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an expression of intimacy

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I’m two stops away


Akaashi smiled when he read the message, quickening his steps so he’d arrive at the train station before his boyfriend.

He had asked Kageyama to spend the weekend over at his place. It wasn’t that much of a romantic getaway, but it was one of those rare weekends Kageyama had off so Akaashi had grabbed the opportunity and Kageyama had eagerly agreed.

But when he got there, Kageyama was unusually jumpy, clutching onto the strap of his gym bag like a lifeline. He looked extremely good, though, Akaashi noted, pleased that Kageyama had taken the time even though he was fresh out of his training session. It was a far cry from when they had just started dating.

They didn’t hold hands, they never do. Instead, Akaashi ran a hand down the side of Kageyama’s arm once, as greeting, before they took off to the direction of his apartment.

Back at his apartment, Akaashi had only just slipped into his indoor slippers, turning around to say something, when Kageyama literally jumped him. He had his eyes squeezed shut, Akaashi noticed in that split second before Kageyama had slammed their faces together, hands grabbing at the nape of his neck to keep him close.

Despite the shock, Akaashi kissed back. Of course he did. He didn’t think he had the ability to resist a kiss from his boyfriend, but he did run a soothing hand down Kageyama’s back while the other one held his face, gently prying him off.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. Kageyama was beat red. Akaashi tried to catch his gaze when he hung his head low. “Hey,” he cooed, tilting Kageyama’s head up, smiling softly when he didn’t resist. “I wasn’t complaining.”

Kageyama turned even redder at that. He mashed his face against Akaashi’s shoulder, arms winding round him in a tight embrace. And Akaashi pulled him even closer. They haven’t been able to see each other as often, their interactions limited to video calls and texts.

“What’s wrong?” He tried again. “You barely said a word the whole way here.” His hands resumed rubbing Kageyama’s back soothingly.

Kageyama mumbled something, still refusing to look at him.

“What was that?”

“I said I missed you.” Kageyama still had his head buried in Akaashi’s neck, only pulling away slightly so that he could be heard.

Akaashi had gathered as much at the very enthusiastic, very welcomed kiss, but he knew something was off. He didn’t want to pressure his boyfriend knowing he’d only clamp up even further, so he dropped it. “I missed you too.”

Kageyama visibly relaxed, finally letting himself be dragged further into the small apartment. He refused Akaashi’s offer to take a shower, saying he had already taken one at the gym, so they settled in on the futon.

Akaashi had his fingers in Kageyama’s hair, carding through the locks as he listened to him rattling on about his new training regime. Kageyama had his head on Akaahi’s shoulder, one leg slung over him. When Akaashi’s arm started to go numb, he turned to his side. Kageyama paused to make room for him as Akaashi burrowed his nose into the crook of Kageyama’s neck, breathing him in.

“You smell nice.” He hummed happily.

Kageyama, who had continued on with his tale, stuttered. “Y-yeah, you like it?”

Akaashi had let out another pleased hum, nuzzling deeper and making a point to inhale deeply. “New cologne?”

“Deodorant.”

He hummed again, pressing a kiss to the skin there. “It smells really nice.”

“I think it’s cedar wood,” Kageyama said. “Or something. I don’t know. Something woody.”

When Akaashi had hummed again, Kageyama huffed softly. He sounded pleased with himself. “Thought you might like it.”

That brought warmth to Akaashi’s entire being.

Akaashi pulled away, leaning his weight on his elbow to just look at Kageyama, who was pink around the cheeks but was returning his gaze nonetheless. “Well, Kageyama-kun,” he smiled when that earned him an eye roll. “Thank you for thinking of me.”

He could see the protest coming, so he leaned in to cut it short. It was just a soft press of lips, nothing more, but it was enough with the way Kageyama’s body went lax. Akaashi brushed his nose gently against Kageyama’s cheek, enjoying the way Kageyama was getting more and more pliant, letting out soft content sighs.

