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(우리 얘길 새로 써) From Zero

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It was still several hours until dawn, and their flight was tomorrow at 1 pm, but Hoseok couldn’t stop pacing their dorm like a crazy person. All the members heard him walking restlessly back and forth between his bed and his desk.
“Hoseok hyung could you please for the love of god stop stomping around causing the whole dorm to wobble?” Kihyun yelled from their shared living room. “I am trying to go on V Live, but it’s impossible with you making all that noise in the background.”
Hoseok stopped right in his tracks, next to the bed. He was so nervous. He hated heights, he was terrified actually. And even if he wouldn’t be able to see the ground when they were in the plane, just the knowledge of the many, many meters down to the ground made his legs feel like jelly.
He sat down quietly on his bed. He knew he was terrified of the flight, but he also knew deep down that wasn’t the whole truth to why he was unable to collect himself properly.
The label had an idea to send him and Hyungwon to Paris to shoot a video for the instrumental of his song From Zero. They thought it would be a cute idea since Monbebe loved the two of them together, the ship Hyungwonho being one of the most popular amongst the fans. And absolutely, it was a really good idea.
The problem was that nobody knew how many suggestive glances the two of them had exchanged during their time together in Monsta X. And they were strictly forbidden to date people, no girls nor boys nor each other. Which made their little secret so much more important to keep between the two of them only.
But the trip meant private time in a shared hotel room without any cameras when the shooting was done. And Hoseok felt butterflies all over the place when he thought about what they would be able to do then. They had never actually done anything. Behaving properly, only keeping the spark with gazes, playful bantering, gentle hugs, nudging their hands and smiling shyly.
They had never even spoken about it. It was almost impossible to get one on one time together. The group was always out and about and when they weren’t they had a shared dorm room with Hyunwoo.
But since they never had the chance to discuss this little fling, Hoseok was worried out of his mind that he might had read the whole situation wrong. What if he saw something that wasn’t there? They really needed to talk about this, otherwise he would for sure go insane.
He lied down on his bed, his mind running wild with thousands of possible scenarios. All of them ending with Hoseok being alone or rejected. He couldn’t breathe properly, he was so nervous. Curling into a ball, he tried forcing his thoughts to be kinder so that he could take a nap, but without any success.
Frustrated he stood up, putting his shoes on and grabbing his gym bag before storming out of his room.
“Wonho! Monbebe wonders if you are excited for the trip?” Kihyun smiled. Hoseok nodded harshly and managed a crooked smile as he rushed past the livestream without a word. Kihyun looked after him with a puzzled face when he smashed the front door and left the dorm.

