Papa, we go?
That’s the first thing Ben said when he walked into his sons bedroom, to check on his 3 year old, pressing an ice filled cloth to his busted bottom lip. He thought his son would be asleep, seeing as it was already 12am and plus, he already tucked Ben in at 8pm.
He pulled off the cold compress and took a seat on the edge of his son’s mattress. He peered into those scared grass green eyes, “Baby, I’m sorry. But, it’s not that simple”. Where would they even go? Doesn’t matter because Jace would always find them.
But his little one wasn’t having it this time. Ben folded his arms along his chest, pushing out his lips and narrowing his eyes, “But you promised, papa! You says we go if Jace gives you another boo boo!”
He couldn’t get over how much his son looked like his father right now. In fact, his son was a carbon copy of his dad.
His heart squeezed at that thought. He missed Dean so much, but he had to leave for a reason. He never really gave Dean the proper reason for leaving him, heartbroken. God. Dean must hate him so much right now.
“Papa?” He felt his son’s tiny hand cup his bruised cheek. “Please, no cry. Ben loves you”.
Oh how those innocent, green eyes made his heart stir with so much guilt and shame. How could he put his own child through this? He was a horrible papa. They couldn’t live like this anymore. At least, not his sweet baby. He pulled his son into his lap and hugged him close. He breathed in his son’s apple scented shampoo, choking out, “Ok baby. Papa’s going to keep his promise”.
Ben mumbled into his shirt, “We leaving papa?”
He kissed his son’s sandy blonde head, “Yes sweetheart. We’re leaving”.
They had to leave before Jace came back. They had to find someplace Jace wouldn’t find them. He closed his eyes and thought of that beautiful horse and sheep filled farmlands, near beautiful mountains covered in pine trees, with a nearby flowing creek and the freshest air you’ve ever inhaled.
Yes. It was time he took Ben Winchester home.
With whatever little money he had saved up, he took his son and their meagre belongings- hopping on a bus- with a one way ticket to Butte, Montana.
He felt a little relief flow through him when the doors to the bus closed and began its journey, away from this town filled with hurt, pain and heartache. He was just thankful that Jace hadn’t caught them leaving- he was probably drunk somewhere- buried in a woman.
He felt tears swell up in his eyes as his little one says, “Where are we going papa?”
“We’re going to stay with your grandpa and your daddy for a while”. If they welcomed them.
“I has a grandpa and a daddy!?” Ben’s eyes shone so brightly.
Again, guilt filled his heart. That look of happiness and excitement in his sons eyes just made him feel like the shittiest human, EVER! He forced a shaky smile, thumbing round circles on his son’s dimpled cheek, “Yes baby. You have a grandpa and a daddy”.
“Oh they will loves me! I’m adorable!” Ben clapped and bounced excitedly on his lap. Yes, the kid was definitely Dean Winchesters son.
He smiled through his sadness, “Yes they will, baby”. Though he wasn’t so sure about himself. Yeah again, no- because he had shattered Dean’s heart. All because he was a coward. He kissed his son’s forehead, “How about you get some sleep, baby. I’ll wake you up when we reach Butte, Montana”.
“Ok papa!” Ben stuck his thumb into his mouth, leaned into his chest and slowly fell off to sleep.
He let his tear crawl down his cheek. He knew he was taking a risk here- John and Dean could fight to have Ben removed from his care- on the grounds of being an unfit parent who deliberately neglected his sons safety. But, he knew, this precious being in his arms deserved a good life- a better life.
As long as Ben was safe- everything that followed wouldn’t matter.
He had promised his baby boy.
And he would keep his promise.