Actions

Work Header

Maybe This Time (I Hope I Get the Chance to Say Goodbye)

Summary:

Steve and Bucky Barnes are happily married. They've made it through some hard times and come out stronger and happier, together. Then Steve gets called on to come out of retirement for the most important mission of his life and everything changes. Everything.

-----

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas…” Steve starts singing along softly, and Bucky chuckles, before leaning his head onto Steve’s shoulder, always happy when he’s in Steve’s arms.

“From now on, our troubles will be miles away…” Bucky joins in.

Dancing round their living room, just as in love as ever, their troubles seem light-years away, if not non-existent.

Sadly, they’re closer than they think.

Notes:

So...I've been working on this a while. It's a big departure from my usual fluff. This is pretty heavy (or at least I think it is, I don't know how it'll be received, but it's been heavy writing it). But please read the tags first before you decide to read this because basically this whole fic is a trigger warning for if you're dealing with loss. There's also a small possibility the rating will go up.

You'll probably need to read the others in the series for this to make complete sense.

Title comes from a Foo Fighters song.

Written for AO3. Do not repost elsewhere. Do not translate.

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Patience my dear
We could spend a lifetime waiting here
Maybe this time
I hope I get the chance to say goodbye


 

“A little higher,” Bucky tells Steve, a smile in his voice.

“Like that?”

“Perfect,” Bucky declares and Steve lets out a sigh of relief as Bucky releases the glass angel, having placed it perfectly on top of the tree, and Steve lowers him down gently to his feet.

“You just like me manhandling you,” Steve teases, kissing Bucky’s neck softly from behind.

Bucky leans into it as Steve’s arms wrap round his waist and they stare at the tree together. It’s only the first of December, but Christmas has always been special for them, and this is their third Christmas together and their first in their new home. They’ve got soft Christmas music playing in the background, helping put them in the festive spirit early, and Steve even made some mulled wine for them to have while decorating.

The tree is huge and beautiful, put up right in front of their large living room window, after they moved the couch. Not that anyone will really see it from outside in passing except Wanda and Clint. They don’t have neighbours. But still, Bucky likes it there. It looks perfect.

“I think it’s gonna look so great in here,” Bucky beams. “We can set the table up right here,” he gestures, “and have a little bar area over there,” he adds, pointing to where Steve’s favourite comfy chair currently is. The good thing about having a former superhero as your husband is he can move furniture around no problem. Technically so can Bucky with his metal arm, but he doesn’t feel the need to remind Steve of that.

Steve chuckles a little. “We’re still weeks away,” he reminds him, leaning in to kiss his cheek, beard tickling him a little, releasing Bucky from his arms.

“I know. I’m just excited,” Bucky replies, turning around. It’s funny how Christmas didn’t used to mean much to him, to the point that he sort of avoided it, but now he’s probably even more excited than Steve is for it. Everyone is coming to visit for Christmas, just like last year except this time they’ll spend Christmas Day together and Bucky couldn’t be more excited. Though the Accords are null and void at this point, meaning sometimes they go to New York to visit Becca and the others, Bucky still misses them, even though he loves his life here.

“Maybe we should have Sam over sometime soon, before Christmas,” Steve suggests, tone careful as he looks hesitantly at Bucky.

Bucky’s good mood starts to disappear. “Why?” he asks grumpily with a huff, turning and starting to pack away the boxes for the ornaments. He knows Steve just wants him to be happy, but he doesn’t want to discuss this right now. Not when they’ve been having such a nice day so far.

He hears Steve let out a sad sigh behind him. “You have to talk to him sometime. Clear the air?”

“Like he talked to me?” Bucky scoffs.

“Baby, I know you’re upset—”

“Upset?” Bucky smarts, turning to look at Steve again. “I’m not upset. If he wants to go off and get himself killed, who I am to say anything about it. It’s not like I’m his best friend since forever, who has personal experience of knowing Avengers and knowing how dangerous it is, even for the ones who have superpowers, which Sam does not, but noooo,” Bucky draws out the word, “why would he bother discussing becoming an Avenger with me first?” Bucky glowers. “I’m not upset.”

