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Non te ne Andare

Chapter Text

January 29, 2020
Saint Petersburg

Yuuri’s vision was blurry as his eyes burned from the intensity of the light. The scents swimming around him were alien, even his own as it seemed to have been stripped from him as if he were violated. The smell of bleach and antiseptics almost suffocating him. Where was he? Last he remembered; it was night. Viktor was about to take the keys to drive when Yuuri told him last minute that he could do it. It wasn’t a big deal. Viktor told him that Yuuri needed to sleep as much as he could, but Yuuri brushed that suggestion off, telling his Alpha that regardless of how many hours he slept, he still going to be jetlagged the next day. It’s why they always traveled days in advance to most competition. They went into the car and he was driving. Everything else though was drawing a blank.

Yuuri froze when he saw his leg. It was in a complete cast. How the fuck did he break his leg? How the hell did it happen? How could this happen? His final season now gone. He needed to find Viktor. He started tearing out the wires and tubes, crying out in pain as some tore out of him painfully. By the time he was done and trying to get out of the bed, a nurse walked into his room.

Mr. Nikiforov, please you need to lay down,” the Beta spoke in Russian.

Where am I?” Yuuri barked back, his Russian was never perfect, but it got the job done.

The American Clinic. You were in a very bad car accident and they took you to the closest hospital,” the nurse spoke, “let me get the doctor and your family.”

Yuuri laid back down. Trying to understand what she said. Car accident. He was in a car accident. She was bringing the family in. She was bringing Viktor. But Viktor wouldn’t even be away from him if he couldn’t help it. Unless maybe he was hurt too? He was getting anxious. He didn’t like this place. Even though it looked very lovely, he was nervous. He needed Viktor with him. He wanted Viktor to scent him. He felt so naked without his Alpha’s scent, let alone his own.

It may have been minutes, or it may have been hours, but the door opened again. To his surprise, he saw his sister and mom. It must have been a serious accident if his mom actually had to leave dad behind. He rarely saw his mother step away from his father. Her inner Alpha would have screamed at the very thought of leaving him alone. Especially if she was taking Mari. The only other reason why he could see her doing that was simply that Yuuri was her child and an Omega at that. He was in trouble and her inner Alpha deemed him as more important at the moment.

Mom, Mari!” Japanese flowed from Yuuri like water.

“How are you doing?” Mari asked.

“What happened? Where’s Viktor?”

“Yuuri, I think it’s best if we wait for the doctor,” Hiroko whispered as she rubbed her son’s head with her fingers.

Yuuri felt his body relax as he breathed in his mother’s pheromones. The scent of lilac soothed his nerves, bringing him back to times of his childhood. He instinctively held his mother’s hand as if to have her scent him. He was so stressed out right now, not even sure where his Mate was. He needed Viktor so badly. Hiroko gave him a little shocked look but nodded as if understanding and scented her son. Yuuri knew that Viktor wouldn’t mind. His mom would scent him even when they were back in Japan. It was a thing most families did.

Viktor, where are you, Yuuri was using the bond between them.

No response.

Viktor, please answer me, where are you?

Nothing.

Yuuri sighed deeply as he rested his head back on the pillow. He was frustrated. Viktor never ignored him when he would talk with him through the bond. Viktor would tell have told him where he was. Or he would have said something to at least let him know that he was alright. After a while, the doctor came in, speaking rapid Russian. Yuuri blinked a few times, trying to understand him.

I’m sorry but my Russian isn’t the greatest. I feel more comfortable speaking English, but if you cannot, can you speak slower?” Yuuri spoke in Russian.

“Oh, we can speak English, if it’s easier for you then,” the older Beta man started, his English had a hint of Russian.

“Thank you,” Yuuri bowed his head softly.

“I have some questions for you, do you mind answering them?”

“Yeah,” Yuuri was a little uneasy.

“Do you know who you are?”

“Yuuri Nikiforov. Five-time winning Gold Medalist for the GPF and four-time winning Gold Medalist for Worlds.”

“Do you know how old you are?”

“27, I turn 28 on the 29th of November.”

“What’s today’s date?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where are you?”

“Russia? I don’t know where exactly.”

“Saint Petersburg.”

“I just need to do a few more tests and we’ll be good.”

The Beta man flashed a light in Yuuri’s eyes and did some other tests to see his reflexes. The tests were done pretty quickly. Yuuri looked at his mom and sister before looking at the doctor.

“Mr. Nikiforov, my name is Dr. Karev. You were brought in almost a month ago. You were in a coma when you got here. You hit your head really hard, really hard. Split your skull completely open. You have a break on your left leg and a hairline fracture on your hip. With proper rest and care, you will be perfectly fine with skating. Unfortunately, for the next eight weeks, you’re going to be out of commission. Although,” Dr. Karev looked at Yuuri, “as a routine for Omegas, we had to take some bloodwork.”

