It wasn't rare but it wasn't common either. Aziraphale knew that not everyone had a soulmate and some that did, never had the chance to connect with them because their soulmate was gone too early. It was known that the the lucky ones that did, could share thoughts with their soulmates in moments of intense emotions. It was completely involuntrary and no one could do it on purpose.
They could help each other no matter how far they were, without being able to understand who their other half is. That realisation was up to them. Maybe they would never meet, but they were always there for each other nevertheless.
As a kid Aziraphale hadn't given it too much thought. Didn't really care if he did have one himself. But as a teen he started to find the idea of his other half existing somewhere in this universe really comforting and even romantic. He really hoped that he did, until one night at the age of fourteen he confirmed that his soulmate was out there.
"It's gonna be ok."
It wasn't exactly in words... More like a feeling that went through his entire body. It was comfort and affection and warmness. He shivered realising his soulmate connected with him for the first time and was there to help him calm down as his parents were yelling and fighting in the next room.
"That's enough. I'm taking Aziraphale and you're never seeing us again."
"You're not taking my son anywhere. You're nothing without me."
"You think we need your money? I'll work for my son and I, while you're too busy fucking your secretary."
"Enough." his father yelled and Aziraphale heard a sound as if he had hit the table with his hands. His mother went quiet.
Tears were now running down his cheeks as he was sobbing as silently as he could.
"It will be ok, everything will be fine."
The feeling was still there. It felt like a hug; it felt like someone was holding him and was petting his hair; it felt like someone was wiping his tears away, assuring him that everything will be okay. And he believed them. He lied down on his bed, covered himself with his soft blanket and slept as if he was really in the arms of his soulmate.
Almost a year had passed and he hadn't connected with his soulmate ever since that night. He missed them. He was wondering who could they be. Was it someone he knew? Were they living close to him or were they on the other side of the planet and they would never meet? Were they a boy or a girl? He hoped he was a boy. But the truth was, whoever they were, he loved them.
It was Friday night and he was alone in his room, reading a new book. Books always helped him escape his thoughts and get away from his problems. He found peace in them and was always picturing himself having his own bookshop one day with a large variety of old and new books. It was his dream.
He was only on the third page when he started to feel uneasy. A wave of fear and shame and anger filled his chest. He was sweating.
What is happening?
It was his soulmate. They were the one in trouble this time.
"What the fuck even is that tattoo on your face? You freak."
They were getting bullied and Aziraphale actually got red from the anger he felt at the moment. How dare they hurt his other half?
He closed his eyes and tried to send them any thought or emotion he could.
"It's okay. It's gonna be okay. They are not worth it. You are perfect the way you are. Don't believe them. You can stand up for yourself. I believe in you."
He pictured himself holding their hand, hoping they could feel it.
After some moments he realised he had succeeded. All the negative emotions were starting to fade and he was feeling calm again. He didn't know what happened but he knew he had helped. And the emotions he felt by helping his soulmate were indescribable. He stood there, with his eyes closed so every cell of his body could fill with this feeling.
Crowley was sixteen and he just had, for the first time in his life, stood up for himself against his bullies. He did it because this time he wasn't alone. He had his soulmate. This lovely person who he didn't know, but who had broken his heart with their soft sobs, almost a year ago.
It was only their second time connecting but Crowley could only feel an unexplainable love for them. A love that consumed his whole body.
He never believed he would have a soulmate himself. He always felt so disconected from the world, so alone... He had a hard time believing that someone who was his other half would exist out there. But they did. And he couldn't be more grateful, even though he had no idea who they were. The only thing he could do was help them whenever he could and hope they would meet in person one day and spend their lives together.
Two years had passed and no new connection. He would start to get worried if he hadn't heard from others, that when someone loses their soulmate before they meet them, they feel this unbelievable sadness without being able to connect with them. That's when they know they're gone.
Thank God that hadn't happened in his case. But he still wondered about them. How were they, how were things with their family... How did they look, how old were they...So many questions. He wanted to meet them like crazy.
Crowley had finished school and his ultimate dream his whole life was to study the stars. They always fascinated him. He spent hours and hours imagining how they were created...
Growing up he didn't look like the kid who would be interested in physics. Since he was in his early teens he would only wear dark clothes, paint his nails black, have long hair... And of course he would always wear his dark sunglasses hiding his really special eyes, that most people seemed to be freaked out by. On top of everything, after he got that snake tattoo on the side of his face, the judgment for his appearance from others only got worse.
So whenever he told someone about his dream of becoming an astronomist they would always brush it off as nonsense. But he believed in himself and knew he could do it. He had applied at the university of Cambridge and was now holding in his hands the letter of their response. All those years of hard, hard work came down to this letter. His heart was beating like crazy and he felt an intense stomach pain. His hands were trembling and he couldn't find the power in him to open it and see the answer. What if all his dreams were suddently teared down?
"Whatever it is... You can do it. I know you can. I'll be here with you."
It was them. He felt such a relief having their support in this moment. He sensed a hand on his shoulder giving him strength. He knew that with them by his side he could deal with whatever the response was.
He slowly opened the letter and actually screamed out loud. "Yes!!!Yes!!!!"
His soulmate had brought him luck. "You are such an angel." he whispered even though he knew his soulmate couldn't hear him. "Thank you. My angel."
It was the hardest moment of his life. His mother and he had been living alone since they left his abusive father. She was always there for him. So loving and supportive no matter how difficult life was for her. And he lost her. She had been sick for about two years. He knew this moment was coming, but no one can ever be prepared for moments like this.
His soulmate was there, in multiple moments lately... When she died, during the funeral, in the moments he was alone crying... He could feel their embrace, their hands holding his... And got this feeling of comfort that he would get through this too and things would be okay again.
Oh he loved them so much; this person somewhere in the world with the face tattoo.
Aziraphale was so proud of himself. His bookshop business was actually going really good.
He was terrified while making this big step in his life but he was ready to take any risk that would get him closer to his dream. His collection of books was still limited but he knew he would make it as big as he dreamed as a kid one day.
When he opened up his bookshop, his soulmate was there.
"Whatever it is that is happening, congratulations! I'm proud of you."
This feeling of his soulmate supporting him and being proud of him made this special day even better. He would never forget it. Things were actually going good in his life and he hoped they would stay like that.
" No I can't name my price, I don't have it."
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself down. "Well now there is no need for that kind of language."
Dealing with customers was the part of the job he didn't particularly enjoy, especially when communicating with them over the phone.
"I don't know what you've heard about my bookshop but I'm assuring you I don't have this book. I do have a lot of other astoronomy books that are quite rare. You can come by and see for yourself."
His collection had grown since he opened up the shop and Aziraphale took real pride in it. He wouldn't let anyone doubt it.
"Yes you can come by today, it's open until eight...Goodbye."
Asshole. He thought when the call ended.
The fame of his bookshop had gone wider with the time and people gossiped. It was said that someone could find there any old or rare books they're looking for, but that the seller is not always thrilled to actually sell them. And yes that was partly true; selling books - which he had worked really hard to obtain - was not one of his favourite activities. But he hadn't lied to this terribly rude man on the phone, when he said he didn't have the book he wanted. He knew about it of course, but he was pretty sure there were only a few copies of it around the country. He would have to go through great trouble to get his hands on that one.
This new customer would come by later that day to take a look around the store for any other astronomy books he might be interested in. Aziraphale did not look forward to meeting him. But at the same time he couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he would realise his mistake and be stunned by the treasures of books Aziraphale kept in his store. He would forgive anything but never someone doubting his beautiful collection.
Crowley really wanted - no- needed this book. He was working on an insanely difficult project at work and there was no room for mistakes. His last hope to find it was this famous bookshop with the rare books. But that same hope had died when the owner reassured him that he didn't have any copies of it.
The thing is that he didn't trust him at all. Even though his voice on the phone was so warm and soft that he couldn't imagine it telling lies... He had heard he didn't like selling the most precious of his books, no matter how high was the price he would be offered each time. Maybe he was lying to him and the book he so needed was resting on a self, deep inside the bookshop. He would go later to check himself if this Aziraphale was lying to him or not.
The bookshop would close in half an hour and he was running late. He was driving his bentley like a maniac to make it on time. Thankfully he did it and was now opening the door of the shop. Walking in, he was hit by a combined smell of old books and strong tea. It looked like a big old library. Seemed like you could trully find anything you wanted there. Well...except for the thing he actually wanted, apparently.
He walked a little further inside when he saw a blonde man with his back turned on him tiding up some bookselves. He must be Aziraphale. The man noticed his presence and turned around. We'll see now if he can lie to-
Crowley tried to close his mouth, that was currently hanging open, fast enough so he wouldn't look like a complete idiot. Oh fuck me, the guy is cute. Too cute.
"Hi, uhm hello."he stumbled over his words.
Aziraphale's heart stopped beating for some seconds. It happened every time he saw someone who had a face tattoo and in this occassion, the man in front of him had a snake tattoo on the side of his face. "A face tattoo" was the only clue he had about what his soulmate looked like. It's just this time... This time he felt different. He felt... No no, he wouldn't let it happen again. For once he had to protect himself and not get hurt. It could be just another coincedence.
"Hello." he answered back with a shy smile. He felt himself blushing and would gladly hide behind a self now to save himself from being embarassed. The man looked too good for his own good. Tall, with fire red hair that brushed his shoulders and a pair of dark sunglasses that hid his eyes, which were probably as beautiful as the rest of him.
He realised that after saying hello they were both just standing there, looking at each other. For some reason it didn't feel awkward at all; well until he realised it was happening.
The redhead broke the spell by speaking again.
"Uhm... I am...I am the guy who called earlier. For this book... The...The... The one about the stars..." He looked incredibly nervous and somehow it made Aziraphale feel better for his own awkwardness at the moment.
"Wait... You were the one on the phone who accused me of lying?" His anger came back.
"Yes." he admitted with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry for talking to you that way. I realise how rude I was. I... I'm having a really bad day and the pressure of trying to find this book is a little too much, you know? It's not an excuse for taking it all out on you, I am aware. And I am really sorry. I hope you can forgive me."
The smile he offered Aziraphale was simply the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. God could he possibly be his soulmate? His head was spinning from all the emotions he felt around him and they had only spoken for a minute or two.
Again he tried to contain himself. It hadn't been too long since he had finally recovered from the last heartbreak of wrongly thinking he had found his other half in some other guy. He was definately not ready to go through this again.
Soulmate or not though, his anger had already left him and was replaced by excitement and little butterflies in his stomach.
He smiled back. "I understand how life can be. I accept your apology. But I hope you do believe me when I say I don't have it now."
How could I not, you absolute cutie?
"Of course I do. I was being stupid before. Could you... Could you show me the other astoromy books you said you had?"
"Absolutely! After you." he smiled and gestured with his hand at the place he kept this section of books.
Crowley had trouble breathing by how lovely his smile was. He didn't look like anyone he had ever met before. His blonde curls were almost white and his eyes were out of this world. And his nose was so adorable, he just wanted to plant a little kiss on it.
His outfit looked like it came out from another century but somehow it looked perfect on him; even his tartan bowtie that tied the whole look together. The colors of his clothes were pale like he was and by just looking at him he felt calm and peaceful. At that very moment he wasn't worried about his job, he wasn't worried if he'd ever find the book, he could only let himself drown in this feeling of calmness and familiarity.
Aziraphale interrupted his thoughts.
"You can take a look here. See what you might like."
Crowley was trully impressed going through the books. Some could really help his research.
"Your collection is remarkable. I think I could really use some of them."
"I'm really happy to hear it."
There was that smile again that made him weak in the knees. Could he be... Could he be his soulmate? His little angel? Who would be more perfect than him?
It was way too early in their meeting to start speculating things like that, but he had never felt anything so intense before when meeting someone. He took a deep breath and tried not to get too excited. He could be wrong and it would hurt like hell. He should take things slow but he knew well, that he'd make sure they would meet again very soon.
"Great. I... I'll take these three."
