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come a little closer (let me taste your smile)

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They tumble into Shane’s room in a tangle of limbs, pressed so close together that they’re really more one person than two. Ryan sighs as he curls his fingers into the soft material of Shane’s sweater and tries to pull him even closer.

Shane chuckles into his mouth and kicks the door shut behind them, presses Ryan up against it as soon as it’s closed. He works his thigh between Ryan’s legs and Ryan shudders at the pressure against his dick, already hard from just a few sweet kisses.

“Shane,” Ryan moans, rolling his hips forward and gasping as pleasure thrums through his veins from the friction. His head lolls back against the door with a soft thunk; it exposes his throat to Shane, who leans forward to mouth at Ryan’s skin instead of replying. He bites down on the skin just over Ryan’s adam’s apple and sucks until Ryan whines.

“That’s it,” Shane breathes. He kisses the tender skin sweetly before moving to the juncture of Ryan’s neck and shoulder and digging his teeth in there, too.

Ryan writhes between Shane and the door, tightens his thighs around Shane’s leg and hiccups over a moan as he grinds against it harder. He could come like this, easily, as pent up as he is. They both know it. But just as Ryan opens his mouth to say so, Shane pulls away completely.

“Dick,” Ryan growls. His cock throbs in his sweatpants.

Shane rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling as he takes Ryan’s hands and tugs him towards the bed. Ryan goes willingly, watches as Shane sits down on the edge of the mattress. It’s only here, nearly two months after their first kiss, that Ryan feels himself pause.

For weeks now, it’s been full speed ahead between the two of them. Lips and teeth and tongues and wandering hands never once hesitating during all their nights together. But there’s something different about tonight. Ryan can feel it in the air; tonight is the night Shane is finally going to fuck him, and… well...

“Ry?” Shane’s voice is impossibly soft when it breaks through Ryan’s train of thought. They’re still connected by their hands, fingers linked together. “You with me?”

Ryan blinks and nods. “Yeah,” he says, quieter than he intended. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. Sorry.” He sways on his feet for a second. “Just— nervous.”

Shane’s grip shifts so that he can rub his thumbs over the backs of Ryan’s hands. It should be awkward, maybe, because of the angle. But it’s just sweet. “About what?”

“I mean.” Ryan swallows. “We’re going to…” He gestures between them wildly for a moment. “Right?”

Shane’s answering laugh is anything but mean. It’s not even teasing, really. It actually settles something in Ryan’s chest for the first time all night. “I was hoping so, yeah. But if you’re not ready, or you don’t want to—?”

“It’s not that!” Ryan rushes, and he’s not lying. It really isn’t that. It’s just. Just.

They’ve been building up to this for so long, ever since that night when they woke up tangled together in bed and made no move to separate.

“It doesn’t have to be weird,” Shane had whispered, his lips against Ryan’s forehead. Ryan had murmured some sort of agreement, about three seconds before Shane’s mouth found his in the dark.

But now it does have to be weird. Now Ryan has to make it weird. At the very least, it’s going to be a Thing. A Thing that will have to be discussed, that will almost certainly ruin the mood, and—

“I lost you again,” Shane says with a toothy grin that makes his eyes crinkle in that way that makes Ryan’s heart skip a beat. Ryan lets his eyes close for a second as he collects his thoughts, but Shane beats him to the punch. “C’mon, don’t tell me you’re a virgin.”

Ryan can tell by the tone in his voice that it’s a joke, meant to lighten the mood in the way that one of Shane’s stupid comments normally would. Except it’s not a joke to Ryan, and he can’t quite help the way that his body stiffens up.

A small intake of breath is the only indication Ryan gets that Shane is connecting the dots laid out in front of him. When he cracks one eye open, Shane is regarding him with a look that can only be described as totally and completely confused.

“All this time,” Shane says, but pauses like he’s trying to figure out how to continue. “You never said anything. And, Ryan, we’ve been around the block quite a bit already…”

“I mean.” Ryan lets out a heavy breath. “I’m not a virgin, I’ve just. Never been with a guy.” Ryan chews on his bottom lip for a second before he thinks to say, “Before you, I mean.”

“Oh.” Shane’s eyes flick between Ryan’s, expression looking for all the world like something just short-circuited in his brain. “Is this okay? We don’t have to, you know, just go for it.” He clears his throat and his grip on Ryan slackens like he might pull away. “We could—?”

“Dude.” Ryan pins Shane with a look. He squeezes his fingers around Shane’s to keep them in place. “You’re really going to make me tell you that I’m sure about wanting your dick in me?”

