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WhatsApps and Weddings

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WhatsApp Chat: #OneArmandNoEars

Nat: Fuck.

Nat: Fuck.

Nat: Fuck.

Bucky: Hold your horses, slugr. What’s the problem? 10min ago you were happily celebrating that there’s finally a release date for that witch thng on Netflix and now we got tripple fucs.

Nat: I know you only have one arm, but the typos are really pathetic.

Bucky: Siri hates me.

Bucky: This is worth me putting on the other hand for?

Nat: I have to go to Cellie’s wedding on December 30.

Bucky: Hold the fuck on, let me get the arm.

Bucky: Both arms now, all ten fingers. Cellie is enough of a bitch to get married on your goddamn wedding day?

Nat: Aunt Pat says Cellie completely forgot.

Bucky: Bullshit.

Nat: Jamie.

Bucky: No, Tash, she was one of your fucking bridesmaids. She saw. She was there.

Nat: I’m fine, Jamie.

Bucky: Never said you weren’t. Stronger than Teflon, that’s my Tash, but still. This ain’t cool.

Nat: I’m pissed, but I’m fine. I’m just… I don’t want to go.

Bucky: Then don’t.

Nat: Jamie, you’ve met my family. That isn’t going to fly.

Bucky: I’ll go with you.

Nat: Really? You sure? It’s 3 days in Ohio over New Years.

Bucky: We’d be together anyway. And I’m going to be super bummed to miss Stark, Pep, and Stevie making googly eyes at each other for the entire night, but it’s a sacrifice I’ll make for you.

Nat: If you’re sure, I’ll RSVP for us.

Bucky: Just don’t make me eat wedding chicken.

Nat: Oh, only the rubberiest.

Bucky: Tash.

Bucky: Anyone makes one crack, i mean, they breathe out of line, and I will kill them. I will actually kill them and i will only need one hand.

Nat: That won’t be necessary.

Bucky: I’ll be the judge of that, Tash.

Nat: Well, one of the benefits of being deaf is that i have no idea what they’re saying.

Bucky: Yeah, but I’ll know. Tell em I’m deaf, too and then I’ll kill em all when they say what they really think.

Nat: Your opinion of my family is humbling.

Bucky: Do I need to remind you what we’re doing?

Nat: Thanks, Jamie.

Bucky: Of course.


WhatsApp Chat: #BrooklynBoys

Bucky: HELP 911 THIS IS A MAJOR EMERGENCY I DO NOT CARE IF YOU ARE BLOWING STARK YOU WILL ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW.

Bucky: STEVEN GRANT ROGERS.

Bucky: WE ARE TOO MILLENNIAL TO USE THE PHONE BUT SO HELP ME GOD I AM CLOSE.

Steve: Calm down, jesus. Who’s dead?

Bucky: You, punk. 25 minutes? I said emergency.

Steve: I was in the shower, you idiot.

Steve: And I saw the crack about Tony and I don’t appreciate it.

Steve: Seriously Buck.

Bucky: You remember Nat’s cousin Cellie? The one who made fun of Nat’s speaking voice?

Steve: The one whose tires got mysteriously slashed when Clint and Tony disappeared for a few minutes?

Bucky: got it in one.

Bucky: trash can fire planed her wedding on Dec 30 this year

Steve: that is a dick move. One year? Dick move.

Steve: but sorry, that’s not a capslock level emergency. What am I msising?

Steve: missing. Sorry.

Bucky: You are my only person who corrects their grammar at WhatsApp.

Steve: Precision is part of my brand.

Bucky: I told her I’d go with her.

Bucky: 3 days in Ohio. At a wedding. With Nat. In a dress. You know how I feel about Nat in a dress.

Steve: Oh, buddy, you’re fucked.


WhatsApp Chat: #ManagingtheIdiots

Pepper: What do you mean he kissed you?

  Nat: He kissed me.

Pepper: Where?

Nat: On the mouth.

Pepper: I figured that, you muppet. I meant where at the wedding?

Nat: Our room.

Pepper: BACK UP. YOU’RE SHARING A ROOM.

Pepper: WHY AM I FINDING THIS OUT NOW.

Pepper: I’m going to kill steve and tony, i’m sure they knew and they’ve been keeping information from me.

Nat: Because you would have yelled.

Nat: and your boyfriends probably felt the same way.

Pepper: You have been in love with that boy for, what, two years? You bet your incredibly well defined ass I’d yell at you!

Nat: Nothing happened the first two nights. But tonight… well… we were getting ready for the reception and I guess some of my cousins have been asses because he sat me down on the bed and signed so furiously I could barely keep up.

Pepper: *chin hands* what did he say?

Nat: That i was brilliant and beautiful and anyone who ever made me feel less than either of those things would be castrated with a butter knife he’d dragged through tobasco and fire ants.

Pepper: He’s put thought into this.

Nat: And then he grabbed the back of my head and kissed me.

Pepper: oh, I love it when they do that.

Nat: Yeah, so. It was good. Like, Pep, beyond my wildest dreams good.

Nat: I mean, I never and i mean NEVER thought this would happen. It’s why I said yes to Josh, because if I couldn’t have Bucky what did it matter and we’ve been over this so I can see you rolling your eyes and telling me to use my words and all that other nonsense you used to say. But I couldn’t risk it. I’m still scared to risk it.

Pepper: Natasha, my dear, he loves you. You love him. This is not rocket science, even though it feels like it.

Pepper: Natasha?

Pepper: You paused. I timed it. It’s been three minutes. I NEED DETAILS NATASHA KATHERINE.

Pepper: It’s now been ten minutes and I sincerely hope you’re distracted.

Nat: Sorry, he stalked out and then he came back and things are good.

Pepper: Well, you were gone for an hour, so I hope things are good.

Nat: Let’s just say talking ain’t the only thing his hands are good for.


WhatsApp Chat: #TeamWedding

Pepper: Tony, did you remember to clean the car?

Steve: Of course he didn’t. I’m at the place now.

Tony: In my defense the balloons took up more space than I thought they would

Clint: Whatever, man, I just need to get a shot of the stupid tin cans

Pepper: Sam, you made sure Rhodey has everything he needs?

Sam: All covered, Pepper. Breathe.

Steve: Oh, she hasn’t in at least six months. Not since Nat put her in charge of this.

Pepper: It’s the biggest day of our friends lives and at the rate the rest of us are going, the only one of these we’re going to get. So, YES. I’m taking this seriously.

Tony: I’m still shocked we’re doing the traditional stone church thing.

Steve: I’m not sure Buck coulda convinced Winnie to come otherwise. Some battles.

Tony: Yeah, yeah. He’s gonna cream himself when he sees Nat.

Steve: Why are you so gross.

Pepper: On this one, I’m with Tony. She’s ridiculous.

Steve: I’m ready to see this bridesmaid dress.

Clint: Can we keep the thirst off main, you losers? Family photos start in two hours.

Pepper: Let’s get these lovebirds married.


#WhatsApp Chat: #Us

Bucky: Are you sure you don’t need anything else?

Nat: Just a new hot water bottle.

Nat: And maybe cookies and cream ice cream?

Nat: Oh, and pretzel sticks.

Nat: And that juice you found last time.

Nat: You’re just standing in Wegman’s, aren’t you, waiting for me to finish my list.

Bucky: You and Bean seem to be hungry this trimester. I’m just your humble servant.

Nat: We’d also like Dad to get home.

Nat: She’s the calmest when you’re around.

Nat: Just like I am.

Nat: If you tell anyone ever i said that, I’ll kill you.

Nat: hormones.

Bucky: I love you, too, Tash.

 


 

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