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Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman
Is my intern talented or is he talented?
[pic-Peter's painting]
4.9k retweets 70.9k likes

   > slimey toad @toadisbabey
      oh my god

   > i coulda @droppedmycroissant
      INTERN?????

   > lizzie @whatislife
      im dying

   > i love spidey @spiderfan
      ok but why is that painting actually so good

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy
      ok so tony stark has an intern? coolcoolcool

      >>avengers assemble @avengemedaddy
           coolcoolcoolcoolcool

   > steph! @cutielilsteph
      hes talented oml

   > intern guy @tonystarksintern

      Image result for aw fuck i cant believe youve done this gif

      >>Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman
           What

-

intern guy
@tonystarksintern

sometimes i hate my boss

3 following 530k followers
Followed by Tony Stark

-

intern guy @tonystarkintern
is tony stark a dumbass or is he a dumbass?
[screenshot- peters gif and then tony's rt]
5.8k retweets 92.6k likes

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy
      ok so tony starks intern is amazing coolcoolcool

      >> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy
            coolcoolcoolcoolcool

   > i love @thef_ingavengers
      oml lmaoo

   > beatrice! @bumblebea
      this is fucking gold, i already love this guy

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman
       This is bullying

      >> intern guy @tonystarksintern
            yeah, but you love me anyways

         >>> Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman
                  Debatable

   > spiderman!! @iloveyouspidey
       ok but who are you??

      >> intern guy @tonystarksintern
            im mr. starks personal intern unfortunately

         >>> Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman
                  Thats it kid, no ice cream when you come over tomorrow.

            >>>> intern guy @tonystarksintern
                       wait wait i take it back! i love working for mr. stark! hes the best boss ever!

-

intern guy ✅
@tonystarksintern

ha ha losers i get ice cream tomorrow

3 following 3.5M followers
Followed by Tony Stark and Pepper Potts

Chapter Text

"Mr. Stark do you really not know that meme?"

Tony looked up from his tablet that he'd been working on while they ate ice cream and watched a movie, "What meme?"

"The gif I posted yesterday on twitter? You replied 'what.'" Peter responded, taking a bite of icecream.

Tony sat down his tablet, "Oh yeah, no I don't know that, what is it?"

Peter laughed and took out his phone, "I know you're old Mr. Stark but come on, you're meant to be super good with all things tech and internet related."

Then, Peter leaned over with the 'aw fuck, I can't believe you've done this' video pulled up on his phone. 

"Huh. Your reply makes so much more sense now. Maybe I do need to learn about current memes," Tony admitted.

"Don't worry Mr. Stark, I'll teach you everything you need to know," Peter laughed, "By the way, did you see that I got verified on twitter? Absolutely ridiculous."

Tony laughed, "Yeah kid, I know. Didn't take them long at all. You don't mind do you? I guess I didn't really think about if you wanted to be dragged into the public eye when I posted that."

"It's alright Mr. Stark, I can already tell I'm going to have so much fun with this," Peter chuckled.

"I regret everything," stated Tony.

"Wow, never thought I'd hear those words out of you Tony," said Pepper, walking into the room while pulling off her heels.

"It be like that sometimes, Ms. Potts!" exclaimed Peter.

Pepper laughed, sitting onto the couch on the other side of Tony, "Come on Peter, I've told you this, it's just Pepper."

"Sorry Ms.Pepper!" Peter said, smiling.

Tony laughed, "It was worth a shot."

"Anyways Peter, I saw that picture on twitter. You painted that?" asked Pepper.

Peter blushed, "Oh yeah, Mr. Stark really just exposed me, huh?"

"Hey, in my defense, you deserved it, you little insecure bastard," replied Tony.

Laughing, Pepper added, "I thought it was really good Peter, no need to be self-conscious. Just be careful with that twitter account ok? We don't want to have any mishaps and expose you for real."

"Oh shit, I didn't even think about that. How easy do you think it is to hack a twitter account?" Peter panicked.

Tony put a hand on Peter's shoulder, "Don't worry bud, I already made yours unhackable. There's no way anybody's getting into that thing."

"Thanks Mr. Stark," Peter smiled.

Pepper grinned looking at her boys. Her and Tony had really grown close to Peter in the time they'd known him. He was basically family at this point. 

"So what are we watching guys?" she asked, turning to the tv.

-

intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

movie night with the lads

[pic- Tony and Pepper asleep on the couch together, illuminated by blue light, presumably from a tv]

2.7k retweets 50k likes

 

   > Valerie @itsval

      aww I love them

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

      so obviously intern guy and tony have to be      pretty close, right?? they're having a movie night, like??

 

   > i love 1 (one) @tonystarkintern

     i can only hope that intern guy will continue to     post this kind of content bc otherwise i might die

 

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman

      'lads'? You still call me Mr. Stark despite me constantly telling you not to. You don't get to call me a 'lad' until you call me Tony, kid.

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

           whatever you say mr. stark

 

   > Pepper Potts ✅ @CEOPepperPotts

   Very cute picture, thanks sweetie!

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

           i love you so much ms. pepper!!




i love spidey @spiderfan

the difference between the way @tonystarksintern talks to tony stark and the way he talks to pepper potts is such a fucking power move

994 retweets 21k likes

 

   > intern guy @tonystarksintern

      it is what they deserve.

 

      >> mr. penguin @justagaypenguin

          i mean, hes not wrong




intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

oof so lots of ppl seem very confused, so with permission from queen pepper potts herself i will be answering a few questions, fire away

 

   > whatever @imnotcreative

      since when did tony stark accept interns?

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

     uh since me, i guess? i mean there are interns that work at SI obviously, but he doesnt have any other personal interns lol

 

   > america @fuckyeah

     did you like apply to be an intern or how did this all come to be?

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

           nah mr. stark just kinda showed up in my living room and offered me a job and i was like sure dude, just dont break into my house again and we chill

 

         >>> delaney @majorbitchalert

                oh my god lmaoo 

 

   > gee @imabitchig

      opinion on cats

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

           11/10, magnificent, A++

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

      have you met any of the avengers?

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

           ironman obviously, war machine briefly, most important avenger ms. pepper potts, and spiderman if you count him

 

         >>> i love spidey @spiderfan

                OH MY GOD HES MET SPIDERMAN I CANT

 

   >mj @clichearthoe

     queen pepper potts is the only valid way to address her

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

           glad we agree

 

   > lauren @lazyladylauren

do you have an art account anywhere?

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

      no, but i might make an insta if yall want that?

 

         >>> lauren @lazyladylauren

                yes please!

 

   > it me @thatonegirl

     whats your name?

   

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

           sorry, i cant say, but i guess you guys can keep calling me intern guy or like tsi or smth idk, should i come up with a fake name??

 

         >>> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

                ok uh how abt b? its the initial for one of my names, wont say which one tho

 

> VIP @veryimportantperson

      what paints did you use for that painting? do you usually paint cityscapes?

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

           that painting was made with my winsor-newton palette, and yeah most of my paintings are either cityscapes or just general bits and pieces of the city

 

   > i love spidey @spiderfan

      WHATS SPIDERMAN LIKE

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

           pretty lame tbh. last week he taped a collage of dead memes to the ceiling so that nobody could take it down

 

         >>> Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

                 Kid, you quote dead memes all the time

 

            >>>> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

                     yeah but when i do it its cool

 

-

 

intern guy ✅

@tonystarksintern

i FUCKING LOVE pepper potts

3 following  5.7M followers

Followed by Tony Stark and Pepper Potts

 

Chapter Text

Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman
B fell asleep in the lab again.
[pic- a boy sleeping with his head face-down on a lab table. Curly brown hair and a bunched up dark blue hoodie are the only visible defining features.]

   > intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 
      yeah cuz you never do that, huh?

      >> Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman
           I don't like your tone young man.
 
           >>> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 
                  die mad abt it then

   > lana @littleladylana
      low-key tho why he look like a snack

      >> bubbles @powderpuffgirls
          ikr? hes fucking adorable

   > yeets-into-the-void @vanessa
      ok hear me out,,, but,, , does anybody else catch some , , very ,,, dad-like vibes from T Stark? 

      >> ladybug @lladybugl
      oh my god??? youre so right???

         >>> queen crisis @existentialcrisis
                lmao thats funny, tony stark? a dad? youre kidding me, right?


-

E!NEWS: TONY STARKS INTERN ACTUALLY HIS SON?
by: James Flynn

Everyone's heard the news that Tony Stark (owner of Stark Industries and the man behind the Ironman mask) apparently has an intern. The information shocked the public when it was announced on twitter via a post by Stark himself:

[Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman
Is my intern talented or is he talented?
[pic-Peter's painting]
8.9k retweets  142.7k likes]

Now, the public is even more shocked after hearing the idea that maybe Stark's intern isn't actually his intern. The theory was first introduced by twitter user yeets-into-the-void @vanessa, who noticed that in recent tweets, Tony Stark has had a rather dad-like persona. In one tweet he posted a picture of his intern asleep on a lab table, and in another he boasts about his intern's talented art skills. 

Knowing his history, it seems very plausible that Stark could have a child (we all know what he was up to during his playboy days), but if he does have a child, is it possible that we wouldn't know about by now? Obviously his son would be in his twenties, seeing as he is interning for Stark, and it just seems impossible that the information wouldn't have leaked for that long. What do you think?

4k likes  827 comments
View comments:

guest user- oml

mila- hes a total dad

Amy Wilson- well, he doesn't actually have to be 20 does he? if hes actually tonys son, he could be a genius too, therefore he wouldnt need to be in college to be an intern
replying to Amy Wilson: 
guest user- omfg youre so right

guest user- dilf

shrek- ok but can we handle another Stark? if he's anything like Tony he'll be an absolute disaster

guest user- bruh 

-

katie @itskatiebiotch
ok but if tony stark is a dad then does that mean hes,, ,, irondad

   > jenn @jennifernotaniston
      yes

   > i love 1 (one) @tonystarkintern
     i wonder what b's actual name is? and how old he is? he does seem pretty young based off his sense of humor tbh

   > cronchy @crunch
     oh my god do you think b knows how to use the ironman suit??

   > kermit @fuzzygreenthing
      i dont care abt the drama i just want b's art insta to be real

-

Trending

#irondad

#tonystarksintern

#tonystark

#internguy

#whoisb

-

intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 
hey daddy @iamironman

   > i love spidey @spiderfan
      what the fuck
     
   > yeets-into-the-void @vanessa
      oh my god??

   > mj @clichearthoe
      i cannot believe you made it worse

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman
      Wow.

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy
     [this is meant to be the beyonce meme with 'daddy!?' written on it but it wont let me fucking put it in so idk]

   > Pepper Potts @CEOPepperPotts
    B. Come to my office.

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 
           i have made a grave mistake

         >>> Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 
                 Good luck, kid.

            >>>> guy in the chair @spideysbestfriend 
                     F

-

messages- peanut butter parker > michael jackson jones

peanut butter parker:
MJ I FUCKED UP

michael jackson jones:
no shit

peanut butter parker:
WHAT DO I DO

michael jackson jones:
idk

youre so stupid lmao

youll probably need to post a tweet abt it or smth. have you talked to queen pepper potts yet?

peter?

guess youre dead

have a nice time in hell bitch

-

E!News @enews
Check out our new article! Tony Stark: Irondad or Irondaddy? Something Kinky going on between Tony Stark and his Intern?

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy
      i am actually dying oh my looooord

   > giant green ogre@shrek
       this is the worst timeline

   > lacy @laughylacy
       i have never had a greater urge to puke in my entire life

-

"What the fuck Peter!?" 

Peter shrunk under the harsh glare of the goddess herself, Pepper Potts.

"Uh, I thought it'd be funny-"

That was not the right thing to say.

Pepper grit her teeth, "You thought...calling Tony 'daddy' in a tweet.. would be funny."

Peter took a step back, "Uh well I, I can see now that that was a mistake, and uh and I will do whatever it is you want me to do to fix this."

Pepper was pacing and mumbling under her breath now, "I don't know why I even bother. Just like Tony. Why do I always end up with reckless assholes to look after. Fuck love. Next time I'll just walk away. Yeah, yeah, who needs this job? Not me-"

"Uh, Pepper?" Peter said quietly, trying not to anger her more.

Pepper looked up. "Do you have any idea what kind of PR shitstorm I have to deal with now? You just publically called Tony Stark daddy. Peter Benjamin Parker you idiot. I hate that I love you. Get out."

"You. You love me?" Peter stuttered out.

Pepper shoved him out of her office, already on her phone.

-

messages- literal superhero wtf > guy in the chair

literal superhero wtf: 
ned

ned

i think ms potts just said she loves me????

im freaking out

oh my god pepper potts loves me

guy in the chair:
wtf even is your life man

literal superhero wtf: 
i dont fucking know

what do i do

you gotta help me

oh my god shes gonna hate me bc i called mr stark daddy


 
guy in the chair:
i hope you know just how fucking ridiculous that sentence is

-


Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 
There is nothing going on between my intern and I. I am not his father, nor his lover. I am merely his mentor. I am in a loving, committed relationship, and will be for (hopefully) the rest of my life.
5.8k retweets 94.3k likes


intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 
i cannot believe that you people think that there is something *gag* sexual going on between me and tony stark. that man is the closest thing i have to a father-figure and you sir, are more disgusting then a pile of vomit with chunks of chewed hotdog in it
6.2 k retweets 100k likes

-

intern guy ✅
@tonystarksintern

guilty of being a stupid fucking idiot

3 following  7.8M followers
Followed by Tony Stark and Pepper Potts

 

Chapter Text

avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

i love that tony stark having an intern is just like,, so casual? for years we have seen snippets of t starks life but always just like pr stuff and a carefully crafted image (1/?)