Shane looks understandably startled by the words, stuttering over what sounds like the beginning of an apology before Ryan takes pity on him and shushes him gently. With a grace that surprises even Ryan, he slips into Shane’s lap, arms winding around his neck.

“I’ve thought about it,” Ryan says— softly, like he’s telling Shane a secret. “So much. And it’s not, like, a dude thing. It’s just a thing. A thing I’m nervous about, because it’s new and scary, but also something I’ve wanted for-fucking-ever.”

“Yeah?” Shane’s grinning like he just can’t help himself. Ryan smacks him lightly on the back of the head for it before he kisses him sweetly.

“Yeah,” he says against Shane’s lips.

Shane’s lap has quickly become one of Ryan’s favorite places to be. As much as he loves to rib Shane for being a human skyscraper, he also can’t deny that being made to feel so little definitely does something for him.

As if cued, Shane’s annoyingly large hands come to rest on Ryan’s hips, thumbs slipping under his tee, and Ryan’s mouth falls open in a moan. Shane takes the opportunity to lick into his mouth, hands sliding up further until he’s rucked Ryan’s shirt up to his chest. Reluctantly, Ryan drags himself away from Shane’s lips, lifts his arms over his head so Shane can take his shirt all the way off.

“Jesus,” Shane says, eyes roaming over the skin that’s been exposed to him.

“Shane.” Ryan shakes his head. “You’ve literally seen me naked before.”

Shane blinks a few times before he meets Ryan’s eyes again. “I know,” he says. “How lucky am I?”

Ryan can’t help the grin that tugs at his mouth as he leans in to kiss Shane again, slow and sweet like honey. Shane smiles back, wide enough that the kiss turns messy and they pull away laughing. But only for a moment before Shane is leaning in again, bypassing Ryan’s mouth this time.

“God, I like you so much,” Shane says between kisses trailed along Ryan’s jaw, down his neck, over his collarbones.

Ryan moans and nods nonsensically. “Like you so much, too,” he says. “Might even love you if I’m not careful.” It’s not exactly how he pictured telling Shane, but— nothing about their relationship has been conventional so far. Why change that now?

Shane sucks in a breath. “Oh,” he says. He looks almost disappointed when he pulls back to look at Ryan, a small frown playing on his lips. “Were we supposed to be careful? 'Cause. I passed careful a long time ago. I’m all in, baby.”

Any amount of panic Ryan had felt at the look on Shane’s face is immediately replaced by overwhelming fondness (and the tiniest bit of irritation). “You dick,” he says, no heat behind his words.

Your dick,” Shane corrects him. “That you loo-oo-oove.” He sing-songs the last bit, looking far too pleased with himself.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ryan replies. “Don’t make me regret it.”

It’s almost too easy to fall back into kissing Shane, Shane’s tongue in his mouth and Ryan’s fingers working the buttons of Shane’s shirt. He’s become kind of an expert in undoing buttons in the time he’s been with Shane, since the big guy has an unhealthy love of button-ups, even when it’s just the two of them having a movie night.

He gets the shirt undone halfway before he gives in to the urge to kiss at Shane’s chest. It’s broad and smooth and more muscular than Ryan had ever noticed before they started dating. Strong. It makes something ache inside Ryan, and he grinds his hips into Shane’s until the other man groans underneath him. It’s a guttural sound, raw and wanting. It makes Ryan’s hips stutter.

“Do you have— stuff?” Ryan asks, breathless.

Shane smirks. “Got all kinds of stuff, Ry. Gonna have to be more specific.”

“Oh my god,” Ryan says, both surprised and not that Shane is like this, even with sex on the table. “Lube, Shane. Do you have lube?”

“‘Course I do.” Shane turns them easily to deposit Ryan on the bed, and Ryan goes a little dizzy at the manhandling. “Just a sec.”

Shane gets out of bed to dig in his nightstand and Ryan misses his warmth immediately. He works on getting the rest of his clothes off to distract himself, and also to relish the sharp intake of breath he gets when Shane looks over and sees Ryan in all his glory.

Ryan knows the pretty picture he makes: tanned and toned, spread out on Shane’s bed, cock hard and curved against his belly. He knows Shane’s mouth is watering. He knows how badly Shane wants him. He wants Shane just as bad, and he knows Shane knows that, too.

