Chapter 1: The Breakdown
“Thanks, you guys. This makes me feel a lot better.”
Thomas exhales, his sides sinking back down into their spots inside his mind.
A stray thought drifted into his mind, wondering why they were the way they were.
Why did he choose to share these moments with the world?
This was himself, broken down to his essentials.
And he was comfortable showing them?
He was still uneasy about the warning he had to place before… the Duke’s episode. This wasn’t his standard content but he did have a lesson to teach.
Never to be done again, though. He wouldn’t alienate his audience like that.
If it was a side of him, it would be shown as little as possible.
Something twists in Thomas’s stomach. Wasn’t that… dishonest?
No, he decides. It wasn’t dishonest. He was protecting them from Remus and his potentially triggering content.
He puts the recording equipment away, trying to calm himself.
He felt… alone.
So he called one of his friends.
Ten minutes later, Joan was crunching Cheetos on Thomas’s couch.
“I just feel like I shouldn’t be doing this sometimes. Like my issues are weird and wrong and I need to keep it from my viewers.”
He’s laying on the couch looking at the ceiling, pondering.
“Thomas, the work you do with the sides helps people every day. You opening up and sharing those issues helps make other people feel seen.”
“Not recently. They haven’t even been helpful.”
“What do you mean? DWIT helped a lot of people and you know that.”
“I’m-“ not talking about the episodes. He thought, keeping his mouth shut.
“Thomas, buddy, you’ve been super strange lately, please tell me what’s going on.” Joan asks in a serious tone, their brown eyes pleading.
“I told you. They’re not being helpful. I can’t listen to them all the time.”
“What- you can’t listen to them all the time? Thomas, you’re not supposed to use these episodes as a moral rule book.”
“I’m not talking about the episodes, Joan.” Thomas’ voice is low, still, and on the verge of trembling.
“Where do the sides exist outside of the episodes?” Joan looks confused.
“Here. With me. All the time.”
“Oh my god can you see them?” Something in Joan’s tone changed.
“Why didn’t you tell us you could see them-“
They whipped out their phone.
“Talyn and Cam are coming over, this qualifies as an emergency.”
“Joan, please, please don’t call me crazy.”
“I know you’re not crazy, what I don’t know is how they interact with you. I want to find out exactly what’s going on and for that I need witnesses.”
We can’t let them do that, Thomas. You shouldn’t have opened your mouth.
Joan is my friend, he thought.
Do you think they want to know all your dark, twisted secrets-
“Joan. I love you and I know you want the best for me. But some parts of myself I can’t show on camera. It’s too dangerous.”
“Thomas, what the fuck are you on about? Nothing in your mind is dangerous, you just have Disney villains calling some shots. And it sounds like they should shut the fuck up.” Joan reasons, putting a hand on Thomas’s shoulder.
“Nothing about you is evil or bad.”
“You don’t know that-“ Thomas breaks away, squeezing his head between his hands.
“I’ve been friends with you for years-“
“And you think you know everything about us?”
Thomas turns around, voice distorted, eyes glowing yellow.
“Joan, you’re lucky we’ve hidden these parts from him for this long, or your precious friend would be long gone.”
“Who…” Joan exhales shakily, trying to wrap their mind around the scene unfolding in front of them.
“Who am I talking to, right now. Deceit?”
A curled lip smirk graces what used to be their friends’ face.
“The one of many.”
“Okay, uh, can I talk to Thomas?”
“You just don’t want to admit the truth.”
“I know you’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass since 'Can Lying Be Good?' Give him his sanity back.”
“In order to get the goods of the piñata of life, he must take off the blindfold. The second he understands that, I’ll let up.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean-“
“Shit that’s Talyn and Cam-“
The door opens, smiling faces breaking the tension as the yellow fades.
“Hey Talyn! Hey Cam! Joan was just talking about you guys.” Thomas’s tone sounds compressed.
“Yeah, they said it was an emergency… but you look okay.”
“I’m fine now, just had to get some things off my chest.”
“Bullshit. He’s being possessed. By his sides. Which are spiritually real.”
Silence falls at Joan’s accusation.
“Right now, it’s not him at the helm of his mind.”
Cam looks at who he thought was Thomas.
“Okay… so who is?”
“Nobody! It’s me, I swear, pinkie promise!”
Thomas looks desperate at Joan’s glare.
“Deceit. You can prove it by this.”
Joan turns back to their friend.
“What color are you?”
“Thomas doesn’t have a color.”
Talyn and Cam reel at the distorted voice.
“Fine. It’s me, nobody’s favorite reptile. Now what?”
“Now we call the ER-“
“Talyn, no. This is something that needs to stay here.”
“You can’t get rid of me. They’ve tried. Do you know how destructive it is to have murder attempted on you? Thankfully he came to his senses.”
“I… what the fuck is going on?” Cam looks confused.
“There are parts of Thomas that I hide. Not you, nor the audience he holds so dearly, are permitted to see these parts. It would eat him up inside if you all, his closest friends, knew the twisted things he thought and did.”
“He’s not killing people, right?” Talyn asks, combing through their brightly colored hair nervously.
“Of course not. Even I have standards. Murder isn’t something he can pull off anyway.”
“That’s… somewhat calming. I think. If it’s not murder… what is it?” Joan asks, curious.
“That’s not my secret to tell. In fact, I was the one in charge of hiding it.”
“So, even if we can’t know… can we at least know if it makes him feel better? Are you looking after his well being?” Talyn says.
“No unintentional harm will come to Thomas. You have my word.”
“Don’t you mean intentional harm? Like you won’t hurt him on purpose?”
“My words are a tricky thing. But I can swear Thomas will be better because of it.”
“Tell us you won’t hurt him.” Joan demands.
“I promise I’ll hurt him.”
Deceit knows he’d have to pull some verbal trickery to keep the secret and the promise. By fooling Joan into thinking he was promising not to hurt Thomas, no promises were actually broken and no secrets were exposed.
“Tell us you won’t hurt him, why is that so hard?”
Talyn implores, a frown on their face.
“It’s more complicated than you think it is. I have it handled. Let me take care of him. He’s in my care.”
“Are we seriously gonna trust this guy?” Cam asks, turning to Joan and Talyn.
“I am Thomas! He isn’t taking part in anything he doesn’t, on some level, agree to!”
Joan gets more confused.
“You know what, this sounds like a really personal problem. Call us back when you’re done arguing with yourself. Please, Thomas. I know you’re in there. Don’t let him win.”
The door closes and Deceit materializes, grabbing Thomas by the chin.
“You almost blew it. Leave the talking to me.”
“Shut up. God, shut up.”
Deceit shoved him backwards and starts pacing.
“I’m the only reason your friends haven’t clutched their pearls and called you a freak. Appreciate my services for what they’re worth.”
“Dee, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ruin what you planned I just hate lying to them-“
“Would you rather tell them the truth? Tell them what goes on that twisted mind of yours? Tell them you feel you’re nothing but a host to a bunch of parasites and you want them to eat you alive?”
“Pick up the phone then, Thomas. Tell them you spend your nights crying as your pride wounds you. And you wanted more.”
Thomas is rendered speechless, the wind knocked out of him.
“I- I… What should I do, Dee? What do you want me to do?” He blinks, mind falling into a space it was newly familiar with.
“Never do that again. Understand? If I say we keep our mouths shut, don’t disobey me.”
“Yes, Dee.” He gulps. “I… I will keep my mouth shut.”
“It’s so frustrating when you think you have the moral high ground. Really, it throws a wrench in my plans. Especially when your morals disagree.”
