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We're Okay // Reddie

Chapter Text

Everything was loud and yet Richie couldn't hear anything as he was holding on to his friend while everything tumbled to the ground. He had to get him out of there. He couldn't let him die and even though he was sure the others were yelling at him to let go he couldn't hear them.

Adrenaline kept him going as it rushed through his veins making the impossible possible. He ran through the grey water with Eddie in his arms bridal style as he held him close. Richie was certain that he couldn't lose him, not again not after he had found him again after he had found himself again.

As he ran out of that horrid house away from the worst memories of his life he had the best memories in his arms. He had saved them, saved him. His legs got weak from all the running from not thinking about what he was doing. Finally, as he made his last steps off the property, the evil crumbling behind him, he fell on his knees. His lungs were burning and tears ran over his cheeks.

Bill tried to take Eddie away from him because even if it hurt him to he was certain that his friend was dead but Richie wouldn't let go. He kissed him on the forehead and cried. Beverly just ran over to them and hugged Richie as her eyes became watery.

A few feet away from them Mike had already called 911 while Ben was unsure of what to do.

The next hours went passed like a bad trip. Richie's screams were heartbreaking and overwhelming. He was a wreck and wouldn't leave Eddie's side. He insisted on driving in the ambulance with him and he held his hand the whole way there.

The others had to comfort him while Eddie was in surgery. They sat in silence for what seemed like hours until the doctor came out. He explained something but Richie couldn't hear anything except for a loud beeping that rang through his ears. It was deafening.

Eddie was in a comatose state and they weren't sure if he would make it. His friends waited for days until Ben had to leave for work. Mike stayed a week before he gave up hope and left. Beverly stayed two trying her best to stay positive but left to spend time with Ben and to heal. Bill stayed a month before he had to leave too. They did call from time to time but they couldn't see Eddie like that.

But Richie, he stayed every day and night nearly never leaving the hospital. He never gave up hope or rather he never could because if he did he would shatter into a million pieces. So he stayed. He wasn't eating and sleeping enough which made him look like one of the patients.

One night of these sleepless nights for Richie a miracle happened. While he was crying into Eddie's chest and holding his hand he felt the other's hand move. So he looked at his face as tears blurred his vision.

Eddie was waking up! He opened his eyes still adjusting to the light and grunted in pain. As his vision got clearer he looked at Richie who was smiling at him. "Richie" he coughed as his throat was extremely dry.

For Richie, the world made sense again. He didn't know what to do first. He wanted to hug him, kiss him, tell him how much he meant to him but he couldn't. He had to call the doctor being in such a long coma wasn't really healthy.

After what seemed like hours of the doctor caring for Eddie and asking him questions Richie was alone with him again. As he sat there just looking at him relief fell over him. Tears started forming in his eyes as he just embraced.

"I thought you were- Fuck! I thought I had lost you! Why did you have to save me? You're such a dumb brave man!" Richie choked on his own words and tears while Eddie was a bit overwhelmed with everything. He just slowly embraced him and started rubbing his back.

The other kept on stumbling over his words and crying until he spoke up again. "Hey, I'm okay. I'm alive there's no need to cry." He tried his best to soothe him. "I was expecting a bad pun not tears." A chuckle escaped his mouth just as he nearly escaped death.

After Richie had calmed down a bit Eddie asked him about the others. "They left. You have been in a coma for over a month." The Trashmouth looked down still holding onto his warm alive hand stroking it with his thumb.

"Fuck." Eddie was shocked he didn't think he had been out for that long. "Thank you for staying with me all this time. I mean it- fuck Rich that's a long ass time for you to just sit here."

His gaze fell upon his hand which is still being held and caressed so carefully and lovingly. He took a good look at Richie seeing how exhausted he looked. "Get some sleep, Rich. I'm fine." He was worried.

"I can't. Ever since IT, I have trouble sleeping. I just want to stay with you."

"Then stay." Eddie carefully shuffled over making room for Richie. "Close your eyes for a few minutes. I'll keep watch."

A light tint of red flashed over the other's face. "I don't think we're allowed to."

"Come on since when did anyone in Derry care about anything."

Richie was convinced. Maybe it was the thought of cuddling with Eddie or being sleep deprived but he didn't care about anything, except Eddie, either. He just slowly climbed into bed with Eddie leaning his head against his shoulder and cuddling with him. He didn't care if he was weird he just needed to feel close to him. His eyelids started to become heavy as he slipped away towards his dreams.

Eddie carefully put an arm around him and smiled.

They were okay.

Chapter Text

As the morning sun arose Richie started to wake up. He couldn't remember the last time he has slept this well. His eyes fell upon his companion who was still fast asleep and spooning him.

He felt warm inside as he was once again reminded of the feelings he had for one of his best friends. Richie cuddled more against him and watched him sleep for a while being happy that he was alive. He was alive and this hadn't been a dream. After a while, though he got up and called the others to inform them that Eddie was okay.

The person in question was now slowly waking up himself. He was still pretty drowsy as he looked around the room. "Richie?" He was worried that the other had left him. Even if he was physically getting better he wasn't okay with being alone after everything that had happened. "Richie?!" He was starting to get worried as Derry was hell and he just wanted to be sure that the other was okay.

After he had seen him nearly die being captured by the deadlights he was scared. He didn't want to lose him and had thought he did. But to his delight, he came through the door.

"Eddie?! Is everything okay?" He ran into the room and got to his bed.

Eddie just nodded. "Yeah. Sorry I was just worried and- sorry."

"Hey, there's no need to apologize. I was just telling the others that you woke up and they're all on their way here." The other smiled softly and took his hands in his. "I'm okay and so are you. We're okay."

Though okay wasn't good and they would probably need a long time to be good but they were safe for now and that was all that mattered.

"On top of that, you can't get rid of me that easily I mean I'm your stepdad." He winked at him and got hit in the arm for his stupid joke.

The two just sat there for a while, Richie never leaving his side and joking to make him laugh. Even if it was cheesy everything he wanted to see and hear right now was his dumb laugh.

In the evening Beverly and Ben arrived as they were the closest to Derry at that moment.

Bev ran into Eddie's room. She lightly pushed Richie away and hugged Eds. "Thank God, you're alive! I'm sorry I didn't stay. I just couldn't see you like that." She held on to him for a long time just being relieved and ecstatic.

Ben gave him a shorter hug afterward and smiled widely at him. "Man, I'm so damn happy you're alright! I can barely believe it."

Richie smiled he was glad that they started to gather back in Derry for a happier reason than last time. He still hated that shithole but it was great that they were together again.

Eddie was glad as well he felt so welcomed and loved and just kept on wondering how the hell he could have forgotten such great friends.

Ben and Bev then went out for dinner and brought Richie something to eat since Richie refused to leave with them and insisted on staying with Eddie. He had a hard time eating normally as he had eaten tiny portions in a long time. It wasn't as drastic as an eating disorder but it sure hindered him from eating the whole meal. He had been grieving he still was as Stan wasn't with them but at least he only had to mourn one person now.

Richie also had a problem with throwing up. Again it wasn't like bulimia it was more of a stress thing. He couldn't handle stress and extremely negative emotions like this which was one reason he threw up after Mike had called him that faithful day.

Bev and Ben had spent the evening with them before returning to their hotel rooms. Richie stayed as he had for over a month. He slept with Eddie in his hospital bed like the night before. Though this time he was the big spoon holding Eddie close just like he did when he carried him out of Neibolt street.

His Nightmares returned this night shaking him awake. He forced himself not to scream like usual to not wake up Eddie. After he climbed out of bed he felt nauseous. His hands shot in front of his mouth as he ran into the bathroom where he hurled his food back up. His mouth tasted disgusting from all the vomit and it smelled awful making him throw up again.

Defeated he sank to the bathroom floor taking deep breaths to calm himself. It was fine. He was okay. He was safe. He reminded himself before flushing the toilet and drinking some water from the sink. It was fine. He got out of the bathroom again and sat next to the bed as he knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again.

As the next morning came Beverly and Ben came back to visit Eddie. They had even brought flowers and thought about bringing some get well balloons but decided against it due to their history. That morning Mike showed up. He embraced Eddie and everyone immediately.

He came as soon as he heard and even drove through the whole night to make it quicker. "Jesus, you are tougher than you look, Eddie. To survive something like this." Mike was still unsure how he did it but in the end, he didn't care. Eddie was okay and that was all that mattered.

Richie grinned and pinched his cheek. "He is a brave little boy isn't he?" He cooed at him pretending to be his mother. The thing he enjoyed most was the annoyed look on his face. His hand was quickly slapped away though. So he pretended to be hurt. "Eddie, baby how could you? It's that bad, may I add good looking, Trashmouth's fault. I should spank him to discipline h-"

"Beep Beep Richie," Bill uttered as he stepped through the door. He looked somewhat saddened.

"Oh, Billy boy what's with the long face. Eddie's alive and well. This is a reason to party! Drinks are on me!" He joked trying to get Bill to smile.

"I know and it's great." He went over to Eddie and hugged him. "I'm really glad you're okay. But I was just thinking we never went to Stan's funeral. We never got to say our goodbyes."

Silence fell over the whole room. It was no secret that Bill and Stan were close. The two were the dads of the group and had a special bond. Richie sometimes even wondered if they were more than friends. But he had always shrugged it off.

"We can go visit his grave as soon as I'm allowed to leave this hospital." Eddie gave him a reassuring smile. It would be a good thing for them to say their last words. Maybe then they could move past this place for good.

Bev smiled and put one hand on Billy's shoulder. "I think that's a good idea. We can bring some flowers and light a candle."


Chapter Text

The next days went by in the blink of an eye. They always gathered in Eddie's room and talked for hours. Bev had moved in with Ben and they were trying to get better. So was Bill he had finally been able to start a book with an ending people might enjoy. And Mike finally got out of Derry and was able to start a new life.

Richie didn't have anything to talk about and neither did Eddie as they hadn't had the chance to leave Derry. But Richie knew that the other already had a good life to go back to. He had his wife and a successful job. He, on the other hand, wasn't sure what he should do next. Jokes were something he enjoyed making but being a comedian drained him. He didn't even write his own jokes so did it matter who stepped on that stage?

After a week Eddie was allowed to leave. He still had to be careful but they watched him long enough. Richie let him hold on to his arm as he wasn't used to walking anymore. The others took his things and they went to their cars. Richie put Eddie into the passenger seat and sat down in front of the steering wheel.

"Ready?" Eddie asked. They would be finally leaving Derry for good. There would never be a reason to return and they could finally start moving forward. Richie felt like he had still some unfinished business though. So he shook his head.

"No. I'm overwhelmed and I don't know if I can just pretend all this never happened and live a normal life. Eds this is all just so fucked up." He looked down at his hands. "I need to make a quick stop. Is that okay?"

The smaller one just nodded a bit confused and put a hand on his. "Hey, everything's gonna be alright."

Richie quickly informed the others about their little detour. He drove to the bridge where he had carved their initials all these years ago. "You can stay in the car I just have to do something real quick." He stepped out of the car without waiting for an answer from the other. His fingers traced over the old marking he had left.

He needed to accept himself for stan who told him to be proud of himself in a letter he left for him. The others had received letters as well. He took out his pocket knife and slowly started to recarve the letters.

R + E

His gaze stayed on the freshly carved letters. He was in love with him even after 27 years of not knowing he existed. It was crazy. He was. But he ignored his thoughts and just smiled to himself.

As he returned to the car Eddie had gotten impatient. "What the fuck did you carve in that and why did we have to stop for something like that?"

"Oh, just your mum's and my initials." He grinned and received a hit in the arm. "Sorry, let's get going."

Eddie looked at the wooden railing as they drove off. He wondered what it could have been that he carved in there. What could be so important to Trashmouth Tozier that he had to stay in Derry longer than needed?

After a day's drive, the losers stopped at a shitty motel to spend the night. The others had poked some questions about what Richie had to do. But Richie just brushed the question of with dumb jokes. Sometimes he wondered if they knew. Stan knew but only because he had talked to him about it. He was really supportive and was his go-to person to talk about his never-ending crush on the small feral momma's boy.

Eddie had asked him if they could share a room and Richie agreed, liking the thought of not being alone. Bev and Ben also shared a room. But they were in a relationship after all.