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

we've never seen anything this domestic or real from him, which is kind of terrifying seeing as he is one of the largest influencers on our lives, with ironman, (2/?)

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

 stark industries, and just his general media presence. in the last 2 weeks we have seen him express love, have joke around, and also just (3/?)

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

conversing with ppl like an actual human being? b literally stated that stark was the closest thing he has to a father figure. starks public reputation rlly has all just been bullshit ig?? (4/?)

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

long story short? this is a new era of tony stark and i am absolutely living for it (5/5)

 

      >> bubbles @powderpuffgirls

           either the media has been lying to us or we have been lying to ourselves tbh

 

      >> mr. penguin @justagaypenguin

          im still dying over that omllll tony stark is a 'father-figure'??? 

 

      >> ~°.°~ @madlad

           i low-key used to hate tony stark, but honestly all of this has really made me rethink that.

 

      >> delaney @majorbitchalert

          i am here for this!! #neweraoftonystark

      

-

 

Trending

 

#neweraoftonystark 

 

#irondad

 

#queenpepperpotts

 

-

 

Tony sighed. He'd been trying to update his suit, but he was so distracted that he'd accidentally just knocked his coffee mug onto the floor, spilling coffee everywhere. 

"Dum-e? Get over here you little rascal."

Giving up his work for now, Tony closed his hologram blueprints and chucked a balled-up paper full of useless equations at the trash bin in the corner.

He missed.

This was so stupid. Why did he have to be the absolute worst at dealing with emotions? He'd been in a weird mood the last few days all because of a few stupid tweets.

Peter had said that he was the closest thing he'd had to a father figure. 

Did that mean that he did think of him as a father figure? Or was it just a thing he said? Maybe he was overthinking this.

Of course Tony had grown fond of the little bastard because life was just like that and decided to fuck with him, just as it always had. But just because he thought of Peter like a son and treated Peter like a son and loved Peter as a son, didn't mean Peter automatically thought of him as a dad.

Except maybe he did?

God. He was kind of a dad. What the fuck.

Well if he's gonna be (kind of) a dad, he needed to start acting like one. This was an opportunity that Tony never thought he'd have. He was definitely not going to ruin it by acting like his own father. He needed to talk to Peter. He needed to tell him he loved him.

God fucking hell.

Peter was going to be over tomorrow for lab time anyways. He could do it then.

 

-

 

When Peter came skipping into the lab the next day with messy curls and paint smeared hands and slapped his overflowing sketchbook onto a lab table, Tony was overcome with the sudden urge to just blurt out 'i love you'.

Fuck, that's not how this was going to happen. He needed a little more self control.

"Hey Mr. Stark! I finally finished that painting! Oh! I also got an A on that Physics project. I'm not really surprised though, it was super easy!" exclaimed Peter as a greeting, looking up at Tony with a toothy grin.

"I love you."

Fuck.

Peter looked completely taken aback.

"Uh, what?"

Tony internally groaned.

"Ok that's not how I was going to say it initially, but you know, change of plans. I'm gonna roll with it. So you know, in the time that we have known eachother, we've gotten pretty close I'd say, and I'm really glad that I met you, because you're really a great kid and you know, you're so smart and so talented, and you're great to work with in the lab, and even though you can be a little shit, you're pretty funny, and fuck. I love you, ok? You said I'm the closest thing you have to a father figure, and kid youre the closest thing I have to a son.. figure." 

Tony rushed and rambled through his explanation so quick it was almost impossible to understand, and then quickly slowed down at the end, fading so he was practically whispering when he said 'figure'.

They stared at each other for a moment.

Peter's face was flushed a bright red when he stuttered out, "I-uh. I love you too, Mr. Stark."

Tony laughed off the tension, "Ok no. I just bore my soul out to you, and you know I don't do emotions kid. You are definitely not allowed to call me Mr. Stark anymore."

"Are we- well. Is it- uh...can I call you... dad?" Peter mumbled, somehow blushing even darker.

Tony grinned.

"Yeah, kid. Yeah. Come over here and hug your old man." 

Peter crashed into his arms, wrapping his own around Tony's middle and hiding his face in Tony's neck.

Tony sniffed. Ok enough of this. He was not going to fucking cry right now.

"How about we skip lab time today and just go watch a movie?"

 

-

 

Pepper Potts @CEOPepper Potts

My boys ❤

[pic- Tony and Peter asleep on the couch, curled up in eachother. Tony's arm was wrapped around Peter, and Peter's head was smushed so far into his shoulder it was a miracle he could even breath. Peter's face is not visible.]

3.6k retweets 42k likes

 

-

 

group chat- losers + mj

 

loser #1:

so uh

im kind of dying

loser #2:

what happened lol

 

loser #1: 

uh tony stark just told me he loved me and then i told him i loved him too and then i called him dad and then we hugged and then we watched a movie and i fell asleep on him and then i woke up in a spare room at the tower

what time is it?

 

not a loser:

3 fucking am what the fuck

oh

took you long enough

 

loser #2:

yeah, honestly peter i cant rlly say im surprised

 

loser #1:

what do you mean??

 

not a loser:

he means that you have accidentally referred to stark as dad at least 5 times in the past week whilst you were ranting about how much you love him

 

loser #2:

it was really bound to happen soon enough

 

loser #1:

oh my god did i actually???

i didnt even notice 

 

not a loser:

youre such a dumbass peter

 

loser #2:

shes not wrong, peter

congrats though!

 

-

 

intern guy ✅

@tonystarksintern

 

emotions are wild bro

 

3 following  9.4M followers

Followed by Tony Stark and Pepper Potts



Chapter Text

i love spidey @spiderfan

@tonystarkintern so any chance you could convince spiderman to get a twitter?

2.5k retweets 8.4k likes

 

   > webhead @fyeahspiderman

     oh my god i would die

 

   > intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

      oof maybe? ill talk to him next time i see him. in the meantime the craft store that i go to all the time Artsy Bits and Bobs has a letter box so that you can give notes to spidey and i always collect them for him :)

 

      >> i love spidey @spiderfan

           ohh my god thats so cute, thanks so much!

 

   > holly @mistletoebb

      you are a literal genius

 

-

 

CNN Breaking News ✅ @cnnbrk

Latest article: > Spacecraft Landing in Upstate New York?<

2.7k retweets 45.3k likes

 

   > cronchy @crunch

      what the fuck

 

   > giant green ogre @shrek

      we're all gonna die lmao

 

   > kayla @thotiana

      why have an area 51 raid when we can just get all the aliens we need right here in nyc?

 

-

 

Peter held his breath as he watched the spacecraft touch down on the ground outside the compound. He and Tony had been training together when Friday alerted them to the foreign ship in the sky.

They both went out, already suited up, hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.  

Tony had called in back-up, but Vision and Rhodey had yet to arrive, so it was just the two of them.

Peter and Tony where more then surprised when the door on the spacecraft opened and fucking Thor and Bruce Banner walked out.

"Brother Tony!" exclaimed Thor, walking closer, followed closely by Bruce.

Tony flipped open his mask and greeted them both with a nod. "Thor. Bruce. Long time no see. Where you been?"

"My father died, I was imprisoned on a planet of garbage, I found the hulk, I found out I had a sister, and then I killed my sister, but Asgard was destroyed, so I brought my people here for refuge!" Thor explained cheerfully.

"What the fuck," mumbled Peter, ogling Thor's fucking monstrous muscles.

"Uh who's this?" Bruce asked, glancing over at Peter.

Tony, taken aback by Thor's story, finally turned to Bruce, "Uh that's Spiderman. So you've been in Space this whole time? Obviously, that's a stupid question. Uh, are you ok?"

Bruce nodded, "Yeah, uh the other guy kind of took over, I had no clue what was even going on until Thor found me. How long have I been gone exactly?"

"Almost 3 years buddy. Welcome back to Earth I guess," Tony said softly.

Bruce looked a bit like a kicked puppy until Thor threw an enormous arm over his shoulder and smiled at him.

"How about you guys come inside so we can catch eachother up, hm? I'll have someone bring out food and water for the Asgardians," said Tony, fully disengaging his suit and guiding Bruce and Thor towards the door.

Peter quietly snuck off and webbed his way up to a window on the second story to climb in. Once he'd taken off his suit and sorted out his hair so he at least looked semi-decent, he rushed down the stairs and into the lounge where Tony, Bruce, Thor, and now Rhodey where talking.

They looked up when he walked in, and Rhodey greeted him with a happy, "Hey squirt. You met these guys yet?"

Peter shook his head, grinning and bouncing.

Tony laughed, "Oh go on kid, you're going to explode if you don't say it."

"MR. DR. BRUCE BANNER SIR I'VE READ ALL YOUR PAPERS!" he exclaimed, accidentally shouting.

Bruce confusedly smiled, shooting Tony a quick 'what the fuck' look.

"Sorry!" Peter said sheepishly, "It's just oh my god, you're so smart and all of your work has been so great, wow. Uh, I'm Peter by the way."

Bruce grinned, reaching out to shake Peter's hand, "Thanks Peter, it's great to meet you."

Then Peter turned to Thor, smiling widely and practically vibrating.

"And oh lord you're literally Thor. I'm dying. This is the single greatest day of my life."

Tony, looking insulted, jokingly said,"Hey!"

"Oh come on dad, you're cool but not Bruce Banner and Thor cool," said Peter, rolling his eyes.

Thor took it in stride and responded, "Thank you Son of Tony! You are 'cool' too!"

Bruce looked absolutely dumbstruck and mumbled a quiet, "I've missed so much."

Peter looked like he was about to faint, whispering to himself, "Oh my god Thor just called me cool."

"You're going to have to give me a timeline or something here, what all's happened since I left? You killed Ultron right?" asked Bruce.

Tony nodded, "Yeah we won. Ultron was destroyed and we saved all of the people. Uh, Pietro Maximoff though, uh, he died."

"Oh," Bruce bit his lip, "What else?"

"We were ok for a while after that, but uh. Then there were some incidents. The UN decided that we couldn't be left as we were anymore because we were causing too much damage, so they made the Sokovia Accords, which would establish a panel to oversee and control us. I supported it. We should be held accountable, you know? We can't just go around destroying whole cities and then doing nothing about it and still getting away with it simply because we are who we are, " Tony's voice was getting slightly choked, but he continued anyways, "Rogers… Rogers didn't agree. He's always trusted his own decisions more than the government's. He went off to find the Winter Soldier after that, who it turns out is actually James Barnes, his old buddy from the 40's. That's a whole other story though so uh, yeah. But anyways, he didn't want to wait for authorization for the mission, so he just didn't. He recruited Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, Barton, and Scott Lang, he's Ant Man- another long story. We uh, we made up a team to stop them. I got Romanoff, Black Panther (another long story, god), Vision, Rhodey obviously, and Spiderman. You met him earlier- real picky about his secret identity. There was a whole fight. We destroyed an airport," he laughs then, obviously fake, but no one says anything.

Rhodey takes over for him, "Romanoff ended up letting Rogers and Barnes escape. The rest of them were sent to the Raft. That fight was when I was paralyzed, actually. Tony made me these braces though, so with a little bit of physical therapy, I've been alright."

Bruce looked at him with pity. As much as they'd all been hurt during missions, nothing had ever quite as permanent or personal. As if sensing his sadness, Thor put a gentle hand on his thigh to comfort him.

Tony breaks the awkward silence, "I met up with them again in Siberia. I had meant to make a truce with them. But then I learned that Barnes murdered my parents. I could have reacted better."

"Rogers and Barnes escaped and then they broke the others out of the Raft. The UN doesn't know where they are, but Barnes was granted asylum in Wakanda so there's no doubt that that's where Rogers is, and if that's where Rogers is, the rest are probably there too. We still don't really know what happened to Romanoff. She might be with them, she might not be," ends Rhodey with a shrug.

Bruce and Thor look vaguely uncomfortable.

"Uh, wow. That's-that's a lot," says Bruce.

Peter added, "On a more light-hearted note, there have been lots of great memes since you left!"

"Right, uh about that, when did you find out you had a son?" asked Bruce.

Tony laughed, "Peter's my intern, not my son."

"Uh no, he's definitely your son, whether it's biological or not Tones," Rhodey butted in.

Blushing, Peter jokingly replied, "Aw, Uncle Rhodey, I love you too!"

Rhodey brightened at that, even though he knew it was a joke.

"So, Starkson, we need to find somewhere for my people to live," reminded Thor, successfully turning the conversation serious again.

"Right, of course. Rhodey, you want to get on the phone with the UN?" asked Tony.

 

-

 

CNN Breaking News ✅ @cnnbrk

Latest article: >Foreign Spacecraft Confirmed to be Friendly- Carries Bruce Banner, Thor, and Asgardians. Asgardians Settle Down in Norway<

6.3k retweets 107.5k likes

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

      BRUCE AND THOR ARE BACK!!!!!

 

   > toby @imacountrysunger

      oh my god???

 

   > luna @loonylovegood

  1. banner and thor have missed a fuck ton. how do you think theyll react when they find out the avengers fucking ruined a whole airport fighting each other?

