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Inside Out

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It was almost too much to handle. Spock had put Leonard on his back this time, said it was his favorite way to have him. So he could see everything. Leonard couldn't take it, couldn't keep his eyes open. He was so full of Spock's cock he was reasonably sure it would split him in half. But he could take that just fine. Spock taught him how. Spent hours opening him up just right til he begged and cried for whatever Spock was willing to give him.


What he couldn't stand was the way Spock was looking at him. Like Leonard had just personally hung the moon, just for him. Like he was the only human alive on the whole goddamn planet. Like he could stay right in that spot, buried in the heat of Leonard's body for the rest of his life. It devastated him. God, he wanted to be worthy of that look. Wanted to give it back in spades. But he wasn't brave enough, not yet. 


Another limb Leonard had lost track of came around his wrist and gently coaxed his forearm away from his eyes for what was surely the millionth time that night. Spock stopped moving. Just settled heavy inside him. On top of him. Waiting.  


Let me see you. Let me look at your pretty eyes. 


He'd do just about anything Spock asked. He couldn't very well deny him this simple request. So he tried again. Opened up and looked at the body leaning over him, at the white opal staring back. Leonard's body lit up, full of fire just from that paralyzing gaze. With trembling hands he reached for Spock's shoulders, absolutely helplessly overwhelmed with feelings he never learned what to do with. 


My sweet, perfect Leonard. You are crying again.


Leonard cried almost every time they had sex. And every single time it was like a release, like letting go of something terrible, like dropping a weight much too big for him to ever carry alone without his spine breaking into bits. And he'd come apart at the seams and shatter like glass and Spock would put all of his little pieces back together again and fill the holes left behind. And all it took was that one look. 


"Don't stop." He begged, sure he'd die if Spock didn't start moving again, if he didn't feel Spock consuming every part of him. "I can take it, I can— Don't, don't stop." 


Leonard realized too late that he closed his eyes again. But even so he could feel Spock smile at him. One of those big hands slid up his chest to cup his cheek, give him something to sob into. The rhythm started again. Just the gentlest of movements. Slow pushes and pulls, just to make sure Leonard could feel the drag of Spock's cock inside him. His body was a mess of sweat and tears and Leonard shook with the effort it took to hold himself together


I've got you, Leonard. It's alright. Let me take care of you.  


And he did. Fell right apart in Spock's hands and all the while Spock curled around his body and held him together. And when they were done, heavy and sated and wrapped up in each other in the dark Leonard whispered almost too quiet to hear.


" Thank you ."