They all stayed at Richie and Eddie's room for the evening talking. It felt like they were teenagers again. Sure they were missing an important member of their group but it was kind of comforting to know that they were all still so close. Beverly and Richie decided to go for a smoke and after they had to listen to Eddie ranting about how unhealthy it was they were free to go.

The two sat down on the stairs leading up to their rooms and lighted their cigarettes. It was quiet though it wasn't uncomfortable. It was the kind of quiet you enjoyed while being with a loved one or someone you admire deeply.

Richie and Bev had been really close when they were younger. The two always shared their smokes and hit on the janitor's closet to do so in school. Eddie always scolded them, especially Richie.

"You wanna talk about it?" Beverly broke the silence and put her hand on Richie's knee.

"Talk about what?" The other just took another hit and looked at the sky. She couldn't know he never talked with her about his secret. So he wasn't sure what she was referring to.

Bev just sighed a small concerned smile spreading on her face. "The state of you. You look sick and I don't think you have slept properly in forever. I'm worried about you Rich. I know you're hurting we all are but you can't bottle everything up. You need to talk to someone, if not to me than to Billy, Ben, Mike or Eddie. We're your friends."

"I know. But I can't, especially not to Eds at least not yet." Richie just put his head on her shoulder leaning against her. "I just need some time."

There was silence again until Beverly put her head on the other.

"You love him, don't you?"

Richie was hit with a question he knew the answer to but for some reason, it still felt difficult to answer. So he just nodded. He was ready to be met with a lot of different reactions but he hadn't expected the one he received.

Beverly pulled him into a hug and smiled. "I support you and I love you all the same. You're my friend and no matter who you love you'll always be my friend."

He didn't know how to react his eyes got watery and he just hugged her back. Beverly's love always had a big impact on the losers. So why would she have reacted any other way? Richie felt dumb. He should have known that Bev could never hate him especially for something like this.

"Well, except if you would have dated Pennywise, Henry-" She joked being pushed away by the other.

"EW! Bev!" Richie burst out into laughter. "I have a great taste in men and are kind of insulted that you're even suggesting something like that!"

The two made some more jokes until they were done smoking. They were on their way back in as Richie stopped her. "Hey, thanks." He smiled.


Right now everything was okay. They were okay.

Chapter Text

As it got later into the night the losers separated into their rooms. Richie sat down on his bed. "You okay, Eds?"

"Yeah thanks for staying with me." Eddie laid down on his bed and got ready to sleep. "Urgh, it's so unhygienic in here. Do you even know how unsanitary this is?"

"There he is! My favorite Eddie Spaghetti! Please enlighten me about the dangers of motel rooms." Richie laughed laying down as well.

"Shut up, idiot!" Eddie rolled over on his side facing away from the other. He had missed this. He had missed him. "Goodnight."

After a 'night' from Richie, he started to drift away, falling asleep. He was nearly gone as the other pooked him. "What's wrong?" He was drowsy and turned around to look at him.

Richie was standing at the edge of his bed without his classes seeming extremely tired himself. "I uh-" he took a deep breath "Would you mind if I slept with you in your bed?" He was red in the face and fiddling with his fingers.

Eddie just gave him an exhausted smile and lifted the blanket. "Hop in." He didn't have a problem with sharing a bed with him. They used to do that quite often when they had sleepovers back then. The losers, in general, tended to have a lot of sleepovers. But the two even had some when nobody else had time. Granted whenever Richie stayed over at his place he had to sneak in through the window since his mom hated him.

Richie got into bed with him and closed his eyes. "Thank you." He was facing towards him and slowly falling asleep. Eddie thought he looked kinda cute though he would never admit that. He was just so peaceful.

Eddie put his arm around him and started to slowly stroke his hair. He let his hands get tangled in the other locks. The feeling he felt when he was this close to him was something he couldn't explain. It was different from when he was with his wife. But to be fair Eddie was planning on making her sign the divorce papers when he returned home. After remembering everything he noticed that he married his mother or more like someone just like her. He had married someone just like his abuser.

Everything changed after he came there. He even got a scar to show that he isn't the same person anymore. His nightmares and fears made sense. His weird paranoia wasn't just a tick it was the result of his childhood trauma and the meeting with IT.

While thinking about his feelings and absentmindedly playing with Richie's hair he fell asleep as well.

The night went by without any complications and in the early morning hours Richie woke up. He felt the other's hand in his hair and smiled to himself. The way he was laying next to him was adorable. Richie thought he always looked cute but when he was sleeping he was at peace. He stayed like this just watching the other.

It was unfair that he had to be in love with another man. Unfair that that man was straight and married. It was unfair that he was so close to him right now but yet so far away.

Richie loved Eddie to bits and when he thought he wouldn't make it he couldn't take it. His biggest regret being, that he never got to tell him how he felt and now when he got the second chance he wanted he was too much of a coward.

As time passed Richie woke up Eddie because they had to keep going. "Eds, wake up." He careful nudged him a bit still being worried that if he was to rough he would hurt him.

Eddie was still half asleep as he slowly got up. "Don't call me Eds." His hair was a mess and Richie thought it was cute.

"Okay, Eddie Spaghetti. You should wear your hair like that more often." He joked and received an annoyed look.

"Well, how about you look in the mirror before you judge my bed head, fuckface!" He kicked him out of bed and laughed.

Richie held his arm rubbing it slowly. "Ow, fuck!" He was swearing under his breath and looked down at his arm.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you alright? Let me take a look." Eddie felt bad he didn't want to really hurt him. He crawled to the edge of the bed and put his hand on the other's shoulder.

Suddenly Richie grabbed his hand and pulled him down on top of him. "Gotcha." He laughed and smiled at him.

Eddie broke out into laughter. He was just inches away from the other. As Richie noticed that he blushed a bit. He had made a mistake. His thoughts were running wild. What if he just kissed him? What if he told him he was in love with him? Would he reject him? He wanted him so bad but he had to resist his urges.

"You're such an asshole! I was worried."

"Aww, you were worried." Richie grinned at him and put his hand on his cheek. "That's cute."

Suddenly someone knocked at their hotel room door. "Are you guys ready to leave?" It was Beverly.

Eddie jumped off Richie being startled and opened the door. He was blushing being embarrassed about something he couldn't quite put his finger on. Something like this wasn't new to them. Richie did stuff like this a lot but for some reason, it felt different this time. Maybe it was because Eddie knew he had been there for him every day while he was in the hospital. Something was different and he knew it.

"We'll be there in ten minutes. We just need to get dressed and everything." After closing the door he and Richie got ready to leave.

They continued to drive until they arrived at the graveyard where Stan was buried. As they went up to his grave a wave of sadness and regret came over them. They had all written letters to him as he had to them.

Ben was the first one to put his down. He wrote about how inspiring the other was and how he was the smartest and most responsible person he knew. He was braver than each one of them.

Mike went after him writing about how he and the other's changed his life and how they always used to watch the birds together. He was amazed by how many different bird species the other knew and how good his memory was.

Eddie was the third to lay his letter down. He thanked Stan for always being there for him and listening to him rant about Richie. As he went on he explained that he had always been thankful to have someone in their friend group that watched out for them all someone who cared so deeply about them.

Beverly placed her letter down being the fourth person to do so. She wrote a heartfelt apology for every time the two of them had argued about her smoking. Stan had always tried to look out for her and didn't want her to damage her body like that. She thanked him for all the times he listened to her talk about her dad and how he was there for her.

Richie went after her and put his letter down. He thanked him for being there for him when he struggled with his sexuality. Stan had been the only one of the Losers that knew about it until Beverly found out yesterday. He had helped him through a lot of tough times and was his go-to person whenever someone called him a "fairy" or "faggot". Richie went on to apologize for his bad jokes and annoying behavior. His letter ended with "You are part of my family and will always be. Thank you."

Bill was the last one to put his letter down on the grave. It was long maybe too long. He had repeated himself a lot in it. Talking about how much he had meant to him and how much he had loved. He wrote multiple paragraphs about how sorry he was that they didn't stay in contact and that he had forgotten about him. But most importantly how sorry he was that he had gotten him wrapped up in all this and that he got him killed.

Chapter Text

After their visit to the graveyard everyone needed time to themselves. So they said their goodbyes and drove off back to their life. They had set up a dinner date in a few weeks and promised to stay in contact.

But as Richie drove away from them all he had begun to feel worse and worse. He couldn't be alone again, couldn't resume his old life. As he reached his apartment he broke down. He quickly opened the door and went in so that no one would see him like that.

He reached for his phone wanting to call Eddie but then he stopped himself. They all just got back home and back to their life. He couldn't just go and be like 'Oh, hey, Eds! I know you just got home but you wanna come over.'

It would probably get better anyway, right?

Wrong. It had been 2 weeks and Richie couldn't sleep or eat properly. He hadn't spoken to anyone for longer than a few minutes when he was at the grocery store or something. His manager had called multiple times but Richie always made an excuse and said he was sick. He couldn't get out of bed so how would he perform?

The others called him from time to time but he never wanted to bother them with his problems as they all had their own. He just pretended that everything was alright.

This morning he woke up from one of his nightmares again and couldn't take it. He got his sleeping pills and a bottle of whiskey. "Sorry, Stan. I'm not as strong as you." Richie sat down on the bathroom floor and downed a bunch of his pills washing them down with whiskey.

This was it he was going to die. No more nightmares. No more clowns. No more paranoia.

The one thing he had forgotten about was that Eddie wanted to come over that day and while he was sitting on the bathroom floor listening to music his visitor was knocking on the door. Richie had told him before where he had put the second key so Eddie let himself in. He had heard the music and had just assumed the other hadn't heard him.

"Richie? I let myself in." He shouted into the apartment until he noticed the other sitting on the bathroom floor a bottle of whiskey in his hand and the open container of sleeping pills lying next to him.

Panic shot through his whole body. His eyes filled with tears. "Richie! What the fuck have you done?! Throw up, right now!" He ran over to him nearly tripping.

Richie hadn't expected him to be there he had forgotten about their meeting. Before he could do anything Eddie put his head over the toilette and he threw up. After he had vomited all the pills out of his body he sat down next to the toilet again and started crying.

"I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me Eds. I'm sorry." He just kept repeating himself until Eddie took his face into his hands.

He was shaking tears running down his cheeks as well. "What the fuck were you thinking?! Do you know what would have happened if I hadn't come around?!" He swallowed hard. "Do you know how much you would have hurt me like that?! Why didn't you tell me that you weren't okay?!"

Eddie pulled the other into a hug. "You scared me! Don't you ever do that again! I- I am so glad I came here in time!"

Richie didn't move. He felt guilty. He hadn't thought about what he would do to the others. "I'm sorry, Eds." He didn't know what he was thinking.

"Don't apologize! Just hug me back, asshole!" Eddie was mad at him. He didn't want to be because that wasn't what Richie needed right now but he had scared him. He couldn't even think about what he would do if he would have died.

Richie just hugged him back.

After they sat there for hours Eddie got up and helped the other up as well. "You're coming with me to my house. I'm not gonna leave you alone after this."

The other said nothing and just nodded. They went into his room and packed everything he needed. It was quiet between them uncomfortably so. The silence was crushing.

After they had gathered everything they left Richie's apartment. Eddie put his arm around him and brought him to his car. On their way, there were a few journalists trying to talk to them and get photos but Eddie just yelled at them and put Richie in his car just as he had done for him.

The journalist wanted to know what has been going on with the Comedian as he just disappeared from the earth and they were lucky enough to find out where he lived.

Eddie just ignored him as he got into his car and sped off. The other just quietly sat there looking at his hands. It worried him that the other was this quiet as he normally wouldn't stop talking.

They drove for a while in silence until Eddie couldn't take it anymore. "Please, talk to me, Richie! I can't stand you being so quiet. If you don't want to talk about what happened rip on my mum or something. Just talk to me." He didn't expect an answer but to his surprise, he got one.

"I'm sorry, Eds. I know I've said it a lot back in the bathroom but I really am. I didn't want to call you or something because I didn't want to bother you. I'm sorry."-

"You don't need to apo-"

"Yes, I do. I should have confined in you instead of bottling everything up until I couldn't take it anymore." Richie took a moment until he continued. "I'm not okay and I don't want to be alone again. I can't be alone anymore."

