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I am not running away

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Harry Styles is a very kind man, with a lovely smile and a beautiful face, he is twenty two, studying Fine arts, he is at his last year and his major is painting . He loves painting since he was a little kid, it helped him through alot, so whenever he was sad he locked himself and paint for days. So for him painting was his life and ever since he was a kid everyone saw his works was impressed.

 

Harry lives with his best friend Zayn Malik, another art student but his specialize is sculpting. They complete each other, knows each other by the first look, they were insuperable since forever and they couldn't stay away from each other. They are too close, friends since they were kids. And Harry considers Zayn as his brother. He feels lucky to have someone like him in his life, someone who loves for his real, from inside, someone who never judges but supports. Zayn stayed by Harry during his rough time when he broke up with the life of his life three years ago. He didn’t leave his side and he collected his broken heart piece by piece and with his wonderful talent he made it whole again. Only left a scar there to reminds Harry to take care when he chose next time. To have mercy on himself.

Harry is working as art tutor for kids. It happened by chance his other friend Liam told him that a friend of his knows someone who needs a tutor for his kid. Harry needed the money badly, he couldn't keep his last jop said that being a batista didn't work for him as he never loved coffee so he couldn't make it right. So Harry accepted the job immediately he needed the money for the rent and he couldn’t say no.

 

So he goes three times a week at the mansion of the one and only Dr Tomlinson to teach his son the right way to paint. Or only helps him since the kid is talented already, It has been six months now since he started his new work. He loves the kid so much, and they connected, although he never met his parents only his mother when he first started but never again. He knew that the boy was always alone and sad so he decided to stay with his as long as he could and he always helps in the little boy studies. He always listens to him when he needs to talk, he helps him with everything, for him this kid is a brother and Harry loves to give h every possible help.

He is a very active person, wakes up very early and spends most of his time outside. When he returns home he study and finish he works and then sleep for only four hours daily. Zayn always warns him that it is a very bad life style, and tells him that his body needs more attention, he should pay attention to himself mors. Zayn is the only one who knows his condition, but harry always tells him that everything is under control and he feel okay even he isn't.

The alarm goes off and Harry still on his bed, he doesn’t move or tries to turn it off. He is deep sleeping and obviously he is having a dream, maybe a bad one since he is frowning deeply

Zayn shakes his roughly and finally harry opens his eyes, he whimpers “ what do you want? “

Zayn is looking at his angry “ you need to wake up, your alarm has been ringing for half an hour now, I heard it from my room"

Harry frowns and takes his phone from the nightstand, once he sees the alarm he jumps on his feet cursing under his breath.Zayn is watching him raising his brows “ what is it? “

Harry says while taking his clothes “I have work today.. “

“now? It is barely ten”

Harry is walking to the bathroom “ I promised Fred to be there early”

Zayn huffs on frustration “ this kid again”

Harry giggles from inside the bathroom “what’s wrong with the kid ? “

Zayn shrugs “ he takes all your time Harry, you can barely have time to study and to function... You don’t live”

“I do live”

Zayn groans “no... You don't ”

Harry opens the water for his shower and says “he needs me”

Zayn shouts so Harry can hear him under the water “ you are not his parent “

But harry says nothing, Zayn knows that even if he heard him he wouldn’t talk, they had this conversation multiple times before, and Harry’s answers are always the same, the kid needs him and he will never let him down. Zayn tells him he needs more time for himself and tells him this kids isn't his responsibility but Harry always remains calm and refuses to answer back.

******
Once Harry put his feet inside the mansion and he felt there was something wrong.
He walks inside and he sees the maid that always welcomes him, he smiles to the maid and says

“ good morning, Bebe, Is Freddy in his room? “

Bebe is young lady at her late twenties, at the start she tried to hit on Harry, but when he finally told her about his sexuality she considered him as a little brother and she stopped bothering him, they formed a bond and they became so close since they are meeting three times weekly, she was beautiful with long blue eyes and short yellow hair. He is loud and her laughter is hellarious. She tries to smile back and she hugs him

“he is taking his shower... Would you like some tea before? “

He nods his head “I will ask Barbara.. “ and then he walks to the kitchen still feeling something is going on.

 

Inside the kitchen is no different, it is tense, Barbra the main housemaid is an old lady, at her last forties, elegant with wide black eyes and too kind heart, he has no sons and she considers Dr tomlinson is her son. and then there is Philip the old driver. He is Barbara’s husband, in his Mid fifties, he has been working with the Tomlinsons since Dr Louis was a kid. And he treats Louis as his beloved son. They both loved him and helped in raising him up so he loves them as he loves his family exactly. They are too close and Louis considers them family.

At the kitchen they are so nervous and they are arguing but when Harry enters the kitchen they stop talking and look at h nervously

Harry looks between them “ are you okay? Is something wrong? “

Philips shighs “ yes... It is Louis ... “

Barbra cuts Philip angrily “Philip!! ? “

He looks at her “ he works here.. He is family.. He is the only friend Freddy has and right now he will need him more”

Harry frowns but looks at them with concerns “okay, what is going on? “

Philip moves his eyes towards Harry “they are having the divorce”

“what? “ the divorce?

Bebe enters the kitchen “ oh, they are finally having it, don’t be surprised Harry, you don’t know anything “

Harry doesn’t talk he is surprised and he doesn't understands, he just stays silent while Philip says

“ she asked for it one year ago... But Dr Tomlinson didn’t want to hurt little Freddy”

Harry finally says in disbelief “ then why now? “

Bebe “ because he saw her cheating on him”

Barbra again yelling “bebe? “

Bebe shrugs “ what? These things aren’t secret Barbra... You know. People talk”

Harry shakes his head trying to absorb the new information “ something happened? “

Bebe looks at him again “ there was a huge fight last night, she left the house”

“shit”

Philip “that’s why the little man needs you”

Harry nods his head and then he says “ I will go and see him”

Barbra says to him while he leaves the kitchen “ I will bring you your tea sweatheart”

Harry smiles at her and walks away. Harry loves Barbra and Philip so much, they remind him of his mom and step dad. They listen to him when he is upset or sad, they take good care of him when he feels low and down, if he didn't show up they call him to make sure he was okay. So yeah he lives them so much and feels so comfortable talking to them, and he knows the feelings were mutual.

 

Harry climbs the stairs he used to climb for the last six months, but this time his mind is taken. Lot of memories are running in his mind. He still can remember how awful he felt when he was a kid when his parents separated, he still remembers how much he needed someone to explain to him that this wasn’t his fault. That everything will eventually be okay, he still remembers he stayed days on his small bed crying while hearing his mother wailing and he could not even talk to her scared that she might blame him. It was when his talent came alive. He locked himself in his room for days and he painted, he painted all his pain and all his hurt. Although he was amittle kid but it helped him so much. Expressing his pain in this form helped so much..

Harry opened the door and he enters, he knows he Freddy is taking his shower with Beth his special maid.

“Harry is here young man” he shouts cheerfully, his kind is still putting plans to distract Freddy from his parents issues and protect him from the hurt. And convince him everything will be okay again.

He walks towards the bed but once he is there he freezes. A man is looking at him with wide eyes and a deep frown. Harry never saw that man before but he saw couple of photographs of Freddy with his dad. And right now he is staring at the dad, Dr Louis Tomlinson.

Okay the dad is very handsome, the photos don’t give him justice. Those deep blue eyes and that hair. Harry is staring and he does not form a word. The man, Louis is looking back at him then he grimaces

“who the hell are you? “

Harry is shocked from the stern tune, the bitterness Louis uses with him although that is the first time they meet “I am.. Harry”

Louis leaves the bed “Harry who? What the hell are you doing here? “

Beth comes out from the bathroom with eyes full of dread “Dr Tomlinson this is Harry.. He is Freddy special tutor”

Then Freddy comes out of the bathroom and runs to Harry and hugs him. He is crying and he buries his face in Harry’s waste.

Harry wraps the little boy with his arms but still looking at his father with concerns

Louis takes a deep breath but still angry “ you are the artist who teaches him? “

Harry nods slightly

“ no one called you to cancel? “

Again Harry nods, but the boys sobs now and Harry looks at him and press him tighter “ it’s okay” he whispers and them looks at Louis “ I can go now if you want”

“no” the boy whimpers and Harry’s heart goes crazy.

Louis watches his son and then walks to him. He kneels and he puts his hand on the boy shoulder

“Fred… come on, why are you crying now”

But Freddy doesn’t move away from Harry but tightens his grip, Harry looks at the young doctor and gets surprised when he sees the tears formed in his eyes

He tries again “ come on man.. Don’t do this to me”

But Freddy still hugs Harry, Louis looks at Harry maybe asking for help. Harry kneels beside Louis and looks at Freddy, he wipes his tears by his thump “ I know you are sad” harry says ignoring the shock on Louis’ face “but it’s gonna be okay”

Freddy shakes his head and refuses to look at his father, his eyes are connected with Harry’s like there is no one else around

Harry smiles “ it will… I was there too, I know it will be okay”

Freddy stops crying “really? “

Harry nods “ yeah. I was one year older than you”

“you were seven”

Harry nods “ I was seven”

Freddy finally looks at his father, Louis is crying silently, but once his son looks at him he wipes them immediately, his son says “ we will be okay daddy.. Did you hear Harry? “

Louis swallows thickly “ I did”

 

The boy smiled “ then we will be. He is always right”

Louis nods slightly, Freddy says “can I ask you something? “

Louis nods hastily “yeah anything.. “

“don’t push Harry away too ”

Harry snaps his head up, his eyes are full of tears too but he looks between Freddy and his father, Louis smiles and nods his head “fine”

“promise “

Louis frowns but says “*I promise “

“can he stay for dinner”

Here Harry has to interfere “ I can’t today Freddy.. I have an assignment I told you about it”

Freddy sighs “ yeah.. You did” he looks disappointed. Louis looks down feeling helplessly, he can’t help his kid to feel better

“you know what.. I can make it.. It is okay, I will study later at night”

Louis snaps his head up facing Harry “ you are a student? “

But Freddy is the one who talks “ senior year”

Harry smiles and then Louis says standing up “so, see you at dinner the two of you? “

Freddy looks at his father “ where are you going? “ he looks at him panicking

Louis says “I have to go to the hospital.. But I am coming back I promise “

Freddy looks down but says nothing, Louis walks away but Harry hears him sighing and he knows he also was feeling awful.

Harry looks at Freddy again and says “ do you wanna talk about it? “

But the boy shakes his head, Harry nods “ okay.. What do you want to do? “

He looks at Harry “ I want to paint with you”

Harry smiles “ let’s do it”

Then Beth finally gives a shaking breath “ he didn’t have his breakfast “

Harry looks at his with wide eyes “ tell me it’s not true”

But Freddy giggles, Harry says to Beth “okay, Beth… get him his breakfast “

She walks to the door and then Harry patted her shoulder while leaving. Beth was in love with the young kid. She was here when he was born. She was the one who feeding him, who was changing his diapers, she was the one who stayed the nights with him. So she was practically his unbiological mother.

****

Freddy had his breakfast, and then they headed to the painting room. Harry and Freddy was painting on a very big paint across the wall. Harry was painting a giant spiderman Freddy asked him to paint three months ago. And then Harry asked him to paint his friend Harry, and together they started the work. The painting was still not finished, although Harry could finish it in two nights hut he wanted to give Freddy his time to learn and to get better

“ harry? “ Freddy saus, Harry doesn’t look at him, he is focusing on what he is doing “yes”

“ when is your birthday “

Harry giggles “ in two months, February first, why? Are you getting me a new present “

“I am “ the boy says excitedly, but then he says “ daddy’s birthday is in two weeks.. And he is so sad, I don’t know what to do”

Harry sighs and looks at him “talk to him, ask him what he wants? Tell me to send the day with you and do something new”

He doesn’t talk, thinking then “ can you come with us? “

Harry smiles “ I think it’s a private occasion, I think your father prefers to send that day alone with you”

“but you are funny and always happy, you will make him happy, he is always sad”

Harry giggles “ you are the only one who says I am funny”

Freddy shrugs and looks again at his painting “ you are though, maybe no one knows who you really are”

Harry smiles and also returns to his painting “maybe.. “

“so will you come”

Harry sighs “listen.. What if you ask your father and I will see about it, when is his birthday exactly? “

“at Christmas eve”

Harry frowns, he has no previous arrangements for that day, Zayn isn’t celebrating Christmas anyway, he is a Muslim and ever since they lived together, Harry didn’t care anymore about Christmas unless he had time and accepts his mom invitation. So yeah maybe he could but only if his father accepts him.

*****

They painted, then studied a little, Freddy cried and Harry just rubbed his back and stayed with him to support.

At dinner time. Harry and Freddy walk to the dinning table. Louis’ office door was opened, and he is obviously on the phone because he was screaming

“ don’t you fucking dare tell me that Jeff, no. He is my son he stays with me.. “

Harry looks at Freddy but to his relief Freddy isn’t paying attention, he is showing Beth the paint he did with Harry for her and her finance last week.

Beth on the other hand heard everything, he looks at harry with wide eyes, he smiles at her and says “ what if you take him.. I need to make a phone call”

Beth nods her head and she takes Freddy and they sits Freddy on his place around the dinning table.

Harry takes a deep breath, his chest tightens but he doesn’t give any shit, he walks to Louis. Philip told him earlier that Dr tomlinson needs to talk to him before dinner, He needs to talk to him about Freddy and that scares Harry, what if he asks him not to see Freddy again. He can’t keep him away from him at least not now.

He doesn’t knock since the door is already opened, but he stands by the door and watches Louis. Louis is hyperventilating leaning on his desk, he does not notice harry then he grasps the glass that is on the desk and then tosses it away, it lands just few inches away from Harry who finches and look at the glass that filled the place, then he looks at Louis.

“I am sorry” Louis whispers

Harry shrugs “ you ask for me? “

Louis sighs and collapses on his chair, he rubs his face and then waves at harry to sit, Harry walks and sits in front of him. LOUIS looks at Harry

“ you seem close? You and Freddy I mean? “

Harry nods “ I have been teaching him for six months now”

Louis looks surprised then he whispers “six?” he looks at Harry “ have we met before? “

Harry frowns “not really.. I mean.. Sometimes we are at the same place but we never actually met”

Louis nods “ I wasn’t here recently… I mean I am never here”

Harry “I know you are busy. I mean your work is very hard I can understand “

“really? “ Louis asks honestly “cause everyone makes it clear that I am a bad father, I am never here for my son”

“I know” he says and then he regrets it immediately “I mean.. Both of you were always busy. He understands “

Louis shakes his head “ I don’t think he does. He hates me”

“never” Harry says immediately, then he again takes a deep breath but he coughs strongly, he covers his mouth and clutches his chest, Louis is watching him

“ are you okay? “

When Harry stops coughing, he looks at Louis with tears in his eyes from the pain of his coughs

“ I am okay…” he sighs

“ Freddy loves you. He just wants to spend more time with you”

Louis stays silent and looks at his desk then says

“ she wants him. His mother wants to take him.. “ then he looks at him “ what do you think about her? As a mother I mean”

Harry gets anxious and moves nervously on his chair “I am sorry. What exactly do you want me to say? “

They just met , how exactly does louis expect Harry to open his heart for him, cause whatever he thinks about his mother Louis isn’t going to be happy about it

Louis shrugs “ I don’t know, what do you think? You have been here for six months. Do you think it is better for him to stay with his mom. I know what she did is unforgivable.. But she is a mom and I want the best for my son”

Harry nods his head “ she is good”

Louis smiles and looks at him “ I need more Harry.. What do you think? “

Harry shakes his head and then faces Louis “ Dr Tomlinson… I don’t think I can answer that”

Louis huffs “ it just a talk Harry, I am not taking your words into that account.. It maybe give me a piece of mind of how I should behave, what should I do. Barbra and the others believe he should stay with me. But they are like family and of course they are taking my side. So I need an outsider”

Harry swallows thickly because he isn’t an outsider, not for Freddy at least, he clears his voice “ well… I only met Mrs Tomlinson once”

“what? “ Louis asks with a shock all over his face

Harry nods “ yeah, I mean.. She is always not here. We never met, it just happened the day I started my work and she told me if I needed her for anything I could tell Barbra and she will deliver my messages”

Louis does not talk, he just looks down and like drowns in his own thoughts

“I mean.. She is a mother” Harry says “she of course loves him, but I think you should ask Freddy about that. Just listen to his says”

Louis slowly nods his head and the stands up, suddenly he looks annoyed by Harry's presence

“let’s go to eat”

Harry nods and follows Louis outside to the dinning room.

*****
Only the three of them are there, Louis, Harry and Freddy.

Louis is watching Harry who is helping Freddy by cutting his chicken, the he says “ I need you to eat it all, and maybe then you can have the sweat dessert Barbra made special for you”

Freddy looks at Harry excitedly “my blueberry cheesecake”

Harry giggles and nods “ exactly, with the white chocolate sous you love”

Freddy laughs and claps his hands then he starts eating right away, Harry looks at Louis and when he found him watching them he got all nervous again

Louis smiles at his son ignoring Harry “ you love that cheesecake, don't you? “

Freddy with mouth full nods his head, Harry doesn’t touch his food, he is too nervous for that, he senses that Louis doesn't want him around anymore. and his stomachs twists and his chest contracts and he coughs again.

Louis is watching Harry but Harry takes an napkin and wipes his mouth “sorry “ he whispers

Freddy says “ Harry is sick” he says it casually like it is a normal thing

“really? “Louis askes

Harry shakes his head “it’s nothing.. I am fine”

Louis nods and he eats his food.

The rest of the meal went very well, Louis asked Harry about his major and about his life, Harry told him he is living with his best friend Zayn, he told him he is twenty two from Cheshire, he told him he loves painting and he could spend days locking himself in his small studio just painting.

Harry is putting Freddy on his bed, he tugs him under his cover and he kisses his forehead “ have a good sleep. I can’t be here tomorrow but the day after tomorrow I will be here at early morning, is that okay with you”

Freddy nods sadly, Harry sighs “ I have a huge assignment and I didn’t even start it.. I promise I won’t be late”

Freddy finally smiles and hugs him " I love you Harry, thank you for being here for me"
Harry smiles and hugs him tighter " I love you more"

******
Harry is walking towards the outside, when he hears his name being called

He looks behind him and he finds Louis is standing there “can I have a word? “

Harry nods, Louis walks to him “ can we walk outside? “

Although the weather is very cold, and he knows it will upset his chest more but he nods anyway.

Louis walks and Harry follows him to outside, his mind is racing, okay he believes Louis is asking him to stop coming, he even starts to see memories of him with Freddy and his eyes becomes glossy.

Louis remains silent for a few minutes then he says

“ Harry.. I need your help”

Harry looks at him and frowns, Louis continues “ with Freddy, I know it will be hard for him, and he could use a friend, and you seem a good friend and he likes you.. So I want you to be here daily.. From day to night. I will pay you extra so don’t worry… “

“I don’t want your money “ Harry cuts him, Louis looks at him narrowing his brows, Harry says “ I mean, I like Freddy too and I don’t think it’s really important to pay me more. But I can’t.. I am his tutor I am sorry I am not his babysitter”

Louis looks down, Harry hastily says because he hat he said sounded wrong

“ I love him, and I really wants to help. But I live at the other side of the city and coming here daily with my classes and works.. I don’t think I will be able to do this the right way. I can’t give you my word and then let you down”

Louis looks at him and smiles “ I don’t think you ever let anyone down”

Harry blushes but doesn’t talk, Louis nods “ it’s okay.. I will try something else”

Harry says “ Beth is his friend,she lives her. I come here three times weekly I help with his studies… “

Louis shakes his head “ I don’t stay home. I need to make sure he is okay”

Harry smiles “he is okay.. I mean. We were okay the last six months. It doesn’t make any difference except he will be sad at the start and then he will be fine”

Louis bits his lower lip and says “ did it really happen to you? “

Harry looks at him “ you mean my parents divorce? Yeah.. I was seven and it hurt a lot”

Louis “sorry. What helped you to get better? “

Harry shrugs “ painting I guess. I mean I stayed days at my room just painting expressing myself.. I think that helped me a lot”

“good. Do you think painting will help him? “

Harry looks at Louis “ we will see about that. I will watch over him and I will tell you anything I notice. But be here.. You just be here for him. Maybe painting helped me but mom was always there”

The he coughs again, Louis frowns “it’s cold. You have to go now.. How will you go back home? “

Harry shrugs “ I will walk till the tube”

“what? It’s like more than an hour walking. Why? “

Harry smiles “ 90 minutes exactly.. And I love walking I guess”

Louis frowns deeper “ I don’t think it’s a good idea, I mean obviously your asthma is disturbing you.. “

Harry smiles shyly but doesn’t talk, Louis “I can give you the ride”

 

Harry shakes his head “no, no… I will be okay. I am warmed and I will be fine”

He zips his jacket and pulls his beanie closer to his ears and smiles widely

“ see you again Dr”.

Loui smiles back at him and says

“ see you again Harry”

Chapter Text

Harry is wearing his shoes when Zayn enters his room, he looks at him frowning and maybe a little surprised

“ and now where are you going? “

Harry doesn’t look at him, he knows how does he look, absolutely awful with pale face and dead eyes, and he knows Zayn is starting a fight with him

“work” he says and leaves to prepare his bag

Zayn sighs “now? Look at yourself Harry, you haven’t slept for two days.. “

“I know.. I am okay”. He is not okay, he is tired, he is exhausted, he wants to sleep.. But he promised Freddy to be there early

Zayn walks closer to him “at least eat something “

Harry doesn’t respond, he can’t eat his stomach hurts badly that he feels he is about to vomit

“Liam’s birthday is tonight “ Zayn says

Harry is brushing his hair looking at his reflection in the mirror “ I know”

Then a blonde beautiful lady with long eyelashes and blue eyes enters the room too, perrie, she is Zayn’s girlfriend. So Harry looks at her with a big smile

“good morning Pez”

She smiles back “morning Hazza..where are you going? It is barely nine in the morning “

He nods his head and he takes his jacket “I have work today.. But don’t worry, I will be there at the surprise party.. Just send me the location “

Zayn huffs “ you haven’t slept for two days” he says again. Harry finally looks at him “ I am okay, I will be okay.. “

“ Harry… you can’t do this to yourself please .. Did you forget about-“

“zayn.. Please I am okay” Harry interrupts his sternly

Then He walks closer to Zayn and says again “ I am okay, I will sleep this night for two days, how does it sound”

Zayn just shakes his head and leaves the room, Harry
sighs and then he wears his jacket, and his beanie.

Perrie was still there so he looks at her and smiles,
“he is worried “ she says

“he doesn’t have to worry. I am not a kid anymore I know what I am doing” he doesn’t mean to be angry but Zayn is the reason.

She smiles and nods her head “ no one is saying you are a kid Harry we are just worried, I mean you barely have some rest”

“I have a job Perrie I need the damn money for the rent”
Zayn storms inside the room, obviously he was listening to every words was said “I don’t need the fucking money this month.. Just get rest and we will see about the money” he is yelling

So harry yells back “ why are you so obsessed with me staying at home”

Zayn groans “obsse-… are you stupid Harry? You know what? Whatever you like.. I am not asking you to take a fucking care about yourself, I don’t care anymore if you pass out at the middle of the street or you stay at your bed for days unable to fucking move. You know what I am not your maid I am not giving two shits about you”

then he storms outside the room.

Perrie is still there looking down, Harry takes a deep breath and then he takes his bag and leaves the whole flat.

*****
Harry doesn’t know why he is crying, it always gets him when he fights with Zayn, he knows those words Zayn said mean nothing and he also know Zayn is no better than him perhaps not crying but he is sure Zayn is so angry and sad.

The walk to the mansion felt long today and Harry’s legs hurt, his head hurts and of course his chest hurt, it always hurts.

the door is opened for him and he is met by Bebe who is looking at him worriedly, he smiles “ I didn’t sleep that’s it”

She nods her head “ have you eaten anything? “

He nods his head “yeah. Sure.. I just need a cup of tea”

She walks in front of harry and she guides him to the dining room “ Freddy is having his breakfast “ then she smiles and leaves before entering the room.

Harry frowns because it feels like she is running from something.

He enters the huge dinning room and he finds Freddy sitting there eating breakfast but he is not alone, Louis is here.

When Freddy notices Harry he yells “ Harry.. You are late again”

Harry only smiles nervously and looks at Freddy “ good morning little man, good morning sir”

Louis smiles at him “ good morning Harry and please call me Louis”

Harry smiles back but doesn’t talk, Louis “come on share us”

Harry walks nervously towards the seat next to Freddy, he prefers stays that time with Barbra and Philip but he doesn’t want to hurt Freddy

Harry sits and tries to calm himself, he doesn’t know why he feels this way, or maybe he knows, he feels nervous and anxious because he feels he likes Louis. He finds him unmercifully attractive and he feels lost when he looks at his eyes. So he tries to avoid looking at him all of the time, he feels he is a teenager again and he is talking to his crush, he tries to tell himself it is okay he just likes his look and no more, Harry’s heart is still broken and he can’t get near it again. Let the scars heal that what he tells himself all the time.

“are you okay Harry? “ Louis asks and looks at him worriedly “ you look pale”

Harry looks at Louis and nods “yeah.. I am fine. I just I am not sleeping well lately “

Louis frowns “is it because of us? “

Harry smiles “ no no.. I have classes and unfinished projects.. So my day is very busy. I am usually don’t sleep well”

“how many hours a day? “

Harry shrugs “ maybe four maximum “

Louis looks at him with wide eyes “but Harry, that’s not okay. Your body will collapse eventually.. You need sleep”

Harry nods “ you sound like my friend. We just had a fight because of that”

And why the hell is he telling him about Zayn? He realizes his walls are falling one by one and he needs to do something about it.

