Ian is still trying to find Smosh a home, poor guy. Matt is also doing his best, but it’s hard pitching a YouTube company to a bunch of rich, lazy businessmen. Shayne and I were playing the latest chapter of Bendy and the Ink Machine at my place when I got the text.
Ian: Hey Damien, you’ll never believe who’s considering buying Smosh!
Damien: Just tell me, the suspense is killing me.
Ian: Mythical Entertainment!
Damien: Woah, that’s insane!
Ian: Can you and Shayne be at my house at noon tomorrow? There will be sandwiches! We’re going to meet with Rhett and Link.
I didn't check with Shayne until after I agreed, but that’s okay. He’s staying the night and will be here tomorrow. He flinched and whimpered, then rolled off the couch.
“Jeez dude, it’s just Alice Angel!” He gets scared too easily. We played for hours until I made some microwavable mac ‘n’ cheese cups for dinner.
“Let me guess, you live off of these,” Shayne supposed. I chuckled.
“You know me too well, Shayne.” The rest of the night was spent binging Stranger Things and shouting inside jokes at each other. We literally scared the cats!
I’m not sure when exactly we fell asleep, but I woke up in my bed, the cats lounging on my face, and Shayne was laying face-first on the floor. I groaned as I sat up and stretched.
“Ugggh, what happened last night?” Shayne queried, not moving an inch.
“You act as if we had a raging party and you’re still hungover!”
“Well, Mountain Dew and Stranger Things binging does that to people!” He protested, pushing himself up. “What time is it?” I look at the clock. Holy s**t, it’s 10:30!
“10:30, and we need to get ready fast! Remember, Ian’s place at noon?” Shayne scrambled to the shower while I made coffee and set out cereal, I cleaned the litterbox and put out food for Zelda and Freyja, and generally tidied up the place until Shayne was out of the shower and dressed. Then I got in and washed. When I returned, I set the coffee mugs in the sink along with our cereal bowls and put away the milk. We got in my car at 11:31. Unfortunately, we hit all the red lights. At one of the last few lights, it turned to red at the last second.
“C’mon!” Shayne yelled at the light. Then it hit. The car behind us didn’t slow down in time and crashed into my trunk. We heard the crunch and my car jolted forward. Shayne and I looked at each other. The time was 11:56. So we had to deal with the crash and get my car to the repair shop, and Shayne got an Uber back to my place (he has a key) to get his stuff and then to his place. So I stayed at the repair shop all day, and the prices were really high. I could repair my car or get a new one for about the same price, so I just got a new one. I did all the paperwork and got my keys and stuff, and drove home. I checked my phone. Oh, God.
There were tons of texts from Ian and a few from Shayne, checking in on me. I responded to Shayne’s first. Then I read Ian’s.
Ian: Dude, we start in like, 10 minutes! Where are you?
Ian: Dames, you HAVE to show up. Represent Smosh Games!
Ian: Do this for the company!
Ian: What time did you wake up this morning? ARE YOU STILL ASLEEP?!
Ian: Damien, 5 more minutes! If you don’t show up I’ll… I’m not sure yet. I may have to fire you, but none of us are employed right now… I’ll block you! On everything!
Ian: WHAT THE H**L! WE NEED YOU HERE!
Ian: Courtney’s worried. EVERYONE is wondering where you and Shayne are.
Ian: Wait, Shayne IS with you, right?
Ian: We’re going to start soon! HURRY UP, DAMES!
Ian: RUN A RED LIGHT
Ian: WAKE UP
Ian: Whatever the case is!
Ian: Damien, what the h**l? This doesn’t look good to potential buyers!
Ian: DAMIEN, IF THIS IS A PRANK I SWEAR TO GOD
Ian: Nevermind, we’re starting without you.
Oh s**t. OH S**T OH S**T OH S**T. I’m screwed.
Damien: OML Ian I am so sorry, we woke up at 10:30 (not bad for a late night) and we were driving, but we hit all the red lights AND a car crashed into our trunk, so I had to go to the repair shop, and by then it was too late. In the end, I just got a new car. I’m really sorry man.
It was a few more minutes before Ian responded.
Ian: It’s fine. They didn’t buy Smosh anyways. We’re done for. Matt isn’t helping anymore, Boze is leaving, half of Smosh Games is only part-time, and we all have other things we do too. Smosh is over, Damien. I’m sorry.
My whole body shook. I loved my job at Smosh, the shutdown had scared all of us s**tless. I knew for a fact that “the squad” wasn’t going to quit. They were going to stick around, unlike Smosh Games members do. I wondered if he’d already told everyone else. Well, if they were at the meeting, they knew we wouldn’t be a part of Mythical Entertainment. But did Ian tell them that Smosh itself was going to disappear? I turned on my computer and looked at my resume. I added my time at Smosh Games and generally revised it all. Maybe Shayne’ll want to do some gigs with me.
