I will leave my heart at the door,
I won't say a word,
They've all been said before.
Where did it go wrong? How did it go wrong?
They were happy. They were in love, goddammit! They couldn't spend more than 2 minutes apart!
How did it get this bad?
Jimin scoffed as he realised he just answered his own question.
They were happy. They were in love.
They're not anymore and that's fairly obvious to literally anyone who even catches a glimpse of them.
Jimin leaned his palms against the marble countertop of his house, taking in slow, deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down. He knew that this couldn't carry on forever. They can't play pretend anymore. They can't pretend like they aren't tearing apart by the seams, neither can they pretend like everything's okay when it's not. Just as easily as they fell in love, they fell out of love.
How many times could Jimin apologise for hurting Jungkook? How many times could Jimin forgive Jungkook for hurting him? How many more times were they going to get into the same argument? They've gone from finding every little quirk, from the high pitched giggling at a lame joke, to not putting the milk carton back in the fridge, to not turning off the lights before exiting the room, cute, and tolerable, to fighting about every single thing.
Jimin didn't think he could do it anymore.
They've said all that needs to be said. Fought every argument that didn't need fighting.... Loved when there was no more love to give.
So why don't we
Just play pretend
Like we're not scared of what's coming next
Or scared of having nothing left
He was at the door, hand hovering inches from the wood, trembling at the thought of what he was about to do.
Jimin could picture Jungkook's face in his mind. If this had been a month ago, Jimin could tell you exactly what Jungkook's reaction to every single thing would be. From the smallest of nose scrunches, down to the biggest grin. He could lock eyes with Jungkook and without words, be able to express himself perfectly.
Now Jimin didn't know who that Jungkook even was.
Once upon a time, they were happy and in love. They were every person's couple goals. They were the couple everyone aspired to be, but could never even hold a candle to. They were real life Disney Princes and storybook fairytales come true.
But here's the thing about fairytales, they build up expectation, create this entire fantasy of being swept off your feet and showered with words strung beautifully from the 26 letters of the alphabet, serenaded with love songs until you fall trapped in the other person's spell. And instead of showing you the reality of love, they tell you that the couple lived happily ever after.
No one ever gets a happily ever after.
The spell of 'love' wears off after the song ends, after the sentence finishes, after the book is complete and the last page is turned. Love isn't what the stories, or fairytales, or movies, or songs, or anything shows you!
With anger in his veins, and tears pricking the back of his eyes, Jimin knocked the door with as much strength as he could muster, his knuckles throbbing as soon as his hand was back on its side as he waited for the door to open.
He heard the shuffle of footsteps, soft and muffled from behind the thick wooden door, and immediately started practicing what he would say in his head, determined to get the words out, even if they were rushed and he stumbled over them.
He couldn't keep pretending! His heart was hurting, red and raw.
The door was pulled open and suddenly Jimin's resolve began to crumble.
Jungkook stood in front of him, as beautiful as ever. Dark brown hair falling over his doe brown eyes that were staring at Jimin with just as much intensity as he had the first time Jimin saw him. Hand holding the door tight, spots of white beginning to form on his knuckles from the sheer strength that he was squeezing the door with as if he was holding back from actually saying something.
"Jimin." Jungkook greeted, low, and strained as if he wasn't expecting to see him.
"Kook," Jimin breathed out, and just like that, Jimin didn't have the guts to say anything.
Fear crept up from under him, slithering up his leg to his spine, enveloping him in a cocoon of darkness. Jungkook was the only person he had ever loved. As selfish as it was, he didn't want to let him go.
So he said nothing at all.
Look don't get me wrong
There is no tomorrow
"We need to talk." Jungkook said out of the blue.
"I know." Jimin told him, as if he was expecting this.
Jungkook turned on the couch, facing Jimin, the television suddenly background noise.
They stared at each other, wordlessly; silently, neither one of them saying a word, yet both of them thinking the same thing - This wasn't working. They weren't working.
"Jimin I-" Jungkook started off, chest getting heavier and heavier with each breath he took, words coming out shakily.