Louis’ phone rings, he looks at it with a frown and he answers, Louis leaves the table and takes few steps away to the outside garden. Harry can’t hear what he is saying but he can see his face and he is obviously and clearly angry, he is waving his hand and all his body language says the same. He is fighting.

When Louis returns back after ten minutes, he is still angry and distant, so Harry finds it the right way to dismiss himself politely.

He stands up “ I am gonna let you finish your breakfast and I am gonna say hi to Barbra and Philip”

Louis is still watching him, he nods slightly and Harry storms outside the room.

In the kitchen, Barbra is drinking her coffee, she sees Harry getting inside and she frowns “ are you okay? “

Harry sighs and smiles, he finds Bebe is sitting there “ I am fine Barbra… Bebe where is my tea? “

She looks at him and smirks “ I know you wouldn’t take few minutes with him.. So”

He frowns and sits beside her “ what does it mean? And why are you always nervous with him? “

She shrugs “ he hates me”

Barbra sighed “he doesn’t “

Bebe “come on, I am the one who she brought, I am the intruder, I am her closest maid, I was her special maid so of course he hates me… it just a matter of time and he will ask me to leave… he will fire me I know that”

Barbra says “ he will do no such thing”

Bebe “yeah.. Yeah “ she leaves her seat to make the tea,

“are you sure you are okay sweat heart? “ Barbra asks
Harry shrugs “I had a fight with Zayn”

“why? “

Bebe puts the tea in front of him “ why? What did you do? “

Harry looks at her with a raised brow “ why should it be me? “

She smiles “ Zayn never do wrong”

“perrie says hi” he is teasing her, he knows she likes Zayn alot but the lad is taken

She huffs and sits beside him, Barbra “ why did you fight? “

Harry shrugs and says while taking a sip “ he worries too much”

“you give him every reason to”Bebe says

Harry snaps “ he doesn’t have too, I am not a kid”

Bebe doesn’t care about his snap, she understands why he is so defensive “ you are not a kid but you also do stupid things Harry…it has been two days, you haven’t slept for two days.. “

He huffs and shakes his head in disbelief “ he called you”

“of course he did, he is worried about you.. He is a good friend don’t be stupid and take his caring this way”

Philips shows at the door and says “ Harry, Freddy is waiting for you at his painting room”

Harry feels he is saved, he leaves his tea and he walks to the painting room.

******
In the painting room harry can barely stand, he feels the world is spinning around him and he needs to eat something. He can barely focus and he needs to sleep like now

“Harry… do you love football? “

Harry looks at him “no.. I am very bad at football, I didn’t know you like it”

Freddy shrugs “dad likes it, I don’t… but he wants to play with me and I want you to join us”

Harry looks back at the painting “ I don’t think your father will want me to”

“to what? “ suddenly Louis’ voice comes from the back.
Both Harry and Freddy look at him, Freddy says “ I am asking Harry to join us at football “

Louis smiles and looks at Harry “ that would be amazing”

Harry smiles shyly “ that would be an awful idea Dr. Tomlinson, I am like the worst player ever, I am so clumsy and I fall all the time”

Louis giggles “ that’s okay, I play awful too. It will be fun”

Harry sighs and Freddy jumps up and down “please, please, please “

Harry giggles and finally they all walk outside to okay.

****
Louis was wrong, he okays perfectly, and Harry was right, he is awful.

He fells for the fourth time on his bum, he laughs loud and lets Freddy helps him to stand up

“ what is the wrong with your legs” Louis says still laughing

Harry sighs with huge smile “I told you I fall all the time. Kids used to tell me at school that I have two left legs”

Louis laughs harder “ you must had hard time”

Harry shrugs “it was never my passion but they kept me in the team anyway”

Louis nods “ they must love you, you are a catch” then he runs away resuming the little game they are playing. Harry is confused but he runs too, he doesn’t want to think about it, but it is obvious, Louis is flirting with him and that isn’t the first time.

*****
Harry fell asleep on the couch, he was waiting for Freddy to get out of the bathroom after taking his shower but he couldn’t keep his eyes opened so he slept.

He hears some noises and he flutters his eyes opens and he looks around him panicking , he takes a deep breath realising where he is. He tries to regulate his breathing but he hears movement from behind him, he Looks behind him and he sees Louis is sitting there on the back seat reading a book

He jumps on his feet “oh shit, I am sorry, I am so sorry.. I didn’t mean to sleep”.

Louis smiles and says “ calm down.. It is nothing, I know you need some rest it’s okay”

Harry shakes his head angrily “it never happened before.. “

“Harry relax” Louis says sternly that Harry shuts up

Louis sighs “ it’s okay.. I am glad you had some rest, it just for thirty minutes “
And wait, was he watching?

Harry looks down and says nothing, Louis says “come in.. Dinner is ready anyway”

He starts walking but Harry says “ i can’t..” Harry is looking at his watch, then he looks at Louis “ I have to be somewhere like now”

“now? “ Louis asks with concern and Harry nods, “what about dinner? “

“it’s okay, I will eat there” he looks around him, he takes his bag and and his jacket, he wears his jacket “is that okay? I mean with Freddy? “

Louis is watching him, he nods “yeah. Sure.. I will explain it to him”

Harry puts his beanie “I can come tomorrow if that’s okay? “

Louis sighs in relief “please.. I am having a day off and it is easy when you are here, it’s like I don’t know anything about my son and I feel so angry at myself”

Harry “ hay don’t, you just need to spend some time with him. He is a very kind boy with very big heart”

Louis smiles at Harry and Harry sees like Freddy smiles at him “ he has your smile.. I mean he looks like you” he says nervously, feeling angry for losing his gaurd for a second

Louis smiles wide “yeah, I was told that a lot.. “

Harry smiles again “ all I am saying is..he is an opened book, he will let you read him freely. Just be there for him”

Louis nods and then says “thanks Harry.. For being here for us.. For him I mean”

“ sure… anytime really”

“see you tomorrow then” louis says cheerfully “ and get some sleep please “?

Harry smiles and leaves the room.

******

When Harry entered the party, his eyes met Zayn who ignored him and looked at the other side. Harry walked inside and he looked for Liam. It was Liam’s birthday nit Zayn’s so he decided to ignore him too.

Perrie calls him “aren’t you gonna do something? “

“me? “

She huffs “ yes Harry you. He is so upset and angry”

Harry shrugs “I can’t see any reason for this behavior “

She groans “for God sake Harry, do something “

He shakes his head “no Pez I am not, this is not the first time and he needs to respect me more “

“you idiot he respects you. He-“

Then Liam Calls Harry’s name, so he leaves Perriw by herself and walks to Liam, he hugs him and wishes him a happy birthday. He looks at Perrie for the last time before leaving with Liam to his table.

 

He is sitting with Liam, and his girlfriend Cheryl, and two other friends.

Liam was telling a big story and everyone is laughing, then he goes to bring them some drinks.

“ so, you still works for the Tomlinsons? “ Cheryl asks

Harry looks at her frowning, “Eleanor is my friend “ she explains

Eleanor is Louis’s wife, or was.

Harry nods but doesn’t talk, Cheryl “how is he? Louis I mean”

Harry shakes his head “ I don’t know, I work with her son”

Cheryl nods “ poor kid”

Harry agrees, Cheryl says “she will sue him for the kid, she wants full custody although we know she can’t take care of him but she wants to make Louis pay for what he did”

Harry gets angry “ what he did? She cheated on him”

Cheryl looks at him surprised, Harry sighs “ they talk in the house.. “

Cheryl nods “that old lady Barbara her name. She hates Eleanor and she of course will fill the kids heart with poison”

Harry groans but doesn’t speak, he doesn’t want to hear bad words about Barbra but also doesn’t want to get involved.

“ so as her husband.. They are bad, always support Louis regardless what he does.. They will make the boy hate his mother ”

“they will do no such thing, where did you get these awful ideas from”

She smiles sadly at Harry and then parts his shoulder “you don’t understand Harry, you know nothing. But.. Sooner it will be over. She is raising the custody case next week, she will surprise him. All he knows that she wants the boy but he doesn’t know what she will do”

Harry does not speak again but his heart is beating fast, will she be able to take the boy? Will he be safe? And what about Louis.

“Harry buddy, you don’t look okay. You should go home” Liam says anxiously and Harry looks at him smiling and confused “what? “

Liam looks at the bar then at Harry “ you need some rest, where is Zayn..he was here… “ he is looking around him for Zayn

“what with you? Why do you want me suddenly to leave? “

“yeah Liam, why? “ even Cheryl is surprised, Liam glares at her then he looks again at Harry “ I think he is tired”

Cheryl also looks at Harry “ yeah.. You do look tired”

And what?

Harry looks between them then he looks at the bar and there he is standing, a bottle in his hand and he is laughing loudly

The same man Harry fall in love with, the same man who broke Harry’s heart and never looked back again.

Their eyes meets, Harry swallows thickly when he sees Nick walking towards him

Liam whispers“ you don’t have to do this”

But Harry says “ it’s okay”

“my God.. Look at you” Nick says raising his hands and hugs him strongly

Harry does not move his hands but Nick looks at him examining “look at you, you get more handsome… it has been long.. I haven’t seen you since… “

“since you left me at the hospital struggling to be alive. Yeah three years”

Nick puts his hands down “ yeah right. But look at you. You look better. Actually you look perfect”

Harry tries to smile “ I feel perfect, you too look okay”

Nick smiles “ how are you, where are you now”

Harry sighs “ I am okay”

“and your health? “

“what do you want Nick ? “he asks as calm as he can

Nick frowns “I saw an old friend at a public pub, I just came to say hi”

“fine, hi. Now you can leave”

Nick shakes his head “you still angry… it has been ages”

“I am not angry, but I don’t want to deal with you anymore”

Nick sighs and tries to put his hand on his shoulder, Harry steps away, his hearts is beating fast and he is trying very hard not to show his shaking body

Nick looks at something behind Harry “ well I think your bodyguard is still taking care of you” he means Zayn but Harry doesn’t look. He just looks down for a second and then he looks at Nick again “ Nick.. Just go”

But a tall handsome man walks towards them and hugs Nick from behind, Nick looks at him and then he smiles and kisses him on his lips. The man looks at Harry “ everything okay? “

Nick looks at Harry who is trying so hard not to threw up now, he knows that man, he had been seeing that man all the time he was dating Nick. That was Nick’s coach

“I am just saying hi to an old friend “

The man looks at harry and frowns “oh. I remember you”

Then Nick says “come on Nate let’s go” and he takes his hand and walks away to the bar again. Harry stares at them then he starts to feel he can’t breath. Just can’t breath.

Harry storms to the bathroom, luckily it is empty, he locks himself at one stall and he knees on the toilet seat and throws up, it is painful, he has nothing literally in his stomach and he still retching dry heaves.

Finally he rests his back on the wall, and wipes his tears trying to regulate his breathing

“open up Harry”

Harry sniffing “leave me alone Zayn, I am okay, you don’t have to watch over me”

“I am not watching over you idiot not again. I care about you… now please open”

Slowly harry reaches his hand and opens the door. Zayn enters and sits in front of him, although the place is too narrow but they can fit perfectly

“how do you feel? “ Zayn asks

Harry sighs “stupid. I am stupid Zayn. I mean it has been three years. He moved on… of course he did, but I… I am stuck.. I can’t live. I can barely live… my heart still hurts and I don’t know why and it hurts and I am stupid “

“you are not stupid.. You are a good man Harry styles… and you moved on too. You are just scared to fall in love again. You stopped thinking of him long time ago, when you stopped crying at night, when you gained your smile back, when you started your stupid jokes again.. “ Harry giggles, Zayn smiles “ you are okay without him. It is just the first time you see him since the break up. So you are nervous and shocked but nothing more"

Harry smiles but looks at his knee “I need some sleep”

“I know “

Harry looks at him “ you are not mad? “

Zayn frowns “ I am, I am furious right now. But I love you more so.. It’s you that matters to me"

Harry nods and then he hugs Zayn suddenly that he finches, then he wraps his hand around Harry

“thanks Zayn”

Zayn rubs his back “don’t thank me.. Just be okay “

Chapter Text

Harry was in the painting room with Freddy, they were painting but the silence was awkward, Harry was checking on the boy from time to time, but the boy seemed distant and didn’t want to do anything

“are you okay in there buddy? “ Harry asks looking at Freddy

Freddy shrugs and doesn’t speak, Harry asks “are you upset? “

Freddy puts the brush down and Harry follows, then the boy sits on the floor, Harry sits beside him holding his hot tea. His chest was on fire and he wanted something hot to relief the pain

“dad talked to me” the boy starts “ he asked if I wanted to stay with him or with mom after the divorce “

Harry nods “ and what did you say? “

“mom” he says looking down, looking very sad

“and.. Do you want to stay with your mom? “

He shrugs again and avoids looking at harry “ I don’t know”

Harry sighs, he doesn’t know what is going in the little boy’s mind “ okay, tell me what your heart tells you”

The little boy takes a deep breath “ I love dad so much, I know he is always busy but as long as he is not in his work, he plays with me and likes to spend time with me”

Harry does not talk, he waits for the boy to say all what’s in his heart “ and I love Barbra… and then there is Beth and Philip, and even Bebe who doesn’t get long with daddy I love them all very much”

Then he looks at Harry “ and you know I love you right? “

Harry nods his head, the boy says “but mom… she can’t make it without me”

And wait… what?

“what do you mean? “

He shrugs again “ she might hurt herself”

Harry’s heart is going crazy “ who told you that? “

Freddy looks at Harry “she did, before she went.. She told me if daddy takes me away from her she will die, she will kill herself because she can’t live without me”

Literally Harry can’t speak, he is looking at the little boy and he doesn’t know what are the right words to be said, he just hugs him and says “ but she won’t, she is just worried . I mean. Divorce is also a hard time for your mom and dad. She must be so nervous “

The boy says “ I really want to stay here but I am scared”

Harry pats his hair “ there is no need to be scared, I am sure everything will be okay”

“promise? “

“I promise “ Harry says but his heart is twisting in his chest, he feels sorry for the young boy and he can’t believe his mom can use him this way

******

Harry wants to talk to Barbra alone, she is wise enough and she would tell him what to do, she knows those couple since the beginning and she knows if Mrs Tomlinson can really hurt herself or she is just talking.

“ I think you should tell Louis” she finally says after Harry told her what the boy said

Harry looks at her with big eyes “no, why me? I mean.. Why don’t you tell him”

She sighs and smiles sadly “okay, I know Louis loves me so much, but Eleanor was always a subject we fight about.. So I don’t think me telling him is a good idea”

Me neither, but he doesn’t talk

She continues “he trusts you and I think he will do something, I mean all the people who works here loves Louis from their hearts, but you.. Who is a stranger from us and I don’t mean it in the bad way. He will take your words into consideration”

Harry sighs “ but, he is his son, he will believe you”

She smiles again “ he will, but he maybe also believes that Fred is telling me that so I don’t feel sad, we are too close. Please harry do it for the little boy”

Harry nods but he feels this is wrong "did she hurt herself before?"

Barbra sighs and she doesn't speak but she says after few seconds

“he is on his way, would you like a cup of tea while waiting? “

He nods his head, she stands up “oh and Harry, can you please keep it a secret between the two of us”

“of course “ and then she walks to press the kettle

“so, how are you Harry? You don’t seem yourself today”

Harry looks at Barbra who is watching him, she says “ I know you by the heart now “

“you do” he smiles, “I met someone I was kind of… hoping not to see him again”

She nods and she ours the hot water “how did it go?”

Harry takes a deep breath “ okay.. I guess. But after, not okay”

She puts the cup in front of him and says “your ex?”

Harry just nods, she sits in front of him

“do you still love him? “

“no” the answer comes almost immediately “but… I don’t know why my heart aches this much”

She nods her head “ maybe because you were hurt badly”

“I was”

“but you will be okay, it’s like you just remembered the pain. Not living through it again. Have you ever break your arm? Or leg? “

Harry frowns “ I broke my arm when I was thirteen”

“and every time you remember, or maybe see the place you got hurt you feel the pain. But nothing more. You won’t live through it again”

Harry looks at his cup and thinks about what she is saying

“Harry, have you met someone after? “

“no.. I can’t “

She frowns “ why not?”

Harry looks at her “ I can’t get heartbroken again. It hurts and my heart is too weak for this”

She smiles “ your heart is okay. You are okay you just haven’t seen the right one yet. But you will “

He smiles “okay “

“I mean it”

He looks at her and says “ thank you Barbara.. “

She cups his face “ you are a good man Harry Styles and you deserve the best. Keep this in your mind”

*****

Harry didn’t leave, he waited for Louis to tell him what Freddy told him. To be honest he was scared for the little kid, he was just a kid and he didn’t deserve to be in such drama.

Louis on the other hand just arrived from his work. He walks towards his office while having a phone on his hand, but again he sees Harry sleeping on the couch in the reception, he looks at his watch it’s eleven pm so he frowns. He walks slowly towards him and he gently shakes him. Harry first doesn’t respond, then he calls his name and slowly Harry flutters his eyes open. Louis looks at him and doesn’t talk.

Suddenly Harry again jumps on his feet cursing

“ shit… shit. I slept.. Again, I am so sorry.. I don’t know what is the wrong with me”

Louis finally smiles at him “ but are you okay though? I mean you are supposed to be left like two hours ago”

Harry with wide eyes looks at his watch, Louis says “ why does they let you stay. Is Freddy still awake? “

“no, no” he says hastily “ actually I am still here to talk to you. It is about Freddy”

Louis frowns deep “ what happened”

Harry sees the panic in Louis’ eyes and he notices Bebe is cleaning around them “er.. Can we talk in your office? “

Louis sees Bebe from the corner of his eyes, then he looks at Harry “ yeah, let’s talk in the office…” then he calls “Bebe… can you please get us two cups of coffee? “

Bebe nods but looks between Harry and Louis “ Harry is a tea person”

“is he? “ Louis asks looking at Harry, Harry says “I don’t need anything really”

Louis looks at bebe “get me my coffee and get Harry’s what he likes”

He walks to the office followed by Harry, he enters and closes the door behind them. He walks to his desk and sits down and puts all his bags and files in front of him.
“sit down please “

Harry slowly sits in front of him. Louis rubs his tempers and Harry feels sorry immediately.

“so what is it? “

Harry takes a long breath then he says “ you asked Fred about where he wants to stay? “

Louis nods anxiously “ i did, he told me he wants his mother”

Harry nods his head and looks down, “did he tell you anything? “

“he did actually, and it scares me” Harry answers

“Harry just tell me”

Harry looks at him “ he told me what happened between the two of you, he also told me he loves you and loves Barbra and Philips…”

“then why he wants his mom I don’t understand “ Louis sighs sadly.

Harry looks at him and then at the ground, his hands are already shaking and he feels a pain in his chest and his stomach twisted.

“ it’s his mom” he says, Louis snaps his head up to him

“ what? What do you mean.. Did she told him something? “

Harry’s sees the panicked look in his eyes but he knows he has to tell him

Louis jumps on his feet “what? “

Harry also stands up with shaking knees

“ she actually did. She told him she might hurt herself if he chose you”

Louis yells “she did what? “

Harry doesn’t talk, he looks at Louis with big eyes,
“are you sure? He told you that himself? “

Harry nods his head “he did, this morning. Maybe he is using his imagination.. Maybe he didn’t understa-“

Louis screamers again “ that bitch. I should have known that… damn”

He is pacing the room furiously that Harry can swear he could see fumes coming out of his head. He glares at Harry “did she said anything else? “

Harry shakes his head, Louis stops at the desk silently
Harry swallows thickly and takes one step closer “ listen Dr Tomlinson.. Maybe you just nee-“

But Louis takes an crystal ashtray and throws it away Startling harry and freezing him in his place.

Louis yells angrily but Harry does not listen. He is trapped in his mind and he cannot move. He hears his breathing in his ears. He gets sweaty and all his body is trembling. He feels he can’t breathe. He feels cold and very dizzy. He closes his eyes to control what is happening. He knows what is happening, he is having a panic attack.

His heart is racing and he wants to control it, he can’t lose his mind now in front of Louis. What he will think about him? He is not gonna trust him again with his son.

Harry suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder. He opens his eyes and he see Barbra is standing at him
“are you okay? “ she asks

He slowly starts to get his awareness, okay he didn’t have it he just almost did.

He takes a deep breath and notices that his hand is clutching his chest. Then he looks around him and there is no sign for Louis.

Barbra notices his confusion “ I heard him yelling so I rushed inside. Luckily his friend is here.. They are outside”

Harry nods and closes his eyes again

“I guess you need to sit down”

He shakes his head, but she insists. Then Louis enters again behind him a blue eyed man with brown hair and a glasses.

“are you okay Harry? “ Louis asks with an honest concern

Harry feels embarrassed and he nods his head. Bebe enters with three cups of hot drinks

Then Louis sits at the couch in front of the desk and Niall sits beside him on the chair. And Bebe puts the cups in front of them on the table and leaves.

“come on Harry. She made you your tea”

Barbra rubs his back softly but he says “ no… I… I will leave”

But Louis looks at him pleading “drink something please”

Harry just walks and sits beside Louis on the couch. He does need to sit. He can’t stand or he is gonna pass out.

“Did you know about this Barb? “ Harry hears Louis saying

She sighs “ just this morning when Harry told me. I asked Beth but she said she doesn’t know anything she feels Fred is closing in himself, he doesn’t talk to anyone recently.. Well except Harry of course “

Louis shakes his head in disbelief and then Barbra says “okay, I am gonna leave now. Call me if you need anything “

She leaves and Harry wants to call her and ask her to help him outside, he wants to leave, he wants his bed and he wants to be alone

 

“Harry. This is my best friend. NIALL Horan”

Harry looks at the man sitting on the chair, he was smiling at Harry “nice to meet you lad”

Harry nods but he still can’t talk

“I am sorry I lost it earlier.. I am just –“ Louis says, but Harry shakes his head and looks in front

Louis looks at him “ are you sure you are okay? “

Harry nods then rubs his face, he needs to go.
He stands up slowly “I need to leave” but he felt
swaying and then a strong hand clutches his arms strongly and support him

Harry is very dizzy, “you need to sit down”

The he feel himself sitting down “ I can hear your heart going crazy from here. You need to calm down” Louis says to Harry.

Harry opens his eyes and looks at Louis, he is looking back at him with a huge frown but mixed with concerns.

“I am okay”

Louis says “I do think you are”. Harry is gaining his power back “no, I am okay. Just need some sleep”

Niall says “ do you have your car? You can’t drive this way”

Harry smiles shyly “no I don’t have a car. I walk to the tube? “

“are you having a laugh? It’s like three hours away”

Harry again smiles “ 90 minutes exactly.. It is really okay”

Again he stands up, but Louis stands up with him “I will drive you home, come on”

Harry shakes his head “no, no.. It is really okay. I will be fine”

Louis ignores him and picks up his keys and his coat
He looks at Harry “ where is your jacket? “

Harry sighs “ my stuff are outside, but Dr Tomlinson you don’t have to really”

Louis smiles for the first time this day “ no, I do. I owe you”

*****
“I am truly sorry I lost it Harry, I didn’t mean it “ Louis says looking at the road

Harry smiles “ please stop apologizing. I am the one who should apologize, I mean I didn’t mean to panic” he said shyly

Louis looks at him “ was if a panic attack? “

“almost one” he sighs

Louis looks again at the road and stays silent, Harry says “I am sorry. They don’t happen a lot. It never happened in front of Fred I promise”

Louis looks at him and nods, then say “ how long do you have them? “

Harry shrugs “ since I was a little kid I guess. My dad was.. He was always angry and he kept yelling at me all the time when I was a kid. He…. Yeah.. I started to have them back there”

He doesn’t want to talk about it, he doesn’t want to talk about his past, his father physical abuse. He does not like to remember his childhood. All the pain and cries that he still can hear and feel them nearly daily before he sleeps, he doesn’t want to remember any of this.

Maybe the look on his face that makes Louis understands and change the subject

“so you and your friend came to live here since how long? “

Harry smiles “Zayn… we came here like four years ago “

“you were kids back there”

Harry smiles “zayn is couple of years older than me. So he moved here first and I followed him one year later”

“are you doing okay? “

Harry nods “we are good yeah. We both work for the rent, and we share our food and stuff together.. It is nothing new actually I used to live in his house back home more than in mine” he smiles remembering those times.

Louis again looks at him but with a blank face, “do you have siblings Harry? “

Harry this time nods sadly “ I have one sister, she is three years older”

Louis apparently can see Harry’s sad face because he says “ I have four sisters and one brother “

Harry’s face lighten up with a smile “ wow, that’s really amazing”, Louis looks in front and says “ it was also amazing when we were kids, we had our loses but we survived. I lost my mom years ago and then my sister followed her..”

“oh God”

Louis looks at Harry and he sees tears formed already in his eyes, he smiles to reassure him “ it was tough yeah. But we made it”

Harry looks in front and doesn’t talk for a while, then he says

“Dr Tomlinson, I have something else to say”

Louis looks at him with a frown this time “now what Harry? And please call me Louis”

But Harry says “it’s also about your wife… I mean ex wife.. I mean you know”

Louis groans and hit the steering wheel with his hand “what did she do? “

Harry flinches again and Louis notices again so he takes a long breath “ I am sorry Harry, I won’t lose it again I promise “.