I woke up the next morning with texts from my group chat “Silly Gooses”, which is just Shayne, Courtney, and I.
Courtney: Hey damimimimien we goin to mcdonalds wanna comee
Courtney: Damimimimimien haaaaaaaaaas wake upp
Courtney: DAMIEN I SWEAR TO GOD GET UP OR WE’RE GONG WITHOUT YOU
Shayne: Did you forget you were on the group chat Court? YOU WOKE ME UP
Courtney: Sory shanye tope
Shayne: Autocorrect or lazy Courtney?
Courtney: M probably both
Courtney: Is this better, Shayne?
Shayne: Yeah. So are you coming or not, Dames?
I ignored Courtney’s silly typos. Luckily, Shayne’s text was from just minutes ago. I was excited to get to see my friends again so we can talk about our plans for the future. I’m going to try more acting, and I’m sure Shayne will too. Courtney, I’m not sure about. She could do a lot. She could be a comedian, an actress, she’s great at a lot of things. She could even be a gamer! Ian will probably settle for some business career or go back to school. I snapped out of my weird half-asleep condition and got ready for the day, but not before responding to the chat:
Damien: Be there ASAP
When I arrived at the nearby Mickey D’s, almost all of the tables were put together to form one large table, with Joven, Mari, Wes, Lasercorn, Olivia, Courtney, Noah, Keith, Shayne, Matt, Boze, Tanner, Ian, and a few others were all gathered at the large table.
“I just feel so bad, I mean, I let everyone down,” Ian lamented, “because, like, we said in our first video since Defy Media shut down, ‘this isn’t going to stop us, we’re still going to make content,’ but now, it’s all a lie.”
“But we can all still have individual channels, this doesn’t mean we’re all exiled from YouTube society,” Lasercorn commented.
“Of course,” Ian agreed as I took a seat in between Shayne and Courtney. “Oh, hey Damien.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the meeting yesterday, and I’m sorry if that has anything to do with us dispersing.”
“No, red lights and car collisions totally aren’t your fault, D,” Boze assured me. I smiled weakly at her.
“Yeah, we’re not sure why they scheduled a whole meeting and bought us sandwiches and stuff, maybe they felt bad,” Wes thought aloud.
“What’s everyone planning on doing now?” I asked.
“Gigs?” Shayne asked me hopefully.
“Yeah, maybe we can set up a time to look for stuff together, I’ve contacted your agent about maybe hiring him.”
“Sweet.” Courtney cleared her throat and looked down. Is she nervous? Why would she be nervous?
“I think I want to be a singer. I think this little known singer and rapper named Lizzo is my inspiration. She’s getting more popular. Anyone heard of her?” Everyone shook their heads. Joven spoke up first.
“That’s great Courtney, you have real talent when it comes to singing!” We all murmured our agreement.
“I’m going to try comedy or acting, whichever I get first,” Noah announced.
“I guess Courtney and I were thinking alike, I wanna be a singer too,” Keith chuckled.
“Who inspired you?” Courtney prompted.
“Well duh, Courtney!” Noah exclaimed.
“Michael Jackson!” We all knew it.
“I want to try modeling or photography,” Olivia open-mindedly spoke.
“Hm, something new! I like it, you’d be a great model!” Boze complimented.
“Thanks! How about you?”
“I don’t know, maybe I’ll go back to Twitch streaming or try some acting stuff. Y’know, I’m really into improv like we did on Smosh and Order. THAT was fun, with no punishments involved!” We all laughed.
“I think most of us are going to continue gaming on our own channels,” Mari spoke for the Games members. They all nodded but Wes, who objected.
“I’m going to go back to editing. I’ll edit videos for other YouTubers like I did for you all, before I joined as an actual member.”
“Yeah, great job, Wes!” We all clapped. He blushed and changed the subject.
“Ian? Matt? Tanner? Anyone else want to share?”
“Nah, we’re hungry!” Tanner snarled goofily. We all stood up and swarmed the cashier, all of us splitting the bill (Ian volunteered to pay the remainder, that nice guy). We ate and chatted like old friends. We promised to stay in touch and meet up often, even with our new crazy schedules.
Well, it’s been a while since Smosh officially announced it’s quitting of the YouTube industry. All the Smosh Games members mentioned their own channels and the rest of us just told the fans to keep their eyes on celebrities. Sure enough, “CoMill” and Keith Leak Jr. made it big as hit singers, Olivia is a popular clothing and makeup model, Shayne, Noah, Boze, and I are all well-known actors (and the one actress), Wes has even gotten into drag as a popular night show star “Lady Sugar”, we’re all happy with where we are and what we’re doing. But if Ian ever mentions getting Smosh back together, I’ll be the first in line to sign the contract.