It was quiet for a bit, just the two of them basking in each other’s presence. Akaashi almost didn’t catch it with how softly Kageyama had spoken and how drowsy he was.

“Do you wish things were different?”

Akaashi frowned, pulling away to sit up properly, gauging Kageyama’s expression. “What do you mean?”

Kageyama had his eyes locked on his, but his eyes seemed faraway. He was quiet, fingers drawing figures absentmindedly on Akaashi’s arm.

Akaashi let him. They both always needed time to sift through their own thoughts to be able to verbally express them as best they could, Kageyama more so than him.

When he spoke again, the faraway look was gone. His eyes were clear as he held Akaashi’s gaze. “My teammates found out about you.” There was no guilt or apology written on his face, but his fingers were tight around him.

“I mean, not—you, exactly, but—they found out I have a boyfriend.”

Akaashi breathed in sharply, his own fingers seeking Kageyama’s in a tight hold. “Were they being awful to you?”

They were both out to their closest friends. Everyone they knew, the ones who matter, knew about them and they never hid their relationship. But the world is big and full of ignorant people, they had both learnt that the hard way, so they had kept their relationship on the down low to their new acquaintances, which also included Kageyama’s fellow teammates in the national team.

Before Akaashi’s brain could spiral into negative thoughts and self-blaming, Kageyama shook his head, squeezing his hand in reassurance. “No, they were fine with it.”

Akaashi breathed a little easier. He knew, though, that there was more to the story than his teammate finding out. He was proven right by the way Kageyama frowned.

“But they uh…” Akaashi watched the way Kageyama’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. “They had a lot of questions. A lot.” At Akaashi’s raised brow, Kageyama continued, this time hastily, like he couldn’t wait for the conversation to be over. “They asked what’s it like between two guys.”

When he didn’t say anything, Kageyama added. “You know. Sex.” More silence. “With two guys.”

It seemed like once he’d started, Kageyama couldn’t stop. “I know we’ve only kissed—and I like it when we do—and we cuddle a lot, which, I like too—you’re very comfortable. But. I know that other couple who’ve been together for less than we’ve been together have probably done more than just kissing and I’ve never thought it was a problem between us because I think you’re as happy as I am with what we’re doing so far, but Akaashi-san.” Kageyama was panting, face contorted. “If you’re not happy with things between us. If you want more—”

Akaashi laid a hand on Kageyama’s cheek. “Tobio,” he called out gently, effectively stopping the rambling. “I love you.”

Kageyama’s eyes widen, face immediately flushed red.

“I wasn’t planning on telling you yet.” Akaashi dropped his hand. “But I need you to understand that what we have is perfect. I don’t care what other couples are doing, I’m happy.” Akaashi made sure to catch Kageyama’s eyes. “Being with you makes me happy, Tobio.”

Kageyama’s face made quite the contortion, lips trembling, weird, gibberish noises coming out of his throat. This always happens whenever he’s overwhelmed, and Akaashi was pretty sure he might have broken him.

“You don’t have to say it back,” Akaashi assured him. “I already know how you feel.”

Kageyama slumped against Akaashi, wrapping his limbs around him. Akaashi delighted in the warmth of Kageyama’s face that was tucked securely in the crook of his neck and squeezed him tighter.

Akaashi nudged Kageyama’s temple, earning a grunt in response. “Do you want to?”

“Not really.” Kageyama leaned back to spare him a look, eyes searching. “Do you?”

Akaashi smiled. “No.”

Tension melted away from Kageyama’s entirety, his shoulders sagging in relief, face blooming in a soft smile. He scooted closer, no longer hiding his face.

They stared at each other, noses touching.

There was a sparkle in Kageyama’s eyes when he nudged Akaashi on the nose, mimicking his earlier antics. “Akaashi-san.”

“Hm?”

“Love you.”

It was barely audible, the confession. A whisper, to savour the quiet calm between them.