They moved to the cash desk and as he was paying, Crowley felt the need to apologise for his behaviour again. He felt like the biggest jerk in the world for talking like that to this... This cinnamon roll.
"I'm sorry again. For the phonecall."
"Don't worry about it. I've already forgotten it." he said giving him a sweet blushed look.
Oh he could just bite those rosy cheeks. Put yourself together.
"Thank you. It's Crowley by the way. My name. I mean my first name is Anthony but the people in my life call me by my last name, Crowley."
"Okay then. Crowley." he put the books in a bag and Crowley reached out his hand to get it. Their hands brushed only for a moment during this quick transfer but he could swear he felt some kind of electricity. He wanted to take off his glasses and get lost in him with his bare eyes. But that would be too weird so he just took a deep breath instead and smiled when Aziraphale spoke again. "I hope they'll seem useful to you. From what I've gathered you really need them. I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful with the other book. It really is hard to find."
"No, no you don't have anything to apologise for. I'm sure these books will help me just as much. I... I'll come by soon. To see some more books. And update you on my work progress." he let out a nervous giggle.
"That would be a pleasure, my dear. I'm looking forward to it." He seemed really genuine and Crowley chose to believe him. After all he shared the same excitement. He hadn't left the bookshop yet but he already couldn't wait for their next meeting.
"I'll see you soon then."
"Yes. See you soon."
He heard the door closing.
He ordered his heart to stop beating so fast but it wouldn't obey. His eyes were glued to the door from where Crowley had just left. He could still smell his scent around the shop even after he was gone. Saying that he felt absolutely charmed by Crowley would be an understatement. He felt much much more but he didn't dare to aknowledge it.
The first time he had helped his soulmate he had learnt that they had a face tattoo. Ever since that day he always freezed when he met someone who had one. It was quite rare but when it did happen it messed with his head and mostly his heart.
The last time he met one, he actually got into a relationship with him. It didn't feel right from the beginning and deep down he knew it wasn't him. But he felt so lonely and his soul craved his true love. So he had chosen to close his eyes and ears and pretend he had found the one.
Their relationship was not bad but it wasn't too healthy either. Any serious problems they would be dealing with, Aziraphale would brush them off as nothing and act as if everything was perfect. "I haven't connected with them since we met. It must be him." he would say to himself in moments of doubts.
After some time into their relationship, he finally got the courage to talk to him about his thoughts. When his boyfriend revealed to him that he had never connected with his soulmate in his life, his entire world collapsed. The lies he was feeding himself that he had found them, had actually gotten to him. And the cold realisation that he was wrong broke his heart into a million pieces.
He would be careful this time. Especially now that everything seemed too real. Too intense. Too much.
The heartbreak for this one would be incomparable.
And yet that didn't stop him from immediately starting a research to find the book for Crowley. He seemed to be in real need of it and something inside Aziraphale was pushing him to do anything he could to help him. And he would.
Thanks for reading :)
It would be too obvious to go back to the bookshop only after a day. No no, he could be patient for a few more. Otherwise Aziraphale would get the wrong idea. Well, he wouldn’t be exactly wrong if he thought Crowley was head over hills for him after only some moments of talking with him… But he didn’t want to scare him off.
Oh but he looked so sweet and beautiful. He just wanted to look at him and absorb every little detail of his handsome face. He felt like such an idiot for hating on him before they met.
The apology he gave Aziraphale didn’t feel enough, but he seemed to accept it so kindly.
He caught himself feeling guilty when he desperately wished for Aziraphale to be his soulmate. He would feel so disapointed if he wasn’t, but that wasn’t right. His soulmate… His sweet gurdian angel was always there for him. They were his other half… He shouldn’t choose a person he had just met over them.
He calmed himself down taking a deep breath, closing his eyes. His thoughts were aching his head, coming one after the other.
He wasn’t choosing anyone. He simply wished Aziraphale was his soulmate… And there was nothing wrong with that.
But he should really stop speculating.
He knew very well that jumping into conclusions this fast could easily lead to heartbreak and he sure as hell did not want to go through it.
In order to escape his thoughts he decided to continue working. He grabbed the books he bought from the shop and went to his desk.
They were trully helpful to his research and once again he thanked his luck Aziraphale had appeared on his way.
Still, he didn’t think he could finish his project without the book he was originally looking for. It was a real pain in the ass.
Aziraphale had called everyone he knew who could help him find it. Well almost; There was this one bookshop owner he hadn’t reached out to. And he had never disliked a person more than him.
Aziraphale used to be his employee before he opened up his own bookshop and ever since they’ve been competitors. He had managed to achieve a bigger collection than him and the other man wouldn’t let it go.
But… he was Aziraphale’s last hope to find the book for Crowley.
He knew he could just forget about it and call it a day. But he didn’t want to. He had this incredible urge to help Crowley. Be the reason he smiled. So he swallowed his pride and called his old boss.
"Hello Gabriel. How are you?"
"I’m fine… To be honest I’m surprised to hear from you."
"Well that makes two of us. I…" Aziraphale closed his eyes hating every word coming out of his mouth. "I need your help."
He could almost hear Gabriel’s satisfied grin on the other line of the phone. But if it meant it would earn a certain redhead’s smile… It was absolutely worth it.
He managed to stay away from the bookshop for five days. He spent his time focusing on work and trying to get his mind to think of something other than the color of Aziraphale’s eyes.
His patience was running thin though and he couldn’t wait a minute longer to see him again. Maybe he would get his number this time… Or even ask him out. All that of course if he actually found the courage to do it and not get his tongue tied at the sight of Aziraphale’s sweet smile.
The urge to see him was burning him so he hopped right into his car, hoping he would find the bookshop open.
Luckily it was, but first he waited in his car for a little bit to get prepared for the meeting.
He looked at himself in the view mirror and fixed up his hair, getting half of it up in a bun. He adjusted his glasses and put on some more cologne.
"You can do this Crowley. Nothing to be nervous about."
He got out of the car, put all the confidence he had in his walk and with his hands in his pockets he approached the bookshop. His excitement mixed with some fear made his heart beat like crazy and he thought for a second he would be dead before he’d arrive at the door.
He took a deep breath, a big grin appearing on his face as he was ready to open the door when he saw inside Aziraphale with a man. He didn’t seem to be just a customer. Aziraphale was smiling at him and was gesturing him to go further inside in the bookshop as if they wanted privacy.
The smile on Crowley’s face was slowly erased as his heart sunk at the thought that came to his mind. What if Aziraphale had a boyfriend? He felt so stupid that this possibility hadn’t occured to him earlier.
His hand was still on the door handle, when he realised he was standing there like a statue. He put his hands back in his pockets, turned around and with his stare locked at his walking feet, he got into his car.
He hadn’t seen the stranger’s face, he was only able to figure that he was quite tall and had dark hair.
He realised he was overreacting. Maybe he was just a friend or a family member. And even if he wasn’t and he was indeed Aziraphale’s boyfriend then that would be okay too. At the end of the day they had only met once and he shouldn’t have any expectations.
He still wanted to see Aziraphale again anyway. Listen to his warm voice, smile at his wonderful eyes… Just be around him. Let himself feel calm next to him… There was something about Aziraphale’s aura that brought him peace.
He would absolutely love to be Aziraphale’s friend. He still secretly wished he was the one but just having him in his life was enough. And for some reason he knew he would.
For now he decided to leave him in his privacy and come by the next day.
"Again, thank you so much Gabriel."
"Yes of course. I mean since I was able to help, why shouldn’t I?"
Aziraphale gave him a kind smile. He was a real jerk but he had really helped him this time.
Gabriel continued. "You didn’t tell me though. What do you need the book for? Must be something very important to you in order to ask me of all people for help."
"Uhmm… It’s… It’s for a friend. He really needs it and I wanted to help. He wouldn’t be able to find it himself."
"Oh. Okay then. Well, I’d better go back to my own shop now. Thank you again for the tea." he said opening the door of the bookshop.
"Consider it as a thank you for the book." he smiled before closing the door and returning to the book he had just earned.
He got it into his hands and looked at it, imagining Crowley’s surprise when he’d realise he had found it. He wondered if he would actually come back as he said or if he’d never be able to reach out to him and give him the book.
He wondered if he’d ever be able to see the color of his eyes, if he’d end up being someone special in his life…
He put the book in a safe place and tried not to obsess over whether Crowley would come back or not. Something inside him whispered to him that it’d be okay. Something inside him told him he would see Crowley again.
So with a bright smile, he let out a sigh of relief and went back to working.
"You’re back!" he tried not to look too excited but it was hard to conceal his emotions when he felt his blood singing. He put down the book he was currently reading and walked towards Crowley.
"I’m back." he let out a small chuckle and approached Aziraphale too, meeting him in the middle.
Aziraphale couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He felt such an overwhelming amount of joy around Crowley. It just felt right.
Crowley continued. "I’m here to check for some more books if that’s alright." His soft expression made Aziraphale unable to wait a minute longer before he showed him his surprise.
"Of course. But first, I have something to show you." he teased him with a smile and Crowley answered with a silent look of curiosity.
Aziraphale left him alone for a moment to go get the book; his heart swelling with happiness, thinking that he would help Crowley and his work.
He came back holding the book behind his back. "So are you still looking for that book you had asked me for, over the phone?"
"Yes." Crowley replied looking suspicious. He had a smile on his face and Aziraphale knew he had already figured out what he was hiding behind his back.
"Well you don’t have to look no more." he said bringing his hands in the front offering him the book with a shy expression.
"Aziraphale… I can’t believe it. You said it was really hard to find, you must have gone through a lot of trouble for this."
"Just made a couple of phonecalls. I’m glad I could actually help."
"Help? You didn’t just help, you’re saving me." He paused looking at the book with a soft smile. "Aziraphale this is so sweet of you. I… I don’t know how to thank you."
"Oh please, it was nothing." Aziraphale felt himself blushing. Watching Crowley’s smile, that was full of relief and happiness, was the only reward he needed. And knowing he was the reason behind that stunning smile he felt his stomach fill with butterflies.
"Thank you." he said again with a serious look on his face. "I guess I don’t need to search for anything else for now." he joked.
"Yes." Aziraphale laughed. And for some reason he felt brave enough to continue. "I hope this doesn’t mean you won’t come back."
He had lifted his eyes giving him a shy look and Crowley’s knees felt weak at the sight.
Aziraphale wanted to see him again, he wanted him in his life too and Crowley felt overwhelmed by so many different emotions.
It wasn’t just his imagination that the two of them shared something special. He wasn’t sure what it was yet, but it was there nevertheless.
"Of course not." he reassured him. "You know what? If you want…We could… We could have some lunch later. If you can…" He was holding his breath waiting for Aziraphale’s reaction.
The bright smile he got in return stole his breath once again. "Of course. I would love to!"
He didnt reply for a moment, getting lost in the warmness and comfort he felt from Aziraphale’s answer.
It was still very early in the morning but he realised he would be late for work. His original plan had been to visit the bookshop in the afternoon, but he simply couldn’t wait and had decided to step by before work.
"Great." he finally managed to get some words out. "I have to go to work now, but you could give me your number so we can talk about when and where we’ll meet."
He of course had the phone number of the bookshop, but he acted oblivious of that knowledge. He wanted their communication to be more… personal.
Aziraphale didn’t seem to mind. Quite the opposite actually, since even his eyes were smiling as he went to his desk to write down his number for Crowley.
He saved the little note as if it was something priceless – which it was – and after fighting with Aziraphale in order to get him to accept at least some money for the rare book, he went back on his way to work; head in the clouds.
Thanks for reading :)
I should be studying accounting for uni but I wrote this chapter instead :)))))))) Someone make me study pls
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Great then I’ll come pick you up at 5 ;)
Aziraphale had been staring at the message on his phone for several minutes with a silly smile on his face, before he realized that he hadn’t replied yet.