Shane flails as he unbuttons the rest of his shirt and tugs it off, leaving it in a heap on the floor with his chinos and boxers and socks before climbing back into bed to settle between Ryan’s thighs. He dips his head to kiss Ryan, his lips and his nose and his chin, mouth drifting to his jaw and down his throat to the dip between his pecs. He pauses, and turns his head to the side, breath ghosting over Ryan’s nipple.

“Want me to?” Shane asks, and he doesn’t have to clarify.

Ryan arches his back and puts his chest on display with a soft whine. “Please?”

Shane wraps his lips around Ryan’s nipple instead of answering. He sucks and bites and drags the flat of his tongue over it until Ryan is squirming and whining, “Too much,” and then he goes a little longer. This is something Ryan has always known he likes, and he hadn’t been shy giving Shane that information. He did it on the show, for fuck’s sake— it doesn’t get less coy than that. Ryan’s fingers wrap in Shane’s hair as he switches to the other nipple and gives it the same treatment.

He doesn’t pull away until Ryan’s chest is red and raw and his nipples are throbbing pleasantly. Ryan’s cock leaks onto his stomach. He feels like a mess, and he absolutely loves the way Shane is looking at him.

“Shane,” he croaks softly, reaching out with one hand to draw the other man in. “Need you,” he mumbles into their next kiss. “Please.”

“Yeah, okay,” Shane agrees, fumbling in the sheets for the lube. There’s the click of the cap, then the soft noise of Shane dribbling some onto his fingers. “Have you ever—?”

“Yeah.” Ryan doesn’t hesitate. He isn’t embarrassed. “Yes, to myself. Lots of times.” After a moment, “Most recently, thinking about you.”

Shane sucks in a breath like he’s been burned and his cock twitches against Ryan’s thigh. “Ry…”

“What?” Ryan looks up at Shane with wide, innocent eyes.

“I know I’ve said it a thousand times before, but I really do think you’re gonna be the death of me, Ryan Bergara.”

Shane doesn’t give him the chance to respond before he’s pressing two fingers against Ryan’s hole. Ryan sighs and spreads his legs. It’s easy to open up to Shane like this, he’s found. He’d trust the other man with his life, it’s easy to trust him with all of this, too.

“Go ahead,” he says when Shane makes no move to press in. He nuzzles his nose against Shane’s cheek. “I’m ready.”

“Right,” Shane says, like he’s suddenly remembered where he is.

One of Shane’s fingers presses inside and it feels like the wind has been knocked out of Ryan. He’s taken his own fingers before, and a variety of toys, but this feels— different. Maybe it’s the fact that Shane’s fingers are longer and the angle isn’t the same. Maybe it’s the way Shane looks at him, like he can’t believe Ryan is real. Maybe it’s just the fact that it’s Shane.

Either way, Ryan has to bite his bottom lip on a whimper as he rocks down against Shane’s finger, keeping Shane close with an arm around his neck and kissing him between moans. One finger turns to two and three, and Shane looks down between them where his fingers disappear into Ryan.

“Shit,” he says softly. “Fuck, Ryan, I wanna—?”

“Do it,” Ryan says. “Please, Shane, want you inside me.”

Shane nods nonsensically and reaches for the lube again, but Ryan grabs it before he can.

“Let me,” he says, squeezing some into his palm. He reaches between them as Shane pulls his fingers out and wraps his own hand around Shane’s dick. “Jesus,” he mutters. “Of course the first guy that’s going to fuck me is fucking hung.”

“Ryan,” Shane warns, hips stuttering forward.

“Sorry, sorry,” Ryan says, though he doesn’t feel very sorry. He jerks Shane off a few times, just for good measure, before he drops his arm back to the bed and spreads his legs.

When Shane presses in, it’s like time stops.

Partly because there’s something to be said about how intimate this whole thing is, with someone Ryan loves, but also because Shane really is big. It feels like it takes ages for the head of his cock to push past the ring of muscle, but once it does, it’s an aching stretch that seems to go on forever. It’s not entirely unpleasant, but Ryan does have to hold his breath as Shane moves forward inch by inch.

“Tell me if you need me to stop,” Shane mutters, mouth next to Ryan’s ear. “Don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Please,” Ryan says, strained. “I can take it.”

“I know you can.” Shane smiles and kisses him sweetly. “But tell me if you need me to stop.”

Ryan nods this time and lets Shane pepper kisses over his neck and chest as he slides home. Once he’s fully seated, Shane pauses and lets Ryan adjust, tongue trailing through the dip between Ryan’s collarbones.