Steve looks sympathetically at him, like he wants to help but doesn’t know what to say, and Bucky knows Steve probably thinks he’s being a little over the top, but Bucky can’t help it. He appreciates Steve treading carefully at least. Bucky knows it’s hard for him. He blames himself because Sam got involved that first time when they went to rescue Scott. But the fact is, it’s not Steve’s fault. Sam has always wanted to help people. Bucky understands why he joined the Avengers. What he doesn’t understand is why the first time he knew about it, he was seeing Sam flying around on TV.

Sam had called and apologised, saying he didn’t want to worry Bucky and that’s why he hadn’t told him, but Bucky just can’t get past it. Sam is his best friend and to keep something like that from him, apparently for over a month, and to not even discuss it first…Bucky doesn’t know how to be okay with that. They haven’t spoken in two weeks.

“I just think maybe it’ll be better for you guys to try and work it out before Christmas?” Steve attempts gently.

“If he even makes it,” Bucky scowls, going back to packing up the boxes, Steve moving closer and starting to help. “The Avengers might have a mission, who knows,” he grumbles.

Steve looks a little downcast and Bucky lets out a sigh, putting the box in his hands down, before dropping back from his crouch to sit on the floor. He hates talking about the Avengers usually. He knows Steve loves him and loves their life, but he also knows sometimes Steve feels guilty for not being out there, so Bucky tries to avoid the topic wherever possible.

Bucky lets out a sigh. “I’m just…I’m so fuckin’ scared for him, Stevie,” he admits. That’s what it boils down to. Sure, he’s mad Sam didn’t talk to him, but really he’s mostly just terrified. This is exactly what he went through with Steve and he never wanted to do it again. He still worries terribly whenever Clint goes off on an occasional mission with Nat. Clint says he’s like a mother hen, but Bucky can’t help it. He thanks god that Wanda hasn’t shown the urge to get back out there.

Steve drops to his knees and wraps Bucky up in a hug that Bucky sags gratefully into. “I know you are,” he murmurs into Bucky’s neck. He smells like the spices from the mulled wine. “Maybe I could talk with him at Christmas?” Steve offers as he pulls back to look at Bucky.

Bucky cracks a little sad smile at that but shakes his head. “No, I should talk to him.” It’s his responsibility to sort this out. “Just…not yet,” he decides. He’s not ready yet. “I appreciate the offer though,” he promises. He loves how Steve always has his back.

“I just hate seeing you so down about this,” Steve admits, stroking his fingers over Bucky’s cheek.

Bucky leans in to press his lips against Steve’s in a soft kiss, hoping to reassure him. “I’ll be fine. Promise.” He presses another light kiss against Steve’s lips. Even after two years, it has never gotten old. Steve’s kisses are like air to him now, something he needs daily. Happily, Steve still gives him all the kisses he could possibly need and then some.

Steve smiles when Bucky pulls away and then he gets up and holds his hand out to pull Bucky up to his feet, before pulling him against his solid, warm chest. He places Bucky’s hand at his waist. “Dance with me?” he requests.

Bucky feels his Christmas spirit come flooding back and he smiles back at his gorgeous husband. Even a year later, it still makes him so happy to call him that, and Bucky feels a warm little glow. He snuggles in closer and they sway in time with the music, Bucky feeling Steve’s heartbeat under his palm. Any time they dance, he can’t help but remember their first Valentine’s Day. Steve still has the album Bucky bought him and he always pulls it out on special occasions so they can dance to it—yet another thing Bucky will never tire of. He loves that they’ve made their own traditions.

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas…” Steve starts singing along softly, and Bucky chuckles, before leaning his head onto Steve’s shoulder, always happy when he’s in Steve’s arms.

“From now on, our troubles will be miles away…” Bucky joins in, and Steve squeezes him tighter, and even with the Sam situation, Bucky’s still happy.

The fact is, their life is pretty much perfect. They’re happy most of the time. Sometimes they have little squabbles just like any couple, and sometimes they worry about their friends, but mostly they’re happy, living their quiet life, running their little farm together with Clint and Wanda. And dancing round their living room, just as in love as ever, their troubles seem light-years away, if not non-existent.

Sadly, they’re closer than they think.

Notes:

So...chapter lengths are variable in this, just like the first part of this series. I have no schedule because I'm me. This is looking to be a 20k-ish fic and is the final part in the Maybe series.

I really hope you liked the first chapter and I'd love to hear from you 💜