Usually at this time his bookshop would still be open, but he didn’t mind at all if it meant he would go on a date with Crowley. Wait…Was it a date? Or was it just friendly? It was probably just a friendly lunch as a thank you for the book. It wasn’t like Crowley had flirted with him or anything. Either way he was really excited to meet him for the second time today. They might have only met twice, but he couldn’t get enough of him.
A customer walked in and interrupted his thoughts.
It was probably for the best. Otherwise he would just stand right in front of the clock begging it to go faster so 5 o’clock would come sooner.
"Watch out for that pedestrian!!"
"She’s on the street. She knows the risk she’s taking."
Oh God. Aziraphale doubted if they would make it to lunch alive. Crowley was such a reckless driver and he wondered if- considering that the car was going faster than the speed of light - their destination was that cute little restaurant he loved or the moon.
They finally arrived to the place and his heart went back to its place.
Crowley had picked him up from the bookshop looking even more handsome than he did in the morning. If that was even possible. He questioned whether he put some extra effort in his appearance because of their plans. Aziraphale definitely did.
"You look a little pale, are you okay?" Crowley touched his elbow as they walked towards the restaurant and Aziraphale couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter at his touch.
"Yes I’m fine, dear. Just a little dizzy from the car ride."
"I’m sorry about that. I freaked you out, didn’t I?" he bit his lip with a worried look on his face and Aziraphale found him irresistible.
He let out a soft chuckle. "No don’t worry about it. I’ll get used to it."
I’ll get used to it. Crowley looked at him with his mouth slightly open forming a sweet smile and with his eyebrows raised.
Aziraphale was planning on getting used to his driving. Aziraphale was planning on spending time with him. Aziraphale was planning on staying in his life. And that made Crowley oh so happy. Now that he had found him he couldn’t imagine not seeing him again. That thought seemed like a nightmare to him. Being with Aziraphale made everything easier…warmer…
They walked into the restaurant and settled into their seats facing each other. It felt like a real date but he didn’t know if Aziraphale saw it that way. He didn’t even know if he was single after all.
Whatever this was though, it made Crowley feel happy like a little child.
"So…You said this is your favorite restaurant. What do you suggest that we should order?"
Aziraphale started listing all the treats he usually ordered but Crowley stopped paying attention for a while. He got lost in his beautiful eyes. They looked so sparkly and alive and…He just wanted to look at them without his stupid glasses on.
He hated taking them off because people would stare too long thinking they were weird. But he trusted Aziraphale and his desire to let his bare eyes be hypnotized by him was too strong to resist. So he slowly reached out to them and took them off; everyone else on the restaurant be damned.
Aziraphale stopped talking looking stunned by Crowley’s sight.
Fuck, it was a mistake.
"Wow…" Aziraphale blurted out and Crowley couldn’t figure if it was out of fear or admiration.
He got really self-conscious and lowered his gaze.
"I’ve never seen eyes in this color before."
"Yeah, that’s my curse." Crowley still remembered the cruel comments his classmates would make when he was young. Kids could be mean and even after all those years, his scars weren’t completely healed.
He lifted his head shyly and looked at him. "They are?"
"Absolutely." Aziraphale smiled softly. "They’re magical."
Crowley never blushed. No one ever made him blush. But right now he could swear that his cheeks were as red as a tomato.
They stayed silent for a moment looking at each other but were soon interrupted by the waiter. Crowley asked Aziraphale to order whatever he thought best for both of them, since he didn’t remember one single dish of those he had recommended; as he was too busy imagining how would those blue eyes react if he dared to touch Aziraphale’s cheek.
Their food arrived not long after they ordered it and Aziraphale got so excited while eating, that Crowley felt his heart smile at the sight.
"So an astronomer, huh? It sounds fascinating."
"It was my dream since I was a kid. I was always intrigued by the stars and the universe. It’s crazy how little we know about something infinite, yet we still try to learn more and more about it."
Aziraphale couldn’t help but smile as Crowley was rambling about his job. It was obvious that he loved what he was doing and Aziraphale knew that feeling very well. It made him happy to know that Crowley was fulfilling his childhood dream.
"You’re very lucky. Not many people do what they love for a living."
"I know. And something tells me you are not one of the many. I can tell that you love books." Crowley offered him one of those stunning smiles of his.
"Oh yes!" his face lit up. "I adore them. They have been my best friend since I can remember myself."
It was true. Books gave him comfort and helped him escape his reality whenever his parents would fight and yell and his sweet soulmate couldn’t be there to help him.
They kept talking and talking and Aziraphale couldn’t say he was surprised by how easily they got along. Crowley was a very interesting man and his views on life made Aziraphale question many things he had so far considered as facts. His company challenged him and made him even more eager to be his friend. And hopefully something more.
They finished their lunch and Crowley insisted to pay. He didn’t leave Aziraphale much room to say no, so in the end he agreed.
"Will you let me drive you back to the bookshop or after this terrifying experience you prefer taking a cab? I promise I’ll be careful." he let out a small laugh at the end of his sentence with a sweet hopeful look on his face.
Oh he looked so innocent while asking him. Aziraphale giggled. "For some reason you’ve earned my trust so I’ll join this ride from hell."
Crowley laughed looking like a kid. "I promise I won’t disappoint."
Their drive back was pleasant as much as it was dangerous; since Crowley’s views on careful driving really differed from Aziraphale’s.
They kept making jokes and poking fun at each other. Aziraphale wished it would never end; hoped that every traffic light they met would be red just so he could steal a moment or two with his new friend.
"Here we are."
"Thank you for giving me a lift." he said with a kind smile.
"Thank you for trusting me." he joked but somehow his tone made it sound serious.
He chuckled and opened the door of the car stepping out of it. Crowley did the same and Aziraphale found it quite sweet of him, since it wasn’t necessary to accompany him.
Crowley rested his hands on the car roof and looked at him with a dreamy smile. Oh how perfect he was. It simply wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair how he took Aziraphale’s breath away. How he made his heart beat so fast. How with a plain smile he could get him forget his own name. Aziraphale was in deep trouble.
"Well, uhm…Goodnight then."
"Goodnight." Crowley replied with a melancholic smile.
Good Lord Aziraphale missed him already, how was that possible?
"Goodnight." a soft whisper came out of Aziraphale’s mouth who was not thinking that he said it again.
Crowley’s smile widened. "Goodnight." he responded playfully.
Aziraphale cleared his throat and put on a very unconvincing serious face. "Goodnight."
He walked towards his bookshop and gave Crowley one last smile before hiding behind his closed door.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
If Aziraphale does have a partner after all, I’m in deep shit.
He didn’t find the courage to ask him during their lunch; it seemed very personal, especially so early into their meeting.
Aziraphale. Oh this man with the blond curls had stolen his mind and heart.
He realized he was still standing out of his car staring at the bookshop like a creep. He quickly got in and drove back to his own place.
As soon as he was at his house, he grabbed his precious astronomy book. Maybe because he had to study for his research. Maybe because he wanted to feel close to Aziraphale. Either way he buried himself in the book.
Thanks to you I made a huge progress on my research tonight. You have to let me buy you lunch again :)
Aziraphale was lying in bed ready to sleep when his phone beeped. Looking at the screen he bit his lips that had shaped a big grin. With shaking hands he replied back.
Only if we don’t go there driving.
He didn’t really mind but he loved teasing him.
I thought you trusted me!!
I did! But on our way back you almost killed two old ladies and a cat.
Crowley responded by sending him the middle finger emoji and Aziraphale couldn’t help but laugh.
Goodnight to you too dear :)
He held the phone to his chest as tight as he could and fell asleep with it in his arms.
His sleep was not so peaceful though. He had a terrible nightmare about his mother. He relived her death and the dream was so vivid he woke up crying. He tried to catch his breath between his sobs. It felt as if she had died all over again.
Crowley was still awake studying when he felt it. This wave of sadness and sorrow that went through his entire body. It was his soulmate.
He closed his eyes trying to focus on connecting with them.
"My sweet angel..."
He pictured that he was holding them close caressing their hair, hoping they could sense it. Only God knew what they were going through tonight.
"It’s alright my love, it’s gonna be okay."
Oh the love and affection he felt for them was infinite.
Aziraphale. Was Aziraphale okay? Crowley’s belief that Aziraphale was the one had become even stronger after tonight and he rushed to his phone to make sure he was alright.
But what should he text him? It was 3am. In the tiny possibility that Aziraphale wasn’t his soulmate, it would seem pretty weird to send "are you ok?" at this hour for no apparent reason.
He had to find an excuse.
He went back to his bed after getting up to drink some water and wash his face. His dear soulmate helped him tonight and Aziraphale could not be more grateful for them. He felt quite better already and sneaked under the covers to get warm and comfortable, so he could write on his journal. Ever since he first felt his soulmate, he wrote down on his journal every single one of their connections. He didn’t want to forget any of them. They were all so special to him.
As he was transferring his thoughts to his journal pages he wondered if it was Crowley who helped him. If that heartwarming embrace he felt was coming from this beautiful redhead’s mind.
Absent-mindedly he reached out to his phone; only to figure out he had a message from him.
All that talk of yours about crepes during lunch got me craving dessert at 3am.
Aziraphale smiled at the screen letting out a big sigh. His night had been terrible so far and this text was somehow so comforting. It was like Crowley knew he needed to think of something lighthearted right now. Did he?
Well now you have to suffer with me.
His mood had shifted completely. All he was thinking now was Crowley.
How come you’re awake at this time?
Aziraphale only knew Crowley for some days but he didn’t feel like lying, even though the reason he was awake was so personal. Crowley…Crowley could be the one who held him tonight. The one who assured him that everything would be okay. He didn’t want to hide.
I was sleeping but I just had an awful nightmare about someone I’ve lost. It felt so real… I need some time before I go back to sleep.
Crowley’s response was immediate.
I’m sorry for this. I hope you feel better now.
Before Aziraphale was able to reply he got another text from him.
I’m awake. We can talk until you feel sleepy again so you can get your mind off of it :)
Aziraphale’s body filled with affection after reading the message. Someone would say that Aziraphale was a stranger to him, yet Crowley wanted to help him. He smiled at his phone screen as if he was seeing Crowley’s golden eyes instead of his text.
That would be great my dear.
Oh Anthony Crowley…You are special aren’t you?
Ok so about the crepes…I’m imagining them filled with chocolate and maybe biscuits too?
Aziraphale giggled and rushed to type his own text back.
Thanks for reading <3
Aziraphale hadn’t replied during the last twenty minutes so he assumed he had finally fallen asleep.
They’d been talking for about an hour and a half about all kinds of things, making stupid jokes and by Aziraphale’s messages, Crowley could tell he had managed to lift his mood.
Just imagining those cute pink lips smiling at Crowley’s texts brought butterflies in his stomach.
After tonight Crowley was surer than ever that Aziraphale was his sweet angel. His beautiful soulmate. Everything fit perfectly.
Crowley was drawn to him from the moment he saw him, they got along as if they had known each other for six thousand years instead of six days and most importantly…Aziraphale had an intense nightmare at the same time Crowley’s soulmate had connected with him. This couldn’t be a coincidence. He had promised he would not get ahead of himself, but all the signs pointed at Aziraphale being his other half. And most importantly, his heart was screaming at him that this lovely bookshop owner would bring his entire world upside down in the best way possible.
He lied down with a soft smile and fell asleep dreaming of blond curls and blue eyes.
Crowley managed to sleep only a couple of hours since he had to get up early for work. He didn’t mind at all though, his entire body was singing this morning.
After getting up and making his coffee he went on with his morning routine and visited the room he had devoted to his plants. He took such good care of them, they were practically shining. He usually wasn’t that kind to them though when it came to words, because he’d heard that talking to plants can help them grow. But today he was in a good mood so he just rambled to them about his new friend.
As he was finishing his coffee, he heard his phone ringing and wondered who would be calling so early. A big grin appeared on his face when he saw Aziraphale’s name on the screen. He lost no time before picking it up.
"Good morning." he smiled softly on the phone.
"Good morning Crowley!" his voice was bubbly and Crowley smiled even more knowing that Aziraphale felt better today. "I hope I didn’t wake you, but you said you’d leave early for work so I figured you’d be up."