~

Hyungwon entered their shared space just in time to see Hoseok’s back exit the front door. He opened his mouth to say something, but was left silent. Slowly closing his lips again, looking hella dumb, he met Kihyun’s eyes.
“What the fuck was that?” he mouthed while covering the cam.
Hyungwon shrugged his shoulders. How was he supposed to know?
“I have no idea. He wanted to work out I guess?”
“No, not that. I understood he was going to the gym. I was talking about the attitude. Did you see that?”
Hyungwon nodded towards the laptop with a meaningful look. This was private and there was no need to livestream it. Kihyun got the hint, turned to the screen and said his short but loving goodbyes to Monbebe. Then he shut the laptop and put it on the table beside him.
“What attitude? I got here the second he left.” Hyungwon asked.
“I asked him if he was excited for the trip since Monbebe wondered. And he like… nodded with a weird smile and rushed past us. It was not like him at all.” Kihyun sounded worried.
The second the older member mentioned the trip, Hyungwon smiled. The trip. He was so excited. Him and Hoseok together. Only them. What a dream.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Oh, nothing…” Hyungwon said, embarrassed over being caught. “But um… regarding Hoseok hyung. I just think he is nervous. You know he hates heights and flying.”
Kihyun nodded slowly, not looking convinced at all.
"Yeah… suresure." he mumbled. "Aaaanyways I am going to take a shower. See ya!"
And with that said, Hyungwon was alone in the big room. His mind was blank and he stared into the distance while letting the time pass by.
Slowly his thoughts went to the darker side, the side filled with longing lust and excitement for what's to come. Him and Hoseok. Their own hotel room, a big bed, two full days of vacay in the most romantic city on the planet. He felt a tingle down his spine as he imagined Hoseok’s strong hands slowly caressing his neck. The absolute closeness they would be able to experience. His own hands running down the older ones arms, only to find their hands entwining passionately. How he would sneak his hand closer to Hoseok’s thighs, taunting the fabric of his jeans with his fingertips. Gently scratching only to hear the older suck in a breath and...
"Helloooo? Zombie? Jooheon calling for Hyungwon?"
Confused he snapped out of his daydreaming. 
"Whaaa?" Hyungwon slurred. 
"Wow you were even more zoned out than usual!" Jooheon laughed and gave Hyungwon a friendly shoulder dunk. "I just came to ask if you wanted to grab a bite for lunch? Kihyun said that he was planning on cooking but he is still in the shower and I'm hungry as fuuuck."
Hyungwon nodded slowly, his mind still clouded with dreams. How long have he been standing here? A quick glance at the watch on the wall told him that Hoseok left about twenty minutes ago. How the hell did twenty minutes pass so fast? 
"Yeah absolutely. What do you wanna eat?" 
"I was thinking something hella swaggy, but I couldn't decide. Let's just go outside and see what we are feeling?"
He nudged Hyungwon in the direction of the front door, urging him to put his shoes on and go. Hyungwon bent down and put on his Converse with little to no speed at all. Jooheon bounced next to him, clearly ready to explode.
The second the older was done with his shoes, and straightened up again to finally leave, his eyes met a pair of other dark brown eyes. Hoseok’s eyes. They were literally nose to nose and before Hyungwon had the chance to react, the older flushed scarlet and quickly turned away, almost running towards his room. Hyungwon let his gaze follow his fellow member, with his lips slightly parted. 
He turned around again, and the look he was receiving from Jooheon made him quickly regain consciousness. Shrugging his shoulders like he was just woken up from a trance, and fixing his hair a bit. Acting like nothing happened, he opened the door and gestured to Jooheon to lead the way. The rapper quietly passed him, looking like his mind was completely blank.
Shit, had Hyungwon fucked up real bad?

~

"Wow you really just did that you stupid ass." Hoseok said to himself in the mirror in his room. "That wasn't obvious at all. No you were so smooth wow." 
He felt so embarrassed that one of the members witnessed that awkward moment between him and Hyungwon. It wouldn't have been awkward had they been alone but the presence of another person made Hoseok so nervous he had no idea how to act.
Trying to get his mind off that embarrassment he started packing, slowly to spend as much time as possible not thinking. He would have the whole night for that, since he would be unable to sleep due to the nervousness of the whole trip. Scattering his various shirts on his bed, he tried choosing which ones to bring. For the video he wanted some casual boyfriend-looks, but were they doing anything fancy while there? Should he pack some stylish clothing? A blazer? He didn’t want to dress up and sashay around town on their spare time.
He decided on a pair of blue jeans with no distress, and to go with those… maybe the blue, slightly oversized sweater? Yes. That will be a perfect casual look. Maybe a pair of glasses as an accessory?
“What are you up to, hyung?”
Hoseok jumped at the sudden intrusion, quickly spinning around to where the voice was coming from. Minhyuk’s puppy eyes and bright smile was peeking in through the door, his whole face sparkling with excitement.
“Uh… I was just…” Hoseok gestured over the bed lazily. “Packing. For the trip.”
“Oh, I see. That looks nice!” Minhyuk eyed the outfit Hoseok already put together at the foot of the bed.
“Yeah, but I should have at least one more outfit for the video since we are filming two separate days. Care to help?”
Minhyuk jumped inside the room, like he had been waiting for the question.
“For sure!”
Minhyuk loved styling outfits, especially casual ones. Hoseok was better at designing stage looks, he loved brainstorming concepts and sketching down ideas and color schemes. But the whole down dressed aesthetic was without a doubt Minhyuk’s forté, the group’s sunshine always looking undeniably boyfriend-y whenever off stage.
He immediately started roaming around Hoseok’s closet, throwing out several different pieces that he liked right onto the floor. Hoseok sat down on his bed with a sigh, waiting for his dongsaeng to find the perfect fit.
After a few more minutes of Minhyuk scanning all of Hoseok’s clothes and most of his outfits now being on the horizontal wardrobe, the younger one stopped with a little shriek.
“Ah!! This is precious. So so cuuute. It will go perfect with the jeans I picked.” Minhyuk grinned and turned around holding a gray cardigan in his hands. It was a bit oversized, with some kind of button-like closure. The edges of both of the arms aswell as the bottom hem were trashed, giving the garment an overall feeling of being well loved even straight off the rack.
“Won’t I look cheap? What if people won’t understand that it is supposed to look a bit worn?”
“Then they simply have no sense of fashion at all.” Minhyuk scoffed, ending the discussion. This was the cardigan, no further questions. “A white, simple shirt will do just fine. We need the cardigan to be the unique part of this look.” Minhyuk concluded while folding everything and putting the complete outfit in the same pile as the clothes Hoseok already chose.
Happy with his accomplishment he turned to Hoseok.
“Do you wanna grab a bite? You must be starving! I know just the fix.” the sunshine said, grabbing Hoseok’s hand before the older could answer and led him to the front door.

