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I Found Home Within You

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Jiyong was astonished at how well his creation with Nike has been received. After all the scandal he went through not only for him but for his band members, he wants to start with something positive. He wants to remind himself of what he aspire to be, and that is to inspire the next generation. The daisies existed as a reminder for everyone to reach for love and peace.

For now his mind is busy preparing for the Nike live show, as per usual he wanted things to be as perfect as they can. He released a long sigh as he slouch himself on the chair, massaging his eyes with fingers covered in dried paints, groaning to the idea that his body is getting restless. As he was about to open his eyes, he felt two arms massaging his shoulder to release the knots, and he knows very well to whom those hands belongs to.

“Why are you not sleeping yet Hyun?” Jiyong asked as he opens his eyes and greeted by a face smiling at him “Because I can see you here still working and sighing, so don’t expect me to sleep.” Jiyong slightly chuckled at the words “But it doesn’t mean you should give up on your rest hyung.”

Seunghyun smiled and plants a soft kiss on Jiyong’s lips “Nonsense, I’ll be here until you are ready to go to bed.” Jiyong straighten his sitting position and moved his body sideways letting go of Seunghyun’s grip on his shoulders.

“Don’t tell me you will be here until I sleep, by all means I can stay up until morning time” -- “And if that happens I’ll be here until the morning too” Seunghyun grins at his own answer. “You know you are hopeless right, Hyun?”-- “Oh I think you know that one part very well.” Jiyong definitely knows this one part very well, if Seunghyun said he will do something, there will be no hesitation.

One time Seunghyun decided to stay up with Jiyong while he finishes his work, Jiyong thought he was joking around but he wasn’t. Seunghyun didn’t sleep and somehow it made him feel guilty, so from that day if Seunghyun asked him to rest, he will.

“Okay, okay I’ll go to bed, happy?” Jiyong let out a defeated sigh as he untie his apron. “I am happy” Seunghyun smirked “Hugging you to sleep is much better than using that bolster as a substitute.” Jiyong walks towards Seunghyun and wrap his arms to his waist. The embrace is greeted by two hands cupping his cheeks.

Jiyong stares at the pair of eyes playfully “Is that all I am to you Choi Seunghyun? A substitute of a bolster so you can have a peaceful night of sleep?” Seunghyun planted another soft kiss on Jiyong’s lips that turns into a short playful kissing session. “Yes, you are my bolster and that’s a fact” Seunghyun said chuckling between the kisses. “But this bolster is someone that I love and would never drop from the bed by accident in the middle of the night.” Jiyong stopped the kiss with a final peck “That sounds very romantic, take me to bed then Hyun, I am so tired from work.” Seunghyun rolled his eyes from the sarcastic tone, but nonetheless he abides to Jiyong’s request.

Seunghyun moved his hands to Jiyong’s waist and under his knees, hoisting his partner’s small frame to carry him to bed, wedding style. Jiyong laughed at the move and wrapped his arms on the back of Seunghyun’s neck.

“I sometimes question myself how on earth I let you do this to me.” Seunghyun raised his eyebrows as he carries Jiyong to their bedroom… well his bedroom to be exact.

“Do what to you exactly?”-- “Carrying me like this. This gets embarrassing sometimes.” Seunghyun rolled his eyes again accompanied by a grin “Don’t lie to yourself and admit you enjoy this all the time.” Jiyong smiled mischievously “Maybe not… Maybe yes, sometimes I like it a little bit too much tho” and both of them laughed.

This has been an ongoing inside joke for both of them. The feisty G-dragon on stage is being carried like a princess and he lowkey enjoyed the experience of it. But this is the truth of Kwon Jiyong. He likes being pampered and showered with love.

When both of them arrived at Seunghyun’s bedroom, Seunghyun let go of his grip to let Jiyong stands on his own. Jiyong went to the bathroom to prepare himself for a goodnight sleep while Seunghyun went straight to bed and tuck himself under the blanket.

When Jiyong saw his reflection on the mirror he can tell the traces of fatigue on his face. His under eyes are slightly darker, he lost a bit of colour and there was no hint of glow at all. He outdid himself once again, but he was fine with it. This time he gets to enjoy the process of coming back to the public face.

He grabs his toothbrush from the ceramic holder, smiling at the toothbrush cap in the shape of a cat’s head. It was Seunghyun’s idea to purchase the cap as it reminded him of Jiyong’s cat. It was darn silly, but it is Seunghyun. What’s not silly about him and his ideas?

 He placed a small amount of toothpaste and brushes his teeth letting the minty flavour covered his entire mouth. He finished everything by washing his face and putting on a loose t-shirt and loose cotton pants.

As he enters the bedroom, Jiyong smiled at the scenery of Seunghyun laying on the bed tucking himself under the blanket. He knows very well that Seunghyun likes to wrap himself with it. It makes him feel safe and sound, covered in warmth. A safety cocoon if you will.