"No you didn’t wake me, don’t worry. I’m just having breakfast. How are you today? "
"I’m much better dear. Sorry I didn’t reply last night, I fell asleep." he chuckled.
"Well that was the goal, wasn’t it?" he raised his brow even though Aziraphale couldn’t see him.
He laughed again. "Yes I guess it was…I just…I just wanted to thank you for that. I needed some distraction. Sorry for keeping you up all night."
Crowley closed his eyes trying to focus on the conversation he was having and not on the filthy thoughts that came to his mind when he thought about all the ways he’d love to keep Aziraphale up all night.
"No need to say thank you. It was my pleasure."
"Well…I know you said you’d buy me lunch again for your research, but I think that after last night it’s my turn. Do you think you’ll be able steal some time from work today so we can meet?"
Oh anything for you Aziraphale. "Absolutely. What did you have in mind for lunch?"
"Mmm…What would you say to some crepes?"
Three wonderful months had passed since their first meeting and Crowley and Aziraphale were inseparable.
Crowley would sneak out from work to meet him for lunch and Aziraphale would close the bookshop early to join him for a stroll in the park or a movie at the cinema.
Aziraphale could safely admit that he had fallen deeply in love. In a matter of months Crowley had become his best friend. His companion. He made him smile, he made him laugh, he made him happy.
But he wasn’t sure Crowley felt the same. All their time together, neither of them ever crossed the line nor attempted anything remotely more than friendly. All their movements, all their words were careful and measured; as if they were both afraid that one wrong move would destroy their perfect little friendship.
Aziraphale wondered though if Crowley ever realized how his eyes lingered on him, on his sharp cheekbones, his perfect neck…his beautiful lips. Oh he would die to get a taste of this redhead’s lips. He would die to be able stroke his silky, long, fiery hair while kissing him and maybe after, hide his head on Crowley’s neck; let himself be hypnotized by that intoxicating scent of his, that made Crowley even more tempting than he already was.
The plan for tonight was visiting the park and feeding the ducks. To him every time they arranged to go out felt exactly like it did the first day. He had the same impatience torturing him, the same desire for the time to run faster so he could see his best friend again. Oh and it was still so early in the morning.
Since the bookshop was currently empty, he decided to go through the pages of his precious journal. Every single detail about his soulmate was poured into this notebook and it always made his heart smile and ache at the same time.
Ever since he met Crowley, the person he was describing in those pages had gained a face, a form. Whenever he imagined his soulmate comforting him for the first time all those years ago, he pictured a teenager with red hair and big golden eyes whispering "It’s gonna be okay."
It had to be him. It was him.
Maybe they both needed time to process the fact that they had found each other. Aziraphale would wait as long as it was needed if Crowley was by his side.
His thoughts were interrupted when someone walked in.
He left his journal on his desk and got up to serve the customer. As the man got closer he realized that he was no other than Gabriel.
What was he doing here again? Ever since he’d asked for his help, his visits at the bookshop had become more often. He didn’t trust Gabriel and his intentions at all, but because of the fact that he was the reason he had found the book for Crowley, he always tried to be kind.
"Gabriel. What a pleasant surprise." he put on a smile, begging it to seem genuine.
"I just thought I’d come by to see how you’re doing." he smiled back.
"Oh that’s very kind of you. Would you like some tea?"
"Sure if it’s not too much of a bother." Gabriel walked in further into the shop and made himself comfortable on the couch. Aziraphale didn’t particularly enjoy the way he seemed to move so easily around the bookshop, but he tried to stay nice.
He prepared two cups of tea and served them both, before sitting on his armchair.
His bookshop could be so cozy, especially now that the weather was getting colder. One of his and Crowley’s favorite activities was staying in the night at the bookshop, drinking wine or hot chocolate and talking for hours. Crowley would often ask him to read him one of his books and he’d slowly drift off to sleep. Sometimes he’d even end up laying his head on Aziraphale’s lap and Aziraphale wouldn’t dare to breathe in order not to wake him up.
When he was feeling bold he’d softly run his fingers through his hair and Crowley would smile in his sleep and hum Aziraphale’s name.
To save himself from the embarrassment when Crowley would eventually wake up, he’d go sleep on his own bed before making sure his friend would be warm enough; covering him with a blanket.
In the morning sometimes Crowley would still be asleep but when he had to leave early for work he’d just leave him a note saying good morning with a smiley face. And if Aziraphale had kept every single one of those notes, well nobody would know.
"Aziraphale, are you listening to me?"
It had only been ten minutes into their conversation, but Aziraphale was already wishing he was hanging out with Crowley at the park instead.
"Yes, yes of course!"
Gabriel was so boring to him and having him listing all the first editions he’d managed to get in his own shop since the last time they met, did not make him more likable.
Aziraphale was saved by a phone call that came from a quite new bookshop that wasn’t far from his own. The owner was a young girl and Aziraphale had helped her a lot during her first steps, so whenever she had a problem with business she always consulted him.
This was the perfect excuse for Aziraphale to make Gabriel leave a little earlier.
"Of course I’ll come over dear it’s not trouble at all. I’m closing up the bookshop and I’m coming." He said a little too loud so Gabriel would hear and he ended the call.
"I’m really sorry Gabriel but I have to go. A friend of mine needs some help."
"Is it the same friend you went through all that trouble to get a book for?"
Gabriel’s question irritated Aziraphale so he answered coldly. "No, it’s not him. Now if you don’t mind I need to close the bookshop for a while."
"Oh I don’t mind waiting for you."
"Uhm…This might take a while and you might get bored. Don’t you want-"
Gabriel didn’t let him finish. "Bored? In a place full of books? Don’t worry about me."
Aziraphale took a deep breath trying not to show his irritation. "Alright then. If any customer comes in tell them I’ll be back soon."
Gabriel heard the door closing and started looking around the bookshop. Aziraphale had truly surpassed him when it came to their book collections. At first it annoyed him but after getting in touch with him three months ago, his annoyance had turned into admiration. And maybe something more.
But Aziraphale didn’t seem interested at all. From the little he knew him he could tell that he was probably in love with this stupid friend of his that needed the astronomy book. When he talked about him his eyes would sparkle and Gabriel would burn in jealousy.
He needed to do something to make Aziraphale stay away from him.
He didn’t even know if Aziraphale had a soulmate. Gabriel didn’t.
While he was wandering around the bookshop his eyes fell on a notebook that was sitting on the desk. It seemed like a journal, a diary.
Maybe if Aziraphale had in fact written some of his thoughts there, then Gabriel would know what to do to win his heart.
He memorized where the journal was so he would put it back later in the exact same spot he found it, before lifting it up and opening it.
"You’re such an idiot." Aziraphale chuckled and Crowley pretended to be offended by the statement.
"Why? It was a normal question."
"Of course they have ears Crowley. That’s how they hear other ducks."
They looked at each other for a moment and then burst into laughter together. Crowley stopped for a minute to look at Aziraphale giggling. He looked so cute and happy and he just wanted to take him in his arms and make him sit on his lap. Maybe start tickling him too so he can laugh even more. His cheeks got so red from laughing and it made him only more adorable. He’d love to plant little kisses on each of those cheeks. And how terrible would it be if he missed and one of his kisses ended up on Aziraphale’s lips!
He smiled at the thought and felt himself relax after their laughter.
Sitting on a bench with his best friend after a long, tiring day was Crowley’s personal heaven.
"Oh thank you for cheering me up, darling." Aziraphale told him and he felt so much pride just like he did every time he managed to lift his mood. "Today was such a mess. It felt like Gabriel would never leave the shop."
"What does this guy want anyway? I don’t like him at all." Crowley had never met this Gabriel but he was definitely not a fan of him. His frequent visits that Aziraphale mentioned every now and then, made Crowley turn green. From what he was able to tell from his conversations with Aziraphale, Gabriel was that mysterious man that he had seen that day inside the bookshop. Thank someone he was not Aziraphale’s boyfriend. Just like no one else was. That spot was saved for Crowley when he finally found the courage to make a move.
"You and me both, Crowley. But I have to be nice to him. I…I owe him a favor." Aziraphale admitted.
Crowley frowned. "What favor?"
"Well…The book I got for you...I asked Gabriel to help me find it."
"You what?" Crowley asked with his mouth hanging open.
"You seemed in real need of it, so I called everyone who I thought could help and Gabriel was my last hope."
Crowley blinked and gave him a soft smile. "So you called the one person you dislike the most and asked for his assistance, so you could help someone you’d just met?"
"Erm…Yeah…That’s pretty much the gist of it." Aziraphale had turned his gaze to the ground shyly.
Crowley wanted to kiss him more than he wanted anything else in the world.
"Aziraphale…That’s…You’re…You’re an angel…"
He always called his soulmate angel but right now it came out naturally. Probably because every single cell of his body was entirely convinced that his angel had been Aziraphale the whole time.
A small chuckle escaped Aziraphale’s mouth. "I just wanted to help you. That’s all."
Crowley took off his glasses, turned to his side and Aziraphale mirrored him, staring back into his eyes.
The two of them had such soft expressions and sweet smiles and for a moment everything else seemed to stop.
It wasn’t a rare feeling to him. The feeling of the rest of the world going quiet when they’d get lost in each other.
Sometimes, that’s just what Crowley’s world was around him. It was beautiful. It was peaceful. It was Aziraphale.
"Would you like to walk with me?"
"Sure angel." Crowley breathed out so softly he wondered how Aziraphale heard him.
They were walking side by side when Crowley felt a hand touching his and then hesitantly interlocking their fingers together.
Crowley turned to look at Aziraphale surprised, only to see him smiling at him. He tuned his gaze to his feet again shyly; a smile appearing on his face too.
Crowley thought his heart would explode so he just lifted their tangled hands and gave a sweet loving kiss to Aziraphale’s.
Aziraphale laughed at the kiss and it sounded like music. If only Crowley could perform some kind of a miracle and make their way back to the bookshop last a little longer.
Things will start getting a little angsty but I've promised a happy ending <3
Thanks for reading :)
We got into the angsty parts but I hope you'll enjoy :)
P.S. it had a big storm outside while I was writing this and I got inspired
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
He closed the door and then rested his back on it, letting out a deep sigh with the silliest smile on his face. Aziraphale held his hand. After three months of friendship, one of them found the courage to be bolder. Things would be good now. Everything would start falling into place.
He smiled again. This walk they had from the park to the bookshop felt as if he was walking on a cloud. He was seriously in love with Aziraphale.
He tried to snap himself back into reality and started unbuttoning his shirt while walking towards the bathroom to take a shower.
He hurried through the whole process of getting ready for bed, impatient to talk to Aziraphale again. It was their little habit after the night Aziraphale had a nightmare to text until one of the two would inevitably fall asleep, failing to respond.
It made Crowley happy and kept Aziraphale’s nightmares away.
All ready for bed ;)
What wouldn’t he give to have Aziraphale in his bed right now. He bit his bottom lip at the thought, a new text interrupting his fantasy.
So am I, dear. What a lovely walk we had today!
He laughed softly. It was adorable to see Aziraphale’s texts be so formal.
He turned around to lie on his belly and started typing.
I’m happy you liked it :) And I’m sure the ducks did too with all this food you fed them with
Waiting for his response he took a look at the stars outside his window. He rested his cheek on his palm with a dreamy look on his face.
So many years he’d watch the stars and comfort himself with the thought that his other half was under the same stars too. Now under those same stars he was talking with him. He thanked them for being his companion all those years, for listening to his thoughts and fears and keeping him patient and hopeful that he’d find his angel. He thanked them for letting him study them and lose himself in their magic. And they were almost as magical as Aziraphale.
Before he knew it he had fallen asleep.
Gabriel was back at the bookshop only a day after his last visit and honestly Aziraphale couldn’t say he was surprised by seeing him again. What did surprise him though was the seriousness of his face.
"Gabriel." he smiled politely.
"Aziraphale…We need to talk."
