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every time I close my eyes it's like a dark paradise

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knock knock. hangyul lightly knocks on minhee’s door. it’s junho who opens it for him. the boy looks at him oddly.

“what is it hyung?”, the younger asks in a hushed tone.

“is it okay if i talk to minhee alone?” hangyul asks. it’s not much a question really.

junho nods and goes back into the room for a minute.

“minhee i’ll be right back”, he tells the blonde. minhee doesn’t move or give any response. junho goes to the door and tells hangyul to go in.

the sight hangyul sees when he walks into the room is something he expected but never thought he’d actually witness. it’s minhee lying on his bed. his arm covering his head and his blanket messily over his legs. he looks completely out of it and hangyul doesn’t know why.

god how is he supposed to help minhee right now? how he wishes it could be easier to talk to him. he is supposed to be older but right now he feels like he’s apart of the maknae line and minhee is his hyung.

“min. minhee.” no movement. “minhee come on.” still nothing.

“kang minh-“ he’s cut off by the previously silent blonde.

“go away hyung.”

“minhee tell us what’s wrong. we just want to help you” hangyul explains.

“you guys can stop worrying about me. i’m fine. really. i just want to be alone.” minhee quietly says.

“minhee i- okay minhee. just know if you need any help or just want to talk, you have your hyungs to talk to.” hangyul tells him.

he doesn’t wait for minhee to respond and decided to leave. after minhee hears the soft click of the door he feels the tears slide down his face. he wants them to stop but can’t. ‘why do i have to be so pathetic?’, he thinks. no wonder his hyungs think he isn’t capable of anything.

he suddenly hears soft footsteps coming from outside and immediately knows they belong to junho. he wipes his tears and puts a pillow over his face to avoid junho having to see his tear stained face.

as soon as junho opens the door to their room he shuts it gently and comes inside. he sits on the edge of minhee’s bed.

“minhee it’s junho. did you open up to hangyul hyung?” junho asks and minhee wishes junho was someone who he could easily ignore. but no, minhee likes junho way too much to do that.

“no. i don’t need to open up about anything junho. i’m fine.” he lies and wishes he didn’t have to. he wishes it were all true.

“minhee i’m here too. maybe you don’t want to talk to the hyungs but talking to me is something you can do.” god minhee wishes he could hate junho but he just can’t.

so, he replies with a polite thanks and junho presses his hand onto minhee’s knee. he then gets off the bed and gets on his own.

another set of footsteps can be heard and these are somewhat even more gentle than junho’s. minhee’s already ready to be bombarded with questions by hyeongjun but is surprised when the only thing his labelmate does once he’s inside is put his hand through minhee's hair softly.

“goodnight minhee.” the curly haired boy says.

“night.”

“goodnight to junho.” junho says to himself as a joke and hyeongjun then realizes he’s in the room. minhee can only picture hyeongjun’s cute expression once he had seen junho.

he lets himself have a small smile. ‘i got some good roommates’ he thinks.

minhee puts the pillow on his face back under his head and falls asleep to hyeongjun’s hushed apologies for junho.

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"minhee you're going to be late for school!" junho says to a tired minhee. "wake up."

"okay. okay" says the tired blonde. "can't i just skip today?" the loud gasp junho let's out make it really clear the answer is no.

"minhee you never wanna skip school. are you really okay?" great not this again.

"jun, i'm fine. i just feel like trash" the look junho gives him makes him want to stop talking.

"fine. stop looking at me i need to change." and with, that junho leaves the room to make breakfast.

'i don't wanna go' minhee whines in his head. 'this day is gonna suck.'

after getting ready and taking care of everything minhee leaves his room and goes out into the dangerous world known as X1's dorm.

when he arrives into the cluttered dining room where he sees the rest of his members sitting down at the table- excluding eunsang who was still in the kitchen. the only avaiable seats that were left were either in between hangyul and yohan or in between junho and wooseok. sitting with hangyul was usually fun for him but he doesn't want to get questioned at 7am by the older boy. he sits with junho and recieves a small smile from the brunette.

hangyul watches minhee as he decides to sit with junho instead of him. he had been making sure no one sat with him so minhee could but it looks like he chose junho over him.

'why do i feel like this' hangyul thinks. why was he feeling so odd just 'cuz minhee didn't want to sit him?

bless eunsangs heart when he walks into the room. he sits next to hangyul and gives him one of his gummy smiles and offers some orange juice. good old eunsang always there to make him smile.

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after having made sure that junho and hyeongjun made it safely to hanlim, minhee was now on the bus ride to his own school.

he used to look forward to going to namkang before his debut but now it's different. of course he's still in knitting club and he is still ranked at the top in terms of academics but it's getting harder for him. he has to skip so many days now that he's an official idol. and of course now there's the issue.

minhee doesn't think it should be surprising that there are people who think him being an idol was a waste. but to think some of the people who he used to talk in the halls with or sit with during lunch are now saying he's wasting his smarts if all he can do is be a dumb visual, how is he supposed to feel? of course letting all that go should be easy for him. he was used to getting criticism every since he's sought out to be an idol. the one thing that really gets to minhee is a boy named hyunseok.