Harry nods “yeah, yeah.. I am sorry. Anyway do you know any Cheryl? Happens to be Mrs Tomlinsons friend? “

“yeah.. I know Cheryl, they are close. I met her boy friend twice I guess”

“you know Liam? “ Harry gasps, and Louis nods and look at him and can’t help not smile “I do.. And obviously you too. He talked to me about someone he knows with some heart problem since I am a cardio surgeon. . But that happened last year I believe, so they are still together”

Harry doesn’t reply and Louis looks at him “ are you still with me? Did I scare you again? “

Harry hastily looks at him “no, no.. But Cheryl told me that Ele- I mean your wife is rising a custody case. She wants full custody”

Louis looks in front and he doesn’t talk, he doesn’t yell like Harry expected

“are you okay? “ Harry asks after a long silence

Louis nods his head “I am okay Harry, I kind of knew this. My lawyer told me she might do this but we don’t know when”

“next week”

Louis snaps his head to him, Harry nods sadly “ yeah. Cheryl also told me. I guess she wants to take you by surprise or something “

Louis sighs and looks in front again “ I can’t believe I am chose her to be the mother of my child”

Harry bits his lower lip thinking of saying anything that may help.

“she is not taking him away from me” Louis says more to himself than to Harry

Louis looks at Harry “ do you have classes tomorrow? “

Harry nods “I can come next. I will finish at Two”

Louis shakes his head “no, you get some sleep, you need it”

Again Harry nods and say nothing. He feels weak to argue and he has a lot of work to do tomorrow after his classes anyway.

Harry remains silent till he arrives he thanks Louis and he walks to his building as fast as he can, he knows Louis is watching him but he also feels too weak to walk faster. He enters the build g and he leans on the wall to catch his breath.

Chapter Text

the alarm goes off beside Harry on the night stand, he reaches his hand blindly to turn it off. He didn’t sleep well. Yesterday was a very tough day, he had four classes and he had to run to his studio he shares with Zayn to finish his painting for the next project.

Harry slowly opens his eyes, he hears sounds coming from outside his room, so Perrie is here. He takes a deep breath but his chest as usual hurts and he stands up. He feels the works is spinning and he collapses on his bed again. Then it hits him. He feel his heart is going to burst out of his chest and he feels he cannot breath. He takes his watch from the nightstand and put his index and middle finger on his wrest to check his pulse. He looks at his watch and he doesn’t want to panic, he feel he is about to have a heart attack but also he knows s it’s gonna end soon.

It takes few minutes then his heart gains its regular beats. He feels sweaty and he knows how pale he looks. And then the door is opened and Zayn enters

“good morning Harry” Zayn says walking towards Harry’s phone charger “I am gonna take this”

Harry doesn’t respond, he stays on the bed and he feels he can’t move.

Slowly he lies down again and Zayn almost gasp “what happened? “

“relax” Harry only says and closes his eyes.

Zayn walks and sits by him on bed “did you have an attack? “

“barely”

Zayn sighs “I know it, I know it is gonna happen. You don’t sleep, you don’t eat.. Of course you will get triggered “

Harry does not answer, instead he closes his eyes
“how do you feel now?” Zayn asks

Harry again nods his head, his phone goes off but Harry doesn’t move zayn holds it and says “ she is your mom.. Do you want me to answer? “

Harry shakes his head and opens his eyes, Zayn gives him his phone and he answers “yes mom… good morning “

Zayn is watching him but again Harry closes his eyes “ is he? “ his eyes opens wide and his face turns into panic again “ I am so sorry mom.. Yeah, yeah I will come soon I promise… no I am fine, my voice is okay I just wake up.. Okay love you” then he ends the call.

“what? “ Zayn asks

“Robin is in the hospital again” he sighs

Zayn frowns “ is it bad this time? “

He shrugs “ but she is so sad. I need to go”

“when? “

“I don’t know… but I will find time. She told me not to, she just wants me to phone him”

Zayn nods his head sadly “alright, I will call him too”

Harry nods and then he sits on his bed, Zayn still watching him “ are you okay? “

“yes I swear, I am okay now “

“you need rest”

He nods “I know, but not today”

Zayn huffs “ are you going to work? “

Harry stands up slowly but luckily he doesn’t get dizzy, he looks at Zayn “I have to go”

“no you don’t.. You don’t specially if you are feeling like this”

Harry walks to the bathroom, but Zayn groans “Harry I mean it”

Harry gets out and looks at him “ I know, and I promise I am fine. The kid needs me Zayn his parents are having a divorce and he is really sad, I am afraid he might be depressed to be honest”

Zayn stands up but he doesn’t speak, the look on his face is restless. Harry says “okay, tell you what? I will take two days of, how about that? “

“you always say that and you never do”

“I will do it today”

Zayn huffs finally and says “ I will give you the ride then”

Harry smiles and nods.

*******
“he lives here? “ Zayn asks whole stopping the car in front of the gate

Harry giggles “he does I told you he was rich”

“yeah I thought he is your ex rich not Kim kardashian rich”

Then one of the securities walks to the car, but once he sees Harry he greets him happily, and the he opens the gate after harry telling him that Zayn is a friend and just giving him the ride

“you are famous here too, no wonder why you want to come”

Harry giggles again, Zayn says “ does the kid needs a sculptor, I can help”

Then Harry sees Louis getting in his car, “I will ask him.. I have to go now, thanks Zayn”

Then he leaves the car hastily, Louis notices him before getting inside and for a second he sees a worried look on his face, then Louis looks between him and Zayn then he gets inside his car and the car leaves without a single word. Harry frowns but gets inside anyway.

******
Fred is painting while Harry is sitting on the floor drinking his tea, he can barely move and he feels so exhausted. He didn’t expect he will be this tired. He tells himself just an hour to go and you can make it Harry.

The door is opened and Louis enters, he looks between them and Harry really wants to stand up but he can’t

“how is everything here? “ he asks looking at his son, Fred smiles “what do you think daddy? Harry finished his part… “

Louis looks at the huge spiderman and smiles widely, Harry finally stands up and walks to stand up Louis who is still examining his work

“that’s really amazing Harry”

Harry blushes “it’s okay”

Louis looks at him “no, it is marvelous. I really hope you can show me all your work one day”

Harry smiles “I can invite you for the next gallery. It’s in February “

“I am coming for sure “

Harry smiles and says “ I will be honored”

Louis looks again at the painting “I saw you this morning, who is he? “ he asks straight away

Harry is taken back but he says “ that’s my friend “

“um… you seem close” he asks avoiding looking at him

“we are”

“I didn’t know”

“you didn’t know what? “ okay, Harry is so confused

“nothing “ he frowns and looks down

Harry nods his head and says “I told you about him, Zayn? My room mate, he is family

Louis snaps his head up “ Zayn? “

“yeah, my room mate. The one I share my rent with”

“yes of course that Zayn” he smiles big “ say hi to him”

He nods but still confused, why did he looked upset for a while when he talked d about Zayn, why he was interested anyway. The Fred says

“Harry. I told daddy about the birthday”

Harry nods his head but his cheeks burn somehow, he looks at Louis who is looking at him smiling “that would be lovely if you joined us Harry”

Harry smiles too “that is really my pleasure doctor, but I think it is a family occasion “

“you are family Harry” Freddy says hastily

Harry does not talk, but Louis says “you are. You are a part of this house now. And we really need you to come. And please call me Louis”

“but there is one problem “ Freddy says

Harry looks at him “ what is it? “

“we don’t know where to go” he says, Louis smiles “ we were thinking for the past few days and we really can’t reach anything “

Harry smiles “when I was younger, I was going to skate in Christmas eve”

“really? “ Freddy says excitedly “ can we go daddy, please, please, please “

Louis laughs “ okay, okay we will. But Harry will need to teach us two”.

He looks at Harry with a smoky eyes and Harry again feels shy and looks down.

******
Louis insists that Harry have dinner with them, and with Freddy’s pleadings he approves. But as usual he touches the food and this time Louis notices that all what he did is making sure Freddy is eating well.
Louis looks at Harry while he is drinking water after Freddy walked to wash his hands

“ Harry… you don’t like our food or something? You never touches the food”

Harry gets hesitated and anxious “no, no I do eat.. It’s just today my stomach isn’t feeling okay”

Louis opens his mouth to talk but Harry’s phone goes off and the look on Harry’s face tells it was a bad call.
“can I take this outside? “ he asks Louis who nods with concern.

He watches Harry walks out from the glass door and he walks in the back garden then he answers. Louis doesn’t hear what he is saying but he can see his struggles from his seat. He is completely silent only nods his head and maybe said two words. When he ended the call Louis walks to him and he sees the tears in Harry’s eyes. When Harry notices him he wipes his tears immediately

“everything okay? “

Harry nods “yeah, she is my sister”

Louis nods he remembers harry told him before they aren’t getting long

“is she okay? “

Harry takes a deep breath and looks at Louis with remaining tears “ she told me about my step dad. He is very sick”

“oh, I am sorry are you close? “

“very, he is like a father time. He is with mom since I was ten and they got married when I was eighteen.. It is a life time” his voice cracked and Louis patted his shoulder “ what is his matter? “

“he has cancer. They say it is very critical and uncurable”

“I am sorry Harry”

Harry nods “so Gemma is telling me his updates, mom called me this morning and told me he is in the hospital”

“you need to go”

Harry shakes his head “ I can’t now. I have a lot of unfinished works, I have two exams before Christmas.. So maybe I will go after Christmas I don’t know”

Louis nods his head “ I am sorry your life is complicated at this moment “

Harry chuckles “my life is always complicated doctor.. It is my life”

He tries to take a deep breath again but he fails and he clutches his chest, Louis looks at him worried “ are you okay? “

“I am fine. I just need to leave now”

“is Zayn coming to take you? “

Harry shakes his head “no, not tonight. But I am okay I can walk to-“

“non sense… I will drive you”

“no doctor please.. I –“

But Louis helps Harry to get inside and he calls Bebe, she comes running and when she sees Harry her face turns into panic “yes sir? “

Louis says “where is Harry’s bag and jacket, get them now and wait at the door” he looks at Harry “you wait here. I will get my keys”

Harry nods and Louis storms to his office, Bebe comes back and she dresses Harry his jacket “ are you okay? You look bad”

“I feel bad” he says

Then she givea him his bag and he puts it on his shoulder “I will be fine”

“you need rest”

“I know.. “

“no I mean it, you need your rest Harry. Don’t make me tell him, don’t make me do this” she threatens him but he knows she is scared and she won’t do this

“don’t “ he says sternly

Bebe sighs but she sees Louis and so she stops. “let’s go Harry”

Harry follows him without any single word.

At the car Harry is sleeping while Louis is driving, Louis does not wake him up, he doesn’t want to upset him till they reach home.

He parks his car and he shakes Harry softly, Harry opens his eyes and he is obviously confused
“we are home Harry “

Harry looks around him and then he sighs “ I did it again”

“it’s really okay, you need your sleep. Now you go and have some extra”

Harry smiles “ thanks Doctor.. “

Louis groans “Harry… “

Harry smiles “ thanks Louis”

But he doesn’t move, he doesn’t open the door
Louis frowns and looks at him “ are you okay? “

Harry closes his eyes “ actually I am very dizzy right now”

“oh.. Er. Do you want me to take you to hospital? “

“no. No just can you help to get out of the car”

Louis becomes very worried and also hysteric “yeah.. Yeah I can do that”

He jumps out of the car and runs to Harry’s, he opens the door and he looks at Harry who is still closing his eyes “ what is it Harry? “

Harry opens his eyes and smiles, he tries to get out but Louis supports him and Harry leans on him. They stand for few seconds while Harry’s body stop swaying but Louis hears his breathing is getting shallow and he panics “ Harry.. You need to see a doctor”

Harry shakes his head barley, and he starts to walk
“alright.. Is Zayn at home? “

“I guess”

Louis can’t believe him right now “guess? Harry you can’t be alone”

Harry sighs and looks at him “ I can believe me, it’s not the first time”

He is freeing himself “don’t worry doctor, I will be fine”

He wants to walk alone but of course Louis won’t let him, so he again grasped his arm and Harry looks at him, Louis says “ I will help you”

Harry remains silent all the way to the flat, in front of the door, he puts his keys out his pocket and he gives them to Louis. Louis doesn’t talk he takes them and he opens the door for Harry. Then he helps him and together they steppes inside

“Harry. Is that you? “ a voice comes from inside,

“I am”

Then Louis sees a mid height man with black hair and Hazel eyes looking at them “what’s wrongs? “ he asks then he storms to Harry

“I am fine”

Zayn ignores Louis and helps Harry instead, Harry tells him “ I am just dizzy”

“of course you are, damn it Harry I knew it, I knew this was going to happen, first what happened in the morning and then this. Don’t tell me you passes out too” Louis is watching Zayn and he still remembers what Bebe told Harry earlier, so now he is ure it's serious and he hates to be in the dark.

 

Harry looks at Zayn “ Zayn have you met my boss? Doctor Louis Tomlinson “

Louis was listening to what Zayn saying shockingly, but when he heard Harry mentioning his name he felt upset, he knew Harry was trying to shut his friend up.

Zayn looks at Louis and then he smiles “ I am sorry, you are welcome sir. Would you like a cup of tea”

Louis actually doesn’t want anything, he just wants to know what is the wrong with Harry, so he nods “ tea would be good”

Zayn smiles politely and he leaves them to sit in the living room. The flat was small. Only a small living and an opened kitchen. Then three closed doors the bed rooms and the bathroom.

Harry sits beside Louis on the couch I front of the TV “ sorry for the mess”

The place is messy, their brushes and Zayn instruments are everywhere. Rolled papers at the corner of the room.

“we try to make it clean as possible as we can”

Louis looks at him, and he does looks a little better “ it’s okay Harry. Actually I used to live in small flat when I was younger”

 

“you did? “ Harry asked shocked

Louis smiled “I did. When I was studying I wanted to live by myself, and help myself. Didn’t want the money from my parents. So I rented a place with my friend Niall you saw him the other night. And we lived together”

Harry smiles and then Zayn comes and puts the cup of tea on front of Louis, he looks at Harry and then sits at the chair

“so Zayn. Harry told me a lot about you”

Zayn smiles again “did he? “

“yeah. He told me about your talent and your friendship “

Zayn sighs “he is my family”

Louis nods his head “he said that too. So harry does this happen a lot ? “

Zayn looks down while Harry says “no, not a lot, only when I can’t have my sleep”

“then you should have your sleep Harry”

Zayn suddenly says “ he need two days off”

“Zayn? “ Harry groans, Zayn looks at him “ what you promised you will tell him”

“I promised I will not you”

“it doesn’t matter”

Harry huffs while Louis is still watching them, “I was giving you two days off anyways harry. You look tired”

Then Zayn stands up “I have to make a phone call” he excuses and leaves.

Harry watches him leaving and says “he worries a lot”

“should he? “ Louis asks

Harry looks at him frowning and then he shakes his head. Louis sees he is lying but he doesn’t comment

“okay Harry. Take your days off as long as you can”

“no, no only two days, I will call Fred and tell him myself in the morning. He hates when I don’t come”

Louis narrowed his brows “ does he? “

Harry giggles “he does. Last time he refused to speak to me for two days”

Louis shakes his head in disbelief “he is really attached to you”

“he is. I love him so much, he is like my little brother”

Louis smiles and then says “I am scared about him”

Harry looks at Louis, and Louis says “I just want him to be okay with all what is happening “

Harry says “ I am scared too, I mean… he looks distant most of the times, he is different. I am trying my best to be there and understand his pain. But he locks me away”

“you are the only one he talks to you Harry”

Harry nods “yeah I noticed. Beth also told me”

Louis sighs “ I need to take him away for sometime. Maybe go to Italy or Spain for some time. He loves there”

Harry smiles “ and maybe talk to him too. He loves you”

Louis is looking at Harry, at his eyes and his lips. Then he says “ I guess I should go so you can rest”

Harry blushes too and then Louis stands up, Harry follows him to the door. Louis stops at the door and says “ Harry, I don’t have your number “

“what? “

Louis says hesitant “ I need your number in case I wanted anything”

Louis puts his hand in his pocket, “ yeah sure” then louis gives him his phone and harry types his number and gives it back

Louis saves the name and looks at Harry “get your sleep Styles” and then he leaves.

*******

Harry is sitting in the library reading some books about his next assignment. He feels much better now, he slept and no one wakes him up. Zayn made him his breakfast and left it for him to eat so when he woke up he took his shower and ate his breakfast and then he went to library.

“Harry, hello”

He looks in front and she was Cheryl. He smiles and she sits in front “long time no see sweaty”

Cheryl is working at the library part time. He nods his head “been busy, how are you and Liam? “

She smiles “we are fine. Busy with the Tomlinson”

He sighs “Cheryl. I am just doing my job”

“okay, okay. I just feel sorry for the little kid”

“well we should, his mother is putting him in touch situation”

He frowns “mother? “

Garry shakes his head “no, I am not gonna talk to you about this. You are her friend so no”

“we aren’t friends.. I mean not any more”

He looks at her with raised brows, he sighs “ we fought. She is losing her mind right now and she can’t think right. She feels Louis will take all her rights from her and she will return to her zero point and she is literally losing her mind. I tried to put reason back but she got crazy and threw me out of her place”

Harry nods “ where does she live anyway? “

“at her old place. Small flat she used to live when she met Louis first time”

Harry shakes his head “ I just don’t understand why would she do that? Why did she cheat? She had a good family and her husband obviously loved her, he is broken”

Cheryl doesn’t talk first then she says “ he used to… but not anymore and I don’t think he is blaming her for the divorce. Blaming her for Fredd maybe but not the divorce “

“what does it mean? “

Cheryl sighs “ listen, I respect him very much he is a good man. He was taking good care of her but… two years ago everything started to collapse. And I think he will divorce her without any troubles”

“cheryl what do you know? “ he says impatiently

“Two years ago, she saw him with a man”

Harry is looking at her “okay and? “

“with a man Harry, on the bed…"

Harry’s eyes turn wide “oh, he cheated first”

“and with a man.. He is gay Harry, or that what he is but he is still in the closet”

Harry narrows his brows and keeps silent, Cheryl says “she saw them and she lost her mind. He told her if she wants a divorce he can give her but he keeps his son with him. She stayed for the sake of her son and she never saw him again with anyone. But she knew he wasn’t into her anymore and their relation came to an end. So he gave her everything she needed maybe because feeling guilty or whatever.. SHe maybe tried to hurt herself which I find it very hard to believe.. I mean she doesn’t love him this way. She was cheating on him with her ex since they got married and… “

“wow wow wow… stop. I don’t want to hear that”

Cheryl shrugs “ as you like. Anyway I want you to take care”

“me? “

“yeah you. She knows you are close to her son, she may will use you by any mean”

He smiles “stop those conspiracy theories in your mind, nothing will happen”

She puts her hand on his “just promise me to take care, I mean I am the one who got you the job so I will feel awful if anything happened to you “

He looks at her and asks in sarcasm “ what could happen to me Cheryl? I only work there and that’s it”

She nods not convinced and then she leaves.

******

Harry is n his small studio that he shares with Zayn, it belongs to Zayn’s father so they don’t mind the rent.

They spend hours and hours there fi the aging their work. Harry had to finish this painting today and he knows he will stay till after midnight he called Zayn and told him and Zayn said he will join him later.

Harry was painting but his mind was taken with what Cheryl said, he believes it was a lie. Louis is not gay he will know if he is right? But again he caught him staring multiple times, he flirted with him many times. But no he isn’t gay and Harry does not have a chance right? Harry likes him so much and he tries his best not to look, not to stare or say something wrong.

His phone goes off, he looks at it and his hands are covered with colors

He picks up “ hello? “

“Harry, hi.. It’s Louis”

Harry freeze and doesn’t talk, Louis says “ Louis Tomlinson? “

“yeah. Yeah I know who you are”

“are you okay? How do you feel today? “

Harry smiles and walks by the window for good reception “ I feel great, thank you and don’t worry I am really fine”

“where are you? Sleeping at home? “

“no.. Actually I am at the studio, I have long night here”

“oh”

Harry confused “ what is it? “

“nothing. I am just at your building, I brought you some tea, think we can drink it together. I need to tell you something “

Harry bits his lower lip “ I can send you the location, it’s not far”

“yes, please. I am on my way”

Harry enda the call and sends him the location but his heart is going crazy, he has no idea if this is right or wrong, now he knows Louis is gay… or maybe Eleanor just said that. He won’t think about it now.

Exactly five minutes later the door was knocked. Harry walks and opens the door. Louis is standing in front of him with two cups in his hand and a brown bag “ I brought you éclair “

Harry smiles and Louis is staring at his face, Harry takes the bag from his hand and heads inside, Louis follows him but still watching his face, Harry looks at him drinking a sip of his tea “ what?! “

Louis was smiling wide, Harry sighs “ something on my face is it? “ Harry’s face was stained with green color
Louis smiles “ it makes you more handsome” and Harry gets so hesitant, he looks at anything but Louis.
Louis looks around him, the studio was small, covered with unfinished painting, broken statues, sheets were covering a lot of things.

“that’s a nice place”

Harry giggles “ it is not “

Louis looks at him “it is”

“it’s messy”

“it’s your works, this place is filled with your work so it has every right to be messy”

Then he walks and stops in front the painting Harry is drawing. It’s acrylic painting of a man’s face from behind. Harry only used the gree, blue and Black colors, it shows only a man’s hair and half of his face as he was saying goodbye to certain things

“is that you? “ he says looking at the painting

Harry doesn’t talk, so Louis says “ what does it mean? “

Harry shrugs “ letting go”

Louis looks at him, Harry says “sometime it’s not easy to let go. Sometimes letting go makes your life black and blue but eventually you know it’s the right thing”

“did you let go I mean? “

Harry sighs “ I am still trying, I told you it’s hard but I have to”

Louis nods “it’s hard. It changes you”

“it does..”

Then Harry says “ so what did you want to tell me? “

Louis shrugs “ it’s about Fred. I know you called him this morning. He didn’t eat until you told him to”

He nods his head “I am so sorry”

Louis “no, I am here to thank you. He loves you so much and he does whatever you ask him… so thank you”

“no, don’t mention this. All I want is him to be okay”

Louis looks down “ I don’t know about that. I hope too”

******
Next morning Harry is drinking his tea in his favorite coffee shop, he wake up an hour ago and he really needs to eat something and he wants to finish his paper assignment.

“is this seat taken? “

Harry looks up but the man says “ i don’t think so” then he sits

Harry sighs “ what do you want Nick? “

Nick smiles “ checking up on you”

“I am fine. You can go now” he looks back at his papers

“I can’t believe you are still mad at me. It happened three years ago. Life goes on”

But Harry doesn’t answer, he just stays silent.

“ I am sure you moved on too. I am sure you found your true love”

Harry sighs and looks at him “ Nick.. Just go”

“ Harry I thought you better than this”

“than what? What exactly did you expect from me? After what you did to me? “

“I was scared Harry. I didn’t expect to you this way. I thought you died that night. I mean you literally died than night and I couldn’t.. This is not what I want, this is not what I chose for Harry”

Harry is staring at him with tears in his eyes, Nick says “ you scared me Harry. And I am not a person to live in stress all his life, I mean you hid it from me. How could you do this to me.. You let me find out the hardest way. I didn’t know what was happening… “

“why are we talking about this now? “

“because obviously you still angry at me”

Harry chuckles “ are you fucking with me? Okay I can understand that you panicked that night… but fir three years? You never called.. You never apologized. You left me alone for God sake and you never even wanted to call to ask about what I am doing. You thought I died Nick.. You looked surprised seeing me okay”

Nick looks down, Harry sighs again “ I don’t understand what you want Nick”

Nick looks at him “ just to be friends again”

Harry frowns then he laughs “friends? Why? What do you want form me? Do you want me back now since I look better? “

Nick shakes his head “ I am engaged Harry. I just want us to be friends “

And that really hurts. Harry looks at his fingers and then he put out his wallets and he puts the money for his drinks and then he gathers his stuff and leaves. Without a single word. He just walks away trying to forget what he heard. But he can’t stop himself from crying.

Chapter Text

Harry spent the whole night crying. He couldn’t stop himself he was too sad and angry. He hated Nick and he wished he never saw him again, no he wished he never saw him from the start.

Next morning, his eyes were puffed and red. His head was hurting from the crying. He dressed up and he avoided talking to anyone and he headed to his work.
Louis wasn’t there so Harry moved directly to Freddy, Bebe offered him some tea but she did not comment his look and he was thankful.

Harry and Freddy are studying but as usual Freddy is looking so sad, he isn’t focusing and Harry started to feel there is something else wrong

He is watching him doing his mathematics exercise but Freddy is doing it wrong again.

“Freddy.. Stop”

He takes the pencil from hi and he closes the book, Freddy looks at him and Harry says “ something is in your mind. You can’t concentrate so what is going on”
Freddy looks down, Harry sighs “ aren’t we friends Fred? “

The kid nods his head, Harry smiles “you know you can trust me right? “

Then Freddy started to cry. Louis hugs him tightly and he rubs his head “what is the matter? Tell me”

The boy wipes his tears “ it’s my fault “

Harry frowns and looks at him “ what fault? What are you talking about? “

Freddy looks at him “ they hates each other because of me”

“you mean your dad and mom”

He nods

Harry sighs and hugs him again “ you know you have nothing to do with their troubles. And they don’t hate each other… but the love has changed but not replaced with hate”

Freddy shakes his head “no, he hates her I heard him. He said he will send her to jail. This is happening because of me”

Harry doesn’t know what to say, he is sure Louis had said that but he needs to calm the boy down

“listen to me. I promise you this is not your fault “

“he wants to put her in jail because of me, because he doesn’t want her to have me. And Harry… I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to stay with anyone of them. Can you take me home with you? “

Harry smiles “I would be honored, but we can’t “ then he sighs “I know how you feel Freddy, I k ow I thought it was my fault too but trust me it’s not. It is something about them. They can’t live together anymore, they aren’t happy together maybe when they are apart they will find their happiness. And so do you”

Freddy nods his head, Harry kisses his forehead “I want you to stop thinking about it and tell me are you ready for next Thursday? “

The boy nods and wipes his tears again smiling.
******
They arrived at the ice rink in the morning, Louis insisted to take Harry from his flat and they moved from there. The ride was so funny, Harry gave Louis his present which was green woolen scarf and Louis loved it immediately and put it around his neck till the end of the day.