Aziraphale felt really anxious by the tone of his voice. What could he possibly want?
"Is it something serious? You’re worrying me."
"Serious yes… But not something to be worried about."
Gabriel’s smile or words didn’t offer him any comfort.
"Come sit. Let me switch the sign to closed at the door and I’m coming."
Through his mind run a thousand different thoughts. He felt so uncomfortable by this visit. What was so important but not negative apparently?
He sat down on the couch across the one Gabriel was on.
"So…What is it? I’m really curious."
"Aziraphale…I don’t really know how to start. I rehearsed what I wanted to tell you but now I’m at loss for words. This is a big moment for me. For us."
"What are you talking about Gabriel?" Aziraphale couldn’t be more confused.
"Aziraphale…I’ve been thinking it for quite some time now and…And I’m…I…I think you’re my soulmate."
The natural reaction that came to him first was to laugh, but seeing Gabriel’s serious face he thought it’d be better if he kept it serious too. After all this seemed to be a big moment for Gabriel. Poor thing; he seemed to actually believe Aziraphale was his soulmate.
It wasn’t a pleasant position for him but he figured it would be so much harder for Gabriel when he’d realize Aziraphale wasn’t the one. How had he missed that Gabriel had feelings for him?
He needed to be careful so he wouldn’t break his heart. Gabriel was an asshole sure, but no one deserved a heartbreak like that.
"Gabriel…Dear, I’m so sorry but…You’re mistaken. I can’t be your soulmate. I’m not." he tried to sound really kind and he honestly wanted to be.
"No Aziraphale I’m sure."
God this is gonna be harder that I thought.
"Gabriel please…Trust me I know I’m not. How are you so sure yourself?"
"I can feel it…Do you remember the first time you contacted your soulmate?" he asked looking desperate.
"Of course I do. How does anyone forget?"
"You were crying. You were scared and alone…”It’s gonna be ok” I told you. I tried to hug you, to hold you with my mind…"
Aziraphale’s blood froze. He didn’t answer.
"Do you remember the first time you helped me? When my classmates bullied me because of that stupid tattoo I had gotten on my face?"
Aziraphale opened his mouth and let out a cry. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.
"Where is the tattoo?" he managed to only whisper.
"I got it removed. Many years ago. It hurt like hell but I had to. It was a stupid decision I made as a teen. I regretted it not long after I got it."
How had this never occurred to him? Tattoos were permanent until they were not.
"Gabriel this can’t be real." he sobbed.
The moment he had been waiting for, for so many years was happening and it felt nothing like it did in his dreams. He should feel whole, but right now he felt emptier than ever. He should feel happy, but all he felt was desperation. He should be thinking of his soulmate, but all he could think of was Crowley and his gorgeous golden eyes.
Was this a joke that God or universe or whatever power was controlling this was making against him?
How could it not be Crowley? This wasn’t like the other time. No his previous relationship was different. His heart was telling him he wasn’t the one. But with Crowley…With Crowley…He was his with everything that he had, everything that he was.
It had to be him. It was him.
"Of course it’s real Aziraphale. We finally found each other."
Aziraphale wasn’t even trying to control himself. The tears were going down his cheek and he had no intention of stopping them.
Gabriel continued. "I understand this a very emotional moment for you. It was for me too when I realized that you were the one."
He felt sick in his stomach by Gabriel’s words. The one? For Gabriel?
The disgust he felt imagining being Gabriel’s other half did not fit with his loving and tender feelings for his soulmate. A feeling of guilt started to fill his body, covering the sorrow.
How could he think so badly about his soulmate? That person he grew up loving, he grew up missing…
But Gabriel did not feel like this person at all. How could he force himself to feel?
"Time." he finally talked again; his voice breathless and weak. "I need time. To process all this."
"Of course. I totally understand. I’ll give you as much time as you need."
He got up and stepped closer to Aziraphale’s couch. He hesitantly put his hand on his shoulder to comfort him.
"Please don’t…" he said coldly and Gabriel pulled his hand back fast.
How could he be so cruel towards his own soulmate? This didn’t feel right at all.
"Sorry. I’ll go. I’ll wait for you to contact me. Goodbye Aziraphale."
Once he was alone he covered his face with his hands crying all his emotions out.
All this time he figured that once he’d find his soulmate he’d want to be with them all the time, but right now all he wanted was to be alone. And Gabriel leaving gave him as much of a relief as he was able to feel right now.
Nothing made sense.
At this moment it even hurt to breathe.
Aziraphale was acting weird and Crowley had no idea why. They hadn’t met at all in a week. That never happened. They met every day even just for ten minutes.
It seemed to Crowley that he was avoiding him.
What hurt him more was that he didn’t respond to any of his night texts. The ones they’d always send before sleeping. It was their ritual.
Crowley sent him messages every night for seven nights in a row and Aziraphale answered all seven times the next day, simply saying he was tired and slept early.
It broke his heart. This wasn’t Aziraphale. It wasn’t like him at all.
He was always happy to see him or talk to him but now he didn’t even return his calls. He thought of going to the bookshop to surprise him but was afraid he’d make things worse.
And he didn’t even know why Aziraphale was acting this way. The last time they met everything was perfect. He wondered if the reason was that they held hands, but Aziraphale was the one who made the move. Was it because Crowley kissed his hand? But Aziraphale felt to him as if he melted at his touch.
Before they parted that night Aziraphale was looking at him with adoration. Crowley could tell; no one would be able to fake that look. What changed?
He looked out of his window. It was dark but the lightning from the storm outside made his room bright every couple of minutes.
How beautiful it would be if Aziraphale was in his arms right now. If they cuddled together here on the couch, listening to the sound of thunders… And if Aziraphale was scared Crowley would hold him even closer; kiss him so lovingly, all he’d be able to think of would be Crowley’s lips. Or he would just hold him in his arms and lull him to sleep just like Aziraphale had done so many times to him before.
He missed him like crazy.
Big storm tonight. Wish you were here with me.
He got no answer once again.
Tonight he couldn’t be patient. And he wouldn’t. He grabbed his jacket, his keys and closed the door loudly behind him.
I’ve parked outside. If you’re not in my car in 3 minutes I’m breaking the bookshop door to see you.
With a trembling heart Aziraphale let out a painful sigh and made the decision to go see Crowley. It would happen sooner or later anyway. He had to be forward with him. This behavior of his would only hurt them more.
And if Crowley had a soulmate too, he had to be free to find them. And be happy.
He would give everything so Crowley would be happy but the thought of him in love with someone else burned like fire in his chest.
Oh this would be so painful. This week that he hadn't seen him felt like hell. But he knew that if he met him, if he looked into his beautiful eyes he wouldn't be able to keep it together. How would he manage seeing him in pain? Just imagining Crowley's heartbreak when he wasn't responding to his calls or messages was unbearable. And now he had to hurt him in person.
"Be strong." he whispered to himself.
He unlocked the bookshop door and got out in the rain. He saw Crowley’s car and his heart tightened at the sight. Everything would be over soon. He tried to hold back the tears, feeling his heart breaking every step he took towards the car.
He got in unable to look at him; his head bowed and his hands tangled on his lap. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, letting himself feel drunk on Crowley’s cologne that was filling the car. He had missed it.
He felt Crowley’s eyes on him and he wondered how he’d be able to hold himself from falling apart in front of him.
Crowley reached out his hand and placed it on his.
"What’s wrong angel?" his voice was full of worry.
Aziraphale broke at his touch and the sound of his voice. He let out a soft sob making Crowley worry even more. "Talk to me."
He finally found the courage to face him. He looked into his eyes with tearful ones. How could he not be his? How was that possible?
Aziraphale only replied with another tear falling down his cheek.
"Aziraphale…" he whispered cupping his cheek, wiping the tears away.
His touch was burning him so he rushed to grab his hand and remove it from his face. He couldn’t take it.
"Please don’t touch me." he said breathlessly.
He couldn’t find the words to fill the silence. He could only hear their heavy breaths and the sound of the rain pouring on top of the car.
Crowley spoke again.
"What happened? Tell me…Aziraphale please let’s not pretend those last months never happened. You can’t tell me we were just two simple friends. I’ve never touched you but I know we were more than that."
He felt like he was drowning. The oxygen inside the car was suddenly not enough.
"Crowley…" he cried out begging him for something that he didn’t know of himself.
"We spent every day together, we drifted off to sleep while texting each other every night…I fell asleep in your arms more times than I can count Aziraphale, for God’s sake you can’t tell me it was all in my head!"
Crowley was losing his temper and Aziraphale couldn’t blame him. This hurt even more than he had imagined.
He tried to talk but his voice was gone. He had to let go but he simply couldn’t.
Not now. Not him, please. He was begging, praying to every power that could possibly exist to help him. He couldn’t lose him. His Crowley.
Crowley continued since he got no answer. He tried to speak calmly again.
"I know it’s you…You’re my angel Aziraphale, I know you’re the one."
When Crowley finished his sentence Aziraphale heard a terrible sound. He couldn’t tell if it was a big thunder or his heart breaking into a million pieces.
So Crowley did have a soulmate. And he’d made the same mistake with him, thinking he had found his other half in Aziraphale.
My poor love.
He turned to his side and forced himself to look at Crowley again. He needed to end this. But looking into Crowley’s eyes he saw desperation and passion and hunger and love and before he knew it he had fallen into his arms kissing him with everything he had; melting completely in his embrace. His insides were on fire and he didn’t know where to place his hands first. He wanted to feel him, touch him everywhere, unable to get enough of him.
Crowley’s hands were wrapped around him, holding him impossibly close. This felt so good, so right and God Crowley tasted like heaven.
"I’m in love with you, I’m in love with you…" Crowley whispered against his lips and Aziraphale understood how it was possible to feel immeasurable pain and joy at the same time.
He only replied with soft moans letting his tongue explore Crowley’s open and inviting mouth.
Oh he wanted everything. He wanted to be his.
He grabbed Crowley’s shirt pulling him even closer, deepening the kiss, feeling his tears wetting both of their cheeks.
The moment felt like forever but it ended too quickly.
They broke their heated kiss with their lips still touching and their mouths still open sharing some breaths. Crowley lovingly caressed his cheek making him melt even more.
"Do you…Do you want to go to the bookshop? Or at my house…?" Crowley suggested and Aziraphale’s whole body screamed yes. Let’s just run away together, to my house, to your house, the stars…Anywhere that I can make love to you.
His lips had a different opinion though as they simply said "You go too fast for me Crowley." and then went silent.
He opened the door of the car, got out and walked back into his bookshop soaking wet, wondering why he couldn’t feel his heart beating anymore.
Thanks for reading <3
Please don't hate me for this chapter :))))
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Aziraphale let out a heavy sigh as his fingers caressed a note with Crowley’s handwriting. It was the last "good morning" note Crowley had left on his couch. His notes always had a smiley face on them but this last one had a little heart. One of his tears fell on the note and smudged it.
It was just two days after his meeting with Crowley and despite his pain, Aziraphale had already made his decisions. The first thing he needed to do was call Gabriel and ask him to meet him.
And then…Then he would have to face Crowley again; after kissing him, after touching him he had to let go. He feared though that once he saw him again he wouldn’t.
"Aziraphale, I’m so glad you called me." Gabriel looked hopeful.
"Yes, we need to talk."
"May I start first?" Aziraphale asked building up all is strength.
Gabriel didn’t seem to understand his intentions.
"I…I guess my reaction when you told me we’re soulmates was not what you expected...Gabriel I’m gonna be honest with you…" He closed his eyes to breathe deeply. He hated every second of this. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. He had his soulmate standing right in front of him and all he wanted to do was run back to Crowley and finish what they had started in the car.
He continued. "I thought that it was someone else and when you told me it was you…It broke my heart."
Gabriel stayed silent.
"I thought about it a lot Gabriel. My soulmate has been a very important part of my life since the first time we connected. You gave me comfort when I needed it the most. You cared for me, you protected me, you were always by my side when I was scared and alone. And that meant the world to me."
