He looked up at the sky and saw grey. What a gloomy day it was. He knew where he should be at the moment but it wasn't where he wanted to be. Everything about that day had been anything but enjoyable. There was yelling and cursing and words said that in any other instance he would have never even thought of saying. But he had been angry, and anger blinds people from a lot of things, namely the love and affection they might hold for a boy who always finds a way to be annoying, though he would never admit that said boy's actions never really irritated him as much as they made his heart flutter.
And that thought right there is what makes him groan in despair. How on earth could he be so stupid as to only realize his true feelings after he already said some of the harshest things he has ever said to anyone. How on earth does one act like such a douche bag to the only person that makes them feel like they're on cloud nine any time they're around.
Standing in the middle of the sidewalk just outside his dorm, Mark ponders on running away, running as fast as his legs can take him, hopefully to a completely different reality.
He doesn't want to be here in this emotional hell he created for himself, doesn't want to face the fact that the longer he stands out here, the farther away the chances of him getting Haechan back get, until eventually they will have slipped out of his grasp completely.
He knows that he was being unfair and petty, but the thought of Haechan clinging to anyone other than him riled Mark up to no end. Thinking back to that argument, though, he also knows just how much he had been hurting his best friend, and the imaginary hole in which Mark wishes he could bury himself in grows bigger and bigger.
Mark feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and contemplates not answering, but his day has already been bad enough, one phone call couldn't make it any worse.
He reaches in his pocket and pulls out the device, checking the caller ID. A familiar name is displayed across the screen so Mark slides his finger to answer the call.
"Hi Jaehyun hyung."
"Mark! I've been trying to call you for so long. Where are you and why is Haechan in his room crying?"
And if that didn't make Mark's heart hurt like crazy.
"I went out to get some air. Me and Hyuck had a fight and I didn't feel like staying in the dorms." Mark replied.
"Well I don't give a crap about what you didn't feel like doing. Donghyuck is crying and you aren't here, and from what I can piece together the likelyhood of this whole situation being your fault is about ninety-five percent."
More like a hundred percent if we're being truthful.
"Look, I was being a complete jerk back there so I doubt Hyuck wants to even look at me right now. I said some really mean things, hyung, and if I had stayed in that dorm my judgement would have been way too clouded by anger for me to even think about apologizing."
There was silence on the other line.
"Mark, where are you?"
"I already told you, I went out to get some-"
"Air, I know. But that's not what I'm asking you. Where exactly are you?"
Mark sighed. He really didn't feel like being dragged back into that dorm, but he was right outside and they would find him quickly enough.
"I'm right outside the dorm. Didn't feel like walking too far away."
"Well, how convenient for me. Doyoung is going to take care of Hyuck. Wait there while I come down and get you. We need to talk."
Great. A talk.
"Fine. Hurry up, though."
Jaehyun hung up and Mark was left with his own thoughts again.
He didn't want to talk about his feelings with Jaehyun, but he knew that was exactly what was about to happen, because Jaehyun was always the wise guiding figure when it came to things like this, and no matter how reluctant you seemed to be, he was bound to get the information he wanted out of you.
So Mark stood there and waited, though he didn't wait long because in a little less than two minutes his hyung was walking towards him in a thick grey sweater. Guess grey is the mood for today.
"Let's walk." Is all Jaehyun said before he started down the sidewalk.
Mark was startled but jogged to catch up.
"So, what's up with you and Haechan?" Jaehyun asked, cutting right to the chase.
"It's hard to explain." Mark replied, looking away and stuffing his hand in his sweater pocket.
Jaehyun scoffed, "I doubt that. You may not realize it but you two really are a lot more obvious about your feelings than you think." Jaehyun breathed out and watched as his breath turned into a small cloud and spiraled up into the air. "So tell me what's going on."
Mark rubbed a hand down his face. He was tired.
"I don't know what to tell you, hyung. I just got mad at him for no good reason, talking about crap like him spending too much time with Renjun. I don't even have the right to tell him who he can and can't hang out with! But there I was yelling at him about always wanting attention, always being clingy with everyone to the point where he just seems like a-" Mark stopped himself, his insides churning at the thought of the words he had spat in Donghyuck's face.
Jaehyun noticed this and nudged Mark's side, "Like a what, Mark? You know I'm the last person to judge any of you guys."
Of course Mark knew this, but it didn't make his next words any easier to say.
"I told him that he was acting like an attention whore, that he automatically throws himself on the first person who's willing to look at him for more than a second." Saying it out loud really made Mark hear how disgusting his behavior was.
"I see. Well I'm not going to lie to you, if I were in Hyuck's shoes I probably wouldn't want to talk to you right now either. But as someone who has known you for a while, I know that you didn't mean that." Jaehyun said. He was still looking up, a thoughtful look swimming in his eyes.