They knew nothing about skating, so Harry was their tutor and he helped the two of them to skate holding their hands, they fell a lot but no bones broken thanks to God, and at the end of the day Freddy could skate slowly by himself while Louis was still grasping Harry’s forearm like his life depended on it.

After skating Harry invited them to eat at the nearby restaurant, he said it was Louis’ birthday and he had to take them. And in there Louis tasted the best burger he could ever ask for. Harry was more than happy that he liked it. They even had their dessert after and the day couldn’t get any better.

Freddy is playing at the kids area while Harry and Louis is drinking their hot drinks

“it’s very cold” Louis says rubbing his hands together.
Harry smiles and looks at him “ drink your coffee then, it will make you warmer”

Louis takes a big sip of it and then he says “that was a good day Harry.. Thank you”

Harry shrugs “ I had fun too”

Louis looks at his son who is playing with few kids “he looks happy”

Harry nods his head then he says “ I was saving this for later… but I think you should know”

Louis’ face turns into huge frown “what is it? “

Harry sighs “ I am sorry.. I am giving you all the bad new eventually.. But I don’t think he is okay”

“what do you mean? “

Harry shrugs “ he told me it is fault that you are havi g the divorce”

“what?”

“obviously he heard you saying something about putting your wife in Jail.. And he was crying a lot recently. I tried to tell you but you weren’t home and I did called you but you didn’t answer”

 

Louis takes a deep breath “ it is not his fault “

“that what i told him I promise but he is… lost I guess”

“what should I do Harry? I talk to him”

“I think he needs to see someone”

Louis looks at him confused, Harry says with caution “professional I mean”

“you mean therapist? “

Harry nods “ it might help”

“my son is not crazy” he snaps

And Harry gasps “what? I didn’t mean… "

“then what did you mean Harry? A therapist? He is six years old.. His parents is having a divorce it’s not the end of the world”

Harry frowns but he says “ he is not okay, it’s all I say”

“ he is okay, he is just a little sad and confused but he will be okay. Did you go to therapy to when your parents divorced “

“doctor Tomlinson I am just saying.. I mean I… “ Harry is very hesitant and he doesn’t know what to say
“what? You what? Not cause you stay with him couple of hours means you know him Harry, you know nothing about him"

Harry looks at Louis with shock, he then looks down and doesn’t say a word

Louis sighs and looks at Harry, he rubs his face “I am sorry”

Harry nods hut does not talk, Louis “I am sorry Harry, but I am trying here I swear my mind is killing me”

Harry looks at him and nods again.

Freddy comes suddenly, he hugs Harry strongly and he says “thank you Harry so much “

Harry smiles barely and then he looks at Louis, Freddy says “ dad, can Harry come with us to eat the cake? “

Harry says before Louis “i can’t, I am sorry I have a lot of work back home.. I.. “

“for just an hour Harry please “ Louis says begging him
Harry really doesn’t want to go, he doesn’t understand Louis anymore, he doesn’t understand what he wants for his son, what he wants from him.

“I… “ but Louis interrupts him “please Harry, I will ride you back home”

“please, please, please “Freddy begs him, Harry finally smiles and goes with them.

 

******
It was so lovely celebration. Bebe was holding the cake while they all gathered around her. Barbra and Philip wished Louis happy year, Beth and Bebe cut the cake and Freddy was more than happy.

Louis is eating the cake and Harry is sitting beside him, again he doesn’t touch his food as usual. Louis notices but never talks.

Bebe walks and she gave Harry a cup of tea, he takes it and thanks her gratefully

“you don’t like the cake? “ Louis asks

Harry looks at him and shrugs “ I am not so fond of sugary food”

Louis nods “I’ve never seen you eating here Harry”

Harry nods his head, this is the second time he mentions this and Harry can’t run away again “ I am on diet, special diet”

“ummm.. Make sense, but why though? I mean you are not fat or anything.. “

“I am trying to stay fit “ here says ignoring looking at him in the eye

Louis sighs and asks “Harry, are you still mad at me? “

“no, no I am not. I mean you are his father and a doctor you know better, you are right”

Louis shakes his head “it’s not like that.. Listen can we talk in the office? “

Harry looks at him Louis says “ I need to explain something to you”

Harry nods, Louis “okay, go I will follow you”

Harry stands up and walks there. He entered the office and he closes the door behind him but he doesn’t expect to find Eleanor at the office searching between Louis’ papers.

She looks at him with wide big eyes “ what are you doing here? “

Harry is shocked, he asks the same “what are you doing here? “

She looks back between Louis’ files “ not your business “

Then she walks to him watching him upside down “ he likes you does not he? That’s why he keeps you”

Harry frowns and steps back, she smiles “ I know he does. Of course I mean look at you”

Then she stops right in front of him “ so tell me. Have you slept together or not yet”

And there Harry freezes, he looks at her with big eyes and his heart accelerated, she laughs “ what, don’t panic… he will soon”

Then she puts her hand on his hair and she moves her fingers between his curls

“what the hell is going on? “ Louis yells from behind
Harry finches and looks at him, Louis’ eyes are on fire and he yells again “ what are you doing here? How did you get inside”

She huffs coldly “ relax, it’s my home remember “

“not anymore, I will send you back to this rotten flat you used to live in”

She looks at him and then says “ why are you acting as if this is my fault? “

Louis groans “ don’t funking start Eleanor “

“why? “ then she looks at Harry and back at him “ you want to be doctor right all the time. You want to make me the devil here. Fine. I can take it but at least be honest with yourself “

He says again “ what are you doing here? “

She doesn’t answer so he yells loud “what are you doing here? “

It scares Harry, he looks at him he wants to remind him about Freddy, he is really afraid that the kid might listen to anything

“Louis… “

It’s all he says, then Louis looks at him “ and you? Are you two together? Is that what it is? “

“what? “ Harry asks with panic in his eyes

“I should have known. She hired you, of course you are one of her sick bastard friends, of course she implanted you here so she can know what is going on. What did you tell her Harry? "

“what are you talking about? “

Louis yells again “stop it, stop pretending my God I was so stupid”

Harry looks at Eleanor, she shrugs coldly and then looks at Louis “he is… “

“shut up” he looks at her, then at Harry “ get out”

“Louis.. Listen… “

“get out, you are fired you will never get back here now get the fuck out of here”

Harry doesn’t move, he is shocked, he can’t believe what is happening here. Why Louis is always like that? He looks at Louis again but the later says again “ out Harry now”

Harry walks out of the office. He is very angry and still shocked. He doesn’t want to see anyone so he avoids them all. He knows his jacket and his whole bag is inside but he just wants to leave. So he does.

He walks out of the mansion but Philip sees him, he calls his name but Harry runs. He runs till he is out of the mansion, and he runs without any direction he just runs away. He hates when people treats him this way, like he is nothing, like he means nothing. And that exactly what Louis just did. He treated him like he is a rubbish.

 

Harry runs and suddenly he feels a huge pain twisted his chest, he stops running, he freezes and then collapses on the floor. Then everything turns black.

Chapter Text

Louis is in his office. He didn’t leave it since he fired Harry and almost attacked Eleanor. He is sitting on his desk unable to move a muscle. He knows there is something wrong, he knows deep down that Harry has nothing to do with Eleanor, he knows Harry cares for Freddy and maybe for him, well that of course was before what he did, now Harry will not ever want to see his face again.

It is 1 after midnight, he has to sleep as he has a very busy schedule next morning. He is on his way to his bed room when he hears

“he left, I promise I don’t know where he is” it’s Bebe talking.

“how come? He asks me to get him. When did this happen? “ that is a man’s voice

“ three hours ago. Did you called him? “ Barbra says
Then Louis enters the kitchen where all these voices are coming from

“what is happening here? “

They all look at him and then he sees Zayn between Barbra and Bebe. When Zayn notices him he says “I am sorry Doc Tomlinson but Harry asked me to get him, and I have been calling him for two hours but I can’t reach him, we were supposed to meet at the park beside your house and I can’t find him”

Louis is listening but he can’t answer, he can’t talk

“did something happened? Before he left I mean? “

Louis again doesn’t answer, Barbra says “Zayn maybe he is with a friend or something “

Zayn shakes his head looking at his phone again and maybe trying to call Harry

He then looks at Louis “ I am so sorry sir for showing up this way, I am just worried about him”

Louis wants to ask why? Why he always worried about him? Why Harry looks heartbroken and hiding a big secret but he doesn’t. Instead he says

“give me your number Zayn. To check on him tomorrow “ then he gives Zayn his phone. With shaky hands Zayn takes the phone and types the number. Louis is watching him, watching his eyes that are filled with tears now, watching his fingers that he can barely control them.

Then Zayn gives him back the phone “ did anyone saw him before leaving? “ he asks all of them “I mean he looked okay right? “

Barbra sighs and rubs Zayn’s back “ I didn’t, but I am sure he is okay. Don’t worry please “

Zayn takes a long deep breath, then he looks again at Louis “sorry again. So sorry. It won’t happen again sir”

Louis nods his head “ no, it is okay. Just tell me”

Zayn looks down and he again tries calling Harry and he leaves the whole place.

Bebe also left but Barbra doesn’t move, she looks at him and asks once Bebe is far

“ something happened? “

He looks at her “ you know what happened “

“I don’t mean with Eleanor, I mean with Harry. He left without being seen. So did something happened between you two? “

Louis huffs and said sternly “ what could happen between us Barbra, he is working for me, I am his boss nothing more”

Then he storms outside the kitchen. He hates how he is thinking about Harry differently, he hates that he started to get attached to him, to wait for him daily to see him, wait for him to talk and to hear him laughing. He knows he started to fall for him and he just can’t, he can’t.

He enters his room and he searches for his sleeping pills, that’s all what he wants, he wants to sleep. So he takes two pills and he lies on his bed. He closes his eyes and prays for the sleep to come.

*******

Louis didn’t have his breakfast next morning, he couldn’t his stomach hurt so as his head, that always happens when he takes his sleeping pills, he is sitting on his desk revising the files in front of him, he is having a very busy schedule today and he wants all his mind with him.

The door is knocked and Barbra enters, she is holding a cup of coffee and she puts it in front of him. He looks at her and he frowns, she looks so sad and like she was crying

“are you okay? “ he asks worriedly

She looks at him and she nods her head, she is leaving when he leaves his desk and takes her hand “what is it? You are crying? “

She sniffles and then she sighs “ I am okay Louis. Don’t worry”

He bits his lip and says “is Philip okay? “

She finally sighs “ he is fine. It is not Philip”

Louis “and? “

She looks ah him “ Philip told me he saw Harry running crying last night”

Louis huffs “ Harry again”

He returns to his office, she says “ did you fight?”

“I fired him”

She looks at him with big eyes “but why? “

He snaps “ he is with Eleanor, I saw them together they were… I don’t know but they seemed close”

“Harry and Eleanor? Are you sure”

He looks at her “I saw them together “

She shrugs “that doesn’t mean they are together, they are not. He only saw her twice.. That doesn’t mean there is something.. I am sure there is nothing “

“I don’t care I don’t want him at the house again, I don’t want him near Freddy again”

“are you serious? “ she asks above the vocal level

“excuse me? “

“you excuse me. He is the only one who your son is talking too. You can’t take this too from him”

He jumps on his feet “ too? Are you blaming me? “

“I am not blaming you. Not me but your son does”

“my son? “

“of course, he believes you are the reason his mother is not here with him. He heard you Louis the other night saying you will send her to jail. And now you fired Harry.. You are scaring him”

Louis looks down, he has nothing to say
“ what should I do? “

Barbra sighs and walks closer “ he is innocent, he has nothing to do with Eleanor. Actually he is a very good boy with big heart he is taking care of your son and spending all his time with him ignoring his studies and his whole life”

Louis doesn’t talk, Barbra sighs and “ he doesn’t deserve that”

And she walks away but Louis calls her, he then walks to her and he hugs her and cries on her shoulder “I don’t know what to do”

She hugs him as she always did when he was a kid, she rubs his back “ everything will be okay Louis you know it”

He looks at her “ my son is not okay”

She nods too “I know.. He needs help”

He cries again “ what if? What if he becomes like me? “

She smiles sadly “ so what? You overcame all your demons didn’t you? You will help your son to be better Louis”

He sniffles “I know harry is innocent. But he told me that Fred needs to see a therapist and I don’t think his words find it’s right place in me. I guess I freaked out and when I saw him with Eleanor I found it was the right time to pay back”

“pay back? “

He shrugs “ he sees my son better than me”

She rubs his cheek “ you love your son Louis. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise”

He nods and wipes his cheeks, she looks at him and then says “ he is in hospital “

Louis snaps his head up to her, she nods trying to hold her tears “his friend Zayn called me this morning, he told me his is n the hospital. He collapsed in the street and some strangers call the ambulance “ her voice cracked

“is he okay now? “ he finally finds his voice

She wipes her tears “ Zayn says he is okay, I don’t know what happened to him. I am going to see him, will you come with me? “

No, he can’t, he is the reason Harry is sick, he is the reason Harry is in the hospital. He can’t see him this way, he can’t forget himself

“no, I am.. I am very busy now. I am… I might see him later”

She nods her head and leaves the office.

Louis stays at his place unable to move, unable to breathe. Okay now he knows harry is in hospital and alos he knows he can’t see him. Not again.
*****
Louis has to see Harry. He can’t think, he can’t focus. So after his first surgery ends, he runs to the hospital Harry is in. But once he enters one of his colleagues recognizes him, he asks him what he is doing and Louis tells him the reason. The doctor tells him Harry just left and Louis runs outside.

He looks at the street in front of him and he sees them, Harry, Zayn, Barbra and Philip. Zayn and Barbra are supporting Harry to the car where Philip opens the door for him. Then Barbra hugs him tightly and helps him inside. Then she kisses his forehead just the same way she does with him. And his heart aches. Are they that close. Does she consider him as a son too? Why she is crying? Is it serious?

He sees the car goes away and he sees Barbra crying on Philip shoulder. Then he hides himself before they can see him. He doesn’t know why he does that, he was supposed to see Harry and apologies but what he saw scares him. Okay they love him, his own family love him and they are picking his side, even if no one says a word he knows they pick his side.

******
At the end of the night Louis returns home. Very exhausted and he wants his sleep. He enters the kitchen and he sees Barbra is sitting there alone, she isn’t crying but she looks sad. She sees him and she tries to smile “welcome back”

He nods his head and walks to sit
“I will make you your dinner”

But he catches her hand and stops her, she is trying to avoid him but he isn’t letting her, he is her son, if she feels sorry then it should be for him not for Harry
“can we talk? “

She looks at him and sits back at her seat beside him, she looks at him with concern “ something else happened? “

He looks at her eyes and he sees the same worries he always finds “ I am okay”

She nods, and she rubs his hand softly “ then tell me”

He sighs “ I went to see him”

And what? That’s not what he wants to tell her, what is he doing

She nods “ when? “.

“too late, I saw you put him in the car”

She sighs and the tears fall down again, he sees the tears but doesn’t comment

“tell me what to do? “ he asks her

She bits her lower lip and controls her cries, then she says “ what does he mean to you? “

He frowns but she says “ I know you consider him more than a tutor for your son. I mean he celebrated your birthday with us. You never celebrate your birthday Louis”

“I did it for Fred” he says, then he looks down “ that what I thought at the start, but then I like him here, I like him watching over my son and taking care of him”

She nods her head “ he is a good man”

He looks at her again “ he hates me, doesn’t he? “

She smiles sadly “ I don’t think he can ever hate. He is angry yes but he doesn’t hate you”

Louis sighs and rubs his face
She asks “ why did you do that Louis “

He looks at her and says “ because I didn’t want to hurt him”

“what? “

He covers his eyes “ I am scared Barbara what if it happened to me again? What if I lost it again and hurt someone, I almost did“

She frowns and says “ you will never lose it again”

“but I almost did, twice and in the two times he was here and I could hurt him”

Shared takes his hand and squeeze it “you will be okay, I am here and I won’t let it happen to you again”

He looks at her with tears in his eyes “ I don’t want to be that man again Barbra”

“I know sweat heart and you won’t. You are just so stressed out and nervous. I mean with Eleanor and the divorce you got all the right be angry, you can’t not be angry Louis this will hurt you more”

She then hugs him and she kissed his hair “ you will be okay my sweat boy”

He giggles on her shoulder “ I am not a boy anymore I am thirty two”

“you will always be my boy “

She cups his face by her hands “ I love you Louis. You are loved don’t you ever forget that”

He bods his head but she knows he doesn’t believe her.
******
Next morning Louis knocks on Harry’s door holding two cups of Coffee and the éclair again. He waits for him to open, he knows no one else is there since he waited for Zayn to leave so he can have his privacy with Harry. He hears Harry’s voice

“Zayn.. What did you forget? “

Then he opens the door and he freezes
Louis smiles “good morning “

Harry then frowns “ morning doctor”

Louis winces at he formality again, “ can I come in? “

Harry stands still for few seconds then he steps back letting Louis to enter. Louis enters and he puts what he is holding in the table “I brought breakfast”.

But Harry does not move. Louis looks at him then he sighs “ I am sorry”

Harry does not talk

Louis walks closer “ I am so sorry. I lost it.. Again and I am sorry”

Harry slowly nods his head, but Louis frowns at how he looks, he looks scared?

“I know you were on the hospital. I came to see you but I was late I guess”

Harry again nods but does not talk

“Harry I am sorry”

Harry shakes his head “no, no. Don’t. I mean I understand. You don’t know me I don’t know you. You can’t trust someone you don’t know right? You are having a bad time and I can understand why “

Louis is watching him, he can see sadness and hurt in his eyes, he can also see exhaustion and weakness
“please don’t say this” he finds himself whispering and Harry freezes and looks at him

Louis clears his voice “ I didn’t mean to hurt you”

“I know” then he sits on the chair obviously unable to stand up any longer

“ I didn’t mean to fire you”

And here harry looks back at him and then he sighs “I can’t “

“Harry…”

“it’s not that I promise. But I am.. Not okay like not hundred percent okay and the doctors recommend me not exhaust myself.. And with my classes and my paintings.. I can’t find time for work”

Louis looks down, he knows Harry is running away because of him, he also knows that Freddy will be too sad

“I am so sorry doctor Tomlinson, I know it will be a little hard for Freddy and it’s very hard for me but.. I need to watch over myself “

Louis looks at him again “I am sorry Harry”

“please just stop apologizing don’t make it harder”

Louis nods his head, he didn’t expect this when he comes this morning, but again he is used to lose. He loses everything he loves and everything he cares about, it is his curse.

Louis stands up and he sighs “ I hope you get better soon Harry”

Harry stands up too and he nods his head and wipes his tears, then Louis leaves the place with pain in his heart and sadness in his eyes.
******
Two days later, Louis is in his office reading. It was after midnight when he hears screams and cries coming from upstairs. He jumps on his feet and he runs outside his office. The screams are coming from his son bedroom and his heart sinks.

When he enters the room he sees Freddy screaming and trying to escape Barbara’s hug
“what is happening? “

But Freddy looks at him with tears covering his face “ you did it, didn’t you… you promised daddy you promised you won’t push him away” he is screaming and his crying his heart out

Louis walks closer and sits on the bed beside Barbra “ what are you talking about? “

“Harry, you fired him” Freddy accuses crying, Louis looks at him then at Barbra, she says “ he heard Bebe and Beth talking “

He sighs and says to his son “ I said sorry.. But he can’t “

Freddy cries and buries his face at Barbra’s lap, he cries violently that all his body shakes “he is my friend. And you take him away like you did with mom”

Louis closes his eyes to control his pain and his anger, he expected something like that

“I want my friend daddy bring him back”

“ I tried”

Then Freddy looks at him angry “ he is angry at you… I am angry at you, I hate you”

Barbra gasps and says “ take this back Mr Freddy, right now”

He looks at her begging “ I want my friend “

“take it back”

Louis is looking down, he heard his so right and he feels pain in the heart too, then he feels small hands on his face, Freddy cups his father face and looks at him “ I am so sorry daddy, but I want my friend back. I want to talk to him, let me talk to him”

Louis hugs him “ he can’t come back, he is sick and his doctors recommend him some rest”

Freddy looks at him frowning “he is sick again? “

But Louis doesn’t understand, Freddy says “ then I should visit him “

Louis sighs “ Fred, he can’t come back.. “

“okay, I just want to see him. Please “

Louis finally nods, Freddy “now”

“we can’t now. He is sleeping, what about having breakfast with him tomorrow? “

Freddy jumps from excitement and then hugs his father “I love you daddy”

Louis hugs him back, “and I am sorry, I didn’t mean what I said I love you, you are the best father ever”

 

Louis smiles but deep inside he knows that his heart still aches, he knows his son loves him only because he is taking him to Harry but nothing more. Deep inside he knows no one loves him. No one.

Chapter Text

Freddy is hugging Harry so tightly and he is crying on his shoulder, they are at Harry’s flat and Harry is on his knees so he can hug Fred properly.

Louis is looking at the tow of them, he also can see tears in Harry’s eyes and at this moment he knows how connected they are.

“he insists to come Harry, I didn’t want to bother you”

Harry finally opens his eyes and looks at him “ no, it’s okay. I was coming to see him anyway”

Freddy looks at him surprisingly “you were? “

Harry smiles and looks at him “ we are friends aren’t we? Of course I was coming”

Then he stands up, Freddy is smiling deep when he heard they are friends “I brought you breakfast “

Louis chuckles “he made it himself, I told him we can pass by and bring anything but he said you were sick and you need healthy food”

The little boy gives harry a plastic packet, Harry opens it and it is filled with sandwiches and cutting fruits.

Harry smiles that his dimples come alive, and Louis is astonished, he has never seen those dimples before and damn that man looks so handsome.

“Thank you Freddy, you are my best friend ever”

Freddy giggles “no, Zayn is”

Harry laughed “no Zayn left me without breakfast, you are definitely my best friend “

Then he walks to the kitchen “ and I have a surprise for you”

The boy says excitedly “ is it my favourite cookies? “

Harry opens a big jar filled with cookies “it is”

“but Harry, you are sick you shouldn’t “

Harry looks at Louis for a second then at the boy “ Zayn and Perrie helped”

Then he poured some milk and then he put the cookies on a plate and put the sandwiches and the fruit on the table, then he looks at Louis “ what can I get you doctor? Some coffee maybe? “

Again he calls him doctor, again returning to the formality

“I thought you are a tea person? “ Louis tries to joke
Harry smiles “I am, but Zayn is not, he is a coffee addict so we have a lot here”

Louis smiles “okay coffee then”

And then Harry walks again inside the kitchen and brought the coffee and some éclair

Louis looks at the éclair suspiciously “are those mine? “
Harry looks at the plate confused and then he laughed “ oh no, but Zayn and Perrie loved them and they brought some last night”

“ and you? Did you like them? “

Harry nods his head “yeah.. Sure”

Okay he lies.

Then Louis looks at his son, and to his surprise the boy is eating, he whispers to Harry “ he hasn’t been eating for the last two days.. I am surprised Harry” he isn’t angry he is happy but also confused

But when he looks at Harry he finds a hugs frown on his face.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to push you I am sorry, I was just telling “

Freddy suddenly says “ Harry, what did the doctor say this time? “

And Louis looks at his son surprised, he didn’t ask Harry that kind of question, he didn’t are to know what was the wrong with him he just came to ask him to come back to his work and he didn’t ask about his health

Harry smiles and says “ they told me I need some rest”

The boy mods his head “ okay, you can have your rest but you will come back right? “

Louis sees Harry becomes hesitant so he says “ Fred, let’s not push him okay. He needs his rest then we can talk about it “

Freddy nods his head but he says to Harry “please, I need you”

“I never said I am not coming back, I just really need few days, this is a promise “

Then he looks at Louis for confirmation, Louis slightly nods his head and Fred smiles

“now, finish your plate”

The rest of the morning goes okay, and right before Louis and Freddy leave, Harry asks if his job was still available and Louis assures him that they are waiting for h whenever he is ready, he apologies again and Harry again promises him it is okay.

******
Three days exactly after the visit, Louis is in his office after a long day at work. He is expecting Niall to come with the new interior designer for the new department in the hospital. He is drinking his coffee when the door is opened and he is face to face with Harry.

Louis jumps from his seat “you came”

Harry is smiling too “I did, this morning. Just come to say goodnight”

“you are leaving? “

Harry nods, Louis then remembers “how are you? How do you feel now? “

Harry walks closer “much better, thanks for asking”

Louis sighs and sits back “ I am sure Freddy is more than happy right now”

Harry giggles “he is a good boy”

Louis kids his head, then he says “ his mom raised the case”

Harry frowns “oh.. “

“yeah. My lawyer assures me that I can win this case. I mean all the people around us know how careless she is always was with him. But I guess they are gonna need to hear your says”

“my says? “ he asks shocked

Louis is watching his face “ I am sorry Harry to put you through this. But I need your help. We both know here is much better for Fred”

“yeah, yeah I understand.. I am just.. I mean I don’t know what exactly to say, I haven’t seen her much. Only three times and the last one you were there”

Louis frowns remembering what happened. Then he looks at Harry “ that’s all you need to say. You never met her.. You know nothing about, she wasn’t always around”

Harry looks down nodding his head, Louis leaves his seat and he was and sits in front of Harry

“if you can’t do this, I can understand I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or anything “

Harry shakes his head “no, no anything for Fred really”

Louis says “ thanks… for coming back”

Harry looks at him “ I found out I can’t live without him too”

Louis smiles the he looks at him “how can you do this? You are too nice with kids”

Harry shrugs shyly “ I don’t know. It happens naturally, I love them I mean I can be myself with them, they don’t judge, they just live you purely not waiting for anything in the exchange “

Louis looks at Harry, he admires how simple he is, how honest and easy going, he loves his life perspective and he loves how he deals with life and he wishes he can know him better

“I am waiting for my friends, Niall you have seen him.. You can stay and maybe have a drink or something “

Harry looks back at him and nods “yeah.. I can do this. But I need to use the loo First” he stands up smiling
Louis smiles back “ help yourself”

Harry walks outside the office with a different feeling, he likes staying here, he likes talking to Louis. He didn’t want to leaves unless he sees his face first, he knows this feeling and he hadn’t experienced it three years ago.