“Hey, Thomas. Heard you wanted to babble to your friends?”
“Patton-“ Thomas sighs in relief. “You’re here, thank goodness.
“I’m shocked, Thomas. I thought we agreed as a family this wasn’t something to be shared. Are we not enough for you?”
Something twists in Thomas’s stomach.
“I don’t think he thinks so.”
“How sad. It’s like he doesn’t know how much we love him.”
“Roman, Logan, Virgil, Remus? Mind showing yourselves?” Patton asks.
The missing sides pop up, all with a disappointed look on their face.
“Thomas, what the fuck was that?” Virgil scolds, shadows swirling around him.
“Do you want to lose us? The one thing that makes you special?” Roman says, walking behind Thomas.
“You can’t function without us. You need us. In a way they would never understand.” Logan says.
“Look at him, he’s trembling!” Remus squeals. “Feeling the consequences of your actions now, little bitch?”
Thomas squeezes his eyes shut.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I love you guys more than the world, I don’t want to lose you, I need you-“ He breaks into a sob as the six sides surround him, hugging him and then pulling away.
“That behavior isn’t acceptable and you know it, Thomas.” Patton says, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Without us…” Roman begins.
“I’m nothing but an empty shell.” Thomas finishes.
“There’s a good boy.” Patton smiles, looking towards the other sides.
“I think we’ve berated him enough. He’s learned his lesson.”
Some skeptical looks from the other sides are shared.
“And if he hasn’t, we’ll do what is necessary.” Deceit says.
“Thomas, don’t you have a deadline for that sponsorship email to take care of?” Logan asks.
“I do. I’ll go take care of it.”
It’s a few hours when Thomas is scrolling through Instagram that Roman comes over, sitting down next to him.
“Who’s that dude?” Roman asks, curious.
“His name is Michael. He followed me a week ago.”
“That’s his insta you’re scrolling through.” Roman pauses. “If you accidentally like his picture, he’s going to know you were stalking him.”
“Yes you are, you’ve sat here doing this for thirty minutes.”
“Okay, so what? It’s not like I’m brave enough to act on any of it.”
“Thomas, what an attitude! Is that any way to speak to your prince?”
“Maybe if you let me breathe every so often-“
Thomas’s phone is yanked out of his hands and thrown aside.
Roman’s hands are pinning his shoulders into the back of the couch as the red side looms over him, face set in determination.
“I said, is that any way to speak to your prince?” Roman’s voice was lower.
“N-no. Your Highness.”
Roman shifts at the nickname, knowing what it meant.
“I’m taking Thomas to my room.” he announces, grabbing his hand.
The door to Roman’s kingdom closes, sealing Thomas’ fate.
“What is this, the second time this week? Roman keeps jumping on him before any of us can and it’s just not fair.” Virgil complains.
“It’s easier for Roman to sense when that’s going to happen. That’s more his area.” Logan says.
“Remus, let us know when he plans on acting up again so we can get a turn.” Virgil says, playing with his hoodie strings.
“Will do, Jackoff Skellington.”
Groans were heard all around.
Logan notices Thomas’s phone going off with a text notification.
‘done dealing with that snake bastard yet?’
“Give me the phone.” Deceit demands, snatching it from Logan.
‘yeah he left as soon as patton told him he’d take care of the situation’
‘and what situation is this exactly’
‘a personal one i can’t talk about’
‘i mean it’s not a good idea to’
‘when have you ever shied away from venting to us’
‘this is different’
‘i’m coming back over’
‘you need to get out of your own head’
“Shit.” Deceit says. “I’ll impersonate him, it’ll be fine. Don’t take him from Roman’s room.”
“I’ll clean this place up a little.” Logan offers.
It’s a few moments later when Joan busts through the door, seeing the sides in all their individuality.
“Oops.” Patton says as Joan’s jaw almost hits the floor.
“Holy shit.” they say, shocked. “You’re real.”
“I would hope we aren’t, for your sake.” Logan says.
“This is the coolest thing ever oh my god-“ Joan looks around, doing a head count.
“Where’s Roman? For that matter, where’s Thomas? And I don’t want to know where bowler hat man is, spare me the details.”
“Roman is fighting an evil beast, or so he told me.” Virgil says, deadpan.
“Thomaaaas! Joan came back!” Patton exclaims.
Deceit comes out, having raided Thomas’s closet for what he thought was an appropriate outfit.
“Hello, Joan.” he says, smiling, teeth not showing.
“You’re not freaking out over me seeing the sides?” Joan asks, confused.
“I mean, I told you. What more reason would I have to be freaked out? Just wait until you see their rooms.”
“How real is this?” Joan asks.
“As real as you want it to be.”
“Thomas you seem really weird, are you sure…. you’re you?” Joan turns to Thomas, not sure if they saw their friend or someone else more sinister.
“I promise I’m the same person that beat your ass in MarioKart on Wednesday.” Thomceit rolls his eyes.
“Hey now that’s because we did 200cc races-“
“Wow. I can’t believe you guys are real.” Joan rubs the side of their face.
“How do you live like this every day?” they ask Thomas.
“Lots of banter and lots of chaos.”
It’s then Virgil’s head pops up.
“I have to go help Roman, be right back.”
A few moments later, Virgil has disappeared while a mildly flushed Roman has reappeared.
“Hello, dear Joan! What a wonderful surprise.” He says, holding his arms out for a hug.
Joan pats the side of Roman’s arms in disbelief.
“So you can take physical forms-“
“All kinds!” Remus throws his arms up. “One time, i was a Kraken from Pirates of the Carribean-“
“Remus! Shut up!” Thomas hisses. “Nobody wants to know where that story leads. Or ends.”
“Ooookay, not quite what I expected but he is your intrusive thoughts so I get it.” Joan says, laughing.
“He’s a bit more than that-“ Thomceit chuckles.
“Then what is he, Thomas? Because you seem awfully comfortable around him now compared to the last interaction you told me about.”
Deceit shifts under Joan’s tone.
“He’s a part of me. Unfortunately. I have to deal with his bullshit just like how I have to deal with everyone else’s.”
“Yep, okay that’s enough out of you, snake man. I was trying to figure out which one of you was who. I know Thomas isn’t here. Or he would have been happier. Relieved. Smiling with the sun beaming out of his face.” Joan's face hardened into a glare.
“You can never smile like he can.”
Deceit’s face snarls, scales shining through.
“Where he’s located is none of your business.”
“Logan. Buddy. Please. Tell a pal where to find Thomas?”
“Sorry Joan, I’m afraid I can’t do that. Even if I wanted to.”
“Even if you- asshole!” Joan looks on, shocked.
“Which one of you is hiding him? Why?”
Virgil comes thundering down the staircase.
“We have him. He’s fine.”
“He’s not yours. He has friends outside of his head.”
“We will decide what he does.” Virgil is more insistent now, smoky purple tendrils lurking.
“We are him. Do you not trust him?” Logan asks.
“I don’t trust him.” Joan points to Deceit. “And right now, for some fucking reason, he’s the ringleader.”
“You don’t want to see Thomas right now. He’s compromised.” Roman says, a last attempt at trying to shake Joan off.
“I don’t care. Where the fuck are you keeping my best friend?”
A silent decision is reached.
“Remus. Go get him.” Deceit orders.
The green side comes back with Thomas slumped next to his shoulders, barely conscious.
He was not looking okay.
He had red marks and burns almost everywhere. His eyes were wet from crying. His lips were red and puffy.
His legs were weak and his throat was hoarse, every muscle in his body begging for him to lie down.
His breath was shaky, the effects of Virgil's room leaving a dark residue under his eyes.