Eddie gave him a small smile. He was still shaken up from anything but right now Richie was all that mattered. "That's why you will stay at my place as long as you need. You're stuck with me now. If you like it or not."

The other laughed a bit. "Oh Lord, how did I deserve this!" He paused for a second. "But for real, do you think your wife's gonna be okay with this?"

"She has to." Eddie decided to not tell him about his plans to divorce her. He hadn't had the courage to do it yet anyway. "If not she has to leave. It's my house."

Richie felt weirdly touched by this. That the other would put his marriage on the line for him felt reassuring. He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up over nothing but he did.

Chapter Text

As they reached Eddie's house it was already late in the evening. Eddie got out of the car and got the other's stuff out of the trunk.

"Damn Eds, nice house!" Richie joked seeming to be back to his old self. "Now let's meet the poor woman that married you."

"How about you shut up!" Eddie just went passed him. "Now come on in." He gave him a smile not being able to stay mad at him after what had just happened.

Richie followed him home. He looked around. The house reminded him a lot of Eddie's childhood home.

"Myra, honey, I'm home," Eddie shouted into the house.

For just a second Richie felt a weird sting of jealousy. He wanted to be in her place. He wanted to be the one the other came home to. He wanted him to call him nicknames.

Just a few seconds after Eddie had called out to her she came out of the kitchen. She was just as Richie had imagined her.

"Eddie, where were you?! I thought I told you to stay in bed. You are still hurt. Have you taken your medicine?" Myra didn't seem to notice the other at first being focused on her husband. "I was worried about you."

Eddie just took her hand into his. "I'm fine. I told you I was going to see Richie, remember? Well, since I just mentioned him." He gestured to Richie. "He will be staying with us for a while."

Myra got mad. "Richie, like from Derry, Richie?" She looked at their guest.

"Yes? Nice to meet you Mrs. Kaspbrak. It's great-" Richie got cut short by her.

"You were one of the people responsible for my baby getting hurt! You should be ashamed." She was going at him before Eddie cut her off.

"He saved me! And if you have a problem with him staying here you can leave!" Eddie looked at her determined and serious. "I mean it!"

Richie felt uncomfortable. He didn't want to be the source of their argument.

"You can't kick me out! I'm your wife. You need me! Don't think I didn't notice you crying late at night and don't think I haven't noticed that you stopped taking your medication!" Myra ignored Richie and directed all her anger towards her husband.

Eddie was having none of it. "Leave. I don't need you."

"You're just going to kick me out onto the street all alone?"

"Yes. We're done. You you-" He wanted to calm himself but couldn't. "Bitch!"

Myra just ran out of the house sending Richie a death stare before doing so. Eddie sat down on the stairs and took a deep breath trying to collect himself. He was starting to freak out. His breaths got shorter with any second that went by. What had he done? Why did he get so irrational when she started going at Richie? He dug into his pocket to get his inhaler. As he found it he quickly used it. He was having a panic attack.

Richie was kind of overwhelmed but stayed calm. He just kneeled before Eddie and took his hands which made him look at him. He did what he always did when they were kids. "Just breathe with me." He took a deep breath and stroked the back of his hands with his thumbs. "You're safe. Just look at me, okay."

He just kept breathing with him until he calmed down.

"Thank you, Rich. Sorry, you had to witness that after everything." Eddie got up and gave the other a smile.

Richie just shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Come on, I know what we both need right now." He took his hands. "We're going to a nightclub! Drinks are on me!"

"You know what, sure. Why not?" Eddie just chuckled.

So they went out. The two ended up in a little nightclub. Richie got them drinks.

"What is it?" Eddie looked at the two shot glasses in the other's hands.

Richie just nudged him. "It's a secret. Come on don't you want to rebel for one night?"

The other thought a moment. "Fuck it! Why not?" He took the shot out of the other's hand.

"To a really fucked up day!" Richie smiled and downed the shot. Eddie did the same. It really had been a fucked up day. But right now was pretty good.

Richie grabbed him and pulled him onto the dancefloor with him. "Come one momma's boy, show me your moves!" He started dancing to the beat of the music and laughed.

"I didn't know you could dance. I thought your dancing was as bad as your jokes." Eddie looked annoyed but started dancing a bit, not as much as Richie, but he was moving his body to the beat.

"Uh, burn." Richie laughed.

Eddie blushed as he looked at Richie laughing and dancing. He looked adorable. Why did he feel that way about him? They were just friends, right? He just liked him as a friend right?

"Jo, Edwardo. Whatcha staring at?" Richie grinned at him, teasing him but secretly hoping that he was indeed staring at him.

Eddie jumped. "Eyes! I- I was just- We need new laughs."


"We hands new drinks! We need new drinks!"

Richie laughed and looked around. A few meters behind him were a group of girls. So he assumed Eddie had been staring at them. "You're still married, my friend!" He again felt jealousy. He wanted to be the object of his affection.

Eddie sighed being relieved. He was lucky Riche was so oblivious sometimes. It would have been difficult to explain why he was staring at him especially because he himself had no idea why he was staring at him in the first place.

The two continued drinking and after a while, they were pretty drunk. Eddie started to ease into dancing with Richie and Richie was amazed at how good the other was at moving his hips. It kind of turned him on.

They kept dancing and laughing until Richie bumped into someone spilling that person's drink. "Woops, sorry." He laughed and turned around to see a buff, tall angry guy.

"You spilled my drink, asshole!"

Richie just shrugged. "I already said sorry, man. What you want me to do?"

Eddie tugged on his jacket trying to get him to just leave with him. But Richie didn't move.

"I want you to really feel sorry!" The man has definitely had enough to drink already and got extremely aggressive.

"Oh no, I'm so scared. I've seen clowns scarier than you." Richie grinned at him, taking a sip from his beer.

The man grabbed his arm and made him look in his eyes. "You think you're funny?"

Richie smiled "Actually, I find myself to be extremely funny. Thank you!" He stuck his tongue out.

His opponent lifted him up on the collar. "I will wipe that grin off your ugly face, asshole."

"If I'm ugly then what are you?" Richie continued to make fun of him until he threw him against the wall still holding onto his collar.

Eddie didn't know what to do he just needed to help Richie. So he took his empty beer bottle and hit the man over the head with it. "Let go of him!"

"Woah, Eds!" Richie got free as the man turned towards his love. He just wanted to punch him but Richie kicked him between the legs getting his attention away from Eddie. He didn't want Eddie to get hurt.

The man hurled around again and punched Richie right in the nose making him bleed.

Richie threw his bottle at his face and grabbed Eddie to run out because the owner was starting to get mixed up in their fight. But just before he was out of the door he flipped the man of disappearing into the night with Eddie.

They were running away laughing only stopping when they ran into a different street. Richie spun around a streetlamp and took a few breaths before stopping and looking at Eddie who was still laughing and baffled at what has just happened.

"That was crazy! Crazy fun." Richie took his hands and just continued laughing. "I haven't felt this alive in forever. You are amazing Eds. The way you just hit him over the head with your bottle! I owe you."

"Hell yeah, you do!" Eddie smiled happily. "Myra would have killed me for drinking so much and getting into a fight." He took Richie's hand and strolled along the dimly lit streets. He must say that the other was right. He felt alive.

They continued walking through the city until they sat down on a bench. Richie got out his pack of cigarettes. "You wanna try? I mean you did a lot of crazy shit today."

"I really shouldn't." Eddie had never even touched a smoke but he was pretty curious about how it was to smoke. One try wouldn't hurt, right? "Okay, but I just want to try."

"Sure, we can share one. I always used to share one with Bev." Richie lit his cigarette and took a hit. But instead of handing the cigarette to Eddie he took another one but this time he kept the smoke in his mouth. He took Eddie's face and slowly moved towards him as if he were to kiss him. The other just sat there, mouth open in surprise. But he just shut his eyes being way too drunk to think about it.

Richie stopped only a few inches away from his lips nearly touching them with his and exhaled the smoke into his mouth. He would have loved to really kiss him but even if he was drunk he knew that wasn't an option. So he just enjoyed their closeness.

As Eddie inhaled the smoke he coughed a bit. His eyes were open again just to see Richie only inches away from him looking at him as if he was dreaming. He felt butterflies in his stomach as if he was a teenager again. Though he couldn't understand why but at that moment he really wanted to kiss him. He wondered what it would be like. But he just shook that thought away. They were just friends.

"So, Rich, you always share your cigarette like that with Bev? Pretty sure Ben isn't a fan of that." Eddie leaned against him putting his head on his shoulder.

Richie laughed and continued smoking. "Nah, I always just hand my cigarette to her. I just wanted to try out something new. So consider yourself special."

They sat there for a while just chilling and looking at the stars and getting sober again until Eddie broke the silence.

"Richie, can we talk about this morning?" Eddie intertwined their fingers.

"You mean about my terrible pick in music for the song I would die to?" Richie chuckled a bit at his own really messed up joke.

Eddie looked at him shocked. "Jesus, Rich! That's not funny. You really scared me." He paused for a moment. "Can't you be serious for once?!"

"I can but I don't want to. Being serious is always bad." Richie looked away from him not wanting to meet his eyes.

But Eddie was having none of it. He took his free hand and made him look at him by gently pulling his face towards him.

"Please, look at me, Richie. I really care about you or do you think I would throw out my own wife for nothing. You know me. You know you can trust me, right?"

Richie nodded.

"Please, open up to me. You don't have to be afraid to do so. I hope you know that. Being serious can be good too, you know." He caressed his cheek and smiled at him.

"Okay." Richie took a deep breath. He was right. It was Eddie, he was always right. "I am scared and messed up and not okay, really not okay. I've been having horrible nightmares and can't stand being alone for too long because I'm afraid of IT being somewhere in the corner silently watching me just waiting to rip me apart limb by limb.

I'm afraid of losing you, losing the others and I hate myself for not being able to talk to someone. I hate myself for disappointing Stan for not being proud of myself, of who I am. There is so much wrong with me it would take years to get through all my problems."

Eddie just pulled him into a hug. "And if it takes years, I will listen to every single problem until you feel better. You're not alone. You have me and the others and if that asshole clown is still out there somewhere and trying to hurt you I will personally kill him again."

"Eds, you are the best. I really really love you- r mum." Richie hoped that Eddie would just think it was him being weird again.

"For fuck's sake, Richie!" He gently pushed him away and stood up. "Let's go home."

Chapter Text

As they returned to Eddie's house they immediately crashed on the couch together. Eddie was laying on top of Richie who had his arms around him.

The next morning Eddie was woken up by Myra coming in through the door. He had a hangover and got up pretty drowsy. "Myra, what are you doing here?" He reeked of alcohol.

"Did you get drunk, last night?" Myra looked concerned. "I'll get you something for that."

"No, it's fine, it's just a headache. Now, why are you here?" Eddie started to feel bad for all the things he said. He looked at Richie who was still asleep. "Let's sit down in the kitchen."

They went into the kitchen and Eddie got himself some water. "You want something to drink?"

"No, thanks, look I'm sorry for overreacting yesterday I was just so worried about you. Can you please forgive me?" Myra smiled at him sweetly.

Eddie wanted to say no, to reject her but he couldn't even though she did this every time after lashing out at him. "Okay. But I want you to apologize to Richie too. He will stay here and you can only stay if you apologize to him too."

"Fine." She nodded and pretended to be okay with it even though he couldn't stand him. He seemed to be the center of her husband's attention and she didn't like it at all.

"I'll make breakfast. You can empty the dishwasher if you want." Eddie started making some omelet and bacon for the three of them while regretting letting her stay. It will be so damn awkward and he hated it.

After he was done with breakfast he went to wake up Richie. "Hey, Rich. Time to wake up."

The other just grunted. "It's too early, Eds."

"It's 1 pm, asshole. Now get up I made you breakfast." He kicked against the sofa shaking him a bit.

Richie slowly got up. "Okay, okay. Is it spaghetti?" He grinned at him still being half asleep.

Eddie just rolled his eyes. "No, now hop." He went into the kitchen with Richie where Myra was waiting and the moment he saw her Richie was wide awake.

"Woah for how long was I asleep? Are you guys gonna fight again? Because if so I can go outside for a smoke." Richie raised his hands.

