: we did always use 2 stay up talking all nite

Utterly Perfect: but we probably shouldnt talk in the gc bc if we wake lizzie up she will kill us both



private chat between LanLan and Utterly Perfect

LanLan: im guessing u werent at school yda bc it happened again?

Utterly Perfect: yep

Utterly Perfect: i also told lizzie

LanLan: does that mean i dont have 2 come 2 ur rescue everytime ur aunts arent available 

Utterly Perfect: shut up ur the 1 that told me 2 call u!

LanLan: ik im just joking u can call me anytime

LanLan: tho i dont think lizzie would like that

Utterly Perfect: shes just insecure

Utterly Perfect: but im not gonna let her control my life

Utterly Perfect: ur my friend past relationship aside i dont want 2 lose u

LanLan: and u wont

LanLan: just cuz were not together doesnt mean i dont care about u

Utterly Perfect: hey ur the 1 that broke up with me

LanLan: yes bc im 2 gay 4 u

Utterly Perfect: lol I thought u were pan

LanLan: I am but more gay then straight and u r way 2 female 

Utterly Perfect: that doesnt even make any sense!

Utterly Perfect: doesnt breaking up w/ some1 cuz of there gender kinda defeat the purpose of being pan??

LanLan: well yea but im not supposed 2 make sense

Utterly Perfect: ok im leaving

LanLan: I LOVE U

Utterly Perfect: uhuh sure


Utterly Perfect: bye!

LanLan: but hope my love…



group chat 'Girl Drama’

ObviousWolf: do u 2 ever sleep

LanLan: nope

Utterly Perfect: i run purely on caffeine

ObviousWolf: im actually starting 2 worry bout u 2

LanLan: more importantly HOPE WONT TELL ME SHE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!!

The Enchantress: lmao what

Utterly Perfect: he told me I was “2 female” whatever that means and then told me he loved me and tried 2 force me 2 say it back

Baby Vamp: yo when was this?

LanLan: at like 4 in the morning

LanLan: it was late nite bonding

Utterly Perfect: it was him annoying the crap out of me

LanLan: y dont u love me?

The Enchantress: u guys have a rly weird relationship

ObviousWolf: ikr



private chat between Jealous and The Enchantress

The Enchantress: lizzie r u ok u just stormed out of the room?

The Enchantress: there just joking around u kno



group chat ‘Girl Drama’

MysteriousMagic: urg i want coffee!

FuckThisShitImOut: then make coffee

MysteriousMagic: i want coffee from the grill!!

Utterly Perfect: u should of thought about that before u got urself banned

MysteriousMagic: hope get me coffee!!

Utterly Perfect: no way!



Baby Vamp: peez wanted me 2 tell u that she rly wanted coffee from the grill so she disguised herself but the disguise fell of and they recognised her so now shes done at the police station



The Enchantress: i- 

The Enchantress: hu-

The Enchantress: what? 

Chapter Text



group chat ‘Girl Drama’

Utterly Perfect: any1 else notice that lizzie was ignoring me all day?

MysteriousMagic: sounds like a win in my book

Baby Vamp: u do kno shes in the chat rite?

Utterly Perfect: was kinda hoping she would yell at me for not realizing her presence or whatever

Utterly Perfect: at least she’d talk 2 me then

ObviousWolf: whatd u do?

Utterly Perfect: idk! Apperently I am fucking oblivious so some1 tell me please!

Baby Vamp: josie

Baby Vamp: lizzie tells josie everything

Baby Vamp: ask josie

MysteriousMagic: she 2 is in the chat u dweeb

Baby Vamp: yea but shes not gonna talk with us (and lizzie) around



private chat between The Enchantress and Utterly Perfect

Utterly Perfect: do u kno?

The Enchantress: idk wat ur talking about

Utterly Perfect: u kno we can tell when ur reading the gc rite?

The Enchantress: ok doesnt mean im going 2 tell u

Utterly Perfect: how am i supposed 2 fix something if u wont tell me whats wrong

The Enchantress: its not ur problem 2 fix!

Utterly Perfect: whos is it? urs? bc it seems 2 always be urs

The Enchantress: im her twin! im the 1 that loves her most

Utterly Perfect: im not doubting that jo but not every problem she has is urs 2 fix

The Enchantress:

The Enchantress: she doesnt think ur taking her serious

Utterly Perfect: what y?

The Enchantress: bc of penelope and landon

Utterly Perfect: r u serious? 

The Enchantress: u should come over… talk it out in personal

Utterly Perfect: what changed ur mind?

The Enchantress: ur rite this isnt my problem 2 fix



Group chat 'Girl Drama'

The Enchantress has kicked Jealous out of the group

MysteriousMagic: yes finally!

FuckThisShitImOut: is there more… girl drama!

LanLan: ur not done with that?

Baby Vamp: this is kaleb were talking bout here

ObviousWolf: truuuu

The Enchantress: guys shut up! lizzies asking y i kicked her out we have 2 be quick

MysteriousMagic: or we could just kick her out for good?

The Enchantress: hope is on her way over but I didnt tell lizzie so just play it cool!

LanLan: im sorry whats going on exactly?

The Enchantress: lizzies jealous hope is oblivious u kno the usual! i just wanted 2 let u kno

The Enchantress: when lizzie comes back shes either gonna be rly happy or really heartbroken so beware!

ObviousWolf: got it

FuckThisShitImOut: either way itll be a good show

The Enchantress has deleted 13 messages from the chat 

The Enchantress has added Jealous to the chat

Jealous: just what on earth were u bitches talking about that u dont want me 2 kno about!!

MysteriousMagic: we were plotting ways 2 kill u. we missed our weekly meeting so we had 2 have it now

Jealous: I h8 every single 1 of u!



private chat between Jealous and The Enchantress

Jealous: I am going 2 kill u

The Enchantress: the is for ur own good liz

Jealous: I hate u!

The Enchantress: luv u 2



group chat ‘Girl Drama’

Jealous has renamed themselves ‘heartbroken’

Baby Vamp: o no did it not go well

MysteriousMagic: did hope inevitably break ur heart?

heartbroken: uh no she wont get me food

Utterly Perfect: i dont wanna get up anymore then u do

heartbroken: wait how did u guys kno about that?



FuckThisShitImOut: well…

heartbroken: JOSETTE 

The Enchantress: sorry…

Utterly Perfect has changed The Enchantress’s name to ‘Matchmaker’


Utterly Perfect: what shes good at what she does

MysteriousMagic: so jojo who u gonna matchmake next… us perhaps

Matchmaker: im good thanks




FuckThisShitImOut has changed the chat name to ‘Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree’

ObviousWolf: gettin in 2 the holiday spirit i c

LanLan: fuck yes!

MysteriousMagic: christmas sing along!

Utterly Perfect: noooo

MysteriousMagic: yeeeees

FuckThisShitImOut: I don't want a lot for Christmas

Utterly Perfect: nope nope nope

Matchmaker: There is just one thing I need

LanLan: I don't care about the presents

heartbroken: at least he knows this 1

MysteriousMagic: Underneath the Christmas tree

Baby Vamp: I don't need to hang my stocking

heartbroken: There upon the fireplace

Utterly Perfect: y do u guys like 2 make me suffer?

ObviousWolf: Santa Claus won't make me happy

MysteriousMagic: ur turn hopey

Utterly Perfect: im good thanks

FuckThisShitImOut: do it

Baby Vamp: do it

heartbroken: do it

LanLan: do it

Utterly Perfect: i h8 all of u

Matchmaker: pleeeaaase

Utterly Perfect:

Utterly Perfect: With a toy on Christmas Day

Baby Vamp: eeeehhhh

MysteriousMagic: thats my girl!

Utterly Perfect: just keep going

FuckThisShitImOut: I just want you for my own

Matchmaker: More than you could ever know

LanLan: Make my wish come true

MysteriousMagic: All I want for Christmas iiiissss…

Baby Vamp: YOUUUU

heartbroken: yooouuuu

ObviousWolf: youuu

Utterly Perfect: i did 1 line im not doing another

MysteriousMagic: we r having an irl christmas sing-a-long and u r participating and then u and the queen of mean will bang bc no1 can resist u after hearing u sing

Utterly Perfect: PENELOPE

Chapter Text



private chat between heartbroken and MysteriousMagic

heartbroken: update: josie wouldnt spill anything so I stole her phone when she was helping mom with dinner and that guy is a total creep!