“Joan… what are you doing here…” he croaks.
Joan was stone, rooted to the spot, unable to process what was happening.
“What happened?” they ask, heart pounding.
A weak smile forms on Thomas’s face.
“Just doing some self exploration. You know how it is.”
“Thomas Foley Sanders, what the actual fuck is going on?”
“No, you’re really fucking not! I can see you really, really injured!”
“And none of you are doing anything about it- Remus what the hell- ARE YOU TAKING A FUCKING PICTURE-“
Joan turns to their friend, waiting for Thomas to explain himself.
But he never does.
Chapter 2: Displacement
The aftermath of the Incident.
It had been 24 hours since The Incident, as Thomas had dubbed it.
Joan had sent text after text apologizing for running out on him, trying to explain the whole thing just overwhelmed them, that they were willing to sit down and listen if Thomas could just please text them back-
Thomas knew the truth. Deceit was right. Joan couldn’t bear to see Thomas in his ‘true form’.
“Isn’t this exactly what we said would happen, darling?” he remembers the scaled side telling him after Thomas broke down crying upon Joan’s exit.
It truly broke him, seeing one of his closest friends look at them with such shock and concern and horror.
“They’ll come back, right? They won’t leave me?” Thomas asked, shaking.
“Shhh, kiddo you’ll be okay. We’re right here. We’re never gonna leave you.” Patton said, hugging Thomas and patting his hair.
“No matter what happens, we’ll always be here for you, sugarplum.” Roman presses a kiss to his forehead.
His breathing steadies, hands still shaking. Virgil squeezes it gently, support in his touch.
“Thanks, guys. I feel better now.”
“You haven’t had the glitter bath yet, Thomas! Isn’t that your favorite part?” Patton asks.
They both leave to heal Thomas’s wounds, while Logan gathers the other sides.
“So. How do we deal with this most recent development?” he asks, hands on the table.
“It’s clear Joan doesn’t approve of whatever they think is happening. They believe we’re putting Thomas in danger.” Roman says.
Deceit arches an eyebrow. “How many times are we going to need to explain to them that We. Are. Thomas.” He punctuates each word with an angry foot tap.
“Do they believe us? Do they think we’re some sort of demon system taking over Thomas’s body?” Remus asked, waving his hands around for emphasis.
“Joan has hated me ever since I suggested Thomas lie to them about the play reading.” Deceit says, eyes set in a glare. “They probably think I’m an evil demon come to take their precious friend from the clutches of innocence.”
“You’ve done somewhat of an acceptable job if Joan thinks we’re innocent.” Virgil snarks, throwing a glare toward his reluctant partner in crime.
“So at some point, it is understood that we must explain to Joan what we are and how we function.” Logan pulls a notebook and pen out of nowhere, scribbling intently. “Also while keeping our dynamic vague and somewhat secret.”
“I can’t even begin to think of how we could explain what we are to Joan.” Roman muses.
“I can. ‘Hey I’m Thomas and I’m a masochist with clones of myself. Guess where that ends up-’” Remus gets cut off by a smack on the arm by Deceit, which was probably not the best move upon realizing Remus wiggled his eyebrows at him and muttered “Do it harder next time.”
Logan’s shoulders lower in exasperation. “Can you keep it in your pants for ten minutes while we attempt to fix the dilemma we put ourselves in?”
“Yeah, come on Oscar the Casting Grouch.” Roman pipes up, earning a confused look from Virgil.
“Because he’s green and stinky, and Casting Grouch sounds like Casting Couch which is-”
Roman is cut off by Deceit, his own hand clapping over his mouth while he mutters in protest.
“Spare us the details, Hellmo.”
“Enough with the Sesame street jokes, I’m having sock puppet flashbacks.” Virgil holds his hand up with his eyes squinted shut, remembering the painful puppeteering and problem solving of a few episodes ago.
“I believe the term that would best fit here is ‘Put a sock in it, Roman.’” Logan says with no humor. “Now, since I made the last quip, can we please get back on task?”
“What was the task again, Teach?” Roman asks, rooting around in the cupboard.
“Roman we are metaphysical entities, we don’t require food, what in the name of Galileo are you doing-”
“Why don’t we just tell Joan that?” Roman says, coming back to the table with a packet of cookies.
“Roman put those back-”
“Are those cookies? Don’t mind if we do.” Patton, coming back, snags one for himself and one for Thomas, who is curled into his side.
Logan has the expression of a side who has given up on life completely.
“Okay, so our options are to fabricate a lie about how there was a hallucinogen in Thomas’s ventilation-”
“Which is not happening because I don’t think I need to go over /again/ that we are not lying to Joan!” Patton angrily points at Deceit with his cookie.
“-or explain to Joan how things truly are. All of it.” Logan looks at the rest of the sides, unsure.
“...Meaning the hurting?” Thomas says, voice weak.
“That’s up to you, Thomas.”
“Should it be?” Deceit interjects. “Thomas doesn’t make decisions in his best interests. He makes them in his friends’ best interests. Where will that get us? Lost and alone.”
“I think we should tell Joan what we are, scientifically, and leave the pain part out.” Roman suggests, crunching on his cookie. “If they ask, we can say Thomas tried to help me fight a beast and got hurt.”
“So a lie of omission. At the least.” Patton says, arms now crossed.
“It’s the truth or the friendship, Patton. Which one are you trying to throw away?” Deceit hisses.
Patton looks at Thomas. “Fine. Only because we want Joan around. Don’t think this is a win.”
The sides and their host disperse, all with confusing feelings about the days ahead.
Thomas finally answers Joan’s texts.
-sorry, was taking some time to heal
-you’re okay!! That makes me happy to hear.
-yeah, doing much better now
-can i come over? Did you get checked up by a doctor?
-i’m fully healed now
-that’s great, thomas
-can i bring snacks
-when would i ever say no to that question?
-depends on who’s at the wheel
-overstepped my boundaries, got it
-no i mean just. Forget it
-thomas i like you a lot but that entire ordeal is really hard to forget
-are you safe with them?
-they’re my home of course
Thomas looks at his phone, heart heavy. The truth was painful. Hell, the truth /was/ pain. The truth was that pain made him feel alive. Like he wasn’t stuck inside his own head. Like he was real.
Were they his home, or was he theirs?
thanks so much for the support, your feedback means everything to me
Chapter 3: Questions of Importance
Joan and Talyn converse. Thomas wallows in his shame. Roman thinks back to when he first felt a shift.
hi please don't hate me also here's my unbeta'd continuation
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Joan was confused. So very confused. They had been texting Thomas on and off for three days now, Thomas refusing to let them come over again after what had happened, claiming it would never be the same.
Joan knew Thomas needed an outside voice to cut through the manipulation he was hearing, the whispers and the voices they knew haunted their friend were turning him into something, someone else.
They paced their living room for the fifth time that afternoon.
“Talyn, is Thomas going to come back to the person he used to be?”
Talyn was sprawled on Joan’s couch, mind exhausted with concern for their friend. Talyn insisted they talk to a professional or something, because there were people, real live people, hurting their friend, and that needed to stop.
But it was Joan that changed their mind, saying this was a problem unique to Thomas, that it wouldn’t make any sense to anyone else. Cam had taken a few moments to try and ignore what he had seen, and worked on spreading the word to some of Thomas’s friends that he was sick at the moment, and he would be back to his normal self in a while. It was messy.
“I don’t think he ever was the person we thought he was.” Joan says, snapping Talyn out of their thoughts. “Maybe there were some parts we were never meant to know.”
“But he needs our help! He’s hurting!” Talyn protests.