He slips himself under the cover and laid his head on Seunghyun’s chest, making sure that his ear is at the proper position to listen to his lover’s heartbeat.

When Jiyong laid his head on Seunghyun’s chest, Seunghyun instantly hugs Jiyong’s body as tight as he can. People might describe Jiyong’s body a small frame, but for him that same body carries the warmth of a fireplace in winter time.  

Seunghyun grew up realizing one thing when it comes to a good night sleep. It is nice to hug something when you wander your unconsciousness to the world of dream. That particular act makes you feel less lonely, and it is more precious when the one you hug is also the person you get to love.

“I know you will do great tomorrow Ji” Seunghyun assured as he circle his fingers on Jiyong’s back.

“I know I will, but will you really not come by?” Jiyong wanted Seunghyun to visit badly. He wanted to show the world that both of them are back again in public and they are now stronger than ever.

“Sadly I will be busy with my own work, and I think it is better to let you have the spotlight. But I can promise you we will celebrate later when you get home. I’ll be waiting.” Jiyong smiled at that promise “I’ll hold on to that hyung”

As both of them whispers I love you’s to each other, they drift off to the world of safety they called dreamland.

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When the Nike event is over, Jiyong’s body is truly restless. He is happy with how the event goes, he is happy that everyone there are having fun, but the thought of sharing the moment with his members is floating at the back of his head, and it is a burden to know that it is currently impossible.

All these thoughts creeping within him are not good. He has been well with his current mental state and he refused to let things drag his condition down. Not when he still has the duty of a leader to be strong, not when his lover is waiting for him at home to celebrate the success of this live show.

Jiyong bid his goodbyes at the after party and went straight to Seunghyun’s villa. He cannot wait to unwind the stress and let the euphoria of the event out of his system. He parked his car discreetly and went inside.

As he walks into the living room he is greeted with a dim light and a Seunghyun holding a glass of red wine. He can clearly see on the table that a 1988 Petrus is opened.

“Opening a 1988 Petrus, Isn’t that a bit excessive Hyun?” Seunghyun looked over his shoulder and smiled “It’s not excessive, it is a celebration of your first public appearance and it calls for a good wine, now come sit beside me” Seunghyun taps the empty side of the sofa and Jiyong willingly joins.

He poured himself some of the wine and rest his head on Seunghyun’s shoulders. “I see from the updates that your event went well, congratulation Kwon Jiyong” they toast lightly and both took a small sip of the wine. “Thank you for that and also thank you for that stupid manip you posted on your instagram story, very cool”

Both giggled at the reminder of the stupid post. Yes for them it was stupid, but a cute kind of stupid. “At least I post something” – “Yeah I know I know, will be better if you come physically but we already settled down that talk last night”

“Can you imagine if I can actually come Ji?” Jiyong answered the question with a playful mocking tone “Am actually glad you did not come, you’ll trash my live art performance and call it not your style” Seunghyun pinched Jiyong’s nose earning a groan from the man “well the not my style piece is happily hanging on my wall” – “Oh I know that Hyun, if you actually gonna auction it I will block you immediately”

“If I auction it I will have more money on my bank account tho?” Seunghyun earned another groan this time with a hard pinch on his arm, both laughed at the thoughts and continue pouring the wine, but this time in silence.

He sips the wine and enjoys the momentary peacefulness given by his lover and the acoustic of the room. This is why Jiyong likes to spend his after work time with Seunghyun. His body is tired and Seunghyun knows that very well, so he doesn’t push anything to him. Just a small talk and he gives Jiyong a moment of time to let his body fix its pace, before they continue to something else.

Seunghyun suddenly stands up searching for something. Jiyong raised his eyebrows until Seunghyun found the item he is looking for and Jiyong noticed the item as a remote for his Bluetooth speaker.

“What are you doing ?” Seunghyun took a last sip of his wine and placed the glass on the table “I am putting some music, I feel a little bit sappy tonight, if you will”

Jiyong laughed a little at the confession “Surprise me Hyun”

 “Since I am a feeling emotional and sappy tonight, will you join me on a slow dance?” Jiyong’s cheeks are soft pink at the request and he can feel the warmth of it, he wants to blame the wine but if he did that it means he is lying to himself. “Are you kidding me?” Jiyong asked.

“I’m not kidding right now, come” Seunghyun offers his free hand and Jiyong placed his hand on top of it. As he rose from his sitting position Seunghyun pressed the play button and a tune of piano starts playing. Jiyong noticed the sound and it seems familiar, but he cannot put down the name of the song inside his mind. Until the first line comes out and he realised this is Ruelle’s I get to love you.

One look at you, my whole life falls in line

Seunghyun embraced Jiyong by putting down the remote and wrap his hand on Jiyong’s waist and  Jiyong responded by placing his face in the crook of Seunghyun’s neck. Inhaling his scent that is familiar for him, the scent that reminded him that he is home and this is where he belongs.

I prayed for you, before.. I.. called.. you.. mine.

