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Secret Desires Of The Heart

Summary:

Rey from Jakku is a Padawan to Jedi Knight Ben Solo at Luke Skywalker's Jedi Temple, and has been for five years. One eventful morning leads to a secret, whirlwind relationship, despite the Jedi Code of not forming emotional attachments. Then one fateful night, it all falls apart as Ben burns down the Jedi Temple, flees into the night, and turns to the Dark side.
Separated for two years, Rey, having joined the Resistance, encounters the First Order. She is unexpectedly taken prisoner by Kylo Ren, her former Jedi Knight, as he works with Snoke to bring down the Resistance. She is torn between doing what is right, and her feelings for the infamous Jedi Killer. Rey works hard to resist Supreme Leader Snoke, believing that she is the only one that can bring her former Jedi Knight back to the Light.
Ben, now as Kylo Ren, struggles to let go of his past, feelings included, and fully embrace the Dark side in order to bring down the Resistance and kill Luke Skywalker, the last Jedi, once and for all. After spontaneously taking his former Padawan prisoner aboard the Supremacy, Kylo begins to believe that, with time and training, he can turn Rey to the Dark Side.

 

 

Chapter 1: Prologue

Chapter Text

                                                                                                                             Prologue
                                                                                                                               26 ABY
                                                                                                                               Jakku

She was finally leaving Jakku.
Trying to contain her excitement, ten year old Rey shifted from one foot to the other as she listened to the ongoing conversation between Jakku's junk trader boss, Unkar Plutt, and a tiny, mysterious woman named Maz Kanata.
Plutt was a Crolute, with mottled, rather slimy looking skin, and pitch black eyes. He was the self established junk boss of Jakku, forcing people living on the planet to work for him as scavengers. In exchange for scrap metal, gear and weapons collected from downed ships, Plutt would provide rations of food for his scavengers.
He didn't do it out of the kindness of his heart, though. He did it for money and reign.
Yes. He certainly seemed to fancy himself as a king of some sort. He ruled over his scavengers quite brutally; he would often send out his thugs to....keep people in line, punishing any who sought to branch out into their own business.
He was a ruthless creature, incapable of compassion and empathy.
Rey had been one of his scavengers for five years now. Ever since her parents had left on Jakku, with a promise to return. But she knew that they were never coming back for her.
So, she had worked diligently as a scavenger, doing all that Plutt had demanded of her over the years.
And now, she was going to leave Jakku.
Maz Kanata, a small creature of unknown origins, with heavily wrinkled orange skin, had shown up on Jakku earlier that day, looking for gear. Or, so Rey had assumed. But, the second that her ship had landed on the harsh, sandy plains of Jakku, Maz had alighted down the steel steps and had walked directly up to Rey. Not once had the diminutive orange woman strayed from her path. Once she had reached Rey, she had promptly introduced herself, enthusiastically shaking Rey's small hand with her own equally tiny hand.
She had smile at Rey, giving her a friendly yet assessing look. Practically the same height, Rey had stared back at the woman with open curiosity. She sensed a kindness within her, something that she had never sensed in Plutt. Maz had nodded, as though satisfied with her assessment. She had turned away, murmuring "She has the Force." before making her way over to Unkar Plutt.
And that is where she had spent the better part of an hour, patiently trying to convince the Crolute that Rey was the perfect candidate for a temple that trained young Jedi.
Rey didn't know what a Jedi was. Nor did she know what a Force was. But Maz had seemed confident that Rey was apparently both of those things.
Rey sidled closer, seated herself on a makeshift chair, and listened as Maz informed Plutt that Rey was no longer of any use to him as a scavenger. That instead, she would be more beneficial at the Jedi school.
Plutt, naturally, tried to argue against losing an employee.
More time passed, during which Rey began to doze off. Suddenly, Maz was gently shaking her awake and inquiring as to whether or not she was ready to go.
Rey scrambled to her feet and followed the kind woman, more than happy to be done with the sand covered, sun drenched planet of Jakku.

 

                                                                                                                           




                                                                                                                                The Jedi Temple

 

