One would think that the ultimate prank had been pulled, that the holy man and the ookami partnership could not be beat. Surely, after nearly five months, all thoughts about the inu-themed gift basket were forgotten?
Inuyasha watched as his wife walked around the bedroom. Half-dressed for the day, her hand would on occasion drop to the slight swell of her stomach. He couldn't contain the smile at the sight. Their efforts had been fruitful, so to speak, and when Kagome announced to her brother-in-law a month later that she was pregnant, he'd been good on his word. Inuyasha was pretty sure it had been Kagura that had selected the lavish gift basket for the new mommy, but he could tell his brother had a say in it. The large box of candy was a clue. Having dealt with one pregnant woman before, Sesshomaru knew the value in bribing the expecting woman with chocolate.
It was Kagome's pregnancy announcement that kept him from exacting revenge on Miroku and Koga. Kagome was the one that deserved the attention right then, and he'd be damned if he'd ruin the moment. When two months had passed and the newness of the pregnancy had slacked off, Kagome suggested that he wait a little bit longer. "Let them think you forgot all about it," she'd said. "Anyway, if you're going to get them back, you're going to want to make it good." Then she had followed her own advice and did something that made him forget about plotting revenge.
At least temporarily.
"Somehow I knew before I even left the house today that I'd get drug into something."
Kikyo lifted her coffee to her lips, staring down everyone at the table. Her cousin had asked her to come to breakfast but hadn't given a reason as to why. Usually their outings for breakfast were reserved for weekends, not Tuesdays. Sango and Ayame sat to her left, Inuyasha, Kagome, and Kagura to her right. Only her cousin and the hanyou were grinning from ear to ear.
"If it's any consolation sweetie, we're in the dark as much as you," Kagura drawled. "Now why are we sitting in a Denny's on a Tuesday morning?"
The couple shared a look before Inuyasha said, "It's time to get Miroku and Koga back for that gift basket stunt."
Sango and Ayame's expressions brightened. They'd heard the story and had given their boyfriends an ear full for being so insensitive.
"We want to help!"
"What can we do?"
Kikyo rolled her eyes to the ceiling. She knew the day that her cousin reconnected with Inuyasha, they'd become an unstoppable force. Initially she'd anticipated the partnership would be against an evil force, not immature pranks. As the excitement bubbled around her at the table, she could only thank the heavens that Inuyasha had waited until the fundraiser had passed before pulling her into his schemes. Her thoughts were shaken by said hanyou calling her name, and she blinked. "Do what?"
"I said, can you design the packaging?"
Kagome jumped in at her blank look and added, "We were thinking about making two mock-subscription boxes, since these seem to be really popular right now."
"Kagura and Kagome are going to help me find things for the boxes." Inuyasha jerked his thumb towards Ayame and Sango. "They've already started making a list, and they're going to make it out like they ordered them online. What we need is to make it look authentic."
"All you need to do is make the designs," Kagome smiled.
"Yes, I'll have the files sent to printing on Sesshomaru's behalf, so it won't be traceable back to you." Kagura sipped her own coffee. "Neither of them would question the proofs if they saw them with his name on the forms." Even though both men didn't work exclusively with the company, they still came through often enough to where trying to keep things secret was damn near impossible. They liked to talk that they had balls of steel, but neither was brave enough to snoop through anything that Sesshomaru deemed classified.
"They would think it was for a new promotion, then."
Kikyo looked around the table at the hopeful expressions. She let out a sigh, already regretting the answer she was about to give. "I'm going to tell you what I told them months ago. If I get called out I'm telling them who put me up to this."
Over breakfast, Sango and Ayame had managed to create a lengthy list of items for Miroku and Koga. Kikyo had to convince them that in order for the offensiveness of these boxes to be effective, less was more. What she didn't say was that the larger the boxes she had to design for, the longer it would take to print, and she knew Inuyasha had only been patient this long for his wife's sake. By the time the bill had come to the table, the two women had reduced the list to five items per box.
Kagura had given Kagome a list of websites she had perused years ago when they were planning her bachelorette party. Inuyasha scowled at the list, not liking what he was seeing, but he filed the thought of interrogating his sister-in-law for another time. He took Kagome to her doctor's appointment, and when they left the office, they decided to spend their lunch break shopping from the list. He hadn't looked too close at the napkin that Sango had scribbled their suggestions on in Denny's, but now he could understand why the two women were whispering and giggling so much. Some of these were very…specific.