As they slow dance with the music, Seunghyun believed that this song in particular fits their entire storyline. Before they were an item, he prayed for Jiyong’s wellness, nothing but happiness even in his darkest time. He prayed for Jiyong’s endurance as he face the cruelty of the world to a man who is innocent. He prayed that one day this feeling for him can be returned.

Oh I can’t believe it’s true sometimes… Oh I can’t believe it’s true.

“Aren’t we a little bit too uptight for this kind of thing hyung?” Jiyong asked shyly “Never. I thought this is a good time for us just to move slowly and listen to this particular song” Seunghyun smiled lovingly as he himself cannot believe that he is doing this. Slow dancing to a very romantic song in the middle of his living room? But more so he cannot believe this man right here, is in his hand as his beloved partner.

As the lyric continues, Seunghyun cannot help to sing along with a toned down voice, almost like a whisper. Some people thought that Seunghyun’s singing voice sounds oddly weird but right now he doesn’t care. This part of the song is important to him.

I get to love.. you..  It’s the best thing that I’ll ever do. I get to love.. you.. It’s a promise I’m making to you: whatever may come, your heart I will choose. Forever I’m yours. Forever I do.

When Seunghyun sings a long on that part, it sent a tug at Jiyong’s heart. A tug that reminds him that he is loved. Most importantly he is loved by a man who is sensitive, caring, and the man who knows him so deeply and passionately.

The tears start running from Jiyong’s eyes and it stains Seunghyun’s collar as it drips from his neck. Seunghyun noticed that and stopped their slow dance and kissed Jiyong’s head instead. Seunghyun doesn’t say a thing as he wants Jiyong to take a moment for himself in his embrace. It’s been a short while since both of them got released from their military service, but that part of Seunghyun’s life made him appreciate this kind of moment more.

For both of them, the next part of this song is a promise they will bring to their grave.

And they say love is a journey

I promise that I’ll never leave

When it’s too heavy to carry

Remember this moment with me

I get to love you

When the song stops Jiyong finally looked up to his lover’s face. “I hate you for making me emotional like this. This is the alcohol making me crying, just so you know”

Seunghyun laughed showing his dimples to his world in front of him. He wipes the remaining tears on his lover’s cheeks “Sure it is, it is definitely the alcohol Ji” Seunghyun gave Jiyong a small kiss “But in all seriousness I love you, and if things get stressful, tiring or becomes a burden I’ll be here always”

Jiyong holds Seunghyun’s face and guided him to a longer kiss, this one with a loving tone to it. A kiss where you can only describe as two lovers finally embracing each other once again, after long days of separation.

“It works the same for me to you Hyun, I hate how you used to keep things all to yourself” Jiyong doesn’t want to remind himself of Seunghyun’s past but it is needed. “I love you but your hardships are my burden too. If you lock yourself up again it will be a burden for me to not know what’s going on inside your head, you hear me?”

Seunghyun can see the pain flash through Jiyong’s eyes and the feeling is indeed familiar. And that is the last thing he wants to see from Jiyong again. “I know Ji, it’s been one hell of a journey after what happened back then, and I know now things will go downhill if I stay silent”. The imagery of himself locked in hospital because of depression and not letting Jiyong pay a visit as it will create more scandal is still scaring his heart and mind.

“And that is something we can promise each other on. I love you Hyun” -- Jiyong feels terribly lucky. Lucky to have a family that supported him with a safe space. Lucky, to have friends that supported him with love. But the thing that he cannot thank enough to the universe is to have someone there for you to listen and to understand perfectly what’s going on inside your head. Both of them are broken in their own way, but the holes that left their heart matched with each other.

People see him as the leader who is always strong and full of confidence, even those who surrounds him sometimes can only see the façade that he needs to put up. But not to this man he is holding, this man can see him through even when he doesn’t want to.

“I love you too Ji” With that said, they stayed for another minute in each other’s embrace before Seunghyun broke the silence.

“Time for bed?” Seunghyun asked as he starts to feel his eyelids are getting heavier. “Your brain truly thinks about sleeping only huh” Jiyong is slightly annoyed as he wants to continue this position for a little bit longer.

“I think both of us deserves a good rest Ji, especially you” And Seunghyun is right. Jiyong’s event was long and full of work up until it ended, so he does need a proper rest.

“Okay we can go to bed, but this time I’ll walk don’t carry me” Seunghyun smiled at the request “Your request is my command princess” Jiyong lightly smacked Seunghyun’s chest and laughed.

The night continues as usual. Brush their teeth, wash their face and change to comfortable sleeping wear. As the final move they tuck themselves under the blanket, taking their usual position where Jiyong laid his head on Seunghyun’s chest.

Seunghyun hugged Jiyong’s body as close as possible and Jiyong did the same. People often forgot that another human’s physical touch can bring wonders, and hugging is one of them. This is where both feel the safest. This is where both can let go of their defences and masks. And this is where both can feel each other’s purest form of protection and love to each other.

“Good night Jiyong”

“Good night Seunghyun”