~

Dragging himself towards his bedroom after having one way too big lunch was painful to say the least. Not that it hadn’t been painful walking all the way from the restaurant, more like the opposite. But now that he was so close to his bed, it felt like his stomach hurt more and more for every step he took.
With a loud groan Hyungwon threw himself on his bed, landing face first on his soft pillow. Then he curled up into a little ball with his long limbs, facing the rest of the room. It was a mess. Why were all Hoseok’s clothes on the floor? Had he been packing? He must have really put time into finding some great outfits by the looks of it. Hyungwon smiled, amused that his hyung really put an effort into looking good for their music video.
After laying down for a while, letting his intestines rest, he decided to get up and pack some looks too. He wanted them to look good together, and he didn’t wanna outdress Hoseok, so naturally he walked towards the foot of his friend’s bed, assuming the neatly folded pile was outfits Hoseok chose to bring.
He held up a pair of black jeans with a slight ripped effect, picturing them on Hoseok’s fit body. They would look so good on his toned thighs, showing off his ass without compromising anything.
Underneath the jeans was a plain white shirt, not very special or outstanding. He put the shirt to the side and a gray cardigan showed itself. It looked so soft and Hyungwon picked it up without thinking and put it to his face. Taking a deep breath, the soft fabric tickling his lips and nose, he felt so safe and light. The perfume Hoseok always used was barely noticable for a random person. But for Hyungwon, who was deliberately looking for that exact smell, it felt like getting kicked in the guts with cotton candy and butterflies. It was so prominent, overwhelming him and forcing him to sit down for a bit to not topple over.
It felt like home, sweet and fresh and comforting, and he had no idea how long he just sat on the floor with his eyes closed, sniffing the cardigan softly.

~

Hoseok stood in the doorway to the bedroom, frozen in place and unable to move a limb. There he was, on the floor, looking as angelic as ever. With Hoseok’s cardigan shoved in his face, his back towards the door, breathing heavily into the fabric. He looked so calm, and Hoseok didn’t have the heart to disturb his friend in the middle of this intimate moment that he was witnessing without the younger realizing. He felt somewhat guilty for voyeuring but at the same time he couldn’t bring himself to announce his arrival.
But he could count on Minhyuk to loudly exclaim that the two of them made it to the dorm.
“Hoseok hyung, why are you standing in the doorway? Shouldn’t you g…” he said and trailed off as he got closer and saw Hyungwon’s face flushed crimson with shame from where he stood behind Hoseok. “...o and finish your packing...” he whispered in Hoseok’s ear.