“You’re so beautiful,” Shane says lowly. “Shoulda eaten you out and opened you up that way.”

Ryan gasps; the idea makes him melt against the mattress. “Next time,” he says, and means it.

“Yeah, but this is your first time,” Shane reminds him. “I’m supposed to be pulling out all the stops, remember?” Ryan rolls his eyes.

“Don’t act like this is a thing for you.” But it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to read the look on Shane’s face. “Oh my god, this is totally doing it for you. The whole first time thing.” He laughs a little, but he can feel Shane’s cock in him when he does, and it dissolves into a moan.

“It’s not not a thing for me,” Shane agrees.

“Oh my god,” Ryan gasps, a mixture of exasperation and pleasure as Shane pulls out a little and rocks back inside. He does it a few more times before Ryan finds his voice again. “You’re ridiculous.”

“You already knew that. Now shut up and let me fuck you.”

Ryan laughs a little but nods and lets his head loll to the side as Shane picks up the pace, pulling out nearly all the way only to slam back inside a moment later. It effectively rattles all the bones in Ryan’s body, and he calls out Shane’s name.

“That’s it, baby,” Shane says. It should sound ridiculous, maybe, but Ryan can only whine in response. “Doing so good for me.”

Shane’s hands suddenly appear in Ryan’s, linking their fingers and dragging Ryan’s arms up above his head. He holds them there, pinning them to the mattress as he bumps up against Ryan’s prostate on every other thrust. Ryan can only moan and whimper as Shane takes him apart piece by piece.

“Shane,” he says, wrapping one leg around the other man’s waist. “Shane, close, I’m close.”

“Yeah?” Shane releases one of Ryan’s hands to reach between their bodies and wrap his fingers around Ryan’s cock. Ryan’s leaking precome like a faucet, and it slicks the way as Shane strokes him in time with his thrusts. “Come on then, Ry, come for me.”

And Ryan does, spilling over Shane’s fist and onto the growing mess on his stomach. He cries out loud enough to rattle the walls, a jumble of Shane’s name and a few choice curse words. Shane isn’t far behind. Ryan clenches down on his cock and he’s done for, spilling deep inside Ryan with a loud groan.

“Ryan,” he says as his hips stutter and jerk. “Baby, holy shit.” He gives a few more tiny thrusts, pressing his come even deeper into Ryan, before he goes still. “Fuck.”

“Mmm,” Ryan agrees, squeezing Shane’s fingers where they’re still laced with his.

Shane pulls out slowly, like he’d rather stay inside Ryan all night than have to move. Ryan can’t deny that he shares the sentiment a bit, feeling bereft and empty with Shane laying next to him.

“We should shower,” he says, turning to lay his head on Shane’s chest.

“Yeah,” Shane says through a yawn, arm coming up to wrap around Ryan’s shoulders.

“I’m serious, Shane.” Ryan can feel come and sweat and lube dripping down his thighs.

“I know you are,” Shane says. “Just, five minutes. I want to enjoy the afterglow, or whatever.”

Ryan snorts and Shane laughs, too. There’s a minute or two of comfortable silence— during which Ryan is waiting for Shane to start snoring so he can smack him awake— before Shane speaks up again.

“So?” he asks.

“So?”

“How was it?” Shane turns his head to look down at Ryan. “Your first time.”

Ryan doesn’t bother arguing that it wasn’t truly his first time. He leans up to kiss Shane, instead, one hand around the back of his neck. “It was good. Really good.”

“Would you say it was almost perfect?” Shane prods, like he’s taking mental note of Ryan’s answer.

“Let’s not get crazy,” Ryan says, but he’s smiling. He cards his fingers through the hair at the back of Shane’s head. “Yes, I would say it was almost perfect.”

“Good.” Another moment of silence, and then, “I meant to say it back, you know.”

“Say what back?” Ryan asks, even though he knows.

“That I love you.” Shane gives him a serious look, reaches up with one hand to cup Ryan’s cheek. “I love you, Ry,” he says again.

Ryan feels like a piece of him has fallen into place. “I love you, too. Now—” He gets up on his knees and drags Shane with him. He can hear Shane’s knees and elbows pop as he rises, and Ryan gives him an apologetic grimace. “Come get in the shower with me.”

“Alright, alright.” Shane lets Ryan pull him to his feet and towards the en suite. “But don’t be offended when my apartment’s wonderful water pressure inspires me to serenade you with my c-minus vocal range.”

Ryan rolls his eyes but he’s grinning. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”