"I know," Jimin repeated, eyes glossy, filled with a deeper sorrow than of just heartbreak, yet his mouth was upturned, forcefully, trying to stay strong but resolve crumbling like it did the other day when he was stood at Jungkook's door.
"I loved you." Jungkook told him, like that would make up for all the hurt they've caused each other, all the heartbreak, and the quiet nights filled with silent tears dripping down their cheeks, mind overrun with memories rather than plans for their future.
Jimin reached his hand out, taking Jungkook's hand and intertwining their fingers, hoping to once again find the spark that they lost. He remembers the first time he held his hand.
It was on their second date at a run down pizza joint, but neither of them cared. They just wanted to be together, they didn't care where. Jimin was sat opposite Jungkook, a wood fire pizza in between the pair, as Jungkook narrated a story about his best friend, him and a treehouse. Jimin tried to listen, he really did, but his eyes kept darting down to Jungkook's lips, his dimple, his bunny like smile and how his eyes would light up when he got excited over a certain part of the story; or how he would become extra animated, running his fingers through his hair or making big gestures. When he was done, he giggled, hands coming down to rest on the slightly sticky metal table. Jimin remembered wiping his hand on his jeans to make sure there was no sweat on it, and shakily reached out, almost gingerly, like he was scared of being rejected. He saw Jungkook's eyes follow his hand all the way from Jimin's side of the table, to Jungkook's hand. A faint tint of pink dusted both their cheeks as they intertwined their fingers together, neither one of them saying a word, yet both feeling the same electric shocks go through their bodies.
And now here they were, hands clasping each others, fingers intertwined...No spark. No electric shock. No excitement. Nothing.
"I'm sorry." Jimin whispered softly.
He didn't know who he was saying to. To himself? To Jungkook? At their situation? Sorry for not trying harder? Sorry for giving up too easily? Sorry that they fell out of love?
Sorry that they're over?
It was a broad word with little meaning.
But it was the only one that fit their situation.
And with the softest of whispers, Jungkook said, "I know."
All I ask is
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand
While we do what lovers do
They didn't know how long they sat on the sofa beside each other. They just sat in silence, neither one saying a word. They knew it was over between them, and that this was beyond repair; that they were beyond repair. But still, there was a part of them that didn't want to let go. What they had, even if it was over, was special. They were special to each other in their own way.
They were the promises they made to each other through messy kisses, and late nights. They were the inside jokes they made that no one but them understood. They were the stolen kisses and glances., the eye contact that held so much meaning. They were the secret smiles, and presents they gave each other. They were the late night talks about their future, and the cuddles. They were the tears they shed, the 'I love you's that they spoke, the plans of their shared future, the hopes and dreams that they had planned out. They were the deepest secrets they shared to no one but themselves.
They were Jimin and Jungkook. Jungkook and Jimin, who at one point, were names never said without one another, and one entity.
"Jungkook," Jimin said, shattering the silence.
He hummed in response, eyes still trained on their intertwined fingers, like if he stared hard enough, some magic would reappear.
"Jungkook, can I ask you for a favour?" Jimin asked, voice shaky, scared of getting rejected somehow.
"Anything." He said, eyes shining with sincerity.
"I don't want to leave us like this. I don't want to e-end us on a bad note," Jimin told him, eyes glossy, pricking with tears, knowing that what he was asking was damn near cruel, but he needed it. He needed this. He needed him. Just one last time.
"Just for tonight can we pretend like we're okay?" He asked, voice barely over a whisper, "Like we're not broken.... Like we're still in love."
Jungkook's thumb rubbed small circles over Jimin's supple and soft skin on his hand, "Just for tonight?"
It matters how this ends
Cause what if I never love again?
"One last time." Jimin said with a small nod, "Please, Jungkook. I don't want to pretend like we're just friends after this. I don't want to look at you and remember the bad times. I want to look at you and remember the person I fell in love with. I want to remember us."
He was scared. Of course he was. Jimin was his first love. He was special to him. He didn't know where it all started going wrong. One day he and Jimin were head over heels for each other, unable to spend more than a couple of hours apart, and now, they were avoiding each other as much as possible.