 

-

 

spider guy @friendlywebspinner

somehow thors muscles are even bigger in person

2.8k retweets 37.3k likes

 

   > i love spidey @spiderfan

      are you actually spiderman????

 

   > intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

      his arms are thicker than my thighs

 

      >> spider guy @friendlywebspinner

           your thighs are twigs lmao so thats not a surprise

 

         >>> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

                 im going to block you

 

   > kermit @fuzzygreenthing

      oh my god spiderman met thor

 

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

      Why is this your first tweet?

 

   > queen crisis @existentialcrisis

      spiderman is tweeting abt thors muscles, i guess god hasnt abandoned us after all

 

   > mj @clichearthoe

      you rlly just made your first tweet a thirst tweet?



-

 

intern guy ✅

@tonystarksintern 

 

ive met bruce banner, i can die happy

 

5 following 103k followers

Followed by Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner and 2 more

Chapter Text

intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

VIBE CHECK

[video- Thor and Spiderman training outside of the compound. Unexpectedly, Thor rams Spiderman in the side with his new hammer and Spiderman flies out of frame]

 

   > i love spidey @spiderfan

      OH MY GOD

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

      iconic

 

   > giant green ogre @shrek

      [pic- 'god I wish that were me' meme]

 

   > spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner

      i hate you

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern

           nah, you love me

 

         >>> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner

                lies and slander. you'll be hearing from my lawyers.

 

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

       What the fuck is this? I thought I told you to be careful with him @thor!?

 

      >> Thor @Thor

            My apologies Man of Iron. He was fine.

 

      >> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner

           tony ive been crushed under a building before. i think i can handle 1 measly whack with a hammer

 

         >>> Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

                 WHEN THE FUCK WERE YOU CRUSHED UNDER A BUILDING? GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW YOU LITTLE BASTARD

 

            >>>> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

                     someones in trouble lmaoo

 

-

"Ok, please don't be mad."

Tony glared at Peter.

"Please don't be mad!? That's all you have to say to that?" he said, furiously waving his arms around. It was walking the line between hilarious and kind of concerning.

Peter took a cautious step back, mumbling, "Ah, I didn't really want to bother you? You'd already taken the suit and all, so it didn't really matter."

"I hate you so much you small insecure child. I love you, ok? If you're hurt, of course it fucking matters!" exclaimed Tony.

"But that was before!" Peter explained, "We weren't close then, you didn't love me then."

Tony took a deep breath, "Peter I always loved you, ok? And even if I hadn't, it didn't even cross your mind now to let me know?"

"What was I supposed to say? Hey dad, just thought I'd tell you about that time the Vulture crushed me under a building! It was ages ago, ok? It doesn't matter anymore!" shouted Peter.

"Peter can you look me in the eyes right now and genuinely tell me that it doesn't bother you? That it doesn't still affect you to this day?" asked Tony, staring Peter down.

Peter faltered, opening his mouth and closing it again. 

"That's what I thought. You don't have to deal with that on your own ok? I can help you. Or we could get you a therapist or something. You don't have to just live with this."

Peter sniffed, stumbling forward into Tony's arms.

"Thanks, dad."

 

-

 

froggy @froggyboj

i am  r e a l l y  not ok

[vid- Low by Flo Rida plays shocking loud in the background, but the cameraman can be heard shouting, "SPIDERMAN! TWERK!" Somehow Spiderman seems to hear him, pausing on a lamp post and beginning to twerk. (smth like this: link )]

 

   > i love spidey @spiderfan

       this is glorious

 

   > @imdyinginside

      why is life like this

 

   > mr. penguin @justagaypenguin

      wow spidermans rlly just giving us what we deserve huh?

 

    > intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

       dAMN SPIDEY WORK THAT ASS

 

      >> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner

           you know it bb 😏

 

         >>> Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

                 I am highly uncomfortable.

 

         >>> candace @moooooom

                 uH????

 

-

 

avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

@friendlywebspinner do you think youll ever do any interviews or go on any talk shows or smth?

 

   > spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

      oof idk. would yall want that?

 

      >> i love spidey @spiderfan 

           um? absolutely??

 

         >>> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

                 @CEOPepperPotts ?

 

            >>>> Pepper Potts ✅ @CEOPepperPotts 

                     Could be good for PR, Spidey.



-



messages- technically youre dead > wheres my sandwhich

 

technically youre dead:

so uh

were you ever gonna tell me abt your fabulous new intern?

 

wheres my sandwich:

Not really.

 

technically youre dead:

rude

 

wheres my sandwich:

It be like that sometimes.

 

technically youre dead:

what the actual fuck

what the fuck

why

why do you know that

wtf 

i dont like it take it back

 

wheres my sandwich:

Lmao

 

technically youre dead:

NO

stop that this instance

you are NOT allowed to say lmao

 

wheres my sandwich:

man i love this, remind me to thank peter later

 

technically youre dead:

so thats his name then?

gross

my name is better

 

wheres my sandwich:

It's not a competition kid lol

 

technically youre dead:

sure jan

WAIT

HE TAUGHT YOU MEMES??

I HATE HIM ALREADY

 

wheres my sandwich:

Calm down Harley

Don't start hating him yet, you haven't even met him

 

technically youre dead:

if i want to hate him i will fucking hate him

 

wheres my sandwich:

Seriously? You gotta give him a chance kid. I bet you'd really like him if you got to meet him.

 

technically youre dead:

well im not meeting him anytime soon bc im in the middle of buttfuck tennessee so instead ill just continue to hate him

 

wheres my sandwich:

Come on kid, I really like him ok? He's a good kid.

 

technically youre dead:

we'll see

currently all i know abt him is that hes a dumbass and hes friends with spiderman

who, admittedly, is pretty cool

but idk maybe spiderman is just an awful judge of character

 

wheres my sandwich:

...



-



intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

i asked mr stark for a little bit of cash he gave me $200. i just wanted a pizza

 

   > nina @ninasucks

      oh my god can t stark give me 'a little bit of cash' pls

 

   > guy in the chair @spideysbestfriend

      why are you complaining 

 

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

      $200 is a little bit of cash?

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

           ...

 

   > katie @itskatiebiotch

      we stan our idiot billionaire 



-

 

spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

sometimes you ppl astound me like seriously have you not learned by now? spider silk is one of the strongest materials known to man. if i tie you up you are not getting out until i want you to

 

   > intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

      ooh kinky

 

      >> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage

           id watch out b, he might eat you afterwards

 

         >>> Tony Stark @iamironman 

                 I am literally begging you all to stop.

 

   > emma! @emmadarling

      honestly though we rlly dont know that much abt spideys powers though??

 

      >> shrek @giantgreenogre

            youre right actually. like what do we even know abt the guy?

Chapter Text

"So here we are! I'd like to welcome our wonderful guests, Mr. Tony Stark, and Mr. Spiderman for being here so that we can learn more about them!" Ellen announced.

The audience screamed. Wow. 

Peter took a deep breath before sitting down on the couch next to Tony. 

"Thanks for having us dear," said Tony, flashing Ellen a grin.

Peter, feeling obligated to greet her, said, "Hello, nice to meet you!"

"Well and you too. It's not every day I have literal superheroes on my couch," she laughed.

Peter waved her off, blushing under the mask.

"So uh, Spidey- can I call you that?" Ellen asked.

Peter nodded, "Yeah that's fine. Way better than some of the things Tony calls me."

Ellen chuckled, "We're coming back to that, trust me. What I wanted to ask though, was uh, is this your usual off-duty attire? I imagine it would be difficult to match outfits around the red and blue."

"Yeah," he laughed, looking down at the hoodie and denim jacket he was wearing over his suit, "Very contrasting colors. But uh no, I don't usually wear the suit unless I'm actually doing Spiderman stuff. I just figured maybe since I'm gonna be on tv and all, I should probably dress up a little."

Tony snorted, "Kid, a hoodie is not considered 'dressed up'," he said, adding air quotes around 'dressed up'.

"Maybe, but jean jackets are totally in right now, especially over hoodies, so at least it's stylish," replied Peter, striking a pose to show off his outfit.

Tony laughed, shoving him on the shoulder, "Quit it kid, we get it."

"So Tony, any upcoming events or projects going on for you? Or Stark Industries?" Ellen asked.

"Yeah actually, SI is currently teaming up with Pym Tech for a new project. We've also got a few things coming out in the next couple of months, including the next Stark Phone," he explained, causing the crowd to cheer.

Ellen grinned, jokingly asking, "Do I get one when they come out?"

Tony easily replied, "Absolutely. If you pay for it."

They both laughed.

"Has your intern been helping you with that? There's been lots of excitement on twitter and things about your new intern, but we don't actually know what he does," she continued.

Tony nodded again, saying, "B works on lots of stuff around the lab. Sometimes he'll help me when I'm working on SI stuff, but most of what he works on is actually his own inventions and experiments, or superhero tech."

"Wow, what sort of superhero tech does he work on," she asked, "I'll be honest and say I don't really have any idea how any of what you guys do works."

The audience laughed, agreeing with her.

"He works on the Ironman suit with me sometimes, or tinkers with some of the Avengers old stuff, but generally he actually works on Spidey's stuff," explained Tony, gesturing to Peter.

Peter nodded, shifting in his seat, "B's actually the one that invented my original web shooters and silk formula."

"Oh great, wow, I was under the impression that the webbing came from your body, so that's a relief," she laughed, and continued, "So did you and B know eachother before you knew Tony?"

"Yeah actually, B had been working with me for a few months before Tony even approached me," said Peter.

Tony nodded, adding, "Of course, when Spidey started working with me I fixed up the suit and gave him more resources, but the genius behind it all was really B."

"You seem very proud of him, yeah? I assume he's very smart," asked Ellen.

"Oh yeah," agreed Tony, "He's brilliant. His mind astounds even me sometimes. I'm always proud of that kid."

Ellen nodded, asking, "So are you very close with him, Tony?"

"Yeah, we spend a lot of time together in the lab, and outside the lab too. We've definitely gotten closer in that time. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him at this point," he says earnestly.

Elle aws, before smirking and turning to Peter, "So what about you Spidey? What's your relationship with B like? And don't lie, I've seen you flirting on twitter."

"W-what!?" Peter stutters, flushing as red as his mask.

Tony is no help, laughing his ass off beside him.

"Well are you dating? Or do you like him at least?" she continued, not getting the answer she wanted.

Peter stumbles over his words, "No, no it's uh-it's not like that!"

Ellen just smirks, lowly sing-songing, "Whatever you say!"

"Moving on, what's been going on behind the scenes of the Avengers? We haven't heard much at all since the fan-dubbed civil war," Ellen asked.

Finally calming down with the slightly tense topic, Tony replies, "We've been doing alright. I'm sure you've heard that Thor and Banner are back on earth. They've been going back and forth between New Asgard and the compound. It's been great having them back, especially since we haven't seen them in a while. This was actually the first time Spidey here met them."

"Oh that's cool! What was meeting them like?" she asked Peter.

"They're both really nice and kind of exactly how you'd expect them to be, but the circumstances were weird because mostly what we talked about was what they had missed while they were in space. Definitely one of the weirdest conversations I've had," he answered, chuckling.

Ellen nodded, saying, "I can only imagine. So any chance you'll be meeting any other Avengers any time soon?"

"We're really not sure yet," said Tony, going on to explain, "I've been working with the UN to try and fix up the Sokovia Accords, but until the new accords are finished, I highly doubt that any of them will be back in the U.S., let alone New York."

"And the Accords are what the whole fight was over, right?" she asked.

Tony nodded, "Yeah, we had a disagreement about the fairness of them because although we do need to be held accountable for our actions, the original accords were very restricting and on some points didn't even give superheros basic human rights."

"Spidey, you were there for the whole fight at that airport in Germany weren't you?" continued Ellen.

"Yeah," he nodded, "That was actually when Tony recruited me to the team. We hadn't met until then, so that was kind of my first big 'superhero fight'."

Ellen furrowed her brows, "Have you had many big 'superhero fights' since then?"

"Ah, a few, unfortunately. Only one against another enhanced individual or whatever you want to call him," said Peter, wincing slightly.

"Was that the Vulture? I read about that in the news and stuff but nobody really knew went down between you guys."

Peter nodded, "Yeah, so uh basically, he was running this whole weapons cartel with weapons made from old pieces left over from the Battle of New York, and since they were Chitaurian, a lot of them had some really weird powers and uses, that were definitely way too dangerous in criminal hands."

Tony looked at him with pity in his eyes, but Peter ignored him, saying, "Then though, he decided to go after some higher end stuff and decided to take down one of Tony's planes that had a bunch of old Avengers tools. I first caught up with him in a warehouse where he gave me his good old evil villain monologue, and unfortunately he got the best of me and took out the supports, causing the concrete roof to cave in on top of me. That uh, wasn't fun. But you know, I got out in the end so it was alright. Then I managed to catch him again after he'd gotten to the jet, and I'm sure you know the rest of that story."

"Wow that must have been difficult," said Ellen, "Obviously you've got some sort of super-strength, though right? A lot of people are curious about what exactly your powers are."

Tony snorted, "Understatement of the year. At this point, I'm fairly sure that Spidey's stronger than Rogers."