"But what you said back there isn't what I'm looking to find out about right now. I want to know how you feel, Mark."
"About Donghyuck?" Mark asked.
"Yes," Jaehyun chuckled, "about Donghyuck."
Mark didn't even need to think about that one. "I don't know if I can call it love, but it's probably something close to it. When I think about him I smile the biggest and it makes me happy to see him happy. I still get possessive when I see him close with other people, but I know now that it isn't right for me to claim him like that. A good relationship has give and take, but before all I was looking for was take. I didn't realize that I was being unfair to him when I would make him jealous, only because he decided not to deal with me constantly rejecting his affection one day. But it isn't that I don't want his affection, it's just that I don't know what to do when he gets so close to me. With the others I can handle it because I don't feel anything for them, but with Hyuck just his hand on my thigh makes my body shake. And I'll act so cold towards him sometimes because I don't want to blatantly show how much he affects me, but all it does is make me seem like the worst friend ever, though I probably deserve that title now. I know I should apologize but I don't think I can face him."
Jaehyun finally looked down at his dongsaeng, a sad smile gracing his lips.
"Young love, huh? Hey, have I ever told you about my friend back in highschool? The one who disappeared in senior year?"
Mark shook his head.
"Well, he was a bit of a cliche jock at times, girls falling at his feet and sports coaches worshipping the ground he walked on. Some of his popularity would get to his head and he would have these flings with two girls at a time, neither of them ever saying anything because he was the 'popular' boy and just being able to get with him was good enough. Me and my other friends were constantly trying to snap him out of it, telling him that it wasn't right to toy with people like that but he never listened. Summer rolls around and he gets this job working at a community center because his parents wanted him to learn to be a better person. After a few weeks he meets this girl and she was one of the prettiest things you've ever seen, at least that's what he says. They start hanging out more because the girl had also started working at the center, and it was like a match made in heaven. Not only was there great chemistry, but their friendship was super strong. Me and my other friends thought that she was going to be the one to finally ground him and snap him out of his jerk phase, and it nearly happened too, but the last month of break is when it got bad. They had already established a relationship when my friend started becoming flakey. They would make plans and then at the last minute he would cancel. She would ask him to do something for her and then later she would find out that he had completely forgotten about it. I immediately assumed the worst and asked him if he was seeing another person, and what a surpise it was that he wasn't and was only being that way because his parents had found out about his relationship and didn't approve.
"I told him that he should talk to his girlfriend and be honest but he refused, telling me that she wouldn't understand and get mad. I kept pressuring him to do it but he was insistent on keeping his mouth shut. So, after almost two weeks of him constantly letting her down, they got into a fight. She yelled at him about how he was never there for her anymore and he yelled at her saying she didn't understand his situation. They broke up after that, but the guilt started knawing at my friend until he really couldn't take it and he left his job at the center. I wanted to feel bad for him, but he didn't want to communicate like a proper boyfriend would and it was his ultimate downfall. To this day I don't know where he went in senior year, but I have no doubt in my mind that he still thinks about that one girl."
Mark didn't understand why Jaehyun had told him this and his hyung noticed.
"Mark, I'm telling you this because I want you to understand what running away does. That girl was the best thing to ever happen to him and he let her go. I know my friend wasn't just keeping his situation from his girlfriend because she wouldn't understand. He was afraid, most likely of his parents and revealing what they thought about the girl. Had he been honest and communicated, the outcome might have been different. But he ran away. I don't want you to run away."
And wow, sometimes Mark forgets how great Jaehyun's advice is, because he can't help but have this rising urge to turn back and go to the dorms. He can't lose Haechan now. He won't lose him now.
"I think I know where I need to be right now, hyung." Mark said, ceasing his steps.
Jaehyun smiled at him softly and clapped a hand on his shoulder, "Go get your boy."
With that Mark dashed off, ready to face the boy he fell for.
Doyoung carefully slipped out of Donghyuck's bed, making sure that the cover was securely wrapped around the younger boy since he was soundly asleep. Doyoung, after making sure that Hyuck didn't stir much, tiptoed across the room until he reached the door, slowly pulling it open. As he slippped into the corridor his heart almost stopped when he span around to see Mark right behind him.
"Jesus- don't scare me like that!" He hissed in a low voice, mindful of the boy on the other side of the door.
"Sorry, hyung," Mark said while holding in a laugh, "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to talk to Hyuck."
"Well you're out of luck because he's sleeping right now. Besides, even if he wasn't I highly doubt he would be in the mood to talk to you. You were a pretty big jerk two hours ago." Doyoung sighed.
Mark cringed at that. A nice stab at an open wound.
"I know. Would you mind if I at least went in there to talk to him for a few minutes while he's sleeping?"