He hated it! He hated the fact that his relationship had crumbled in front of his very eyes and all he could do was watch as it broke apart, shattering into dust; unfixable.
If a love like Jimin didn't last, what hope did Jungkook have for love at all?
"Just for tonight." Jungkook repeated, pulling Jimin closer to him, crashing his lips down onto Jimin's plump lips.
There was no hesitation on either of their parts. They needed this. They needed to feel like there was some kind of love in their relationship; that this was real. Or was, at least.
Their lips moved together, languidly, memorising the way they felt, gliding over each other. Jungkook cupped Jimin's cheek, eyes screwed shut as his thumb slowly rubbed the apple of his cheek, lips moving against Jimin's, the sound filling up the room, communicating feelings that they thought they were going to have to keep to themselves.
Jimin pulled back first, eyes still shut as his breaths came out in pants, forehead resting over Jungkook's.
"Please," He whispered into the night air.
"Anything you need, Jimin." Jungkook breathed out, time slipping away from him.
Just for tonight. Just for tonight. Just for tonight. Jungkook kept reminding himself. He couldn't let himself get attached again.
His lips found Jimin's again. There was nothing soft or slow about it. It was hot, needy, messy. Jungkook's hand moved to Jimin's waist while Jimin's snaked over to Jungkook's neck, holding him tightly. Jungkook moved to stand up and Jimin got the message. He wrapped his legs over Jungkook's waist while Jungkook's hands moved under Jimin's ass, holding him up as he stood up to move them to the bedroom, lips still moving against one another.
The next thing Jimin felt was a mattress under his back and Jungkook's hot breath fanning over his face. They breathed each other in, neither one moving, both knowing that this was it. This, right here, right now, was their last night together. Their last couple of hours together.
Before reality could set in, Jimin brought Jungkook down in another searing kiss, his fears getting the best of him, pouring out into the needy kiss, eyes wet with unshed tears.
Jungkook pulled away, grabbing his shirt and throwing it off his body as Jimin unbuttoned his own shirt, throwing it to one side, eyes fixated on Jungkook's toned body. He ran his hands down Jungkook's chest, feeling the planes of defined muscles beneath his fingertips, ghosting over his toned stomach until reaching the faint happy trail peeking out from his grey sweatpants. His finger moved lower, and lower, Jungkook's breath coming out in hot pants, chest heaving as his eyes followed Jimin's finger, occasionally stealing a glance at Jimin, eyes raking over his expression, taking it all in, memorising the way his hair fell over his eyes, the way his mouth turned up into a smile, the way his dimples were at its most prominent when he was teasing Jungkook.
Jimin's eyes were trained on the outline of Jungkook's cock on his grey sweatpants that was becoming more and more prominent as his cock chubbed up at the teasing. He pretended that he couldn't see Jungkook looking at him. He focused all his attention on the hard erection in Jungkook's sweatpants.
"Kook." Jimin moaned as he palmed his erection, biting down on his bottom lip, eyes blooming with lust as his eyes raked in every inch of Jungkook, skin and clothed.
The things he wanted to say to Jimin. The things he wanted to tell him. He wanted to say that this was all for him. He wanted to tell him that no matter how broken and fractured things seemed right now, there was a part of him that still longed for his touch.
But he wouldn't say any of that.
I don't need your honesty
It's already in your eyes
"It's for you." Jungkook told him, "All for you."
Jimin nearly gasped at the weight that the words held, at the sincerity that laced his every syllable.
He dropped his hand on the mattress, eyes glancing up at Jungkook who was looking down at him with wide blown eyes, hand reaching up to stroke Jimin's cheek with his thumb.
And I'm sure my eyes they speak for me
He didn't need to say anything. Neither of them did, to be honest.
Jungkook leaned down, eyes fluttering shut as he found Jimin's lips with his, every unsaid emotion, every unshed tear, every single thing was poured out then. Jimin could only gasp into the kiss, but it was swallowed by Jungkook, who used that opportunity to slide his tongue in, exploring, slowly dancing with Jimin as he rocked their clothed crotches down to each other, both moaning at the much needed friction.