“Maybe he is hurting. I don’t think that’s a mistake.” Joan answers, staring off into the distance trying to make sense of the puzzle thrust before them.
Back at Thomas’s house, where nobody but him resided, things were falling apart.
“They know. That’s a Pandora’s box we’re never going to be able to close.” Thomas said, sobbing. “They’re never going to look at me the same way again.” He hugged his knees to his chest, the gaping void in his chest swallowing him up.
Patton sat next to him, rubbing his back. “Thomas, we can’t change the way they think about us. And we can’t change what makes you, you. This was bound to happen eventually. If you mean as much to them as they mean to us, then things will work out. If they don’t, you have us. And that’s all you really need.”
“I haven’t been doing anything but hurting these past few days. I need them.” Thomas croaks.
“Why do you hurt, Thomas?” Deceit asks, arms crossed.
“Because… Because I’m a bad person. Because I’m selfish and an attention whore and can’t stand the spotlight being on anyone else. And bad people deserve pain. The hurt I feel is a reflection of how I make others feel.”
Patton winced, the feeling of what he thought was the truth bringing him shame.
Logan sighs, nodding his head in agreement. “During the mock court case it was decided you were guilty of being a bad person. The effects of that will have their consequences for a while. However, we can work on getting you to appear to be better. Your internal makeup will not change, but how you present yourself can.”
Remus twirled his mustache, sitting up. “Thomas, you knew when you met me we were all in for some deep shit. I don’t exist in a vacuum. When you were curious about a couple of my ideas, that was when you really descended. Curiosity killed the cat and the moral virtue. What a coincidence those things normally come together!” He hoots, seeing Thomas glare at him.
“Are you upset I exposed your dark desires? Thomas, I! Am! YOU!” He punctuates his words with claps. “You made me to be the bad guy that kidnaps you and locks you in the dungeon. I am just as real as everyone in this room.”
“But…” Thomas feels so alone. He was talking to himself. Again. “You guys aren’t real.”
Roman grabs his arm, making Thomas jump.
“Does this feel imaginary, pretty boy?”
Ever since the court case, Roman had been uncharacteristically mean to Thomas. His so called royal side had been a royal pain in the ass. Always griping about not getting what he wanted.
He’d started taking his anger out on Thomas, blaming him being soft for getting them ‘stuck in this swamp when we could be touching the stars’. His words went from flowery to sharp, twisting in Thomas’s psyche and keeping him up at night.
He’d been the first one to shove Thomas around, mocking him and his fragile heart. When that resulted in Thomas gravitating more towards him, he was a little confused.
Until he talked with Logan.
“It could possibly be a need for attention. Negative attention is still attention. Maybe he isn’t getting it from other places?” was the first theory the logical side came up with.
“That’s not true. He’s Patton’s baby.” Roman wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t that kind of side.
“So what do you have that he doesn’t?” Logan asks.
“A sword. And a jawline that can cut steel. Also, a royal title. And functioning eyes-” Roman stops bragging at Logan’s bespectacled glare.
“Roman. We have the same face.”
“Okay, so maybe we have a lot in common, but I’m better at presenting it. I’m the ideal version of Thomas. I should /be/ him for as well as I know him.” Roman threw his hands in the air, exasperated.
“Maybe that’s what he likes. Maybe he sees you as strong and wants to imitate your mannerisms.” Logan offers.
“Or he could just talk to me. It’s like he doesn’t want to fight back at all! When I call him names he just curls into himself and becomes this… weakling!” Roman’s voice is elevated, his face turning his signature crimson.
“Maybe he feels like he deserves the verbal slander you appear to be hurling.” Logan is visibly disapproving of Roman’s behavior.
“Doesn’t he?” Roman looks at Logan, waiting for the brains of their group to give his verdict.
“He believes he does. That makes it our internal judgement. If he was truly against you being rude to him, he would have made you want to stop.” Logan has another theory lurking at the back of his mind, something in a perspective he would have never looked at before.
“If he was… truly against it… so he’s not against it, just pretending to be.” Roman muses, having calmed down.
“Why would he pretend?”
“To play a character? Isn’t that what you theater types do?”
“Logan, shut up.” Roman slaps him on the arm.
“To play a role. He… he’s into this. He enjoys being degraded.” Roman’s eyes widen.
“I’m going to kill my brother. He did this. Had he not /fucking/ shown up none of this would have happened-”
“Roman! Stop.” Logan holds up his hand. “You didn’t think this through before you went on an emotion-fueled quest for revenge. Let this simmer for just a moment.” He begins to explain, “Thomas feels a sort of gratification from you being aggressive and mean. Maybe you could change your tactics to get him to tell you that himself. He’s never going to admit it until he says it out loud. This brings… opportunities for all of us. Do not mess this up, Roman.” He fixes the creative side with a steely glare and for a moment, Roman feels what Thomas felt.
He goes to talk to Thomas, a determination set in his heart.
i'm just using this fic to vent at this point but feedback is treasured
Chapter 4: Confessions
Roman confronts his problems. Thomas confronts his. They stare down in the living room and realize how much better off they could be.
Roman was anxious, which was not usually a trait he possessed. So much so that the purple side bearing that title stopped him when he was pacing down the halls.
“Hey, Roman, the fuck? What’s with the pacing?” Virgil asks, pulling him to the side of the hallway by his arm.
“I’m trying to think of the perfect way to approach the subject.” Roman groans, having racked his brain for hours on how to handle this very hot potato.
“What subject?” Virgil quirks his head, violet bangs softly sweeping across his eyelashes.
“Thomas… well, Logan hypothesizes that Thomas gets something out of being in pain.”
“So, a masochist.”
“It has a name?” Roman is shocked.
“I mean, if he enjoys being in pain? Yeah.” Virgil shrugs, sipping from a box.
“Is that grape juice?” Roman asks, seeing the purple container.
“What are you going to do if it is?” Virgil cocks an eyebrow.
“I’d assume you were the kid friendly version of Dionysus.” Roman joked.
“Trying to make me Greek to your Roman?” A groan is heard from the mentioned side, rolling his eyes in response.
“And now I will be Roman away from your attitude,” he says, throwing his hand up.
“That was objectively worse.” Virgil deadpans.
The veil that separates the world of the sides from the world of Thomas is thin, every day getting thinner. Every step Roman takes down the stairs solidifies the mental realm into the real world, his shining black shoes like staples pinning his imagined world to something real.
Roman knows he’s powerful, knows his strength is drawn from something truly special.
He had to wonder, did he create himself? Did his spirit work through Thomas to create everyone? How far apart were they? Who came first, the Sides or Thomas?
He shakes his head, wiping his mental slate like an Etch-A-Sketch.
This was real. Thomas was real. The ideas Roman wrestled with were very, very real.
When Roman found him, Thomas was watching The Good Place on the couch, a lifeless stare into the distance as it was obvious his mind was other places.
When Roman sat down next to him, the human tensed. Roman could feel his heartbeat pick up.
“Is everything alright, dear?” Roman bit his lip as the term of endearment slipped out, accidentally slipping a little too much.
“You of all people know it’s not.” Thomas sounded bitter.
“It’s a bit of a stretch to call me a person.” Roman remarked, trying to cut the tension.
It didn’t work.
“So what are you, Roman? What are we? What am I to you?”
“I…” Roman can’t find the words.
“I… I’m your Roman. We’re… attached. We fit into each other. And… you’re our Thomas. We… we love you, Thomas.” Roman feels like he’s been punched.
“So I’m really that lonely, huh.”
“You’re… not lonely.” Roman defends halfheartedly.