They had arrived.
Rey stared in awe at the huge, sprawling temple before her.
She and Maz had just landed on an expansive, grassy field near the Jedi Temple. They exited the ship together, and Rey had stopped, awestruck, at the sight of the Jedi Temple.
She had never seen anything so beautiful before.
This PLANET was beautiful.
There were rocks, dirt and stone. But also beautiful trees, bushes, flowers and what looked to be several beautiful green gardens dotting the land, as well as several ponds.
Rey had never seen so much green before in her life. She hadn't known that such a vibrant color existed like this. The only green that she had seen was on faded gear, weapons and scraps of metal on Jakku. But the shade of green present here at the Jedi Temple was breathtaking.
Maz placed a comforting hand on Rey's shoulder. "Amazing, isn't it?" She asked with a broad smile. Rey nodded. "Yes." She breathed out the word. Her gaze jumped from one thing to the next, unable to settle for long. She had a very strong desire to lay down on the grass, to see if it felt as soft as it looked.
But there were people around, people of all ages; children near her age, teens and young adults, and a few elders. She noted that the some of the adults and elders wore robes or cloaks, and carried strange, cylindrical objects attached to the leather belts around their waists. Rey did not want to embarrass herself by rolling all over the grass. Instead, she nodded at Maz, who murmured "Come along," and gently guided Rey into the Temple. As they passed more people, Rey noted that some of the teens and young adults wore braids in their hair. She was sure that it meant something. But what, she didn't know.
A few people gave her and Maz curiosity filled glances as the two of them walked down a long hall.
"Where are we going?" Rey asked. "I'm taking you to see Master Skywalker." Maz replied. "Master Skywalker? Who is that?" "He's the Jedi Master that owns this Temple." Maz said as they reached a set of huge brass double doors. With a brief knock, Maz opened the doors and ushered Rey inside.
The room was massive, with scuffed stone floors and smooth, shining stone walls. It had a large stone and glass dome ceiling, showing off a gorgeous blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds. Rey fought to keep her mouth from falling open in wonder. Lowering her gaze from the sky, she noticed a huge stone table in the middle of the room. Seated around the table were men and women of various ages, ranging from adult to, well, perhaps as old and wrinkled as Maz Kanata. An older man with grayish blond hair, a grayish white beard, and blue eyes rose to his feet upon Rey and Maz's entrance. "Ah, Maz. You've returned." He said with a smile directed first at the tiny orange woman, then at Rey.
"Master Skywalker." Maz returned the man's smile, then nudged a suddenly nervous Rey forward. "This is Rey, from Jakku. I believe that she has potential to become quite the powerful Jedi. She said. "You don't say." Master Skywalker, along with the other adults, eyed Rey with interest. Then, Skywalker spoke directly to her. "How would you feel about completing a few tests in order to show any potential Force abilities?" He inquired. "What's a Force?" Rey asked. The room erupted into good natured laughter. "The Force is a magnificent thing," Luke explained. "It is a wondrous power. It is an energy field, created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together. It resides in all life forms. And it resides in you, young Rey." Master Skywalker smiled down at her. "So, what say you, young Rey? Are you willing to test your abilities?" He asked. Rey looked at all the smiling faces gazing at her. Their demeanor was like Maz's; a demeanor of kindess and acceptance.
And so, taking a deep breath, Rey nodded her head.

 




