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In The Darkest Parts Of You

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“Hey, Cas? You alright?” Dean stands in the doorway of his bedroom, staring at the back of Castiel’s bedhead. He hasn’t moved all morning and, at first, Dean thought he was just cozy, but the longer he stays put, the more worried Dean gets.

As Dean suspected, he gets no answer, so he steps into the room, flicking on one of the lamps so he doesn’t stub his toe, and rounds the bed. Unsurprisingly, he finds Castiel with his eyes open and a blank stare directed at the wall. Dean lets out a heavy sigh and sinks down on the edge of the mattress, his hand moving to Castiel’s blanket-covered shoulder. He’d suspected this would happen when Castiel became human, but he’d hoped beyond hope that Castiel would be spared.

“You hungry?” Dean gets only a single blink of the eyes in answer and his heart sinks a little more. He lowers himself to his knees beside the bed, putting his face right up close to Castiel’s as he strokes his hair, his fingers catching in the knotted mess as he tries to smooth it out. “No?”

Again, no proper answer. Castiel just closes his eyes, red-rimmed and puffy as they are. The dark circles and bags have Dean’s heart aching in his chest—a steady thrum of pain for his hurting angel. God, he wishes he could take it all away, but he knows there’s nothing he can do. His own experience says that Castiel just needs time and patience, but Dean has never been great at patience. He’s a getter done quick and easy kind of guy—not one to wait around for things to solve themselves—but he’ll do it; for Castiel, he’d do anything.

“Okay,” Dean whispers, his thumb stroking over Castiel’s stubbled cheek. “Well, I’ll just…I’ll be in the library if you need anything. Anything at all, okay? Just ask.” Then he starts to move away, pulling his hand back as he stands, but it gets caught and Dean’s eyes snap down to where Castiel’s fingers clutch his own, and his eyes blink up at Dean, bleary and exhausted.

“Stay?” he croaks, and all Dean can do is nod as he stares down at his lover, their fingers twining together before Castiel’s slip away, but his eyes never leave Dean’s.

“Of course,” Dean says, and he smiles a soft, fond smile as the warmth of love floods him. “Let me just…” He points to the door and Castiel nods, so Dean steps away, closing the door and stripping out of his jeans before turning off the lamp and crawling into bed behind Castiel. 

Dean pulls him close, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tight as he buries his nose into Castiel’s neck, happy to be able to give him this one thing.

They lie like that for hours, just breathing each other in as the clock ticks the time by on the bedside table. It’s dark and warm and Dean is comfortable, but still, he holds Castiel tight, hoping this is what he needs to feel a little bit better…a little bit lighter…a little bit more himself.

They sleep. For a long time, they sleep, and when the morning comes, they begin again.