“Roman, tell me why I’m talking to myself right now.” Thomas says, running his hand through his hair in frustration.
“Listen, Thomas, I didn’t come here to be bossed around by someone who can’t stand up to himself and face the truth-” Roman snaps, fed up.
“You do realize I created you, right? You only exist because of me.” Thomas snaps back.
“Bullshit. You’re our physical form. You’re nothing but a vessel for us to exist in.” Roman’s words cut deep, hitting where it hurt.
“Then why do you keep touching me, if you’re not physical?” Thomas is almost shouting.
“I don’t know, Thomas, why do you want me to?” Roman yelled back, staring the other man down.
“Leave me alone, Roman.” Thomas shoves him backwards and gets up from the couch.
“Thomas, you can run from me, but you can’t run from who you are.”
Thomas whips around. “What do you know about who I am? I’m just your vessel, remember?” He sneers, upset.
“Because I feel the same way. I know how you feel. I see the same things you do. Your imagination is my realm, did you really think these things would slip from me?”
“Shouldn’t Remus be yelling at me right now instead?” Thomas didn’t understand Roman’s endgame.
“You’d rather get it from me.” He rolls his head, staring Thomas down.
Thomas balls his fists at his side, glaring back.
“You’re sick, Roman.”
“No, Thomas. You are.” The both of them fall quiet until Roman gets up from the couch and strides over.
“For what it’s worth… it’s not like anybody else would know.” Roman is quieter now, looking at Thomas in a way that makes the human feel vulnerable.
“Would it… help?” Thomas asks, heart pounding.
“Would you like to find out?” Roman sees Thomas flush red.
“This is ridiculous-” he covers his face with his hands. Roman gently grabs his wrists and pulls them away. The grip makes things so much more real.
“Thomas?” Roman asks, not sure what the rules in this situation were.
“I… just…” Thomas is nervous, but then he leans his head on Roman’s shoulder.
Roman feels him draw closer, needing something from him.
“...need to be out of my own head.” he finishes, Roman now rubbing his side.
Roman feels a weird tug in his chest. What the fuck was going on? Did he want to know?
“Thomas, is it strange to admit I have confusing feelings toward you?”
“It’s already strange. And right back atcha.” He murmurs into Roman’s neck, sending shivers down his back.
It’s when Thomas initiates the first kiss that Roman realizes how far gone he is, and by extension, all of the others are too.
Pulling away, Roman says, “I don’t know how we’re doing this.”
“I don’t care, I just need more of it.” There’s a more mutual sense of interest now, different from the antagonizing tension of earlier before.
The rest of the night is spent in a state of questioning, oneself and the ‘others’ around him.
Patton visits Thomas the next morning, catching him just as he awoke.
“Hey there. Mind if I talk with you?” he asks softly.
“Ugh…” Thomas is tired and sore. “I mean, do I have a choice?”
“Thomas… we love you. A lot.” Patton confesses. “Every single one of us thinks about you kind of like how Roman does.”
“All… all of you.” Thomas is too groggy to fully process this information.
“We were wondering if we could all kind of be… together? A lot of us like each other too and I just want us to be one happy family.”
“So… you know what, I’ve been thinking about this for weeks.” Thomas feels the heat rush to his face. “Please. Let’s all be together. That’s exactly what I want.”
And that’s how their strange relationship came to be.
i didnt expect to be invested in this fic oops
twt plug- @romanocheesie
feedback validates my soul
Chapter 5: Arguments of Behavior
Joan comforts Thomas. He feels a little better, until it's ruined. Logan has a plan.
Joan ends up coming over with Disney movies and snacks, and his sides are… quiet. They all leave him alone to spend time with his friend, and to tell them how he feels.
Thomas is understandably nervous. Virgil tried his best not to panic, but the situation was dire.
“Joan… I’m sorry for all the weirdness that’s been happening lately.”
Joan pauses the movie and turns.
“Thomas, I know you’re struggling right now, and I want to be there for you. I don’t expect an apology from you because I know it’s not your fault. Your issues don’t inconvenience me.”
“But I keep running away from confrontation of what’s actually going on-”
“So what do you think is going on, Thomas?” Joan’s timbre is warm, their concern for their friend feeling like a warm, fluffy towel.
“I think I’m being too hard on myself for being a bad person.”
“Thomas, I don’t know what your sides say to you, but you’re not a bad person. You only think that because of the ugly things they put in your head.”
“Joan… I’ve done some things that put me in a bad person slot.” Thomas thinks back to the court case episode.
“Dude, okay you still do good things, you just have bad thoughts sometimes.” Joan is trying their hardest to pull their friend out of the dark place he was in.
“Joan, I think I actually did something twisted.” Thomas flushes.
“Oh my god, you killed someone.” Joan assumes.
“No! No! I promise I have a clean record.” Thomas waves his hands around. “I just… well… did something with questionable implications. Also I probably should be kinkshamed.”
“You fucked one of the Sides.” Joan deadpans.
“How… was it obvious?” Thomas curls into the couch. This was mortifying.
“I mean you have clones of yourself, anyone would have given it a shot.” Joan shrugs. “So, now you feel like a terrible and sinful person. Nah. There are worse people. You’re still a good person, just with an interesting fact.”
“But… it’s like way worse than that.” Thomas explains.
“You know what, don’t go into any more detail. I don’t need to know about my best friend like that. Whatever you do on your own time is chill. I guarantee the nice and good things you’ve done outweigh the sins of your own curiosity.”
Joan moves their arm around their best friend. “You’re a great guy. If you can’t believe yourself, at least believe me. Thomas, you’re a good and kind soul.” They smile. “Say it with me.”
“I’m a good person.” Thomas says, a weight lifted off his shoulders.
Joan moves to give them a hug. Thomas accepts, letting go of all the worry and shame he had been carrying since the incident.
“Thank you, Joan. You’re too kind.”
Joan smiles, their best friend’s happiness finally lighting his face after a dark storm. Good. There was hope to be had yet.
After playful banter on the Disney extended canon, Joan needs to leave, and a void is emptied in Thomas’ heart when they do.
And of course, The Bastards appear.
Virgil creeps over Thomas’ shoulder. “They probably hate you and think you’re weird.”
“Can you, like, not? I’m trying to reconcile with myself.”
“Now why would you try and do that? You know you’re our little angel with broken wings.”
Deceit purrs, putting a hand on Thomas’ shoulder.
“Deceit, I’m just trying to like myself right now, please stop-”
“Thomaaas! Oh, my little caged bird.” Remus materializes, a grin on his face. “Wasn’t that just enlightening? You can do whatever you want without any consequence, because no matter how terrible you feel, everyone sees you as an angel! Doesn’t that sound delightful?”
“Go away, Remus, I don’t need your opinion right now.” Thomas closes his eyes in frustration.
“Oh, but you want it-”
Deceit swishes around to be in front of the human, argument at the ready.
“Thomas, it would be so much more fun if we just threw the concept of good and bad out the window and did whatever benefitted us the most. Doesn’t that sound at least a little appealing? I mean, it’s not like the people in power follow a moral code, so why should you?”
Patton slides up, arms crossed. “Remus. Dee. We’ve talked about this. Thomas is a good person because he follows a moral code. If Joan says so, and we trust them, that means I am back in charge of monitoring Thomas’ moral compass.”
Deceit rolls his eyes. “Patton, you suggested we all surround him after the court verdict and try and punish him for being a bad person, but now that Joan said something your opinion is suddenly changed? Stick to the morals you pretend to have.”