He is in his way from the bathroom when he sees Barbra, she is waiting for him with a big smile on her face “ you didn’t leave? “

He walks to her shaking his head “ I guess I am staying with Louis.. He is having some friends and wants me to meet them”

She nods her head “ are you okay with this? “

He nods shyly “ I think "

She smiles too “ okay, what do you want to drink? “

“my tea please “

Then he walks back to the office, he hears voices and laughter coming from inside, so the friends are here. The door is slightly opens and he can hear Niall’s loud laughter, then something causes the blood freezes in his veins. What he hears that voice, he knows that voice very much. His legs get glue to the floor and he can’t breath. What is he doing here? Why is he here?
“ why don’t you get in? “

Louis’ muffled voice comes from far away, although he is standing right in front of Harry with concerned loom “are you okay? “

Harry swallows thickly and he says “I… I have to go”

“ go? Why? “

“I have to go” a harry repeats himself and Louis figures there is something wrong

Harry finally can control his limbs, he moves back steps and he tries to control his tears. He hears the voice again and he winces

“Harry… “ Louis says trying to touch him but Harry doesn’t let him, he looks at Louis with panic in his eyes “ I have to go, I am so sorry Louis but I have to go”

“Tommo where are you? “ Niall says from the office, Louis looks at the office to tell Niall to wait a second, it was just a second and when he looks back at Harry he is gone, he can see a glimpse of him running outside and he seriously lost his mind. He doesn’t understand what exactly happened and what caused Harry to escape panicked this way.

******
Harry opens his flat’s door and he storms inside shutting the door behind him. He leans on the door and takes deep breath

“what happened? “ Zayn says narrowing his brows with an apple in his hand

Harry sighs and walks to his room “ nothing “

“liar”

Harry sits on his bed and he takes off his shoes “ I saw Nick today”

Zayn frowns “you did? where? “

Harry shakes his head still refuses to believe “ at Doctor Tomlinsons house”

“really? What was he doing there? “

Harry shrugs “ I guess they are friends or something “

Zayn leans on the wall and take a a big bite from the apple “shit.. “

“yeah” Harry lies on his bed

“what did he say? “

Harry looks at him “ he didn’t, he didn’t see me.. I kind of run away once I saw his face”

Zayn nods his head “that’s better”

But it isn’t better, he wants to be able to stay at the same place with Nick without being overwhelmed, without feeling what he feels.

His phone receives a text, and it is from Louis
“are you okay? Did you get to your home safe? “

Harry smiled and he answers right away “ I am fine thanks, I am actually trying to sleep now”

Few seconds and he receives” good, get your sleep, we will talk tomorrow “

******
Harry just finished his class when his phone goes off, he answers immediately, it’s Louis

“morning Doctor “ he says

“morning Harry” but his voice is very off, Harry frowns immediately “are you okay? “

“I am fine. I am calling yo check on you, are you okay? “
Harry is still frowning “I am okay”

“can we meet then? “ Louis asks

Harry looks at his watch, he still has class in an hour but he can meet him “sure, where? “

“there is a coffee shop beside my hospital, do you know where is it? “

And of course harry knows, he was once a patient there wasn’t he?

“yeah, sure meet you there in twenty minutes? “

“okay, I am waiting “

It took Harry thirty minutes to reach Louis. He enters the coffee shop panting and looking everywhere, then he sees Louis waving at him, he rushes to him “ I am sorry. But the traffic is awful”

Louis smiles at him but it was a sad smile, Harry sits in front of him “ are you okay? “

Louis nods his head but trying to avoid looking at Harry, he busies himself with his tea “ what do you want to drink”

“you don’t look okay, did something happened? Is Freddy okay? “

Louis finally looks at him, he shakes his head and sighs “ God I feel stupid “ Harry is looking at him confused, Louis says “ Freddy is fine. It’s not him..”

Harry nods “ something happened with you? “

Louis nods his head “ there is that patient who is with me over three years now” then he wipes his eyes “he died this morning “

“oh my god” Harry says and he takes Louis’ hand and squeezes softly “I am so sorry Doctor “

Louis is looking at his hands between Harry’s and he feels warm, he feels a good feeling like all the pain subsided

“ how did this happen? “ Harry asks with caring, hike he really wants to know

Louis shakes his head and then he takes his hands away leaving Harry a little disappointed

“I told you it’s stupid. I don’t know why I did this, I don’t know why I called you”

Harry smiles softly “ maybe because you want to talk”

Again Louis looks at his eyes and gets lost

“were you close? “ Harry asks again about that patient
Louis sighs “yeah.. I think.. I mean. I am seeing.. Was seeing him weakly. So our relationship grows deeper with time”

“I am sorry. Was he like too sick? “

Louis nods again “ he was, he wasn’t getting better.. He stopped responding to drugs and he was old for any surgeries, his heart wouldn’t take it”

Harry nods his head looking down. Louis then sighs “ but he lived.. That what he always told me. He is a grandfather of four sweat children”

Harry smiles and looks at him again “ he is lucky then.. I am so sorry doctor for your loss”

Louis shakes his head again “ no I am the one who is sorry. I shouldn’t bother you with my stuff. That was stupid. I mean… “

“hay stop it, I like to think we are friends and we tell each other things”
Louis smiles and looks at him “you do? “

“of course “

Louis smiles “I consider you as a friend… you are my son best friend, when he thought you aren’t coming back he begged me crying over you to for hours to take you to him”
Harry smiles “ we are so close”

“yeah and I am jealous “

Harry smiles and says hastily “he loves you more”

Louis’ smile died and he just nods his head
"if we are friends you need to stop call me doctor, I call you Harry.. Not talented artist Harry"
"Harry giggles" I am okay.. And fine I will call you Louis"

Louis smiles " thank you"

Harry says “ how is the case going? “

Louis shrugs “ good I guess. My lawyer hasn’t told me anything yet. I will inform you if you are needed don’t worry”

Harry nods his head

“so tell me what happened last night? How do you know Nick? “

And Harry’s face turns pale “did he saw me? “

Louis shakes his head “ n he didn’t, but you have met Niall before and you were okay so it has to be Nick”

Harry looked at the table “ are you friends? “

“no, but we have work. He is the talented interior designer and I am opening a new department at my hospital. Niall recommended him and we contacted and we had the deal. Last night we were supposed to discuss the plan.. He had his drawings and things.. “

Harry nods but keeps silent, Louis “ it just work Harry, I think you heard of him and his talent”

Harry chuckles and shrugs “ I did”

“so what is wrong? “ Louis asks

“I know him before he was the most talented designer. Long time ago”

Louis nods waiting, Harry looks at him “he is my ex”

Louis frowns with confusion “your ex what? “

Harry smiles “ ex boyfriend, you know I am gay right? “

Louis opens his eyes big and then he tries to hide his surprise “no I mean no one told me… it’s okay.. I… shit”
Harry is watching Louis who takes a deep breath and rubs his face “no one told me”

Harry’s face is off “ it is okay. But is it a problem with you?”

Because that will sound awful. He still remembers what Cheryl told him about Louis being with a guy on one bed

Louis shakes his head “no, not a problem.. Why would it be problem?”

Harry shrugs but he wants Louis to say it, to tell him he is gay too, or even tell him he likes men too but still not sure. Anything like this. Tell him he is bi.. He just wants to know if there is any chance for him.

“so.. He broke up with you then? “

Harry closes his eyes, Louis still doesn’t trust him or Cheryl is lying

“he did”

“why? “

Harry looks at him, Louis “I am sorry, but I found it too hard for me to think someone could break up with you”
“what does it mean? “

Louis giggles “ you know what I mean. You are too good"

Harry shrugs “ not all the time. I did something and he broke up”

“did you cheat? “

“noooo. I would never do that. Actually I think he did, that’s why it was easy for him to just leave”

“just leave? “

Harry takes deep breath “ yeah.. He just left. One day he left and he never called or showed up again for three years, but recently I keep seeing him like everywhere and I don’t know why”

“I am so sorry Harry I am really am. I won’t work with him”

Harry frowns “what? Why? He is talented “

“but he hurt you”

“so what? “

Louis explains like it makes sense “we are friends I can’t betray you this way”

Harry giggles “ yeah, but we are adults too. Don’t mic things up specially for me. I mean I should overcome me feelings it happened three years ago and I thought I was finally fine. But when I met him Again all my pains show up and I feel like bleeding again”

Louis just wants to hug him right now

“don’t stop what you are doing because of me”

Louis only nods his head, but he has already made up his mind, he can’t work with someone who could hurt Harry, even if the are not that close but he already knows he can’t forgive Nick.

Harry looks at his watch, Louis asks “do you have something now? “

Harry looks at him and smiles “ I should. But I am late anyway “

“oh”

“no, don’t.. It is okay. I wanted to talk to you”

 

Louis pager goes off, and Harry giggles “I guess it’s you who should go”

Louis looks at the pager then at Harry “you know what..you can come with me”

“where? “

“to the hospital. We can talk as long as we can there. I just need to see some patients first and then I will be yours”

He didn’t mean it this way BUT harry smiles shyly anyway,

“okay”

Louis stands up and together they left to the hospital. The hospital that Harry was once treated in it. Treated by the one and only Louis Tomlinson.

Chapter Text

Harry is in the ambulance, he can’t stop himself from crying, he is crying and holding Freddy’s hand who is lying on the stretcher and trying to stay alive.

It all happened very fast. Harry arrived in the morning but Beth told him Freddy was still sleeping. He tried to wake him up but the kid just didn’t. He tried and then he checked his pulse and it was too weak. Harry freaked out and called the ambulance right away, then he called Louis who told him to come to his hospital.

The car stopped and the door is opened. First thing Harry sees is Louis who is running towards them. He is looking at his son limb body and his eyes are full of panic. Harry follows all of them inside just looking at Freddy and praying that the kid is okay.

He has been taken to an ER, they Check his blood pressure, and his heart and brain activity, they are taking his blood for some blood test but no one knows what is the wrong with him.

Harry looks at Louis who is just staring at his son speechless. Just staring while the other doctors are trying to save the boys life. Harry can’t hear what they are saying, he was looking through the glass door what is happening inside but all the panicked eyes give him bad ideas and bad feelings.

Suddenly some doctor rushs inside the room holding some papers, he is talking and then the look on Louis’ face and other doctor was unreadable. But they suddenly move pushing Freddy on his bed outside the room and Harry hear them saying they must do him a surgery and Harry's heart sinks.

Harry follows them but they don’t let him inside the OR, Harry is watching the door being closed on him and then he sees Louis also being pushed outside the room but he is screaming and yelling fighting other doctors to get inside.

Then one of the nurses who is pushing Louis and keeping him outside the operation room looks at Harry

“ can you please calm him down? “

Harry nods his head and he grasped Louis’ arm who is looking at the room with big eyes and tears.

The nurse returns inside again and Louis tries again to free himself but Harry doesn’t let him.

“Louis calm down”

Louis struggles and then he pushes Harry strongly that he almost trip but again Harry grasped his hands and stops him “ Louis.. Please calm down”

“that’s my son” Louis yells crying

“I know.. He will be okay, please don’t lose it now” Harry says crying too.

Louis looks at Harry then he snatches his hand away , then he leans on the wall and slids down, he hugs his knees and he cries.

Harry sits beside him on the floor “ he will be okay” he whispers

Louis looks at Harry “ what happened? “

Harry just shrugs “I don’t know… I tried to wake him up… he didn’t respond. I checked his pulse and it was too weak… and you know the rest”

Louis wipes his tears “ I feel like I am Dreaming.. Tell me it is not true please “

Harry sniffles “ I am so sorry..i don’t know what happened “

“he tried to kill himself Harry”

Harry opens his mouth to talk but no words formed in his mind. How? He is a kid, and why?

then Louis suddenly jumps on his feet and he runs, Harry follows him without hesitation then Louis enters the bathroom he rushes to a stall and he collapses on his knees and retched strongly.

Harry rubs his back and Louis feels weird, he is panicking and he can’t believe what he heard in the emergency room. When the blood test results showed up it shows that his blood is saturated with high amount of sedatives and hypnotics. He knows his son understand how dangerous these things are. He also knows where did his son got those drugs from. They were his. He keeps them in his nightstand drawer.

“it’s okay” Louis hears Harry says.

He then leans on the wall beside the toilet seat, Harry is patting his thighs, he doesn't talk but he also does not leave and Louis needs him to stay. When Louis feels his legs and his body stops shaking he wipes his face and He then stands up and heads to the sink to wash his mouth and his face. He looks through the mirror and he sees how nervous and pale Harry looks.

Louis then tries to pull it together, his son s in good hands, those who are helping his son Louis trust with his own life so he knows his son will be okay.

He looks at Harry and he says “ he will be fine”

Harry nods his head but unable to talk.
*****

Few hours later, Louis is sitting in the room where his son is sleeping. He left OR three hours ago and ever since Louis is sitting by his side waiting for him to wake up. Luckily Harry found him in good time, no permanent damage happened, he will be okay within days. Physically okay but mentally Louis doesn’t know.
He wants to know why his son did it, why his son took those pills and what was in his kind, and how come no one saw him? All these questions only Freddy will be able to answer

Louis feels tired and exhausted, so he stands up, kisses his son on his forehead then he leaves the room. And then he freezes because right in front of him sitting on the chair is Harry.

“Harry? “

Harry looks at louis jumps on his feet and he looks at him “ is he awake? “

“what are still doing here, I thought you left like hours ago” Louis asks

Harry shakes his ahead “I couldn’t . I need to know he is okay”

Louis sighs “you could just call me”

“no.. I can’t. I can’t control my worries… I kind of need to see him? If that okay with you I mean? “

Louis smiles “yeah..yeah. But he is still sleeping. I was going to drink some coffee. Would you share me? “

Harry nods his head “I just convinced Barbra to leave and Philip”

Louis sighs “ yeah, they have called me. I told them to come at night”

Harry is walking by Louis but his mind is somewhere else.

Louis can see how shaken up he is and he feels sorry for him. If he knows this is how he looks he would just talk yo him and reassure him.
******
They are sitting at the hospital café and Louis is explaining what happened to Freddy

“ but where does he got those pills from? “ Harry asks sadly

Louis looks down and says “ they are mine. I am using them from time to time. They are prescribed for me years ago”

“oh.. “

Louis rubs his face and tries not to cry again “ it’s my fault”

“no it is not” Louis snaps at him but Harry doesn’t matter, Louis says “ my son wanted to kill himself Harry, what could I possibly did wrong to lead him to this”

Harry says hastily “ of course not. Maybe he just wanted to get some sleep. Maybe there was something bothering him but he didn’t mean to this”

Louis takes a deep breath “ he knew what he was doing”

“that’s impossible “

Then Louis looks at Harry and says “ he knows”

But Harry stares at him without talking

“last year. His mom did this. She took my full bottle”

Harry still staring, he heard the story before
“ she did that in front of him. He was the one who called me and told me there was something wrong with his mother”

“oh God” Harry gasps

“although I know she was just making a scene. She did it in front of her son knowing he will call me. But that night was awful for him, I remember us and talking about how bad those drugs and he made me promise him not to take them unless I really need them”

Harry is unable to form a word, but Louis can see how uncomfortable and angry he looks

“I know I ruined my son Life Harry”

Harry shakes his head “ you didn’t, you are trying to protect him. I am sorry but his mother is a monster. How could she did this to him? How could she keep hurting him this way? “

Louis closes his eyes “ my fault too. I chose wrong”

“you didn’t know. You were in love and you never expected her to do this”

Louis let the tears fall freely and Harry, he doesn’t want to tell Harry that everything is his fault , Eleanor is his fault, his son suicide is also his fault, his son was suffering because of him and what scares Louis the most that his son maybe has a mental illness… like him.
******
Harry spent the whole day with Louis in the hospital. Barbra, Philip and Beth showed up. Louis refused to talk to anyone of them and they were scared to do so. But he let only Barbra to see Freddy and Harry.

It was the new years eve. The hospital was crowded and Louis asked Barbra and Philip to leave and come tomorrow, he promised Barbra he is following them on few hours.

He is walking to his sons room when he sees Harry on the phone sitting on front of the room. He sits beside him and he hears the call

“okay, mom please stop crying “

Louis frowns and looks at Harry, “I will he there, okay. I am coming. Love you too” then he sighs “ happy new year too mom”

He ends the call and he stays silent, “everything okay? “ louis asks

Harry shakes his head “ my step father is getting worse”

“I am sorry… I thought you left”

Harry looks at him “ I am leaving with you”

“no, you are leaving now. You need your rest okay. What will you do about your family? “

He shrugs “ I will wait till Freddy is okay”

Louis nods his head and looks down “ thank you Harry”

Harry looks at him and then he interlocks their hands together. Louis looks at their hands and then he smiles and looks at Harry.

They left at the middle of the night, Louis didn’t want to leave but Harry and the other doctor recommended him to leave.

Harry insisted to go with him and make sure he was okay. During the ride home while Harry was driving, Louis said he couldn’t control his nerves, Niall called Louis he wasn’t at London but he promised he would be there next morning.

When they enter the house it was too quiet. But Louis knows they all were in the kitchen, he is sure Barbra can’t sleep now.

“what about some hot drink before you go? “ Louis asks Harry and Harry nods his head

“okay, I will just change my clothes and take quick shower”

But before he leaves Harry catches his hand “ will you be okay? “

Louis smiles since first time in the morning “yes Harry, I think I will. Now go and make us something to drink”

then Louis leaves up stairs and Harry goes to the kitchen.

Once he enters he sees Barbra there sitting on the big table, “Barbra… you are still awake? “

She looks at him and she jumps on her feet “ how is he? Is he okay? Did he wake up? “.

Harry patted her shoulder “ he is fine I promise. He didn’t wake up but the doctors say he will be fine”

Then she cries, Harry hugs her “ hay, don’t cry, please”

Barbra sobs on his shoulder “ how could this happen Harry under our nose? He is just a kid”

Harry rubs her back “ I know Barbra I know”

Then he takes her hand and sits her on the table “how about some tea? “

She smiles and wipes her tears, and then she nods her head.harry walks and presses the kettle

“how is Louis? “

Harry looks at her “ he is.. Okay. He is strong”

She shakes her head “ he is not strong. He is scared to show what’s inside him”

Harry puts the cups in front and sits beside her “ scared?”

Shared nods her head “ he is angry”

“he has every right to be angry, and to be scared. His six years old son just tried to commit a suicide “

Again she shakes her head looking at the vapors coming from the hot cup “ not this kind of anger” then she looks at Harry “ I am expecting a big storm. A disaster Harry. I guess it’s you who keeps his sanity”

And Harry has no idea what she means

Then they heard screams coming from upstairs.
Harry and Barbra run to the screams and they are coming from up the stairs

“please, please doctor Tomlinson I am sorry”

She is Beth and she is crying and begging Louis. Louis is standing right in front her looking at her with blank face, Harry and Barbra walk closer and when Beth sees them she runs to Barbra crying “Barbra please, help me”

Barbra looks between Beth and Louis, then Louis says “ I said what I have. Now gather your stuff and leave the house”

Barbra gasps “ Louis. Don’t do this”

Louis looks at her and then says “ she is leaving… “

“Louis? “

He closes her eyes, obviously trying his best to control his anger, Harry sees how he curls hia fist “ she had only one job here, and she failed. She is leaving “

He is walking away when Beth cries and runs to him “ please doctor tomlinson, I have no place to go”

“not my problem.. “and he continues walking.

Barbra says “Beth.. Come here”

Beth walks to wards her and Barbra hugs her “ we will talk later about this. Now take some closes and Philip is driving you home”

“I have no home” she sobs, and Harry rubs her back still looking at where Louis is heading

“ my home is your home. Now go get ready” Barbra says and Beth walks down stairs.

Barbra looks at Harry and sighs. Harry also walks away but he heads to Louis’ office. Louis is going to sit when he sees Harry, he takes a deep breath and says

“if you are taking about Beth then save it, nothing will change my mind”

Harry is still at the door “then goodnight “

He is leaving when Louis calls him “ Harry wait… “

Harry looks at him and then he walks inside and closes the door behind him “ I am here to talk about Beth”

Louis sighs and sits on his chair “ Harry please “

“okay I know you are angry but-“

“angry? I am not angry I am fucking scared Harry.. My son was going to die do you understand?.. “

“I do”

“no you don’t” he snaps at Harry, Harry closes his mouth. Louis rubs his temples “ she should pay more attention Harry”? Harry doesn’t talk

“I know it’s not her fault but… it was her only job”

“i know” harry says “ but she loves him”

“I know… but right now I need my son to be okay”

Harry nods his head again “think about it at least. The girl has no place to go”

Louis closes his eyes “ Barbra isn’t leaving her”

Harry finally stands up “I have to go now.. It is very late”

Louis snaps his head up to him “ how are you leaving? And you haven’t eaten anything “

Harry smiles “ I ate a sandwich at the hospital. I will walk to the tube”

Louis shakes his head “ where is Zayn? I will give you the ride? ”

Harry smiles “no, you need to sleep so you can recharge you need your full power tomorrow “

“where is my son Louis? “ the door suddenly slams opened and Eleanor is standing there glaring at the two of them

Louis is in his feet “ what are you doing here? “

“my son is in the hospital “ she is screaming “is this how you will keep him safe? My son tried to kill himself Louis… he is only six years old.. What have you done? “

Louis was fuming “ me? He is copying you.. You did it before his eyes”

“it was your fault “

“how was it my fault.. “ he shouts back

“ you cheated on me with a man” she yells.

And that was it. Louis pushes her hard and she fells on the ground, he is going to attack again when Harry grasps his hand strongly and pulls him away from her, Louis is ready to attack again “ get out of here”

She smirks “ what? Are you scared that your secret has finally revealed? “ then she stands up and she is leaving “ stop pretending”

Then she stands at the middle of the house and she screams “ they need to know the truth.. Barbra. Philip come here I have something to tell you”

Louis tries to free himself but Harry is still grasping him. Barbra, Bebe, Beth and Philip all come out of the kitchen

“oh here you are” Eleanor says, the she looks at Louis “ you all are blaming me for this divorce, you are blaming me for ruining my sons life but have you ever wondered why I did this? “

“Eleanor. Stop” Harry says

“why? You take his side too? Not you too Harry you know better”

Then she looks at Louis “ I guess you are keeping him closer so you can take what you want”

Louis free himself and he runs to her, Harry runs after but Louis holds her hand “ I am gonna kill you Eleanor.. Hear my words”

She smirks again “ did you hear that? He threatened me”

Barbra walks closer “just leave Eleanor “

She put her hand on Louis, and Louis slowly let Eleanor go, she takes few steps away till she reaches the door “ I will make sure to have my son back. He doesn’t need to be with a phsico like you”

Louis follows her but Harry stays closer doesn’t trust him to attack again

“ and I will make sure you rotten in jail Eleanor “ he is screaming while she is laughing hysterically “good luck with that”

She jumps in her car and she leaves away.

 

Barbra says “let’s get inside” and she enters the mansion.

Louis stays at his place looking down. Harry walks closer “ Louis.. “ he is going to touch him but Louis hits his hand away “ don’t fucking touch me”

Harry frowns “ stop it”

Louis glares at him “ I am not that. I am not gay I am not like you”

Harry doesn’t talk, Louis continues “so keep your fucking hands away from me”

“why are you doing this? “ Harry whispers hurt

Louis takes deep breath “ leave Harry.. Just go”

But Harry walks closer “ I don’t care what you are Louis. I don’t care if you want to come out or not… no one should care”

But Harry snaps his head up and looks at him with fire in his eyes “ come out? Do you believe that bitch? I am not what she calls me”

“okay.. “ Harry nods but he doesn’t believe him

Louis laughs maniacally “oh my God… you believe her”
he is pacing “ I am not fucking gay” he screams loud and then he pushes Harry maybe too strong that Harry stumbles and falls from the four steps in front of the door..

 

Harry lies on his back still surprised. He doesn’t know what just happened. Did Louis really pushed him? The he hears the frond door slams shut

Slowly he sits on the ground and he find himself alone. The door is closed in front of him. He sighs and stand on his legs ignoring the pain in his body he walks towards the gates alone. Trying his beat not to think of what just happened. Trying to keep his mind busy with anything but Louis words.

He fishes his phone from his pants and he calls Zayn “Zayn.. “

“Harry? Are you okay? “

Harry takes a deep breath “ are you sleeping? “

“no.. I am in the street. Where are you? Aren’t you home? “

 

“no. Can you pick me? The usual? “

Zayn sighs “sure Hazza. I am on my way”

 

Harry leaves outside the big gate waving for the security who is half asleep. He walks but this time he isn't sure if he is coming back again or not.

