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Alexandera thought herself a smart but unlucky person. She pushed herself to earn a scholarship through culinary school, unlucky because she flunked out. Double shifts to pay rent and full time schooling causes a person to pass out one too many times and miss out on one too many classes. Smart because she was able to finagle a deal to buy an old restaurant on the cheap. Unlucky because it was a broken down diner on the border between the Narrows and Gotham City. Smart to at least live in a safeish part of the city, though it ate through a decent portion of her profits. Unlucky to be the only person to work in her run down little restaurant. Yes she was smart. But today she's unlucky. Very unlucky indeed.

9:06 pm.
Alexandera hated mopping. It always made her back ache for at least a few hours. And since she had no tub at home to bathe and relax in, she had to make do every night. Business was slow today. A breakout occurred at the Asylum last night. Not many details were released save for the fact the Rogue Gallery were the main escapees... again. Police advised all residents to stay home if possible. That, unluckily for her, was not an option, running a restaurant meant working six to seven days a week, and usually sixteen hour days. And Now it was almost time to wrap up, deposit some earnings, and head on home as safely as possible. Huffing, she dragged the mop and bucket to the back to don't down the rusted drain.


"I'm sorry we're closed!" Alexandera called out, hanging the mop to dry.

Ding! Ding!

Alexandera flipped the bucket upside down over the drain.

"Come back tomorrow morning for breakfast!" Things were silent for a few minutes. With a sigh she began to make her way to the tiny office where her safe was.


Whoever this jackass was they showed no signs of leaving.

"Alright! ALRIGHT!" Alexandera shouted making her way back to the front of her store. "STOP RINGING THA-"
Oh she was very unlucky indeed. He was still in the bright orange Arkham suit, but his face was painted, and his green hair was slicked back from sweat and small amounts of greasepaint. He was also squatting behind her counter ringing her order bell, with a giddy childlike grin on his face.

Well as childlike a psychopathic murderer could be, which surprising was quite a bit. He looked up at her, grinned an even wider smile,

"I love these things." The joker rang the bell again while Alexandria just stood in shock.

"What are you doing here?" Alexandera eyes flicked to the door, hoping to see flashing red and blue lights. The Joker looked at her like she was stupid.

"I'm ringing a bell, Toots. What are you doing?"

"I'm closing shop. Been a slow day because you broke out and I'm not wasting any more of my time." Alexandera cocked her hip, and crossed her arms, getting irritated at the reason her business lost money who now sat cross legged on the freshly mopped floor.

"Ooooooh I'm sorry, how about I make it up to ya." He pulled out what looked to be a comically large revolver and pointed it to her head. "I'll just make sure you won't have to explain to your boss-"

"I AM the boss."

"Well then you won't have to worry about paying your-"

"I'm the only worker."

"Then you wont have to dust all your knick knacks-"

"It's a restaurant." The Joker lowered the gun an inch and cocked his head and gave her a quizzical look.

"Then why the hell is it called Hodge-Podge?"

"I make whatever I feel like cooking that day." Alexandera shrugged.

"That's bad for business you know, not giving people options." The Joker lowered the gun further.

"They have the decision to walk out of the restaurant and pick something else." Alexandera glared at the confused painting of a face "And who are you to tell me how to run a business?"

"Wellll, I do run a gang, you know bossing underlings, making deals, killing people, sharing a laugh. I know what people want."

"I don't think people want to die."

"At least people work for me."

"Touche." They stared at each other for a few quiet tense moments, the Jokers gun no longer pointed at her head, but still in his hand. She was trying to think of some plea to keep her alive or gain his sympathy when suddenly...

"I want eggs." Joker stated decidedly.

"What?" Alexandera's tense body relaxed in confusion.

"And toast. You know? Where the egg is in the middle of the toast." Joker licked his lips and stared at her.

"No!" she gasped. "I'm not going to cook for someone who's going to kill me after the egg hits the pan."

"Awww, come on! I won't kill yeah I'm just starving!" Joker gave her what could be considered a puppy pout. "All the food is mushy and plain, no texture and unseasoned, and you know it's drugged. And not even the good kind!" then he did something surprising. He placed the gun down, slid it over to her feet, then put his hands together in a pleading gesture.

"Pleeeease?" Alexandera blinked in shock. Her eyes flicked back to the door, no lights, and no passerbys.

"I'll leave the gun out here..."