But Eddie just shook his head. "Myra apologized about yesterday. She also wanted to apologize to you, right?"

Myra just nodded. "I'm sorry, Richie. I was just worried about Eddie yesterday and overreacted. Can you forgive me and can we start over?"

Richie knew that she didn't mean it. He knew that she for some reason despised him but he pretended to not notice for Eddie's sake.

"Sure. Everything's back at the start."

They had a weird breakfast with awkward conversations. "Well, Eds I'll go for a smoke. You wanna come with me? You know to walk not to smoke." He chuckled.

"Why not?" Eddie smiled and got up with him. But just as he wanted to leave Myra stopped him.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Oh sorry, honey." He went over to her and gave her a little peck on the lips before leaving with Richie.

After they were outside the door Richie burst into laughter. "Dude, that gave me major flashbacks to your mum! You're weird."

"Shut up, asshole!" Eddie hit him in the arm.

"Ow! Okay, okay." Richie got out a cigarette and started smoking while taking a stroll with Eddie.

"Do you smoke every day?"

"Nah, only when I need one, so if I think about it's probably more than once a day, depending on how shitty the day was."

Richie took another hit and looked at him. "Why?"

"Do you know how bad this is for you?! Your nails are gonna get yellow, your teeth are gonna rot, your lungs are gonna be all fucked up and your breath and back are gonna stink!"

"That's a weird one to end on?" Richie looked at him confused. "Anyway, I know it's bad, okay? But I can't just stop."

"Could you at least try? Maybe you could smoke less? Please?" Eddie took his hand and smiled at him.

How could Richie ever say no to him? He threw the cigarette on the pavement and stomped it out. "Okay, I'll try to reduce it. Happy?"

"Yes, thank you."

"You wanna head back? Or do you want to show me the city?" He winked at the other and grinned.

Eddie rolled his eyes at him again. "Let's stay outside for a bit it's a beautiful day even though you're making it worse, Fuckface!"

"I love you, too." Richie joked. Suddenly he got a call. "Oh, Bev is calling." He answered not realizing that she hadn't heard from him in weeks. He put her on speaker

"Richie, what the fuck!" She was pretty pissed off. "Do you know how worried I was about you?! You can't just disappear for 2 weeks or so and not call any off us!"

"I'm sorry." Richie chuckled. "I just needed some time to think."

Eddie knew he was lying but decided not to push it. It was his choice, what and how much he wanted to tell the others.

"I just saw the news and I was so worried because you looked terrible!" Beverly went from pissed to full mother.

But Richie was just concerned what she meant with 'the news'. "What news?"

"There is a picture of you coming out of your apartment with Eddie and an article of you and another man getting into a fight and then fleeing the scene. Are you at Eddie's what happened?"

Richie sighed. "Look, I'm fine. Yes, I am with Eddie at his place because I didn't want to be alone. But I'll tell you the rest when we meet for dinner in 3 days okay?"

Eddie just quickly said 'hi'.

"Okay. I'll see you don't do anything dumb! Oh, and Eddie, look out for him." She hung up.

Richie nudged the other. "Looks like you're officially stuck with me!" He chuckled and tried to make the other smile.

"Well time for me to quit, then. Jump off a bridge." The other joked. "Too soon?"

"Nah, I'll just jump after you and haunt you in the afterlife." Richie stuck his tongue out. "Now come on, give me a tour or I'll haunt you for real!"

The two continued touring the city. Eddie showed Richie where he worked which he just compared to the opposite of Santa's factory. It was where all the boring stuff was created. He got called an asshole for that comment.

They went through the park and Richie spotted a shitty looking amusement park. "Can we go there, Eds?!"

"Why the fuck would you want to go there?! The rides could break down any minute and there's a high chance you'll get robbed!"

"Aw, come on, Edwardo. Don't you want to have a little fun once in a while?" Richie nudged him towards it.

"No. We did enough shit yesterday! Oh also you know there are clowns at that amusement park? Clowns, buildings that look like a crack den?! No thanks!"

"Okay, you convinced me! Fuck that idea. I'm not going near a damn clown if I have the choice!" Richie turned away and started to walk back to the house with Eddie laughing.

As they arrived at the house Eddie showed Richie to their guest room which was on the same level as his.

Richie stayed in there for a bit calling his managers and mostly getting yelled at for his little stunt. He explained that he needed some time but could probably start working again in a week even though he probably couldn't but he can't hide forever and it was just putting on an act anyway. But he explained that he wanted to write his own jokes again which they approved of on the condition that he would start working again in five days as they had shows planned for him.

So after talking with his manager he also booked a hotel for a charity event he was supposed to attend.

Eddie came into his room soon afterward and as Richie told him about everything he was concerned.

"You really think you're ready for all that?! After you tried yo kill yourself yesterday?"

"It's my job, Eds. If you're so concerned, come with me." Richie smiled at him not expecting him to take what he said literally.

Eddie had still enough time he could take of off his job to actually come with him. "Okay, I will.

Chapter Text

"You can't be serious. You have your whole life here." Richie was baffled. He couldn't understand how Eddie was just like well why not.

"I can take a few more days of work and making sure you are alright is my top priority right now." The other just shrugged.

Richie sighed and motioned for him to sit next to him and so he did. "Look we need to talk." He looked serious.

"You can't fix me. You can try sure but I don't want you to just fuck everything to help me. I will just disappoint you like always. This won't last. I can't live with you forever. You have a life and a wife. I will ruin you. I know you mean so well but this won't work forever."

Eddie just shook his head standing up. "Look, asshole, I'm not giving up on you. You may be a dick but you're my dick! This doesn't need to work forever because you will get better."

He couldn't give up on him because he needed him just as much as him. "Come on, I'm making dinner and you can come down and help me."

"Okay." Richie ignored their conversation and went with him to cook dinner with him. "I am a terrible cook by the way."

"That's fine, I'll tell you what to do."

"Oh, so you can cook, wannabe my housewife?" Richie winked at him.

"At least I can provide for myself."

"Ow, but hey I bet you're a good backer, too, because damn those buns." He gestured to the other's ass.

Eddie got a little red and threw a cloth at him. "You're such an idiot! Beep beep Richie!"

Richie just laughed.

Myra was in the living room doing something's for her work as extreme jealousy filled her. What did that Richie think he is? Taking all her husband's attention away from her and making immature suggestive jokes towards him.

Eddie looked in the refrigerator. "Oh shit, we don't have everything we need. I'll just jump in the grocery store real quick. Don't do anything dumb while I'm gone okay, Richie?"

"I'll swear on my wife."

"You don't have a wife."

"I know." Richie shot him a grin.

Eddie just left. Myra saw this as her chance to talk alone with their intruder for a bit. She went to him. "What's your deal?"

Richie just looked at her confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Are you gay or something? If so though luck my husband is straight so stop fucking making moves on him."

Richie felt cornered. She was right he was gay but he couldn't just admit that now could he? But before he could respond to her she continued.

"If you don't back off I'll tell him that you're a freak, a fairy." Myra didn't like him and she had no trouble showing it.

But he just shrugged. "Why should he believe you? You don't have any proof? So back off or I'll tell him that you were trying to threaten me."

"You little-" She wanted to hit him or something like that but she turned away and went back to work.

After Eddie had come back they were able to finish dinner. But the whole time there was an awkward silence.

They finished eating and Richie went to the guest room to start writing his jokes. Time went by and it was the middle of the night. Richie couldn't sleep so he tried his best to distract himself. But while he was sitting in his room he heard someone going down the stairs. So he went after them wanting to know who it was.

It turned out to be Eddie who was crying. Without hesitation, he went up to him. "What's wrong?" He sat down next to him on the sofa and put his hand on the other's.

"I don't know. J just couldn't sleep and everything came back to me and I just needed to get out of that room because everywhere I looked I saw IT." He was shaking.

Richie pulled him into a hug, holding him safe and sound. "This isn't the first time this has happened, right?"

The other just nodded.

"Look, I know you may not feel like it but you're safe. I'll protect you and you just talk to me and tell me everything you're afraid of and everything you're feeling right now, okay Eds. I'm here for you. I've always been here for you since we were kids and I'm not stopping now."

He just held him tight and listened to all his worries until the other had calmed down. "Thank you, Richie." He smiled.

Richie didn't know why he decided that this was the moment he would tell him but for some reason, it felt like he had to. He was afraid that if he didn't he could lose him.

"Eddie? Can I kiss you?" He looked him dead serious in the eyes.

Eddie wasn't sure what he should say every inch of his body was steering into different directions. He knew he was married and that it was awful for him to cheat on his wife. But he wasn't happy in their marriage anyway and wanted a divorce. He had wanted to kiss Richie strangely often these past days though.

"Oh God, sorry Eds! I didn't mean to-" Richie was cut short by Eddie who was pressing his lips against his. He couldn't fathom what was happening and just put his hand in the other's hair kissing him back passionately. He was dreaming he had to be.

They parted after a while and Richie just stared at him being completely wooed. He couldn't grasp that his lifelong love just kissed him.

Eddie was overwhelmed and confused about his feelings. He looked into Richie's eyes that were looking at him full of love. Love for him.

After a long time of staring at each other Richie spoke up. "I love you and I have loved you since we were kids. Oh and by the way I'm gay!" He laughed a bit.

Eddie felt warm inside he didn't know if what he felt for the other was love but he knew he needed him. So he just kissed him again.

They were starting to get really into it as Eddie was now sitting on top of Richie's lap. His hands were tangled in the other's hair. Richie had his hands under his shirt and let them roam over his bare skin.

After a five minute or so make out session Eddie came to his senses. "What the fuck are we doing?! What am I doing?! I am married!"

"I thought we were making out. You seemed to quite enjoy it." Richie grinned at him. He just wanted to get back to kissing him. He was hooked on him like he was addicted. He loved him like an alcoholic. It was just this extreme need to be with him.

"We can't do this I can't do this! I'm married and I have a stable life." Eddie stood up and looked irritated. He was freaking out. "This is wrong!"

"Stable?! Didn't look that way to me when you had a fight with your great wife that by the way threatened me!"

Eddie looked at him and scoffed. "Well, and what do you know about stable?! You're over thirty a shitty comedian who doesn't even write his own jokes. Oh, I nearly forgot you're not even in a fucking relationship because you would fuck it up like you fucked up your life! You even tried to kill yourself!"

"Well, at least I'm not too afraid to admit that I'm fucking gay and in love with you!" Richie was standing up as well and was really pissed. "You just hide behind your weird-ass wife, because you're too afraid to be with me!"

"I am not responsible for you being gay so don't come at me!" Eddie pushed him back. "This isn't my damn fault!"

"Yes, it is! You let me on! You kissed me and made me believe that you could feel something for me." He was full-on yelling at him. "You don't just kiss someone and then do shit like this!"

"Maybe I really just want normal and you're- you're a freak!" Eddie didn't even think about what he was saying. "Go and destroy your life! Why should I care?!"

Richie just stormed upstairs got his stuff and went out. His eyes filled with tears as he made his way to a hotel. The cold night air hit his face as tears streamed down. He was yelling and cursing Eddie. After he had put all his stuff in a hotel room he went out to get a drink and maybe get high.

Eddie was mad. He was married and had built himself a whole life. He couldn't just throw that all away to be with Richie. It was too risky and he should know. He is a risk analyst after all. Sure he wasn't a 100% happy with Myra but she was safe, normal. She cared about him and just wanted to make sure he was okay.

Myra had overheard their conversation and was filled with joy because Richie was gone and they could go back to the way their life was before.

While Eddie got back to bed not being able to sleep and thinking Richie was laying on a park bench getting high and drinking.

He just wanted to getaway. He didn't want to see the other or even think about him. But it was impossible because he was the only thing on his mind.

For a while, it worked until his high turned bad. He was starting to sweat and his breath was getting short. "Shit!" He was getting scared and hurried back to his hotel room leaving the alcohol behind. Every few minutes he looked over his shoulder thinking he was being followed. After he had locked himself in his hotel room it got worse.

He felt sick and threw up. The fear that someone was there with him grew bigger and he turned around seeing a way too familiar clown standing in front of him.

"Beep Beep Richie."

Richie screamed and curled up in a ball crying having a mental break down. He couldn't look at him he didn't want to. He tried to calm himself down. It was just a messed up side effect of his bad trip. He really tried to concentrate on something else but it didn't work.

