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Complicated

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Having a boyfriend while he was sharing body with different entity was complicated.

But having that said entity already being in relationship with another person was entirely different level of complicated.

That was why Awang didn’t want to make a move on Sancaka for a long time, because he was trying to be considerate to Godam who was in relationship with Nani Wijaya. Even though Awang didn’t understand why the hell someone would want to be in relationship with Nani, who was such a pain in his ass. Well, Godam wasn’t in relationship with her per se, since the two were only in for the sex. So friends with benefit was probably the more correct term. But still, Awang still didn’t get it.

“She’s pretty and smart. And doesn’t make everything complicated with feelings. Also, the sex is heavenly.”

Awang groaned when Godam told him that. “I don’t need to know about that,” he gritted through his teeth, shuddered when he pictured Nani touched his body. Yeah, it was Godam who commandeered it during their intimate times while Awang decided to just be off because he really didn’t want to experience sex with Nani Wijaya, the thought only already made him wanted to puke.

“Well, you’re the one who asked,” Godam said again, and sent a mental image of shrugging through Awang’s mind. “And of course you will think it’s gross. You’re not even straight.”

Awang shivered. Lucky for him Godam could put him in ‘sleep mode’ whenever he and Nani were going at it, or he would be haunted by nightmares for the rest of his life.

Another complicated thing about sharing his body with Godam was the fact that Godam was straight as an arrow while Awang was nowhere near the straight line. He wanted to ask whether their body—Awang was still kind of mourning the fact that sometimes he already stopped referring to his body as his—really could get it up when Godam was with Nani, but Awang didn’t want to throw up the perkedel bulgaria he just ate.

But, back to the start of his train of thought. Awang was aware that his condition wasn’t fair for Sancaka. They hadn’t been in relationship for long, only a little bit over two months—“After almost your whole life pining over him, I didn’t think I would see the day when you finally brave enough to kiss him,” Godam commented back then—and sometimes, whenever they were in mission or something and Godam was taking over his body then being overly flirtatious with Nani, Awang could feel Sancaka’s gaze on him.

Awang wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to be jealous, that it was just his body, while his heart, mind and soul would forever be Sancaka’s, but typical Awang being himself, he was too scared to approach that topic. Afraid that he would fuck it up instead and Sancaka would end things with him.

Sancaka saying, “We’re done, Wang. It’s too complicated with you,” was his worst nightmare. Ever.

“You won’t fuck it up,” Godam said in his head, clearly following the dilemma in his mind. Even though they shared body and mind sometimes, most of the times, Godam would keep to himself and let Awang had some privacy. But sometimes, like now, Godam was being privy because he could. Now Awang understood why Godam and Nani were so compatible. They were both pain in his ass.

“I bet you don’t have this kind of problem with Nani?” Awang asked.

Godam chuckled. “No. Never. I’m not a romantic person. We both know you are the romantic one between us,” he said, made Awang sighed because that was true. Awang was the romantic one, pining over Sancaka, made sure everything was right when they finally in relationship, treated Sancaka sweetly, and all other schmoopy stuff even during intimate times while Godam would just grab Nani to the nearest supply closet to have their way with each other. Awang couldn’t even imagine having Sancaka in a supply closet. Sancaka deserved much better than that for God’s sake.

“Besides,” Godam continued, “Nani and I aren’t exactly in relationship. We have mutual understanding over that. You and Sancaka are different case. Do you want me to talk to Sancaka?” Godam offered. “Assure him that you are never present whenever I’m with Nani?”

Awang so close to say yes to that offer. But Sancaka probably would appreciate it more if it came from him instead of Godam. Awang couldn’t hide behind Godam’s presence all the damn time.

“I will talk to him,” Awang decided. He felt Godam gave him a soft pat inside his mind.


“What’s wrong?” Sancaka asked after they were done getting ready to bed and already laid down under the cover that night. Apparently Awang was being obviously nervous even Sancaka noticed it. Awang felt Godam laughed at him and he told him to fuck off. The little shit only laughed harder.

“Stop fighting with Godam inside your head and tell me what’s wrong, Wang,” Sancaka said, lying down on his side so he could fully face Awang.

Awang sighed and rubbed his face, frustrated. Better get it over with then. “I just—I just want you to know that what Godam and Nani have, it doesn’t involve me at all. So you—er, you don’t have to be mad or anything. I love you. Only you.”

Awang thought that what was out of his mouth didn’t sound too bad, but when Sancaka didn’t say anything, dread started to pool at the bottom of his stomach. Maybe he did fuck up somehow? Fuck.