“Oh?”

“Everything came back normal except for one test.”

“What test?”

“You came back positive on your pregnancy test, so congratulations.”

“Where’s Viktor?”

The doctor looked at Yuuri confused. Yuuri didn’t like that look. Instantly, Yuuri released pheromones, the room painted with anxiety, fear, and worry. His mom placed her wrist under Yuuri’s nose.

“Who’s Viktor?”

“My Alpha, where is he? Shouldn’t he be here?”

“Mr. Nikiforov, there was no patent under the name Viktor admitted the night of the accident.”

“Please check, he’s not responding with our Bond!” Yuuri was pleading, “Is it possible if he was admitted to another hospital? His name is Viktor Nikiforov. He is about 180cm tall. Russian. He has very beautiful blue eyes that look like the sea. He has short silver-grey hair where part of it covers the left side of his face.”

“I’ll see what I can find out about that night, Mr. Nikiforov,” Dr.Karev spoke with a soft smile as he stood up and left.

“Yuuri,” Mari looked at him trying not to cry.

This wasn’t like Mari. She was always tough. Yuuri always thought that she would present as an Alpha because of how strong of a person she was, but she never did present. And it was alright. She was tougher and scarier than most Alphas anyway. If she was an Alpha, she’d probably have been scarier than she was now.

“Viktor’s coach was the one that called us to get here to Russia.”

“What? How?”

“Yuuri, we thought they knew,” the melody of his sister’s voice sang of heartbreak.

“Knew what?”

“Yuuri, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Viktor died in the accident.”

Yuuri wasn’t sure what he had just heard. Viktor died. He was gone. Just like that. No more Viktor. The Living Legend of Russia, Viktor Nikiforov’s life was snuffed out like the light of a candle. Viktor made him full of life and full of love. And now, he was empty. Even with the sudden news that inside him was the love and life that Viktor left behind. The love and life that Viktor was robbed from. Yuuri didn’t know what to feel. He couldn’t find the tears even if he tried.

“I can’t stay here in Russia,” Yuuri spoke, his voice devoid of any kind of feeling.

“Yuuri, it’s alright, you can come back to Japan. As soon as they have you cleared, you can stay with us for as long as you want,” Hiroko was gentle with her son as she scented him with more of her calming pheromone.

Yuuri looked at his mom and nodded slowly. He knew that his reaction was scaring them. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. That was the reaction he was supposed to have, right? His husband, his Mate. His Alpha died. And now he was pregnant with a dead man’s child. In that dead man’s country. Alone. It wasn’t like either of Viktor’s parents would help. They didn’t like him all that much because him not being Russian. He met Viktor’s parents a handful of times, and even though they were polite to each other, he remembered overhearing a conversation between Viktor’s parents about him. He knew they didn’t like him, but one of the phrases that struck him as odd. If it wasn’t for the tone of his voice, Yuuri wouldn’t have thought the phrase offensive, just weird. Weirder still, was that he brought up his scent and how it was fitting for somebody of his kind to have. He didn’t want to ask Viktor what it meant because if the phrase was really bad, then it would have upset Viktor greatly. So, he did the next best thing… He called Yura and asked him. That’s how he found out that Viktor’s father was a rather racist man.

“Do you know what happened to my phone? The car? Our things?”

“The car was totaled, they had to cut the doors open just to get you both out. We got the stuff from the car. Viktor’s and your skates are completely trashed unfortunately We weren’t sure what you wanted to do with them, though.”

“Throw mine out, not his.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Your phone was trashed, but Viktor’s phone still works,” Mari spoke softly, trying to sound casual.

“Can I see it?”

Hiroko grabbed her purse and started rummaging through the bag until she found a scratched-up phone in a scratched-up phone case. The phone case was Viktor’s. He had changed it a few days after his birthday. The case was based on one of Yuuri’s own costumes from his Juniors. Golds, silvers, blues, and reds blended into each other and Viktor was so proud when he switched out the case. He was never going to see Viktor smile like that again. That heart-shaped smile he would flash when he was playful.

Yuuri thumbed the phone for a while, just looking at it. He turned it on and his heart sank. It was a picture of both of them for the lock screen. Viktor and him were kissing, the picture clearly had one of the Instagram filters to give it that fairytale look. Yuuri drew the pattern on the phone quickly, the home screen a picture of them with Makka. His heart sank even more. Makka was in Japan and when he came back, she was going to go crazy seeing him. But then freak out because Viktor wasn’t there with him.

“Shit, Makkachin. Viktor. What am I going to do?”

“Yuuri, while you were out, Makka passed away,” Mari just felt like today she was just giving all the bad news, and Yuuri could tell she hated it.