Doyoung shrugged, "I mean, that's lowkey creepy but I trust you enough and believe that you love him enough not to hurt him a second time." He smiled a knowing smile. "Like I have no doubt Jaehyun has said to you already, 'Go get your boy.'"
Mark smiled at the older boy gratefully and pushed open the bedroom door to reveal a lump under the covers.
"Hey, Hyuckie." Mark said once he reached the bed.
Said boy only groaned and shifted slightly.
"So I guess before I do anything else I should apologise. There are so many things I want to say sorry for. I'm sorry for yelling at you today. You didn't deserve that. I was angry because I realized that maybe you wouldn't always be there for me, that you could be closer to someone else, that I could lose you. It was a selfish thought, I know, but it didn't make me any less afraid. I yelled and yelled, and said things that I'm so so sorry for saying.
"And I'm sorry that I've never thought about what my actions might have been doing to you. I'll ignore you and joke around about things that I know get to you, but I won't apologise for it because in my mind I think that I'm doing the right thing by keeping my distance, that if I continue to fall into the way you hug me and hold my hand that something that I've been so afraid of would happen. I'm sorry that you don't have someone better to call your best friend."
Donghyuck was sitting up in his bed now, but of course Mark, who's back was facing him, hadn't noticed.
"I'm sorry that I kept running away from my feelings. I'm sorry that it's taken me this long to realize how crazy in love I am with you. And just in case you're listening in that dreamland of yours, I really do mean it. I love you, Lee Donghyuck. I've never felt as strong about anyone as I do about you."
A few tears slipped down Mark's cheeks but he couldn't find it in him to wipe them away. Still, two hands came up to his face and wiped the tears, and that's when Mark realized that Haechan was awake.
He looked to his side and was met with the most gorgeous eyes he's ever had the pleasure of looking at up close.
Haechan smiled at him, "That was probably the sweetest thing you have ever said to me. But don't worry, I forgave you the moment Jaehyun told Doyoung that you were outside the dorms. I know you didn't mean what you said, although it still hurt to hear you say it. And you were never a bad friend to me. I know that it's hard for you to always express how you feel, and even if there were times where the things you did made me sad, I got over it."
He leaned in and rested his head on Mark's shoulder.
"And about that being in love with me part, "He sighed, " I love you too.You have no idea how good it feels to finally tell you that. Been keeping it in for three years."
Mark's eyes widened and he turned his head to look at the other boy, "Three years! Damn, that must've hurt like a butt cheek on a stick."
Donghyuck laughed, "Oh it did. But just having you around was enough to make me not go completely insane."
Mark hummed, wrapping an arm around Donghyuck's shoulders.
"I guess for a while I've been going insane, but it was this weird type of madness where I didn't really know why I would feel angry or sad because I never wanted to dig deep enough, look myself straight in the face, and realize that there was a gaping hole in my heart because you weren't there to fill it.
"But there is absolutely no reason for me to feel that way now because I have you to call my boyfriend."
Donghyuck choked on air.
"B-boyfriend? So we're boyfriends now?" He asked.
"I mean only if you want to be. Do you want to be?" Mark looked anxious.
Donghyuck laughed and grabbed Mark's face with both of his hands to pull him closer, kissing him.
They pulled away after a second or two and Mark was surprised to say the least.
"That was......something." He breathed.
"Shut up and let me kiss you again."
"Can't argue with that." Mark laughed.
So they kissed again, and again, and again, and again until their lips were swollen and tingling and they were both out of breath.
"I love you." Donghyuck said while he clung to Mark's side under the covers.
"You're supposed to say it back."
"But I already said it once."
"Mark, don't make me hit you."
"I'm just joking. I love you too."
Donghyuck hugged him tighter, "Now that's better."
"I don't know how you got Mark to own up to his feelings, but it definitely worked." Doyoung said while him and Jaehyun enjoyed some tea on the couch in the living room.
"I guess I'm just that good, you know?" Jaehyun smirked.
"You probably told him that story about your 'friend' in highschool, right?" Doyoung asked.
"Yup. It always works."
Doyoung hummed, "I wonder if you'll ever tell people that you were the friend."
"Yeah," Jaehyun scoffed, "Like I want people to know that I was that bad in highschool."
"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think any less of you for it."
Jaehyun smiled at him, "Well you're practically an angel so what would I expect from you?"
"Hey," Doyoung blushed, "you can't just flirt with me like that, there could be children present."
"Doyoung, we're the only people in the living room. And I didn't even say anything inappropriate." Jaehyun chuckled.
"Yeah, okay. Just come here so I can cuddle you. Today has made me soft."
So Doyoung did, and the house was left in a comfortable silence of two couples hopelessly in love.