Chapter Text

Harry is walking alone in the hospital corridors. He is looking around for any familiar face, he hasn’t been here long time ago and he can barely remember the way. He hates this hospital, it always bring awful memories to him, it always brings the pain and the long silent cries. He remembers the hard time his mom had to witness and now she is living it all again but with her husband

“Harry”

His mom calls him, he looks behind her and he sees her walking to him, he runs and he hugs her too tight, he misses his mom, he hasn’t seen her four months ago

“how are you baby? “

“I miss you mom”

Age smiles and looks at his face “ how are you feeling? Are you okay? How was the ride? “

He smiles and kisses her hand “I feel fine mom. How are you? “

She shrugs and shakes her head, he nods sadly “how is he? “

She walks with him and they heads to Robins room “ not okay, the doctors say he doesn’t respond to the medication. I don’t know Harry” then she cries and he hugs her again “ hay mom please stop crying. He will be okay”

Again she shakes her head “I am not sure about that”

Harry feels so sad, Robin wasn’t just a step dad, he was a father to him, he loves him so much and losing him will change Harry completely to someone else. Robin was the man who helped Harry through his nightmares, he helped him to overcome his fears. He restored faith again in his heart after his father. He was the one who taught Harry how to forgive and how to love.

“can I see him? “ Harry finally controls his voice and says

How mom nods her head “sure, he has been asking about you “

Then she stands up and he copies her, she walks to the room in front of them but before she opens the door she looks at him “ Gemma is in inside”

For a second he feels the air left the room, but he looks at his mom and tries to smile and act normal. She shrugs “ I am sorry”

And then she opens the door. She enters first and Harry follows. He wants to avoid meeting Gemma, he wants just to see Robin and then leave. But when he sees Robin he forgets all his plans. He looks different. He lost a loth of his weight, he looks too old now although it was only four months since last time he saw him. He is lying in his bed and Gemma is sitting by his side on the bed. Robin sees him and he smiles widely

“ Harry”

Anne says cheerfully “ look who is here? “

Harry rushes and he hugs Robin so tight and he can’t control himself, he cries. Robin pats his shoulder “hay, calm down you champ. Stop crying “

Harry hears the door slams shut but he can’t look, it takes him few seconds to calm down, he looks at Robin and he smiles

“I am sorry”

Robin is still smiling, Harry actually can’t remember when this man wasn’t smiling

“it’s okay. I miss you too”

Harry nods his head feeling the lump forms in his throat, he hold Robin’s hand and looks at it

“ I will be fine Harry” Harry looks at him with tears in his eyes, the man is still smiling “ I feel fine, I don’t know why these idiots are keeping me, I want to go home”

“you will be home soon” Anne says. Harry looks at the chair beside the bed and there is Anne sitting with tears in her eyes too.

Robin says “ how are you Harry? How life has been treating you? “

Harry smiles “ okay. It was nice with me”

Robin nods his head and rests it on the back pillow “ I am glad”

He closes his eyes and Harry looks at his mother panicking, she smiles and stands up “ I think we should leave Robin to get some sleep”

But Robin tightens his grip on Harry’s hand “stay”

Harry looks at their hands and he says “I am staying “

Robin smiles “ good. Talk to me. Tell me about your life”

Anne whispers “ do you need anything to drink? “

Harry looks at his mom “ tea would be nice”

Anne walks out of the room and then Robin looks at Harry “ she is scared”

Harry frowns, Robin says “ she understands but she is scared. Don’t leave her.. When I die”

“hay.. I forbid you to talk this way, you are not gonna die”

Robin is staring at Harry “ these are my words”

And Harry smiles “ and I didn’t die, did I? “

Robin nods his head and sighs “ how are your drawings? “

Harry knows he is trying to change the subject “ I am fine. I participated in a gallery”

“when? “

“February “. Robin rests his head again and says “ good”

Harry is drawing circles on Robin’s palm and then he says “please don’t die”

Robin giggles, and harry looks at him, robin says “ that’s an impossible deal Harry, but I can promise you not now”

Harry y sobs and hugs Robin again, “come here Harry”
Robin pats the spot beside him I the bed. And Harry lies there

“remember.. Like old days”

Harry smiles “yeah I remember “

“but you were still small. Not the giant you are now.. This bed can barely fit”

Harry giggles “ that was six years ago”

Robin rises his brow “only six? “

“yeah… I was sixteen when I did the last surgery”

Robin nods his head “ yeah that’s right, how is that idiot you were seeing? “

Harry giggles again “ he became the most talented and famous designer in the uk”

Robin looks at him shocked, then he relaxes again “ but he is still an idiot for leaving you this way alone in the hospital. Famous or not he is an idiot”

“it happened three years ago” harry sighs

“three years or three days he is an idiot “

Harry nods his head and rests his head too beside Robin. Then his phone goes off, Harry fishes it out immediately, it is Bebe. Harry sits bolt up right and he answers “ Bebe hi”

“Harry.. Are you home yet? “

He smiles “ I am with Robin right now”

She giggles “ good, say hi to him”

He nods his head “okay, how is Freddy? “

She sighs “he is okay, he asked about you”

“yeah.. And what did you tell him? “

“what you asked me. You are coming soon. He cried for hours but Louis could calm him down”

“okay”

“he asked about you too, Louis he is worried Harry, I heard him telling Barbra that he went to your place and he didn’t find you or Zayn”

“okay”

“what happened Harry? “

Harry sighs “ Bebe.. Let’s talk when I come back. Okay. I will call you later “

“fine baby, just talk care”

Harry ends the phone and he knows Robin’s eyes are on him, Harry then rests his head back. Robin sighs “ so Freddy? “

Harry giggles “ he is six years old kid”

Robin also giggles “ yeah. The kid you are teaching him art. The Tomlinsons son. Have you met his father yet? “

Harry stays silent for few seconds then he says “ no, not yet”

Robin “ do you think he will remember you? “

Harry smiles “no of course not I was his patient three years ago. It’s impossible to remember “

Robin shakes his head “ who could forget those curls and green eyes. I still remember how he used to look at you”

Harry laughs “it’s all in your mind. He is not even gay, he is married “

Robin shakes his head “ he likes you.. I am sure”

*******
Harry is lying on his childhood bed staring at the ceiling in front of him, he is thinking about Robin and how bad he looks, he is thinking about Freddy that was crying for him and he is thinking about Gemma who he can hear her laughing downstairs with his mom.

She didn’t say hi this morning, she left right after he arrived so they didn’t have the chance to meet properly. It is not like he is avoiding meeting her anymore, he gets used to this behavior every time they meet, she is like this long time ago and he stopped trying to change her. They are kit talking together, they re not asking about each other, she didn’t visited him last time he was in hospital for five days, so they grew apart and no one tried to change this. Okay maybe he did at the start but when he was faced with rejection every time, he decided to stop

“Harry, dinner is ready” his mother called from downstairs, he says “I am coming “

Then he takes a deep breath and he stands up, he is feeling exhausted and it is the time for his magical pill. He opens his bag and he takes one and then he heads downstairs.

He enters the kitchen and he sees his mother is sitting on the table and Gemma is beside her. She looks at him and then he says “ hello Gemma”

He walks and hugs her quick hug and sits by his mother. She didn’t hug bag but that was the deal, they will never show their mother their bad blood. They will behave and will act as adults whenever she is around.
“I miss you babies. I can’t believe you are home”

Gemma rolls her eyes “ well, we used to meet at Christmas but someone here had different plans”

Harry doesn’t answer that, he takes a sip of water while Anne says “ the point is you are here now”

Harry again doesn’t answer, he knows he should be with them during Christmas but he was in the hospital, and he made Zayn swear not to tell his family the truth so he pretended being busy the whole day and he called his mom at midnight when his voice gained its strength again.

“let’ eat” Anne says and they all start eating

“how are your classes Harry? “ his mom asks

“good mom, I am doing okay"

“and the paintings? “

Harry smiles “I was just telling Robin I participated in a gallery next February “

Anne smiles wide “ oh baby that’s great I will try my best to come”

He smiles back at her and kisses her hand, Anne says “ Gemma got engaged”

And Harry gasped, Gemma looks at her mom “ and why are you telling him that? “

Anne frowns “ he is your brother, he will meet him eventually”

“it will never happen. I told him I am a lonely kid I don’t have brothers”

“Gemma.. “ Anne said sternly

Harry sighs and he puts his fork on the table “mom, it’s okay”

Then he stands up, Anne takes his hand “ please sit back”

But Gemma says “ well let him be mom”

“what is wrong with you? “ Harry says, and she looks at him with anger, then she huffs “ finish your meal Harry, we don’t want yo run you to the hospital too”

Harry shakes his head in disbelief and he leaves the table and the whole kitchen. He isn’t hurt but he just doesn’t why she keep treating him this way.

*****
“ yes Zayn I know, I am coming to say hi” Harry says while lying on his bed.

“ OK, you sound depressed what happened? “ Zayn asks

“the usual.. Me and Gemma”

Zayn sighs “ that girl I swear… I don’t know what is the matter with her”

“I don’t know either”

Then the door of his room is opened and his mom enters, “okay Zayn, see you in an hour.. I have to go”

And then he ends the call, his mom smiles at him
“ don’t be mad at her”

Harry sits down and looks at her “ I am not mad mom.. I am just sad. She considers me dead”

“no” she frowns

Harry snorts “ come on mom. Don’t try to decorate it. She stops calling me, I was in hospital for five days and she didn’t cost her self a call. I am sure when I die she won’t attend my funeral"

“enough Harry Styles” his mom said angry, Harry sighs “I am sorry”

His mom takes his hand “ I don’t want to hear you talk this way again. Whatever is between you and your sis you fix it together. She is your only sister harry you can’t treat each other this way”

“ you are talking as this is my fault, I tried mom for years and I don’t know what else to do. She doesn’t want to have a gay brother and I am not gonna change, so she has to deal with it”

Then he stands up because he is too angry to keep still his mom is watching him pacing the room and then she sighs “ she will understand “

“when? It has been ten years mom.. Ten. I don’t have another ten years so she has to accept this”

“god Harry… what is wrong with you”

But he doesn’t talk, his mom frowns and leave the bed and walks to him “ did something else happened? “

He shakes his head, his mom said sternly “Harry, did something else happened? “

“it’s fine”

She sighs “tell me”

“nothing mom, I just fainted on the Christmas eve. I stayed the night in the hospital only because I was too exhausted. I am telling you because you will know yourself and I hate hide things from you. But I am fine I promise “

His mom sits on the bed a little shocked, Harry is watching her “mom… “

She nods her head and she wipes her tears, “mom please, don’t.. “

He sits by her and he kissed her forehead “I am gonna be fine. I am fine”

She smiles and nods her head “are you going out? “

“yeah.. Zayn’s mom is waiting for me. Zayn is coming to see Robin tomorrow before we leave” he stands up and takes his keys

“you are leaving tomorrow? “

He looks at her “yes. I have classes, any I have to finish my paintings for the gallery and my job.."

“take it easy Harry “

He smiles “ I am fine mom.. I promise. Then there is Zayn and he is way worse than you”

She smiles “ yeah… he promised “

“and he keeps his promises.. So don’t worry please “

She nods her head, he kisses her cheeks and moves to the door “don’t wait for me. I am gonna meet some old friends “

“okay, take care”.

******
Harry returns after midnight, it is late and he is sure there is no one is awake. He heads to the kitchen to drink some water when he sees Gemma is sitting in the table and she is crying. He freezes for a second and then he completes his way to the fridge

“you aren’t sleeping? “ she says and she is wiping her tears trying to look fine

He looks at her and he sees how much she is struggling to stay calm, he sighs and says “ I am going to sleep now. I was with Zayn. He says hi”

“no he isn’t “ she says challenging and obviously she wants to fight

“Gemma, I am really tired and I am not ready for your mood swings”

She looks down “yeah right” then she sobs again, Harry is going to leave but he sees his sister sobbing hard and his heart hurt. He stops and looks at her “ are you okay? “

She shakes her head, “do you wanna talk about it? “

Again she shakes her head. Harry sighs “is it about Robin? “

Gemma sobs again, he walks closer and with a hesitant hands he pats her shoulder “ it’s gonna be okay”

“no” then she looks at him “ he is dying Harry stop your illusion”

Harry nods his head “ I know he is, but there is nothing we can do”

She shakes her head “ what do you know about it? You are not here all the time.. You don’t know shit”

“not again” he sighs

She wipes her tears “ you go and leave like you always do.. “

“Gemma why are you doing this? Why are you always looking for a fight with me.. “

“you know why”

Harry shakes his head “ I am not gonna change, you need to accept that. You have been treating me like this since ten years. We are adults now this needs to stop”

“stop? “ then she chuckles “ accept what? That my only brother chose to be like this? Chose this route.. “

“what is wrong with me? “

“you are disgusting.. You disgust me Harry”

He looks down and he nods his head “ okay.. I disgust you. How can we fix this? “

“fix this? “ she leaves her seat “ I can’t believe you actually telling me this. Fix what? You are gay Harry… you likes men, you are sick and people are using you. Others are disgusted by you. You are sick” she is firing at him and he doesn’t say a word

“ I am your brother Gemma, why die at his affect you this much? Why are you obsessed with who I am sleeping with? I don’t hurt anyone. I don’t hurt you I never did”

She is still glaring at him, then she says “ you are my brother.. But I don’t need a brother like you… I need a normal one”

“I am normal”

“you are sick” she yells

He yells back “ stop calling me sick. My heart is sick but not my mind”

She groans “god I hate talking to you why are you here Harry? “

“nit for you Gemma. I am here for Robin”

“yeah.. Now you care about Robin”

“and what does this means? “

“can’t you see Harry? Can’t you see all the pain you put them through, they spent days wondering what did they do wrong? What did they do to make you… gay”

Harry closes his mouth, okay he knows they support him from day one. But he still remember the days he saw his mother crying at night and he had no idea what for.

“you can’t fix this Harry, you ruined the house.. You spoilt everything we were Happy”

“we are still happy Gemma.. But you are the only one who can’t see that”

She stares at him and then she says “ I hate you Harry”

And then she leaves the kitchen leaving Harry alone. He sits on the chair and he tries not to panic, he tries to hold his tears because she always knows how to strike hard, she always knows how to hurt. And she just hurt him.

******
Harry and Zayn are in the room with Robin talking and laughing, as usual Robin remembers all the
embarrassing moments of Harry and Zayn together. He keeps telling them and reminding them. The boys always laugh and they are just happy that Robin is happy.

After saying their goodbyes, Anne takes Harry and she hugs him tightly close to her heart “ thanks baby for being here”

He looks at her but he knows she can see how sad his eyes are “ please, just forget what Gemma told you”
He frowns “ did you hear us? “

“no.. But she was crying this morning and she told me”

Harry nods “ I don’t know what to do with her mom.. Really. I miss her”

She smiles and says “she will come to her mind, and Harry... I was never disgusted by you. You caused us no pain and that's a promise "

He let the tears falls down and he hugs her, he whispers" I love you son"

He only nods and kisses her forehead and then he says goodbye and leaves.
******
When Bebe sees Harry she hugs him immediately “welcome back”

Harry smiles at her “ I told you I was coming didn’t I? “

“come here. Freddy is waiting “

Harry heads to Freddy’s room, l the kid sees him and he jumps from his bed. Harry hugs him tight and he tries his best not to cry.

“I am sorry” Freddy says “please don’t leave me again, I am sorry “

Harry swallows and looks at him “don’t apologies”

Then Freddy lies on his bed “ they are all angry at me”

Harry shakes his head “ they were worried.. But now let’s not talk about it, tell me how do you feel? “

The boy shrugs “ I feel okay”

Harry is watching him and he is definitely not okay “ are you sure? “

The boy shakes his head “ I still feel dizzy. I can’t go to the bathroom alone. They wanted to keep my at hospital but dad refused. And Beth is not here dad says he gave her a long vacation, and you weren’t there and I was scared that dad also gave you long vacation”

Harry doesn’t smile “ don’t worry about this now okay.. Tell me have you eaten yet? “

Freddy nods “ Barbra was here and she made me eat”

Harry sighs “okay, do you want to do anything? “

Freddy looks at him “may I ask you something? “

“yes, sure anything? “

“ can you ask my father something? “ the boy asks

sadly, Harry is looking at him “okay, what? “

“he doesn’t want to talk to me, can you please tell him I am sorry” the look in his eyes is too much, Harry nods his head “ I will tell him that, don’t worry. But I assure you he is worried but he is not angry”

Freddy says “ thanks Harry… now can we paint together? “

“let’s do it”

******
Harry is knocking on Louis’ office, Barbra told u he returned an hour ago and Harry feels he needs to talk to him. He opens the office and Louis is sitting on his desk reading

“good evening Dr Tomlinson” Harry says and Louis jumps on his feet “ Harry… thanks God you are okay, where have you been? “

Harry walks I side the office and he says “ can we talk? I have two things to tell you”

“just two? “ Louis tries to joke but Harry doesn’t laugh
Louis sighs and waves him to sit, Harry sits in front of him

“I am sorry” Louis starts but Harry raises his hand to stop him “ Doctor Tomlinson please don’t.. I don’t need you to apologize to me”

“but I am sorry”

Harry shakes his head “ no, no.. I think it is my fault, I shouldn’t interfere.. I mean it’s family business.. “

“Harry stops”

“and I work for you.. You are my boss”

“Harry.. “

“Louis I quit”

Then silence

 

Louis shakes his head “ you can’t do this”

Harry still looking down “once Freddy is okay I am gonna tell him I have to leave London. My step father isn’t okay and I am thinking to take my vacation back home”

“Harry. I am so sorry”

Finally harry looks at him “ I told not to apologise… it’s not your fault. I really have to go back home. Those last days I was with my mom and step father and he is not okay. I have to stay with him… “

Louis looks down “ I am sorry about your step father”

Harry Noda and swallows his tears “ thanks”

Louis looks at him and Harry sees a tear is threatening to fall “ that’s one thing, what is the second thing? “

Harry wipes his tears away hastily “ Freddy.. He told me you don’t want to talk to him. He asked me to ask you to talk, he also says he is sorry. But I still believe he needs help"

Louis takes a deep breath and nods

Harry then stands up “ okay. I think my job is done here. I will come tomorrow until Freddy is fine again”

Louis doesn’t speak and Harry starts to walk. Then Harry feels a hand is pulling him and then two ha da cups his face and lips are on his own.

Louis kisses him, at the start Harry is frozen, he doesn’t understand what is happening. But when he feels Louis’ tears are on his cheeks he kisses back. He feels he cannot breath and he feels his heart is going crazy right now that it literally might skip a beat.

Louis is the one who pulled away but still cupping his face “ I wanted to do this ever since I met You”

Harry is staring back at his eyes “ I don’t understand “

“I don’t understand either.. But I want you Harry. Don’t leave. Give me another chance”

“ Louis.. I.. “

Louis shakes his head “no.. No.. Don’t talk now. Don’t give me you decision now. Think about it please “

“ what do you want me to think about? “

“us”

“what about us? “

Louis kisses him again and then he looks at his eyes “ think about this”

Harry says “ you told me you are not gay”

Louis shrugs, Harry sighs “ I don’t understand “

“it’s very easy Harry. I want us to be a thing”

“a thing? “

Louis smiles “ it’s really not that hard”

Harry still staring at Louis, Louis says “ just give it a try please? “

Harry finally smiles and nods his head. Although his head is spinning, although his heart is banging in his chest, and although he feels there is something wrong, he knows he has a lot to tell him about himself and about his condition before they become a "thing" but he nods his head and smiles. Then he kisses Louis this time.

Chapter Text

“he needs help”

 

Louis says to Harry, they were in the office, it’s morning and they are drinking some tea together. They are having their breakfast ever since they shared this kiss last week. If Harry couldn’t come Louis would go and have the breakfast with him. They didn’t talk about the kiss, they didn’t talk about Harry, but they can’t deny that something has changed in their hearts that night, something feels right

“ what will you do? “ Harry asks

Louis sighs “ he is not talking to anyone harry except you, I know you have done a lot but you must ask him why? “

Harry takes a deep breath “I will… I promise, but I think he needs a professional to ask his this Louis. He tried to end his life, he knew what he was doing. It’s scary"

Louis shakes his head and then he walks to his desk “ do you know what is scary? “

Harry frowns watching him, Louis opens his drawer and puts out a pill bottle and he gave it to Harry

“it’s the same as I left it last time ”

Harry takes it and he doesn’t understand, Louis sighs “ those are mine Harry, he didn’t use mine”

Harry gasped “ are you sure? what are you talking about? “
Louis shakes his head “I know right? I am not so sure but... I don't know I am not counting what I take. Last night I couldn’t sleep and I needed one of those, I thought I wasn’t gonna find any.. I opened my drawer and I swear my heart skipped a beat Harry, where did he got those fucking pills from? “

Harry gives him the bills back “ have you talked to him? “

Louis shakes his head, Harry knows he was too scared to do so, Harry is scared himself, he is afraid of the boy reaction and he doesn’t know what this will lead to
Louis then sighs “ it’s weaken my case Harry, if the judge knows this he will give Eleanor the custody”

“even if they know that she did it herself before? She is not safe for him”

He looks at Harry “ she is gonna use a lot of things against me”

“like what? You are taking good care of your son”

“I cheated on her Harry” he sighs explaining

Harry shrugs “ then what? She cheated too, that doesn’t make you a bad parent”

“with a man? “

Harry is still looking at him, then his eyes turns wide “ do you mean if they know you are gay it will also weaken your case? That’s not even possible.. I know a lot of gay parents” he is panicking

Louis takes his hand “can you please calm down..”

Harry still looking at him, Louis sighs “ Harry no one knows what I am”

Harry frowns and doesn’t talk, Louis “ I don’t know how to do this, but I promise you I will tell everyone.. But I need some time”

Harry then looks down, he can’t for a word because he never expected that, he thought louis will tell the world about him, he didn’t expect that Louis will keep him in the dark, at least Nick didn’t do that, Nick told the world when they were one in love

“I am so sorry Harry to put you through this, but I can’t think of anything that might keep my son away from me”

Harry slowly nods his head, Louis kisses his cheek “ please, don’t be mad”

Harry looks at Louis, he tells himself the man has a right, that is his son he is talking about, if Harry was in Louis’ place he would think the same.

“okay”

Then Louis sighs “ Harry, please.. I can’t lose you too now”

Harry slowly nods his head “it’s okay”

But something feels wrong inside him, Louis stands up and walks back to his office

“ Louis can we talk? “ Harry says

Louis looks at him and nods “ yeah.. Sure” but his phone goes off, Louis looks at his phone and he tells Harry “it’s work, can I take this?

“yeah sure” Harry answers and Louis picks up his phone

“ yes… “then he features frowns “ when did this happen? Okay I am coming now” he ends the call “I am so sorry Harry” he is running to collect his stuff and he looks at harry again “ later? “

Harry nods his head but he really wants to talk now, but again he knows how busy Louis always can be, one minute he is here and the second he is in his car to the hospital.

Harry sees Harry running away out of the office.

Harry then heads towards Freddy’s room, the boy is not sleeping but lying on his bed

“good morning Freddy”

Freddy looks at him and he smiles “ good morning Harry”

Harry walks and sits beside him “ how are you today? “

Freddy shrugs “ I couldn’t sleep last night”

“and why is that? “

The boy then says “ Harry, can I tell you a secret? “

And from the tune Harry knows it is serious, he nods his head and says “ sure, we are friends aren’t we? “
“but don’t tell daddy”

Harry smiles “ well that’s I can’t promise, what if it was something important, he is your father Fred he loves you more than anything "

“more than you”

Harry laughs at that “ I love you very much, but your father definitely loves you more”

Freddy nods “you don’t have kids Harry, right? “

Harry smiles “ no, I don’t.. I am still not married”

“who will you marry then? “ the boy asks excited, Harry shrugs still smiling “ I don’t know yet, I haven’t met anyone who I love to be my partner”

Freddy nods “ okay”

“now tell me, what is the secret? “

Freddy takes a deep breath “ you haven’t asked me why I did what I did”

Harry’s heart stops beating and he is staring at the boy “ because I know you will tell me when you are ready”

“okay I am ready”

Harry is very nervous “okay I am listening “

Freddy says “ I didn’t want to do this Harry, but I had to”

“what does it mean? How come you had to? “

The boy shrugs, Harry is scared to ask this, but he has to “ did someone told you to do this? “

The boy shrugs again and says “ she didn’t mean to hurt me”

Harry’s eyes open wide “ what?! Who did this? She?”

“my mom”

And that totally makes sense, freddy continues “ she said if I want to be with her, I have to take those drugs and then I will be okay I will be with her”

Harry literally can’t breath, who could think of hurt his son this way, Freddy could die for real

“she gave me those pills, she told me to take them in the morning, but I guess I missed up and took them at evening “

“do you know what they were for? “

He shrugs “she told me they will calm me down and daddy will know I m have to be with her, but she asked me not to tell anyone.. I don’t know. I trust you and I needed you to know so you don’t be sad again”

Harry takes the breath he was holding “I am not sad.. I am just… I was worried about you so as your dad and all of us”

Freddy looks down “ dad wants to send me away, can you tell him not to? “

“send you where? “

He folded his arms “ I don’t know where but he is sending me there because he thinks I wanted to hurt myself. I was just doing what mom told me “

Harry is shaking up, but he kept his calm “ but this place is a good place, it will help you to get better, not your father or me can help you like they can”

“but I don’t want to go”

Harry sighs “ tell you what? I will come to see you everyday. And it’s really nice place and you will love it there”

“no”

“you will stay for few days, I promise it won’t take long.. But Freddy you need help”

“I told you I was doing what mom told me”

Harry nods “ I know… you know what? When Louis comes home we all will sit and talk till we reach an agreement “

“okay “

Harry smiles “okay, now… would you like to eat breakfast or sleep maybe a little more? “

Freddy looks at him “no, I want to paint”

Harry smiles because he knows that is Freddy’s way to explain his pain, the same way he did when he was a kid “ okay, but we will eat first”

*****
Harry waits till Louis comes home, he decides to study a little till Louis comes so he talks to him about what freddy told him.