"It's not real. It's not real."

Slowly he started to raise his head and open his eyes which he immediately regretted. Pennywise was now inches away from his face laughing maniacally. It reached out to him making him back up further against the wall. It placed one of it's fingers over the other's mouth.

Richie was now starting to hyperventilate feeling the cold finger against his mouth. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

"You shouldn't have told him your dirty little secret." The clown laughed and took his finger away. A long thin spider leg came out of it's eye and soon after a whole spider came out of it's eye and started to crawl up to Richie's.

He felt it's tiny legs crawling up his cheeks. Frantically he slapped it off. Eyes freaked him out and he didn't want a fucking spider in his.

The spider tried to crawl back to him and soon enough more spiders crawled out of it's body. Some came out of it's mouth, some out of it's cheeks where they pinched holes in.

The clown's eyes started to sink in like a dead man's would and Richie just covered his eyes and cried. He couldn't breathe properly. His ears hurt from the loud laughter ringing through his eyes.

Chapter Text

Eddie was nervous. He hadn't spoken to Richie after their fight. So seeing him the first time at their dinner date made him want to throw up.

He took a deep breath and went inside. Ben and Beverly were already there. "Hey. It's good to see you guys again!" He smiled and went over to them to hug them.

"It really is." Ben smiled at him. The three sat there for a bit until Bill came. Mike came shortly after. They talked sharing what they had been doing these last few weeks until Richie came in.

He smiled at them but avoided looking at Eddie. "How are my favorite people in the world doing?" He sat down on the last free chair.

Everyone greeted him except for Eddie who couldn't bear to look at him. "So, what has everyone been doing?" He looked around and tried to guess starting with Mike. "You read some lame book right?" He continued to Bill. "You wrote some lame book."

When he looked at Ben he grinned. "Bev." And he pointed at Beverly. "Ben."

"Richie!" Beverly laughed at his bad joke until she stopped and stood up together with Ben. "We have good news."

"Are you guys getting married?" Eddie knew that they would someday end up together but didn't expect them to get married this soon.

"I'm still not fully divorced yet. The year isn't over." Beverly shook her head.

Richie stood up out of shock smiling widely at them. "We're getting a baby!" His reaction made everyone laugh.

Bill just looked at the pair. "For real?"

Beverly just nodded.

"Oh my God!" Eddie exclaimed. "This is really exciting."

They all sat down again. The group continued to bicker about the news. Eddie had almost forgotten about his fight with Richie until Bill asked the Trashmouth something.

"So, Rich, still haven't found anyone?" He teased him.

Eddie nearly choked on his drink but played it off. He looked at Richie who he just notice looked even worse than before they parted. He hadn't noticed it before because Richie seemed so cheerful.

"I did." Richie was mad and he was definitely gonna be passive-aggressive about it. "But they were a dick about it."

He looked at Beverly and Ben and smiled. "It must be nice to not have someone kiss you and then reject you anyway."

"Woah, who did that?" Bill looked at him and felt sorry for him.

But before Richie could answer Eddie spoke up. "Maybe they already had a life that they didn't just want to throw it away for a risk because they didn't know if you could be serious enough about it. Or maybe they just wanted someone normal and safe."

"Maybe they're a coward and don't know what's good for them and maybe they shouldn't be living their life anyway. Maybe they shouldn't be with someone that is abusive." Richie snapped back at him.

"Maybe they were afraid and maybe they don't know what they should do! Maybe they care about you and don't want to just get in a relationship without thinking about it because they don't want it to fail!" Eddie screamed at him until he looked around and noticed that everyone was staring at them. "Excuse me, I need some air." He stood up and hurried out.

Everyone just turned to Richie. "What was that?" Beverly asked what everyone was thinking.

Richie felt guilty he had brought it up just to be an asshole about it. "I'm sorry. I- we got into a big fight and- I'll just go and talk to him." He got up and went after the other.

After he had fought up to him he grabbed his wrist to stop him from walking away.

"Eddie, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up and I shouldn't pressure you into a relationship with me. I'm an idiot and I am so sorry that I destroyed our friendship because of this stupid fight. You shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to give up your marriage."

Eddie looked at him and his gaze lingered on his lips. The lips he kissed. The lips that fit perfectly on his. He wanted him so bad but he was scared. The time they were apart he had missed him and it felt awful because he was the one that pushed him away. He was the one that was responsible for him being gone.

After he hadn't received an answer and noticed how Eddie was staring at him he felt defeated. "Let me just kiss you one last time and I will go. I will leave you alone and I will stop trying to make you feel things you don't feel."

Eddie again didn't answer he was lost in his thoughts questioning every little thought and feeling he had. So Richie just kissed him.

He kissed him gently. His hands caressing the other's cheeks. He closed his eyes and just took in every little thing about the kiss. The smell of the other's shampoo. The feeling of the other's soft lips against his. He took everything in as he thought it would be the last time they even see each other.

Slowly he moved away and looked at the other waiting for a reaction. He just wanted him to do something but he didn't even tell at him.

So Richie sighed defeated. "Well, guess I'll go pay and leave." He turned around. Dread and sadness filled his heart as he had destroyed their friendship.

Eddie was afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of losing him. He had been afraid his entire life. The only times he hadn't been afraid were with the other by his side. He had even taken his fear of IT. He had made him brave and if he let him walk away he would go back to fearing everything again. He had to take a chance. He had to take a risk and he had to be brave.

So he quickly grabbed his hand making him turn around. "Richie, I-" He just kissed him not knowing what to say. His kiss was rushed and a bit awkward as he had just ramped their lips together. But he didn't care he has to get a point across and this was good enough. "I want to be with you!"

He looked him in the eyes which were filled with determination.

Richie just kissed him again pulling him closer by his waist. He had never been so happy. As he held him close he smiled while kissing him. His brain wasn't working properly as he was just way to ecstatic.

After they parted Richie tried to find out what he wanted to say. "I- Why? I mean I love you but- Forget it I can't speak." But he just kept on stumbling over his words which made Eddie laugh.

"And here I thought you should be able to form a proper sentence. You know because you perform on stage?"

"Yeah, but there I just have to speak to strangers. You are different. You're special." He was still baffled by what just happened. But he just went in for another kiss. He didn't want to stop kissing him.

Eddie smiled at him and gently pushed him away. "We can't just make out right now! The others are probably already wondering where we are."

"But baby~ I really want to make out with you." Richie caressed the other's cheek and smiled at him. "Let them wait. I waited long enough to kiss you." He kissed the other on the forehead.

Eddie smiled to himself but knew that they really had to go back. So he just pulled him back him with him still holding onto his hand.

As they arrived back at their table Richie was still staring at Eddie being lovestruck.

"So you guys made up?" Beverly grinned at Richie knowing what they had done outside.

"Yeah. But I would have like to 'make up' a bit more." He smirked at his love.

Eddie hit him in the arm. "Richie! I regret everything I said outside. I'll take it back."

"Nuh, baby! I'm sorry, I love you." Richie gave him a peck on the cheek and pulled him into his arms hugging him from behind. "Please, forgive me."

The rest of the Losers didn't really look shocked which surprised Eddie. "Aren't you guys gonna say anything or something?"

"We always knew you guys would get together. Sometimes we even thought you were together. The fact that you weren't before is more shocking, to be honest." Bill just shrugged and the other's agreed.

Richie didn't listen to anything they said he just ran his fingers through the other's hair. As the night went on the two grew inseparable Richie showering Eddie with attention and love. They all sat down in Bill's living room for the rest of the evening.

Eddie nearly sat on Richie's lap while they drank a bit and joked about almost everything that was until his love spoke up.

"I tried to kill myself earlier this week."

The whole room went silent. Everyone except for Eddie was shocked. They didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry."

Bill was the first one to say something. He was one of Richie's closest friends after all. They understood each other like nobody else didn't. "D-don't apologize! I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you. But I'm here for you know!"

Mike agreed with the other. "Yeah, I'm here for you, too. You can always talk to me when you need to."

Ben said something similar while Beverly was frozen in shock. She knew something had been wrong and she felt like she didn't do enough.

She just looked at him as tears started running down her face.

After Richie saw that, he stood up and pulled her into a hug. "I may not be fine but I am alive." He held her close.

"God, I'm so sorry I should be comforting you and not the other way around. But I'm so scared. I can't even think about what I would have done if you were-" she stopped not wanting to finish the sentence.

Ben hugged them both and soon enough everyone joined in. They were just keeping each other safe.

They stayed like that for a while until it was time for everyone to get back home. Mike was the first one to leave.

Ben and Bev left soon after. "Call us if anything is wrong no matter how unimportant it might seem." Bev gave Richie a peck on the cheek. "And, you" she looked at Eddie "make sure he doesn't do anything dumb!" They left.

"Well, Ed's and I are gonna leave now to we gotta get my stuff and kick his wife out." Richie had his arm around his love and made finger guns at Bill.

Eddie just simply said 'see you' and with that, they left disappearing into the night.

Chapter Text

After they had put Richie's stuff back into the house and Eddie had kicked Myra out They sat down on the sofa together.

Richie kissed him passionately. He pulled him onto his lap. Eddie returned the kiss letting his hands get tangled in the other's hair.

As they parted Richie put their foreheads together. "I love you so much. Thank you." He was smiling being extremely happy. "I can't stop touching and kissing you."

"Then don't." Eddie kissed him again. After they had kissed for a while the other bit his bottom lip asking for entry which he gladly gave him. He opened his mouth slightly feeling the other's tongue slip in. As their kisses became steamier he grabbed the other's glasses and sat them down on the coffee table.

Richie only ever parted from him when he needed some air. The other made him crazy but the good kind of crazy. The Trashmouth kissed the corner of his love's lips making his way over his cheeks to his neck. He started off with leaving small little packs everywhere and progressed into sucking on parts of his neck and sometimes even gently biting down.

Eddie couldn't think straight. He had so many thoughts running through his head and every time Richie worked on his neck sucking on it he nearly lost it. Some small moans escaped his mouth from now and then. He started to move his hips against the other's crotch which earned him a small moan from the other.

"Fuck, Eds, you're really good at that." Richie grabbed on to the other's shoulder's getting light-headed. He took the other's jacket off throwing it into the room. After that, he quickly removed the other's shirt. He paused and looked at him.

"Nervous?" Eddie grinned at him.

Richie chuckled a bit. "Aren't you? I wanted you for longer than 30 years. This seems like a dream."

The other just smile and kissed him again. "If it's dream let's keep dreaming." He let his hand travel down to the other's crotch and started to rub against it.

Richie just moaned into his neck. He was going insane. The attention the other gave him made him all fuzzy. He felt like a teenager again.

Eddie smiled at him knowing full well what he was doing to the other. He started to strip the other's jacket of kissing him passionately. After it had joined the other clothes somewhere on the floor he stripped the other's shirt off.

Just now Richie's gaze fell onto the other's chest. "You're sure this is safe? I mean with your wound and all? I don't want you to get hurt."

"Yes." Eddie didn't wait and kissed him. "I'm okay and safe." He smiled.

His hands slowly slid down to unbutton the other's pants. After he did so he let one of his hands slide into the other's underwear touching his dick.

Richie moaned and kissed him. While they where kissing Eddie put his hand around it and started moving it up and down earning more moans from Richie.

Richie's mind was blank he wasn't able to think. He just wanted him. His kisses got slobby as he was getting more and more light-headed.

Eddie stopped and parted with him to strip off his own pants. Richie pushed him down on the sofa laying on top of him. He kissed him. While making out with him he stripped his pants off. "You really wanna do this?"

The other just nodded and kissed him and so Richie carefully slid his dick into him making him moan. "You okay?"

"For fuck's sake Richie, yes. Keep going!" Eddie just wanted him to fuck him and so he did. Richie started moving slowly and gradually began to pick up speed as he thrust into him swearing under his breath.

Eddie pulled him down into a kiss. The pain turned into pleasure while Richie kept on thrusting and picking up speed. His breaths got shorter and heavier. He felt the other's sweaty body on his and he felt safe under him. All his doubts about his decision to be with him were gone. His hands grabbed onto anything for dear life.

After a while, Eddie came and Richie followed shortly after cumming inside of the other. He slid out of him and collapsed on the other's chest breathing heavily.

