Chapter 1: A Cup of Ammonia in the Morning
I’ve always had coffee in the morning, ever since living with my mom. Or back then, it was tea, but that’s something I generally avoid now. When she was forced to move to the hospital, I started having coffee with Fuyumi. It was the only time I got to spend with her for a long time, and it always made it feel like if I got through the night, it was worth waking up, even if it was often spent in comforting silence.
Maybe that’s why it’s so weird for me now, sitting on the balcony outside my room with a cup of morning coffee. It’s not an unwelcomed change necessarily, but bittersweet to be alone with a mug on my first morning in the dorm. Maybe a bit unsettling though, with how quiet it is. Not that I would talk with them, but there was the scribbling of grades of papers and the clink of their own cups.
Now, the birds are even still asleep and the only person I’ve seen up is Aizawa, and I’m pretty sure he was just getting off of night patrol. Bakugo, who I remember with an eye roll lives below me, isn’t even screaming or exploding yet.
I had mixed feelings about moving to the dorms, but ultimately, the need to get away from my father took away any hesitance. Plus, it’s different now. If it had been the start of the year, I don’t know how I would’ve handled it. But since the sports festival… well, since Midoriya, everything is different.
I shake my head, not allowing myself to start thinking of the green haired boy. He’s been a fixture in my head lately and I still haven’t quite made sense of it. I’m sure it has to do with the boy’s worrying habit of injuring himself and getting into trouble.
I try not to think of it at all. Soon he’ll be downstairs, having morning coffee with Uraraka and Iida, probably going over notes with Iida and blushing every time Uraraka gets too close as she’s having a sip of her tea as he drinks black coffee.
I don’t know why the thought of it makes my cream-filled coffee smell like ammonia.
I sigh. It’s a nice morning and I shouldn’t ruin it for myself. My first morning here should be appreciating the people I have, not being upset over my friend spending time with our other friends.
Besides, the sun is still just starting to rise, showing the early summer trees and leaving the air smelling like ammonia…
Okay wait, that’s definitely not my coffee.
I sniff the air around me, curious. Could this be another villain attack? I set down my mug and stand, looking around for anything suspicious. There’s nothing by the gate and nothing around the dorm, so where is that smell coming from?
I start to move towards the side of the balcony when a voice makes me jump.
“Can you stop huffing the air, Half-and-Half? Some of us are trying to enjoy their coffee.” Bakugo calls from below me and I pause, surprised with the fact he’s even awake. Although I guess it makes sense since he told everyone he was going to bed at around 8 last night. I shake the thought from my head and move back to my task.
“Do you not smell that?” I call down and he sighs.
“If it’s the nitrogen smell, that’s me.” He says and I lean over the rail to see him. He glares right back as I look around his patio, only to see a disarming cup of coffee, along with a blanket draped on his lap and some lights hung on the railing. It’s a surprisingly quaint sight, I think as I meet eyes with Bakugo.
“But you normally smell like caramel.” I argue and he raises an eyebrow.
“And how exactly do you know that?”
“Your quirk is literally sweating a potent gas and Aizawa likes to force us to spare.”
“Fair.” He decides, sipping his coffee and I find myself surprised at how calm the explosive boy is being. Maybe he just acts like this in the morning, or maybe he’s also assuming most people are asleep.
Either way, he’s never like this, so maybe it’s okay to talk to him today.
“So, why the ammonia?” I try again and he rolls his eyes, but answers regardless.
“Adding ammonia to my coffee boosts my quirk. It’s not toxic since my body demands so much nitrogen.” He explains and I raise an eyebrow.
“Couldn’t you just use straight nitroglycerin?” I suggest and he looks confused for a second before snorting.
“You need to stop hanging out with the nerd so much.” He lets out a low chuckle. “You’re starting to act like him.”
“Is that such a bad thing?”
“Probably.” He responds, sipping his coffee. “My body already has everything else in it, so it just bonds with the ammonia when I drink it.” He reasons and I’m now just leaning on my railing on my elbows, looking down at Bakugo.
“Why take elements out of your body that you need to function?” I ask and he scoffs.
“Why don’t you mind your own business?” He refutes, only a mild spark coming out of his hand. I raise an eyebrow.
“Just an idea. It would probably be less strain on your body.”
“Why the fuck are trying to help me, Icy-Hot?” He asks and I realize I have no idea why I’m helping him. I shrug.