Barbra enters the kitchen where Harry is studying and she smiles “ you are still here? “

Harry looks at her, he puts his pencil down and he squeezed his eyes “yeah.. I am waiting for Louis”

She sits beside him “ everything okay? “

Harry nods, he won’t betray the boys trust, he won’t tell anyone but Louis “ everything is fine”

She asks “ how are you doing? Are you taking your meds regularly? “

Harry smiles “ I do mom”

She chuckles “ how is she? And Robin? “

Harry shakes his head “ Robin is bad, he is getting worse and I really need to return home for them”

“oh I am so sad. But are you leaving soon? “

He shrugs, Barbra sighs “ Louis is taking Freddy to the rehab so soon, if you can stay till he goes we will be so grateful “

Harry smiles at her “ that what I was thinking about but then I promised Freddy to visit him daily in the rehab”

“okay, that’s something we need to arrange”

“we do”

Then she sighs “ what is happening between you two, you and Lou I mean? “

Harry looks at her with red cheeks, she says “ the way Louis is talking about you is different, so I know there is something going on”

 

Harry does not talk, he is embarrassed and he doesn’t know what he is allowed to say, and what to say? They just kiss that’s all, Louis said earlier that he won’t confront the world till the case is over.

“listen Harry. You know how much I love Louis, he is my son. But you are my son too. I love you so much “
Harry nods and looks at her expecting a but
“so whatever is going on between you, I want you to be careful “

Harry gets nervous “ what do you mean? “

“exactly what you heard, just be careful. Louis is going through a lot, he is very confused and nervous, and I don’t him to consider you a mistake”

“a mistake? “

Barbra sighs again “ please, understand what I am saying. I want you to be careful… and… “ they heard noises coming from outside, she smiles “he is here “

then she stands up “ just think about what I told you”

She heads outside and he follows her, Louis is on the phone but when he sees Harry he smiles wide, Harry smiles back nervously still trapped at what Barbra just told him.

He ends the call and Barbra says “I will make you the dinner” and she heads back to the kitchen

“I am sorry I am late baby” Louis says kissing him on his cheek, and he walks to his office. Harry is still on his place and then Louis says “ aren’t you coming? “

Harry nods and he walks with Louis to his office, Louis sits on his chair and asks “ so what are you trying to tell me? “

Harry sits in front of him and he takes the deepest breath he can take, okay now his chest starts to hurt again, he is very nervous and confused and he doesn’t want to add this to his list

“Freddy told me about the rehab”

Louis looks at him and nods “ yeah, I told him last night, I knew he will talk to you”

Harry nods his head “ did you asked him why he tried to… hurt himself? “

“no.. I didn’t. I didn’t know how to talk or what to say”
Harry nods, he runs his hands nervously and Louis’ heart skipped a beat, he leaves his seat and he walks and sits in front of Harry “ what is it? “

“listen Louis.. What I will tell you I want you to control your anger, I don’t need you to lose it now”

“Harry, just tell me”

“Freddy told me this morning that Eleanor was the one who gave him the pills and asked him to take them.. So he can be with him”

Louis is still staring at him, Harry continues “maybe that happened the night you saw us together, she was looking at something in your drawers, maybe she was looking for your pills and I interrupted her”

Louis frowns and then he whispers “ she did this? She wanted to hurt my son”

Harry shrugs “ that’s what he told me. I don’t know if he imagined it or.. “

“Harry, my pills are the same, someone gave them those drugs. I thought I wasn’t paying attention… but the doctors told me it was the same drug I was taking and maybe that’s why I believed it, fuck.. She knows what I am taking… she that bitch”

He jumps on his feet and Harry copies him, “Louis… please calm down, we need to think clearly”

“think clearly”Louis yells

Harry startles but he doesn’t move “ Louis.. Please “

“fuck. Fuck” Louis is screaming, then he tosses all the antiques that were o the office and crashes them into million pieces, Barbra opens the door but Harry waves to her to leave them, he tries to convince himself that everything is under his control. Barbra nods her head worriedly and closes the door

“ Louis. Please.. Just calm down”

“don’t fucking tell me to calm down, she wanted to kill her son”

“she thought she can use this against you in the court”

“use what? What if he died? What if you didn’t arrive here in the time and I lost him.. What.. “

Then he stops pacing the room, and he says “ I will kill her.. I will kill her”

But Harry steps in front of him “ you don’t and you won’t. Now call your lawyer, tell him what happened and let’s see what we can do cause I don’t think the court is going to use a six years old kid words. We need evidence”

Louis is looking at Harry, and for the first time in his life he feels safe, he feels finally there is someone who thinks for him, who can take the flag and fight beside him with courage and strength. Maybe he has Barbra and Phillip but Harry is definitely something else. He is someone Louis was looking for for so many years.

Chapter Text

Harry enters Louis’ office the next day, he doesn’t need to ask because he knew Louis could not sleep. Harry couldn’t sleep himself last night, his mind was racing and his heart was hurting. He just need to see if Louis was okay

“good morning “

Harry says and Louis lifts his head up from the file he is reading “ good morning Harry”

“you look awful”

Louis nods “I feel awful”

Harry smiles “have you talked to your lawyer? “

Louis nods “ I did, and you were right, we need evidence. Also you will have to testify in the court”

Harry nods slowly “ okay, I will”

Louis sighs, he rubs his temples “ I want this nightmare to end Harry.. I can’t take it anymore”

Harry nods his head “ I know I am so sorry for this”

But Louis leaves his seat and walks to sit in front of Harry, he takes his hand and says “you are the best thing that happened to me recently.. I want you with me and I am happy you are here. Thank you Harry”

Harry smiles shyly “ I didn’t do anything “

Louis smiles “ you are doing more than you think “

Harry just smiles and then he says “ I guess you need to explain to your son why are you sending him to the rehab”

Louis sighs “ I talked to him”

“no, he thinks you are sending him away because you are angry at what he did, he doesn’t think he needs help “

Louis looks at his shocked “he thinks that? “

“he does” harry confirmed

Louis stands up “ okay, I will talk to him”

Harry smiles “ I will make a phone call and follow you”

Louis mods and then he walks out of the office.
Harry calls his mom “morning mom, how are you? “

Her voice sounded exhausted “ I am okay Harry, and you? “

“you don't sound okay mom, how is Robin?”

She sighs “ I don’t know Harry, he is getting worse I guess. I mean he doesn’t eat at all, he can barely focus. He has that terrible headache.. I don’t know how to help him”

Harry wipes his tears and clears his voice “ I don’t know mom, just pray for him”

“I do.. I do son all the time” then she gives a long breath “tell me about how, how are you? “

He nods his head trying to sound confident, he wants his mom, he wants to tell her all about Louis, all about what he feels, but he knows not now, now she isn’t ready for this, now she has enough weight on her shoulder “ I am doing fine mom, don’t worry about me”

“okay, son I have to go I am sorry”

“no, no.. Go. I will call you later”

Then he ends the call, he puts the phone beside him and then picks it up again and searched for a certain number, he looks at the name of the number for few seconds then he cries. He cries for five minutes and when he calms down, he locks his phone because he knows he cannot call Gemma now, he can’t share her what he feels also, she isn’t ready for him, she will never be ready for him.

Harry stands up and he heads to the bathroom first, and before he enters he hears a voice saying “ I know, I know and I am trying. No one knows what happened that night I promise you. No one”

That is bebe, and she is on the phone

“OK, Misses Calder I will see what I can do about it. But what if Freddy says anything to doctor Tomlinson or to Harry”

Harry’s heart skips a beat, what is she doing? Is it true what he is thinking of?

“okay, I will try. Bye”

She is leaving when she sees Harry is on her face, and she freeze on the floor

“Harry, what are you doing? “

“what was that? “he asks

She says hesitant “that was nothing I was talking to my friend”

“misses Calder is your friend.. Damn Bebe what have you done?”

She shrugs crying “ nothing”

“did you know? She gave him the drugs, did you know? “

She cries hard, Harry almost shouts “ he almost died, what were you thinking? “

She looks at him “ I didn’t know until it was too late I swear. She called me in the morning and she told me what happened.. She thought he took the pills like she asked him in the morning, so it was just few hours so he would be okay, once I heard I ran to the room but you were there Harry, I was supposed to find him and call an ambulance ”

Harry shook his head “ no, you were also supposed to look for Louis’ pills right? “

She sighs crying “ I looked everywhere and I can’t find it she is threatening me to put me in jail if I didn’t find it”

“what? Why? “

She shrugs “ I am using my own drugs Harry and she knows, and my history isn’t really that clean and my relationship with doctor Tomlinson is bad so I will be in jail in a minute” she sobs hard and she looks at Harry “ I didn’t want things to take that turn Harry, if I knew.. If you told me… I would run and tell Doctor Tomlinson I would never let anything hurt Freddy”

“then why didn’t you? “ he asks

“it is too late, she will hurt me”

“she can’t hurt you… I will help too”

Bebe shakes her head “ you don’t understand Harry I can’t go to jail, my mother will die if that happens to me.. Please “ then she hugs him and says “ please, don’t tell him, please, the boy is okay… and I swear I had no idea”

Harry rubs her back “okay, calm down now. Go to your room and I will see what to do.. Okay”

“Harry please.. “

“I won’t let anything hurt you Bebe I swear”

******

Harry enters Freddy’s room and he sees Louis is hugging his son and his son is sleeping in his arms. Harry smiles and whispers “ are you okay? “

Louis nods his head, Harry walks and sits on the bed with them

“you talked? “ still whispering

Louis nods his head “ we did, he wasn’t understanding harry he thought I was abandoning him”

Harry nods sadly when he sees the tears filled Louis’ eyes “ you explained at least”

“I did.. But there is something “

“daddy I can hear you” Freddy says opening his eyes, Harry giggles “ sorry man, we didn’t mean to wake you up”

“I am not sleeping. I was just enjoying “

Louis smiles, Freddy sits on the bed “ I will go Harry but on one condition “

Harry smiles nervously “okay”

“you stay here”

“what? “ Harry asks confused, he looks at Louis who says “ Fred, we said we will ask him first, he is obliged to do this”

Harry still smiling nervously confirming Louis’ words, he then looks at Freddy “ you know I can’t, I have my classes… and my paintings, the gallery is next month and I can barely finish them”

“but Harry… only for two days please… before I go. Daddy promised me”

Harry looks at Louis who is smiling but once their eyes met he looks serious, he clears his mouth “ okay, Freddy I will talk to Harry about this. What if you go and take your shower I will send Bebe okay? “

Harry is still looking at Louis, he then shakes his head in disbelief but also smiling, then he says “Bebe is ill. Maybe Barbra can help”

“okay” Freddy says and then he walks to his bathroom
Harry looks again at Louis “ I feel it was your idea”

Louis is avoiding looking at him he shrugs his shoulders “ it was a team work”

Harry giggles “ what does me staying mean? “

Louis looks at him “ it means you are a part of this family, we need you with us. I need you”

Harry shakes his head “ I don’t think I can make it… I don’t mean I don’t want to be a part of your family.. But I have a lot of work and classes your home is very far away, I don’t drive”

“I can give you any ride you want”

Harry smiles “ you are always busy.. “

Louis then sighs, Harry tries “ I appreciate the offer but maybe not now. Maybe when I finish my gallery? “

The truth is if he wants he can make it work, but he is so scared, what if he moved in and he liked it, and Louis never comes out, what if he was stuck in this relation that will only cause him pain. He admits to himself he is getting more and more attached to Louis. Every time they meet he feels he is falling harder and harder he likes him so much and he knows Louis also likes him, but he is scared, his mind is still thinking of what Barbra told him

“ maybe later.. Maybe when we know each other better”

Louis looks at him “ you know me. You know everything about me, you know my family, my damaged wedding, you know my wife, you know my friends”

Harry smiles and sighs “ I know.. But you don’t know me”

“I don’t need to know you Harry, I like you the way you are”

Harry swallows and says “ I like you too. But I am scared”

“scared? “

Harry sighs and stands up, Louis watches him and says “ I am not trying to rush anything.. We just love your company Harry”

“I know. But I also know you are confused now.. You might not be thinking right” he said the last phrase slowly with cautions

“what are you trying to say? “ Louis says standing up

“I think we should slow down”

“I am not asking you to move in. It just for couple of days for the kids sake, you don’t have to make everything complicated ”

Harry shakes his head and looks down, that’s exactly what he hates, that’s exactly what he is scared of, louis’ terrible mood swings

Louis realizes he did something wrong, he walks closer to Harry " I am sorry”

Harry looks at him “ you have to control your anger Louis”

And Louis frowns, he nods his head and looks down, he whispers “ I am sorry”

And then he leave the room. Harry takes a deep breath, again Louis acts weird, again he scares him and Harry really tries to. Understand. But somehow he is happy with his decision, he won’t make any step forward unless he is sure what does Louis exactly needs from him.

*****
Harry wants to talk to Louis before leaving about Bebe. So he calls him, he knows he is in the hospital, so maybe talking to him at his work might reduce his coming anger.

“ hello Harry”

“hello Louis.. Where are you? “

Louis sighs “ I am on my way to meet the lawyer, do you have something to do? “

That is good, maybe the lawyer will help to “ no, can I come? “

“sure? Are you okay. Listen if it was about this morning… I am sorry, and I promise I won’t push you again”

“no, no, it is not that… I will tell you when I see you. Can you send the location? “

“where are you? “

“still in your home, on my way out”

“okay.. Wait for me. I am coming to get you”

*****
In the restaurant where Louis and Harry were walking towards a certain table, sitting on it a handsome mid forties man, once he sees them he stands on his leg

“what takes you so long? “ he asks Louis

Louis smiles “ Harry is this my lawyer, Ben Winston”

Harry stretches his hand and Ben does the same , Ben smirks “ finally meeting you Harry, please have a seat”
On the table are a lot of papers, Harry then looks around him he wants some water and he wants to go home, he is so tired

“you didn’t tell me he is a handsome guy Louis” and that attracts Harry’s attention, he looks between Louis and Ben, Louis sighs “ just drop it. Harry is saying he has something to tell us about the case”

Ben looks at Harry “ okay, suger… tell me”

Harry frowns and Louis snaps “cut it down Ben. Stop it and let’s have a talk”

Ben giggles and raises his hand in surrender “ I am sorry.. Go ahead”

Louis stands up “I need to use the bathroom.. I am so sorry I was trying to hold it, I have to go”

Ben rests his back and says “ help yourself we will wait for you”

Louis runs to the bathroom that was up stairs second floor, he hates to leave Harry alone with Ben, but again Ben was just teasing him, Louis told him two days ago that there is something between him and Harry and ever since Ben was dying to meet him.

Louis is washing his hand after using the bathroom, “ Louis Tomlinson “ someone calls from behind

Louis looks back and yes, there he is, standing with a huge smirk on his face

Louis just ignored him and wipes his hand, he is walking out of the bathroom

“are you really ignoring me? “

But Louis leaves the bathroom, he is walking back to the table when someone grasps his hand “ don’t fucking ignore me”

Louis yanks his hand away and he glares at the man “ what do you want Luke? What do you want me to tell you? “

The man smirks “ I won Louis”

Louis laughs hysterically “won? Okay.. If you call that bitch a win.. Then congrats “

The man smiles drops and anger fills his face “ don’t you call her that”

“what? A bitch? But she is a bitch, and I know what she did. And guess what? She won’t just lose the case.. She will be in jail too”

He is leaving again when the man says “ you already list Louis.. You don’t know what you are talking about. You are trusting the wrong people”

“she tries to kill her son” Louis says it, and he knows he isn’t suppose to say, his lawyer told him to keep it inside so they have an upper hand

The man smirks again “ well… someone helps from the inside”

Louis stares on confusion, the man says “ just remember.. You will lose everything you fag”

Then Louis pushed him hard then he fell on the ground, the man then jumps on his feet and he attacks Louis, he pushes him on ground and sits on him, he punches him twice on his face. Then Louis feels the weight above him gone, he looks and he found Harry and Ben pushing the man away, Louis stands on his feet “ tell that bitch I will send her to jail so soon” be yells, he is very angry, he then tries to attack again, but Harry stands in front of him

“ what the hell Lou? “ Harry says with big opened eyes
Then Louis hears “ in your dreams, you fucking fag.. We will see.. We..”

Louis jumps again on the man but it was Ben who could pulls Louis away.

Then man tries to attack again but Harry stands in front of him and the man pushes Harry so strong that he flies and fall from the stairs.

Louis sees Harry rolling on the stairs till he reaches the bottom and his heart drops. He runs down the stairs to check on Harry ignoring the fight.

“Harry.. Harry, wake up” Louis trying to check on his without touching him. People gather around him and he starts to panic

“Harry” he looks at his face, still eyes closed but he winced

“harry” he calls again “open your eyes for me please “
Slowly Harry does, Louis nods his head “ that’s right… how do you feel? “

Harry winced again “ auch”

“what Hurts? “ Louis says again, Harry says “ head hurts”

Louis looks at his head, he slowly put his hand under his head to check on him, then he feels his hand is soaked with something, he doesn’t have to see, it is blood, he cursed under his breath “anything else? “

Harry is gaining his awareness now, he looks around him and he gasps, he put his hand on his chest and Louis panics again “ what? What hurt? “

Harry is looking around him at the faces that are staring at him, Louis looks too and says “give him space please “

Then the waiters move the people away, Ben sits beside Louis and says “ is something broken? “

Louis shrugs still panicking “ I don’t know”

“no” Harry says, and he slowly sits with Louis’ support, Harry says “ I am fine”

Then he out his hand on his head but Louis stops him “ you are bleeding, we need to go to the hospital”

Harry shakes his head “ I am okay, no hospital “

“you are bleeding “ Louis says

“it’s nothing, I don’t feel the pain. I hate hospital, please don’t make me go”

“you might have a concussion.. Don’t be a baby”

Again Harry shakes his head “no, I am fine. I need to go home”

Then he uses Louis to support him to stand up “ what happened? “

Louis looks at him “ you need a hospital “

But Harry winces “no hospital please, tell me what happened? “

Louis sighs “ I was fighting with Like and he pushed him and you fell from the stairs.. It was a bad fell”

“oh.. My head hurts” harry says again, Louis bits his lip “ it’s bleeding Harry”

“ok, I am fine” Harry says while walking outside the restaurant.

Louis stops his car in front of his own house, he looks beside him at Harry who he tries his best to keep him awake, he can’t let him sleep now, he needs to make sure there was no concussion. He took him to his own hospital where he checked his head cut, he stitched the cut and he wrap a dressing around his head, Harry didn’t want to spend the day at the hospital so Louis takes him to his home so he can be under his eyes. For 24 hours till he makes sure Harry was okay.

“we are here” Louis says. Harry is completely silent, he looks around him, then he frowns and looks at Louis, Louis sighs “ we talked about it Harry, you are staying with me for only 24 hours then you can go home”

Harry trying to remember then he nods his head, ever since the fell and he is so confused and nothing stays in his memory.

“I need to call Zayn”

“we called Zayn, he is bringing you some stuff. Although I told you I have clothes for you” Louis is feeling so guilty, it was his fault of course, and seeing Harry confused this way makes it even worse.

Harry closes his eyes “ I need my stuff” that exactly what he said before when Louis told him no need to call Zayn.

“okay, Harry. Let’s get inside. It’s cold out there”

Harry nods his head, Louis leaves the car and runs to open the door for Harry, Harry looks at him “ my head hurts.. What happened? “

Louis curses under his breath “ you will be fine. Let’s take you inside”

****
Harry is gaining his full awareness now, he didn’t ask again what happened, there still a headache but he feels better.

Louis is keeping him with him in his office, and every time Harry closes his eyes for some rest, Louis yells his name and startle him

“open your eyes Harry”

Louis says looking at Harry who is lying on the couch in front of him, Harry doesn’t open his eyes

“Harry.. You can’t sleep” Louis says waiting but Harry still closing his eyes, Louis leaves his seat and walks to Harry, he sits on the table beside the couch, he shakes Harry slowly “ Harry wake up”

Harry smiles “ I am awake”

Louis raises his brow “you are? “

Harry looks at him “ I am, I am just get bored. And you are busy with your work”

Louis giggles “ I am sorry. I have a lot of work and honestly I can’t think straight I am still angry”

Harry sighs and sits on the couch, he winces as his head still hurts

“easy” Louis says

Harry looks at him “ I know. Who is this guy anyway, what did he say? “

Louis huffs “ he is Eleanor boyfriend “

Harry is shocked “oh.. That’s explain “

Louis shakes his head “ he used to be my friend. Close friend. So he knows how to hit Hard and that what he did”

Harry nods “ what did he say? “

Louis shrugs “ bullshit like usual. He said I am trusting the wrong people.. That there is an insider.. Bullshit”

No, not bullshit. Harry is going to talk but the door opens and Philip enters

“ Harry, your friend is here”

Harry nods and Louis stands up “okay, send him in”

then he looks at Harry “I am gonna let you two together. Explain to him” he points at his own head

Harry nods, and while Louis is leaving Zayn enters,
Zayn looks at Harry and he turns into a panic state “ what happened? “

Harry sighs and Zayn sits in front of him where Louis was sitting

“ what happened? “ he says looking at his head and he slowly touches harry for further damage

Harry giggles “ I am okay.. I promise “

“what happened? “ Zayn says louder

“it was a fight”

“you fight? “ he asks shocked

“not me. Louis was fighting and I… tried to help but I took the whole hit”

“fuck” Zayn huffs “ are you okay? What do you feel? Is that why you are staying the night here? “

Harry nods “ I have a minor concussion, so he wants to make sure I am okay”

Zayn looks at him with wide eyes, Harry says before he speaks “ that’s all.. Nothing more. I feel fine”

Zayn nods his head and then he sighs “ I brought you your medicine” then he opened his bag and gave Harry three drugs bottles, Harry takes them and puts them in his jacket

“will you be okay? “ Zayn asks, Harry nods and smiles “ I will be fine. Now go I know Perrie is waiting in the car”

Zayn nods his head and leaves the office.

Louis enters immediately looking at Harry, Harry looks at him and smiles but Louis is glaring at him

“ what?! “

“what was that? “ Louis asks

Harry frowns “ what was what? “

But Louis storms towards him and pulled the jacket between Harry’s hand, he puts his hand in the pocket and puts out the drugs bottles

“those.. What are those? “

Harry stands up watching Louis screaming at him, Louis “it was you.. Fuck.. It is you. You are the insider”

Harry sighs “not again”

Louis glares at him “ explain then… “

Harry snatches the jacket from Louis’ hand “ I don’t fucking need to explain. You will never change, you will always do that”

Harry wears his jacket “ that was a mistake, I shouldn’t have trusted you again”

“no.. You don’t get to use this card against me” Louis is yelling, “ there is an insider.. And here you are exchanging drugs with your friend. Are you trying to kill him this time? “

Harry yells back “ do you seriously think I would hurt Freddy? Me? “

“then explain “ Louis yells

“I know who the insider is.. It is Bebe okay? That what I wanted to tell you at the restaurant before you lose your shit as usual. I heard her this morning on the phone. Obviously Eleanor thought that Freddy was going to take the drugs at morning so she called her that day and told her to check on him and call the ambulance but I was there, and ever since she is threatening her to send her to jail if she talked to you”

Harry is screaming and everything hurts now, his chest is the worst, he clutched his shirt and he says

“ those are my drugs, I am sick and I needed to take them since I am staying the night here. You are a cardio doctor so you understand what atrial fibrillation means, I had it since I was nine, I had a bad accident and… ever since I am sick“

Louis is staring at him, the he looks at the drugs in his hand and he can’t form a word

“ I wanted to tell you ever since that stupid kiss. But I just couldn't tell you this easy, this is serious for me and it is not easy to talk about my condition easily”

“Harry.. I am sorry. “

“no, stop. I am not telling you to say sorry, I had enough.. I can’t “

Louis says with tears in his eyes “Harry… “

Harry shakes his head “ you are making it harder Louis. Every time I try to trust you, you shower me with your anger.. I mean you lied your hands on me twice. I can’t “

“Harry. Please “

Harry is crying too “ it’s over Louis, it’s over”

Then he takes his drugs from Louis, he walks to the door, but he stops

“ I will come till Freddy goes to rehab like I promised. But when he goes I will leave for good. I quit and this time I am not coming back, and you will explain it to your son by your own way even if you wanted to make me the bad guy"

Louis is still trying to absorb what Harry just said. He knows what Harry’s condition means, it means bad, it means death. He is panicking and he cannot understand, this was too much for him for one day. He sees Harry leaving and he literally can’t move to stop him, he can’t talk or say anything. He feels paralyzed in his place and he is having a panic attack. He collapses on the floor still staring at nothing. Still hearing Harry’s words.

Chapter Text

For the next days, Harry was visiting Freddy and making sure not to meet Louis. The kid started to understand what he was going to do, he understood he needed help and that was the right choice for him. Louis tried his best to talk to Harry, but once he is in the room Harry leaves immediately. He didn’t want to talk to h again, to be he was tired and exhausted and he did not want to hurt himself any more kit by Louis or by anyone. So all the attempts Louis did failed and Harry didn’t lean to him or even look at him. Even Barbra, she sensed something was going on but Harry ended any conversation about it before it even started.

Harry must kissed Freddy goodnight, tomorrow is the day Freddy goes to rehab. Tomorrow also the day Louis is telling him that Harry had left his job and he won’t see him again. Although the idea twisted Harry’s heart, he loves the kid but he feels it is wrong to work in this house again.

Harry is walking to the kitchen, he wants something hot he was very cold.

“Hello Barbra”

She is sitting there alone and sad, the house has turned into a dismal place. First Beth and then Bebe. She left once she knew about the fight between Louis and Harry, she was scared and that sounded right in her head. Okay that angered Louis even more since the case was based on her testify but he couldn’t do anything.