MysteriousMagic: u take pics?

heartbroken: ah ofc

heartbroken: [creepyassdick.jpg]

heartbroken: there r a lot more but u get the point

MysteriousMagic: y doesnt she just leave

heartbroken: dont ask me she probably thinks she’ll b the mean 1 if she does u kno how josie can b

MysteriousMagic: damn it jojo

MysteriousMagic: how am i supposed 2 protect her when she wont protect herself

heartbroken: we can talk about ur completely obvious and very disturbing feelings about my sister later

heartbroken: rite now we need 2 protect her from mr creepy

MysteriousMagic: ok yea fine

MysteriousMagic: but later rite now i have a study d8

heartbroken: uh with who?

MysteriousMagic: with ur sister obviously! she told me not 2 call it a d8 but it totally is

heartbroken: uh gross!

MysteriousMagic: later!



group chat ‘Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree’

FuckThisShitImOut: guess who has a d8

Baby Vamp: rly who?

FuckThisShitImOut: roman

ObviousWolf: hopes ex?

LanLan: never liked that guy

MysteriousMagic: hope? Any feelings getting stirred up?

Utterly Perfect: y would i have feelings getting stirred up p? Roman and i d8ed like 3 years ago

MysteriousMagic: ik i was hoping 2 make lizzie jealous

heartbroken: wouldnt work. Honestly i would leave her 4 roman so i wouldnt blame her if feelings go “stirred up”

Utterly Perfect: gee thanks

Baby Vamp: honestly that guy is fucking amazing!

ObviousWolf: hes hot thats 4 sure. im straight and even i can c that

LanLan: still dont like him

Matchmaker: hes rly sweet tho y dont u like him landon?

Utterly Perfect: bc hes an insecure lil bean who thought i was going 2 leave him 4 roman

Utterly Perfect: and hes feelings have just followed him throughout time

Baby Vamp: that was very… observant of u hope

Baby Vamp: but damn every1s getting laid but me

ObviousWolf: im not

Matchmaker: neither am i

Utterly Perfect: add me 2 the club bc lizzie wants 2 wait

Utterly Perfect: i mean its not that big of a deal but still im in the club

heartbroken: I have learnt that when u rush in2 sex people do crazy things lie dump u on ur birthday! so…

ObviousWolf: i said i was sorry!

Utterly Perfect: like i said unlike these sex driven creatures its not that big of a deal

Utterly Perfect: ofc I want 2 but im not ready until ur ready

MysteriousMagic: be sappy in private would ya



LanLan: What’s this? Some kind of… group chat?

FuckThisShitImOut: u on drugs or something bro

ObviousWolf: u feelin ok lan?

LanLan: I’m feeling fine. Just thought I’d see who my little brother spends his time with

Matchmaker: brother?

Utterly Perfect: o no

Utterly Perfect: no nope nope NO

Utterly Perfect: i am not dealing with this

Utterly Perfect has left the chat

FuckThisShitImOut: um ok what?

LanLan: I’m guessing that was Hope

heartbroken has added Utterly Perfect to the chat

heartbroken: u better tell us what the hell is going on rite now hope mikaelson!

Utterly Perfect: if i were u i would leave while u still can

Matchmaker: ok now im rly confused…

LanLan: My name is Clarke, I’m Landon’s older, and better looking, brother and Hope and I have a bit of a bumpy history

ObviousWolf: dont tell me u fell for her?

Matchmaker: we’ve all been there

heartbroken: let me guess? she left u for the hobbit and now u h8 ur brother and hope

LanLan: Listen I don’t know what you high schoolers are going on about but Hope and I have never banged

Utterly Perfect: thank god

FuckThisShitImOut: then what happened 2 make her h8 u so much

FuckThisShitImOut: i mean its pretty easy but still

LanLan: Hope here, left me to die

Utterly Perfect: he’s being overdramatic i simply left him across the country with no money and no way to get home 

ObviousWolf: wait what

Utterly Perfect: only bc! he literally tried 2 kill me

LanLan: Now who’s being overdramatic

LanLan: I just tricked you into going down an alleyway


FuckThisShitImOut: wow did hope just yell?

Matchmaker: thats a 1st

heartbroken: wait…

heartbroken: omg

ObviousWolf: what?

heartbroken: Whoever you are you better stay the hell away from my girlfriend or you’ll have to deal with me and I can be very scary when I want to be!

FuckThisShitImOut: daamn white girl

Matchmaker: she used proper grammar... this cant be good



private chat between heartbroken and Utterly Perfect

heartbroken: stay where u r im coming over!

Utterly Perfect: no lizzie im fine

heartbroken: this is none negotiable hope! 

Utterly Perfect: ur gonna come no matter what i say arent u?

heartbroken: yes

Utterly Perfect: thanks lizzie


group chat ‘Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree’


LanLan: he didnt

ObviousWolf: yo lan is that rly u this time?

LanLan: wheres hope

Matchmaker: um well lizzie went over 2 her house so im guessing at home??

LanLan: lizzies with her? ok thats good

FuckThisShitImOut: mind tellin us whats going on?

LanLan: its not my place 2 say

Matchmaker: hopes ok tho rite?

LanLan: lizzies with her so she should be fine



Baby Vamp: yo what the hell happened?

MysteriousMagic: u turn ur phone of for 1 evening 2 get some studying done (mgs idea not mine) and return 2 find out world war 3 started wtf u guys!

Chapter Text



group chat ‘Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree’

ObviousWolf: any1 else rly confused?

FuckThisShitImOut: u mean about that science test we did today or the fact that hope landon and lizzie r acting hella weird

LanLan: funny thing about a gc

LanLan: when ur talking about other people in the gc they can also read it!

Baby Vamp: then tell us wats goin on

LanLan: i already told u! its not my place 2 say

Matchmaker: guys maybe u should just leave it?

FuckThisShitImOut: do u kno wats goin on? lizzie does tell u everything

Matchmaker: no she didnt tell me and I didnt ask bc its none of our business

Baby Vamp: maybe shes rite guys

Baby Vamp: if it was that important hope wouldve told us by now

ObviousWolf: or maybe she doesnt want us 2 worry! u kno how hope can b 

FuckThisShitImOut: well whatever when yall decide what we’re gonna do call me

Matchmaker: just leave it alone guys



heartbroken: u guys suck at secret convos

Matchmaker: srry lizzie

heartbroken: ur the only 1 im not mad at jo

heartbroken: the rest of u r in for it!

Baby Vamp: please god! save me!!

LanLan: what did i do?

heartbroken: ur the reason they kno somethings up in the 1st place!

LanLan: how

heartbroken: u said and i quote “its not my place 2 say” meaning! that there is indeed something 2 say

LanLan: What!?

Utterly Perfect: lizzie its fine

heartbroken: u sure?

Utterly Perfect: no but they deserve 2 kno

Baby Vamp: deserve 2 kno what?

Utterly Perfect: meet me in the town square at 8?

Utterly Perfect: and make sure the others r there. this isnt something i want 2 explain twice

Matchmaker: ok if ur sure… we’ll be there



private chat between heartbroken and Utterly Perfect

heartbroken: r u 100% sure about this??

Utterly Perfect: yes! they deserve 2 kno

heartbroken: if ur sure then

Utterly Perfect: i am



private chat between LanLan and Utterly Perfect

LanLan: u sure about this

Utterly Perfect: geez the 2 of u need 2 calm down

LanLan: were just worried

Utterly Perfect: i kno but u dont need 2 be im fine promise

LanLan: ok ok



private chat between MysteriousMagic and Utterly Perfect

MysteriousMagic: karaoke nite. friday. u in?

Utterly Perfect: no

MysteriousMagic: karaoke nite will make u feel better!

Utterly Perfect: no it will not

Utterly Perfect: in fact itll make me feel 10 times worse

MysteriousMagic: cmon i even have song choices for u!

Utterly Perfect: u mean i dont even get 2 choose the song?

MysteriousMagic: well ull get 2 choose out of 3…

Utterly Perfect: no way in hell

MysteriousMagic: cmon! I’ll owe u!

Utterly Perfect: … ok i’ll do it. on 1 condition 

MysteriousMagic: hit me

Utterly Perfect: at this karaoke nite ur so excited for u have 2 sing a love song 2 josie


MysteriousMagic: u kno wat i changed my mind! who needs karaoke anyway?

Utterly Perfect: oh no! we’re doing it! 

Utterly Perfect: and u have 2 make it very clear ur singing 2 her and only her.

MysteriousMagic: ur enjoying this

Utterly Perfect: paybacks a bitch

MysteriousMagic: FINE

Utterly Perfect: c u friday



group chat ‘Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree’

MysteriousMagic: listen up gang!

MysteriousMagic: i have convinced the hope mikaelson! 2 do karaoke w/ us

MysteriousMagic: it was at a cost… but ive done it!

FuckThisShitImOut: woop woop!