Peter bashfully waved him off, " No I don't think so, but uh yeah, I've got enhanced strength and agility and that sort of thing, as well as just generally enhanced senses. My hearing is so good I can hear a crime taking place from multiple blocks away. That's come in handy for sure. I've also got this thing I call my spidey sense, which is kinda hard to explain, but basically it just alerts me to danger? I assume it comes from the vibrations in the air or whatever because that's how some spiders detect prey, but it doesn't really work like that," he shrugged.

Ellen looked kind of lost, "Uh wow, ok then. Well, that's actually about all the time we have for today, but uh thank you for joining us," she said nodding at Tony and Peter, "and also thank you for joining us!" she said, turning to the audience.

Chapter Text

avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

im sorry?? did t stark say that spiderman is stronger than captain america?? i????

 

   > mr. penguin @justagaypenguin

      i am absolutely living for this entire interview oml

 

   > #1 spiderman fan! @ilovespiderman

      ok but like at this point are we surprised? spidey has been here for ny so much and id say hes proved that hes obviously the best superhero

 

   > i love @thef_ingavengers

      has spidey ever come out and said how he got his powers though? like was he born half spider or smth??

 

   > i love spidey @spiderfan

      MY BABY GOT A BUILDING DROPPED ON HIM AND HE STILL WENT ON TO TAKE DOWN THE BAD GUY I STAN 1 (one)  BADASS LEGEND

 

   > mj @clichearthoe

      yeah i guess spidermans alright

 

-

 

potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage

@friendlywebspinner im low key disappointed that the web doesnt actually come out of you but also high key stoked to learn that its just science

 

   > spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

      is that genuinely like a thing ppl thought? they just thought i had literal spider silk that came out of my wrists? how would that even work??

 

      >> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage

           hey im not the one that named myself spiderman

 

         >>> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

                i was bitten by a fuckin radioactive spider what the fuck was i supposed to call myself

 

            >>>> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage

                      oh shit, really? damn fair enough

 

               >>>>> Tony Stark @iamironman 

                           Watching you two interact has aged me 10 years 

 

-

 

spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner

wait @iamironman is @ironmaninmygarage the kid from tennessee???

 

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

       Yeah

 

      >> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage

           uh?? kid from tennessee? is that all i am to you tony? betrayal.

 

         >>> spider guy @friendlywebspinner 

                wow, thats so rude tony

 

            >>>> Tony Stark @iamironman 

                      Good Lord, I should have stopped this when I had the chance.

 

-

 

i love spidey @spiderfan

who the fuck is the kid from tennessee??

 

   > #1 spiderman fan! @ilovespiderman

      i dont know and i dont like that i dont know

 

      >> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

            ok when was t stark in tennessee?? how did they meet?? why are they kind of friends???

 

         >>> i love spidey @spiderfan 

                 idk but it seems like hes kind of young? spiderman called him kid?

 

            >>>> tyler @talltylerfrombiology

                      ya know bc this kid is young and so is b it kind of makes you wonder if maybe spidey is young too?

 

               >>>>> i love spidey @spiderfan

                           valid theory, i like it

 

                  >>>>>> giant green ogre @shrek

                                so youre saying theres a chance that the guy who can catch busses with his bare hands is just a kid?

 

                     >>>>>>> nina @ninasucks

                                     thats fucked up

 

-

 

chris is it @christinechristerson

yall are sleepin on the spiderman x b ship like damn did you see how flustered sm was when ellen asked if they were dating lmao

 

   > #1 spiderman fan! @ilovespiderman

      fuck i wish we could have seen him blush wow can you even imagine

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

      ok but they would be so cute together

 

   > slimey toad @toadisbabey

      theyre hilarious when the interact on twitter, its got to be even better in person yall

 

   > i love spidey @spiderfan

      what we gonna call the ship you ghouls

 

      >> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

           spider-b? b-man? those both sound stupid lmao

 

         >>> #1 spiderman fan! @ilovespiderman

                 what about spiderintern?

 

            >>>> i love spidey @spiderfan

                      youre a genius! why arent we friends already lol

 

-

 

Trending

 

#spiderintern

 

#spiderman

 

#tonystarksintern 

 

#kidfromtennessee

 

-

 

messages- technically youre dead > wheres my sandwhich 

 

technically youre dead:

hey uh is there any chance i could come stay with you for a bit?

 

wheres my sandwhich:

Sure kid, you know you're always welcome. You doing ok?

 

technically youre dead:

just had a bit of a fight with my mom

no big deal

 

wheres my sandwhich:

If it weren't a big deal you wouldn't ask for help.

 

technically youre dead:

dont worry abt it

so you can get me a plane ticket or smth right?

 

wheres my sandwhich:

I'll send Happy in the jet, but he's on a trip with Pep and won't get back for about a week. You'll be ok until then, right?

 

technically youre dead:

yeah

 

wheres my sandwhich:

Oh fuck, I've got to go kid, Happy will send you the details. See you soon.

 

-

 

Natasha Romanoff.

Natasha Romanoff was sitting on the couch in the lounge.

She definitely knew he was there. He had only taken two steps out of the elevator when he saw her, and the elevator was in clear view of the couch.

She looked up, studying him.

Peter looked back.

"FRIDAY? Could you call dad down here? Tell him it's an emergency."

The look on Natasha's face subtly shifted, but Peter's enhanced eyesight caught it, and he silently cursed himself out for calling Tony dad in front of her.

They stayed quiet, just watching eachother until Tony arrived.

"What's wrong kid? Are you hurt!?" shouted Tony, barreling out of the elevator toward Peter, not noticing Natasha.

Peter nodded toward her, still sat on the couch, though now slightly more tense.

Tony stood up straight, taking in the sight of her. She had blonde hair now, cut just below her chin. She was wearing black sweatpants and a red hoodie. She was vaguely thinner than when he had last seen her, but overall she seemed healthy.

"Natasha. Where have you been?"

She sat up straighter in the chair, and even Tony could see the guilt in her face when she said, "Taking care of unfinished business."

Tony sighed, walking over and sitting on the adjacent loveseat, "You doing ok?"

"Yes. Great now that I'm home," she replied.

"And 'unfinished business'?" he questioned, rubbing a hand down his face wearily.

Natasha nodded her head, "Taken care of."

Looking back over at Peter, who still stood by the elevator, she asked, "You going to sit, Spiderman?"

"Uh, um- oh, yeah, sure," said Peter, stumbling over his feet as he hurried over to sit next to Tony on the loveseat.

Tony sent Natasha an inquisitive look.

"I'm a spy, Stark. Obviously I know how to read body language. He was ready to fight me if he had to. Plus, the oversized hoodie doesn't quite hide the muscles," she explained, smirking the tiniest bit, "That doesn't really explain the father/son thing though."

Tony leaned back into the pillows, "Fair enough. Don't even know why I bother keeping secrets from you. I should know better by now. Nat, this is Peter. Peter, Nat. Peter's my intern. And also Spiderman. And also basically my son."

"Nice to meet you little spider. I've seen videos of you. Very talented for someone who's obviously not had any training," said Natasha, nodding approvingly.

Peter blushed, "I uh, I do my best."

"We should spar some time if you're up for it. I could show you some moves. Weird hand-made spider webs aren't always going to save you," she said, a hint of a grin on her face.

Peter brightened, looking over at Tony for confirmation. When Tony nodded, he gave Natasha a quiet, "That sounds nice. Thanks Ms. Romanoff."

"Of course Peter," she said, "And call me Natasha."

Peter agreed, and concluded the conversation by saying, "Anyways, I've got work to do, so I'll be on my way. You coming down to the lab, dad?"

"Yeah, kid, let's go."

Peter was already back in the elevator, and Tony a few steps away when Natasha called out to him.

"Tony? I'm sorry."

Tony looked at her, examining her face, and the obvious guilt and regret in her eyes.

"I know."

Chapter Text

Having Natasha in the tower had been odd at first. 

 

She was quiet and reserved, Peter would just walk into a room and she’d be there. It was weird.

 

Eventually, Peter got used to it. He would greet her when he entered a room, instead of staying in awkward silence. He would invite her to watch whatever stupid show he was watching at the time. In return, she would make enough food for both of them when she cooked, and occasionally she would take him down to the gym with her and teach him some new moves.

 

Now here they were, chatting when they watched movies or sparred, and helping each other out  with homework or cleaning or whatever problem had made Tony mad. Stupid how close they’d gotten in only a couple of days, really. 

 

Especially since they had gotten close enough for Natasha to immediately make a twitter account when Peter asked.

 

-

 

Natasha Romanoff @theblackwidow

[vid- Tony in the kitchen, mumbling to himself. He’s awfully wobbly and the bags under his eyes were definitely not Gucci. He has a pot of coffee in one hand and a sandwich in the other. Then, he tries to ‘pour’ his sandwich into the mug on the counter and brings the pot to his mouth and bites into it. Surprised, he drops the pot and it shatters on the floor, getting glass and coffee all over him and the floor. “FUCK!”]

 

   > intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

      tasha i just want you to know that i respect you so much

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy  

      lmaoo he's such a wreck

 

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

       I don't think I want you to live in the tower anymore

 

   > potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage

      mood tbh

 

   > Pepper Potts ✅ @CEOPepperPotts

      Anthony Edward Stark. You said you would take care of yourself while I was gone. 

 

      >> Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

           Oops?

 

         >>> Pepper Potts ✅ @CEOPepperPotts 

                Go to sleep right now or so help me God I will let the R&D Department go ahead with that new feature on the Stark Phone that you hated.

 

            >>>> Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

                      I'm going to bed right now, thank you darling love of my life, I love you so much, and appreciate everything you do!

 

-

 

intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

spidey getting absolutely creamed

[vid- Natasha Romanoff and Spiderman sparring on a mat in the gym. Then Nat flips him over her head and slams him into the mat. A groan is heard before the video cuts off]

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy

      bet you'd like that, huh b?

   

      >> i love spidey @spiderfan

           👀

 

         >>> #1 spiderman fan! @ilovespiderman

                oh my god charlie lmaoo

 

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

       Why does nobody listen to me when I tell them to be careful with the kid!? You better not hurt him @theblackwidow

 

      >> Natasha Romanoff ✅ @theblackwidow

           no promises

 

         >>> Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

                well fuck you too then

 

 -

 

Harley stepped out of the car feeling good.

He had wind in his hair, a backpack and a duffel bag full of as many of his things he could fit, and enough space to breath.

He nodded his thanks at Happy and grabbed his bags before making his way into the elevator.

Resting his head against the wall as the elevator took him upstairs, he sighed. He might have gotten away from his mother, but now he'd have to deal with Tony's annoying questions and unending concern.

Maybe if he just shrugged off his probing he would get the idea and leave him alone? Unlikely, but a guy could dream.

The elevator opened, and Harley stepped out, looking around. He'd been to the tower a few times before to visit Tony, but the last time had been a few years ago. 

Speak of the devil, there he was, sat at the table working on something on his Stark Tablet while simultaneously eating pasta.

"Hey Tony," he said, throwing his bags onto the table.

Tony looked up, a fork halfway to his mouth, "Hey kid. You have a good flight?"

"Nah, Happy likes to mess with me so he kept going side to side and dropping suddenly. Bit of a bastard to be honest," he answered, going to the fridge to pull out a Pepsi.

"Yeah, that sounds like him," Tony laughed, "Anyways, how are you? You said it was a fight with-"

Tony was abruptly cut off when a boy, who Harley assumed was Peter, bounced into the room.

And oh. 

Oh fuck. 

What the fuck.

He was. Wow. He was absolutely adorable.  

His hair looked soft and curly, and he was almost drowning in a hoodie that was at least 3 sizes too big. He had paint smudged on his hands and smeared on his cheek. He was smiling brightly and god it lit up the fucking room.

Fuck.

"Hi, I'm Peter, Tony's intern!" he said, grinning over at him and sticking his hand out.

Harley breathed deeply, stepping forward to shake his hand.

"I'm Harley," he said, scrambling for a conversation topic for a moment before deciding and saying, "So you into engineering then or what do you do around here?"

"Yeah! Engineering and mechanics for sure, but I also love biology and chemistry!" Peter exclaimed, lips still stretched in a blinding smile.

Harley nodded, searching his brain frantically for a response. Fuck he was so cute.

Thankfully, Tony spoke before he could, saying "Alright, let's head down to the lab children, I've got a project for you guys to work on while I fix up my suit."

 

-

 

Working with Peter was nice. He definitely knew what he was doing, so it wasn't like one of those awful group projects where Harley ended up doing all the work. Peter was absolutely as smart as Tony had said, and also really funny and super sweet.

Harley didn't know how he had hated him before. Surely it was impossible to hate Peter. He was too adorable.

It was too bad he had a boyfriend.

Harley had seen the interactions on twitter. As much as he hated to admit it, he was a bit of a fanboy, and Spiderman was definitely someone to fanboy over. So yeah, he followed Spiderman and saw all of his and Peter's tweets.

They were definitely dating.

And there was no way they would break up either, because Peter was perfect, no one would dump him, and Spiderman was, well, Spiderman.

Fuck.

 

-

 

group chat- losers + mj

 

loser #1:

guys

im fucked 

 

loser #2:

why lol

 

loser #1:

harley is hot

like rip my clothes off and fuck me right now hot

 

not a loser:

wow you are fucked lmao

 

loser #1:

what am i supposed to do?

 

not a loser:

ask him out dipshit

 

loser #1:

but dad already didnt want us hanging out

what if he hates me for dating harley

he has known harley longer

 

loser #2:

i mean you could just ask him about it

 

loser #1:

yeah but why do that when i could just as easily stress over it until i die of anxiety??