Patton tenses. “No more from you. Thomas, you need to listen to me now. You have interesting hobbies, and that’s okay. But you still need to be nice to others. No shark jumping or pinata smacking.”
“Oooh, Daddy’s laying down the rules!” Remus squeals.
“Nope. No. That’s not something we’re gonna deal with.” Thomas points at Remus. “You’re banned from using that word, and especially banned from calling Patton that.”
Logan rises up, confused. “Isn’t that a term for a parental figure?”
“Quite the figure-” Remus begins, but gets cut off.
“Enough! Remus, out!” Thomas snaps, glaring at the green side. “You have nothing helpful to add to this conversation.”
“Thank you, Thomas. I detest his style of persuasion.” Logan says. “This may come as a bit of a shock, but I would like to hear Deceit’s argument as to why dropping current moral codes would be more beneficial to Thomas’ goals.”
Thomas gapes in disbelief. “You’re listening to him?”
“I am giving him a chance to pitch his idea. Whether I will give it validation depends strictly on the content.”
Deceit grins, whipping up two podiums facing one another.
“You are in charge of Thomas’ efficiency, right?”
“That is correct.”
“So it would be beneficial if all obstacles impeding efficiency were removed, correct?”
“We may differ on what the definition of obstacles means in this context.” Logan stared Dee down, locked in a tug of war.
“Thomas cares so much about a lot of things. It’s dreadfully tedious to take care of such things. Which elements would you cut from his life given the chance? Remember, we’re not looking to avoid failure, but go after success.”
Logan tilts his head. “It’s not up to me to manage what Thomas does and does not care about, but if I could get rid of something, it would be activities with no obvious immediate benefit.”
Deceit smirks, knowing he’s close. “Such as, perhaps, parties or social gatherings?”
“Those events can be beneficial for networking, so not all of them. But if it does not benefit Thomas or contribute to his goals, it is worth considerably less.”
“So societally mandated things like weddings or baby showers, perhaps even family gatherings? We can still make ourselves out to be a good person if we skip those, just use the excuse of being busy and successful! While using the time we freed cutting those events out to become busy and successful.” An eyebrow raise from Logan tells Dee his words have landed.
“And how would you convince Patton? He would object to this.”
“He doesn’t need to be in charge. We could be. We can fake having morals. But we could also push Thomas further into where I know you see him succeeding.” A fanged smile graces the deceitful sides’ lips.
“If it’s for the benefit of Thomas, I see no problem in minimizing his role.” Logan concedes.
“What?!” Patton shrieks, shocked at the turn of events.
Thomas is taken aback. That… wasn’t good.
“Is Operation: Efficiency Without Blinders a go, Logan?” Deceit asks, stepping down from the podium and holding the logical side’s arm.
“I do believe so. Thomas, we are temporarily limiting Patton’s function in order to propel you further in your career.”
“You guys can’t do that!” Virgil objects.
“I would appreciate it if you also took some time off. Only step in during dangerous circumstances. Maybe be a little less concerned about how people might see us and focus more on what ulterior motives they may have.”
“You’re doing great already, Logan. You should have been in charge from the beginning.” Deceit croons, voice laden with victory.
“Don’t attempt to flatter me. Roman, you and your brother are now tasked with coming up with appropriate creative content for the ventures we pursue. Isn’t this what you both wanted?” Logan asks.
“Finally, a chance to become someone!” Roman exclaims.
“A chance to become the world’s greatest actor, to everyone around us!” Remus adds on, the two beginning to draft and brainstorm concepts and ideas.
“Patton, take this moment to analyze friendships and rank them from least to most important.” Logan orders, a clipboard in hand.
“They’re all important-”
“But some preside over others. That is how ranking works. Please don’t question us.”
Logan turns to Deceit. “If this crashes and burns, the blame falls squarely on you.”
“I promise I will make this the most effective period of time yet. Thanks, Logi Bear.” Deceit says, kissing Logan’s hand.
“Thomas? We have a lot of work to do.” Logan states.
A sinking feeling drops in Thomas’ stomach. What was going to happen? Was he going to come out of this okay?
More importantly, why was part of him interested in the outcome?
hey the comments on these are like life fuel to me i love every single one of you that's reading you motivate me so much this was a vent fic but now it's a full on exploration of character
also hint for a new character coming in ch 6: tiger
Chapter 6: Enter The Tiger
Roman and Virgil fight and find out something game changing. Thomas meets a guy who sweeps him off his feet.
It was three days into Logan’s tyranny when they received the promotional email. It was an opening for a photoshoot for a queer magazine that they requested Thomas partake in. Deciding this would be good for both rebranding and exposure, Logan directed they accept.
Roman complained to Virgil as they both stressed over the outfits to wear.
“It’s like, I enjoy the chance to stunt a bit, but is it worth the stardom if Logan’s bossing us around all the time?”
“Not to mention we risk coming off as a cold hearted asshole now that he put Patton in timeout. Patton cried when he made the list Logan asked him to make. That’s just cruel.” Virgil responded, trying to make Roman come to his senses.
“Not completely. Deceit says he can make Thomas fake being nice.” Roman counters.
“Faking it means he has a chance of being caught. And that’s terrifying.” Virgil is growing irritated with Roman for the third time that day. Dee knew Virgil and Roman had an iffy chance of getting along on any given day, not to mention when the stakes were this high, they tended to argue. Bastard, Virgil thought, rummaging through hangers. Did Deceit want him to suffer?
“Virgil, red is a color of confidence, I don’t understand why you think it’s too bright-”
“I didn’t say it was too bright, I said Thomas doesn’t have enough self confidence to be comfortable in that outfit, if you would listen to me instead of chasing the closest butterfly then maybe we wouldn’t be under a dictatorship right now!” Virgil hisses.
“Oh, so it’s my fault Thomas is too much of a pushover to take control of what he wants? That sounds like a Patton problem!” Roman accuses.
“Don’t bring him into this, you know for a fact Thomas won’t last like this, the guilt will break him.” Virgil can feel in his connection to their host that the situation was only getting worse. Logan’s agenda hurt him.
“Maybe Thomas won’t last. But we will.” Roman says, and Virgil sees a hunger for power in the creative sides’ eyes.
“What the fuck… Thomas doesn’t… We can’t… exist without him.” Virgil is now very, very unsure of who -or what- he is.
“That’s what he wants you to think.” Roman taps his head for emphasis.
Virgil can’t help but be reminded of the meme, making him snicker.
“Excuse me?” Roman says, offended.
“And everyone thought I was the conspiracy theorist.” Virgil snarks. “We’re /his/ sides.”
“He’s /our/ human.” Roman counters.
“Our human? Do we own him now?” Virgil questions, losing his grip on what meant what.
“If we wanted to. Think of the opportunities if we just… took complete control. I mean, we are still close to him, so he wouldn’t be doing anything he doesn’t want to do. We’d just… be a little pushy!” Virgil can see the starry eyed justification Dee fed Roman.
“He controls us, Roman.” Virgil says, defeated.
“He could. But he won’t. Which gives us free reign over whatever we can touch.”
“Couldn’t you just… go off and do it yourself?” Virgil asks. Something was coming to the surface.
“I just might if everyone else keeps trying to grab the reins.” Roman grumbles.
“Then do it. I dare you. Go outside with one of those outfits on.” Virgil is so, so nervous. Would this work?
“Maybe I will!” the prideful side exclaims, grabbing two hangers and storming out.
Twenty minutes later, all hell broke loose.
Roman was sitting on the couch, facing the rest.
“So you’re just as real as I am.” Thomas said, after moments of silence, after a part of himself /went rogue/ and showed up, took pictures, tweeted, /on his own/.