“Not sure.” I admit and he snorts.
“Whatever. Leave me alone and drink your milky shit.” He says and part of me is tempted to ask just how he knew I take cream in my coffee, but I decide against it. I move away from the railing and sit back in my chair, picking up my lukewarm coffee, wondering if living above Bakugo is going to be more quiet than originally anticipated.
The next morning, when I wake up, my porch smells like caramel instead of ammonia. I don’t even try to hide my smirk to myself as I lean over the railing, sipping my “milky shit”.
Luckily only one of my eyebrows gets singed.
Chapter 2: I Don’t Hate It
Shitty Hair has been spending the night in my room almost every day since we moved in.
It’s not like I dislike it, I guess. It’s just that it means I can’t sit in my room and get ready as early as I’d like and well, it’s starting to get irritating.
But I don’t hate it as much as I thought I would. And that almost makes me hate it more.
So I sit on my balcony for the fourth day in a row, listening as Icy-Hot plays guitar. I know he probably knows I’m down here, and I have to say that I’m curious as to when he had time to learn to play guitar, but I also don’t want to break the calm.
If I’ve learned one thing from my first few days in these damn dorms, it’s that calm isn’t an option most of the time. Not with Sparky living the floor below Shitty Hair, and all of the idiots staying up all hours of the night.
At least Shitty Hair settles down when we’re in my room. We play video games or study or just talk sometimes, and last night had gone from the middle to the latter, meaning that I got no studying done at all.
Despite the fact I woke up extra early to make up for lost time, I can’t seem to make myself regret it. Especially not with Shitty Hair laying on my bed inside.
I still haven’t figured out why I don’t hate that.
Or maybe I have, but that doesn’t mean I have to acknowledge it.
So now it’s just me on my deck, with my cup of significantly less shitty nitroglycerin coffee (not that I'd ever admit it out loud) while listening to Icy-Hot play some kind of music that I’m pretty sure my mom used to listen to. It’s surprisingly not a shitty feeling as I look over my literature notes, trying to get ahead for the upcoming semester.
The truth is that things have been different since I was taken by the league. I know that Shitty Hair and Icy-Hot had led the plan with Glasses, Ponytail, and Deku, who was still injured at the time. It’s made me think a bit, at least about Shitty Hair.
I was told after coming back that he had been the one to start it all. That he had been scared and determined to get me back.
He wanted to save me, and for some reason, I can’t find it in me to hate that.
And so, if he wants to sleep in my bed every night, I guess I can’t really fault him.
I just wish I wasn’t actually starting to like it.
“Good morning.” Icy-Hot says from above me as the guitar cuts off abruptly and I find myself raising a questioning eyebrow at the fact that he’s not leaning over the rail like he normally greets me.
“Oh, don’t let me interrupt.” Deku responds, answering my unspoken question, voice scratchy with sleep in a way I haven’t heard since we were little and comfortable with each other.
“You’re not interrupting. I’m just practicing.” Icy-Hot says and I can hear Deku huff a tired laugh.
“I didn’t even know you played.” He says, and there’s shifting and the clatter of coffee cups, along with a small “thank you” from Icy-Hot.
“My brother played. He would always be playing around the house. When he went missing, my sister was devastated, so I picked it up.” He tells Deku and I can feel my own eyes widen in surprise. Despite overhearing most of Todoroki’s life story, there’s still so much I don’t know about the guy living above me.
But Deku must know this already, because I can hear the understanding smile in his voice.
“Then play for me.” He whispers and part of me feels like I’m intruding on them as Todoroki lets out a small laugh.
“Okay.” He says softly and I find myself almost smirking. Almost.
It doesn’t take a genius to see the way that Half-and-Half looks at Deku. The way he smiles at him when he isn’t looking and worries every time he’s injured. The only problem is that there’s no way Deku sees it. Not with the way he’s always looking at Round Cheeks.
But I can smell Icy-Hot’s cream in his coffee from here, and I know Deku has never liked his coffee sweet. And I can see the blanket that Deku must’ve brought out as it hangs down on the porch enough for me to see it. And I can hear Deku’s relaxed breath and how Icy-Hot picks up his guitar, and for some reason, it sounds different now, as if it’s just meant for Deku.