Unappetizing smacks and borderline sexual moans where spilling out from the lanky man sitting on her counter. Plate in hand and not bothering to use the fork she set out, the Joker demolished the 4 "Bulls-eye toast" she made. Plus three thick cuts ham steaks, a dozen scrambled eggs with cheese (pepper jack), onions (slightly caramelized), garlic (diced and added raw at the end), and 3 bottles of orange juice. Alexandera looked on in awe. He continued to ask for more food the minute she finished one plate.
Sighing in what seemed to content, he leaned back into a stretch his overstuffed stomach bulging as he did so.

"Damn Dollface, if I had known you could cook I would of escaped sooner." Joker looked over to her and gave her a wink. "Best damn food I've had in a while." Alexandera tightened the grip the spatula she was holding. She opened her mouth to ask him to leave and never come back (while hoping she would keep her life in the process) when...

Ding! Ding!

"Hello? This is the police! Is anyone here?" Alexandera stiffened as the Joker lulled his head in the direction of the voice. He whispered,

"I didn't order bacon." he leered at her, but despite the situation, and despite the fact she looked ready to kill, she snickered. He cocked a brow and watched as she covered her mouth and brushed past him. He kept staring at her while grabbing the knife she used to chop onions earlier from behind him. She didn't seem to notice as she walked out the swinging door.

"Hello officer, I'm sorry but we're closed for the night." She kept a calm face, while hidden not even two feet away the Joker cocked a brow.

"I'm afraid this innit a lunch break, The Joker was seen in this area about an hour ago and we seemed to have lost him." Alexandera rolled her eyes.

"I'm not surprised." The cop bristled at he condescending tone.

"Ma'am we're questioning those in the area. Have you seen the Joker?" Alexandera closed her eyes for a moment.

"Can't say that I have. I've been cooking for the past hour and Didn't see anyone come in." She gestured to the door leading into the kitchen. "And with a place this small nothing can really get past me." The officer eyed her.

"No backdoor?"

"Has a loud ass alarm that can only but shut off in my office or if someone cuts the wire from the inside." Alexandera held up her spatula.

"I've got a catering order I need to deliver in twenty. You can flip the sign to closed when you leave." She walked off leaving an irritated officer in her wake.

"Thank you for your cooperation, Ma'am." the officer sneered as he walked out. And he did as he was told, though he did slam the door. Alexandera walked into the kitchen, she didn't see the Joker but, didn't move for a few minutes, waiting to make sure no other cops would walk in. She walked back out and locked the door, looking to make sure no one suspicious was lurking about. She rushed back to her kitchen.

"Hey!" she half whispered, "I cooked you dinner and covered your ass from being arrested! Can I go?" she carefully made her way further back looking for any sign from her 'customer'. Her back door was wide open and so was her office door.

"Shit!" Fearful he found and robbed her safe, but releved she was alive she rushed in. the safe was intact. Looking to the back door, she noticed indeed the alarm system was cut. Alexandera moaned to herself, she spoon fed him that one. She closed the door and made sure it was locked. Walking to her tiny office she sat in the rickety chair and cradled her head in her hands. She survived the Joker! But he could always be back. She closed her office door with her foot in an effort to feel even a fraction safer when she noticed her knife sticking out of the door. A piece of paper pinned to eat.

Thanks for the grub, Dollface. Sorry to eat and run, but I got a business to run!
Don't worry though I have a brilliant business plan for you, to pay for that meal.
And I don't always pay.
Keep an eye out and don't fix that alarm.

Alexandera was smart and unlucky. She managed to save her life, even though she did technically break the law. Unluckily in the process she got herself into a whole mess of
trouble with one of Gothams Most Wanted. And unbeknownst to her, it was only beginning. Gothams most wanted was a Hodge podge of strange and insane criminals.

And people gotta eat.


Joker made his way back to base. Stepping in his henchmen got to work, passing him a freshly pressed suit, updating him on all the deals that went well and those that went south. He changed as he walked to his office, sighing as her realized the belt felt a tad snugger than normal.
He leaned into his oversized plush chair thinking of his new friend. Thinking of his new friend got him thinking about his old friends. They, too, had to eat the same gruel as him in the looney bin. And like him they, too, escaped. But they didn't get the delicious meal he did. He didn't pay for a lot of thing but he did like paying visits to his friends. And friends like to eat food

And he knew just the place.