Jimin's hand trailed down to Jungkook's sweatpants, pushing it down, until Jungkook got the message and pulled it down himself, pulling away from Jimin. Jimin used this opportunity and took his pants off, kicking it to one side.
"You're beautiful," Jungkook whispered to him, eyes trailing over Jimin's body, watching the flush get deeper and deeper.
Jimin hid himself behind his hands. Jungkook reached up, an almost fond smile on his face as he pulled Jimin's hands away.
"You were never good at accepting compliments, Minnie."
No one knows me like you do
And since you're the only one that matters
Tell me who do I run to?
Jungkook reached over to the bedside table, taking out the lube and condoms from the bedside table. Jimin moved to turn around but Jungkook stopped him with a hand on his hip.
"Don't." He said, "I want to see you."
"Please." Jungkook said, "Just for tonight."
Jimin nodded, hand reaching up to cup Jungkook's face, understanding him perfectly, "Just for tonight."
Jungkook popped the lid open, drizzling his fingers with the sticky, viscous liquid and slowly slipped the finger inside, feeling Jimin clench around it. He heard that delicious moan escape Jimin, soft and low.
"I want to hear you," Jungkook all but demanded as he slipped another finger in, slowly, knowing that Jimin liked the slight burn and the stretch.
Jimin moaned louder now, unabashedly as Jungkook started thrusting slowly, increasing the pace. Jimin writhed underneath him, squirming and moaning in pleasure.
"Pl-Please Kook," He groaned, arching his back against the push of Jungkook's hand on his hip, "Ano-Another."
Jungkok would usually tease Jimin for hours on end, until tears were leaking from his eyes, accompanied by begging, but tonight, Jungkook just needed Jimin to feel good. He needed to embed this picture of Jimin moaning, groaning, screaming his name, wanting him and only him, in his brain. Jungkook slipped in a third finger, slowly. Jimin moaned, the burn and stretch of the muscle making lewd, loud moans fall from his lips as Jungkook thrusted the fingers in, twisting and turning, brushing his prostate slightly, leaving him wanting more and more.
Jimin looked up at Jungkook with hooded eyes, spit slickened lips and begged, "Please, Jungkook. Please."
Jungkook couldn't help but groan at how wrecked and desperate Jimin sounded.
"Say it, Jimin."
In a whispered, pleading, wrecked breath, Jimin whispered into the dark night, words weighing heavy on his tongue, "I need you, Kook."
Jungkook's breath hitched in his throat. He didn't know just how much he needed to hear those words. A pang of hurt shot through his heart, almost wishing as if he had heard those words in a different circumstance. Just for tonight, he would pretend like it meant more than just sex.
Just for tonight.
He removed his fingers from Jimin slowly, so as to not hurt him. Jimin whined at the emptiness.
Jungkook rolled the condom on himself, lubing himself up, before lining himself with Jimin's entrance.
He looked down at Jimin, bringing his hand up, rubbing the apple of his cheek, needing to feel some reassurance that they were going to be okay. Just as he pushed himself in, he leaned down and captured Jimin's lips in a gentle kiss, pushing himself in further and further with each slide of their lips together until he bottomed out.
Jimin and Jungkook weren't vanilla in the slightest, always wanting to experiment with more, push their boundaries further and further, but there was something about tonight and the way that they both knew there was a timer set on whatever pieces were left of their relationship. They didn't want toys, neither did they want degrading words, or rough and hard sex. Right now, in this moment, all they wanted to do was to feel each other. To be present in this moment right here, right now, pretending like there was still something left between them.
Jungkook moved slowly, thrusting in slow and deep, feeling every ridge of Jimin on his cock. Jimin could feel himself stretch out, a slight burn that was so delicious as Jungkook thrusted in and out of him. He could feel Jungkook just brushing against his prostate, teasing him enough to get him a moaning, begging mess, stimulating it in the best ways possible.