So, maybe neither of them know that anyone around them would see that they’re having a moment. Maybe they don’t even know they’re having one. But no matter how much I may dislike Deku at times, and no matter how fucking annoying Half-and-Half can be, I decide to let them have this as I sit quietly, drinking my coffee as silently as possible.
Part of me wonders if this is how I’ve been with Shitty-Hair. If I’ve been doing domestic shit like this with him and not realizing that it might mean something. Maybe it’s always meant something to him. Maybe I mean something to him.
The thought makes my hands spark against my coffee mug and I try to take a breath.
I guess it’s time to admit it to myself.
I look over to the door to my dorm as he appears, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he slides open the door.
Or I can do that later.
He opens his mouth to greet me and I press a finger to my lips to signal for him to be quiet before pointing up. His lips form an understanding “o” and he nods, ignoring the other chair on my porch in favor of sitting on my lap. He sits rigid, as if he’s already expecting me to shove him off like I normally do, but I let myself have a moment to stare at him instead. His hair blowing around his face after probably being deflated by my pillow, and his eyes flicker shut as he listens to the music and I can’t help but think he looks kinda pretty as he sits on my lap, for someone so manly. A manly sort of pretty.
I almost chuckle to myself at how much I sound like him, even in my own head. Almost.
I sneak an arm around his waist and pull him closer, and he lets out a quiet squeak before slamming a hand on his mouth, but it’s too late as the guitar stops again. A bush of green hair peaks over the edge of the railing, eyes wide but soft with sleep.
“Oh. Morning Kirishima. Kacchan.” He has a nervous smile on his face and I let out a sigh, pulling Shitty Hair closer to me.
“Morning.” I answer quietly and he lets out a breath of relief at that. His eyes move to where my arm is wrapped around Kirishima and his smile grows a bit, but he doesn’t mention it as he moves back to his position, blanket moving as if he’s rewrapping himself in it.
“Keep playing.” Deku answers him and I look to see Kirishima looking up, cheeks red and a small smile on his face. He leans his head back against my shoulder and I clench my hands into fists so the sparks don’t hit him.
So, I like him. That doesn’t mean that anything has to change, I think as I take a sip of my coffee, letting a content smile grow on my lips. All that matters is that I can be with him for as long as I can.
As Icy-Hot’s music starts playing again, I lean my head on Shitty Hair’s, Kirishima’s, head, hoping that no matter what happens, no matter how many mistakes I make, this boy will keep on trying to save me.
Because whether or not I admit it, I don’t hate it.
Chapter 3: Porch Plant
If you don’t want a manga spoiler, disregard this note
I know technically Bakugo just canonly told Izuku and Todoroki that he knows, but Todoroki has like, no reaction at all so I have this headcanon that Todoroki already knew Bakugo knew. So, this chapter happened.
I hope you all enjoy it!
Getting UA to let me visit my mom wasn’t easy.
Mostly because the campus is for our safety, so getting a pass to leave school to go across Tokyo to visit a mental facility without explaining why or who I was visiting wasn’t easy.
But it was part of my agreement with my father after the sports festival. If I was going to become a hero, I wanted to do it my way, and that meant seeing the one person that made me want to still become a hero when my father was trying to beat the idea into me.
But it had been worth it to talk to my mom. I was able to explain to her why I couldn’t visit as often and that I’d send her notes. She told me it was fine, that she was still thankful I started visiting her in the first place.
It was a nice visit though. I brought flowers and she gave me a plant for my room.
Only problem is that I have no idea how to take care of it.
So about a week later, I’m sitting on my porch, looking at a half dead plant. I’ve looked up how to take care of a plant, tried giving it sunlight and water and yet it’s just wilting.
I watch as the wind blows off a branch of the bushy plant and sigh.
“What the fuck is this?” I hear a voice from below me and groan. The last thing I need is Bakugo being mad about my dead bush.
“It’s a plant.”
“No shit.” He responds and I sigh, leaning over the railing to look down at him, only to see a medley of leaves scattered around his porch that all look suspiciously similar to the ones on my plant.
“Shit.” I mutter, looking at all the leaves and he groans.
“Do you even know how to take care of a plant?”
“Of course I do!” I lie and he raises an eyebrow at me and I am not in the mood to deal with this. I move back to look at my dying plant and he sighs.
“I’m coming up.” He tells me and before I can even respond, his door opens and slams shut as I raise my eyebrow.
Bakugo is coming to my room? Why? So he can yell at me properly over my dead plant?
