there was struggle in her every breath, but still there was a glow in her eyes, that perpetual bliss that passion brings once it touches someone's heart— something more than what jeongyeon could ever offer; or maybe that's what yoo jeongyeon thinks.
in nayeon's eyes, there was nothing better than being able to be with jeongyeon in her every waking moment. being stuck with her every hour of the day made every bruise, wound, and sprain worth it.
her breath was struggling, but she doesn't think that she could breathe without jeongyeon.
she finally flashed a smile and leaned closer to jeongyeon as she heard a click of the camera.
she flashed another pose, attempting to kiss jeongyeon, but jeongyeon dodged her attempt. there was a pang of pain in her heart, but she was steadfast. she endured six years of rigorous training, a day has not passed that she didn't cry during those times, yet she persisted through and now her dreams came to reality— a little bit of rejection from jeongyeon's part wouldn't hurt, right?
as nayeon's lips aimed for her cheek, jeongyeon thought about the six years that they went through. how nayeon cried each night, how nayeon longed for her arms every after a successful performance, and how nayeon's eyes would turn to full shimmer as they stared at seoul's night sky or whenever they strolled the streets of gangnam holding each other's hands. jeongyeon knew inside her that once nayeon's lips touch her cheek, she wouldn't be able to resist her.
a little mistake would be the downfall of everything they sacrificed for, and jeongyeon won't let that happen. nayeon's happiness and dreams are the reason why she's waking up each day. and so, jeongyeon tilted her head away. there was pain in nayeon's eyes, and jeongyeon couldn't help but feel guilty.
a little more time, nayeon. jeongyeon whispered as she saw nayeon's retreating figure. she thought, that perhaps in another life, or in another time things would have been perfect for the both of them.
she would have been able to kiss nayeon's hand in front of the people, without the pretension that they have to keep in front of the camera. she could even kiss her lips without fearing the impending end of contract that hangs over their head like a gallow cutting them off.
if things could go in jeongyeon's way, she would rather live somewhere with nayeon away from the glitz and glamour the idol life could offer. sure, there would be pain as they part the stages for good; leaving a lot of people in the process. but with nayeon by her side, jeongyeon thinks that nothing could ever tear her down.
but still, that remains as wishful thinking. she could see how much nayeon adores her life right now, and to take that away from her is being completely selfish in the process.
there's no time, jeongyeon. nayeon thought as she walked away from jeongyeon. nayeon likes to delude herself that she has a lot of time, but in reality she doesn't really have much. every slip of jeongyeon's name in her tongue is another step in tearing them apart.
she swears that she tries her best to part away from jeongyeon, but it seems that the more she does so, the more eager her body is to meld with jeongyeon's figure. heck, she couldn't even control her random blurts of i love you's to jeongyeon. she got a lot of reprimand for it, but it is surely worth it whenever jeongyeon sheepishly smiles after hearing it passing in nayeon's lips.
the company isn't dumb, they know whatever is going on between them. it isn't a huge secret when nayeon's eyes automatically search for jeongyeon in a room of people, or whenever jeongyeon's fingers unconsciously locks with nayeon's.
although they sure make the money coming in to the company, a little misstep would lurch them into the pits of shame.
few more months and a dating issue will break the internet, linking nayeon with some man who has absolutely no interest with her laugh or eyes, but gaining a huge benefit for pretending to do so.
nayeon wanted to enjoy this moment with jeongyeon while she could. for as the news breaks out, there would be a lot of things that they would be prohibited to do so. sure, it would bring a degree of comfort to jeongyeon, days or probably months without nayeon pestering her. but nayeon's heart was never at ease with the thought of tearing herself away from jeongyeon.
it is certain that the drug that drives nayeon is jeongyeon. like an addict without her fix, nayeon system looks for her, maybe too fervent that no intervention program could ever prohibit her from longing the beauty.
this thing isn't just a simple game of who chases who, but it's a case of fuck it, we could never be too happy, couldn't we?
jeongyeon knows that she brings pain to nayeon; her eyes show it too much. there's a moment of dull ache whenever she rejects her, tugging her lips to a frown. jeongyeon thinks what she could sacrifice for nayeon's happiness, and that didn't need a lot of thinking. jeongyeon knows that she would give up everything for nayeon, a flash of her smile and a drop of her tear would crumble jeongyeon's resolve at that very moment.
nayeon knows that jeongyeon's her happiness. sure, there is pain, but that is trivial whenever jeongyeon's hands caresses hers. call her selfish, but people could never understand her pain of having someone so close yet so far away. and so she tries, little by little, to diminish that distance.
yet there's still a long way to go, perhaps too long that her attempts remain futile.
jeongyeon doesn't know, nayeon thinks.
nayeon doesn't need to know, jeongyeon feels.