 

not a loser:

have fun with that

 

-

 

 potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage

back in the lab

[pic- a messy workspace in an obviously large lab. There are tools and papers spread across every surface. Tony is across the lab from him, intently fiddling with something mechanical, but he has a hand in the air with a thumb up. Closer to the camera is the arm of another person, dark blue hoodie sleeve and a thumbs up visible.]

 

   > intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

      oh shit i think i blinked, can we take it again?

 

      >> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

           ha ha, very funny b. make another joke like that and ill asphyxiate and die for sure

 

   > #1 spiderman fan! @ilovespiderman

      aw look at b's huge hoodie sleeve all rolled up

 

      >> i love spidey @spiderfan 

           yeah he's fucking adorable, no wonder spidey likes him 

 

   > spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

      cant believe you didnt invite me

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

           youre just jealous i met the new guy without you, you big baby

 

         >>> spider guy  ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

                maybe so

 

            >>>> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

                      👀 protective spidey?? we stan

 

   > froggy @froggyboi 

      lmao starks face looks so stupid

Chapter Text

When Peter left, the tower was definitely gloomier. It was just Harley and Tony now, working on seperate things a few tables away from eachother.

Harley missed the blinding smile and bright laughter and excited ramblings and fuck. He needs to cool it or he'll ruin everything.

Speaking of ruining everything, Harley cursed as he stabbed himself with a metal wire, starting to drip blood on the table.

"You ok over there kid?" asked Tony, looking up from his work.

Harley nodded, grabbing a bandaid from the first aid kit, "Yeah I'm alright." 

Tony falters for a moment before asking, "Are you sure? What happened?"

Harley knew he wasn't talking about the minor injury. He was asking about his mom. Harley knew it was coming and yet still he internally groaned, rolling his eyes and hating his life in that moment.

"My mom and I just have differing opinions is all," he stated vaguely, optimistically hoping that Tony would let it go.

"Differing opinions don't generally make a child run away from home. How long are you staying, kid? Do you ever plan on going back?" Tony asked, putting down his tools and stepping closer.

Harley sighed. Of course he wasn't going to let it go.

"I really don't want to get into it right now, ok Tony? Give me a break, please?" pleaded Harley, giving Tony is best puppy dog eyes.

Maybe it was the desperation in his voice, or maybe the puppy dog eyes actually worked, either way, Tony sighed and went back to work.

Harley pinched his skin with his fingernails nervously. He was not going to be able to keep this up much longer. Eventually Tony would demand to know.

Fuck.

 

-

 

spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner

[poll- would my high metabolism and healing factor let me drink bleach and still be ok or would I die?

23% do it pussy youll be fine

77% oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead]

 

   > i love spidey @spiderfan

      OH MY GOD SPIDEY DONT DO IT

 

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

      I fucking dare you kid

 

> avengers assemble  @avengemedaddy 

      god i wish i could drink bleach

 

      >> isabella @tstarkfan

           mood

 

   > #1 spiderman fan! @ilovespiderman

      @tonystarksintern come get your mans

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

           @friendlywebspinner can i have some too

 

         >>> #1 spiderman fan! @ilovespiderman

                B NO

 

   > tyler @talltylerfrombiology

      tell me this doesnt scream gen z i dare you

   

      >> mr. penguin @justagaypenguin

           we really have a child protecting new york, huh?

 

-

 

avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

how old do you guys think spidey actually is??

 

   > #1 spiderman fan! @ilovespiderman

      well we know he has to be on the younger side but like,,, how young?

 

   >> i love spidey @spiderfan 

           i mean,, he could be in college?

 

   >>> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

             yeah,, or,,, he could be in highschool

 

   >>>> i love spidey @spiderfan 

               nooo i dont want to think abt it :(

 

   >>>>> #1 spiderman fan @ilovespiderman 

                  charlie how dare you make holly sad

 

   >>>>>> i love spidey @spiderfan 

                aw ily sammy :')

 

   >>>>>>> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

                  IM SORRY PLS FORGIVE ME HOLLY AND SAM I LOVE YOU GUYS

 

-

 

CNN Breaking News ✅ @cnnbrk

> Tony Stark is reported as Saying the New Accords are Almost Finished<

 

   > webhead @fyeahspiderman

      BITCH I-

 

   > giant green ogre @shrek

       oh my fuckin gooooood

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

      ok but like?? the rogues are literally war criminals, are they just gonna come back with no consequences?

 

      >> #1 spiderman fan @ilovespiderman

           i mean t starks been working real hard on this, do you think he would actually let the gov put the rogues in jail or smth?

 

         >>> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

                 fair enough

 

-

 

Tony jumped when Natasha put her hand on his shoulder.

"Where did you come from? God," he sighed, rubbing a hand down his face.

Natasha bit the inside of her lip, and took a deep breath before asking, "Are you ok?"

Tony rolled his eyes, "Just peachy Nat."

Natasha raised her eyebrows at him, shoving his things off of the lab table so that she could sit on it, "Tony you've only just started trusting me again. Are you really just going to be able to welcome them back with open arms?"

"I-I trusted you before," he said, faltering slightly, glaring at the tools in a heap on the floor.

She raised her eyebrows at him again.

"Well I trust you now! I worked hard on that!" he said defensively.

Natasha nodded, "I know bub. You're doing really great. You're in such a good place right now with Peter and Harley and Pepper. I just don't want them to make it worse."

"You didn't seem to mind the last time when you ditched me for them," he said, rolling his eyes again.

Natasha shoved him out of his chair, "You know I had to let them go. If we had captured them they would have been sent to the raft and we both know Rogers wouldn't have let them take Barnes. He would have broken them all out and fought big time. It would have made everything worse."

"Ow," groaned Tony, climbing back onto his chair, "God why does he have to be so damn stubborn?"

"Hm sounds like somebody else I know," she said teasingly.

Tony glared at her, "Shut it Nat."

Natasha waved him off, "So really though, what's the plan?"

"They're gonna stay at the compound. I'll stay here in the tower," he said, leaning back in his chair defeated.

"What about trainings? You'll have to go for a group training at least once a week.  And what about Peter? Will you introduce them? If you do, will it be as Spiderman or as your son? What ab-"

"Ok Ok! God Nat. It's too early for this," he said, standing up to go get another mug of coffee, "Ill go to the trainings, I think I can stand one day a week of seeing them. I don't know if I'll introduce Peter yet, and anyways he's not even my son!"

Natasha raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh my god, get out, I have work to do," he groaned.

"Fine," she said, gracefully slipping off of the table, "Just know that I'm here if you need help with anything dumbass."

Tony rolled his eyes, shooing her out of the lab, but there was an unmistakable grin on his face when he said, "Thanks Nat."




Chapter Text

"Fuck! Karen how many of these guys are there!?" exclaimed Peter, punching a guy wearing a ski mask in the face before ducking out of the way of someone else's fist.

"There appears to be 7, Peter."

Shooting a web at a nearby lamppost, he swings away from a bullet headed straight for him. Then, he tethered the end of one strand to the post and webbed one of the guys up by his feet so he was hanging upside down.

Quickly he webbed the gun out of one of the guy's hands, sending it flying away and sticking to the side of an apartment building nearby with a quick, "Yoink!"

Getting back into the fight, he swipes the feet out from under one of them, catching his gun and throwing into the air so that he can shoot another guy in the face with webbing, and kick another in the gut, than swiftly catching the gun when it falls back into his hands, "I'll be taking this!"

Swinging up again, he threw the gun on top of a building to deal with later, then swung back down and rammed his feet straight into someone's face. 

"Yikes, that'll be a nasty bruise, sorry man," Peter winced, only to attach the guys face to a web and slam his head down into the side of a dumpster, sticking it there.

Ducking out of the way, he catches a fist aimed for the back of his head and twisting the arm back, before gasping and saying, "What's that!?"

Stupidly, the man turns around in the direction Peter pointed, twisting his arm even further behind himself.

"Man I can't believe you fell for that!" said Peter, kneeing him in the back and then webbing him to the floor.

Karen interrupted him in the midst of swinging two of the guys heads together until they were tied together 'kissing' eachother, "Incoming call from Harley."

"Fuck," muttered Peter breathlessly, spinning around to kick a guy into the side of a brick wall and quickly webbing him there, "Answer it please."

"Hey Peter!" came Harley's cheery voice.

Peter shot a web and swung up into the air, replying, "Hey!"

Dropping down, he landed on the last guys shoulders, making him crumple to the ground, groaning.

"Are you ok? You sound kind of out of breath," asked Harley, voice noticeably concerned even through the phone.

"I'm fine! I was just running to catch the subway," he explained, laughing it off, while wrapping the guy up in web and tying it off with a cute little bow.

"Ok sure," chuckled Harley, "Anyways, I just wanted to know if you wanted to join me and Tony in the lab? I'm working on something fuckin awesome."

Peter grinned, bouncing in his excitement, "Yeah I'm actually on my way over now!"

"Really?" asked Harley brightly, "Great! See you soon!"

"Yep! Bye!" 

Glancing back behind him at the mess of webs and tied up bad guys he rolled his eyes and let out a dramatic sigh. He better clean this up quick.

 

-

 

intern guy ✅@tonystarksintern 

@ironmaninmygarage (aka potato gun kid) lives up to his name 

[pic- a monstrosity of a potato gun, like honestly what the fuck kind of potato gun is this]

 

   > potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

       well i try

 

      >> get me a book @readingisthenewcool

           ok but who are you?? where did you come from?? how do you know stark?? im so lost

 

         >>> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

                 tony broke into my garage and i threatened him with a potato gun and now im staying w him

 

         >>>> katie @gof_ckyourself

                  um wtf

 

-

 

group chat- losers + mj

 

loser #1:

guys,,,,

 

not a loser:

oh lord what did you do this time

 

loser #1:

harley invited me to work on a special high powered potato gun and he was too cute i got so flustered that i tripped over dum-e and literally FELL ON TOP OF HIM

 

loser #2:

lmaoo

youre such a wreck

 

loser #1:

i was so close to his face

he has freckles guys

all over his nose and cheeks

 

not a loser:

im already drawing this

 

loser #1:

i hate you

 

not a loser:

i hate you too

 

-

 

Tony had been acting... off lately.

It was getting kind of concerning. One minute he's dying of laughter at their stupid high tech potato gun and the next he's staring off into space with a sad look on his face.

Peter knew that it was probably because the rogue avengers would most likely be coming back soon, but he didn't know what he could do to help.

When he asked Harley about it, he hadn't known either. They were both worried, though, so they were going to try to cheer him up. For having just met, they were pretty good at working together.

The first item on the list was a big family dinner.

They invited everyone Tony was close to, ordered food (because neither of them thought cooking was a very good idea), and even cleaned up the penthouse. 

So far everything was going good. So of course that was going to change.

When Aunt May walked out of the elevator, Natasha took one look at her and immediately went to introduce herself.

Which, ok, odd , but whatever.

And then Natasha kissed her hand and said, "Peter never mentioned that you were more gorgeous than the Mona Lisa."

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Harley waved a hand in front of Peter's face, "You ok darlin'?"

Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

Harley just called me darling in his cute little southern accent and Tasha is totally hitting on Aunt May and I just spilled water all over myself, didn't I? Fuck.

Finally snapping out of it, Peter looked down at his now soaked hoodie.

"Uh."

Blocking out the whole Natasha and May thing (who were definitely flirting over there), because he could not deal with that right now, Peter slid his cup onto the counter beside him and pulled his hoodie up over his head.

When he looked up again, Harley was slightly flushed, cheeks tinted pink under those cute little freckles that he loved.

Fuck, he was so cute. 

Uh, what was he doing? Oh yeah. Yeah. Family dinner for Tony. He had to go get Tony. Yep.

"I'm gonna go get dad, bye!" he said, speeding out of the room.

What the fuck had his life come to?



Chapter Text

Ever since Peter had found out for sure that the rogue avengers would be coming back, he'd completely ignored the problem. If he refused to acknowledge that it existed, then really there was nothing for him to freak out over. 

It had been around a week and he had been going out as Spiderman as much as possible and ignoring anything having to do with real life. 

So far it had worked. He was kept busy, effectively distracting him from his worries, and he was lowering crime rates in the city. It was a win-win situation really.

Unfortunately, there was only so long that could last. It was Friday night, and like the rest of the week, Peter had gone out patrolling as soon as he got home from school. Only an hour in though, he swung out of the way of a bird, accidentally smacking into a billboard, and then falling to the ground of an alleyway on top of a metal rod, which penetrated his abdomen.

So maybe the 'throw yourself into Spiderman' mentality wasn't a win-win situation.

Anyway, like the reckless little shit he was, he tried to pull the metal out himself instead of calling for help. 

This was mistake number two.

In trying to pull it out, he accidentally shifted it so that the hole in his stomach gaped even larger. When it was finally out of him completely, he realized that now that there wasn't something plugging the hole, it was bleeding much more profusely.

Shit .

"Karen uhh Ka-Karen, you should um probably call Mr.- Mr. dad," he murmured, getting dizzy and tired from the blood loss.

"Wise choice Peter," came her cheerful voice, "Calling Tony Stark."

A only took a moment before he picked up, but to Peter it seemed like ages.

"Hey kiddo, what's up?"

"Uhhh I'm bleeding a lot," he slurred, on the verge of passing out.