I pinch the bridge of my nose, taking a breath.
Like I need Bakugo to come up here and yell at me over a plant dying when he doesn’t even know how mad I already am about it.
I cover my eyes with my hand.
I can’t even keep her goddamn plant alive. How the hell am I supposed to become a good hero?
How am I supposed to save her?
I hear the telltale sign of my balcony door open and I instantly regret not locking the door to my dorm.
I look up to Bakugo, half ready to send him off the porch with my ice when he walks past me and straight to the plant, kneeling down next to it.
“Have you been leaving it out here this whole time?” He asks me and I shrug.
“It’s summer. I figured the sunlight would help.”
“Well it’s fucking killing it.” He tells me and I raise an eyebrow.
“I thought plants needed sun.” I question and he rolls his eyes.
“Doesn’t mean it has to be in the fucking direct sunlight. That can kill a lot of plants. Do you even know what kind of fucking plant this is?” He asks and I roll my eyes.
“No! No it’s not!” He shouts and I try not to look too shocked as he starts pulling off leaves.
“What the hell are you doing to my mom’s plant?!” I yell back at him and he falters for a second before continuing.
“You have to get rid of the dead leaves to let the healthy ones grow.” He tells me, letting out a sigh. He glances back at me for a second. “So, your mom.” He starts and I try not to sound defensive as I respond.
“What about her?” I question and he looks down at the pile of leaves.
“I didn’t realize you still talk to her.” He says and I feel myself stiffen.
“What do you mean?”
“I think you already know.” He tells me, rolling his eyes. “I don’t fucking regret it because you were talking to Deku really fucking loud, but I heard everything you said to him.” He tells me and part of me wants to kick his ass off the deck, but another part of me realizes that he’s not wrong. It wasn’t responsible to talk to Midoriya about it out in the open like that, but for some reason, it felt like I had to. Like I owed him an explanation to something I’ve never had to explain before.
But that doesn’t mean I have to be happy Bakugo knows.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I ask and he scoffs.
“Was it necessary for me to tell you before? No.” He reasons and I hate that I can’t really argue that logic, so I drop the subject.
“I started seeing her again after the sports festival.” I tell him and he sighs.
“So that nerd really did get to you.”
“Why do you make fun of him?” I snap, hating how I can feel my hands change temperature. “He’s nothing but kind to you and you treat him like shit.”
“It’s not your fucking business, Half-and-Half!” He shouts and I roll my eyes as he stands, only to move my plant in the shade by my door. He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I get that you’re pissed, but be mad about your shit, not mine.” He growls and I let out a long sigh.
“Sorry. I’m just upset.” I admit. If he already knows, then I guess it doesn’t matter. “I can’t take care of this damn plant.” I tell him, sighing and he looks down.
“Just fucking tell me if it’s dying again.” He says, going towards the door before stopping. “Also, if you need to talk about your shit, just don’t be an idiot. We have dorms now.” He suggests and I roll my eyes.
“Thanks for the advice.” I snap and he rolls his eyes.
“I’m trying to be a decent neighbor!” He says and I raise an eyebrow as he turns to me.
“By coming up here, yelling at me, and basically telling me to shut up about my problems?”
“Fuck, that’s not what I mean.” He growls and I sigh.
“I mean I live downstairs!” He says and I stop for a second, trying to figure out what kind of cruel joke he…
“Oh.” I say, connecting the dots in my head. He’s trying to tell me that I can talk to him.
“Yeah.” He murmurs, looking off to the side as if he’s embarrassed. Guilt hits me as I realize that this really is Bakugo trying to be nice.
And I’m treating him like absolute shit.
“Shit.” I murmur and he rolls his eyes.
“Whatever, I’m going back-”
“I’m sorry.” I cut him off and he frowns as he looks back at me, rolling his eyes.
“Listen. Family shit is tough, and if Deku and I are the only ones that know about it, then I get it if you need to talk about it. Especially if you’re getting a stick up your butt about a plant.” He says and yeah, this is Bakugo trying to be nice. He’s trying right now, and something in that makes my chest warm.
I sigh, looking at my plant.
“It’s the first thing she’s given to me since what happened. And I have no idea how to take care of it.” I admit to him and he scoffs.
“And you’re upset about that?” He says, collecting the dead leaves in his hands and blowing them up. “You haven’t talked to her for years. She probably didn’t know what to get you is all. It’s not some kind of fucking test.” He tells me and I shrug.
