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The Lights We Shatter

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Katsuki Bakugo wasn't sure how long he had been here, or why. All he knew was that he felt, dare he admit, weak. His body just didn't want to move. The white walls around him and a door were all he could see, a white hospital bed and white sheets to match. His arm was hooked to an IV filled with a murky liquid. 

He heard a voice echo down the hall. He painfully raised his head, but it was ultimately a waste of energy since the door was closed. He knew he was in a hospital. He could smell the sanitized area around him, the white walls and the hospital bed reminding him of the days he spent in the medical ward of UA. What really bothered Katsuki was the fact he couldn't remember why he was here. Besides the sluggishness in his body, there were no apparent injuries. No pain or bandages to indicate that anything happened. Did he get sick, the fever wiping away his memory?

He tried to think back to the last events he could think of. He was studying with Kirishima at the park. That was his last memory. Nothing strange happened that he could think of, and it wasn't like he felt sick that day or anything. Though, it did feel like it was forever ago. He felt a remote by his leg and he reached for it, looking for the "Call Nurse" button. Locating a red circle, he pressed it. Hopefully, someone will come by and tell him what happened.

A minute passed. Ten minutes. Or, at least Katsuki guessed since there was no clock in the room. Still, no one answered. Due to the noises he was hearing outside of his door, it was safe to say the Hospital was busy. Maybe the medical crew had bigger things to worry about. After all, he didn't feel injured. His hands felt a little numb and tingly, but he assumed it was from being in bed for so long.

The real question in Katsuki's mind was why he was in a solitary room. Maybe it was because he had freaked out about something and had to be restrained? It wouldn't be his first time that that happened. During the Sports Festival, he had to be put under sedation. Everyone thinks it's just because he can be violent and aggressive, but in reality, that was a Katsuki Bakugo brand of panic attack. He wanted to win, and he wanted to win the right way, but the crowd and Todoroki's refusal to give him his all pushed him over the edge. If Katsuki had to be honest with himself, which he rarely was, he hated crowds. He always has. Especially since this crowd in particular looked down on him with disapproving eyes as he beat Ochako.

But what could have happened this time, if that was the case? He struggled to remember. There must have been something after the park. That's right, damn ShitHair wanted gelato so we went to a local place. There was a kid with green hair sitting across from us. He almost looked like Deku but it can't be. They found his body, he's long fucking dead. 

Katsuki didn't want to think about it, but the thought intruded his mind, anyway. Katsuki had grown up with Izuku. Sure, he found it annoying when the kid followed him around, but he liked the fact that Izuku looked at him like everything he did was amazing. That is, until the nerd started talking about becoming a pro-hero himself. That quirkless loser wanted to be a pro-hero? It's nice to have a dream, but this kid needed a reality check.

When Katsuki had his outburst all those years ago, he didn't want Izuku to jump. He didn't mean it literally. All he was saying was he had a better chance of becoming a pro if he was reborn with powers. Never did he expect the Izuku he knew, a timid, scared little rat, to actually take the leap. That Shitnerd almost got him arrested for manslaughter due to what he said. It was lucky his friends denied Katsuki had anything to do with his suicide.

They found his body, broken and cold, on the sidewalk the next day. That was the cause of his first panic attack. He had killed someone. He was responsible- no. He scolds himself, fuck off. It wasn't my fault the kid took it to heart. How was I supposed to know he was actually fucking brave enough to off himself like that?

Izuku's death made him swear off relationships. If he had made his crush die, he would never want to subject anyone else to the pain he could cause others. He swore off being gay, he swore off love, he swore off friendship. Eijiro, to Katsuki's dismay, had been slowly chipping away at these walls. The scary part was that Katsuki was starting to feel the same way he felt years ago before the incident. The heart-thumping, the sweating, the blushing. He didn't like the feeling at all. Eijiro had firmly latched to Katsuki's stone heart.

He had pushed away Izuku because of the uncomfortable adrenaline rush. But Katsuki wanted things to turn out differently than before. What if pushing away his friend would only hurt him, just like with Izuku? So, he allowed himself to slowly, surely, fall in love with his best friend. But there was only one problem. While Eijiro was romantically attracted to Katsuki, he was asexual. He wanted nothing to do with Katsuki's burning passion for heated nights in the bedroom. In that regard, the pair was simply incompatible. For that reason, they decided to wait to jump into a relationship until the extreme hormones of teen youth wore off.

He shakes his head, causing his vision to blur, dizzily spinning around the room. This was no time to dwell on the past. He had to get the attention of a nurse, a doctor, hell, he'd even settle for a fucking janitor. He pressed the button again, but he had a feeling no one would respond. What kind of damn hospital was this? He wanted to get up, but he couldn't move his legs. He could barely- just barely- wiggle his toes to prove to himself he even had legs. Why did he feel so light, yet heavy at the same time?

Katsuki opened his mouth, calling out, "oi! Anyone fucking out there? I can fucking hear you! Someone tell me what the fuck is going on!" Still, there was no response. He pressed the red button again, but decided it would probably do no good. His heart beat against his chest, panic rising. He couldn't move, he had no one to cry out to. A part of his mind screams with paranoia that this wasn't really a hospital. He was trapped somewhere. But that wasn't true, right? He had a vague image in his mind of someone standing over him in a white lab coat, talking to him. His high-pitched, soft voice breaking through the fogginess he had felt in his mind.  