LanLan: i have 2 go pick out a song!

Baby Vamp: i- i didnt think this day would ever come!

ObviousWolf: wats the cost?

Utterly Perfect: oh ull c

Matchmaker: this is gonna be fun… and chaotic 

heartbroken: it usually is with these idiots

MysteriousMagic: get ready 2 orgasm lizzie!

Utterly Perfect: PENELOPE!!




heartbroken has changed their name to ‘CandyCaneHigh’

Baby Vamp: lmao wat?

Matchmaker: she found a bunch of candy canes when she got up at 4 in the morning 2 get a drink and now shes got a candy cane high

Utterly Perfect: dont come 2 school high

CandyCaneHigh: but there so good

Matchmaker: she literally ate the whole packet

Baby Vamp: b safe liz

Utterly Perfect: yea 

Utterly perfect: candy canes r serious stuff



MysteriousMagic: ok so… i want 2 make fun of u lizzie but honestly who doesnt love a good candy cane high?

Chapter Text



group chat ‘Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree’

LanLan: u kno what i h8? homophobes 

Baby Vamp: ikr! there the worst!

MysteriousMagic: how bout we gather all the queers in the world and lock all the homophobes up!

Utterly Perfect: does that make us any better then them?

Matchmaker: hopes rite. anyway did something happen landon

LanLan: I was out with jed and these guys from school saw us and jeds not out yet so…

FuckThisShitImOut: there gonna out him arent they?

Utterly Perfect: changed my mind but instead of locking them up lets kill them

MysteriousMagic: fuck yea!

CandyCaneHigh: people call me crazy. people r rite

CandyCaneHigh: lets do it

Baby Vamp: im a pacifist but im rlly mad rite now so im in

Matchmaker: srsly u guys?

FuckThisShitImOut: or we could come up with another way?

ObviousWolf: is it just me or did kaleb sound kinda reasonable there

 FuckThisShitImOut: 1st of all fuck u

FuckThisShitImOut: and 2nd i never said we were gonna let them off the hook


CandyCaneHigh: go on…

FuckThisShitImOut: well were gonna need some dirt on these guys

Utterly Perfect: u kno blackmail is illegal rite?

Obvious Wolf: they hurt landon so i dont rlly care if its illegal do u?

Matchmaker: i guess its better then killing them…

Baby Vamp: so who was it exactly?

LanLan: who do u think? connor and his puppets

Obvious Wolf: of fucking course!

FuckThisShitImOut: ok then we’ll split in2 teams

FuckThisShitImOut: me mg and rafael will go after connor himself

FuckThisShitImOut: lizzie hope penelope and josie u go after dana cuz lets face it shes almost worse then he is

LanLan: what about me? there going after my boyfriend u kno

FuckThisShitImOut: meaning theyll be suspicious of u

LanLan: theyll be suspicious of all of us!

FuckThisShitImOut: dana wont be suspicious of penelope she’ll distract her while the other girls find dirt

FuckThisShitImOut: us boys r on the football team w/ connor he’ll be suspicious of rafael since hes so close w/ landon mg cant lie 2 save his life i on the other hand am great at it so ill be the distraction and the snoop

Utterly perfect: woah

MysteriousMagic: jesus that was amazing

Matchmaker: uve actually thought this through

FuckThisShitImOut: listen hoes im rly fucking good at schemes

CandyCaneHigh: ok then… 

ObviousWolf: so when do we start?

FuckThisShitImOut: tmw at morning break

Baby Vamp: u want us 2 do this in 20 mins!?

FuckThisShitImOut: well they will get suspicious if we talk 2 them 2 long

CandyCaneHigh: question y dont we wait til there at practice? We wouldnt even have 2 distract them

Obvious Wolf: our team has practice as well

Utterly Perfect: and jo and I have student council on wednesdays

FuckThisShitImOut: leaving only u and penelope left

CandyCaneHigh: urg fine! we’ll do it during break

LanLan: ty guys 



private chat between MysteriousMagic and Utterly Perfect

MysteriousMagic: ok so i have 3 songs for u 2 choose out of for friday




MysteriousMagic: listen and choose 1 my darling



Utterly Perfect: penelope y r these all rly sad and depressing songs?

MysteriousMagic: uh cuz i want u 2 have a mental breakdown duh

Utterly Perfect: jfc my best friend is a sadist

MysteriousMagic: no i just… want u 2 stop pretending ur ok all the time

Utterly Perfect: what r u talking about

MysteriousMagic: the other day u let us in for the 1st time ever and u admitted u werent ok

MysteriousMagic: u should admit it more often

Utterly perfect: so y did u choose the songs out for me? doesnt that kinda defeat the purpose?

MysteriousMagic: i chose songs that i think represent u

MysteriousMagic: also! i spent hours on yt 2 find these songs so be grateful bitch

Utterly Perfect: ok fine! ill choose 1

MysteriousMagic: yeees

Utterly perfect: but u should start looking for ur own song 2 sing 2 a certain brunette

MysteriousMagic: urg dont remind me!

Utterly perfect: thanks P ily… even if u r a asshole

MysteriousMagic: ily2… even if u r a bitch who doesnt kno how feelings work



group chat ‘Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree’

LanLan: so um…

LanLan has added Jed to the chat

CandyCaneHigh: u didnt just…

Matchmaker: he did

MysteriousMagic: u do kno ur supposed 2 ask the rest of us rite?

Baby Vamp: rule 1! dont add peeps 2 the chat without asking the rest of us! everybody knows this

Utterly Perfect: luckily raf goes 2 sleep at 10

CandyCaneHigh: that was only 18 mins ago

MysteriousMagic: we sure hes asleep?

Baby Vamp: i sure hope so...

Jed: im rly sry for dropping in like this its just landon told me wat u doing for me and i just wanted 2 say thank u

FuckThisShitImOut: hold up is he usin that sorta language thinkin were friends

Matchmaker: we arent doing it for u

Utterly Perfect: dont think we’ve forgotten about last year

CandyCaneHigh: landon may be a sock puppet but hes 1 of us and as the saying goes u mess with 1 of us u mess with all of us

MysteriousMagic: yes u may be hot 

MysteriousMagic: yes i helped landon get ready for ur 1st d8

MysteriousMagic: and YES u may smell amazing!

Baby Vamp: ok peez getting off topic

LanLan: guys could u lay off!

Jed: no its ok i deserve it

Jed: listen im rly srry with the way I treated landon last year. I dont deserve ur forgiveness but at least believe me when i say i truly care about landon

FuckThisShitImOut: hope rafael isnt here so u kno landon best its ur call

Utterly Perfect: there r some rules

Jed: anything

Utterly Perfect: number 1 u have 2 make sure its ok with rafael 1st if not u leave

Jed: understood

Utterly Perfect: number 2 if u hurt landon in any way we will all make u suffer in ways uve never imagined 

Jed: got it

Utterly Perfect: and number 3 u do not under any circumstances judge any of us in any way

Utterly perfect: we r all crazy and messed up in 1 way or another but this gc chaotic and stupid as it may be is a safe place if u ruin that safe place in any way u will never be forgiven

Jed: yes ma’am

Utterly Perfect: thats it

MysteriousMagic: wait! 1 more from me! 

Jed: ok…

MysteriousMagic: that boring ass name… has got 2 go

Chapter Text



group chat ‘Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree’

ObviousWolf: ur kidding rite?



Baby Vamp: knew he’d say something like that



Utterly Perfect: just give him a chance ralf

ObviousWolf: u saying u trust him?

Utterly Perfect: im saying that every1 deserves a 2nd chance

Utterly Perfect: and if thats not good enough for u then try for landon

ObviousWolf: 1 wrong move and hes out

Utterly Perfect: already made that perfectly clear

ObviousWolf: 1 chance he gets 1. more. chance



Jed: I rly appreciate it rafael

ObviousWolf: im not doing it for u

Jed: ik



MysteriousMagic: now that thats cleared up we need a name… a catchy name

CandyCaneHigh: how bout ‘loverofmayonnaise’

LanLan: am i the mayonnaise? 

CandyCaneHigh: well duh

Baby Vamp: o what about ‘ATotalTop’

LanLan: um rude!

Jed: w-what?

Utterly Perfect: oh dont worry a weird name is a compliment

Jed: ok…

FuckThisShitImOut: i personally like ‘100% would do’

CandyCaneHigh: u man whore

MysteriousMagic: im gonna go w/...

MysteriousMagic has changed Jed's name to 'TopDog'

Baby Vamp: ehh!

