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Son of a Gun

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Did I save you Oliver? That day I meet you.
I sometimes think I did, but it's not that simple.
I guess I became your father by sheer coincidence.
One moment I'm nobody, the next I'm making a choice to be somebody.
Fumbling in the dark I try this thing called fatherhood.
It's not that easy taking someone else's life in your hand, but I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it.
I wonder if that's true though.
How could someone like me, know how to be your father, When I never really understood my own life.
You get one choice in war, die now or try to live knowing that the next, could be your last.
If you're reading this I'm probably dead.
I've never been a religious person, after all I was made in a loop, no chains, no God, just what life brought me.
One day you wake up in a cloning facility with thousens others all the same, no difference, nothing special and all with one goal, to fight a war, to drop dead like flies every second of everyday, like mindless drones fighting a war with no end in site, a war that wasn't ours, a war no one ever expected us to live through, the next your cast out like trash, like a worthless price of used hardware, something they want to forget, something inhuman, something less then trash.
But in the dark when I least expected it, something happens, something that brought me hope, but also scared me half to death, it ended the mindness cycle of my existence.
I wonder sometimes if I'm the father you deserved, that how I've been is how a dad should be, but I have no way of knowing.
It freaks me out sometimes, but with every little smile, I feel something I never thought I could feel, something bigger.
A hope and a purpose bigger than anything I've ever felt before!
I'm not here seeing you running in the streets laughing, because I was told to, I made a choice, a choice more importent then anything I've ever done before.
If this was the last day on earth, I would still be here.
So yeah the day I first met you might have changed both our lives.
But no I didn't save you, you saved me.
And all I can ever say to that Oliver is thank you.