“I guess I have gotten her flowers every time I’ve visited.”
“Exactly. She doesn’t exactly know a lot about you at this point in your life. Don’t think this is some kind of statement or fucking sign.” He says and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
“Fuck yeah I am.” He says rolling his eyes again. It seems forced, as if it’s a defensive motion, and I wonder if that’s just right now or if that’s always how he is. I don’t mention it though as he continues. “I’m coming back up tomorrow to see if it looks any better.” He tells me, going towards the door and I smile. Maybe he’s always like this and I just haven’t noticed.
“Fuck off.” He says and closes the door and I can’t help the laugh that leaves my throat.
He may be nice, but he’s still Bakugo.
Chapter 4: Cooking Mama
My hands spark as I pace around my room.
I almost hurt All Might.
Training our special moves today had been going great, until that fucking rock had gone haywire.
And I almost fucking hurt All Might.
My hands pop loudly and I find myself happy that this room is quirk-proof or else I know the walls would burn soon.
And of course fucking Deku saved All Might. Of course he did! He has a similar quirk and All Might looks after him and…
I can’t think about this. I can’t think about fucking Deku and fucking All Might and the fact that I fucking ended All Might.
A sob rips through me and I growl back at it, a loud boom echoing in my room.
I find myself shivering suddenly and I sigh. Great. Now I’m really losing it.
“Fuck!” I turn around to pace the other direction only to nearly run into a long pole of ice from the vent on the ceiling, a note attached to the end of it. Looking up to the vent, I roll my eyes at the fact we have quirk-proof rooms and yet the vents go straight through to other floors. Wait until Kaminari and Sero find out their smoke will travel. I take the note off of the pole, hating that my vision is still blurry as I read it.
Are you okay?
I snort before I can stop myself. “Who the fuck else would it be?” I call up and the pole disappears. A few moments later, a new one is sent down.
Could be a weirdo. You’d never you.
I look at the note baffled before realizing that Icy-Hot just made a fucking joke. I also realize Icy-Hot is a dumbass.
“How the fuck am I supposed to send notes back up?” I shout and there’s a good minute before the pole retracts before returning with a new note.
Hadn’t thought that far.
The pole melts as I roll my eyes. Great. Now my carpet is soaked too. I walk over to my closet and grab an old All Might towel Auntie Inko gave me, shaking my head.
Fucking All Might and fucking Deku and why aren’t I enough!
“Dammit!” I shout, throwing the towel at the spot Icy-Hot left on the floor, my lip trembling before I can stop it.
At least now Icy-Hot will leave me alone.
The thought isn’t as comforting as I thought it’d be.
“Fuck.” I murmur, wiping a tear from my eye when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door. I groan, wiping my eyes as I walk over to answer it.
“What the fuck do you want?” I say to the figure standing there before actually looking at who it is. I don’t know why it surprises me to see Icy-Hot outside my door, but it does as he stands there’s in pajama pants and a tank top, holding two Nintendo DS’s and a tea pot.
“Well, I think that Kirishima went to go visit his family, so I figured I’d try to do what he would do.” He tells me and I scoff, trying to push back my blush.
“Well I don’t want to deal with you.” I tell him, going to slam the door when a block of ice is suddenly stopping it from closing. Half-and-Half walks in before I can think to stop him.
“Just because I’m not your boyfriend doesn’t mean you don’t need someone right now.” He justifies, grabbing two mugs from my shelf as if he’s been in my room before and starts making us tea, fire lit from his hand warming up the pot. My hands spark before I can stop them.
“He’s not my boyfriend!” I yell without thinking and Icy-Hot raises an eyebrow, glancing at me.
“We’ll get into that later.” He says and I groan as he walks over and hands me a cup of tea. Then he walks over to my futon and sits on it, opening up one of the DS consoles as he sips his own tea. I look at the cup in my hand and note that it’s chamomile, and also that he used a teapot. I raise an eyebrow.
“You drink tea?” I ask him without thinking and he goes frigid for a second, looking down at the cup in his hand.
“Only when I can’t sleep. And when I heat it up myself.” He tells me and I internally curse. Maybe it’s the mood I’m in or maybe it’s how fucking tired I am, but I didn’t mean to actually ask the question. Especially after he got so sappy talking about it the other day, I probably should’ve left that alone. He changes the subject without mentioning it further though as he sets down his cup.