Jungkook buried himself in Jimin, leaning down, nuzzling his neck into the crook of his shoulder, peppering kisses on any expanse of skin that he could find while Jimin moaned, hugging him closer, pulling Jungkook into him as though that would fill the space in which their love would have been in. Jimin moaned Jungkook's name like a prayer in which he would find solace in, moving his hips in time with Jungkook's thrusts, hearing muffled groans and moans against his skin as Jungkook sucked a hickey, scraping his teeth over the skin, leaving marks. He wanted more than just tonight, he wanted Jimin to remember him. As selfish as it was, he couldn't help but want to mark Jimin as his.
Jimin knew what Jungkook was doing, of course he did. But he wanted it. He wanted to poke and prod at the purple mark in the morning. He wanted to feel the ache, the pain. He wanted it to hurt because it would be a reminder that tonight wasn't just a dream. That maybe, there was actually something left here. But he wouldn't worry about it until tomorrow.
Tomorrow... The true reminder that tonight was over.
Jungkook could feel Jimin slipping away from him into his own head.
"Jimin," Jungkook said, slowing his thrusts down, leaning down and capturing Jimin's lips with his, pecking him once, twice, and a third time. He pulled away and saw his eyes, brown and clear as day. "Come back to me."
Jimin's breath hitched in his throat.
"Kook." A mix between a moan and a whine, tears threatening to leak out of his eyes.
"You close?" Jungkook asked, as he sped up his thrusts, not wanting tonight to end.
"Cl-Close." Jimin stuttered out.
Jungkook pressed one last kiss to the side of his shoulder, pulling back and admiring the purple bruises that were littered on Jimin's chest. He looked down and saw Jimin's red, hard, leaking cock. He took it in his hand, stroking it in time with his thrusts. Jimin arched his back, whining loud and needy, begging Jungkook to let him cum. Jungkook thrusted harder, more eagerly, stroking Jimin's length hard and fast in time with his thrusts, feeling his own heat pool, moving frantically as Jimin moaned and writhed under him. He felt Jimin clench and tighten around his cock, as spurts of long, thick white cum spray all over Jimin's stomach and Jungkook's hand.
Jungkook thrusts a couple more times, the heat of Jimin's ass and the clenching and unclenching of the walls was all it took for him to cum, riding out both their orgasms.
Jimin whined lowly as Jungkook pulled out slowly, tying the condom, throwing it in the trash as he got out a couple of towels, cleaning himself up first before attending to Jimin, and then throwing the stained towel carelessly to the side.
Jungkook stood in place, feeling like an outsider in his own room. Jimin glanced over to the window, and then to the clock screaming bright red numbers at them -
"The night's not over," Jimin said softly, "It's not dawn yet."
Jungkook walked over to the bed, pulling the covers away and getting underneath them, waiting for Jimin to do the same. He outstretched his hand and immediately Jimin got in between them, laying his head on Jungkook's chest, listening to the familiar sound of his heartbeat.
"Just for tonight," Jimin whispered into Jungkook's slightly sweaty skin, placing a kiss on his chest, as he fluttered his eyes shut, never wanting the sun to come up.
Right here right now, it was like the love never faded away. Like they were themselves again. Like they were in love again.
Jungkook wouldn't admit it, but with Jimin lying right here on his chest, the stabbing pain in his heart from the broken pieces didn't feel as bad anymore. The hole in his chest where his heart once was, didn't hurt anymore. The cracks in the spaces were slowly filling up, and he was once again beginning to feel whole.
He let himself pretend like they were okay. He was going to allow himself to feel alright again. Just for tonight.
Look don't get me wrong
There is no tomorrow
The sun peeked through the blinds, filling up the room with warmth and a promise of a bright new day.
Jungkook blinked himself awake. The first thing he felt was the cracking of his heart, and the second, was cold. He pushed himself up, hand coming to rub the sleep out of his eyes.
He looked around the room, a part of him wishing that Jimin would be here. Maybe he was in the bathroom, maybe even cooking breakfast for him like he used to when things were better; happier.
But Jungkook knew, that the magic of the night had worn off; that the Janus Masks had come off and the facade was over.
He looked around and immediately spotted a small note on his bedside table, right on top of his phone. He picked it up, eyes watering at the message:
It's tomorrow now.
It was over.
They were over.
And just like that, Jungkook's heart broke all over again.