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Feeling human

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“You were furious… You spoke to me with a pure unadulterated anger and said that I am not worthy of my title. That I am not who I say I am and never will be and that I am anything but human. And then.. You killed me.”

The moment her words had ceased was the moment that his heart broke. The silence grew terribly long and the two of them could only stare at the water open mouthed. The same sickness Byleth had felt as though it would almost overtake Dimitri, but he couldn’t afford to show that weakness, he was just starting to get stronger. He was starting to mend these feelings of emptiness and guilt and it all seemed to come back to him in an instant he heard her longing words of a made up merit she refused to fill in his mind's eye.
Byleth turned her body slowly, moving out of her cowardly position she faced Dimitri with ever so timid reaching hands. She felt his face with a very ginger touch, her fingertips swirling against his cheeks that became dampened with the time that passed excruciatingly slow.
Eventually she looked up to her husband, his face crestfallen with fallen tears and a look of overwhelming defeat.

“Dimi.. Dimitri… Hey. Talk to me.”

“I am… I am disgusted in myself. I suppose my record of being a nightmare hasn’t ceased… Has it? I remember you told me of this very scenario not to long ago but you refused to go into detail… I was so ashamed of myself. Have I allowed myself to go so far as to make you scared? Make you fall ill? It is… disheartening to hear your troubles my love I… I wish so badly I could fight those fears. B-But I am afraid I cannot shake my outward appearance. Even after counselling with mercedes and ventings with Sylvain I still-”

Dimirti took in a deep breath, forcing himself to pause before causing an outburst.

'Just as Mercedes taught you Dimi...

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Relax.'

He raised his head to Byleth, his blue eyes shaking with the silence as he felt her loving eyes fall dazed upon his face. Not a single expression differed from the one of love that she always treated him with.
She wasn’t scared of him.
She had shouldered all of these feelings for so long, countless nights of getting up and wandering the room just to crawl back into bed and sleep tucked in tightly to the very man that had woken her up with clamminess.
She was afraid of who he could have turned into.
She internally always wondered if she wasn’t herself, would things have been easier for Dimitri?
If she could have shown more compassion at the right times would he have been more healed?
If she hadn’t disappeared for 5 years would he be less guilt ridden?
Every night Byleth had nightmares of failing him.
Failing her beloved.

“You… Might see yourself as someone whose feelings are not linear to that of mine, someone who we never truly be understood… But the more you bury these feelings, the less likely they are to be shaken. If you hadn’t confronted those nightmares, they could have haunted you longer… Just as they did mine. Though now that you are here, alert, awake, and sound… I will be sure to help you forge a new dream. Whenever you have a bad dream, I will always be by your side, to speak, and to help ward the thought that they are your fault. Because as I see it, these nightmares of yours are nothing but a joke your brain is playing on you. Not a very funny one but.. You just have to trick it by not agreeing. Nothing is your fault. You have powered and traversed through the roughest of hardships, and as I see it, that makes you just as human as the rest of us.”

Dimitri pulled her hands down from his face and held them close together, running his thumb across the top he studied her battle scars with intense narrowing eyes and an overwhelming rush of emotions.

“You are a true display of what it means to be human. Though your exterior composure can be… Erm… Deceiving, Your kindness and your terms of forgiveness are… So everlastingly beautiful. You have more compassion and emotion then any one of us in this kingdom could ever wish of having and you have a true heart of gold, beating or not. I can confidently say, looking at you in such a vulnerable and truthful state I… I have never adored someone so much… And that's just it! You ARE someone! And always will be someone. Whether to me, the people of our kingdom, or your past students you will always mean more than just a deity that people look up to for comfort. You are the strongest human being I have ever met in my life. Both physical, and mental. Everyday I find myself thanking the gods that they brought me to you, because without you, I wouldn’t be here today.”

Byleth held Dimitris hands tightly as she pulled herself out of the tub, Dimitris eyes wide as he stood up, meeting body to body with the wet green haired woman. She really didn’t seem to care whether she was nude or wet or what have you-- She just wanted to share in his embrace, and of course, Dimitri didn't mind either. Any chance to hold his wife was enough to make him not mind what was around him. His strong arms wrapping around her small body and his chin resting soundly on the top of his head, they fit perfectly together.
Of course, Byleth found it a little odd how easily it was for Dimitri to see right through her with just a short description of her dream but… that's just the reason why she loved him so much.

Such a kind and caring individual who puts up such a strong front for her.. The small moments where he fell apart for just a little bit of comfort were always the most memorable.. The ones that helped her feel more at home. More herself.

Dimitri helped her feel more human.