“So next you’re going to tell me that Yurio and Yakov died on their way over here, right?” Yuuri sounded a little harsher than intended.

“I hope not,” Mari looked at her brother, “we’ve had too much death for the start of the year.”

Yuuri looked back at Viktor’s phone and to his shock, there was still a signal. He had no intention of canceling Viktor’s plan anytime soon. Especially since at the moment, he had no phone. They had the same contacts, to begin with, so it wasn’t that big of an issue. He probably would still keep the plan going even after he gets a new phone.

He looked at the contacts, scrolling carefully. Viktor’s phone was in Cyrillic and that writing system Yuuri always found himself reading slowly. Once he reached the Y names, he looked for Yura. Nothing. What name would he put him under? After a while, Yuuri snorted out laughing. Angry Kitten. In Russian. All in caps lock. He pressed the call button for the contact and waited for Yuri to answer.

“Yuuri? Viktor?” Yura answered almost instantly.

“Hey,” Yuuri spoke to the phone.

“Katsudon, where are you? We’ve been trying to find out the hospital you were in.”

“American Clinic.”

“The one that speaks English?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s been a shit show this month. The accident is on all of the sports news channels. They even announced the sudden passing during the Russian and Japanese Nationals,” Yuri sounded disturbed, “Katsudon, how are you holding up?”

“Pregnant.”

There was a long pause. Yuuri wasn’t sure if Yuri hung up on him.

“Hello?”

“Yeah, wow. I don’t know what to say. Congratulations on the baby? Sorry for your loss? Both you and Viktor are disgusting?”

“Viktor and I are disgusting works since it’s you,” Yuuri wanted some kind of normalcy.

“Both of you are gross.”

“Thanks,” Yuuri smiled softly.

“I’ll see you in a bit. I’ll bring everybody over. Everyone is worried sick about you.”

“I know.”

“Yuuri?” The blonde Omega called on the other end of the phone.

“Yeah?”

“It’s going to be alright. You’re stronger than you let on. You’ll get through this.”

“Thank you,” Yuuri whispered as he hung up.

Things weren’t going to get better. Viktor was dead. He was gone. He wasn’t going to walk into this room with that goofy smile of his. He was never going to see their unborn child. He was going to miss the doctor’s appointments. He was going to miss the morning sickness. Their first heartbeat. Their first time kicking. Their birth. First steps, first words. Potty training and the first day of school. Teaching them to drive and first dates. Graduations and weddings. Grandchildren. Viktor was going to miss all of that. Right before it even happened. It was stolen from him. And Yuuri was struggling to shed a single tear. Why couldn’t he cry? He cried so easily all the time. Yuuri cried all the time growing up. His mom told him that he cried when he was three because a butterfly landed on him and he thought it was pretty.

“Mom, Mari,” Yuuri was looking at his hands as he fidgeted with the blanket, “I just need to be alone for a bit, is that alright?”

“Yuuri, are you sure? You don’t have to do this alone,” his mother’s soothing words echoed in his head.

“I just found out my husband is dead and I’m pregnant. I kinda need to sort my feelings about everything.”

“We’ll be outside if you need us, baby bro.”

Yuuri nodded, didn’t even bother watching them leave. He heard the soft click of the door and he was alone. He was trying to cry. He was praying that as soon as they left, the waterworks would just start. But nothing. What was wrong with him? Any Omega would be curled up sobbing if they got the news he did. His mate was never coming back.

Yuuri didn’t know how long he spent trying to will tears to just appear for Viktor. The harder he tried, the less his body seemed to cooperate. The more he felt like a monster. He cried when Vicchan died. A dog. And now, Makkachin… He could feel the tears finally escaping. He couldn’t cry for his dead husband, but sure, let’s cry for the dead family dog. What was wrong with him?

Yuuri dried his tears quickly when he heard the door opening up. He saw Dr. Karev enter, his face looking a little glum as he looked towards him. Either he was going to give him the news that Viktor was dead or that they were still trying to find him.

“Doctor,” Yuuri smiled.

“We’re still trying to find out where your Mate is. Unfortunately, the car accident was very nasty. Over six cars were involved in the accident.”

“My mom and sister got a call from his former coach, it’s why they came here looking for me. My Mate, he, unfortunately, didn’t make it,” Yuuri muttered.

“I am so sorry for your loss, but at least you have something to remember him by.”

“Yeah,” Yuuri spoke as he pressed his hand on his abdomen.

“I have an ultrasound set up for you in about five minutes.”

“Alright, do you think you can let my mom and sister know?”

“Of course, Mr. Nikiforov. The nurse will bring you to the ultrasound room.”

