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Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: The Asset Coda

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It takes exactly a week for the three of them to find an apartment in an area they all like, that they can afford on the salaries they’ll hopefully be bringing in. It takes another three days to find furniture and have it delivered or put it together, along with a three-cart trip to the closest supermarket.

They order takeout for the first meal they eat at the table, and then the three of them sit on the brand new couch, turning on the equally brand new stereo system but not the TV. Puck laughs a little when he realizes they’ve sat down just like they did in the truck, with Feels in the middle.

“Old habits, huh?” he says, grinning at Kurt and Feels.

“It makes sense that you’d still sit with your arm on the outside,” Kurt says. “But I agree that force of habit might be playing a role, as well.”

“If we sit here without any of us looking anywhere but straight ahead, we’ll know it’s just pure habit,” Puck says. “Or if any of us starts trying to defend the couch.” As soon as Puck finishes talking, Feels stands up abruptly, radiating somewhat embarrassed discomfort, and then flees the room. Puck watches Feels leave, determining that the feeling left behind is definitely a mild arousal, and he turns to look at Kurt then, eyebrows raised. “Do you feel that?”

“I’m trying not to feel it, but yes,” Kurt says.

“Interesting,” Puck says noncommittally. “Did you want to ask him if he wants to play ‘suspect’?”

Kurt’s face turns red. “I’m not responsible for what he’s feeling!”

“I didn’t say you were. I just thought, you know.” Puck grins a little. “If you wanted to, he might not turn us down.”

“It was just a fantasy,” Kurt protests. “It wasn’t something you were supposed to take seriously, or to actually involve Finn in!”

Puck blinks. “You told me a fantasy you didn’t actually want to do?”

“We haven’t even been romantically involved that long. Maybe we should start with one of yours. My files are almost all set up again,” Kurt says.

“You still haven’t answered the question. Either question, come to think of it,” Puck says, still grinning slightly.

“How can we even be sure that it’s really your idea?” Kurt asks. “Do you really even find him attractive?”

“We could go outside the apartment and down the hall,” Puck says. “That’s worked so far. And remember I said I grew up in Indiana? Midwestern boys were the only boys around to find attractive for my formative years. I didn’t replace anything, just broadened my horizons.”

“Well, of course he’s attractive,” Kurt says. “That’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking if you’re attracted.”

“This is starting to feel like a trick question,” Puck says, but he keeps grinning. “You really don’t want to answer my question. Which makes me think that the answer is yes.”

“On a completely self-indulgent, base level, yes, okay?” Kurt says, putting one hand over his face.

“So why not ask him?” Puck says almost cheerfully.

“I don’t want us to mess up what we have here,” Kurt says. “Not our relationship, and not the relationship we have with Finn.”

Puck shrugs. “As far as you and me, I figure as long as we’re talking and we’re on the same page, it’s good. You’re right that we don’t know how Feels feels about it.” He grins. “Feels might feel similarly.”

“Is it really necessary to call him that every single time?” Kurt asks, the same question he asks at least once a day.

“We can see how Feels feels about it later,” he offers. “After we ask him your question.”

My question? I have no idea how to ask someone if they’d like to participate in a threesome roleplay with us!”

Puck laughs. “Maybe just repeat that sentence a little more loudly, and that’ll do it.”


“Not that one. He’ll think we’re getting frisky on the brand-new couch,” Puck says, still laughing.

“Why do I have to say something? You say something!” Kurt says.

“So you do want me to say something?” Puck says, then raises his voice. “Hey, Feels!”

“Oh my god, no!” Kurt whispers as he does a frantic little handwave.

“Why not?” Puck hisses back before calling out again. “Feels!”

“We should discuss this more!”

“Are you going to turn it down if he says yes?” Puck asks, somewhat incredulously.

“I’m just still not sure this is a good idea,” Kurt says. “Maybe we should sleep on it and discuss it tomorrow, after Finn leaves the apartment.”

“We’re already a little bit—” Puck breaks off as Feels re-enters the room.

“Hey,” Feels says. He’s giving off curiosity, sure, but also suspicion. A lot of suspicion. “Is everything okay?”

“Kurt—we—have a question for you,” Puck says. “That’s all.”

The suspicion intensifies as Feels nods. “Ohhhkay.”

Kurt is just glaring at Puck, so Puck shrugs. “There’s not really a good way to break it gently, so I’ll just say it.” He grins widely. “What do you think about a threesome?”

The rolling blast of emotion from Feels hits Puck and Kurt like fallout from a nuclear explosion, forcing both of them to take a staggered step backwards. It’s not the first time that’s happened, and as far as Puck can reason it out, it seems to be characteristic of Feels having strong multiple emotions, strong enough that Puck can’t figure out what any individual emotion even is.

“I wasn’t thinking about a threesome!” Feel says loudly. “If that’s what you thought I was thinking, that’s not!”

“Oh?” Puck asks, because Feels seems a little too determined to make them think that. “Kurt was.”

“Oh my god, Puck, really?” Kurt says.