                                                                                                                                                  Jedi Temple

She had passed.
Stretched out on the grass, hands clasped behind her head, Rey gazed up at the sky as fluffly white clouds passed overhead.
She was in the massive garden that sat behind the Jedi Temple. She loved coming here, to sit, to meditate, or to read a book as she sat on the edge of the huge stone fountain in the middle of the garden. Sometimes, she sat beneath the hugest tree in the garden, relaxing in the shade. But not today. Today had been the end of her tests. Exhilarated, yet exhausted, Rey had hurried out to the garden and had plopped down onto the grass. For the past two weeks, she had undergone various tests to bring forth her Force abilities. Abilities that she herself hadn't even been aware of.
Maz Kanata had left the Jedi Temple two weeks ago, shortly after making sure that Rey was certain of her decision to stay. After her agreement, Rey was given a delicious, hot meal (More food than she had ever seen), and then taken to a Refresher to bathe. Fresh clothes were left for her. After she had dressed, she was taken to her very own bedroom where, laying atop the cool and fresh sheets, she had promptly fallen asleep. Two days after her arrival, Master Skywalker, whose name was Luke, had shown her around the Temple, introducing her to other Jedi Younglings around her age, Padawans, the teens and young adults who were apprentices to Jedi Knights and Masters, and then, to the Knights and Masters themselves.
But, as Rey had learned, not everyone living in the Temple were Younglings, Padawans, Knights and Masters. Three people, sisters Paige and Rose Tico, and a young man named Finn, had been taken in and cared for after having been orphaned in some war years ago.
Finn was fourteen years old, with dark hair, skin the color of chestnuts, brown eyes, and amazingly high cheekbones. He was quite strikingly handsome. Whenever Rey saw him, she found herself thinking of a prince from a fairy tale. His Force abilities were pretty much nonexistent. So, instead of being a Jedi Youngling, he was a Cadet. He excelled in hand to hand combat, as well as the use of a Blaster. A Blaster was a type of ranged weapon that fired intense plasma energy at its target. Even at such a young age, Finn proved quite efficient in all manner of Blaster weaponry.
Paige and Rose Tico, two gorgeous young girls with lightly tanned skin, almond shaped eyes, high cheekbones and long black hair, also excelled in ways to make up for their low Force abilities. Aside from knowing how to use Blaster weaponry properly, both sisters were highly knowledgeable of all things mechanical. If one sought information on the inner workings of droids, ships and weapons, the Tico sisters were your go to gals. Paige, who was nineteen years old, was quite protective of her fourteen year old sister Rose. And BOTH sisters, along with Finn, had immediately taken Rey under their wing, showing her the ropes and making sure that she never felt lonely. They also cheered her on during the her tests.
Two weeks after her arrival at the Jedi Temple, Rey had passed every test with flying colors. Finn and the girls had promised Rey a day of celebration, as soon as their classes let out.
And so, Rey waited for them in the garden, watching the clouds pass by. Now that she had proven that she was Force-Sensitive, she would, according to Master Skyalker, be placed in a class full of Jedi Younglings. Together, they would all learn how to use their Force abilities. However, once the age of thirteen was reached, all Jedi Younglings each would be paired with a single either Jedi Knight or Jedi Master. The Jedi Youngling would become what was known as a Padawan, an apprentice student, personally handpicked by a Knight or Master themselves.
Rey wasn't sure who her Knight or Master would be. But she hoped that it would be Master Luke himself. And, if not Master Luke, then hopefully someone as powerful and kind as Skywalker.
Sighing contentedly, Rey shifted slightly on the grass to get more comfortable......and drifted off to sleep.
When she woke up an hour later, the sky had darkened. At first, she thought that storm clouds had rolled in. But, when she gazed up at the sky, she was flabbergasted to see that one of the garden's stone benches was floating in the air. Startled, she sat up as the bench floated past her. Wide eyed, Rey looked around to see various benches, large rocks and boulders floating through the air.
She had a brief moment where she wondered if she had somehow did this while she slept. But she quickly knew better. She could always feel when she was using the Force. This wasn't coming from her. A quick look around the garden showed that she wasn't alone.
A young man, who looked to be about the same age as Paige, sat beneath the largest oak tree.
His eyes were closed. Rey would have thought that he were asleep if it weren't for the crossed legged, palms upward pose of someone meditating.
Even sitting down, the young man looked huge. He wore a short sleeved black shirt and black pants, the color a stark difference from the whites, browns, and grays that everyone else always wore. The dark color made his pale skin stand out.
His hair was just as dark as his clothes, long, curly, and adorned with a few customary braids worn by all Padawan.
Aside from his large visage, the aura of his Force felt.....different from the others. During the two weeks that Rey had been staying at the Jedi Temple, she had sensed kindness and tranquility coming from everyone. But, even from a few feet away, Rey sensed a confusing aura of....She didn't know what. Realizing that she was staring, Rey finally spoke, saying the first thing that popped into her mind.
"You're really powerful."
The young man opened his eyes and regarded her for a moment. After a brief assessing look, the Padawan dismissed her, closing his eyes and resuming his meditation. Rey stood up, and nearly smacked her head on a large stone. But the offending object jerked out of the way at the last moment. "Who's your Master?" She asked, making another attempt at a conversation. The man sighed. "Skywalker." He said. "Master Skywalker?" Intrigued, Rey approached the Padawan. "If you're his Padawan, can I be his as well?" She asked.
Another sigh.
"No."
Rey opened her mouth to ask another question, but was interrupted when Master Skywalker's voice cut across the garden.
"There you are."
The older Jedi moved quickly toward Rey and the Padawan, dodging floating objects with surprising agility. He gave Rey a brief smile when he reached them, then gave the young Padawan a hard look.
I've been looking for you, Ben." He said. "And you've found me." The Padawan replied. Master Skywalker sighed, then made introductions. "Ben, this is Rey, from Jakku. Rey, this is my nephew and Padawan, Ben Solo."
"Nephew?" Rey was intrigued once more. Aside from Rose and Paige, she didn't know anyone else at the Jedi Temple who were related.
"Ben, your Trials await you." Luke said to his nephew. "Rey, Finn and the Tico sisters are looking for you. I believe that a celebration is in order." Master Skywalker awarded Rey with another smile. "Congratulations." He said to her as Ben Solo stood up. He was tall, towering well over both Rey and Luke. With an absent minded wave of one large hand, all of the floating objects landed gently and accurately in their designated spot. Without a word, he walked past Rey and Luke. They both watched as he left the garden and walked through the large archway leading into the back of the Jedi Temple.
"What are his Trials?" Rey asked once he was gone. "The Jedi Trials. They are to determine whether or not a Padawan is ready to become a Jedi Knight." Luke answered. He placed a hand onto Rey's shoulder and guided her into the Temple. "Years from now, with proper training, you will undergo the same Trials in order to determine if you will be ready to graduate from a Padawan." Luke explained. "I will be ready when the time comes." Rey said with conviction. Master Skywalker laughed delightedly. "Your determination is admirable, Rey. When you become a Padawan three years from now, your Master will be proud." He said. "I was hoping that you would be my Master." Rey replied. Luke grimaced. "I know. But Leia, my sister, personally asked me to take Ben under my wing." He explained. Ever the curious girl, Rey asked why. But, before Skywalker could offer an explanation, they reached the eating area. Luke ushered her inside, where Finn, Paige and Rose awaited her with a huge feast and equally huge grins. Questions forgotten, Rey hurried over to her friends. Today, she would celebrate becoming an official Jedi Youngling.