“Are you playing or not?” He asks and I look down at my cup and then to the boy who has made himself at home.
“Why are you doing this?” I find myself asking and he shrugs.
“I understand panic attacks.” He answers simply and I wait for him to elaborate as he looks back to his console. He doesn’t.
He’s taking all this time to help me and that’s his reason?
He really is a dumbass.
But I can’t deny the fact that his company is better than nothing right now, and he hasn’t said anything about the fact tears are still running down my face, so I can’t really be all that mad.
I sigh, resigning to my fate as I sit down next to him with the cup of tea he handed me, not bothering picking up the second DS as I look over his shoulder to see what he’s playing.
“Really? Cooking Mama?”
“It’s calming and informative.” He tells me and I can’t help the small chuckle that comes out of me at the information. He glances over, surprised but seemingly pleased. I roll my eyes.
“Wanna see who gets more stars on each recipe?” I ask and breathes a laugh, a smirk growing on his face.
Chapter 5: Feelings, Man
Triggers: mentions of suicide, abuse, and homophobia (all on the mild side)
“Bakugo, let me in!”
In all of my time knowing Bakugo, I never thought there would be a time where I was the one screaming and being ignored, but I guess the tables have turned as I bang on Bakugo’s door. Despite everything that has happened today, nobody tries to stop me; not even Iida, who’s the dorm below Bakugo.
I’ve been told by many of my classmates that I’m terrifying when I’m angry, and the fact that not even Aizawa, who’s been patrolling since the fight, has told me to be quiet must be a sentiment to that.
But I’m not angry. No, I’m past angry. I’m livid and I’ll break down this door if I have to.
Because when the two of them came back to the dorm, Midoriya had to go straight to Recovery Girl because of his injuries. He won’t look anyone in the eye and won’t tell me what happened.
So I just have a few questions for Bakugo.
“Don’t make me break this door!”
But he’s not letting me in and for some reason, that makes me more angry.
I just want to know what happened and why it had to happen after we both failed the licensing exam.
Because frankly, the day has been bad enough as is. Endeavor has been sending me messages all day and I really had planned on just hanging out with Midoriya until I calmed down, only to find out that he’s fucking injuried because Bakugo can’t hold his anger in for more than a minute.
And seeing Midoriya seeing Recovery Girl again, with no fucking rational explaination…
I ice the lock on the door before melting it so much that the metal of the lock cracks.
Maybe even livid is an understatement.
I open the door only for Bakugo to snap towards it, eyes wide in something like horror. It’s a new look on him, and some sick part of me finds satisfaction in it.
“What the fu-”
“You have some explaining to do and you better start right now.” I demand and he gapes at me.
“You just broke my door and then expect to boss me around?! ”
“Yes!” I shout and he gives me a tired look, as if this conversation is a waste of time, which only makes me want to have it more.
“It doesn’t matter, Half-and-Half.” He mutters and a sound comes out of my throat that sounds like a mix between a groan and a growl and I hardly even recognize it.
But he hurt Midoriya. He hurt him because he failed a fucking exam.
“Yes it fucking matters!” I scream and I watch as his eyes widen, as he has never seen me like this before. I take a breath, and Bakugo flinches as it comes out as steam. “Why did you feel it necessary to beat up Midoriya.”
“He isn’t fucking helpless. I went to Recovery Girl too.” He reasons, turning away from me and I roll my eyes.
“I know he isn’t, but you started it!” I yell and he gives me a tired look over his shoulder.
“My reasons and my problems with Deku have nothing to do with you.”
“Bullshit, Bakugo.” I say, walking up to him as if on instinct, hand tangling in the front of his tanktop. His eyes narrow as he looks up at me. “Is this really because we failed?” I ask him and he scoffs, shoving me off of him.
“Fuck off, Icy-Hot! You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He tells me, running a hand through his hair as he turns towards the porch.
“Then enlighten me.” I chuckle coldly and watch as his shoulder heave, as if he’s taking a deep sigh.
“This doesn’t have to do with today. Deku and I have had problems since we were kids. Or I guess, I’ve caused problems between us.” He tells me and I don’t know which one of us it is, but the temperature of the room changes.
“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to remain calm, while Bakugo seems unable to do anything but the opposite.
“I mean I did terrible things when we were kids!” He yells and I take a breath.