"I fucking love you, Eds." He closed his eyes as the other put his arms around him. While they were laying there Eddie noticed that the other was thinner than normal. He did look sick. But he was with him now. Everything was okay.

After they had caught their breathes Eddie sat up which the other wasn't a fan of. "Come on, we need to clean up this is disgusting!" He nudged him to get off of him.

"Okay, okay. Let's take a shower. We could go for round two." Richie winked at him receiving an annoyed look. "Okay, just showering, then."

After their shower and cleaning the sofa they were finally able to just go to bed. Richie had put his arms around the other. "So, you're still planning on coming with me on tour?"

"Yeah, I said I would." Eddie was playing with Richie's shirt. He had put his head on the other's chest listening to his heartbeat. "When do we have to go?"

Richie gave him a peck on his hair. "I have to be at a charity event tomorrow evening. Luckily it isn't too far away from here. But we gotta buy something to wear first."

"Okay." Eddie just closed his eyes enjoying the feeling of the other's hands in his hair. "We also need to go to the pharmacy, too. I've got to get a refill of some things."

"Sure, I need new cigarettes, too. Oh and maybe we could go out for lunch tomorrow. There's this great restaurant just a few blocks away from the charity event."

Richie smiled to himself. This conversation and the whole situation was so mundane. It was everything he ever wanted.

They continued to cuddle until Eddie got tired. He moved his head to look at the other. "Goodnight, Asshole." He smiled and gave him a kiss before returning to his earlier position.

Richie chuckled a bit and continued to play with the other's hair. He was okay. They were okay. "Goodnight, Honey."

He loved the feeling of the other being in his arms. It was soothing and after a while, Richie drifted off to sleep as well.

Chapter Text

Richie woke up alone and for a moment he thought he had been dreaming. But then he noticed that he was in Eddie's bed. A smile crept onto his face as he was reminded of yesterday's events. He was way too in love with.

Slowly but surely he got up to get himself something to drink. As he left the bedroom he heard humming from downstairs. So he went down the stairs smiling to himself and listening to the humming. He followed the sound and found himself in the kitchen where Eddie was listening to some music and cooking. The humming came from him and Richie found himself even more in love.

He went up to the other and hugged him from behind making him jump. Richie chuckled. "What's cooking, good looking?"

"How about you give me a god damn warning next time?!" Eddie turned around staring at him angrily. "I could have hit you or something! I should've hit you, asshole!"

Richie just grinned and gave him a kiss. "I love you. Don't be mad, honeybunny."

Eddie wanted to be annoyed and tell him to not call him that but he couldn't. He hated it when Richie called him Eds or Pet names but he sort of liked it too.

He felt defeated and kissed him back. "I hate you." He turned back to the stove continuing to make breakfast. "Sit down, I'm nearly done."

Richie just did as he was told and soon after Eddie put some pancakes on the table along with something to drink. He sat down.

"I thought I'd make pancakes since you always loved them when we were kids and yeah." Eddie smiled at the other. He really hope he would like them.

"Aww, Eds. You're so cute." Richie started eating not being able to get over the fact that the other had remembered something like that and that he made them for him.

After they finished breakfast they got ready and left to go to the pharmacy. Richie held the other's hand the whole way there and gave him a kiss on the cheek from time to time.

The two went in and Eddie got his order which was massive. As they left the store Richie stopped him. "Jesus, Eds. For what do you need all that?" He was worried about him. But it wasn't like Myra was worried about him. He was worried about his mental health and not his physical one.

"I need the inhaler for asthma attacks, two of the pills for my allergies. There are also ones for-" He was cut short by Richie kissing him. Richie wanted to say something about how unnecessary all those were but he didn't. They were all hurting and if that stuff even helped him a little he was okay with it.

"Forget that I asked. Come on let's go buy something to wear." Richie just grabbed Eddie's arm and started walking.

After a while they arrived at a little clothing store that focused on evening wear and just as they stepped through the door Richie saw the perfect suit. It was extremely colorful and he knew that Eddie would hate it. So he went over to it.

"Oh God, no Richie."

"Yees." He grinned at him as he found the suit in his size.

Eddie went up to another suit. "What about this one? It's a pretty baby blue I bet it would look great on you." He smiled at him.

"Okay, okay I'll try on both." Richie took both of them into the dressing room and tried on the baby blue suit first. He wanted to try on the best last.

As he stepped outside Eddie blushed. He looked really good in a suit.

"Do I look good?" Richie winked at him and Eddie was in love. He had never seen the other in fancy clothing not even at prom because he wore a dumb tuxedo t-shirt.

Eddie just smiled. "Yes. I knew it would suit you."

"Well, I like it but I still got another one to try on." He grinned and disappeared into the dressing room.

The other was looking around when he saw a gorgeous dark red jacket with pants in the same color and a black turtleneck underneath. Just as he wanted to go and get it Richie came out wearing an array of colors.

"How the fuck do you still look hot?!" Eddie hated the suit but Richie looked really good in it even better than in the other.

"I love you, too, hun." Richie went over to him and gave him a kiss. "I'm definitely taking this suit."

Eddie sighed but couldn't argue with him because again he looked extremely good in it. "Okay, I'll go look around for a while." He walked through the store but his eyes kept drifting to the red suit. So he eventually went over to it and looked if it was in his size and it was.

He didn't really need a new suit he had enough but he liked this one. Suddenly Richie hugged him from behind. "Seeing something you like?" He put his head on the other's shoulder and looked at the suit. "Try it on. I bet it'll suit you."

"Nah, I really don't need a new suit. I have enough." Eddie smiled to himself.

"But you like it?"


"Then I'll buy it for you!" Richie gave him a pack on his cheek. "Come on try it on."

Eddie looked at the other surprised. "I couldn't accept a gift like that from you."

"Oh, you can." The other grabbed the suit and pushed him towards the dressing rooms. "You're going to the charity event with me after all. So I insist. Now hop I want to see how you look in it."

Eddie did as he was told and came out wearing the burgundy red suit with the black turtleneck underneath. It fit like a second skin and Richie thought he looked absolutely gorgeous.

"We're buying it!" He smiled at the other and prompted him to change back into his clothes.

After Richie had bought the two suits they made a quick stop at a convenience store to get his cigarettes. The two then continued to get back to Eddie's place to get ready.

They were ready to go. Richie suggested they take a taxi so they could both drink something and Eddie agreed. So they got into a taxi and got dropped off at a fancy restaurant.

"I prefer Chinese but I think I want to keep my distance from that for a while. So I hope you like Italien food." Richie chuckled a bit though he was telling the truth he would need some time before he could look at a fortune cookie again.

"Italien is great. But this is really fancy and full. How about we go somewhere more secluded?" Eddie kissed him on the cheek. "We'll be under people the whole night. Let's go somewhere more quiet."

Richie like the idea and they went to a cute little diner. The two even shared a milkshake because Richie insisted on it saying it would be cute. Though Eddie drank most of it since the other was to busy staring at him.

As they stepped outside again Richie was still all over him. He was holding his hand and kissed his cheek. "How about we head back home, honey? I don't want to go to the event." He looked down at the floor.

"What?! Why the sudden change of mind?" Eddie was confused.

"I can't go out to the public. I can't go to such a big event and show up like nothing happened." Richie was shaking a bit as he fiddled with his hands. "I am not ready!"

The other just grabbed his hands. "Look at me, please. You can do this. You can do more than you think!" He waited until the other looked at him seeing tears running down his cheeks. "I believe in you and I will stay by your side throughout the whole evening." Quickly he pulled the other into a hug.

"I'm afraid." He sobbed into the other's shoulder. "I'm so terribly afraid."

Eddie stroked his head. "I know but it will be okay and if it gets too much we'll leave. But you got to at least try. You can do this."

They stayed like this for a while until Richie stepped back and gave the other a reassuring smile. "Thank you, I think I'm ready now."

Chapter Text

They were standing a few feet away from the red carpet leading inside. Richie was getting nervous again until he felt Eddie's hand on his. The other smiled at him and everything seemed a little bit calmer. This was it. This was his first step to getting his life back on track. He put on a smile and went towards the carpet walking past multiple interviewers.

He smiled at everyone and went inside with Eddie still holding his hand. His palms were a bit sweaty as he was extremely nervous but Eddie didn't care.

As they stepped through the door they were met with a mass of people. All of them were wearing fancy dresses and clothing. Richie was overwhelmed. "Honeybunny, can we leave? This is-" He was interrupted by one of his coworkers.

"Hey, Richie! Where were you?" He went over to them and smiled at Eddie. "My name's Gabriel. So you're his lover or?"

Eddie was a bit surprised by the question. He looked at the other and noticed that he was quite small and had almost golden locks. The other also carried some sweets with him that he got from some table.

"We're in a relationship. My name is Eddie. Nice to meet you." He smiled.

Gabriel looked him up and down until he spoke up again. "How the fuck did Richard get someone like you?" He laughed.

"I ask myself the same question every second." Richie laughed and kissed his boyfriend on the cheek.

The three talked for a while and Eddie understood why Gabriel was friends with Richie. They both had a horrible sense of humor.

After a while, though Gabriel left with his boyfriend who was a lot less hyper then him and a lot taller.

"Okay, this isn't too bad." Richie kissed the other until he saw his manager coming towards them. "Well, fun's over, sweetie."

"Tozier, what the fuck have you been doing?! You just left after that stunt to go to some village and didn't return for what 2 months?! Then there are articles of you getting into a bar fight! Have you talked to the press yet?"

Eddie had imagined his manager to be more like the comedian. But he was scary. He was tall and very angry looking.

"No, I haven't. I just came here but I'm gonna make it right, okay?" Richie sighed still holding onto his lover's hand to calm him down.

"I fucking hope so, Tozier! If not you're done." He turned around and walked away.

Richie sighed. "Well, I'm gonna need a smoke now. You're coming with, sugah?"

Eddie kissed him and shook his. "You can't just smoke your problems away." He kissed him again this time lingering a lot longer on the other's lips.

"I know but I really need one right now, okay? I'll be back in a bit. Don't do anything stupid!" Richie ran out the door so that the other couldn't say anything else about his smoking habits.

Eddie just shook his head and walked around the event until a nice woman started talking to him. She was about his age and fairly good looking.

As Richie got back in he saw them and got a bit jealous. So he did the only reasonable thing and went up on stage. The first time after the Derry incident.

"Good evening, may I have your attention for a second. My name is Richie Tozier. You might know me from one of my comedy shows or from one of the articles about me lately."

Eddie and everyone who knew him were asking themselves what the fuck is he doing?

"Well, I've been in a pretty rough place lately. But that's alright because I'm with the love of my life now, Eddie Kaspbrak. He's the handsome one in the red suit."

A spotlight started shining on him. Eddie was overwhelmed and confused. He couldn't really see anything because it was so bright and he had no clue what the other was doing.

"That's all I wanted to say thank you all for listening and have a great evening. Oh, and don't forget to donate!" Richie smiled and got down. A lot of people clapped, some were just confused and a small handful was offended.

Eddie went over to him. "What the fuck was that?! How about you give me a goddamn warning next time?!"

"Sorry, baby, couldn't contain myself. I just love you too much." He gave him a peck on the cheek. His gaze drifted around until he saw his manager angrily marching towards them. "Let's dip."

"Nah, honey you gotta sort this out." Eddie took his hand. "And when we get home we need to talk too."

"What the fuck did you think you were doing?!" Richie's manager stared him down. "This is not fixing it! You can't just do something this bold without confiding in us and discussing what the best plan of action is."

"Why? I just told everyone the truth well leaving out some insignificant details, like how smart and hot my boyfriend is." And how I tried to kill myself.

"People will use every one of your words and twist it! You can't just pull a stunt like that! We need to fix this."

"What is there to fix if it's all true?"

"You know what? I've had it with you and your shit! We need to work out what you can say to the questions people are going to ask! I'll call you tomorrow I just need a break right now. Don't, I repeat myself don't do anything stupid!" He turned away and left.

Richie just shrugged and looked at Eddie. "We should have dipped. Now come on let's have some fun, sweetie."

Eddie just sighed. He didn't want to talk about their relationship and cause more of a scene than Richie already did. So he decided to just not say anything until they got home.