Puck is pretty sure that the room is going to start vibrating pretty soon, but he manages to shrug at least somewhat casually. “Okay, Kurt and I both were, but it started out as a generic idea on Kurt’s part.”

“Very generic,” Kurt says. “Extremely generic.”

“It was pretty specific for being generic,” Puck insists.

“It was both highly specific and exceptionally generic,” Kurt says.

“I think I’m just going to go back to my room for a few minutes,” Feels says.

“That’s not an answer,” Puck says quickly. “If you leave, it’ll be awkward.”

“It’s not already awkward?” Feels asks, and to be fair, he is kind of radiating awkwardness.

“Okay, it’ll be more awkward and more likely to stay awkward,” Puck says, shrugging. “Is it that horrible of an idea?”

“Yes!” Feels says, then, “No! Shit, maybe both. It’s simultaneously horrible and not horrible.”

“Focus on the not-horrible part.” Puck looks at Kurt. “Should I take off my shirt?”

“Jumping straight to the hard sell with the abs?” Kurt asks.

“I was thinking it’s a bigger draw than talking about camels in Kurdish,” Puck says, then looks at Feels. “You want me to take off my shirt?”

It’s mostly a rhetorical question, because Puck can tell Feels does want Puck to take his shirt off, and Puck looks briefly at Kurt’s raised eyebrow before he shrugs and does take his shirt off. It’s not as casual or easy as he’d like it to look, since he has to work around the still-tender bullet wound, but he finally gets it off without looking too dumb, tossing it in the floor before he looks back at Feels.

“Oh,” Feels says.

Kurt nods. “I know!”

“Is that a ‘yes’ oh?” Puck asks.

Kurt’s raised eyebrow floats even higher. “I think we both know that’s a ‘yes’ oh.”

“It’s not a bad thing to want to hear it!” Puck says, looking between Kurt and Feels, because he does like a compliment. He pauses, letting himself identify what Feels is radiating, then continues. “Or feeling it works too, I guess.”

“Yes,” Feels says. “It’s a yes.”

“Well, we shouldn’t—” Puck pauses and shakes his head a little. “We shouldn’t get our nice new couch messy.”

“It is a very nice new couch,” Kurt says agreeably as he starts unbuttoning his shirt.

“I’m just being practical,” Puck says with a grin in Feels’ direction. “What do you think, Feels? Bedroom?”

“I think that sounds good,” Feels says. “I can’t think of any reason why not.”

Puck exhales, his eyes closed, and luxuriates in the heavy cloud of emotion that feels like it’s physically filling the room. “I’m not the only one feeling this, right?” he mutters.

“Nope,” Kurt says, following it with drunk-sounding giggle. “I feel a little sorry for you, Finn, since you don’t get to be on the receiving end of this.”

“Oh, I think Feels received plenty,” Puck says, turning his head even though he doesn’t open his eyes. Kurt drunk-giggles again and Feels groans.

“Yeah, I like you, too,” Feels says, nudging Puck with his elbow. “And anyway, I kind of can feel it a little, I think. Maybe it just sort of soaked into the walls or something. Is it like this all the time for you guys?”

Kurt nods against Puck’s shoulder. “Not usually quite so much, but there’s always at least some ambient emotion there.”

“Yeah, it’s usually more like Eeyore’s cloud, you know? But not always gloomy. This is more like…” Puck trails off, thinking. “A sauna. An afterglow sauna.”

“Mmm, I like a sauna,” Kurt says.

“This is better than the one at the gym, though.” Puck rolls over a little and opens his eyes. “So how in the world did you ever get anyone to break up with you, if they had this?”

Feels rolls onto his stomach and props his head up on his hand. “It was the same pattern every time. Things would be going well, then it felt like all of a sudden, they’d just start getting mad at me over everything, then I’d get mad back, and they’d get madder and— well, at least that part of it makes sense now, anyway.”

“You were happy, so when they were with you, in actual close proximity to you they were happy,” Kurt says. He reaches across Puck’s chest, resting his hand on Feels’ arm. “That probably isn’t conducive to the little arguments most couples have.”

“Maybe awareness is a good part of it. We know it’s happening, so we’re better able to remember other things?” Puck speculates.

“And Finn knows it’s happening, which brings at least some degree of modulation to bear,” Kurt says.

“Want to say that in regular English for the specialists and kindergarten teachers in the room?” Finn asks.

“Or regular Arabic, maybe?” Puck says.

Feels leans forward, his mouth close to Puck’s ear, and whispers, “أحب الحلمة مشعر الخاص بك.”

Puck starts to laugh, almost snorting. “How long did you practice that, Feels?”

“Kurt and I have been practicing it while you lift,” Feels says proudly. “And I totally do, by the way.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Puck says, laughing again. “You know what that means?”

“Yep. We started with Google Translate, but now we’ve got some language course mp3s.”

“We thought it would be helpful to have a common language so we could converse around Mercedes,” Kurt says.

Puck grins. “Well, if you succeed in getting her reassigned, at least there’s a bedroom available for her now.”