Yuuri just waited for time to pass. He felt the hot tears stream slowly from his eyes. He knew he was crying because of Makka, yet he was angry at himself. His tears were his own. Yet he couldn’t shed any for Viktor. He hated himself for it.

The door opened again, Yuuri laying down, turned away from the door, crying silently. He felt his own anger bubbling within him. He wasn’t mad at Viktor. He wasn’t angry that he died. He was angry because of his lack of response to Viktor’s passing.

He heard his sister’s voice trying to comfort him as he felt her rub his back. He just wished Viktor was here. He just wanted Viktor to here with him. He would have known what to do. If he found out this news, he would have been over the moon. Yeah, this pregnancy was a little earlier than what they expected. He was going to keep this child. It was his and Viktor’s child.

Yuuri pulled out Viktor’s phone again, calling Yakov. Yuuri knew that the older man had the contact information for Viktor’s parents. Yuuri had zero intentions of even talking with them. Even though Viktor’s parents were divorced, Viktor’s an Alpha woman who was more happy giving Viktor’s father full custody. And Viktor’s father was a closet racist. He didn’t want to have them in his life. They didn’t want much with Viktor when he was alive. How Yuuri saw it, they lost their opportunity to be involved in this child’s life.

“Katsuki,” the gruff voice answered.

Hey,” Yuuri muttered Russian into the phone.

I got a hold of your family.

Do Viktor’s parents know about their son’s death?” Yuuri’s broken Russian thick with Japanese and English into his accent.

Yes, but I’ve been focused on you.”

Yakov, I’m moving back to Japan. I can’t with Russia anymore. Viktor, it,” Yuuri was trying to find the words, “it hurts so much.”

“That’s alright, we’ll help you.”

“Tell them this vanilla block of wood will never be in their lives again.”

“Excuse me?” Yuuri could hear the confusion in the older man’s voice.

“You heard me, tell his father that for me.”

“Yura, you know what that means, right?”

“Yes, his father called me that on multiple occasions.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright. Can you do me one more thing?”

“Let them know that they won’t be seeing their grandkid.”

“Are you pregnant?”

“5 weeks maybe? Viktor and I shared my Heat on his birthday. I’m guessing that’s when I got pregnant.”

“Congratulations, Yura.”

“Mr. Nikiforov, it’s time for the ultrasound,” the nurse from earlier came.

“I gotta go, I’m going to see the little bean soon,” Yuuri spoke.

“Take care.”

Yuuri hung up and called his sister to help him up. Both the nurse and his sister helped him sit in the wheelchair. His hip was killing him but he kept in mind that by the end of next month, he would no longer have this cast and his hip would not be screaming. He could only imagine how bad it would have been if he actually broke his hip bone instead of the hairline fracture, he currently had.

He was wheeled over to a room, his sister and the nurse helped him on the table. The nurse looked at Yuuri sweetly as she lifted his gown, his stomach out in the open. She warned him about the gel being cold and to not worry about it.

“Your husband was the Living Legend, wasn’t he?”

“Were you a fan?”

“Yes, my daughter will be going into Juniors in a season or two. She loved seeing his programs on the internet and she was so upset that she realized that he was already retired. She found out that he was married to an Omega and he was coaching him. So, she begs me to get tickets to see one of your performances because you are Japan’s version of the Living Legend and she just fell hard for your skating.”

Yuuri blushed deeply at the nurse and her words. He never saw himself being at the same level as Viktor. So for this woman to say that he was, it just made him feel embarrassed. Viktor would probably have laughed along with her, telling her that Yuuri was better at him. He just sighed, pushing that thought away. He couldn’t think about Viktor right now.

“Alright, let’s see you’re little bean,” she smiled as she turned on the ultrasound, “you look about 5 weeks. Oh?”

Yuuri looked at the monitor and her face. She gave a stunned look, making sure she was seeing what she was seeing. Her face blanched a little, which worried him.

“Anything wrong?”

“No, I just have a question, though.”

“What is it,” Yuuri asked.

“Do you know if twins run on either side?”

“No, at least I don’t think. Mari?”

“Not really,” Mari said as she held Yuuri’s hand.

“Well, I guess Papa’s swimmers were really good, and Mama’s eggs were extra ready. You’re having twins.”

“How?”

“Well, you know how you got them, but here, you see this little black sack?”

Yuuri nodded.

“And this other black sack about the same size?”

Yuuri nodded again.

“Those are your pups.”

“No, I’m just having a baby. As in one, not two. I’m not having pups.”

“Yuuri, look at the monitor, you’re having two. You’re having pups.”

Yuuri’s face turned ashen, his body grew cold and sweaty. He felt his stomach twist violently and without any warning, he threw up all over the floor. He really wished that Viktor was here. He wished he could hear Viktor tell him that everything would be alright. Even though he knew it wouldn’t.