Richie sat down at a table with his love and soon after Gabriel joined them along with his boyfriend. "Dude, the fuck was that?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to make myself clear." The other shrugged. "How about something to drink? It's on me." He smiled.

Everyone immediately agreed and Richie left to get some drinks leaving Eddie with the others. "So, how has he been all these years?"

"Oh, you really wanna know? He always had some lover or one nightstand. So I'm actually surprised you two are together." Gabriel laughed a bit.

"Wait, so you mean, he has never been in a real relationship?"

"Not since he broke up with Ray. They are still friends don't know how though he really hurt him. I guess that made him pretty-" Gabriel stopped talking seeing as Richie came back carrying their drinks.

"I'm back!" He smiled and put the drinks on the table. "Why the stares? Were you guys talking about me?"

"Yeah, we were talking about what an insufferable idiot you are." Eddie took a sip from his drink. He wondered what had happened between the two and what Ray exactly did. Maybe he could one day ask Richie about it but not today. Today has been messy enough for his taste.

After a while, the two Losers left. They took a taxi home. As they stepped through the front door Eddie's mood dropped. His wife was standing there dinner was on the table and she was smiling at him. Her eyes seemed to be puffy and red like she had been crying.

"Myra, what the fuck are you doing in my house?!" Eddie was so done with her shit but a part of him felt really bad. She was never that bad to him, right? She was just worried.

Richie was still holding onto his Love's hand. "Jesus, that's fucking weird."

"I- I wanted to ask you to give me a second chance. I love you, Eddie. We've been together for more than 5 years. Do you just want to throw this away? For him?" Myra looked at her ex-husband pleading with him. But Richie knew there was something off about her. She sometimes glanced over to him looking at him in a way he wasn't able to describe.

"Myra, I'm sorry. Please leave, today has been a long day and I can't take this right now. We broke up and that is it."

"But Eddie bear I love you." She started crying. "Do you really want to throw away our marriage for a fling with someone who can't even be serious and who will probably just leave you when he gets bored?"

This hit Eddie because what she said was exactly what he feared. He didn't know what to say but he didn't need to because his boyfriend spoke up.

"You shut your fucking mouth! I have been in love with Eddie since we were kids but sure this is just a fling." He made fun of her. "Just because I'm not an uptight bitch like you, doesn't mean that I don't love him and that I can't be serious. Gosh, get a fucking hint you guys broke up!"

"Richie, calm down." Eddie put a hand on his shoulder. "It's alright. I know you're not just gonna dump me."

"No, she's a bitch. She is trying to guilt-trip you into getting back with her." The Trashmouth turned back to Myra. "I'm so done with your shit. I know I'm not perfect for him but I love him. I'm a terrible person and I fuck up a lot but even I know that you can't force someone to love you. Please, I'm begging you, think about Eddie and respect his choice."

Myra looked down on the floor. "I hope you die." She brushed past him and looked at Eddie for a second. "He's no good for you. You'll come crawling back to me." She left leaving the two alone.

"Are you okay, Honey?" Richie took his love's hands. "I'm sorry for just blabbering and screaming at her. I know this wasn't my business."

"I'm fine." Eddie led him to the sofa. "Let's sit down. Today's been a lot."

Richie did as he was told. "I'm sorry for just going on stage today. Like I said I fuck up a lot. I should have told you about it and asked you if you would be okay with it."

"Hell, yeah you should! How the fuck do you think I felt when you just did that?! I was completely overwhelmed and to be honest I didn't need that! Everything is messed up enough already." Eddie took a deep breath. "But it doesn't matter. Your apology is accepted if you promise to not do something like that again without confiding in me beforehand."

Richie hugged him tightly. "I promise. I love you, Eds."

They went upstairs and got out of their suits. After that, they got into bed and cuddled with Eddie lying on top of Richie who was playing with the other's hair.

Chapter Text

-"Richie, you're such an asshole!" Eddie pushed the other trying to get his inhaler which the other held over his head. He was significantly taller than him which was annoying.

"Come on, Eds. You love me!" Richie stuck out his tongue, raising his hand with the inhaler even higher.

He received an annoyed look from Bill. "Rich, give it back to him. We don't have all day."

"Sure thing, Billy." Richie loved to annoy his crush but he did as he was told. "Now, where are the others? I thought we wanted to meet at 6?"

Just now Stan came up to them carrying a backpack. "Sorry, my dad wanted that I help him with something."

"Stan the man!" Richie smiled and made finger guns at him. Bill just hugged him and Richie found it odd since they hugged just for a second too long. But he shook it off. It was probably just his imagination.

After a while, the rest came and they snuck away to their secret hideout. They had met up for a sleepover and Beverly had brought pot so they went there to smoke it. Everyone except Eddie and Ben took a hit.

Richie cuddled up against Eddie. Stan and Bill sat together with Stan playing with the other's hair. They would often do that since it calmed both of them.

The other three sat together leaning against a log. Their week had been awful with Henry torturing them everywhere they went. But at least he wasn't at their school anymore since he had graduated already.

Greta dialed down the bullying towards Beverly as well because she always hung out with the losers. If she tried something they would always back their friend up.

Richie was leaning against the other. "Man it was a really shitty week. I even lost one of my shoes."

"How the fuck do you lose a shoe?" Eddie chuckled and stroked the other's head. "You're such an idiot!"

The other smiled lovestruck he loved the other's laugh. "Well, Eddie Spaghetti, I was kicking against some stones on my way home and you know that I'm always too lazy to properly lace up my shoes? Well, it flung off and into the fucking storm drain! I swear to God this clown is haunting me even after it's death."

Eddie started laughing and sat up more to catch his breath.

Bill just chuckled at them and closed his eyes enjoying the other's hand in his hair. He was leaning against Stan and holding his free hand. Sometimes he wondered if his friends knew. Richie had shot them some knowing glances from time to time but he had never said anything.

But Bill knew that the Trashmouth had something for the spaghetti head. It was just the way he looked at the other reminded him so much of himself and how he looked at Stan.

"That is so dumb, it could only happen to you!" Eddie laughed at the other who just rolled his eyes. But Richie couldn't hide his smile no matter how hard he tried.

As the night went on they went back to Bill's place since his parents weren't home. Beverly sat down on the sofa next to Ben. "How about a game of truth or dare?" She looked around in the circle and everyone thought it was a great idea.

"Okay, I'll start," Richie exclaimed. "Ben, truth or dare?"

"Dare." Ben smiled not knowing that pretty soon he would regret his decision.

A wide grin grew on Richie's face. "I dare you to kiss Bev. Of course only if she's okay with it." He winked at her.

"Sure." She looked at Ben and smiled.

Ben was blushing and gently kissed her. Sure he had always wanted to but this was embarrassing. Beverly on the other hand quite enjoyed their kiss. She liked him. At the start of their friendship, she had a crush on Bill but that didn't work out. So slowly but surely she started to fall for Ben.

"Ehm." He paused for a second. "Mike, truth or dare?"

"Truth. I don't want to get up or something." He was sitting in one of the armchairs and looked quite comfortable.

"Uhh, I've got a good one." Bill sat up, which annoyed Stan a bit since he had his arm around him. "Who is your favorite person in this room?"

"Lame!" Richie took a swing of his beer and got hit in the arm for his comment by Eddie.

"I mean I like you all a lot. But I guess I would have to say, Ben. We hang out the most and it's always fun to talk about Derry's history with him."

"Again, lame!"

"Okay, then, Richie truth or dare?" Mike looked at him challenging him.

"Dare." Richie grinned back at him. His hands were tangled in Eddie's hair which he had been playing with.

Stan was now paying attention to their game. He had the perfect dare to torment his friend. "I've got a good one. How about we take Ben's dare but change it. Richie, I dare you to kiss Eddie." He smiled at the now blushing other.

Stan knew about the other's "little" crush. He had to listen to him talk about it all the time. So, this was payback for all the times Richie had annoyed him with his bad jokes.

"What?" Richie was baffled and just stared at the other.

"You heard me, I dare you to kiss Eddie."-

Richie was lying in his bed next to Eddie thinking about their childhood. It was early in the morning and he wasn't able to sleep. So, he just got lost in his thoughts and memories.

He thought about how he had to better himself for Eddie. How his actions at the charity event were dumb and how he was dumb. He didn't want to ruin this, their relationship. He loved the other.

Eddie was fast asleep. He almost never had problems with falling asleep.

Richie and he had been friends ever since kindergarten and the Trashmouth always tried to protect the other by standing up to their bullies for him. Granted it never did much and he would just get beaten up. Eddie would then take care of his wounds and scream at him for being an idiot. They had always been like two peas in a pot.

Chapter Text

It had been a few days and everything was going smoothly. Richie's shows had been going fine and they were starting to get better. Well, mostly. It was the middle of the night as Richie got one of his nightmares again. His body jerked up and he ran into the bathroom to throw up.

He tried to be quiet to not wake up the other. But it was of no use. Eddie woke up and was confused when he didn't see the other lying next to him. Then he heard the muffled sobs from the bathroom and got up. He opened the door and saw his boyfriend hanging over the toilet bowl.

Richie was shaking and crying. At first, he didn't even notice that the other was there.

"Richie, what's wrong?" Eddie kneeled down beside him and slowly patted his back. The other threw up again.

When he was done with throwing up Richie sat next to the toilet and looked at Eddie defeated. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." His words got mixed up with his sobs and he couldn't catch his breath.

So Eddie decided to do for him what he had always done for him. He took his hands making him look up at him and smiled. "It's okay. We're okay. Just breathe with me." He took deep breaths with him. This seemed to calm him down a bit as Richie was able to breathe properly again.

Tears were still running down his face. "I'm so sorry. I promise I'm trying." He got pulled into a hug by his love.

"You have nothing to apologize for." Eddie just held him close. "You did nothing wrong. It's okay."

"No, it's not! I'm a wreck and I have way too much emotional baggage. You deserve someone better, someone-" Richie was interrupted by Eddie kissing him.

"I don't want someone else. I want to be with you. So don't shut me out please." Eddie caressed the other's cheek slowly brushing away some stray tears. He just looked at him smiling softly.

Richie tried to look away. "Stop looking at me like that! I don't deserve it. It just makes it worse." He slapped the other's hand away as sobs escaped his mouth. "I'm fine. Just leave me alone."

"What do you mean your fine?! You are clearly not. So stop pushing me away!" Eddie was getting irritated. He knew he shouldn't be, he knew screaming at him wouldn't help but he couldn't control his emotions. "Why are you like this?!"

"I'm sorry." Richie let his head fall down as his sobs got louder again. "I don't know why. I'm scared. I'm sorry."

Eddie took a deep breath and just pulled the other into a hug holding him close. "It's okay. I'm sorry for screaming at you. I'm here for you and you're alright." He gave him a kiss on the forehead. "We'll get through this together."

Richie was just crying into his shoulder his hands grasping on tightly to anything he could find.

"You don't have to be alone. I've got you just like you got me. We're a team, remember? I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay." Eddie just held him trying his best to calm the other who was a shaking, crying mess.

Richie hated himself for pushing the other away but he always tried to handle his problems alone and this was no different. On top of that, he had made the mistake of opening up to his last partner which went horribly. But Eddie was different he didn't let himself get pushed away. He was stubborn and just stayed with him.

"Please, stay. Don't leave me alone." Richie looked up at him. Tears were still running down his face but this time they were less.

Eddie just smiled at him and kissed a few tears away. "I'll never leave you. I love you, Rich."

This took the other off guard. It was the first time the other told him he loved him. The tears stopped running because Richie was too shocked. "I love you, too." A small and weak smile crept onto his face.

Eddie kissed him and helped him up. "Come on, let's sit down in the living room." He led him downstairs and sat down with him. "I'll make you some hot chocolate and we can cuddle or talk whatever you'd like."

He stood up and left to go to the kitchen. After a few minutes, he came back with some hot chocolate and a tea for himself.

"Thank you." Richie sniffled and gave him a weak smile. " Shouldn't you go back to bed? You have to work tomorrow."

Eddie just pulled him close. "Nah, I'll be fine. You're more important right now." He had his arms around him and took a sip from his tea.

Richie leaned against him and they just sat there for a few minutes drinking tea and hot cocoa. "Can you say it again?"

"Say what aga-" Eddie was confused until it hit him. "You mean, I love you?"