"What!?" exclaimed Tony, "What happened? How bad is it?"

Peter could hear commotion in the background which sounded an awful lot like tools clanging onto a desk and then a suit being activated.

"I'm uhh I'm in an alley," he replied.

"That answers neither of my questions! FRIDAY connect to Karen, find out what's wrong with him!"

Now there was the sound of thrusters in the background.

"I'm gonna- I'm gonna go to sleep," Peter stammered, comforted by the fact that Tony was on his way. 

"No! Don't go to sleep Peter! I'm almost there buddy! It'll be ok!" shouted Tony, startled and concerned.

But it was too late. Peter was no longer conscious.

 

-

 

Fortunately for them, Bruce and Thor were in town too greet the Avengers that were meant to arrive in a few days. Unfortunately for them, Bruce and Thor still had no idea that Peter was Spiderman.

"What the fuck Tony!?"

"He got hurt! I can't take him to a regular doctor because he's not regular and Cho is out of town so she can't help!" exclaimed Tony, freaking out about his kind-of son.

"Fuck! Shit! Uhhh Thor go collect as much stuff as you can from the infirmary! Literally everything. Tony keep pressure on the wound! Fuck! How old is he!?" commanded Bruce, frantically going through drawers in the lab to find something.

"Uh 16! He's got fast healing usually but it doesn't seem to be helping much!" said Tony, pressing down onto the gaping hole in Peter's stomach as hard as he could.

"No shit Tony!" screamed Bruce, "What else? Tell me as much about his powers as you can!"

"Uh he's got a super fast metabolism so he eats a fuck ton, he heals fast, he's sticky, he's strong and fast, enhanced senses, uhh he sits on the ceiling sometimes, uh, uh, he's got like a sixth sense that warns him of danger!" rattled off Tony, trying his best to remember information in his incredibly anxious state.

"Fuck!"

 

-

 

When Peter woke up his whole body ached. He shifted slightly, letting out a groan at the pain. What the fuck happened?

"Peter? Hey, are you awake?"

Peter opened his eyes. He was in his bedroom at the tower. There were machines he assumed were meant to monitor his vitals, and Pepper Potts was standing next to his bed, watching him worriedly.

"What happened?" he asked.

Pepper licked her lips and pulled a chair closer to the bed to sit in, "You were hurt. Tony and Bruce are in the lab trying to modify some painkillers and antibiotics so that they'll help with the pain and healing."

"Oh."

Pepper leaned closer again, "Should I go get Tony for you? I tried to call May but she just got on her plane to go to that retreat so she didn't answer her phone."

Peter shook his head and whimpered, "How much longer do you think they'll be?" 

"I don't know baby, I'm sorry," she said, looking very worried, "Do you need anything else?"

"No," said Peter, biting his lip, "Uh. Do you think you- could you um lay with me?"

"Of course baby," she said rushing to stand up and go around to the other side of the bed, carefully laying down so that she didn't move him too much.

Once she was settled, Peter cautiously scooted over and laid his head on her shoulder.

Pepper smiled, bringing up a hand to run her fingers through his hair, "You ok? Comfy?"

"Yeah," Peter nodded into her shoulder, "Thanks mom."

Pepper subtly let out her breath, suddenly getting choked up. 

She knew he referred to Tony as 'dad' but she didn't know that her and Peter were there yet. Guess they were.

"Try to go back to sleep baby. I'll be right here, " she murmured, kissing his forehead.

"Ok," he whispered, "I love you."

Pepper blinked the tears out of her eyes, "I love you too."

 

-

 

"So when were you going to tell me that Spiderman was a literal child?" asked Bruce, finally transferring the finished meds to a tray to take up to Peter.

Tony groaned and rubbed his eyes, "When he was ready I guess. It's not my secret identity, it's his."

Bruce hummed, grabbing the tray and walking to the door, "You take good care of him. I can tell you really care for him."

"Yeah. He's like my kid, you know?" said Tony, following him out the lab and to the elevator.

Bruce nodded.

"Are you going to tell the others? They'll want to meet Spiderman when they get back," he said, glancing at Tony to try and read his expressions.

Tony just rolled his eyes and shrugged, "I don't know yet. I'll talk to Peter before they get here and see what he wants to do."

"What about Harley? Does he know?" asked Bruce.

"No," Tony shook his head, "We should probably come up with an excuse for why Peter got hurt actually."

 

-

 

potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage

i will personally fight all muggers that have ever existed so square the fuck up bitches

 

   > intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

      :')

 

      >> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

           youre just too cute to mug

 

         >>> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

                i know *hair flip*

Chapter Text

intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

queen pepper potts out here being a boss ass bitch running a whole company and bullying a grown man into semi healthy routines and she still has time to kiss me softly on the forehead when i leave her office

 

> christie @crybabychristie

      aww this is so soft i cry

 

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

      I stan a legend

 

      >> Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

            Did I do it right kid?

 

         >>> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

                i have never been prouder of you mr stark 

 

            >>>> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

                      i will make 1 exception to my no young ppl speak rule solely because pepper is a legend and it needs to be said

 

   > mj @clichearthoe 

      i just love her so much

 

-

 

i love spidey @spiderfan 

@friendlywebspinner did you really just call doc ock a little bitch while fighting him???

 

   > #1 spiderman fan @ilovespiderman 

      oh my god did he actually

 

      >> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

           we stan harder than ever tbh

 

   > spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

     in my defense, he was being a little bitch

 

      >> i love spidey @spiderfan 

          spidey i just want you to know that you are so iconic and i love you

 

         >>> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

                 aw ilyt!!

 

   > Tony Stark ✅ @iamironman 

       Really kid?

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

           give him a break mr stark, you'd be annoyed too if you had to fight a little bitch every week

 

         >>> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

                thank you, b. at least SOMEONE appreciates me

 

         >>>> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

                   👀 #spiderintern??

 

         >>>>> i love spidey @spiderfan 

                     protective b? I STAN

 

-

 

CNN Breaking News ✅ @cnnbrk

>Rogue Avengers Confirmed to return to New York after Passing of the New Accords<

 

   > im a bitch @bitchboy

      oh my god can yall just take a break i need to chill for a second

 

   > sue @suemebitch

      goddamn

 

   > ;););););) @loveablelesbian

      is this actually a good idea?

 

   > lacy @laughylacy 

      OH MY GOD THEYRE ALL GETTING BACK TOGETHER

 

   >#1 spiderman  fan @ilovespiderman 

     i rlly cant believe this like arent they literally terrorists

 

      >> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

      uhh idk actually. but like they were avengers and the government is welcoming them back so like surely they arent a danger or whatever

 

         >>> i love spidey @spiderfan 

           lets just hope for the best guys! its not like we can do anything about it anyways lol

 

-

 

spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

tips for meeting me

  1. dont crime
  2. seriously don't commit a crime just to meet me
  3. what the fuck

 

   > mj @clichearthoe 

      lmao

 

   > :):):) @avababy

      youre kidding me right?

 

   > @froggyboi

      ok but how else are we supposed to meet you???

 

      >> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

           idk but definitely not doing illegal things???

 

        >>> @froggyboi

               do a meetup then bitch boy

 

         >>>> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

                   well fuck lmao maybe i should

 

   > potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

      omg is doc ock rlly just a fanboy?

 

      >> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

           didnt seem like it when he was beating me up but idk man

 

      >>> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

             yeah, i shoulda guessed that, youre not rlly much to fanboy over anyways 

 

      >>>> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

                damn ok then lmao

 

     >>>>> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

                im just sayin, ive seen b's abs and im 90% sure hes more ripped than you

 

      >>>>>> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

                    youre deluded, ive definitely seen b's abs more than you have, and while they are impressive considering he's a major nerd and spends most of the day hunched over a desk, they are nowhere near the same level as mine. just sayin.

 

      >>>>>>> i love spidey @spiderfan 

                      oh my goooood

 

      >>>>>>>> #1 spiderman fan @ilovespiderman 

                        theres just so much going on here oml pgk low key dissing sm? b is apparently ripped??? sm has seen b's abs many times???? and he kind of complimented them?????? my brain cannot keep up

 

      >>>>>>>>> avengers assemble @avengemed...

                          god tier content tbh

 

-

 

spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

so uhh i guess im doing a meet up? outside stark tower from 9-12 tomorrow! that means no more stealing just to get my attention. you know who you are 👀

 

   > mr. penguin @justagaypenguin

      i cant breath

 

   > giant green ogre @shrek

     oh my fuck

 

   > i love spidey @spiderfan 

      ahhh @avengemedaddy @ilovespiderman we should all meet there!!! i cannot believe we've been friends this long and i still havent even seen you guys in person!!!

 

      >> #1 spiderman fan @ilovespiderman 

           oh my god holly i love you ahhh yes!

 

         >>> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

                lets all meet around the corner at that starbucks at 8? then we can get drinks and walk over together?

 

         >>>> #1 spiderman fan @ilovespiderman 

                   yep, that works for me!

 

         >>>>> i love spidey @spiderfan 

                     yes!! im so excited!!!

 

-

 

spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

thank you so much to everyone who came out to meet me today! it makes me so happy that so many people are that supportive and passionate abt me :')

 

   > spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

      ive really never felt quite as loved and appreciated as i do right now tbh and i have all of you to thank for that ♡



Chapter Text

“Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.”

Tony had been anxiously running around “fixing things” and “preparing” for the arrival of the rest of the avengers for around three hours now, consistantly muttering curses under his breath. Peter (dressed as himself because he decided against telling the avengers about Spiderman), Harley, and Natasha, on the other hand, had been sitting on the couch watching Tony’s descent into madness and showing eachother memes on their phones. 

“Tony I cannot take this anymore. Sit your ass down before you wear holes in the carpet from your pacing,” Natasha said, leaning over to show Peter a picture of a cute puppy, “That’s you.”

“Hey! I am not a puppy!” he protested.

Sighing, Tony walked over to them and leaned over the back of the couch to see the picture.

“Wow Pete, that looks just like you,” he teased, ruffling Peter’s hair.

Peter grumbled, slumping down and crossing his arms, trying to hide the whimper of pain when he jostled his still-healing wound.

Harley aww’d at his cuteness, adding “Sorry Peter, but I have to agree. You’re an adorable little puppy.”

Peter wanted to be mad but Harley had just called him adorable so that was impossible.

“When is everyone getting here anyways?” asked Natasha, getting back to the serious conversation.

Tony looked at his watch and groaned, “Literally any minute now.”

“Hey, at least Dr. Banner and Thor and Rhodey are all gonna be here too," Harley pointed out, adding jokingly, "So it won't be just people who've betrayed you."

Before the conversation could go any further, FRIDAY interrupted, saying, "Boss, the avengers have arrived."

Because of course they had.

Tony quickly straightened himself and took a deep breath, walking over to the elevator to go and greet them. The rest of the group hurriedly got to their feet and followed.

Peter glanced over at Tony, concerned. There was no way he was as fine as he kept saying he was. Peter himself wasn’t fine for Christ’s sake, but he knew that Tony needed him, so he balled up those feelings and shoved them down as deep as he could. Goddamn, why can they never catch a break?

Biting his lip, Peter quickly glanced over Tony’s shoulder to the elevator when it opened. Fuck. His heart pounded in his chest when he saw Steve Rogers walk through the door, followed closely by Bucky Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, and Sam Wilson.

Ok, fuck, maybe shoving his feelings down wasn’t the best idea. He kind of felt like he was going to puke. 

He took a deep breath. This is fine. It’s fine. He can do this. All he has to do is keep up the act for a little bit and then he can escape to his room and sob like a little baby all he wants. It’s fine.

Tony held out his hand to shake Steve’s and Peter saw the subtle tremor he tried to hide. He had to keep it together for Tony. He could do this.

Steve nodded his head in greeting, firmly shaking his hand. The whole room was tense, everyone waiting with bated breath to see if this would actually go well or not. 

Thankfully the tension was cut slightly by Bruce, Thor, and Rhodey entering the room. They had all been out to lunch together to catch up.

“Hello friends!” shouted Thor, quickly going in to hug Steve and then Tony and Natasha. Everyone let out the breaths that they were holding, cautiously taking steps forward to greet Thor and Bruce, having not thrown cars at them or beat them up.

Natasha, Rhodey, and Vision (who had appeared out of nowhere), also greeted their old friends, shaking hands and giving hugs despite having fought them to the death not long ago. Peter and Harley stayed behind, watching the ‘rogue avengers’ say hello to the non-war criminal avengers. 

Tony warily stepped forward, “Welcome back,” he said clasping his hands together and breathing in deeply, “FRIDAY can show you to your rooms, everything else should still be the same. There’s pizza in the kitchen for dinner.”

Peter shoved his hands in his pockets to hide the shaking, debating whether to introduce himself or not. Natasha solved that problem, gesturing to Harley and Peter, saying, “These are Tony’s interns.”

“Mess with Tony and I will steal the left shoe from every single pair you own,” Harley said cheerfully, shaking Steve’s hand and then moving on to greet the rest of them. 

Tony whacked him on the back of the head lightly, rolling his eyes.

Peter waved, the sinking feeling in his stomach progressively growing worse. 

He needed to get out of here. He quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket, as if he got a phone call, and left, slamming the door to his room and sliding down onto the floor.

Fuck.