Utterly Perfect: well now that that's sorted imma head 2 school cya

CandyCaneHigh: walk by my house im almost ready

Utterly Perfect: last time u said that I was waiting half an hour

CandyCaneHigh: yea well this time i mean it

Utterly Perfect: ur lucky ur cute

CandyCaneHigh: i am arent i

TopDog: there together arent they?

MysteriousMagic: wanna help me break them up?

TopDog: wait y?

MysteriousMagic: cuz lizzie would be crushed

TopDog: isnt she ur friend??

Matchmaker: ignore her

MysteriousMagic: ur words wound me jojo

Matchmaker: whatever p ur fine

MysteriousMagic: well only cuz ur talking 2 me

TopDog: so u 2 r together as well?

Matchmaker: what! no!

FuckThisShitImOut: theyve been in love for 2 years but josie denies it and penelope plays it off as a joke cuz there both 2 scared

Matchmaker: i am not! there is nothing between us!

MysteriousMagic: ofc there is jojo! dont lie 2 urself! no1 can resist me after all

Baby Vamp: yea kinda like that…

FuckThisShitImOut: thank u both for proving my point



Baby Vamp has changed FuckThisShitImOut’s name to ‘GodOfSchemes’

GodOfSchemes: u werent 2 bad urself man

Baby Vamp has changed their name to ‘SlyFox’

GodOfSchemes: u were pretty sly

SlyFox: thanks dude

ObviousWolf: i helped 2 just an fyi 



CandyCaneHigh: hope im leaving u 4 ur ex

Utterly Perfect: srsly?

CandyCaneHigh: im sry but… romans my soulmate

Matchmaker: roman is every1s soulmate liz

MysteriousMagic: the way he saved us back there… uh

MysteriousMagic: maybe I can convince him 2 leave kaleb and have some fun w/ me ;)

Utterly Perfect: stop

GodOfSchemes: hes all urs sister it was a 1 time thing but damn… he is soo good like fuck man

Utterly Perfect: nope dont wanna hear this

TopDog: wat is happening

LanLan: hope and roman use 2 d8 but now she sees him as only a friend now but he took her virginity so…

MysteriousMagic: he was ur 1st? lucky!!

Utterly Perfect: im going 2 class

CandyCaneHigh: how bout we set up a threesome??

Utterly Perfect: im never talking 2 u again!

CandyCaneHigh: just think about it k??



ObviousWolf: i think lizzie is actually gonna leave hope for roman…

Utterly Perfect: yea so do i

LanLan: whats she doing?

Utterly Perfect: flirting… with him not me

MysteriousMagic: that bitch! i called dibs!

ObviousWolf: ok so… hope and i r the only 1s who dont wanna get in 2 bed with this guy is wat im getting…

Utterly Perfect: we broke up cuz hes like a brother 2 me so…

MysteriousMagic: im starting 2 c a trend with the people u d8

LanLan: omg yes!

ObviousWolf: She d8s peeps then they turn in2 her siblings!!

MysteriousMagic: so guess this means lizzies gonna be ur sister

Utterly Perfect: no nope i cant deal w/ this

Utterly Perfect: im leaving 

Utterly Perfect: u guys r just 2 much 4 me!

Utterly Perfect has left the chat

MysteriousMagic: that was overdramatic

LanLan: lol i wish the others were here 2 c this

ObviousWolf has added Utterly Perfect to the chat

Utterly Perfect: kill me now


CandyCaneHigh: fine i promise i wont bang roman unless its in a threesome!

Chapter Text



group chat ‘Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree’

SlyFox: i cant take it anymore!

SlyFox has removed GodOfSchemes from the chat

MysteriousMagic: intriguing

ObviousWolf: y do we keep removing peeps?

SlyFox: bc we have a serious problem!!

CandyCaneHigh: u have a crush on kaleb!!!

SlyFox: lizzie!!

Utterly Perfect: sry she stole her phone back

LanLan: this is perfect! now all we have 2 do is get rafael with some1 and we can go on group d8s!

Utterly Perfect: I am never going on a group d8

CandyCaneHigh: same. And not just bc i cant if hope doesnt but bc this group is 2 chaotic 

MysteriousMagic: now that u mention it… when was the last time we all hung out outside this chat

ObviousWolf: idk but were all gonna hang out tmw

TopDog: whats tmw?

LanLan: karaoke! u wanna come?

The Enchantress: wait… I dont have a so so y is ralf the only 1 that has 2 find some1?

Utterly Perfect: nothing! he just u kno forgot that u dont have any1 and stuff for reasons…

MysteriousMagic: hope! How many people did u tell!?

The Enchantress: tell what?

SlyFox: guys! gay panicking over here!!

CandyCaneHigh has renamed the chat ‘Gay Panic #2’

LanLan: throwback thursday!

TopDog: and it actually is thursday good job babe


Utterly Perfect: sing him a song tmw

MysteriousMagic: dont force the poor man

SlyFox: sing him a song?? nah thats way 2 emotional

CandyCaneHigh: urg boys

Utterly Perfect: says the girl who 1st told me she loves over a text

ObviousWolf: i remember that

SlyFox: stop getting distracted!!!

LanLan: ok ok so wat can we do

Matchmaker: just tell him how u feel 

SlyFox: wat if he doesnt like me back!!!

Utterly Perfect: sometimes u have 2 take a risk for love

MysteriousMagic: that was very poetic

SlyFox: o fuck have 2 add kaleb back

SlyFox has deleted 34 messages from the chat

SlyFox has added GodOfSchemes to the chat

GodOfSchemes: wtf man!?

GodOfSchemes: wat happened to the chat name?

GodOfSchemes: yd u remove me??

GodOfSchemes: wat were u hoes even talkin bout!?!?

Utterly Perfect: uhh...

CandyCaneHigh: boys

MysteriousMagic: girls

LanLan: straights

ObviousWolf: gays

TopDog: um…

Matchmaker: jfc

GodOfSchemes: … 

GodOfSchemes: whatever ive gtg

SlyFox: hehe bye!



MysteriousMagic has created a chat

MysteriousMagic has added Matchmaker, CandyCaneHigh, SlyFox, GodOfSchemes and LanLan to the chat

MysteriousMagic has renamed the chat ‘Shipping Crew’

GodOfSchemes: another 1

SlyFox: y peez??

MysteriousMagic: i have chosen this small group of people as the shipper crew

MysteriousMagic: these r the people who will 

MysteriousMagic: 1. help match make our friends

MysteriousMagic: 2. help out our friends if theyre having relationship problems

MysteriousMagic: and 3. make sure our friends in relationships r happy

CandyCaneHigh: u h8 me tho??

MysteriousMagic: that may b so but u r noisy u can keep us updated


CandyCaneHigh: fair

LanLan: y only us?

MysteriousMagic: I have studied ur actions and reactions when it comes 2 relationships and u r the best people 4 the job

Matchmaker: im the only always telling u guys 2 leave them alone??

MysteriousMagic: u shall keeps us in line

LanLan: sry when have I ever cared abt others relationships?

MysteriousMagic: maybe u havent but u can lurk and still care abt it

GodOfSchemes: im sry wat

MysteriousMagic: idk 

SlyFox: wat if 1 of us is having relationship trouble?

MysteriousMagic: then we kick them out of the group til its resolved

MysteriousMagic: so

MysteriousMagic has removed SlyFox and GodOfSchemes from the chat

CandyCaneHigh: o hell yea

Matchmaker: makes sense

MysteriousMagic: let us begin



private chat between CandyCaneHigh and MysteriousMagic

CandyCaneHigh: its been a while but ive got an update

MysteriousMagic: finally

CandyCaneHigh: ok so josie wont talk much abt it but she did say that the creep was still bothering her

CandyCaneHigh: she only replies every once and a while 2 tell them 2 stop

CandyCaneHigh: when i asked y she hadnt blocked him she said she couldnt she tried but it wouldnt work

MysteriousMagic: so hes some kind of hacker??

CandyCaneHigh: and if he could stop josie from blocking him…

MysteriousMagic: he could prolly find out where she lives… fuck!

MysteriousMagic: im coming over!

CandyCaneHigh: its 10pm

MysteriousMagic: if josies in danger im not just going 2 sit around!

CandyCaneHigh: shes not in danger mom and dad r rite across the hall and we share a room


CandyCaneHigh: I promise 2 call u if anything happens ok satan

MysteriousMagic: ok fine! just make sure nothing happens 2 her

CandyCaneHigh: urg just tell her how u feel already this is getting old

MysteriousMagic: yea yea im working on it




group chat ‘Gay Panic #2’

GodOfSchemes: karaoke day baby!!

