"They think you're what?" Tor hissed, their dark eyes narrowing at the elf that was hurriedly taking a step or two away from them.
"It's not my fault!" Rylien shot back. He brought his hands up, putting them up defensively between him and Tor. If they started to glow a little as his magic came to the forefront, well, he couldn't be blamed for being a little emotional considering the circumstances. "They all just started bowing to me! What was I supposed to do, tell them 'sorry, but I think you have the wrong person?'"
Tor stared at him blankly for several seconds before letting out a groan. "Yes, Ryl," they said. "Yes, that is exactly what you should have done."
Rylien opened his mouth as if he was going to keep arguing. Then he closed it, deflating a little. "Okay, yes. Fair."
Tor brought their hand up to rub at the bridge of their nose. "It's a dwarven town," they muttered. "Why would they think you of all people are their long-lost spiritual leader? You're an elf. You're about as far from being a dwarf as possible."
Rylien narrowed his eyes. "Wait a second, are you upset because they're worshiping me and not you? Is that what this is about?"
The look on Tor's face probably could have curdled milk. Rylien was used to it, though, so he just ignored it. Well, mostly. He might have flinched slightly. He'd seen Tor punch through bone before, after all.
"No, I'm upset because they're going to realize you're a fraud at any minute and chase us out of town," Tor shot back. "I like this town! I'd rather not get chased out of this town! Do you know how long it's been since I was around proper dwarves?"
Someone cleared their throat a few feet away. "Dare I ask what we missed?" asked the familiar, slightly higher-pitched voice of a halfling.
Both of them glanced towards the door of their room at the inn. It had opened at some point without either of them noticing, and both Felix and Bren were hovering in the doorway. There was no sign of Deina, which hopefully wasn't a sign that she'd gotten arrested already.
Felix stepped into the room, his gaze darting between Rylien and Tor. "Seriously, what did we miss?"
Bren slipped in after him, closing the door behind her. She waved her a hand as she did, a faint glow shimmering around it for a moment as she put up a familiar spell to help prevent eavesdropping.
Tor let out a frustrated sigh before walking over and pulling themself up onto one of the empty beds in the room. "Your husband told the locals he's their long-lost god."
"He what?" Felix asked, startled. He turned his attention entirely on Rylien. "You what?"
Rylien quickly held up a hand. "First of all, I didn't tell them anything," he shot back. "They made assumptions about my divine nature all by themselves."
Tor muttered something under their breath. It wasn't quite audible, but their face made it clear that it was probably derogatory.
Bren snorted. Then she walked over and clambered up on the bed beside Tor, a bit less gracefully than them considering she was a good foot-and-a-half shorter than the dwarf.
Felix covered his face with his hand. "Not helping, Ryl."
"Second," Rylien continued, ignoring everyone's comments, "they don't think I'm a god. They just think I'm the reincarnation of some bigshot priest who died a few centuries ago. There's a difference."
"I want a divorce," Felix said, not bringing his hand down from his face.
Rylien's mouth twitched.
"But you're not even a dwarf," Bren said, tilting her head a bit. "I could get them mistaking Tor as someone important or maybe even Felix, since he's pretty short for a human—""
"Hey!" Felix snapped, finally dropping his hand so he could glare at her.
"—but you're an elf," Bren continued, ignoring Felix entirely. "Why would a bunch of dwarves think some random elf is an important religious figure?"
"That's what I asked," Tor grumbled. Then they rolled their eyes. "Where's Deina, by the way? We might have to make a quick getaway if this goes as badly as I'm expecting."
Felix shifted a bit uncomfortably. Bren grinned.
Tor narrowed their eyes. "Please tell me she hasn't already gotten arrested."
"She hasn't been arrested," Bren chirruped back at them cheerfully. "Or, at least, she hadn't when we came upstairs. She was too busy challenging that really big guy in the corner to an arm wrest—"
At that moment, something crashed loudly down on the first floor, followed by what sounded suspiciously like a roar. Bren cut off mid-word, shrugging a little. "Never mind. It sounds like it's over already." She tilted her head to the side. "Dwarves like bar fights, right? I'm sure everything will be fine."
Tor's eyebrows went up. "Do I want to know?"
Felix shook his head. "Probably not," he said. Then he cuffed Rylien on the side of the head, earning him a muttered curse and a glare. "Seriously, what are we doing to do about this idiot?"
"I'm standing right here," Rylien muttered.
"You lost the right to complain the moment you decided to pretend to be a god, sweetheart," Felix shot back.
Rylien let out an overly dramatic sigh. "A reincarnated priest," he said, "not a god. There's a difference."
Tor sighed and threw themself backwards so that they were sprawled out on the bed. "Sometimes I really regret not turning all of you in for that bounty," they grumbled. "My life would have been so much easier if I'd wiped my hands of you from day one."
Bren laughed, leaning over to press a kiss against Tor's stubbled face. "You love us," she said lightly. "Don't lie."
"You mispronounced 'hate' just then," Tor muttered, rolling their eyes.
Downstairs, there was a loud boom that sounded suspiciously like a small explosion. All four of them froze in place, their gaze moving towards the closed door.
Bren flinched. "Maybe we should, uh, get everything packed up?" she suggested. "Just in case there's going to be an angry mob?" She hesitated for a second before adding: "Or, you know, in case the tavern catches on fire?"
Tor's gaze darted towards her, and they pushed themself back up into a sitting position on the bed. "Bren," they said slowly, "where's the necklace?"
"What necklace?" she asked innocently.
It was Felix's turn to sigh. "The one that makes big, fiery explosions happen when you throw a bead from it."
Bren shifted in place. "Oh, that necklace," she said, her voice just a little too bright. "It's funny you ask."
Tor sighed. "Please tell me that you didn't give it to the gnome with poor impulse control."
She shifted a bit more. "In my defense," Bren said slowly, "Deina offered me a bottle of really good wine in exchange for it."
Rylien raised his hand, looking for all the worlds like an overgrown schoolboy rather then the 200something they all knew he really was. "Maybe I could—"
"No!" snapped Felix and Tor, their voices overlapping.
Rylien lowered his hand.
And that exact moment was when the shouts of "Fire!" started ringing out from the hallway outside their room.