The door swung open, a tall man in a white lab coat stood at the threshold. His face was splattered with freckles, his green hair shaved to each side, curly locks swept across his forehead. His emerald eyes almost seemed to be glowing.

"I see our patient is awake," it was the same voice the Katsuki heard in his drowsiness. The pounding in Katsuki's chest came to a dead stillness as he took in what he saw. The door closed behind Izuku, who had a grin on his face, yet his eyes were dead. 

"Deku? What the fuck? You're dead!" Katsuki grabbed the side of the bed, trying to pull himself up, but whatever drugs were put into the IV were too strong even for him. Izuku responds with a chuckle, "oh, really?" He pats his chest, then presses two fingers to his own neck, "I seem to have a pulse. Or is that just what you were hoping for, Kacchan? It was you who suggested that it was for the best."

Izuku stepped toward Katsuki, standing by his bed and grabbing the line to the IV drip. "Oh, this little thing? We won't be needing it anymore. My work is already done." He pulls, causing Katsuki to grimace as the needle is pulled out of his arm forcefully. "I'll kill you, Deku. Where the fuck am I? The fuck do you want?"

Izuku grinned once more, giggling through his words, "I already got what I want, Kacchan." He raises his hand, his palm lighting up with small explosions, "your quirk is mine, now." Katsuki's eyes widened, the absence of the constant stream of drugs allowing his more movement. He sits up with a jolt, grabbing Izuku by the shirt. He knew something wasn't right. The power that usually surged through him was missing, stolen by this quirkless idiot.

"I'll kick your ass, you damn nerd! I don't give a shit if you have my quirk or not!" The feeling was starting to return to his legs. Izuku pushes him back down to the bed, "I don't think you will." Katsuki refuses to back down, though, pushing himself out of bed and collapsing, one knee on the floor. Izuku backs up, laughing, "the strong Katsuki Bakugo is reduced to nothing more than scum as the quirkless nerd gains incredible power. Don't you love that little headline, Quirkless?" Katsuki felt a pang in his chest. He was the one who was quirkless now. The shift of power was something Katsuki didn't know how to deal with.

"Listen, fucking shitnerd," he looks up to Izuku's face, but can't stand to look for long. His chest hurt, his emotions getting the best of him, "I didn't want you to fucking die, you idiot!" Izuku retorts, "bullshit! You think the world would be better off without quirkless people. Now you're just a biased hypocrite!" Katsuki forces himself to meet Izuku's eyes. There was a deep pain behind them. 

"Fucking hell, Izuku! What would your Mom say if she knew you were alive? You put her through so much fucking pain, and for what? Just to spite me? You've always fucking looked down on me, Deku! But don't make that her problem! You're her only fucking son!"

Izuku let out another burst of crazy laughter, "you think this all is to spit you? How self-centered! I'm not doing this for you at all! This is all for me! For Shigaraki-San! The man who saved me and made all of this possible!" Katsuki squinted his eyes, "you mean that fucking Handjob guy? You're with the League?" Izuku shrugged, "well, it's more like the League is with me. I became its leader after you and All Might," he spits the name like venom, "killed him in that battle against my father."

"Your father?" Katsuki stands shakily, "what fucking lies have they been putting in your thick fucking skull?" Izuku steps forward, smacking Katsuki, "don't you dare! The League has done nothing but help me. They helped me fake my death. They taught me about being a villain. So what if I'm not a hero? The League is my family now. What have you done for me? What has my Mom done for me? Nothing but treat me like a helpless child!"

Katsuki's eyes plant on the floor, the smack stinging on his face. This kid wanted so badly to be a hero, and now he's with the League of Villains? "You," Izuku goes on, his voice calmer now, "I suppose I have you to thank, though. It was your comment that gave me the idea to fake my death and run away." Katsuki frowned, looking back at him, "so you have my quirk, what do you plan to do now? Or did you even think that far? Use it too much and you could destroy your body. Plus the pros are close to catching you. You won't fucking win. You're just as useless as you were back then."

Izuku circles back to his own argument, "oh, dear. What should I do now, then? Should I really take that swan dive you were talking about? You won't get to me that easily." Katsuki gritted his teeth, frustrated. He can't fight his way out of this one. He says, "listen, Shitnerd. I didn't mean it like that. You think I could just sit back and watch you throw away your fucking life trying to be a hero? You would have died in the entrance exams!"

The smile that curls on Izuku's lips made Katsuki shiver. The villain says, "so, what? You're all of a sudden saying you cared about me? You had a funny way of showing it." Katsuki spits back, "someone had to make you see reality! I took it upon my fucking self! I wouldn't know what the fuck to do if I had to watch you die because I stood by and did nothing to stop you! Yeah, Deku! Don't you get that I give a fuck? Don't you fucking understand that I thought I killed you? How much that fucked with me?" Katsuki's voice shook. "Fucking hell, Izuku! I liked you, you bastard!" He loses control of his words, his face flushed.

Izuku's palm meets his forehead, "you like me? That's fucking precious. Here I thought you were heartless. Well, I've got news for you," he pushes his face inches from Katsuki's, "I'm not interested in a bastard like you, hero."

Katsuki's chest ached, hearing the outright rejection. Izuku really couldn't forgive him for what he had done. But then again, Katsuki couldn't forgive himself, either. Izuku turned his back to Katsuki, walking out of the room, "I'll be back, Quirkless. Take this time to reflect on your pathetic little heartbreak." He slammed the door behind him.