He felt so emotional talking about his soulmate. And somehow even though he had met him, even though he was standing right there in flesh and bones, Aziraphale had gone back into thinking of them as a stranger with no face.
It helped him protect his pure feelings for his soulmate. Because feeling love directly for Gabriel was something he couldn’t just…do.
"I’ll always be there for you too, not just with our connections but whenever you need me. I’ll always do anything I can to help you. But…I can never be with you. I know what you expect from me, but I can’t give it to you. I can be your friend, your brother if you let me. But I will never be something more."
Gabriel looked at him hurt. He still didn’t talk.
"It would be unfair to promise you love when I’m crazy in love with someone else."
He was harsh to him and he knew it. But he was his soulmate and he deserved the absolute truth.
"But…Aziraphale…We’re soulmates. We’re supposed to be together."
"I know how it is supposed to be. But…I love him. I love him with everything I am. I am entirely and completely his. I know in my heart I will never be in love with anyone else but him. I’m sorry if my words hurt you but I had to be honest with you. You’re my soulmate after all, I can tell you everything."
Gabriel covered his face with his hands, trying to calm himself down.
"Aziraphale I get that you’re in love with him now, but give us some time. Give us a chance…I’m your soulmate you’ll fall in love with me."
"I’m sorry Gabriel. I’m really sorry that things turned out to be this way. I wish you had a soulmate who’d want to be with you. But I know that this won’t happen. You might be my soulmate but he is the love of my life."
He wasn’t planning to say that last sentence. He realized he shouldn’t have when he saw the pain in Gabriel’s eyes.
"So now you’re gonna be with him?"
"No. He has a soulmate too. I love him too much not to let him free to find his own…I want him to be happy."
"So you’re planning to doom yourself to be alone forever?"
"It’s the best for all of us."
"No it’s not! You prefer being alone than being with me?"
"If I can’t be with him I can’t be with anyone else. He’s all that I want. All that I am." He figured he probably made it worst by admitting to him how much he loved Crowley but it was the only way to make him understand.
"You’re hurting me Aziraphale…You’re hurting your own soulmate."
"I know…I know and I’m so sorry. But I can’t control what I feel. And I can’t lie to you. This is better than giving you promises I cannot keep."
"I’ll wait for you. It’s all too fresh and you’re not thinking clear. I’ll give you time."
"Gabriel…I…My love for him will never fade. I know it. It only gets stronger. But I told you; I’ll always be here for you."
Gabriel had a blank expression on his face. Aziraphale honestly couldn’t blame him.
"So will I." he mattered and turned to leave.
He couldn’t even call Crowley. Didn’t dare to listen to his voice. Didn’t trust himself enough that he wouldn’t just burst to tears and tell him how much he loved him.
He texted him instead and asked him to meet him at an old bandstand they both loved.
It would be painful to meet in a place in which he had so many beautiful memories with him but…those memories would also give him strength. He knew how much he needed it. This would be worse than their meeting in the Bentley.
He let himself cry. He cried for hours trying to empty his heart. Be drained until there was not one tear left. He had to play a role for Crowley. He had to act as if he wasn’t in love with him. As if he wasn’t dying to feel his lips on his again. As if he wasn’t dying to call him his.
But Crowley had a soulmate. And he had to be free to find them.
He was so mad at himself for not being clear. He let his emotions beat him and ended up kissing him instead of telling him it’s over. And now he had left him hanging.
Oh his stomach was hurting from the agony.
But if Crowley was happy, all the pain Aziraphale was going through would be worth it. He’d give up all his smiles in a heartbeat, just to earn one from Crowley.
Crowley was finally able to breathe again. That rainy night, Aziraphale offered him all he ever wanted and then took it back breaking his heart.
It was alright, Aziraphale needed time and space and Crowley was more than willing to give them to him. Meeting your soulmate could be an overwhelming experience and maybe he wasn’t ready.
But he finally was. Aziraphale texted him to meet him at the bandstand they had many of their little dates at.
They would finally talk, they would finally be together. He would just hold him in his arms and never let him go. How much he loved him…
This day would be special and he wanted to be prepared. Firstly, he went to the room he kept his flowers and gave extra warnings to his roses to be beautiful and perfect. They would be a present for the love of his life and there was no room for flaws or God forbid leaf spots.
Secondly, he bought to Aziraphale his favorite chocolates. He actually bought two boxes because he knew his angel would finish the first in two minutes and then get sad. But no sadness today. Today would be the happiest day of his life.
He left his presents in the car not to freak Aziraphale out before he was able to talk to him. After they’d talk, everything would follow.
When he arrived he saw Aziraphale was already there. This was it.
"Thank you for meeting me here."
"I missed you." Crowley cursed himself on the inside. Too fast. He couldn’t control his emotions.
But why hide?
"Crowley…don’t." Aziraphale did not look like he expected. His expression was too melancholic for a moment like this.
"First of all, I wanted to apologize for kissing you in the car."
"Apologize? That was the most beautiful moment of my life." He didn’t understand.
"Crowley…I’m…I’m so sorry but things are not how you think they are."
"What are you talking about?"
"I think that…that you believe I’m your soulmate. But I’m not."
Crowley couldn’t find any words to reply. He could only feel Aziraphale’s eyes burning his skin.
"We have been really good friends and I appreciate-"
Crowley interrupted him. "Friends? We’re not friends!"
"I told you that the kiss was a mistake."
"It’s not about the fucking kiss! Do many of your friends fall asleep in your arms while you read to them? While you play with their hair? Or do you hold hands with them during romantic strolls in the park?"
Crowley felt his blood boiling.
"I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression…"
"You’re being ridiculous. This isn’t me being mad that my best friend doesn’t love me back. This is me being furious that for some reason you don’t admit that you do."
"I don't!" Aziraphale yelled and they both looked into each other’s eyes; breathless and silent.
Crowley let out a bitter laugh. He moved slowly towards Aziraphale and stopped only some breaths away from him. He spoke with a low voice. "Funny because by the way you kissed me it felt like you were ready to spread your legs for me right there in the car."
"Watch your language with me." Aziraphale raised his voice.
He tried to calm himself with a deep breath. He was misbehaving.
"I’m sorry." he whispered.
Aziraphale was silent with his head bowed.
"Aziraphale…My angel…just tell me what changed. Why you’ve changed so much…"
"I met my soulmate Crowley…And it wasn’t you."
Crowley couldn’t believe what his angel had just said. His mouth was hanging open and he felt a terrible weight on his chest.
"I’m sorry." Aziraphale seemed expressionless.
"There is no way…No…no…" he was shaking his head unable to process it.
"It’s true Crowley. And I’m in love with him."
"But…I…It’s you and I…It’s us…" Crowley was lost.
"There is no you and I, Crowley. Not anymore. It’s over."
Aziraphale’s words were a knife to his heart.
He didn’t speak for a while. Trying to collect his thoughts, his emotions, his pieces.
"So what are you asking me now?" he finally managed to get some words out in a whisper.
"To move on. To let me go. You’ll be happy again Crowley."
"Happy?" he laughed between the tears that were now falling from his eyes. He was exposed, bare in front of Aziraphale. He wasn’t even wearing his glasses because the moment would be too intimate. If only he knew. "What, you want me to be okay? You want me to not be in pain? To just live my life forgetting your scent? Your laugh? Your kiss? You’re asking me not to love you? You’re asking me to be someone else…"
Aziraphale didn’t reply. He seemed to Crowley that he was crying too.
Crowley’s voice broke. "How am I supposed to find my other half in someone else?"
"I really hope they’ll make you happy Crowley." he said softly.
Run away with me. He wanted to scream; to just grab him and get him in his car. They'd leave together...It didn't matter where....They'd be together.
He just gave him a last look. Tried to absorb every detail of his angel. His eyes, his cute nose, his perfect lips…His memory would be his only comfort from now on.
He turned around and left. He thought he heard sobs but didn’t turn back to look. It was probably his own heart mourning.
He got into his car and drove fast not even knowing where.
He stopped at the first bar he met. Before he got out of the car he took the flowers and the chocolates in his arms and threw them away in the trash. There was no one to smell the flowers and smile a sweet "thank you" at him. There was no one to eat those chocolates and make Crowley crave to lick their lips after they’re finished. He had never felt more alone.
I'lL FiX evERythINg I pRoMiSe
It's holidays and we deserve some happiness.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
It was a quiet evening. The only sound he could hear was the rain falling down on his window. Only at moments, he would startle at the loud sounds of thunders.
He would close up the bookshop in half an hour; he didn’t have any customers at this time anyway.
His company tonight was a romantic book and a nice warm cup of tea. Most of his nights, the last couple of months, looked like this. A good book was a great distraction from his own thoughts just like when he was a teen.
He had become pretty isolated from the rest of the world since his last fight with Crowley. He didn’t want to see anyone that wasn’t him; especially Gabriel. He had given him a promise that he’d always be there for him, but as a friend. Gabriel’s constant attempts to get them closer made Aziraphale keep trying to find excuses to avoid him. He could tell it was working, because Gabriel seemed as if he was slowly giving up.
Crowley hadn’t tried to contact with him. He was the one who asked him to let go but the thought that Crowley had forgotten about him pained him more than anything.
Had Crowley found his one? He wanted him to be happy and free. He really did; but his stomach tightened at the picture of Crowley kissing someone else. The selfish part of him wanted those lips just for him, no one else. He wanted those lips on his lips; on his body…He closed his eyes and tried to relax.
He was taking some deep breaths when he heard the bookshop door open. With his eyes still closed he paid attention to the footsteps that sounded too familiar. The scent that filled the air around him broke his heart in two.
He lifted his head and looked at him. He seemed even skinnier to him than he usually was. What had he done to the love of his life?
He wasn’t wearing his glasses and the intense look on his eyes took his breath away.
"Are you alone?" Crowley asked.
Aziraphale couldn’t talk so he simply nodded.
"I’m sorry I came here. I know it’s wrong. I run out of strength tonight." his voice broke.
"How you’ve been doing?" Aziraphale asked softly trying to hold back the tears.
"Bad." he admitted. "I lost my best friend."
Aziraphale gave up on trying not to cry. He felt as if the sky was falling and it made it harder to breathe. He got up and slowly approached Crowley until he stood in front of him. He felt bare. He was exhausted.
"Does he make you happy? Your soulmate?" Crowley lifted his hand and softly touched his cheek. His heart stopped at the touch and his eyes closed. "You don’t look happy my angel." he said as a tear escaped and fell down his face.
He couldn’t lie to him anymore. Not again. Not when he was looking at him like that.
"I’m not with him." he whispered.
"Did he leave you? Is that why you’re sad?"
"No…I was never with him. I lied when I told you I’m in love with him." Aziraphale hated that he had lied to him but telling him the truth now lifted a weight off his shoulders.
"If you believed I love him, you’d let me go. And then you’d be free to find your own other half." He started sobbing, unable to control himself.
Crowley caught his cheeks between both of his hands and got even closer to him. "Aziraphale…Be with me…We’re only made for each other." he pleaded.
"We’re not…That’s the problem."
"I don’t care. I know what I feel."
"Don’t you love your soulmate?" Aziraphale felt so jealous of them. This person was a knife twisting in his heart.
"With all my heart. More than I love myself. But I love you even more, my Aziraphale."
My Aziraphale. Oh how he wanted to be his.
"You say that now. You’ll change your mind once you meet them."
"Like you did when you met your own?" he lifted his brow.
Aziraphale lowered his gaze and felt Crowley coming even closer.
"Look at me in the eyes."
"I’ll always love my soulmate. I’ll always care for them and protect them. But I can’t…I can’t be with anyone else but you. It’s impossible to be more in love with someone than I am with you. I love you. I love you. I love you."
Crowley’s sincerity broke him. He couldn’t fight anymore.
"I love you too Crowley. I love you with my entire heart and soul."
Crowley grabbed him and kissed him so hard his heart stopped.
Aziraphale wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him as close as he could. He wanted to feel him. His world in his arms.