"I really hope these aren't gonna be used," Inuyasha grimaced, turning away from the screen. That was one image he did not need.
His wife didn't look bothered as she added the next item to the shopping cart. "This is actually pretty tame, Inuyasha."
"Tame?!" He sputtered. "How in the fuck is that considered tame when it goes – "
"Yeah, well this one lights up, pulses, and spins. I'd say the other one was tame, wouldn't you?"
"What is wrong with you women? Ain't what ya got enough?"
Kagome laughed as she reached out at patted her shell-shocked husbands' cheek as he leaned over her shoulder to stare in disbelief at the computer screen. "Not ever woman – or man – got as lucky as I did."
"Keh. Well if they ain't got enough to spin on their own-"
"Okay, Inuyasha. Babe. I love you, but nothing about that is sexy."
"Well nah – my point is that I can do it without needin' anything extra!" As if it would prove his point, he straightened up and moved his pelvis around. If he hadn't been wearing pants it would have been a better demonstration, but they were in his office and with his luck it would have been Sesshomaru that would walk in when his pants were around his ankles.
Kagome was glad he was wearing pants. Even nicknaming his pinwheel gyration the "wind scar" didn't seem to deter him from doing it. It's like he found out he could do it and it's become his new "private party trick" for her, despite the rolling laughter it results in. "You're lucky I love you," she muttered, turning back to the computer.
Kikyo, while not enjoying the possibility of being caught, couldn't help but take pride in her designs. She sat back in her chair and stretched the kinks out of her back. It had taken only a week to design the print for the boxes themselves, and she had gone a step further and created filler designs for the tissue paper, labels with the mock company logo, and the insert cards. Those would have to be printed later, since not all of the items had come to her cousin's house just yet. She had no clue what Kagome ordered, and from the expression on Inuyasha's face when he told her, she was better off not knowing.
Then again… she had organized her cousin's bachelorette party with Kagura, so she'd seen her fair share of tasteless items. Kikyo snorted softly. How someone could be so innocent and a future father was baffling. Kagome must've not gone into much detail about that party.
Her computer beeped, signaling the file had completed its transfer to the thumb drive. Kikyo removed the drive from her computer and got up to deliver it to Kagura. She found the youkai not in her office, but her husband's.
"It's ready?" Kagura's eyes lit up as she took the thumb drive and inserted in into Sesshomaru's computer. After a few clicks she looked up again. "You're brilliant, sweetie."
"I take it this is for my brother's hairbrained idea of revenge?" The older inu youkai shifted to look over Kagura's shoulder. She had made herself a seat in his lap and had refused to budge. He'd hoped that Kikyo's arrival would have made her get up, but no such luck.
"Darling if you had any idea what was going in these boxes, you'd take that back."
"He passed off a dried bull penis to me. Tell me how this idea is not ridiculous."
Kagura grinned. "I never said it wasn't. Just wait. Kagome's going to let me know when all the stuff comes in. she wants us all to come over-"
"Probably to see the evidence before it's destroyed," Kikyo deadpanned.
Sesshomaru grunted, tapping the screen. "You said this was a mock order, correct? You'll need to create an invoice for each box."
His wife waved her hand dismissively. "Already done."
There was one tiny problem that Kagome hadn't anticipated when she placed her order from the adult website. She hadn't counted on a case of nesting fever to kick in two nights later that led to buying a lot of baby items. Now that packages were arriving almost every day, boxes of all sizes were taking over her living room.
At least the adult boxes weren't marked as such, so the postal driver wasn't scarred for life. Unfortunately, some of the baby boxes weren't marked either, which left the couple playing a fun game of "will it make Inuyasha blush?". Kagome had been the only one to find it amusing.
"Wench, this is some sick shit."
Kagome shrugged as she sorted the opened boxes. Baby items would go to the room that would be the future nursery, the rest would sit in the box until the other conspirators arrived. "You weren't complaining about those silk ties that I got at my bridal shower."
"That's different," he huffed.
"How is that any different than this?"
The hanyou's cheeks turned pink. "B-because!"
"Because why?" It was amusing her to no end that for as much as he was capable of saying and doing in the bedroom, he could still get embarrassed. It was one of the things she loved about him.
The doorbell ringing saved Inuyasha from answering that question. He shot to the front door, throwing it open to reveal Sesshomaru and Kagura. "I am so glad to see you," he said with a big grin.
"Somehow I doubt that," his brother replied dryly. He hadn't wanted to be present for this…whatever it was exactly, but there was a small part of him that was curious.