Richie just nodded and got a bit red which the other found extremely adorable.

"I love you, Richie Trashmouth Tozier." Eddie gave him a short and sweet kiss.

The Trashmouth smiled and was totally love struck. It was wonderful to finally hear those words from the other. He snuggled against him and buried his face in his chest. "I love you so so much!"

Eddie chuckled. It was super cute how the other reacted. So he just said it again. "I love you." He smiled to himself. They were okay. Everything was going to be okay.

The two sat there like that for hours. They just cuddled and talked about some random things. "Do you remember anything from when you were in the coma?" Richie put his hand on the other's chest.

"No, it's coma, Rich. It's not like the movies. Though I dreamed about you and the others. It was like when we were teenagers." Eddie was playing with the other's hair braiding some strands.

"Man, that sounds boring as fuck, just like your mom." Richie chuckled a bit and smiled at him. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being there for me." He kissed the other lightly and put his head down on his chest closing his eyes. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Rich." Eddie smiled at him and continued braiding his hair while they talked.

Chapter Text

In the early morning hours, Eddie left for work leaving his boyfriend alone. Richie was bored and looked around the house. While doing so he remembered that Christmas was coming closer and his thoughts went to what he should get the other. Then he found a collection of albums. They were all from Barry Manilow.

"Well, someone has an obsession." He put one of the albums on and listened to it. It wasn't really his taste in music but it wasn't terrible. And just like that, he had found Eddie a Christmas gift.

After that, he got bored and called Beverly because he knew that she was taking a vacation at the moment.

"Hey, how's it going are you doing alright?" Bev answered immediately. She often called him herself ever since he had told her about his suicide attempt.

Richie chuckled a bit. "I guess I'm okay. Having Eddie with me is really helping. How's your time with Ben?"

"Just wonderful. I'm so lucky to have him he's really good and kind to me." She sounded absolutely lovestruck and Richie was happy for her. Beverly had been through so much first with her father and then her husband. She deserved someone that treated her well.

"Well, he has always been sweet but damn he's gotten hot. Not as hot as my Eds of course but still hot. You know he's been in love with you since middle school." Richie laid down on the sofa and looked at the ceiling.

"Just like you have been in love with Eddie since middle school."

"Well, you got me there." Richie chuckled a bit. "Anyway, I wanted to cook something for my man like a good housewife any ideas?"

"Richie, you are the worst cook I've ever known."

"But I want to try. I want to make something to surprise him."

Beverly thought it was adorable how much he wanted to try to make the other happy. He really loved him. "How about spaghetti? It's easy."

"That's perfect! Spaghetti for Eddie Spaghetti. Thanks, Bev talk to you later." Richie ended the call and searched for a good recipe online which he found almost immediately. He gathered the ingredients and made spaghetti.

After he was finished he still had some time. So he laid down on the sofa and without anticipating it he fell asleep. It was probably because he was exhausted from not sleeping enough.

An hour later or so Eddie came home and just as he wanted to call out to him he saw him lying on the sofa. He went over to him and pulled a blanket over him tugging him in. A smile spread across his face as he sat down next to him and just caressed his cheek.

Richie awoke a few minutes after Eddie came home. He was confused as he didn't think he would fall asleep. "Hm, Eds?" He was drowsy and just tried to pull the other down to him to give him a kiss.

Eddie just let himself be dragged down and kissed him. They cuddled for a while exchanging kisses while doing so until Richie was fully awake again.

"Oh, by the way, I made us dinner, baby." He got up and led the other into the kitchen.

"You made dinner?!" Eddie was surprised and a bit worried since the last time he had eaten something the other had made was when they were teenagers. It was awful.

Richie warmed up the spaghetti and sauce since it had gotten cold and served it. He had gotten some champagne and lit up a few candles.

"Rich, this is really sweet of you." Eddie was totally wowed. He hadn't expected anything like that from the other. It was really romantic and made him fall even harder for him. He tried a bit of the spaghetti. It was disgusting. But he tried to act as if it wasn't. The only problem had been that Eddie was a bad actor.

"It's awful, isn't it?" Richie sighed and tried a bit himself. He spit it out almost immediately.

Eddie chuckled a bit. "It's way too much salt. Sorry."

Richie brushed him off. "It's fine. Maybe you should teach me how to cook sometime." He grinned at him. "How about pizza?"

"Pizza sounds great."

So Richie got out his phone and ordered them something to eat. While they waited they chatted a bit. "So, how was work?"

"It was really exhausting." Eddie sighed and leaned against the other as they had sat down on the sofa again. "Nothing went right. My boss was pissed off and screamed at me whenever I made the tiniest mistake or asked a question that should have been clear."

Richie just put his arm around him and kissed him on his head. "Oh, honey that sucks. I'm sorry."

"It does! I work so hard every day and when I make one mistake I get yelled at. Like sorry not sorry, all the other people in my workplace are fucking clowns if you ask me! This is a joke."

Richie just listened to him rant while stroking his arm and giving him his undivided attention. "Babe, your boss is an asshole."

"He is! And the worst thing is he thinks he's some high and mighty saint. But like to be honest has he saved a town from a murderous clown. No! But hey be mad at me because I got impaled!"

"Woah, was he really mad about that?" Richie couldn't believe what he had just heard.

Eddie just continued ranting. "Yeah! Like I should have been back earlier. Man fuck him."

"Nah, honey he might be a bitch but don't fuck him." Richie grinned at him and gave him a kiss. "Don't listen to what he says. I love you and I, for one, think you're great."

The other took a deep breath. "Thanks, Rich." He smiled and kissed him back. Just then the doorbell rang. It was their pizza.

They sat down in the kitchen and ate their pizza to the light of candles. After they were done Richie looked at the other and smirked. "I found your little collection."

"What?" Eddie was confused as he didn't know what the other was talking about.

"You know your Barry Manilow collection. I don't know if I should be worried." Richie joked and put one album on and a slower song played. Granted his songs were all more on the slow romantic side.

"I just like his music, asshole." Eddie rolled his eyes and got pulled up from his chair. "What are you doing?" The other put one of his hands on his hips and intertwined their fingers.

"I'm dancing with you, Baby." Richie pulled his love close and smiled at him. He slowly started to move to the sound of the music.

Eddie joined him and started to move following the other's lead. "I'm no good at dancing, Rich." He smiled a bit overwhelmed and looked down at his feet to make sure that he didn't step on the other's feet.

"That's alright. You're doing good, baby. Just follow my movements and look at me not our feet." Richie chuckled a bit but he really enjoyed this it was romantic and maybe a bit sappy. But it was just what they needed.

The other looked up at him and smiled a bit unsure. He tried to just concentrate on the other's face and it worked. Especially because he got a kiss.

They continued to move to the music when Richie leaned in and whispered 'I love you' in his love's ear.

Eddie chuckled. "I love you too, Rich. I love you even more than your mom."

Richie broke out into laughter. He hadn't expected that. But he loved it, he loved him. "Eds, that was wonderful. I love you. I'm so proud of you."

"It was so bad." Eddie laughed at his boyfriend's reaction.

They continued to dance for a while leaning their head on the other's shoulder and just enjoying the moment. They were safe and they were okay. Sure, they had a lot of things to work through but they were able to work through them together.

Chapter Text

"Baby, I'm not sick." Richie started to sit up but got pushed down. "I'm fine really." It was only a few days until Christmas and Richie had gotten sick.

"Richie, you are sick. Now stay the fuck down." Eddie sat down on the bed next to him and exchanged the wet cloth on the other's forehead.

The other just frowned. "Oh, come on, Dr. K, you could at least give me a kiss." His eyes were unfocused but he had that shit-eating grin on his face that he always had when making fun of the other.

"No kiss for you until you get better. I'm not risking getting sick, too. Now open your mouth." Eddie was holding a thermometer to look at how the other's fever was.

While rolling his eyes Richie complied and after the other had removed it from his mouth he started to talk again. "Look, I might have a small fever. But it's fine. I'm okay." He smiled at him his face paler than normally.

"Jesus, Rich, your fever has gotten up. If it doesn't get better we'll have to go to the doctor." Eddie caressed the other's cheek. "I'll have to go to the office in a bit so stay in bed, okay?"

"Why do you have to go there this late? I thought you had Saturday's off." Richie took the other's hand and looked at him a bit worried.

Eddie smiled at him weakly. "Yeah, I do but my boss called me in. So, I gotta go anyway." He looked at his wristwatch. "Take care. Remember your medicine. I put it next to the bed on the table. There's also two glasses of water, one for the medicine and the second for when you're thirsty. Don't get up if it isn't necessary and try to get some sleep."

"Yeah, yeah, honey, I got it." Richie smiled at the other. "Don't let your boss push you around, okay?"

"I won't. I love you, Rich." Eddie blew him a kiss and left for work.

After a few minutes, Richie got bored. He wanted to do something, anything and couldn't stay still any longer. So, he sat up feeling a bit dizzy. He tried to get up but his legs felt week. "Oh, come on." He forced himself to get up and started wandering through the bedroom while clinging to any furniture near him.

His legs were shaking and his vision got blurry. He tried ignoring it until he fell. "Fuck!" Defeated Richie climbed back into bed and sighed. This was bullshit. He was bored and Eddie was gone. So he had nothing to do.

Meanwhile, his boyfriend was sitting at his desk and analyzing some data his boss had given him. His mind wandered off to the other wondering if he was okay. He was worried about him because he knew that he couldn't sit still. But his train of thought was cut short when his boss came up to him.

"Kaspbrak!" He slammed some already analyzed data on his desk. "What the fuck is this?!"

"Excuse me, what do you mean, sir? That's the work I did last week." Eddie was confused and actually a bit scared. "Is something wrong with it?"

"Is something wrong with it?" His boss mocked him. "It's all messed up and wrong!" He opened the folder containing the files.

"I'm really sorry. I don't know how this could happen-"

"You've been a disaster ever since you left for that vacation in Derry!" He got right up in his face yelling at him. "This is inexcusable!"

Eddie took a deep breath. "I quit."

"What?! You can't quit!" His boss was dumbfounded and just looked at him with a mix of anger and confusion.

But Eddie just got up and looked him dead in the face. "Watch me." And without saying another word he left listening to his boss scream abuse at him. He got in his car and drove back home.

Richie heard the door open and was confused. It couldn't be Eddie he just left 30 minutes ago or so. So, he looked around the room searching for a weapon just in case. But when his boyfriend called out to him he just took a deep breath and calmed down.

Eddie came in through the bedroom door and sat down on the bed next to the other. "How are you?" He looked at him smiling weakly and looking totally out of it.

"I think I should ask you that question. What happened, Eds?" Richie tried to get up but couldn't. He just wanted to hug the other.

Eddie looked down at his hands. "I quit."

"You quit what? Your job?" Richie was confused and finally managed to sit up. He shuffled over to him to sit next to him.

"Yes, I couldn't take him yelling at me anymore. So, I just left." He leaned against the other putting his head on his shoulder and sighed. "I love you, Rich."

"I love you, too. So, you wanna talk about it or?" The Trashmouth gave him a kiss on the head and caressed his cheek, slowly stroking it with his thumb.

Eddie just closed his eyes. He really loved him and he loved how much the other cared. "Nah, maybe later. But not right now." He carefully pushed his boyfriend down. "You should try and get some sleep. I'm really worried about you, Richie."

"Why? I'm fine really! I mean sure I got a fever but apart from that I'm okay." Richie gave him a wide smile and stroked his cheek. He didn't want to see the other to be sad.

But Eddie knew he was lying so he just put his hand on the other's and laid down with him, pulling him close. "I love you, Rich and I'm so fucking scared of losing you. I know you're not okay and you're dealing with a lot. I am, too. But I need you to promise me that you won't try to kill yourself again."

"I won't! Geez, Eds, I love you and I could never leave you. Look at me." He cupped the other's cheeks and made him look at him. "I'm alive and I'm here. I promise you that I will never try to kill myself again if you promise me to do the same."

"Richie, I've never wanted to."

"I know but still."

"I promise." Eddie gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Now please try to sleep."

"Okay, honey." Richie gave him a smile and closed his eyes slowly drifting away into the world of dreams.

Eddie just stroked his hair and stayed by his side to make sure he was okay.