This was so stupid. He knew he was being a baby about this, but he couldn't help it. Steve Rogers had dropped an airport hangar on him, and left his dad to die in fucking Siberia. He was supposed to be the pinnacle of loyalty and patriotism and yet he had betrayed his friends and his country.

How was he going to feel safe in his own bedroom when 'Captain America' slept a few doors down? How was he supposed to just go on with life knowing that that man had just waltzed back in and become friends with his dad again with no repercussions?

Fucking Hell.

Peter took a deep breath. 

Ok. He could do this. This is fine. Tony needs him.

He took a deep breath and stood up, wiping his face. He didn't know when he had started crying but somehow there were tears dripping down his cheeks. He went into the bathroom to splash some water on his face, and when he was certain that it didn't look like he'd just had a panic attack, he finally went back down to the lounge.

Biting his lip, he looked around at all of the people spread around the room. Wanda and Vision were in the corner talking in hushed voices, with Rhodey talking to Sam and Bucky on the couch a few feet away. Tony, Natasha, and Steve were in the kitchen, dishing up pizza for everyone while Thor, Bruce, and Harley were sat on the barstools at the island, half having a conversation, and half eavesdropping.

Going with the safest option, Peter joined Thor, Bruce, and Harley.

"What are they talking about?" he asked, trying to catch up on what he had missed while he was gone.

"They both apologized and now they're just working on scheduling stuff. Training and missions and meetings, that sort of thing," answered Harley, "It's pretty boring actually."

"Does Mr. Rogers seem sincere? Do you think he's really sorry?" Peter couldn't help but ask.

Bruce answered this time, leaning over to whisper, "Surprisingly, he really does. He was all wallowy and sad and pathetic when he apologized."

Peter giggled trying to imagine a pathetic Captain America. That was an odd thought, but maybe it was true? Maybe.

"Where's your new recruit?" asked Steve, mixing up some lemonade in a pitcher.

 Tony furrowed his brows, "Who?"

"The spider guy," replied Steve, now grabbing glasses from the cupboard.

"Oh he had a thing today," said Tony, sliding a piece of pizza onto his plate, "You'll meet him some other time. What about you? Where are your missing team members?"

"Scott and Clint both have families that they haven't seen since…" he trailed off, not knowing what to call whatever the fuck had gone down between them.

Tony nodded, "Well it'll be nice to have a full team here instead of just a few people. Makes missions hard," he joked.

 

Overall, the rest of the evening wasn't too bad. Peter avoided Steve, but he didn't have as much of a problem with the rest of the rogues, so eventually he worked up the courage to introduce himself and talk to them. 

There were no fights or awkwardness. It was kind of like the 'civil war' had never happened. Everyone was friendly and happy and fun. It was ridiculously domestic to be fairly honest.

 

-

 

intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

I can already tell that big man mr sam wilson is gonna be so fun to mess with 

 

   > potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

      👀

 

   > Sam Wilson ✅ @thefalcon

      I'm not that old, you little shit, I do have a twitter.

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

      OH MY GOD HE MET THE ROGUE AVENGERS

 

      >> #1 spiderman fan! @ilovespiderman

      oh shit does this mean theyre actually all together now??? damn

 

         >>> i love spidey @spiderfan

                do you think theyll actually be ok? it was a pretty big falling out

 

            >>>> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

                      i hope so. spideys great and everything, but we really need a full team protecting us. 

 

   > spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

      i beat him up once

 

      >> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

           yeah i saw footage of that lmao it was hilarious!

 

         >>> Sam Wilson ✅ @thefalcon

                 i should have stayed in hiding

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

      wait @friendlywebspinner were you there when b met them?

 

      >> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

           nah i have more important things to do then meet some loser that ive already beaten up ;)

 

         >>> potato  gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

                hey i still havent met you, whats up with that?

 

         >>>> spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

                   idk man im a busy guy. ill be around the tower tomorrow to fix a whole in my suit bc i got stabbed again so ill meet you then?

 

          >>>>> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

                      yep, ill be there all day

 

         >>>>>> i love spidey @spiderfan 

                      im sorry, you got stabbed?? AGAIN????

                

Chapter Text

 

Ok, Peter knew that he told Harley to wait for him in the lab so they could finally 'meet' but he didn't mean that he should be doing lab work. Like working on Tony's car. Shirtless.

He was so flustered that he almost tripped on his way through the window, and fuck that would have been embarrassing.

Instead, he embarrassed himself by squeaking out a shaky, "Hi!" that scared Harley so bad he jumped and knocked a bunch of tools off his table.

Quietly cursing himself, Peter turned on his voice modulator and said, "Sorry about that. You ok?"

Harley laughed at himself and replied, "Yeah. You jus' startled me's all. Anyways, it's nice to finally meet you in person, I'm Harley."

Peter swooned. He was so fucking cute.

"Spiderman, uh but you can call me Spidey or Webs or whatever else Tony, and um Peter have been calling me. I think Sticky Boy is up there now," he said, only stumbling over his words slightly.

Harley laughed, "Yeah alright Sticky Boy. Do you need me to get out of here for a bit so you can fix that? Secret identities an' all."

"Yeah that'd be great," Peter smiled, "But uh I was thinking. While I'm here I'm also meant to meet the other avengers, which, ugh, ya know? But if you wanted to help me make it fun, I hear Sam is hilarious to prank."

Harley smirked, "Count me in. Have Friday call me in when you're all finished with this and we can work out the plan."

 

-

 

The plan was fairly easy to work out. They agreed on doing something harmless, yet undeniably irritating- just like them!

After about ten minutes of planning and another ten minutes of creating their weapons of mass inconvenience, they were ready and set off down the hall, walking as quietly as they could.

"You go left, I'll go right," whispered Harley once they'd reached the lounge where the avengers were sitting. Sam was fortunately alone in an armchair, so they each went to one side.

Glancing at Harley to make sure he was ready, Peter (now in a fixed, clean suit) gave the signal, and Sam was quickly covered in a mountain of white. The boys ran around the chair, completely encompassing him as the toilet paper spat out of their tp guns. 

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" exclaimed Sam, ripping through the toilet paper so he could see.

The rest of the avengers in the room burst out laughing as Peter and Harley continued to wrap him up.

Finally, they ran out of ammunition and dropped their arms, giving eachother a quick high-five.

"Oh my god, they're multiplying," muttered Sam when he saw Spiderman and Harley in front of him, "First Spider-shit, then Peter, and now him too? What did I do to deserve this?"

Natasha came over from the bar and threw her arms over the boys shoulders, "Good job boys, I applaud you."

Bucky was still losing his shit, laughing so hard on the couch that he almost fell off.  On the other end of the couch, Steve sat, quietly chuckling.

"I'll get you back you little shits!" threatened Sam, breaking through his toilet paper prison.

Harley laughed, "You can try!"

Still chuckling, Steve hauled himself off the couch and walked closer to Peter.

Peter took a step back.

Steve wasn't deterred, he just took another step closer and stuck out his hand, "Hi, I'm Steve. Captain America."

Fuck.

He hadn't thought this through. He just wanted a little bit of fun. He wasn't planning on running into 'cApTIaN AmErICa'.

Peter warily extended his hand about to shake Steve's, when…

 

Wait. Fuck this shit. 

 

Then, he pulled his arm back and launched it forward, straight into Captain America's perfect nose.

The whole room gasped.

Oh shit. He really just did that. Fuck. He just punched Captain America in the nose. Fuck. Can't back down now.

"That's for betraying my dad and leaving him to fucking die in Siberia."

Steve looked up at him, his hand holding his nose which was dripping blood down his face and onto his white shirt.

"Uhh Friday, maybe you should call Tony up here," muttered Harley.

"Of course," she replied.

Nobody else knew what to say. They just looked on in confusion. Spiderman had just punched Captain America, defending Tony Stark, his 'dad'?

Peter was freaking out. He was so glad he was still wearing his mask, because otherwise the others definitely would have been able to tell that he was on the verge of tears. 

A moment later, the elevator door opened and Tony ran out. 

"Ok uh, what's going on?" he asked, observing the scene carefully.

Peter glanced at him, blinking his eyes and willing the tears to go away, "I'm sorry dad. I couldn't help it. He almost killed you."

Either Tony heard the tremor in his voice or he just really knew his son, because he completely disregarded Steve and his bloody face and instead went to Peter, wrapping his arms around him and bringing him into a hug.

"It's ok kid, you're ok," he murmured, rubbing his hand against the back of his head, "How about Tasha takes you back home and I'll deal with these guys, ok? You need to rest after that stabbing anyways."

Peter nodded against his neck.

"Ok, I'll call you later," Tony said, pulling back from the hug and pushing him towards Natasha.

Natasha put her arm around him and guided him to the elevator. Only when it closed around them did Tony turn back to the rest of the group.

"Uh, sorry about that," he muttered, eyeing Steve's definitely broken nose.

"Don't worry about it. I deserved it," he said wiping some blood away from his lip and chuckling, "Kid throws quite a punch."

Tony laughed weakly, "Yeah, I'm glad you were on the receiving end and not me."

Steve glanced at him cautiously, "So uh, I didn't know you had a son. Never even crossed my mind actually."

What was that supposed to mean? 

Instead of correcting him, Tony crossed his arms, "There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me."

"I didn't mean it in a bad way!" Steve quickly interjected, "You just never seemed the type."

"Yeah well, things change. Anyways, don't hold it against him, ok? It's not his fault," Tony said, turning to go back to the elevator.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll try my best to get on his good side," Steve said, "Uh, I really am sorry Tony."

Tony just nodded, "I know."

With that, he turned and went to the elevator, with Harley barreling after him shouting, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD A SON? HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK? DID YOU FUCK A GIANT SPIDER?"

 

-

 

Ever since Nat and May had met, they'd been kinda-sorta dating.

Which was fucking weird.

True, they were low-key an adorable couple (whilst also being the most intimidating, fear-inducing couple ever), but they came from completely different parts of his life. 

May was the closest thing he had to an actual parent. She was there for parent-teacher conferences and taking care of him when he was sick and teaching him how to dance in the living room.

Natasha was an avenger. She was there for official avengers meetings and helping him out on the battlefield and sparring with him to improve his skills.

Up until this point, Peter's 'avenger life' and his 'real life' hadn't really crossed. Now, he would come home from school and find Natasha Romanoff sitting on his couch in a bathrobe.

So yeah, it was weird.

It wasn't all bad, though. Sure, it scarred him for life that one time he came home from patrol and heard moaning coming from May's room (curse his super-hearing), but May's happiness and Nat's soft adoring looks at her almost made up for it.

Plus, now there were fun moments like this, a good old nail painting gossip sesh. They were nice and comforting, and he definitely needed that after the day he'd had.

"Holy shit Peter," exclaimed Nat as Peter painted her fingernails, "How are you so good at this?"

Peter shrugged, "I don't know. They're just nails."

"He's being modest. He once painted Starry Night on my toes. It was really good," said May, flipping through channels on the tv.

"You should let us do your nails," suggested Nat.

Peter made a face, "I don't know Nat, it would probably be gone after only a day between the lab work and the punching people and everything."

Nat snorted, and then coughed trying to hide it. They'd decided against telling May about what happened.

"Oh come on, can we at least try?" asked May, "Even if only for the experience."

"Yeah I guess," shrugged Peter, putting the brush back into the polish he'd just finished Nat's nails with.

"Anyways," said Nat picking out a dark burgundy color and handing it to May to do Peter's nails, "Bruce and Thor are totally dating."

Peter furrowed his brows, his jaw dropping slightly, "What?"

"I don't know how you don't see it," laughed Nat, "First of all, have you seen the way they look at eachother? They're also like overly touchy. How have you not noticed?"

Peter was stumped, "Huh."

"Well I think they're adorable," May commented.

"Sooo," teased Nat, "Do you like anyone Peter?"

Peter flushed, stammering, "N-no."

May raised a brow at him.

"Ok fine," he admitted, blushing as red as a tomato, "There is this one guy."

Natasha grinned, "It's Harley, isn't it?"

"Nat!" he whined, tearing his hands away from May to hide his face with.

"I knew it!" exclaimed Nat, as May screeched and grabbed Peter's hands back.

Peter groaned.

"You should invite him to go out sometime with you and your friends," suggested May, trying to fix the nails he'd ruined.

"Yeah, he'd probably like them," agreed Nat.

Peter blushed, "Yeah, he would. He's so sweet."

May and Nat grinned at eachother.

 

-

 

spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner 

@tonystarksintern you were right

[vid- Harley and Spiderman jumping out and shooting strands of toilet paper at Sam while he frantically tried to rip it off]

 

   > intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

      cant believe you did it without me :(

 

      >> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

           dont worry b, you and i can do smth next time youre here!

 

         >>> intern guy ✅ @tonystarksintern 

                i already have a plan 😈

 

   > avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

      honestly i was kind of worried abt the rogues coming back, but if this is the kind of content we're gonna get with them, then im down

 

      >> #1 spiderman fan @ilovespiderman 

           this is the content we deserve

 

   > Sam Wilson ✅ @thefalcon 

      There WILL be consequences 👀



Chapter Text

intern guy ✅@tonystarksintern 

of course nat would choose her signature color

[pic- his hand showing off his new dark red stained nails, they were flawless]

 

   > avengers  assemble @avengemedaddy 

      nat as in natasha romanOff aS in tHe BLACK WIDOW??