“This… significantly complicates things.” Logan says, obvious.
Deceit starts cackling. “Thomas! Thomas, do you know what this means?”
Remus, followed by Roman join in.
Deceit looks at Thomas. “Thanks to you, we are gods.”
The sides all disappear, deliberating amongst themselves, leaving Thomas more alone than he had been in months.
He has to do things by himself for the next few days, no whispers in his ear or voices in his head. After the first few hours of strange silence, he actually feels calm. He hadn’t had this since the sides decided to show themselves.
-joan… i have another problem
-did you set a towel on fire again
-no they're gone
-i think i broke them
-be over in 10
Joan shows up to a quiet house.
After Thomas explains what went down, they stare at the ceiling.
These were uncharted waters.
“Thomas, do not tell anyone else about this. Not your parents, not the hospital, not Twitter. Not a therapist or a cop or anyone. You are in Avengers-level threat territory.” Joan explains, trying to figure out which steps to take next.
About thirty minutes of interrogation later, Joan decides everything is fine. Well, fine-ish.
As long as they weren’t causing any trouble, they all were fine.
And everything is fine. Until the photoshoot, at least.
You see, the events that often bring the sides out of their hiding places have to do with very strong emotions. The more frontal the issue, the more intense their presence.
So when Vante Lindo, the freelance photographer contracted for the magazine photoshoot, shows up at the location of the shoot, Thomas goes into DEFCON 1.
He was an art piece brought to life, unlike any other man Thomas had seen before, wearing a maroon beret and a brown coat, golden brown hair sweeping over his eyes, absolutely ethereal.
“Thomas Sanders, right? It’s nice to finally meet you. I love your work!” His smile shows his teeth, reminding Thomas of a tiger. This man would be the death of him.
“H- hey. Vante?” Virgil was in full force, hearing all of the sides all at once, Thomas almost couldn’t handle it. He could hear his heart in his ears and felt himself being tugged in different directions.
A perfectly groomed eyebrow raised at him. Thomas felt personally attacked.
“Are you nervous? It’s normal to have some nerves before a shoot. It’s okay. I’ll help you through it.” Vante reassures.
“I’m… a little nervous.” He could hear swearing and hissing in the back of his mind.
“It’s alright. Just be yourself. I do most of the heavy lifting.” Vante was… beautiful in a way Thomas couldn’t describe.
“I want to be helpful, though-” A hand on his shoulder sends his thoughts into complete chaos.
“You already are. I couldn’t have asked for a better subject.” Vante guides him over to a stone bench, next to some flowers, the petals catching the evening glow.
“This is… really nice. Thanks for being so accommodating.” Thomas gushes.
He tries to ignore the screaming from between his ears.
About ten minutes in, with some soft clicks and gentle joking, Thomas hears… sentences. The sides had calmed down. Good. He thinks.
/There’s nothing stopping you from making out right now/
Damnit. Worse, definitely worse. He shakes his head, trying to yeet the thought out of his mind.
/Look at his collarbones he’s a god/
‘Go away.’ he mumbles. Vante’s head perks up like a dog hearing its name. Soft brown eyes turn a warm oak in the sunset.
“Is everything alright? Can I assist you?”
Thomas is about to McFreaking lose it.
Ten, tense minutes pass. Vante directs him in various poses, moving his angle and occasionally moving Thomas. Sometimes he doesn’t say anything, just tilts his chin or pushes his ankle with his toe. It lights a fire, somewhere. He can’t help but blush, just a little. Vante had him whipped.
“You’ve been rather quiet, Thomas.” Vante remarks. “If talking allows you to relax, feel free to chat my ear off. I like being a listener.”
“It’s fine.” Thomas says, trying to shove all these feelings back in a box. He hears a collective voice.
/We want him./
Thomas pales. No. No, he just got this good thing, he wasn’t going to lose it. Not to them. Not after how they treated him-
“Hey. Earth to Sanders.” It’s Vante, tapping him on the shoulder. “How much water have you drank today?”
“Probably not enough.” Thomas admits.
Vante hands him a metal waterbottle with The Scream wrapped around its circumference. Pure art hoe material. The bottle is cool to the touch, contrast with Thomas being a heated mess.
“Thanks.” Thomas takes it, unscrewing the cap as he takes a sip. Something about the way Vante stares at him has his heart beating a million miles an hour.
“So. Let’s talk. What’s on your mind? The human form expresses itself best in catharsis. I promise I won’t tell a soul.” His hand rests on top of Thomas’.
“I… It’s so incredibly complicated.”
“I have time. And a pair of ears. Let’s hear your tale.” Vante puts his camera down on the bench.
“Okay. This is absolutely crazy. Like… ghost level crazy. Like I saw Thor in my backyard crazy.” Thomas prefaces, knowing he absolutely shouldn’t give his biggest secret to someone he /just/ met- if Vante pulled a Hans on him he was dead and gone.
“I’ve seen angels and demons, try me.” Vante says, drinking from the waterbottle.
Thomas doesn’t know what to make of that sentence.
“I am made up of multiple identities.” Thomas starts.
“The sides. From your series. I knew they were more than they seemed.” Vante sounds triumphant.
“You- you looked at-” Thomas remembers Vante saying he loved his work. Ah. Okay.
“Yeah, they’re real and they give me hell.” Thomas admits, the truth flowing out of him like an exhale. “I feel like nothing but their vessel sometimes.”
“We are all vessels to the things that consume us. Our identity forms from what we see. Yours just manifests itself. It’s a testament to your creativity that this is real. Whatever powers aligned to make this happen, they were meant to happen to you. You are special, Thomas. So very special.” Vante tucks a strand of hair behind Thomas’ ear.
“Vante…” Thomas has no words.
“How did you just… fix everything? Like that?” He looks up at the photographer with wonder.
“I didn’t fix anything. Your paradigm shifted, and now you see the world, and yourself, a different way.” He smiles, grabbing his camera again. “Let’s see those influences shine through you, let your soul illuminate your body. You are whole.”
The rest of the shoot passes as the sun goes down. Twilight begins upon the two men, their beings at peace in the other’s presence.
“So. Hungry?” Vante rolls his head, tired of cocking it at every angle except the comfortable ones.
“Yeah.” Thomas almost squeaks. The lights of downtown start to twinkle.
“I know a place. Got really nice soups this time of year, wanna come grab a bite before we part ways?” Vante smiles, trying to comfort the mental storm of his new friend.
“Are you asking me out on a date?”
Well, boyfriend in progress.
“Do you want me to?” Vante snarks, grabbing his equipment.
“I… would love that. A lot.” Thomas admits. “I feel… calm with you. It’s refreshing.”
“Glad to be refreshing to someone that’s thirsty.” Vante quips, hearing protests from Thomas.
“Thirsty? I don’t think-”
“Has anyone ever told you what the term eyefucking means-”
“Vante, stop calling me out-”
The two dissolve into laughter, walking down the streets of downtown, a beautiful bond forming.
Between two humans. Two normal, average, and rational humans.
so maybe this is gonna be a double ended series also what do you think of vante?
Chapter 7: A/N: The Souls Inside
a completely optional link to vante's side of the story
Patron. Prince. Professor. Protector. Perjuror. Psychopath. Prismatic.
Patron. Prince. Professor. Protector. Perjuror. Psychopath. Prismatic.
Patron. Prince. Professor. Protector. Perjuror. Psychopath. Prismatic.
Patron. Prince. Professor. Protector. Perjuror. Psychopath. Prismatic.
Patron. Prince. Professor. Protector. Perjuror. Psychopath. Prismatic.