Matchmaker: idk wat but something is going 2 go wrong tdy

Utterly Perfect: something always does

Chapter Text


group chat ‘Gay Panic #2’

MysteriousMagic: i expect every1 at my house by 6

GodOfSchemes: eXpeCT

SlyFox: “expect” lol

CandyCaneHigh: will u not let us in past 6 or something satan?

MysteriousMagic: well i wont b letting u in at all

Matchmaker: could u 2 go 1 day without arguing

Utterly Perfect: they cant ur sister literally texted me in the middle of a test ysd 2 tell me how annoying penelope was bc she sat in front of her???

Utterly Perfect: [lizziesrant.jpg]

CandyCaneHigh: im leaving u!

LanLan: uh can u even go a day without seeing each other???

SlyFox: nope they cant

Utterly Perfect: i h8 all of u

LanLan: nah u luv us

ObviousWolf: yea u love us 2 much 2 h8 us!!!

MysteriousMagic: u wanna fuck all of us!

Matchmaker: ANYWAY

TopDog: wat is happening??

CandyCaneHigh: welcome 2 hell

MysteriousMagic: so my house. karaoke. dont b late 

GodOfSchemes: cant wait!

MysteriousMagic: prepare urself lizzie!! ur gonna get wet hearin ur gurl siiiing

Utterly Perfect: do u ever shut up!



CandyCaneHigh: hobbit. bf of hobbit. wolf boi. where da fuck r yaa

SlyFox: dont mind her shes a lil drunkie

GodOfSchemes: so r u mg

Matchmaker: srsly tho guys where r u?

LanLan: sry we got a little hold up

ObviousWolf: wat he means is i found him and jed making out IN MY MOMS BED

SlyFox: dvnfvnmcvnrfjncv HAHAHA

LanLan: we said we were sorry!

CandyCaneHigh: we bout 2 statr singin beaches so hury p

GodOfSchemes: beaches????

Matchmaker: “beaches”

LanLan: “beaches” lmao

SlyFox: get ur cute asses ovr hear!!!

GodOfSchemes: hurry up

TopDog: sry guys we’re almost there



Matchmaker: fuck hope rly is a good singer…

GodOfSchemes: good? shes fuckin amazing! im getting hard

MysteriousMagic: told yall

SlyFox: yall lol

LanLan: do u c the look on lizzies face? Looks like she could orgasm just from hearing her voice…

MysteriousMagic: do u guys not take me seriously?

TopDog: her voice is gorgeous tbh

TopDog: and im saying this as a gay man

ObviousWolf: her voice is making me think i mite not b ace…

Matchmaker: rite!

GodOfSchemes: is she… crying?

MysteriousMagic: well duh i picked out the song!

Lanlan: it is very emotional…



SlyFox: LMFAO!!!!!!



MysteriousMagic: OK SO I WAS BUT STILL!

Matchmaker: guys! Stop yelling!

TopDog: I cant believe lizzie actually dragged her off tho… wasnt expecting that

ObviousWolf: y r u guys texting? We r literally rite next 2 each other???

GodOfSchemes: yea hoes! its my turn so ya better listen!



SlyFox: so uh…

TopDog: that was…

LanLan: yea…

GodOfSchemes: yd josie run away tho?

ObviousWolf: she finally had the girl of her dreams singin 2 her and she just… left?

Utterly Perfect: wait josie left??

CandyCaneHigh: if that she devil made my sister cry ill kill her!

LanLan: we dont kno wat happened

SlyFox: peez was singing this super romantic song 2 josie

GodOfSchemes: which like finally!

SlyFox: then josie jst… ran out??

LanLan: then penelope followed her and here we r

Utterly Perfect: shit…

CandyCaneHigh: she just ran out of the room…

GodOfSchemes: sry did we interrupt ur fucking?

CandyCaneHigh: we werent doing anything u pervs!

CandyCaneHigh: 1st of were still here just upstairs

CandyCaneHigh: and we were literally just talking!!

TopDog: about…


SlyFox: ok jeez gurl

LanLan: this has been 1 hell of a nite



private chat between MysteriousMagic and Utterly Perfect

Utterly Perfect: peny u ok?

Utterly Perfect: ur prolly w/ josie and cant talk but text me when u can

Utterly Perfect: im worried



MysteriousMagic: um have u uh already left?

Utterly Perfect: no

Utterly Perfect: every1 else already went home but im still here

MysteriousMagic: can u stay where u r? im coming home now

Utterly Perfect: ofc b wat happened P

MysteriousMagic: well the love of my life just told me she never wants to see my face again

Utterly Perfect: penny…



private chat between CandyCaneHigh and Utterly Perfect

Utterly perfect: I love you

CandyCaneHigh: wait what!?

Utterly Perfect: I’m sorry I didn’t say it before

CandyCaneHigh: is this like payback 4 1st saying ily over text bc i apologized like 10 times

Utterly Perfect: lol no! But i cant leave penelope and i needed u 2 kno that ilysm

CandyCaneHigh: josie told me wat happened…

Utterly Perfect: ik u h8 penelope liz…

CandyCaneHigh: I do

CandyCaneHigh: but i also know she loves my sister. she sucks at showing it. but she does love her…

Utterly Perfect: so what r we going 2 do?

CandyCaneHigh: we handle this 1 on our own bc i can not deal with those annoyances getting in the way

Utterly Perfect: ok yea… but whats our plan?


CandyCaneHigh: meet u in the park tmw at noon? we can plan then

Utterly Perfect: ok sure

CandyCaneHigh: and hope…

Utterly Perfect: yea?

CandyCaneHigh: ily 2. always have

Utterly Perfect: night lizzie

CandyCaneHigh: night

Chapter Text



group chat 'Gay Panic #2'

GodOfSchemes: so... we ever gonna talk about wat went down on friday??

ObviousWolf: u wanna b the 1 2 confront penelope?

SlyFox: ya hes gotta point

CandyCaneHigh: what do u idiots not understand abt a gc

TopDog: maybe there not online???

LanLan: hopeful thinking babe

GodOfSchemes: well do u kno wats happening

CandyCaneHigh: none of Ur business

SlyFox: so u do kno

Utterly Perfect: guys shut up. trying 2 focus here

LanLan: on wat?

Utterly Perfect: painting and my muse keeps moving!!

CandyCaneHigh: ok ok jeez

CandyCaneHigh: shut up guys im getting painted

TopDog: so they totally kno something

SlyFox: yep thats wat we got from that

GodOfSchemes: welp we gonna try and find out or wat?

LanLan: is that a good idea

SlyFox: is anything we do a good idea?

LanLan: fair point

ObviousWolf: yea thats tru

Matchmaker: if u guys r going 2 snoop do u have 2 suck at it?

MysteriousMagic: smh i expected better from u guys

GodOfSchemes: eh look whos back

Matchmaker: we never left

CandyCaneHigh: ty 4 finally talking! i was fucking dying over here!

Utterly Perfect: LIZZIE!!

CandyCaneHigh: jc hope

CandyCaneHigh: fbfnkrkxnrj

SlyFox: uhh

Utterly Perfect: sry i took her phone continue without us

ObviousWolf: lmao

GodOfSchemes: ok now tell us wats goin on

MyteriousMagic: after many hour of aruging

Matchmaker: 1 argument that lasted like 10 mins she means

MysteriousMagic: and some scheming bitches w/ guts who tricked us

Matchmaker: Lizzie and hope btw

LanLan: yep sounds about rite

MysteriousMagic: we have joined together as 1

Matchmaker: ffs penny! were together! she means were together!

GodOfSchemes: FUCKING FINALLY!!!!!!


SlyFox: my children!! ive been waiting for this day 4ever!!!

ObviousWolf: gotta say its about time

TopDog: um congrats u guys

Utterly Perfect: hope went 2 the bathroom so i stole her phone - lizzie

Utterly Perfect: anyway tell them our genius plan

MysteriousMagic: u trapped us in the park

Utterly Perfect: u coulda left

Matchmaker: no we couldnt! u 2 wouldnt let us!

Utterly Perfect: thats obviously a lie

SlyFox: lol

GodOfSchemes: "obviously"

MysteriousMagic: anyways we talked it out and here we r

Utterly Perfect: ur welcome

TopDog: u guys r rly something

LanLan: arent we tho



Utterly Perfect: im changing my passcode



group chat 'Shipping Crew'

CandyCaneHigh: so since my amazing plan of getting the 2 morons 2gether worked... y dont we just do it for the other pair of morons??

Matchmaker: 1st of all rude

Matchmaker: and 2nd of all the same plan never works twice

LanLan: shes got a point and if we take them 2 the park theyll be suspicious

MysteriousMagic: nice try tho elizabeth

CandyCaneHigh: fine then! any1 else have an idea??