Crowley had his hands still on his cheeks and started moving them towards the wall. He pressed Aziraphale softly on it and broke their kiss. He gave him a hungry look from head to toe.
Aziraphale’s breath was as fast as his heartbeat.
"I want you. Do you want me?" Crowley asked.
"Oh God, yes." he answered breathlessly.
Not even a second later he felt Crowley’s lips on his again. His tongue was inside Aziraphale’s open mouth and then on his jaw and then on his neck…He left him small bites, earning soft moans. Crowley was touching him and it felt like heaven.
"Touch me everywhere. Please. I’m yours." he said between kisses.
They went upstairs to his bed and lied down together.
"I couldn’t breathe away from you. You give me life again Aziraphale."
"Don’t leave me…"
"Never." and Crowley kissed him again, stealing his breath in the most wonderful way.
Aziraphale had never felt this passion and want before. He needed him like air.
They did to each other things that Aziraphale blushed every time he'd imagine them, and the truth was that the his fantasies were not even close to the real feeling.
Filthy words were escaping his lips before he could even think of it.
He just wanted to love Crowley like nobody else ever had. He was perfect.
After they were done Aziraphale crawled in his lover’s arms, letting him hold him close. Now that the intense pleasure was over, his body was filled with peace and bliss.
He looked at Crowley who was already staring at him; smiling.
He smiled back. "Should I feel guilty? Because I just feel-"
"Whole?" Crowley finished his sentence.
"I don’t care what God or the universe say. Right now that I’m holding you in my arms, I feel as if we are one."
"One." Aziraphale kissed him.
He heard the sound of a thunder but he wasn’t scared. He felt safe in Crowley’s arms as he snuggled even closer to him and slowly drifted off to sleep.
Crowley opened his eyes as some soft curls tickled his nose. Aziraphale was curled up in his arms and Crowley brought him even closer, feeling his back on his chest.
It had been more than a month since they got together and his little angel made his mornings a paradise in bed. After being away from each other for so long, they spent all their free time together and slept every night either at Crowley’s house or Aziraphale’s bookshop.
He turned around and Crowley gave him a loving kiss on the forehead before Aziraphale buried his face on his neck.
They were so happy. Even Gabriel had left them alone when Aziraphale told him they were together. Crowley was really satisfied that he wasn’t around to bother them but he could tell Aziraphale felt guilty that he had hurt his soulmate.
Generally, the soulmates topic was still very sensitive to them and Crowley knew it would take time to overcome it. But with Aziraphale by his side, he knew they could do anything. The nightmare he had gone through away from him was over and he was not planning on not fighting for him.
He felt Aziraphale shifting in his arms and two soft lips kissing his chest.
"Good morning, darling."
"Good morning, my little angel."
Aziraphale giggled and hid his face again. He was his angel now. The angel he chose.
"Mmm…" Aziraphale murmured with a smile; tightening his hug.
His leg was on top of Crowley’s and Crowley caressed his beautiful thick thigh.
"Thank God it’s Sunday. I don’t wanna leave this bed. I wanna make love to you all day." he said and kissed Aziraphale’s nose that he so loved.
They started kissing but Crowley broke their kisses early. He looked at Aziraphale concerned.
"Some days I can tell by the way you kiss me that you still have doubts."
He sighed in response. "Most days I don’t. Not anymore. But there are some days that I wake up with fear filling my entire body and I paralyze at the thought that I’ll lose you. I’m so happy with you Crowley, I’m terrified it will go away."
"Do you really believe I’d ever leave you?" he asked while his fingers traced his cheek.
"I’m not afraid that one day you’ll meet your soulmate and then you’ll just…stop loving me or stop caring. I can feel how much you do. I know it. As I also know that you’d never hurt me on purpose. You’re my Crowley…And that’s what I’m afraid of. Not that you’ll suddenly turn into a cold monster that I won’t recognize and ask me to leave. I’m afraid that you’ll still be my Crowley and you’ll look at me in the eyes with love like you do now and tell me that you love me but love someone else more. You’ll still love me but not enough. You won’t be mine and I won’t be your one anymore."
Aziraphale was crying now and it broke his heart. He hated when he saw his love hurt. He tried to reassure him every day, every moment that he would never let him go. And he would keep trying until he believed him.
He hugged him tightly. "You’re the love of my life. You’re my everything. No one will ever be above you. No one. You are my one. My love, my baby, my world, my stars, my life, my angel. Believe me I know what my heart tells me. I’m always honest with you…I’ve told you how much I love my soulmate, but baby if you knew how much I love you, you’d never had a doubt." He gave Aziraphale a deep kiss wiping his tears away. "I can’t be without you. I tried it and it killed me. I won’t do it again. You’re always gonna be mine. And I’m always gonna be yours."
"Don’t break my heart." Aziraphale sobbed as he kissed him.
"Never my angel."
They did stay in bed for a long time just like Crowley wanted but after a while Aziraphale got hungry.
They were both bored and really really tired to cook, so they just ordered some food. Once it arrived they both sat on Crowley’s expensive table and started eating.
Those everyday, simple moments were the moments that Crowley cherished the most. That was what he wanted. A life with Aziraphale.
To just be with him; live with him. And share every good or bad thing life would throw in their way.
"I know you want the last piece of pizza. It’s okay I’m full anyway."
"My hero." Aziraphale laughed and grabbed the last piece.
"So do you wanna go anywhere tonight? We could go watch a movie if you like."
Crowley’s favorite way of spending his free time, apart from making love with Aziraphale, was taking him to little dates. And even though they were always in the same place -so they left together - Crowley would always give him flowers and kiss his hand like a true gentleman. Aziraphale chuckled shyly in response every time but Crowley could tell he loved it.
"Sounds perfect dear." he tried to answer with his mouth full.
He was just so damn perfect and adorable.
Their only problem in their dates was that Aziraphale would yell at him during the whole ride to slow down the car. And Crowley truly couldn’t understand why; he was being careful every time.
He opened his mouth ready to suggest which movie they should watch when a deep rumbling sound stopped him. He looked at Aziraphale and then down at the table only to see it moving. Before he could even react he felt the earth shaking and he rushed to grab Aziraphale and get him under the table.
"Be careful". He heard, but Aziraphale’s mouth wasn’t moving.
He reached Aziraphale and they both got under the table as the earth was still moving. They were holding each other close and despite the rush Crowley could tell he was connecting with his soulmate. He had felt an arm around him before he even held Aziraphale.
Their connection had never felt this intense before.
He turned to look at Aziraphale who was already looking at him with wide eyes.
"Oh my God."
I told you I'd fix ittttttt!! I really hope you enjoyed <3
Thank you for reading and Happy Holidays if you celebrate!!
The earth had stopped shaking but Aziraphale still felt his head spinning. The two of them silently got up from under the table and stood in front of each other; their hands still tangled. They stared into each other’s eyes until Aziraphale finally managed to collect his thoughts and speak.
"Crowley…I really hope I’m not losing my mind but I could swear we just-"
"As soon as the earthquake began I wanted to hold you. To wrap-"
"I felt it. An arm around me. A voice telling me to stay safe…"
Aziraphale’s eyes filled with tears. "How? How did it happen? Is it because we decided to be together despite of our soulmates?"
Crowley wrapped his arms around Aziraphale’s waist. "I don’t think that’s how it works my angel. And although our connection was definitely more intense than all the others I’ve had, it wasn’t different. Was it for you?"
He shook his head negatively with tears falling down his cheeks. Crowley caught some with his thumb.
"So does this mean it’s been us the whole time? You and me?" Aziraphale asked in desperation for a positive answer.
Crowley replied with a deep kiss instead of words.
He let himself get lost in the pleasure of the kiss for some moments. Nothing made sense, but right now all he needed was Crowley’s mouth on his.
"You and me, Aziraphale. Of course it’s you and me." he said breathless against his lips.
"But…What about Gabriel? We’ve talked about our connections…I don’t understand."
"Me neither." He cupped Aziraphale’s cheeks and spoke with a tender voice. "Let’s just talk and we’ll figure it out together, okay sweetheart? I love you."
Crowley always managed to calm him down.
"Okay. I love you too."
They sat together on the couch holding hands. Crowley’s reassuring touch gave him all the comfort he needed at the moment.
"Okay. Let’s start by stating that nothing makes sense."
"That’s a great observation." Aziraphale chuckled softly.
"So…You’ve talked with Gabriel about your connections. There is no way that-I don’t know- you could be mistaken? Maybe because of some coincidences?"
"No…They couldn’t be coincidences. It was all so specific. Trust me I was really skeptical when he talked to me about it. But he knew too many details."
"What was your first connection with your soulmate?" Crowley asked caressing Aziraphale’s hand with his fingers.
"I was just fourteen. It was during one of my parent’s big fights. I was crying in my room when I felt it. Comfort, warmness…"
He could feel Crowley’s hand shaking. His eyes were watery.
"My love…" Aziraphale whispered. It’s him. Of course it’s him.
"The second time I was the one who helped them. A face tattoo was their cause of trouble and my only information about them. Two years later we had a new connection and I helped them again. They were nervous; hesitant about doing something and I encouraged them."
"My college letter." Crowley let out a cry of relief and realization.
Aziraphale’s voice was trembling from emotion. "Then I lost my mother. The first time our connections were so frequent...You were with me almost all the time."
Crowley brought their lips together again. Aziraphale could taste their salty tears.
It was him.
He thought he couldn’t love Crowley more than he already did but he was wrong. At this moment Crowley was the only one that mattered in the whole universe.
He tried to say "I love you more than you can ever imagine" with the way he kissed him. He thought that he understood it since Crowley kissed him back as if he was saying "Me too".
They broke their kiss resting their foreheads together.
"It’s you." they said in sync.
After a moment of silence Crowley spoke again.
"So that asshole obviously lied to you. How did he know all that? Did you tell him at some point and forgot about it?"
"No. No one else knew. I’ve never talked about our connections to anyone. They were too precious to me; too personal. I only wrote about them in my journal so-" he froze. "Oh my God!"
"What is it?"
"The day before Gabriel talked to me about it, he was at my bookshop. Remember when I was whining that he wouldn’t leave that day? He was alone in the shop for quite some time. My journal was there too. He must have read it. God I’m so stupid for not thinking it earlier. It’s so obvious!"
Everything made sense now.
"I’m gonna kill him." Crowley hissed and got up from the couch. "He tried to ruin our happiness, he made you miserable. He is gonna be sorry he was ever born."
Aziraphale got up and placed his hand on his shoulder to relax him. He understood how Crowley felt but if he was honest…His relief that Crowley was his other half- like it always felt he was- was so big that he couldn’t feel anger. He didn’t care about Gabriel. All that existed was Crowley. This stunning, angry mess that was standing in front of him; cursing Gabriel.
Crowley turned to look at him.
"Forget about him. He’s stolen enough moments from us. I’ll meet him and clear everything out. But for now Crowley please kiss me."
Crowley grabbed his hand and pulled him so close their chests were touching. In moments like those he could steal Aziraphale’s breath away; no kiss needed.
"What do you want?" he whispered staring at his lips.
"I want to make love with my soulmate." Aziraphale replied in whispers too.
Crowley run his fingers through Aziraphale’s soft hair, making him shiver at his touch. His hand left his hair and rested on his neck while the other was still holding his arm.
With a painfully slow movement he finally kissed him again. Aziraphale opened up his mouth to him, completely surrendering to the feeling. "Let’s go inside." he said.
It felt like it was their first time all over again. Two bodies like one; two souls like one.
They spent the rest of the day and the entire night talking about their connections. They gave each other every little detail about those moments they had been dying to know.
They cried and laughed and then cried again sharing their stories. They fell asleep in each other’s arms while happy tears dried on their cheeks.
Is there any way to convince you to let me come over and kick his ass?
He laughed at the screen of his phone. It was the next day and Aziraphale was back at the bookshop. He asked Gabriel to meet him and by the tone of his voice on the phone, he guessed he had probably figured out what Aziraphale wanted to talk about.
No there isn’t. I’m not sending my boyfriend to jail today.