     

      >> avery @gof_ckyourself 

           honestly love that for him

 

   > i love spidey @spiderfan 

      aww thats adorable :')

 

   > Tony Stark ✅@iamironman 

      Excuse me, red is MY signature color, not Natasha's.

 

      >> Natasha Romanoff ✅@theblackwidow

           keep thinking that bitch boy

 

   > mj @clichearthoe 

     i have literally never been more jealous of you

 

      >> mj @clichearthoe

           think you can set me up? ;)

 

        >>> intern guy ✅@tonystarksintern 

                shes actually dating somebody already! youll never guess who it is lmao, dm me

 

         >>>> #1 spiderman fan @ilovespiderman 

                   NATASHA IS IN A RELATIONSHIP??

 

          >>>>> potato chips @yeeyeeyeeyee

                     all my lesbian dreams are crushed tbh

 

   > slimey toad @toadisbabey

      ok i know this is reaching, but you know who else's signature color is red? spidey 👀

 

      >> chris is it @christinechristerson

            👀👀👀

 

   > matt @matthewww

      ew thats gay

 

      >> intern guy ✅@tonystarksintern 

           it sure is 😘

 

         >>> potato gun kid @ironmaninmygarage 

                i know this is an old meme, but… ok boomer

 

         >>>> Tony Stark ✅@iamironman 

                      I know doxing people is like illegal and stuff, but believe me Mr. Matthew Wilson, if you say anything as gross and homophobic like this again to my intern, or anyone for that matter, I will see to it that the good people of the internet find your address. Try me.

 

         >>>>> avengers assemble @avengemedaddy 

                     wow he rlly said "dont talk to me or my son ever again" huh? love that for him



-

 

“Oh my god would you sit still?” asked Mj, aggravated by Peter’s obnoxious bouncing and tapping and squirming, “You’ve talked to him before and nothing horrible has happened yet, I don’t know why you’re still so nervous.”

 

Peter groaned, “I don’t know why I’m so nervous either! I know he’ll like you guys because you’re both great but I just can’t get this anxiousness out of my head!”

 

“Do you think it could be, ya know, Spider related?” Ned whispered, leaning in close to Peter from across the table.

 

“Fuck, I hope not,” Peter cursed, looking around the small coffee shop as if there would just be Doc Ock sitting at a table sipping a latte or something.

 

Suddenly, MJ and Ned both sat up a little straighter and leaned around Peter to see something behind him.

 

“Is that him?” Ned asked incredulously.

 

“Wow Peter I know you said he was hot and all but damn,” commented Mj.

 

Peter glanced behind him just as Harley walked through the door. He giddily grinned and waved and Harley returned the gesture before motioning to the counter to say he was going to get a drink before joining them.

 

Mj and Ned both ‘sneakily’ snuck glances at him over their shoulders and watched as he spoke to the barista.

 

“What the fuck, you didn’t tell us about the accent Peter!” accused Ned as he looked back at Peter.

 

“Honestly Peter, if you don’t fuck him, I will,” stated Mj, causing both boys to look at her confused.

 

“I thought you were gay,” said Ned, blunt as ever.

 

Mj smirked, “Sexuality is fluid. Especially when there are people that look like that.”

 

Peter gaped at her, “You better fucking not Mj! You know I like-“

 

“Hey! I’m Harley,” he said, showing up suddenly on Peter’s right and taking a seat next to him.

 

Peter blushed, leaning back into his seat and taking a sip of his hot chocolate (Ned and Mj didn’t allow him to drink coffee anymore).

 

“I’m Ned! It’s nice to meet you! Peter talks about- ow!” Ned started enthusiastically, before getting cut off by Peter stomping on his foot.

 

Mj nodded in greeting, “Sup.”

 

From there, the conversation flowed easily and they all became quick friends. Unfortunately, that nagging feeling in the back of Peter’s head from before was swiftly building into an incessant buzzing at the base of his skull and he knew he needed to leave.

 

“Uh, I have to go really quick!” he announced, picking up his stuff and giving Ned and Mj a look, “I’m really sorry to ditch you Harley, but you should stay and hang out with Ned and Mj more!”

 

Harley looked up at him with those cute blue eyes, “You ok sugar?”

 

Peter swooned, “Uh, yep-yes! Yeah, I am, I’m alright! Bye!”

 

With that he rushed out before he could make even more of a fool of himself.

 

-

 

Group chat- losers + mj 

 

loser #2:

Peter? 

 

What happened?

 

loser #1:

armed robbery

 

I got everyone out safely though, and the bad guys were taken away in cop cars

 

not a loser:

good job dumbass

 

Harley wondered where you went so we told him you had to help spidey with something

 

It was the most believable thing we could think of on short notice

 

loser #1: 

thats fine, thanks guys

 

you all get home ok? the incident caused a bit of traffic

 

loser #2:

yeah we both took the subway

 

anyways when are you gonna ask harley out

 

loser #1:

wow ok getting straight to the point I see

 

...i don’t know if I should

 

not a loser:

youve been crushing on him for ages, at this point it would be ridiculous to not do smth abt it

 

loser #1:

yeah but what about dad?

 

not a loser:

just don’t tell him dipshit

 

you are allowed to keep things to yourself sometimes

 

loser #1:

yeah I guess so

 

do you think he likes me back?

 

not a loser:

youre such an idiot I don’t know why I even bother

 

loser #2:

what she meant to say was YES

 

he definitely likes you back

 

he was giving you heart eyes the entire time you were there and then he was really disappointed when you left

 

loser #1:

well, ok

 

maybe I will ask him out

 

loser #2:

finally!

 

not a loser:

thank the lord







Chapter Text

 

Peter had not yet said anything to Harley since he dipped at the coffee shop to go and “help” his boyfriend with something. 

 

Help him get off, probably , Harley’s mind helpfully supplied.

 

Ew no, now is not the time to think about Peter blowing Spidermind (who probably has a bigger dick than you), wait shut up, you’re me

 

Anyways, Harley was a bit more than slightly disappointed. Every time he hung out with Peter he would get his stupid hopes up, forgetting that he’s literally already in a relationship with a goddamn superhero. So that wasn’t going to end. And Harley has never been, and will never be a home wrecker, so Peter and Harley? Never gonna happen.

 

Which was why he decided now would be a great time to go and visit his family back in Tennessee. Or rather, his sister in Tennessee. He was definitely not looking forward to seeing his mom.

 

That’s besides the point though. The point is, he would have a couple of days away from Peter to hopefully get rid of the dumb little crush. It’ll be great. 

 

-

 

“So what should we make?”

 

Mj shrugged, seemingly uncaring.

 

Peter frowned, “Well Ned’s favorite food is brownies, but is that something you make for someone who’s sick?”

 

“I doubt he would care dumbass, he’d just be so excited about it he'd eat them anyways,” Mj said, sitting at a stool and throwing her feet up onto the island, “And then he’d puke. But he’d be happy about it.”

 

Peter made a face, “Ew.”

 

“But true,” he said, appraisingly tilting his head, “What if we did both?”

 

Mj furrowed her eyebrows, “Both what?”

 

“Something good for a sick person, and also something slightly less good for a sick person, but guaranteed to raise his spirits!” He explained, bouncing a bit with the excitement of his idea.

 

Mj hid her grin with her phone, and said, “Are you sure Mr. Big Man has all the stuff to make that here?”

 

Peter laughed, “Are you kidding? Dad loves to cook, he probably has half the world supply of cooking utensils in here. Besides, even if he didn’t, there’s still like 7 other people who kinda live here and need to eat.”

 

“Ok, what about recipes?” She asked, going around the counter to join him in rifling through the cabinets.

 

“That’s what google is for!” Peter exclaimed, “FRIDAY, can you pull up a good brownie recipe and a good chicken noodle soup recipe? Something with good reviews but also fairly simple to make.”

 

“Of course, Peter,” FRIDAY said, the recipes showing up on his phone.

 

So they got to work. Peter set out making the brownies (probably so he could lick the spoon when he finished), and Mj went exploring in the fridge to find vegetables for the soup.

 

It all went pretty well, actually. Mj kept an eye on Peter, making sure he was measuring right and not over mixing, but despite only learning how to cook from May, he was surprisingly doing really good.

 

When the brownies were left to bake in the oven, and the soup left to simmer on the stove, Mj and Peter sat at the table and sketched. It was one of their favorite things to do together, but they rarely hung out without Ned, so they didn’t get to do it often. 

 

Peter was doodling a messy Ironman when Mj showed him her sketchbook and gleefully said, “Hey look! It’s you sitting next to Harley!”

 

It was a goofy cartoon of him with a major blush and sweat dripping down his forehead.

 

“Oh my god,” Peter rolled his eyes and playfully shoved it back into her face.

 

Mj just smirked and whacked him with it.

 

“This is abuse,” he stated jokingly.

 

“Oh I’ll show you abuse you little-“

 

“Awww, Pepper it’s mini us!” Tony cooed, walking into the kitchen with Pepper.

 

Peter and Mj both made faces and gagged.

 

“Or not,” laughed Pepper.

 

Then she walked over and held out her hand to Mj with a friendly smile, “Hi, I’m Pepper, it’s nice to meet you.”

 

Mj choked out a short breath and struggled to find some fucking chill before saying, “Hey, I’m Michelle. Jones. Michelle Jones.”

 

Then, she nervously laughed at herself and explained, “Sorry, I’m usually not on the same loser scale as Peter, but you’re just so badass.”

 

Pepper grinned, “I like you.”

 

Tony and Peter cautiously glanced at each other. 

 

“Well that was terrifying,” stated Tony, walking over to Peter to look at what he was working on and promptly snatching up the Ironman whose suit was red and blue instead of red and gold, “Ooh, I’ll be taking this.”

 

They all watched as he strutted over to the fridge and taped the stupid picture right in the center of the pristine surface.

 

Peter groaned, “Oh my god, I’m not five dad!”

 

Tony smiled, obviously finding amusement in Peter’s embarrassment, “Yeah well I missed when you were five, so I’m making up for it now! I will also require a matching Spider-Man drawing, because as you know, he is my favorite superhero!” He declared, “Name your price. Nothing is too high, this is a serious commission.”

 

Peter just rolled his eyes, “Never gonna happen.”

 

“Hey, why is there soup on the stove?” Asked Tony, having wandered over after putting away the tape.

 

“Ned’s sick so we’re making him a little get well gift to take over later,” Peter explained, “Hope you don’t mind, I just figured you were more likely to have all the ingredients than May was.”

 

“No problem squirt, but we’re heading out for a meeting so don’t burn down the house, I beg of you,” Tony casually replied, stirring the pot, and turning the heat down just a little.

 

“Speaking of,” Pepper butted in, “We really should get going Tony.”

 

When she turned to grab her purse, Tony made a face at the kids, and quickly painted on a pleasant smile before she glanced back at him.

 

“Let's go Tony. Bye Peter, love you. Nice to meet you Michelle, hope to see you again soon,” she said before walking into the elevator.

 

“Coming, darling sweet love of my life!” He said, waving to the kids and following her to the elevator.

 

When the elevator doors shut behind them Mj exclaimed, “She’s so cool!”

 

Peter grinned fondly, “Yeah, she is.”



Half an hour later, Peter and Mj found themselves in the kitchen, artfully arranging the brownies on a plate and pouring the soup into a thermos. Every other second, they poked the other to get them out of the way, and giggled quietly, so they didn’t see that anyone had walked into the lounge.

 

Peter noticed first, turning and glancing around the cabinets to see Thor and Bruce in the living room. Mj joined him when she realized that he wasn’t there to poke anymore.

 

Peter was about to call out to them to say hi, when Mj suddenly slapped a hand over his mouth and dragged him to the ground behind the island. 

 

Peter shot her a look, that clearly said ‘what the fuck?’ And in reply, she simply put her finger to her mouth and pointed at the pair in the living room. They both got to their knees and peaked over the island to see that Bruce and Thor were literally making out in the middle of the couch.

 

Wow. Ok.

 

“I’ve got to tell Nat, oh my god,” whispered Peter, ducking back behind the island.

 

Mj smirked, “I'll do you one better.”

 

Then she sneakily raised her phone so that just the camera was above the edge of the counter and snapped a picture quickly to send to Peter.

 

Unfortunately, things seemed to be getting hot and heavy in the living room, but thankfully Thor and Bruce ended up wandering down the hall to a bedroom without seeing the teens.

 

“Oh my god Nat was right!” Exclaimed Peter, voice still quiet.

 

Mj grinned, and grabbed the plate of cookies, tossing the thermos to Peter, “Come on, let’s get out of here, I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I don’t know what they’re doing on the other side of that wall.”

 

Peter cringed, and followed her out of the kitchen.

 

“Hey, you never did tell me who the Black Widow was dating,” commented Mj, stepping into the elevator.

 

“Oh she’s dating May,” He said, pushing the button for the ground floor as the doors shut.

 

“WHAT!?” 

 

-

 

Tony Stark ✅ @Iamironman

❤️

[pic- the fridge with the Ironman that Peter drew, but next to it was Spider-Man with red and gold instead of red and blue. Spider-Man looked like he was drawn by a five year old. (Or maybe just Tony himself)]

 

   > I love spidey @spiderfan

      Oh my god I am absolutely  l i v i n g for this

 

   >> #1 spiderman fan @ilovespidey

        im soft

 

   > yeah @idkwhatimdoing 

      Wait! Did b draw the Ironman!?

 

   > spider guy ✅ @friendlywebspinner

      its always a great feeling to have fans 🤠