LanLan: how bout we add mg back? he probably already knows wat were up 2 and it is him were trying 2 help??

Matchmaker: yea that could work

MysteriousMagic has added SlyFox to the chat

SlyFox: have u figured something out??

CandyCaneHigh: nope but ur gonna help us

SlyFox: im gonna help myself u mean

MysteriousMagic: potato potahto

CandyCaneHigh: either way u get a hot bf

SlyFox: jeez



group chat 'Gay Panic #2'

CandyCaneHigh has changed Utterly Perfect's name to 'DivineArt'


DivineArt: y do u do this

CandyCaneHigh: cuz i wanna show evey1 how talented my gf is duh 

CandyCaneHigh: also i had 2 stand in the woods 4 the whole day so...

MysteriousMagic: u dont look half bad here dude hope rly is a miracal worker

TopDog: did that take all day??

DivineArt: yep just finished up

LanLan: #proud

ObviousWolf: howd u learn 2 paint like that hope?

DivineArt: well my dad was a painter and he started teaching me b4 i could talk

MysteriousMagic: im proud 2 call u my ex fuck buddy

DivineArt: u kno u could just say best friend

TopDog: wait wat??

LanLan: dont get her started

MysteriousMagic: relax losers im in a happy relationship w/ the love of meh life

CandyCaneHigh: uve been d8ing 4 like 5 mins

ObviousWolf: were is Josie anyway?

CandyCaneHigh: idk im not home remember

TopDog: i saw her w/ mg abt 20 mins ago

DivineArt: where?

TopDog: they walked past the grill while i was working

MysteriousMagic: U WERE AT THE GRILL


TopDog: am i missing something here?

CandyCaneHigh: these idiots got themselves banned 4 a month

DivineArt: that was abt 2 weeks ago i think

ObviousWolf: 12 days actually

CandyCaneHigh: lol u counted the days!

ObviousWolf: shut up!



SlyFox: so… we have news…

Matchmaker: very unexpected news…

MysteriousMagic: oo sounds juicy! do tell

Chapter Text



group chat ‘Gay Panic #2’

MysteriousMagic: its been a day and i still cant believe it

Matchmaker: can we not talk about this

CandyCaneHigh: i agree

LanLan: u mean not talk about the fact that ur dad is banging the sheriff

DivineArt: u definitely did that on purpose


Matchmaker: im mortified

ObviousWolf: u tryin 2 get urself killed bro

TopDog: that was not a smart move babe

LanLan: gtg in2 hiding bai!

MysteriousMagic: lmfao

DivineArt: she actually is

DivineArt: [pennysbreakdown.mp4]


GodOfSchemes: yo is she ok?

Matchmaker: awe u look so cute P

DivineArt: now shes smiling like an idiot

DivineArt: [smilefest.jpg]

SlyFox: wat r u 2 doing anyway??

MysteriousMagic: rewatching season 4 of lucifer

DiveineArt: bc we like 2 make ourselves sad apparently

GodOfSchemes: season 4 is hella sad

TopDog: i havent had a chance 2 watch the last season yet… 

Matchmaker: dont!

CandyCaneHigh: srsly! DO. NOT. WATCH. IT!!

TopDog: ok…

LanLan: there being over dramatic

MysteriousMagic: OVERDRAMATIC!!!

CandyCaneHigh: HOW FUCKING DARE U!!!

DivineArt: wat have u done

GodOfSchemes: ur making a lot of mistakes 2da man



ObviousWolf: hope ur in a good hiding spot lan


LanLan: did any1 actually get a happy ending tho…?

DivineArt: uhh…

MysteriousMagic: wait did they??


Matchmaker: lol

GodOfSchemes: well linda and amenadiel got charlie back and arent taking him to heaven so… thats 1 thing

CandyCaneHigh: and ella put her necklace back on 

CandyCaneHigh: i mean god seems like a dick but like… she has her faith back?

SlyFox: and dan is starting 2 not be a douche anymore

ObviousWolf: well… not as much of a douche

DivineArt: wait… did maze return 2 hell 2??

MysteriousMagic: OMG UR RITE

GodOfSchemes: it was never answered

LanLan: she didnt rly have anywhere else 2 go since eve went off 2 find her self or whatever

SlyFox: also… wat abt the peeps who didnt kno abt lucifer?? he left and they didnt kno?? 

CandyCaneHigh: they kinda left out a lot of things didnt they?


GodOfSchemes: hurry up and watch it jed

TopDog: well u guys kinda just spoiled the whole think 4 me so i dont rly have 2 do i??

ObviousWolf: tru

Matchmaker: sorry…



group chat ‘Shipping Crew’

MysteriousMagic: i need a distraction

LanLan: lol u finish season 4?

MysteriousMagic: stfu!

SlyFox: lets get back to getting me laid!

CandyCaneHigh: urg now im picturing in my head

Matchmaker: thanks lizzie! now we all r

MysteriousMagic: ill give u something else 2 think abt jojo ;)

CandyCaneHigh: pls no

SlyFox: can we get back on topic

LanLan: i got an idea

MysteriousMagic: shoot

LanLan: mg just… asks kaleb out!

SlyFox: wtf dude??

Matchmaker: ur rly trying 2 piss every1 off 2da arent u?

LanLan: i dont mean out on a d8. just hang out like u always do and subtly hint at wanting 2 bone him

CandyCaneHigh: do u rly think that would work hobbit?

MysteriousMagic: its not actually that bad of an idea

SlyFox: rly peez?

MysteriousMagic: u go out on a “not d8” and by the end of the nite ull b making out

SlyFox: we hang out all the time tho whatll b different abt this time?

MysteriousMagic: the difference is this time we’ll b there 2 back u up

Matchmaker: i had a feeling u were gonna say that

LanLan: so were gonna follow them around all nite?

MysteriousMagic: yep and help things along

CandyCaneHigh: i can get behind this

SlyFox: thanks… i think

Matchmaker: o boy




private chat between CandyCaneHigh and MysteriousMagic

CandyCaneHigh: wake up evil 1!

MysteriousMagic: im not asleep

CandyCaneHigh: well good bc ive got news

MysteriousMagic: spill

CandyCaneHigh: so i went downstairs 2 get a drink. josie must have forgot 2 bring her phone 2 bed w/ her cuz i found it on the kitchen counter

CandyCaneHigh: it was blowing up w/ messages so i checked it and it was the creep again

MysteriousMagic: what did the creep say

CandyCaneHigh: more like wat did i say back

CandyCaneHigh: [myresponse.jpg]

MysteriousMagic: woah… not bad

MysteriousMagic: ur bitchiness came in handy 4 once

CandyCaneHigh: dont go getting soft on me park

MysteriousMagic: wouldnt dream of it

CandyCaneHigh: anyway he didnt answer so i think i scared him off

CandyCaneHigh: 4 now anyways

MysteriousMagic: cool text me if it starts up again but our work might b done here

CandyCaneHigh: yep thank god

MysteriousMagic: gn drama queen

CandyCaneHigh: nite satan

MysteriousMagic: lucifer*

Chapter Text



group chat 'Gay Panic #2'

GodOfSchemes: yo this chat has been dead 4 like 2 weeks

CandyCaneHigh: uh yea cuz we have lives outside our phones

LanLan: mm sounds fake

MysteriousMagic: ive just been annoying hope

DivineArt: 2. weeks. straight u guys

SlyFox: u mean 2 weeks gay

ObviousWolf: u 2 r flying back 2da rite?

MysteriousMagic: yep hopes family is all like "u cant miss 2 much school girls"

Matchmaker: y were u staying w/ hope 4 the holidays again??

DivineArt: bc her mom had 2 work

TopDog: on christmas? thats harsh

GodOfSchemes: anyways. im bored gimme something 2 do u guys

SlyFox: u can come over 2 my place and play video games

GodOfSchemes: dope b rite over



group chat 'Shipping Crew'

LanLan: go mg!

SlyFox: shut up nothings going 2 happen 2nite

MysteriousMagic: thats wat they all say



group chat 'Gay Panic #2'

LanLan: guys! our month ban at the grill ends tmw

Matchmaker: finally

GodOfSchemes: i was never banned so...

CandyCaneHigh: dont kno wat all the fuss is abt

ObviousWolf: u dont have 2 rub it in

TopDog: still cant believe u got urselves banned tho

SlyFox: it was all peez fault

MysteriousMagic: excuse you!?! it was not

Matchmaker: baby... u put alcohol in our drinks without telling us

DivineArt: definitely something penelope would do

MysteriousMagic: whatever!

LanLan: lmao




CandyCaneHigh: my brain officially hates me!