~

The silence made Hyungwon’s ears ring. How could he have missed that his friends came back? Was he that far gone in his trance?
"I will leave you to… do what you need to do…" Minhyuk giggled and left quickly.
Hyungwon got up on his feet, his hand resting on his forehead as it always did when he felt embarrassed. He couldn’t dare to look at Hoseok.
"I… I'm… uh… I’m sorry." he mumbled while folding the cardigan and putting it back before rushing to his own bed, pretending to be busy. He fumbled with some shirts he had put on his covers as he tried to slow his breathing when a couple of hands found their way around his waist. He froze in his tracks when he felt Hoseok’s chin rest on his shoulder, his hair tickling Hyungwon’s ear.
"Did you like the cardigan?" Hoseok whispered softly, his warm breath caressing Hyungwon’s cheek. His heart was racing, his mind blank. Letting out a shaky breath, he slowly nodded. When did it become so hot in here?
Hoseok disappeared as fast as he had shown up, leaving Hyungwon feeling lost, cold and vulnerable. He had never been held so sweetly by someone. So innocent yet it made his intestines twirl in a familiar way that for sure was anything but innocent.

~

After splashing his face multiple times to calm down, Hoseok stared at his reflection, shaking uncontrollably. Water droplets trickled down his face and fell from his chin.
Was he insane? What had he done? He felt disgusted with himself for forcing himself onto the younger. The way Hyungwon had stiffened when he touched him, it made his heart shatter. He was sure now that Hyungwon did not want them to get that close. But the way he had been sitting on the floor with his face buried in Hoseok’s cardigan like his life depended on it… Hoseok was so sure that the younger felt something more than friendship. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been doing that? Had he? Hoseok grabbed his phone and opened up his conversation with Hyungwon.

~(I AM TRYING TO UPLOAD THE PICTURE OF THEIR CONVERSATION HERE BUT IM STRUGGLING SO PLEASE BE PATIENT)~

~but for now please click the link provided to see the conversation~

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B-CBoEotsZaqRHRxVXhJWW0wMVo2blJaTEFSMGExY3ZELVhv

Hyungwon picked his phone up when it made a noise from where it was left on his bed. He pressed the new message notification and smiled when he saw what they have been talking about last night. Hyungwon had found a video of someone making a bowl of Hoseok’s favorite food but shaped the noodles like a nest and on top of it a boiled egg but shaped and cut to resemble a sleepy kitten surrounded by other veggies meant to look like it’s toys.
Then he read the two new words once. Twice. Sorry? What? For what?
He let his thumbs hover the keyboard on his phone, not knowing how to respond or even if he should respond at all.
The way his hyung carefully hugged him made him feel loved. His skin still remembered the touch. Instinctively his fingers grazed the surface where Hoseok’s chin had been. Why did he run off? Did Hyungwon do something wrong?
He put his phone down and continued to fold the shirt he chose. Maybe Hoseok was just hugging him in a friendly way and Hyungwon’s reaction made the other uncomfortable. They actually haven’t had the talk about all those suggestive things that has happened between them. Had Hyungwon imagined it? It did not make sense to him. The way Hoseok held him was more than just a friendly embrace. It was longing, sensual and electric. It was special, but not unexpected. Hyungwon had figured that sooner or later feelings were gonna take over. But he had not foreseen an outcome like this, where Hoseok ran away from him seconds after making him feel so loved. He had to admit it hurt more than he wanted it to. Maybe he was delusional. Maybe it was just a friendly hug that he interpreted as something more.
Throwing an eye on his phone to see what time it was, he decided it was time to sleep. Without taking his clothes off, he slid under the sheets and curled into a ball. Before he realized it, he was fast asleep. 

~

Hoseok didn’t expect an answer, but it still stung his heart a bit when his phone was silent. With a sigh, he unlocked the bathroom door and went to his bedroom. It was dark inside. Was Hyungwon still in there? He peeked around the door over to the youngers bed, and grinned wide. There he was, sleeping peacefully. Of course he had fallen asleep. Hyungwon always did.
Hoseok carefully tiptoed over to Hyungwon's bed, kneeling down besides it. The black hair was messy and stray locks were floating out around his head. The contrast was beautiful.
He wanted to touch him. Had to touch him. Reaching out for the youngers cheek, he brushed a piece of hair off the soft skin with his index finger. Hyungwon’s nose twitched slightly, but he did not wake up.
Hoseok stood up, and went to his own bed to tuck himself in. Maybe he could get some sleep after all.