“What did you do to him?”
“What haven’t I done to him?!” Bakugo shouts, and it’s something like panic and my stomach drops at his words. I feel my quirk flare up as something dangerous pumps through my chest, but I try to keep it down. I try to listen, because he’s talking now and I’m the one who asked to hear it.
“You have about ten seconds before your room is filled with steam.” I warn him, voice chopped because I know I won’t be able to hold it much longer and he closes his eyes, looking at the ground.
“I used to bully him. Treat him like shit. Once told him to jump off the fucking roof.” He tells me, voice calm and I feel myself freeze in a way that makes me question if I actually froze.
“You did what? ”
“You heard me.” He murmurs, voice weak and I don’t know what I’m feeling, but it’s not good. It’s not okay. It’s dangerous, as I take a breath, not trusting myself to do anything else. He continues. “Today was overdue. We had things we both needed to talk about.”
“Yeah, I guess you did.” I whisper and even that sounds bitter. Cold. Like before I met Midoriya and could hardly look anyone in the eye.
What if I never met Midoriya? What if he… what if he had listened to Bakugo?
I take a breath, and it’s shaking so bad that Bakugo actually turns to me, eyes worried. It makes me feel like vomiting.
“Icy-Hot.” He walks towards me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I back away from it.
What if he had listened?
I don’t realize I’ve said it out loud until Bakugo recoils as if I burned him without touching him. He looks down. “That’s part of why we had to talk today.”
“Did you talk about it?”
“In a way.”
“Bakugo, did you talk to him?” I ask and he takes a breath, as if realizing the conversation we’re having.
“Why the fuck do you care?” He asks, eyes narrow, and I’m almost tempted to scoff.
“Because what if he listens?” I ask and his hand tangles in my shirt, as if he’s supposed to be angry, but as he stares at my chest, it seems far from.
“How do you know that?”
“Because he’s Deku.” He says quietly and I try to slow my breathing. “He’s Deku. He never gives up.”
“I can’t lose him.” I whisper before I know what I’m saying and he looks up at me.
“Why do you care?” He asks and I shake my head.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Why do you care though?” He asks again, as if my answer doesn’t make sense and it only serves to make me mad again.
“I already said, because I can’t lose him.” I say, almost in disbelief and he scoffs.
“Why can’t you lose him?”
“Because I’m in love with him!” I scream before the thought even processes in my head and I watch as the steam disappears, along with the air in my lungs. Bakugo stares at me with wide eyes as I realize what I just said.
I’m… I’m in love with Midoriya.
God, what does this mean? Am I gay? I’ve never liked anyone else, let alone been in love with...
Oh my god. I’m in love with Midoriya.
“Icy-Hot. Take a breath.” He tells me, putting a hand on my shoulder and I can’t even move.
I’m in love with him.
“I-I can’t be.” My voice doesn’t sound like my own. It sounds so small compared to the booming voice that’s been filing this room. It’s a voice I haven’t heard since a time where bandages covered my face and I didn’t know that green meant safety.
“Hey, talk to me.” Bakugo’s voice tries to calm me and I take a breath.
I failed my licensing exam and realize I’m in love with a boy. The boy my father wants me to surpass nonetheless.
Oh my god, what happens if my father finds out.
“He can fucking deal with it.” Bakugo says and I really need to stop thinking out loud.
“I-I don’t know, Bakugo. He’s already mad about the… the test and…” My thoughts are spread out at I realize what this means. “I… I’m in love with Midoriya.” I say again, and it sounds like the worst thing to ever happen. It sounds like something that I’d write on a tombstone, and the way Bakugo’s eyes flicker down doesn’t help.
“Don’t worry about what your old man will think. That’s not the important thing.” He tells me and I scoff, turning away from him.
“You’re saying that me realizing I’m in love with my straight best friend is what we should be focusing on?” I ask in disbelief and he sighs.
“How about we just don’t focus on anything?” He says quietly, and for some reason, I find myself nodding despite the fact I have no idea how not to think about everything that happened today.
So I sit down next to him on his couch and this time, he picks up the DS that I had Momo make a few days ago for him and watch him play, trying not to think about us failing today or my father or the straight boy I’m apparently in love with.
I sigh leaning against Bakugo and he scoffs, but doesn’t push me away.
And we don’t speak as he cooks tempura shrimp on the small screen.