Matchmaker: she cant sleep so she woke me up now shes seeing if any of u guys r up

DivineArt: we just landed so

MysteriousMagic: guys! hope has her own private jet

DivineArt: 4 the last time its my aunt rebekahs not mine

LanLan: its so cool isnt it!

CandyCaneHigh: back 2 more important things. namely... me

MysteriousMagic: no... i dont think so

CandyCaneHigh: no1 cares wat u think evil 1!

MysteriousMagic: on the contrary. every1 cares

Matchmaker: i swear 2 god

DivineArt: y. just y

LanLan: i feel sry 4 u guys

Lanlan: ur always in the middle of there fighting lol

Matchmaker: ikr

DivineArt: tell me abt it

MysteriousMagic: she started it

CandyCaneHigh: she started it

MysteriousMagic: ha i typed it quicker then u

CandyCaneHigh: quality over quantity satan

DivineArt: 4 the love of... 

Matchmaker: srsly u guys? cut it out

LanLan: this is hilarious

CandyCaneHigh: o shut it hobbit


Matchmaker: ...

CandyCaneHigh: ...

MysteriousMagic: ...

LanLan: ...

DivineArt: so... nite u guys

MysteriousMagic: aha

CandyCaneHigh: yep

LanLan: gn

Matchmaker: cya at school

GodOfschemes: ty!



group chat 'Shipping Crew'

MysteriousMagic: now that im back we're gonna put our plan in2 action this afternoon

SlyFox: so soon?

CandyCaneHigh: do u want a bf or not?

SlyFox: i just thought id have a while 2 u kno… prepare

LanLan: we came up w/ this plan weeks ago mg...

Matchmaker: sometimes you've got to take a leap of faith

MysteriousMagic: c full words and everything

SlyFox: ...

SlyFox: ok fine! so how r u guys going 2 help exactly

MysteriousMagic: y i never thought ud ask

MysteriousMagic: u'll ask kaleb 2 hang out after school but wat he doesnt kno is that we'll b tailing u

MysteriousMagic: just do the things u normally do when u hang out and we'll b there 2 put a romantic spin on the whole thing

SlyFox: how?

MysteriousMagic: dont u worry abt that

CandyCaneHigh: and if all goes according 2 plan by the end of the nite ull have a bf

LanLan: and have a little fun along the way

Matchmaker: u dont have 2 worry abt anything apart from having fun mg

SlyFox: thanks. u guys r the best

CandyCaneHigh: we know

MysteriousMagic: we kno

LanLan: o i know

SlyFox: ...

Matchmaker: so modest smh

Chapter Text



group chat 'Gay Panic #2'

CandyCaneHigh has changed their name to 'BiMess'

BiMess: since its no longer christmas i thought i should change my username

LanLan: i just realized that rafael and penelope have only changed their usernames once

LanLan: and jed 2 but he hasnt been here as long

MysteriousMagic has changed their name to 'hot&feisty'

hot&feisty: now i have

GodOfSchemes has change ObviousWolf's name to 'AceHeart'

GodOfschemes: now ralf has 2

AceHeart: not bad tbh

LanLan has changed their name to 'DragonMaster'

DragonMaster: i felt like joining the fun

SlyFox: dragon master???

DragonMaster: uhuh. i had a dream once and i slayed a dragon!

DragonMaster: ...well ok hope slayed the dragon but... im keeping the name!

DragonMaster: also... lizzie and josies dad was there for some reason... ralf 2

Matchmaker: u have some rly weird dreams

DivineArt: y did i slay the dragon??

hot&feisty: i can c it

TopDog: so... should i change my name or...?

AceHeart: idefk anymore

BiMess: hope says ur all insane

DivineArt: LIZZIE

SlyFox: lol #calledout

GodOfSchemes: i thought u appreciated us hope

DragonMaster: just rip out our heart y dont ya

hot&feisty: i dont think ill ever recover from that blow

Matchmaker: drama queens

TopDog: y r u guys like this?

DivineArt: im never talking 2 any of u again

Bimess: u can try lmao

DivineArt: i hate u

BiMess: i love u

GodOfSchemes: i hate that i love u!!

AceHeart: o no

TopDog: wat??

hot&feisty: Don't want to, but I can't put

SlyFox: Nobody else above you

DivineArt: ftlg no!!

TopDog: wat is happening??

DragonMaster: its a mf sing-a-long!!!

Matchmaker: I hate you I love you

BiMess: hope h8s it

BiMess:  I hate that I want you

DivineArt: so u do it 2 annoy me

hot&feisty: pretty much yea

AceHeart: o well cant do anything abt it now

GodOfSchemes: u joined in last time dude

AceHeart: tru

AceHeart:  You want her, you need her

TopDog:  And I'll never be her

SlyFox: ehhh

DragonMaster: just when i thought i couldnt love u more

TopDog: dsngvienvopdfnf

BiMess: omfg

Matchmaker: was that...

hot&feisty: bloody hell



private chat between DivineArt and DragonMaster


DivineArt: dude did u srsly just tell jed u love him 4 the 1st time over text???


DivineArt: tru... but at least it wasnt an accident



DivineArt: then answer him!

DragonMaster: ew hope thats a terrible idea!!!

DivineArt: at least ur not texting in all caps anymore

DragonMaster: srsly hope WTF DO I DO

DivineArt: ANSWER. HIM.

DragonMaster: but hooope

DivineArt: ffs landon answer him or i swear-

DragonMaster: alrite! alrite!



private chat between DragonMaster and TopDog

TopDog: um so... did u mean wat u said??

TopDog: bc i wanna answer but um... i want 2 make sure u meant it 1st

DragonMaster: uh yea i uh... yea i meant it

TopDog: well in that case I love you to Landon

DragonMaster: wait really?!?!

TopDog: I know it hasn't been all that long but yeah, I love you. I think I have for a while now

DragonMaster: full sentences and everything.

DragonMaster: oh hang on 1 second hopes being a noisy little shit



private chat between DivineArt and DragonMaster

DivineArt: so? what happened??

DragonMaster: u just interrupted a moment hope

DivineArt: sorry not sorry

DivineArt: now spill!

DragonMaster: im rolling my eyes right now btw

DragonMaster: [whatyouinterrupted.jpg]

DivineArt: says the pot 2 the kettle

DivineArt: ur always asking abt lizzie asshole

DivineArt: but also im happy 4 u

DragonMaster: thx and as much as ily can i get back 2 my bf now???

DivineArt: sure but call me later

DragonMaster: will do



private chat between DragonMaster and TopDog

DragonMaster: sorry

TopDog: its fine xd

TopDog: do u wanna come over talk more in person

DragonMaster: yea yea id love 2

DragonMaster: im on my way over now

DragonMaster: and im turning my phone off

TopDog: good call i will 2 cya in a bit


group chat 'Gay Panic #2'

SlyFox has changed the chat name to ' Rule No.2. Answer Your Fucking Phone'

SlyFox: srsly ive called them both abt 10 times

DivineArt: Give them there space

BiMess: says u

DivineArt: Stop reading over my should-Hope you're going to get us killed!

Matchmaker: ???

DivineArt: Sorry I have voice-text on, I'm taking Lizzie home

BiMess: shes a horrible drive

DivineArt: Fuck you

DivineArt: Again? Who knew you had so much stamina

DivineArt: Shut up!

GodOfSchemes: tmi!!

BiMess: she turned it off

Matchmaker: i-i uh fuck

hot&feisty: poor baby

AceHeart: u alrite jo?

GodOfSchemes: yo josie!?

BiMess: fuck i broke my sister!!

SlyFox: josie.exe has stopped responding


Chapter Text



group chat ' Rule No.2. Answer Your Fucking Phone'

SlyFox: in just realized we have yet 2 plan how we take connor down!



Matchmaker: and u realized this in the middle of geo how exactly??

SlyFox: connors sitting in front of me being annoying and i thought "cant wait 2 take this guy down"

SlyFox: then it hit me that we havent planned his demise yet...

AceHeart: maybe we could i dont kno… plan this after class!



GodOfSchemes: u lot may not have but i certainly have

GodOfSchemes: u c while u hoes were playin around and shit

GodOfSchemes: I came up w/ the perfect plan 2 take connor (and dana as well) down



DragonMaster: explain quickly b4 the next bell

GodOfSchemes: ok so our raid last month was extremely helpful

GodOfSchemes: its simple rly: if connor steps out of line we threaten 2 tell the school all his dirt little secrets

SlyFox: thats it??

GodOfSchemes: well yea u uh... u dont like it??

SlyFox: no i do! ur plans r just usually a bit more complicated than that thats all

GodOfSchemes: well unlike u these idiots wouldnt b able 2 keep up w/ my brilliance

TopDog: u kno were rite here!?