“Listen, San,” Awang said again, hoping he could fix it. “Godam and I shared a body, and we can communicate through mind, but that’s it. Okay? That’s it. I know it’s complicated, and seeing Godam in my body with Nani is probably—“

“Stop it, Wang.”

Awang stopped talking. He couldn’t read Sancaka’s expression, but he was sure it didn’t mean something positive. This was it. Sancaka would end it and Awang would just have to be satisfied with this two months they shared together. He wondered whether Godam would be willing to take over his body full-time so Awang could deal with his heartbreak in peace, away from everyone else.

Sancaka propped himself up on his elbow and sighed, flicked Awang’s forehead softly. “Stop whatever it is going through your head as well. I’m not breaking up with you,” he said. “I just want you to stop talking before you dig yourself a hole you can’t get out from.”

“But I—“

“Wang,” Sancaka cut him off before Awang could say anything else. “I know that whatever Godam has with Nani, it has nothing to do with you. You don’t need to worry about that. But I’m glad you take your time to assure me.”

Awang blinked. “You know?”

Sancaka smiled and nodded. “Yeah. Well, it was hard at first, I got jealous and everything, but then I talked to Nani.”

Awang blinked again, before he half-yelled, “You what?” to Sancaka, shocked.

Sancaka chuckled, patted Awang’s chest then let his palm rest there, knew very well that the gesture calmed Awang down. “I talked to Nani, yes, about us,” he explained. “And the conversation was enlightening to be honest. It made me very aware that you and Godam are entirely different person.”

“How?” Awang wanted to ask, but nothing came out of his mouth since he was still being too shocked over the fact that Sancaka, the most private person he ever known, willingly talked to Nani about his personal relationship. But he guessed Sancaka understood his unasked question anyway, because he continued explaining.

“For starter, Nani said that Godam is completely straight and you don’t so there is no way you and Nani will ever be a thing.” Sancaka absentmindedly rubbed his thumb over Awang’s chest as he spoke. “And she also said that she and Godam are just about sex, while I know very well you are not that kind of person. You can never be casual. It’s either all or nothing for you.”

“But sometimes—sometimes you have this look on your face whenever Godam flirts with Nani or being gross with her and it makes me feel bad.”

Sancaka chuckled again. “Sorry, didn’t mean to laugh at you or make you feel bad about anything, but I gave Godam that looks because it’s just so weird, you know? Seeing him, in your body, being so bold with her, it’s just—“ Sancaka was outright laughing now, “—it’s just not you.”

Awang studied Sancaka’s face for a while, before he put his hand on top of Sancaka’s on his chest. “Do you… want me to be that way to you…?”

“God, no,” Sancaka said, shaking his head firmly. “I love you the way you are. Acting like Godam will put me off.”

Awang grinned at that. “You have to know that Godam is being very dramatically offended right now.”

Sancaka grinned back. “Be offended all you want, Dam. I don’t care. You’re not my boyfriend.”

Awang laughed when Godam was clearly sulking. Awang let him be for now, because he got Sancaka to focus on. “I was worried that you won’t want this with me anymore, you know. Since it’s complicated. And also the fact that you have to be okay with sharing my body with someone else.”

“About that,” Sancaka shifted, pressed his body closer to Awang’s, “I don’t think it’s gonna be a problem.”

Awang raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend. “What do you mean?”

Sancaka hummed, linked their fingers together on Awang’s chest before answering. “After our discussion, Nani and I are both aware that even though you two share a body, you have entirely different sensitive spots.” Sancaka’s smile turned a little predatory. “Like for example,” Sancaka leaned closer and bit his earlobe, made Awang’s breath hitched and his hips bucked up automatically. He could feel Sancaka’s grin pressed against his earlobe. “You like it when I do that to you. While Godam—“

“No, no, no, stop talking about him. I don’t wanna know that little shit’s sensitive spots. I have to draw a line,” Awang quickly cut off, gripped Sancaka’s arms to stop his movement. Sancaka was laughing at his words, buried his face on Awang’s neck.

“I need you to scarce away, Dam,” Awang said in his mind, and he received a salute from Godam before his presence disappeared, then he pressed a kiss to the crown of Sancaka’s head, made him looked up. “Okay. Godam is gone now. Please continue on telling me where my sensitive spots are. I need to know all of them.”

The blinding smile he received from Sancaka was enough to make him forget about all of his worries before this. He should’ve known that Sancaka always knew him better than he did.