Patron. Prince. Professor. Protector. Perjuror. Psychopath. Prismatic.
Patron. Prince. Professor. Protector. Perjuror. Psychopath. Prismatic.
finals are coming up so may not post as much if you feel like this story is getting out of control please tell me i wanna make something you guys like
Chapter 8: Dinner and a Show
Thomas has a fun date with a less fun ending.
trigger warnings for the usual emotional manipulation and /brief/ discussion of self harm
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The small downtown restauraunt is decorated with twisted metal, vintage photos, and old oil lamps. A soft glow from the bulbs warms the interior. The smells of butternut squash and pumpkin waft in from the kitchen. There are groups of people chatting quietly, and Thomas hears brass music coming from somewhere. He recognizes it as an old showtune. They both sit down under a sketch of an old camera mounted on the wall.
After ordering some sweet teas, Thomas listens to Vante gush about his favorite shoot locations.
“Italy was just so beautiful. The brick just shines a different red there. The deep blue of the rivers really makes it pop.”
Thomas has his hand resting on his chin, any outsider could see the obvious heart eyes he had.
“I bet it was,” he mutters, lost in the beauty of someone talking about their passion.
“Thomas. Did you hear any of what I just said?” Vante chuckles, his voice’s low tone a warm honey.
“You’re just… so perfect.” To that, Vante shakes his head.
“Thomas, I’m a flawed piece of work. But flaws are what make us beautiful.” He holds Thomas’s hand across the table and something… seems off?
A voice, in his head, stepping forward into the light. A reluctant alliance of purple and yellow.
/He’s not who he says he is. Be careful./
This was… unusual. Thomas thought the Sides had left him. How attached were they? Did they not want him anymore? Why are they… protecting him?
What was the danger?
“Vante… I have a lot of issues. I’m a bit of a broken person. You know already I listen to a lot of things I can’t turn off. Are you willing to handle that? Do you want to?” Thomas is so exposed. He’s putting himself in such a vulnerable position he just wants to curl up and hide.
“Thomas, I knew that about you when I met you. I knew you were special. I… want that. I can handle all of you. I want all of you. Every last drop. I don’t care if it hurts. Some say that’s the best part.” When Vante smiles, the corners of his eyes scrunch up. It’s cute.
“That’s a lot to take on. Don’t you think that’s rushing it?” Thomas says, nervous and suspicious, finally getting over the shock Vante gave him.
“Don’t worry, darling. We have something special.” Thomas’ heart clenches at the word darling, reminding him of Roman. His prince. He missed him.
“Vante… I have to tell you something.” The waitress comes over and they order their food, cutting Thomas off from what he was trying to say.
After she leaves, Vante explains some of the art and pictures around the cafe. Some were his, and Thomas awes at his skill.
“I love capturing human souls in their most beautiful moments.” Vante says, smiling.
Thomas puts his phone down from where he had held it up. “Me too.”
It takes a moment for Vante to realize he had his picture taken.
“You flirt!” He kicks Thomas under the table, snickering.
“Vante, I had a confusing relationship with the beings that make up myself.” Thomas begins after a few beats of silence, deciding to rip off the bandaid.
“It’s okay, Thomas. Your struggle isn’t alone.” Vante says, reassuring.
“No, I am. I don’t know about anyone else that has this… ability.” he laments.
Vante is quiet, sipping his drink. “Maybe it’s just a matter of time before the universe explains itself.”
“I… I did some questionable things when given free reign over my own mind.” Thomas admits, skirting around the truth.
“What kind of questionable?” Vante asks.
“How do you feel about horror movies?” Thomas says.
“Subject change, but I appreciate one well done.”
“And why do people watch horror movies?” Thomas asks, trying to set things up in a way that Vante could understand.
“Because they love the thrill. The adrenaline from being scared excites them.” Vante arches an eyebrow. “Now connect your dots.”
“Sometimes I do things that look like they hurt me. To experience the sensation.” Thomas admits, an embarrassed blush rushing to his face.
Vante smiles. “You could just tell me you’re a masochist.”
A chill runs down Thomas’s spine. That wasn’t the response he expected.
“Do you… know more than I do?” Thomas is a bit nervous now, Vante’s steady attitude despite major admissions from him made him jumpy.
“I know enough to have fun.” Vante said. Thomas can feel a pulse of heat zip through him at Vante’s words.
“But it’s more than that. It’s also… something I feel I deserve.” Thomas admits, face falling.
Vante frowns. “So, self harm?”
“I wouldn’t call it that.” Thomas rushes to correct him. “More like self regulation.”
“Thomas, that’s self harm. It seems kind of strange, but requesting parts of yourself to hurt you because you believe you deserve it is self harm.” Vante seems very rooted in this belief, causing Thomas to snap.
“What do you know about the inside of my head?” he says, voice raised.
“More than you think.” Vante says, a fire of determination set in his gaze. It softens as he clasps Thomas’s hand across the table again, saying “We’ll talk about this later. I have some secrets to tell you.”
They arrive at Vante’s apartment, which is nearly bare, to Thomas’s surprise. Boxes still needed unpacking and various couches and blankets were strewn across the living room. It seemed like a lot more people than just one lived in this space, but didn’t leave any other traces of them being there. Maybe Vante just had a lot of guests.
“So, you said you knew about the inside of my head. Are you a mind reader? A mutant from X-Men, maybe?” Thomas halfway teases, not knowing anything.
“Thomas, I’ve searched for years for someone like you.” Vante begins.
“That’s borderline stalker and not helping anything.” Thomas says, nervous.
“Because I hear voices too. Mine have different names and faces, but the souls… Our souls are the same. Both of us carry so many souls inside our vessel. We just needed to find each other to quiet the storm.”
“You…” Thomas falls silent at Vante’s confession. “You hear them, and feel them, and control them, well, try to-”
“Yes. Thomas, we are powerful. We can bring anything we want to life. We are complex creatures, perhaps far more complex than humanity would allow. But everything’s fine now, we have each other. We are the only people that need to understand.” Vante seems desperate for someone like him, his eyes filled with a crazed hope.
“We’re basically soulmates.” Vante says, pressing a medallion into Thomas’s hand.
The medallion has seven gems, all the colors of his sides, plus a clear gem. Arranged in a seven pointed star. Words encircling the back read: Patron. Prince. Professor. Protector. Perjuror. Psychopath. Prismatic.
“It’s… me. How- where did you find this?” Thomas asks, shocked.
“Security guard at the airport on the way here said it was in my bag. I never saw it before then.” Vante says.
“On the way… here.” Thomas says, turning to him.
“Once I found out you /might/ have the same ‘thing’ I had, I dropped everything and ran to find you.” Vante smiles, hoping the obsessive action didn’t come across as such.
“Wha- so the magazine? The photoshoot?” Thomas asks, growing angry.
“All a ploy to try and get to you. I need you, Thomas. We need each other. We’re the only people that truly understand our souls.”
“I thought I could trust you, Vante!” Thomas yells, broken. “I trusted you with my darkest secrets only to find out you’ve been chasing me this entire time? You’re sick! You’re a stalker, and a liar, and I hope I never have to see you again!” Thomas says, starting for the door.
“Wait- there’s more.” Vante stops him.
“Thomas, if anyone else finds out who you are- who we are- they’ll try and kill you. Trust me. It happened to me.”
Thomas yanks Vante’s hand away from him. “And why should I trust you?” he asks, voice shaky.
“I’ll start with my real name, Kim Taehyung. And I’m a Prismatic.”
author is going thru shit(tm) at the moment comments are welcomed and appreciated