Three hours later when they left to pick Rin up from her dance lessons, Sesshomaru wished he hadn't been curious at all. It was one thing to know that such items existed, but he'd have rather not seen his wife or sister-in-law handle and talk about said things so casually. The only saving grace about that afternoon was that the hanyou looked just as uncomfortable.
Ayame and Sango had decided to wait a couple days before "delivering" their respective boxes to their boyfriends. It had to be the same day, just in the off chance one were to warn the other of the ruse and ruin the entire stunt. The female ookami steeled her features as she walked into the living room, placing the box on the coffee table before Koga.
"What's this?" He looked up at her in surprise. If she gave any indication that she knew what was inside, she hid it well.
"It's a subscription box," Ayame answered, "I saw it online and thought you might like it."
Elsewhere in town, Sango was following the same "script" they had concocted, almost verbatim. Miroku looked at his box curiously, trying to recall if he'd ever seen a subscription box named "Nirvana Now" online.
Koga wrinkled his nose. "Okami crate? They ain't one for originality, are they?"
"It's a small up and coming company," both women explained. "They're trying to cater to people with themes you don't find as easily."
As the seals on the boxes were broken and the lids lifted, Sango and Ayame waited with bated breath for the first reactions.
"A Twilight DVD?"
Confused, both men pulled the next items out of their box, and this was the point where their girlfriends began to struggle to keep a straight face. The boxes were small, able to fit in the palm of the hand.
"It's a Buddha."
Sango smiled innocently. "For your car dashboard."
Koga stared at the little plastic wolf until Ayame presented his laptop. "Plug it into the usb port." The box said it was 'entertaining', but didn't go beyond that, to her relief. The surprise on his face when the toy started humping the laptop was better than any other reaction she'd expected. "What else is there?" she prodded, turning his attention back to the box.
"It looks like…paws?" Upon further inspection, Koga announced that they were gloves covered in a brightly, dyed red faux fur.
Miroku was growing more concerned with his box. The next item he pulled out was a costume. He looked at Sango, unsure as he held out the bag. "I think this is for you."
Sango, not having seen the whole costume, couldn't contain the bark of laughter as she saw the model on the package. "No," she shook her head, pointing to the label, "I put your size in when I ordered the box. I thought it'd just something like a t-shirt."
0"And instead they send me a sexy nun costume." He wasn't even catholic! Then again, it did fit with the DVD… he shook his head, removing the next item from the box. It was a smaller box, and after fumbling to get it open…he immediately wished he hadn't.
For that matter, Koga was feeling the same way.
"This…is not a rosary."
"Why…is there a tail?"
Their girlfriends couldn't contain the laughter then, more from their expressions than the items themselves. That case of cackling had gotten out of their systems when they first saw the items at Kagome's. the only thing that could've been funnier was Inuyasha's look of horror upon seeing them firsthand. "What's wrong?"
"This is not a rosary, Sango."
"Why is there a tail?!"
"No, no look. See, it says… 'Pray then lay'. That sounds like it's right up your alley-"
"It most certainly does not!"
"Think about it Koga," Ayame tried to reason. "It is a wolf-themed box."
"THIS IS NOT GOING IN MY ASS!" Both men had shrieked so loudly that it was a wonder they hadn't heard the other. It had taken some time to calm them down after that, and both made a mental note to make it up to Kagome for the choice of toys she had selected. That was one thing they hadn't had an idea for, and they were so, so thankful their friend was just as twisted as they were.
There was just one item left in each box, and it took some prodding just to get the men to take the boxes out. Aside from the specialized labels Kikyo had printed, the boxes were almost a foot long and narrow.
Sango had pinched the cheat card, pretending to be the curious girlfriend, when really she wanted to keep Miroku from peeking the last item. "I think this last one's the edible treat they mentioned on the website."
"I really hope it's not edible underwear," he muttered, lifting the lid on the box. He'd tried buying them once for Sango, mostly as a joke, only to discover they tasted terrible. "…Oh. Well."
Koga looked up from his box tiredly. This whole unboxing had been a rollercoaster of reactions. "I'm afraid to ask if this chocolate dick is solid or hollow."
"Not sure, but it doesn't look like it has nuts…"
"Fucking hell, Ayame…"
Three days later, Miroku happened to cross paths with Koga in the grocery store. It was one of those times where neither had gotten very far into their lists, so the two opted to walk the aisles together. It wasn't until they came upon the candy aisle that Koga visibly grimaced.