DragonMaster: yea stop flirting and get 2 class

SlyFox: were not flirting and im already here!

GodOfSchemes: we were kinda flirting and i have a free period

SlyFox: fndkgjnxxlxfngm

TopDog: i think u broke him...

DragonMaster: u definitely broke him and get 2 study hall

GodOfSchemes: since when r u captain responsible??

DragonMaster: i dont want u 2 get detention 2da

GodOfSchemes: y???

DragonMaster: reason



group chat 'Shipping Crew'

BiMess: wtaf hobbit!?!?

BiMess: u couldve blown the whole operation

hot&feisty: "we were kinda flirting"!!!!!

Matchmaker: maybe u dont need our help after all

SlyFox: kaleb flirts w/ everything that moves it means nothing!

hot&feisty: i used 2 b like that

hot&feisty: but then i met jojo and she became the only 1 that mattered

BiMess: u should c how hard shes blushing

BiMess: [blushingbrunette.jpg]

BiMess: excuse me while i go baff

DragonMaster: well i think its adorable!

DragonMaster: and i also think that 2nite is going 2 go great

DragonMaster: also hope just sat down w/ the twins and i and was like "josie y r u blushing so hard??"

Matchmaker: shut up landon! 

Matchmaker: shes also wonder y were all on our phones can we focus on that please!?

hot&feisty: awe jojo ur so adorable! where r u I wanna come kiss u 4 being the most adorable thing in the universe

BiMess: no u will stay as far away from us as possible! i already feel the need 2 throw up!

SlyFox: guuuuyss! stop getting distracted!

DragonMaster: rite sry

hot&feisty: 1st things 1st have u asked kaleb 2 hang out 2nite?

SlyFox: ...

Matchmaker: well u should probably do that now then



private chat between GodOfSchemes and SlyFox

SlyFox: hey kaleb if ur not busy 2nite u wanna hang out?

GodOfSchemes: yea sure when and where?

SlyFox: how abt 4:30 we could meet at the park and decide wat 2 do from there

GodOfSchemes: dope cya there


group chat 'Shipping Crew'

SlyFox: ok its done

BiMess: proof?

SlyFox: bloody hell

SlyFox: [youhappy.jpg]

hot&feisty: ok then will meet at my house at 4 and will help u get ready

DragonMaster: operation: get MG a hot boyfriend is about to start! Get ready folks

Matchmaker: r u talking 2 us??

DragonMaster: no im talking 2 the readers

SlyFox: ???

BiMess: hes finally snapped... well I'll call the psych ward

DragonMaster: fuck off



group chat 'Rule No.2. Answer Your Fucking Phone'

DivineArt: um so... 1 of my friends rly wants me 2 add them 2 the gc...

GodOfSchemes: it depends... r they hot??

AceHeart: srsly smh

BiMess: r they annoying? bc i dont want 2 b stuck w/ more annoying bitches

DragonHeart: yea r they good company? do we kno them

DivineArt: yes... and I think ull all b very happy actually

DivineArt has added Roman Empire to the chat

hot&feisty: omg!

SlyFox: this is

BiMess: the best day. EVER!

Roman Empire: sorry for intruding, Hope has been smiling at her phone for awhile now and she never smiles so... wanted to see what the fuss was about.

GodOfSchemes: u hear that guys

hot&feisty: hope smiles!!

DragonMaster: awe I knew u loved us!

DivineArt: jeez u don't have 2 sell me out like that!

TopDog: srry im lost... who r u?

Roman Empire: I'm Roman, I used to go to your school but I transferred

Matchmaker: hope still talks 2 him bc he transferred 2 some private school her family runs

TopDog: if ur family runs a private school y dont u go there hope??

DivineArt: bc the kids there r fake and r shitty people in general

Roman Empire: well I feel hurt

DivineArt: not u of course

Roman Empire: I know, you've made it perfectly clear I'm the only non-shitty person there

Roman Empire: And I honestly agree with you. And if you weren't here to keep me sane, even if just on the weekends, I think I'd lose my mind

BiMess: so roman... would u prefer a winter or summer wedding?

Matchmaker: ignore her

hot&feisty: hey i called dips!

BiMess: fuck u satan i dont care abt ur "dips"

AceHeart: u do remember ur both in relationships rite

Roman Empire: This is going to be... interesting

DivineArt: u have no idea

Chapter Text



Group chat 'Shipping Crew'

DragonMaster: mg get the fuck out here and tell us wat happened!

BiMess: Yea we lost site of u

hot&feisty: spill the fucking tea bitch!

Matchmaker: What they mean to say is: did everything work out??

BiMess: no u mean that

DragonMaster: we mean: MG STOP IGNORING US

SlyFox: jeez woud y'all calm shut up im tryin' 2 sleep

hot&feisty: had a last nite did we ;)

SlyFox: We didn't fuck if thats wat u think

hot&feisty: damn it

Matchmaker: Are you together now??

SlyFox: no...

SlyFox: not really...

DragonMaster:not really?

SlyFox: well i told him i like him

SlyFox: and he told me he wasnt sure how he felt and wanted to figure some stuff out

SlyFox: so we might get together 1 say but we're gonna just be friends for rite now

BiMess: question: did we help at all!?

SlyFox: no u kinda ruined the whole evening tbh

BiMess: yeah thats wat i thought

Matchmaker: do we add kaleb back now??

hot&feisty: i suppose so...

DragonMaster has added godOfSchemes to the chat

GodOfSchemes: so uve finally come 2 ur senses and realize that im also the god of love!

DragonMaster:yeah sure lets go w/ that



group chat 'Rule No.2. Answer Your Fucking Phone'

hot&feisty: yo ralf we found u a strace buddy

AceHeart: a wat???

hot&feisty: a strace

BiMess: wtf u going on abt evil 1

DivineArt: by "strace" she means "straight asexual"

Roman Empire: Oh, I get it

hot&feisty: thank u!

GodOfSchemes: also u dont have 2 talk so proper dude

AceHeart: ok so who is it??

hot&feisty: its maya's brother ethan

hot&feisty: also he's hot

BiMess: maya...

BiMess: oh! the girl that found hope crying in the bathroom!

DivineArt: i wasnt crying!

BiMess: ...whatever u say

hot&feisty: anyway we ran in2 them and got 2 talking

AceHeart: yeah ik him. he was the best qb ive ever seen but now he cant play

AceHeart: didnt kno he was ace tho thats cool

hot&feisty: also every1 whos bi needs 2 meet maya cuz she is a fucking bisexual icon

DivineArt: not gonna lie, she kinda is

GodOfSchemes: she sounds dope u should add her

BiMess: u have her number rite babe?

DivineArt: i feel like we should have a 1 person per week rule

Roman Empire: yea am i not enough for u guys??

GodOfSchemes: eyyy there we go!

BiMess: will u never let me have a 3some!?

DivineArt: girlfriend for sale anyone want her?

hot&feisty: i knew this day would come!

hot&feisty: just throw her out w/ the trash

Roman Empire: those 2 do not get along do they

GodOfSchemes: nope

Ace: not 1 bit



private chat between DragonMaster and TopDog

DragonMaster: i need 2 bleach my eyes

TopDog: wat happened??

DragonMaster: i just walked in on Mr. Williams and Emma!!! #_#

DragonMaster: rip my soul


DragonMaster: IKR!!!!






DragonMaster: ...good point

TopDog: u ok baby??

DragonMaster: no

DragonMaster: idk if ill ever be ok again... not after seeing that

TopDog: wanna come over? 

DragonMaster: please!

TopDog: ill make sure theres lots 2 do so u wont even have 2 think abt 

DragonMaster: u r the best and ilysm

TopDog: ily2 even if u do have horrible luck



private chat between BiMess and hot&feisty

BiMess: we have a serious problem

hot&feisty: did the creepy stalker come back

BiMess: but worse

BiMess: because this time he's targeting me

hot&feisty: oh... well good luck bai!

BiMess: hold it rite there satan! ur gonna help me whether u like it or not!

hot&feisty: y should I??

BiMess: bc i said so

BiMess: and bc i live w/ josie so if he comes after me she could b in danger 2

hot&feisty: ...

hot&feisty: fine! 1st of all how'd he get ur number??

BiMess: idk he's a creepy hacker remember!?

hot&feisty: show me wat he said

BiMess: [thisguyisfuckingcreepy.jpg]

hot&feisty: I kinda feel sry 4 u elizabeth

BiMess: as u should

hot&feisty: since this guy clearly cant take no 4 an answer maybe we should try something else

BiMess: like wat??

hot&feisty: isnt it obvious?

hot&feisty: we hack the hacker