He could picture perfectly how things would end up if Crowley and Gabriel were in the same room. And in every scenario Gabriel ended up in the hospital and Crowley in prison.
You little bastard
He was ready to type back his reply when the tall dark haired man walked in. He didn’t talk. It seemed like he was silently admitting his guilt.
"You should feel grateful that Crowley is not here because you wouldn’t leave the shop alive." he said coldly.
"I’m assuming…You figured out the truth."
"Of course I did! What did you expect? Didn’t you think that sooner or later I would connect with him again and realize you were lying?" Aziraphale was losing his patience.
"I thought I could make you fall in love with me. And when you’d find out the truth you wouldn’t care who your soulmate is. You’d wanna be with me anyway. Finding this journal of yours was my perfect chance to win you."
Aziraphale didn’t reply so Gabriel continued.
"Your reaction when I talked to you broke my heart, but I still wanted to fight. For you. I knew you were in love with your precious Crowley but I still thought that things could change if you believed I was your soulmate…But you didn’t give me any chance to even try. And when you told me you got together with Crowley anyway, I just stood back and waited for the inevitable."
"You’re sick. You saw that I was suffering away from him but you did it anyway." he said giving him a look of disgust.
"For what it’s worth I’m sorry. Even though I know you’d never forgive me."
"You’re right. I don’t wanna see you ever again. Don’t even think to appear in my way. Or Crowley’s." Gabriel turned around to leave but he paused when Aziraphale spoke again. "You know…I would forgive you if you had just hurt me…But I hurt him because of you and this is something I’ll never forget."
Gabriel bowed his head and exited the bookshop not saying another word.
Aziraphale felt really uneasy after this conversation but it needed to be done. What he craved right now was to run into Crowley’s arms and bury his face in the crook of his neck. Let his lovely scent relax him. Good thing they had already planned a date for dinner right after work.
The door of the Bentley opened and his angel got in with a big grin. Before Crowley was able to say hello, Aziraphale grabbed his tie and crushed their lips together. Crowley didn’t fight it because why would he; and let Aziraphale kiss him passionately.
"What was that for?" he asked with a seductive smile.
"I just missed you." he answered innocently.
"Was my baby miserable away from me?" Crowley teased him with a smug face.
Aziraphale nodded with an expression that was screaming at him to kiss him again and of course Crowley did exactly that. They couldn’t get enough of each other and he honestly didn’t believe they ever would.
They broke their kisses and Crowley’s face became serious. "What happened with Gabriel?"
"He apologized. I asked him to never bother us again. I don’t believe he will."
"Good. Because if I ever see him again I will break his face."
"Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that." He kissed his cheek and Crowley started the car.
"The prick." he cursed after some moments of quiet.
"Crowley…Can we stop talking about him now? He’s hurt us enough." Aziraphale complained.
"I’m sorry angel. I know you wanna leave this behind and so do I but…I just can’t forget that broken look on your face when you told me you didn’t love me. The way my heart shuttered when you said you loved him."
He heard Aziraphale’s soft sobs from the next seat and regretted immediately what he said.
He placed his hand on Aziraphale’s thigh to comfort him. "I’m sorry I said that. We should just let it go. I’m so sorry my angel I didn’t mean to make you cry."
"I hurt you." he said with a quivering voice. "My sweet Crowley…And you were so patient with me, so loving…"
"You did it out of love angel. You thought I would be happy. It was the most selfless act of love. It’s what you thought was right. Please don’t apologize for trying to protect me."
He grabbed his hand and brought it to his lips, kissing his palm. "I love you."
"I love you too Crowley." he smiled at him softly and wiped his tears away.
It was almost midnight but Crowley was still in the office room of his house, studying for his research.
"Are you coming to sleep, my dear?" he felt two hands resting on his shoulders and two lips kissing his neck. He turned around to look at Aziraphale, placing one of his hands on his.
"Just give me half an hour angel and I’ll be right there in your arms." He lifted the hand he was holding and kissed every one of his knuckles.
Aziraphale smiled at him sweetly. "Do you mind if I wait here?"
"Of course not, sweetheart. Why would you even ask?"
"Great! I’ll go bring the book I’m reading and join you." His innocent excitement and bright smile made Crowley’s heart flutter.
He came back with a book in his hands and sat down opposite Crowley.
He started reading with his glasses on. Crowley always thought they made him look even more handsome.
He tried to concentrate on his work but every couple of minutes something inside him tingled him to lift his gaze and steal quick glances at his boyfriend.
When he wasn’t the one looking he could feel Aziraphale’s eyes linger on him. Every time he caught him looking, Aziraphale lowered his eyes pretending he was reading his book. He probably didn’t know that Crowley noticed he hadn’t turned a page of his book once.
After a while they both were just staring at each other silently. Crowley couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have Aziraphale in his life. He was his soulmate, his best friend, the love of his life…His sweet angel he’d do anything for. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt him or break them apart again like Gabriel did.
"You’re not working." Aziraphale broke the silence with a lovesick smile.
"You’re not reading." he responded wearing the same smile on his face.
"Someone is distracting me."
"You’re the one to talk. Oh Crowley would you mind if I sit here and read my book looking all sexy and cute?" he tried to imitate Aziraphale.
"Shut up." he giggled.
He loved when he made Aziraphale laugh.
"I’m so happy with you." Crowley stated; not even thinking.
"I’m happy too, my love. More than I’ve ever been." he looked emotional.
He reached out his hand and Aziraphale held it from across his desk. They didn’t need to speak. They just smiled at each other and communicated every emotion or thought. They were soulmates after all.
Crowley stood up and made Aziraphale stand too. He kissed his forehead and looked into his eyes.
"You know for an angel you’re very tempting. Maybe I should call you my little demon instead."
"No. Never stop calling me your angel." he frowned.
Crowley chuckled at his sight. "I would never do that. You’ll always be my angel."
"Your angel." Aziraphale kissed him and led them to bed.
Sorry for all the sappy stuff in the end xD
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!
Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays if you celebrate and I wish you all to be happy, healthy (and figure your shit out cause that's what I struggle with the most) <3
Happy New Year!!!
I hope you'll like it <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
"You should come more often for tea, dear. You know I always enjoy your company." Aziraphale offered to the young woman a bright smile. They would meet occasionally when she needed his advice for her own bookshop business and Aziraphale was quite fond of her.
"I know I know. And I feel bad because we only meet when I need your help."
He laughed softly. "Don’t worry about it. You know I’m always happy to help. Especially when it comes to books."
"You’re so kind."
She took a sip of her tea when the sound of the bookshop door opening made her lift her head.
She turned back to Aziraphale and winked. "Hottie alert."
Aziraphale looked at the man that was walking in and chuckled.
"Come on. Your new customer needs some assistance." she whispered giving him a meaningful look.
With a wide smile Aziraphale got up and approached him. He wrapped his hands around his neck and gave him a sweet kiss.
"Hello, my angel."
"Hello, my love."
He turned to look at his friend with his one arm resting around Crowley’s waist and the other on Crowley’s belly. "Let me introduce you to my friend Anathema. Anathema, this is my husband Crowley."
"Oh." she said with a surprised face. "Oh my God. Right. Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too." Crowley responded politely shaking her hand.
She looked at Aziraphale again with an expression that screamed Good job.
"Well…I should leave you two lovebirds alone. I have plenty of work waiting for me back at my bookshop."
"Are you sure you don’t wanna stay for lunch?"
"I can’t today my dear. But I’ll call you to make plans soon!"
"Nice to meet you Crowley!"
Aziraphale walked her to the door and returned back into the bookshop, only to find his husband seated on his chair with his endless legs crossed on top of the desk. A grin full of mystery had settled on Crowley’s face and Aziraphale could tell that he had some news to share.
He slowly approached him wearing a teasing expression, biting his bottom lip.
"Crowley!" he yelled at him after some moments of silence.
"What?!" he giggled.
Aziraphale softened seeing Crowley so happy. He couldn’t help but smile whenever he heard his laugh.
"Will you tell me what’s going on?" he asked softly.
He got up and stood in front of Aziraphale, grabbing both of his hands.
"Okay…I was going to tease you a little more but I can’t help it."
"Oh my God Crowley, will you tell me already?"
"I am nominated for an astronomy award!"
"What?" Aziraphale slipped one of his hands out of Crowley’s and brought it to his mouth that was hanging open.
Crowley didn’t respond with words. He just stared at Aziraphale with eyes that looked even brighter than usual and pulled him into a big hug.
Aziraphale rested his head on his shoulders and let out a happy sigh.
"My love! I am so proud of you. You deserve it, sweetheart."
Crowley planted a sweet kiss on his hair. "Thank you, angel. I knew you’d be happy."
He lifted his head to look at him. "I’m even happier than you are if that’s possible."
Crowley cupped his blushed from happiness cheeks and leaned in to kiss him. Aziraphale closed his eyes and let himself taste his husband. Crowley’s lips moved to his cheeks and then down to his jaw as his fingers traced random patterns on his neck.
His head fall back to leave more room for Crowley to kiss his neck and his hands hid in his long red hair; pulling them softly.
"Ah…We should…We should go celebrate." Aziraphale suggested while Crowley’s tongue, that was leaving tiny licks behind his ear, made it difficult for him to concentrate.
"Mmm…Let me tempt you to a spot of lunch?"
"Temptation accomplished!" he wiggled in Crowley’s embrace with a charming smile.
Crowley kissed his lips again and took his hand in his, interlocking their fingers.
"What about the Ritz? It’s a special occasion today!" Aziraphale asked, closing the bookshop door.
"To the stars?"
"To the world." Crowley raised his glass of champagne.
"To the world."
The sound of the two glasses hitting together was followed by two big lovesick smiles.
Crowley lowered his gaze but could still feel Aziraphale’s eyes on him. How far had they come.
His life was complete with the love of his life by his side. With his angel next to him every step he would take.
He turned his head to look back on his husband who was describing to him what they should wear on the ceremony. His hand was resting on the table and Crowley placed his own on top of it.
I love you
"And no matter what you say tartan is stylish –"
"I love you."
Aziraphale fell silent for a moment shifting his hand to hold Crowley’s tighter.
"I love you too, dear. So incredibly much."
They giggled and shared a quick kiss.
"You know what I was thinking?"
Aziraphale shook his head in question.
"Since I have invitations for the awards, you should ask that book girl to come."
"Yes. I have a friend from work that I think she should meet."
Aziraphale chuckled. "Do you mean Newt?"
"How did you know?" he laughed back with wide eyes.
"It crossed my mind too that these two could have something."
"Mmm…Great minds think alike." Crowley said with a smug face kissing Aziraphale’s palm.
"What inspired this god of love act?"
"Maybe I’m just so in love I want everyone to feel that way."
"You are?" he questioned with a seductive tone of voice, which made him even more enticing.
"So fucking much." Crowley replied with hungry eyes.
Aziraphale usually fell asleep right after sex, due to the exhaustion and relaxation that filled his entire body, but tonight he stayed awake since the mystery book he had started reading this morning was too good not to finish it tonight.
He was murmuring the words softly as he read them while his fingers played with Crowley’s hair.
Crowley was lying on top of him; his head was resting on his chest and his hands and legs were wrapped around him as if he was a snake.
Aziraphale noticed his breath slowing down so he figured he was already drifting off to sleep.
He remembered all those times Crowley had fallen asleep while he was reading to him before they got together and how he was aching to touch him. But now…This beautiful creature was his husband; nothing forbidden that he couldn’t reach. He could wrap his arms around him and bring him closer. He could caress his soft cheek and kiss his long read hair that always smelled like heaven. He could cuddle him and let himself dream too in the arms of the man he loved.
"I love you." he heard although Crowley hadn’t spoken a word.
"I love you." he answered to him with no need to move his lips.
And they lived happily ever afteeeeerrr :)
Idk anything about astronomy so let's just all assume that Crowley got the most important award because he is baby and deserves it.
Thank you very much to everyone who read this fic and everyone who left kudos and comments, you all make my day!