"Okami have an aversion to chocolate?" Miroku asked.
"…Not exactly." Koga pushed the cart further down the aisle. "Okay, well I might be avoiding the stuff for a while."
"Oh?" Miroku figured that he'd just overeaten on the sweet, but when Koga started to mention how he'd gotten a chocolate phallic-shaped appendage in a subscription box, his eyes widened. "You said subscription box?"
"-Ordered it online?"
"How'd you know?"
"Sango got me one. Some small company that curates to lesser-used themes."
"And religion," Miroku nodded. "Though I don't feel like anything about that box was religious."
Koga had started to ask what all was in his box but Miroku stopped him, explaining that it was too "adult" to be discussed on the bread aisle. That had only piqued his interest more, so he hurried the human along to get the remainder of his list. He followed Miroku out to the parking lot with his purchases, and as the trunk was loaded with bags, Miroku unloaded in great detail about the contents of his custom box. Koga quickly rattled off what was in his box before he lost his nerve, because the silence that followed was awkward as hell.
"What do you think possessed Sango and Ayame to do this?" Miroku finally asked. "These don't seem like genuine subscription boxes."
"So we were set up?" Koga scratched his chin and thought. "Last time I remember Ayame getting' mad at me was when we put that gift…basket-SONOFABITCH!"
Realization had kicked in for both of them.
"This was an outside job."
"That mutt was in on this! I just know it!"
"You have to admit that he got us good."
Koga opened the passenger side door of Miroku's car and started searching for his phone. "How are you so damn calm about this? There it is-" Grabbing the phone he swiped the screen and began searching for a number. "And you're still going to stick that thing in your car?" he added, holding the phone to his ear.
Miroku shrugged. "If you make a turn sharp enough turn it really makes his head shake."
"Oh…Inu…" Kagome squirmed under her husband's touch, his claws tickling her sides as he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of her panties. His lips left a trail of featherlight kisses between the valley of her breasts as he moved downward. As he reached the small swell of her stomach, he couldn't hide the grin of pride as he looked back up at her.
"Do you have any idea how fucking beautiful you look right now?" Inuyasha didn't expect an answer. Lately she'd been feeling down about gaining weight, and today he'd had enough. He pushed up on his hands to really look at her. Kagome's hair was spread out across the pillows, her bared skin was flushed, and each breath she took drew his gaze to the rise and fall of her breasts. She'd always been beautiful to him, but since she had learned of the pregnancy, there was something…ethereal about her.
And it drove him fucking crazy.
Inuyasha leaned forward and kissed her before returning to his previous position. She hadn't thought she was desirably – bullshit – and he was intending on showing her just how much he desired her. He dropped a delicate kiss to her stomach as he moved lower. Kagome may have said that she didn't feel sexy, but her scent didn't lie. She really liked his attentions. Inuyasha lay on his stomach as he parted her thighs, inhaling her scent. He was going to enjoy making her forget every thought she had about –
He froze. "What the hell?!" Here he was, about to go to town, and she calls out to him like a shop attendant? He knew he was doing a damn good job at making her forget, but this was some shit –
"Inuyasha, it's for you."
The hanyou stared dumbly at the cordless phone that Kagome held in front of her. When the fuck had the phone rung?! It wasn't helping matters that she was dangling the phone between her open thighs at him, like it was supposed to distract him from his goal in that moment. She looked to be on the verge of laughter and he wasn't sure why.
Finally he took the phone. "Yeah." He had been about to make his wife scream his name; Inuyasha was past the point of pleasantries.
"YOU FUCKING WANKER!"
"Who the hell –"
"A butt plug with a faux wolf tail?! REALLY?!"
"We won't even discuss the anal rosary!"
"Again – who the hell –" Once it hit him who he was talking to, Inuyasha nearly barked with laughter. "Don't try to pin that freaky shit on me – that was your girlfriends' doing!"
"That's such bullshit!"
"Koga – it does sound like them. Remember what they said about the bachelorette party?"
"I did suggest the chocolates," Inuyasha cut in. "Now I have some important work to attend to, so do us all a favor and eat a dick."
Kagome didn't start laughing until Inuyasha slung the phone across the room. "I guess they found us out."
"Suppose so," he replied, getting back into his previous position.
"W-wait, Inuyasha-! You don't mean you're still going to-"
"Woman, you'd have to be out of your mind if you think I'm gonna let that phone call stop me." He grinned devilishly up at her, and she couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up. "I have every intention of making you squeal. Now where was I? Oh yeah…"