                                                                                                                               Jedi Temple
                                                                                                                               
Three years later
                                                                                                                                
29 ABY

Hurrying down the halls toward the vast room occupied by Jedi Knights and Masters, thirteen year old Rey could not contain her excitement. Today, she was to become a Padawan. She was going to meet her Knight or Master who would usher her into becoming a Jedi.
This is what she had spent three years training for, pushing herself, excelling above the other students. She wanted to make a good first impression on whomever would further her training to Jedi hood. She had a feeling that she was going to make her Master proud.
She reached the double doors to what she and the other students referred to as The Jedi Room. She knocked, then entered. There sat Master Skywalker, with a dozen other Knights and Masters, and eleven other thirteen year old Jedi Younglings. Among the Knights and Masters was Ben Solo. He stood out from the others, clad in all black, as usual. His thick, curling hair was free of braids, and had been since he became a Jedi Knight three years ago. After becoming a Knight, however, the other Knights and Masters seemed to actively avoid him; he always seemed to be so full of rage and on the edge of exploding. He was not a friendly person.
Rey avoided looking at him. Instead, she focused on Master Skywalker. He rewarded her with a smile before rising to his feet and addressing all the Padawans in the room.
"Welcome, Younglings. Today is a special day for you all. Today, you will become a Padawan to a Jedi Knight or Master. Once paired with your Knight or Master, you will train with him on her, one on one, until they determine when you are ready to undergo the Jedi Trials."
Luke paused, gazing at each soon-to-be Padawans. "Each of you will be personally selected by a Knight or Master. Once selected, you will train with and remain by each other's side."
The Younglings in the room gazed quickly yet warily at each other; none of them wanted to be selected by Ben. Still, they remained silent as Master Skywalker finished his speech. "And now, the Knights and Masters will make their choice." He said with a nod. All twelve Knights and Masters rose to their feet and began their selection.
Within minutes, six Padawan where chosen.
Only six more remained.
And then it was Ben's turn.
The Jedi room fell silent as they awaited Solo's decision.
He made it quickly.
"Rey." He said simply. "WHAT?!" Rey yelled, shocked. Her gaze swung between Master Skywalker and Ben Solo as the remaining Jedi Younglings murmured to each other. Even Luke looked startled. He leaned over and spoke quietly to Ben. The Jedi Knight ignored his uncle, and walked out from behind the table. "We start training tomorrow." He said to Rey as he moved past her and made his way out of The Jedi Room. Shocked, Rey turned to Luke, who shook his head. So she turned away and hurried from the Jedi Room. She spotted Ben stalking down the halls, heading toward the gardens. She hurried after him. "Hey!.....HEY!" She shouted as they both entered the gardens. "What?" Ben asked, making his way over to the large oak tree. "Why did you choose me?" Rey demanded. Ben stopped and turned to her. "Is there some reason why I shouldn't have chosen you?" He asked. "I.....Well.....We never speak to each other....Wouldn't you prefer a Padawan that you....get along with?" Rey asked. Ben raised a brow at her. "I've heard of and seen your abilities. I have no patience to work with anyone weaker." He said. He sat down beneath the oak tree, assumed a meditative pose, and closed his eyes. "And as for us getting along, I'm not interested in becoming your friend, scavenger." He said dismissively. As Rey sputtered with indignation, Ben murmured: "You can go away now."
Rey stared at the young Knight in disbelief. He remained silent, using his Force abilities to levitate various objects within the garden. After a few minutes of silence, Rey realized that Ben actually intended to ignore her.
Shocked, she started to turn away, to leave as he had said. But then she thought better off it. She felt the sudden urge to defy her new Jedi Knight. Instead of leaving, she sat down next to Ben, assumed a meditative pose and closed her eyes. Beside her, Ben sighed with annoyance.
Rey ignored him and attempted to clear her mind.
If she was going to be his Padawan, then he had better get used to her being around. She was not going to have her journey to becoming a Jedi hampered by an unfriendly giant of a Knight.
She would become a Jedi Master, no matter how long it took.