Barbra looked at him with sad smiles “hello Harry, are you ready yo leave? “

Harry nods, Barbra nods “are you saying goodbye to me then? “

Again he nods, she reaches her hand and he hugs her tightly, she whispers “ I will always Consider you as my son..call me”

He smiles and says “of course “

Then they pulls away, he sighs “how about a last cup of tea? “

She nods “with pleasure”

She walks to press the kettle while Harry is looking around him, it is making him sad saying goodbye to this place, to these people. Barbra and Philip are like relatives now. Who is going to take care of him if it wasn’t Barbra. And then this place, he remembers he spent days here having fun, laughing with Bebe and Beth from the bottom of his heart. Here he opens his heart and cries. That was hard to say goodbye

“won’t you tell me what happened? “Barbra asks sitting in front of him with the tea.

He smiles and shrugs “ you were right Barb.. I am just being careful “

She frowns, he looks sad when he says “ I thought I was going to start something… but it’s doesn’t feel right. And I can’t take it. I can’t take his anger and feelings he never trusted me and he never will”

Barbra puts her hand on his “ I really wished you stay and help. I can see your effect on him… but I am also scared of his effect on you”

Harry understands what exactly she means, he smiles “I will be fine”

“I know.. “

Then they see Louis getting inside the kitchen, when Harry sees h he looks at his tea and he cups his cup with his hands. Louis stands right in front of him “Harry can we please talk? “

Harry looks at him “ I don’t need the money doctor “

Louis frowns “money? What money? “

Harry looks at him confused, so Barbra says “ this month salary”

“oh” Louis sighs, then he shakes his head “it’s not about the money.. I need to talk to you”

“Louis.. “ Harry sighs, but Louis says “ I am not trying to make you change your mind, I am just explaining to you what is the wrong with me so you understand.. And the you decide whatever “

His voice is shaking and Harry notices his eyes are red so as his nose. Louis was crying and it takes a lot of strength to stand here in front on him begging for just a talk

Harry looks at Barbra who is watching Louis with pain on her eyes, he nods his head and then he says “okay”

******

They are sitting in his office, Louis and Harry on the couch, Harry is drinking his tea while Louis is rubbing his hands nervously, it hurt Harry how nervous Louis is and he wants to tell his it doesn’t worth all this.

“how are you” Louis asks looking at him “considering your condition I mean.. At what stage? “

And no, Harry isn’t talking about his condition with Louis

“I am fine” it is his only answer

“how did it happen harry? “Louis asks but Harry looks down, “shit.. Sorry, I am sorry I shouldn’t be asking you this. I am so sorry”

Harry doesn’t move, just looking down and want this to end

“but you know I am a doctor and I can help… if you needs my help I mean” then he rubs his eyes to stop the tears and Harry doesn’t understand why

“I am sorry Harry” Louis says, Harry looks at him yo talk but Louis says “ I know you don’t need my apology, I know you already have taken your decision, I understand this and I am not trying to push you to change it”

Harry nods and looks down again, Louis says “tomorrow our deal ends. And we no longer can see each other”

Harry nods, Louis says “but I need to explain to you why… why I am being the asshole I am”*his voice cracked and he stopped talking wiping his tears immediately.

Harry looks at him frowning, he wants to calm him down and tell him everything will be alright
Louis sniffs “I have also troubles Harry, I have intermitted explosive disorder.. If you don’t know what does it mean.. “

“I know” Harry gasps, Louis looks at him with big eyes
Louis “ you do? “

Harry nods “ I know everything about it” then he sighs “ I should have knows there was something wrong”

Louis looks down “I am trying so hard to control my anger Harry, you have no idea how much I try. But sometimes I failed” he chuckled sin sarcasm “ you haven’t seen one of my rage attacks. I hope you never do”

“shouting, slapping and shoving, physical fights, threatening… I guess I saw a lot”.

Louis whispers “ sorry”

Harry shakes his head “ I understand, it’s not your fault “
And that is the first time anyone says this word to him about his disorder. No one believes him. No one believes it is a disorder, they just think he is just a twat who can’t control his anger. No one understands that is a disease and he is struggling not to fight and lose the people he loves.

So when he hears those words form harry they touches his heart and then he sobs.

Harry squeezes his thigh and says “ it will be fine. You are doing okay though, when did it start? “

Louis shakes his head, he wipes his tears again “long time ago. I guess I always have it, ever since I was kid. My father thought I was bipolar… mom thought I was borderline. I took a lot of treatments but eventually I was diagnosed with this.. I was only twelve when that happened and it even made me more angry. My episodes were getting more and more aggressive.. The medication I used was making me worse. And then my mom got sick and everything failed apart. Inside of me I mean. I was trying all the time to control it so she won’t be sad. “ he then stops talking trying to control his voice

Harry pats his thighs to encourage him, Louis sighs “ she had leukemia so.. I knew she was dying and I didn’t want her to die sacred about me. My father was also trying to Void me and my anger so he stopped talking to me. When she died.. It was when I lost it. I destroyed my room literally in an hour, I was screaming and yelling and insulting everyone who tried to stop me. I broke my elbow but I didn’t feel it, I only stopped when I lost my power and fainted”

“I am sorry”

Louis locks at Harry shocks, he doesn’t understand how Harry gets him

“ I am trying, I swear I am trying and sometimes I lose it, it’s ruining my life. And then my son is depressed and he tried to end his life… what if he ends up like me”

Harry smiles “ Louis.. It would be amazing if he ends up like you. I mean okay you are sick. But look at you. You are a very talented doctor all over UK. You have your own hospital even if you inherited it from your father but you kept it standing. You made your own family, you have a wonderful son”

Louis is listening still unable to believe, he didn’t expect that, he expected silent as Harry gave him last week and then Harry leaves. But Harry is here and is talking about how good Louis is

“don’t lose that, don’t tell anyone tells you a otherwise. Your disorder doesn’t define you. It’s yours so don’t let it control you”

Louis listens and cries, no he sobs, Harry hugs him and Louis cries o his lap “how? “ he manages to say “how do you understand that? “

Harry runs his back and then Louis looks at him “ do you have it too? “

Harry smiles sadly and shakes his head “ I know someone used to. Someone who let this order control him. He lost a lot. He lost his own family”

Louis is looking at Harry, trying to make sense of what he is saying

“ when I was nine. I had an accident. I bled a lot of blood and eventually I could barely survive. I… became sick after”

Louis nods, Harry sighs “ I was.. In home alone. Mom and Gemma my sister had to go for her ballet class. So I was left alone with daddy. He was… he was a very sensitive man, everything was affecting him badly. He was always angry and always shouting at us. Mom tries her best to keep us out of his sight as long as he was having one of his tantrums. He did pushed us or maybe.. Hit me several times before but it was always just a hit.. I mean… if didn’t cause pain. We k ew what to do when he got angry so we thought that everything was under control. Well till that night”

Louis squeezes Harry’s hand that is on his thigh, he knows what is coming and he can’t believe that

“ he had a big argument with one of his partners. And then… he started to yell and shout he destroyed the coffee table and the TV… I was playing with Gemma’s doll.. I guess I was showing being gay but I still didn’t know, so he looked at me with anger I have never seen before, I knew better than staying on his face. So I ran to my room, locked the door pile mom taught me. But it wasn’t enough. Next thing was my door was slammed opened, he stormed inside.. To be honest I can’t really remember but I remember the pain… the.. Awful pain and I remember the sound of my bones.. Getting broken. And then I felt cold. And then blackness”

Harry’s voice is getting weaker and sadder “ he beaten me hard and then he threw me from my window”

Louis gasps but Harry tries to smile “ I am okay now”

then he sighs “ but back then I wasn’t. Mom found me four hours later when she got home. I wasn’t breathing and my heart wasn’t beating. The doctors said it was a miracle that I come back to life. I got home three months later with damaged heart, but dad never did. He left us, he never returned home, we never saw him, we never knew where he is. If he is alive now or dead… nothing. But few months later he divorced mom.. And then Robin showed in our life. My stepdad”

Then he looks at Louis with tears in his eyes when he hears Louis sniffles

“ I forgive him, it was not his fault.. I didn’t help and I used to anger him by acting like my sister he didn’t want a son like me”

“Harry… “

But Harry squeezes his hand this time “ the point is I know how you re feeling, I know how hard it is for you.. And I know how strong you are. You never hurt your son you never put your anger on your family… you are doing a great job”

Louis is looking at his hand “ I am so sorry Harry.. I am sorry I lost you”

Harry smiles “ no I am so sorry that things didn’t work between us. I mean.. I don’t know if we stayed together what is going to happen”

Louis mods his head “I am sorry I hurt you”

“you didn’t “

“I did.. And I am sorry”

Harry nods his head “ it’s okay Louis. You will be okay”
*****
Harry is looking through the window of Freddy’s room in the hospital, it has a wonderful view.

“the room is very warm Fred” Harry says looking at him, Freddy is sitting on his bed, Louis is sitting beside him

“what is it? “ Harry asks “ we talked about it in the car? “

Freddy looks at him and nods his head “ I know. It is okay”

Then he looks at Louis “ I will be fine daddy, you will visit me daily right? “

Louis nods his head while Harry walks and sit on the other side of Fred

“and you Harry? You will go back home next week? “

Harry sighs and says “yeah.. My stepdad is very sick he needs me”

“I am sorry Harry” Fred says, then Louis stands up “ I am gonna see what papers do I have to fil” obviously he is trying to avoid this conversation, he still feeling guilty and he knows he is the responsible one for Harry’s departure

Fred looks at Harry “ I wish you stay Harry”

Harry smiles “i will visit you I promise.. You are staying for two weeks”

He nods “Harry. Can I ask you something? "

“sure”

“can you like check on daddy, make sure he is okay”

Harry sighs “Freddy.. “

“just promise me. He is broken Harry and I won’t be there for him”

Harry smiles but still not promising, Freddy frowns “something happened? I thought you were friends? “

“we are Fred.. But I don’t know how to do it”

“just call him.. Simple phone call Harry, please. He got no one”

“not true. He got Barbra and Philip. He got Niall.. “

Freddy begged “but I trust you.. “

Finally harry sighs, he knows the kid won’t stop asking till harry gives him the promise “okay, Freddy I promise”

*****
Harry accepted Louis invite for the ride, Louis was in bad shape and he didn’t want to be left alone, he just admitted his son to a rehab, a mental hospital. His six years old son. So it affected him badly and he wanted to stop thinking about it.

He stopped the car in front of Harry’s building. Harry sighs and then says “ you did the right thing”

Louis looks at him, he wants really to hear this words
“he needs help and this is the only place that can help him”

Louis closes his eyes and the tears he was trying to hold back now are cascading his cheeks “ why does it feel wrong then? “

Harry shrugs “ I know it feels wrong, but you only want to help him. He will be okay”

Louis nods his head and wipes his tears “thanks.. It means a lot to me”

Harry then says “will you be okay? “

And it is like he clicked something inside Louis. Because he shakes his head and then he sobs.
Harry embraces him “ you did right”

Louis takes a deep breath “I am sorry” he then sits right and wipes his eyes again “ I don’t know what is happening to me. I cry like a child”

“it’s okay. Don’t let it inside”

Louis then looks at Harry “please don’t leave me”

Harry didn’t expect this, he thought they were over this. He sighs but Louis says “ please.. I need you. I feel I can’t do this alone.. I don’t know why I need you but I do”

Harry takes his hand “listen to me.. I am not leaving okay. I am just giving you time to figure out what do you want in your life”

“Harry… “

“Louis. Please. It is not about your anger I understand that.."

“yes it is”

“no..” harry says sternly “I told you I can understand that, I am not doing this because you get angry. I mean I know you are trying to control it and since you told me and opened up it makes sense to me.. I will help you with that. I will stay until you can manage”

“then what? “

“you don’t know who you are”

Louis frowns “what? “

Harry sighs “ if we are together Louis, how will you introduce me to your friends? Am I your only friend? Your child tutor? You won’t admit there is something between us and I am not trying to push you to make things you are not comfortable with.. But I am not conformable to play this rule too”

Louis looks down, Harry then says “ you say till the case is over. And I think it’s good time for you to decide what are we exactly “

Louis doesn’t speak, so Harry says “ good night”
"Harry.. Wait"

Harry looks at him, Louis gives him an envelope " I know you said you don't need the money. But you worked hard with Freddy recently.. You saved his life this is least I can do"
"Louis.."
"Harry please"

Finally harry takes it and he leaves the car.

******
Harry is in his studio, two weeks left for the gallery and he is getting nervous, he isn’t sure about his works and he is thinking to withdraw. But Zayn didn’t let him and he promised to help.

He hears keys in the door and then it is opened
“honey I am home” Zayn says holding two cups of Harry’s favorite tea

Harry giggles, Zayn gives him the tea and then he looks at Harry’s painting “it’s amazing Harry”

Harry smiles and sits on the ground “ you think? “

“think? I am sure” then he sits beside Harry

“how are you feeling today? “ Zayn asks

“ tired” Harry sighs, “ my head hurts”

“stop thinking then”

Harry giggles and says “well that’s I can’t “

Zayn leans his back at the wall beside Harry so they both are looking at the painting and sculptures
“ I met Nick today” Zayn says, then he looks at Harry “ and he seems upset”

Harry doesn’t really care “why? “ but he asks anyway

“said something about you ruining his job”

Harry narrows his brows “ruining his what.. Oh shit”

“shit? So you did.. “

Harry sighs “ no… it’s not like that”

Zayn is looking at him with a raised brow

“it’s about Louis.. I saw Nick at his place and I ran away.. I told you about this remember? “

“yeah.. You said they are friends “

“they are not, he was having some work with him, but I guess Louis canceled it”

“okay? And what does it have to do with you? “

Harry looks at Zayn “ he canceled the work because of me”

“um.. Because of you. Harry what is exactly happening? “

So Harry tells him everything about Louis, their confused relation, Louis condition , his divorce, his son. And he tells him about his own fears and his own thoughts. Zayn is listening carefully without uttering a single word, so when Harry finishes he says

“ and you are ending this relation because? He is scared about his son and the case “

Harry huffs “ I know but.. I am also not sure what will happen next. What if he never comes out? I can’t do this to myself “

Zayn nods “ I understand you… but I am also don’t think it’s enough excuse. I mean give him a chance he obviously likes you and he regrets hurting you, he wants to take care of you, he needs time to figure himself out.. He deserves time”

Harry frowns “ I never expected you supporting this”

Zayn smiles “ I know. But I see what does this means to you, I sure you like him, right? “

Harry shrugs “ I mean.. Yeah I do”

Zayn “so, give him a chance then. See what happens next, maybe when he knows you better he will come out…”

“ are you saying I should give him a chance? “

Zayn shrugs “ I am just saying you both need a chance”

Harry sighs, okay he can think about it, he can think yo give him time, give him a chance. He knows he cares about Louis, and he likes to think Louis always cares about him.

Chapter Text

Harry visited Freddy, he came to say goodbye as he was gong home, his kom called him and told him Robin was too sick, so Harry wanted to meet Louis so he can fix things before leaving, But there was no Louis. He hadn’t come yet and Freddy said he didn’t come yesterday too. So Harry promised to see him.

 

After the visiting hours Harry could barely leave the kid, Freddy was crying and begging Harry not to leave. Harry’s heart melted but he could finally manage to calm the kid down. And he promised he would see him again soon.

Harry goes to the hospital after, Louis’ hospital. He called Barbra and she told him he is in the hospital and he hasn’t come home yesterday.

Harry wonders in the hospital corridors. He can recognize some faces and he is very happy no one remembers him. Then he laughs inside at the idea, why he is so scared that someone might remember him? How come? He was once a patient three years ago. These people meet hundreds of patients daily, they will never remember him if he was a patient today and come to see them next month.

He sees Louis stand g in front of some room, he looks very exhausted wearing his blue scrub. His eyes are dark and black circles surround them, his hair is messy. He didn’t sleep.

Harry walks closer and then his name is called, not Louis.

He looks behind him and Niall is standing there looking at him smiling wide, “what are you doing here lad? “ Niall asks

Harry smiles “I here to meet Louis actually “

Then he feels a hand on his back, soft hands and he flushes

“are you okay? “ Louis asks him, Harry looks at Louis and he sees worries and panic in his eyes

“I am fine, I am fine”

“are you sure? “ Louis asks again examining him with his doctor’ eyes.

Niall smiles “ he looks okay Tommo, not all who comes to the hospital are sick”

Louis smiles nervously and Harry says “ I come to talk to you, do you have time? You love ok very busy”

“tough day Harry, I was in eighteen hours surgery. It wasn’t suppose to be this way, but complications happened”

Niall says “ is the patient okay? “

Louis sighs “ not really, we tries but it’s like he wants to go you know. And he is in my age so it kills me”

Harry winces at that and looks down, sometimes he asks himself the question after Nick broke up with him, will he be there in his thirties? Will he have a family and meet his soul mate and maybe have kids? Will he be there to raise his kids? Once he decided no family and no kids. He felt it wasn’t fair to leave them at the middle of their life, or to make them suffer seeing him dying. Children aren’t suppose to suffer like he did. And what if someone got his condition, he won’t forgive himself If that happened. So he believed it was the right decision not to be in a relation. But with Louis his decision starts to change. He wants to try, he wants to fall in love and be loved.. He..

 

“Harry.. Are you sure you are okay? “

Harry looks at Louis but there is no Niall , Louis still looking at him with worried eyes, Louis says “ come one, let’s drink something.. I have a break”

Harry nods his head, Louis “ let me get my coat first”

And Harry walks by Louis. He notices how friendly Louis is. Everybody one including the patients are waving at him, everyone is smiling at him. He is smiling back and checking everyone on his way. He is a good man, Harry tells himself and he deserves a second chance.

“come on, there is a café near the hospital.. I love their coffee, and I am sure their tea is as good as their coffee “

Harry nods his head feeling his heart accelerates, he lets Louis guides the way till they reach the hospital. He doesn’t miss Louis’ worried eyes on him, but he will calm down once he knows what’s in Harry’s mind.
Louis orders and takes Harry to sit. Once he sits he stretches his back wincing. He rubs his temples and he takes a big deep breath

“okay, tell me how are you really? “ Louis again asks Harry

Harry smiles “ I feel okay, I promise “

Louis nods his head “ you are in my hospital out of no where.. You never told me what exactly your problem.. So I have every right to be scared”

Harry flushes and says “it’s not that”

Louis sighs “ okay, I was going to call you anyway.. “

Harry looks at him confused, Louis says “ the trial is in January thirty first”

“oh.. “

“I know.. You don’t have to do this and I am sorry for putting you through this, but you are an important element in this case since Bebe is still missing “

Harry is looking at him “no, no.. I will go it’s okay”

“Thanks, and I promise this will be the last time you see me”

Harry looks at him to talk but Louis says “ i mean you were obviously right, things between us is not gonna work”

Harry looks at him with shock on his eyes but he tries to control it before Louis can see, Louis continues looking at his cup “ things will never work between us. You are a good guy with bright future, you don’t need me in your life, with a kid and a man who can’t ever come out”

He looks at Harry and Harry looks down. He has to, he can’t take what Louis is saying, he was going to tell him the complete opposite

“I was stupid to think that we can make it. We are two different people Harry and with your condition.. I don’t know I don’t want to add any pressure on you”

Harry closes his eyes. Okay, that’s it, how condition.
Harry looks at him and says “ I understand.. It is okay”

But Louis frowns and looks at him confused, Harry can’t stay any longer so he stands on his feet “I think I should go now “

Louis stands too “ are you okay? “

Harry takes his coat and phone “ yeah, yeah.. I will be fine. Anyway.. I will be there at the court don’t worry.. Bye Louis “

And he runs away, he escapes the humiliation he is feeling, he hates when people treat his this way, when they think he is weak and he can’t take any pressure.

They don’t know he is too strong, he is stronger than them. He is stronger than Louis and he was ready to do whatever it takes to make it work. Now he regrets thinking of him. He regrets caring about him. Now he knows he will suffer again, and again he hurt himself.

******
Louis is lost, he is lost and scared to lose his mind and does something stupid and hurt someone, that’s why he ended the relationship with Harry before it even started. He knew Harry wants to end it anyway but he didn’t know how to say it, so Louis save them all the pain and ended it himself.

He saw Harry crying while leaving the café, he knew what he saw and it was hurt and tears in his eyes. He still does not know why Harry was crying, he didn’t stop crying himself and he also doesn’t know when he stops. He has been crying since his son tried to end his life, and ever since he can’t stop. He was only feeling safe when Harry was around, but now there is no Harry and it hurts a lot.

His office door is opened and Philip enters with a sad smile on his face. Everyone is sad recently and no one has the gut to talk about it.

Philip sits in front of him and looks at him “Barbra says you don’t eat”

Louis smiles “I eat”

“well, you can’t deceive the old lady. You can lie to me but not her”

Louis puts the pin he is holding down and looks at Philip “am I doing the right thing? “

Philip looks at him and doesn’t talk, Louis sighs “ these custody case.. These fights. Is this right? Will he be okay with me? He tried to end his life when he was here.. I know his mom told him to take the fucking drugs but he did it while he was in my house under my watch… I couldn’t save him.. I couldn’t protect him. If Harry didn’t come in time my son would be dead.. So am I doing right? “

Phillip smiles and says “ your father asked me the same question before. Right after your mom died. When he didn’t send you away to a private school. He thought it was wrong to send you away when you were filled with anger and pain”

Louis looks at his desk and he remembers those days, he remembers his anger and his rage. He remembers those days and he hates them

“ he loves you… and he knows that was the right thing. I mean look at you now. He keeps you closer he taught you very good and you turned to be an amazing surgeon like him. And I know you love your son. And I know you will do the best for him”

Louis closes his eyes “I am scared. I am so scared to lose it again. I mean I almost did. I hurt Harry twice.. And I don’t know who else”

Philip then sighs “Is this why you pushed him away? “

Louis looks at him “I can’t hurt him Philip. Do you know about his condition? “

“I do”

Louis shakes his head “ I can’t hurt him… and with him.. I… I.. Feel safe. And I need him. He is the only one who told me he understands, he is the only one who said together we can make it. He understands “

Philips nods “ he likes you Louis.. And when he knows you better he will love you”

“I can’t “

“why not? Don’t tell me you are scared to lose it. You have been with Eleanor who cheated on you and you never hurt her”

“but I feel I am losing my shit.. What if… what if I hurt him like I hurt dad? “ and then his tears filled with tears
Philip sighs “ oh Louis.. It was an accident “

But Louis doesn’t talk, Philip smiles “you won’t hurt him. And you won’t lose your shit again.. I am sure you won’t. And he is ready to share this with you. He wants to be here with you”

Louis again shakes his head “his father had it too. His father is the reason he is sick, he hurt him when he was nine.. He almost killed him”

Philip frowns but doesn’t talk, Louis is crying “I can’t.. I am too scared for him”

Philip smiles “ you like him Louis”

Louis looks at him “I do… yeah.. I do”

Philip says “ then win him back. Bring him here and talk”

“no”

“Louis… “

“no” he says sternly

The old man stands up and says “at least think about it, okay? “

Louis doesn’t move. He just keeps staring at his desk till Philip leaves the office.
******
Louis is walking in the hospital corridors, it has been five days since he last talked to Harry and the pain still growing bigger and bigger in his heart. He is visiting his son daily and he keeps asking about Harry so eventually he told him that Harry is never coming back again. FREDDY cried for hours till the visit was over and he told his father that he doesn’t want to see him again.

Louis feels lost as usual and he starts to going to the pub daily to get drawn in alcohol so he can forget all about FREDDY, about his divorce, about his anger and of course about the he suddenly fell in love with.. Harry.
No one can help him, he pushed everyone away, even Niall can’t help him. Louis stopped talking to him and Niall knows he just needs time then he will invade him and drag him out of his dark place. It was just a matter of time.

Louis goes to the pub alone. He sits on the bar and the bartender puts his usual in front of him.

“doctor Tomlinson” Louis hears but he decides to ignore. He doesn’t even turn to see who calls his name.
Then he feels the seat beside him is moving, and a man sits beside him

“doctor”

Louis finally sighs and still doesn’t look at him “ I am not working now”

“neither do I. I just came to say hi since you suddenly fired me without any good explanation “

Louis tenses but still focuses on his glass of drink
“or.. There is a reason.. Harry”

Louis looks at him, yeah tall man with black hair and wide black eyes “Grimshaw”

The man smirks and asks the bartender for two glasses of whatever Louis doesn’t hear anything since Harry’s name was mentioned.

Nick looks back at him “ I know he is still mad at me but I don’t understand why though now? It has been three years and he is in a relationship with his doctor so I really… “

“wait.. “ Louis cuts him “what are you saying?”

Nick sighs “ are you drunk doctor? Do you know what I am talking about? Styles? Green eyes, curls and two deep dimples? Your boyfriend “

“he is not my boyfriend.. I am not gay”

Nick stares at him for few seconds and then he looks in front and takes his glass “sure about that? “

Louis stands up to leave, “sorry.. Sorry.. Sit please “

Nick says then he sighs “I thought you were together.. I mean you fired me because of him”

Louis sits back because he wants to hear about Harry, he wants to talk about Harry

“ he is my friend “

Nick mods his head “ makes sense… but I didn’t know you can get friends with your patients.. “

“he is not my patient” Louis says almost immediately
Nick frowns “ maybe not now but he was”

Louis glares at him and has no idea what does it mean “he is not”

Nick looks at him again and raises one brow “oh god.. You don’t have an idea do you, he didn’t tell you”

“tell me what? “

Nick sighs “ how exactly did you meet? “

Louis finds himself answering “ he is my son art tutor”

Nick nods his head understanding, then he looks at Louis “ why did you fire me doctor Tomlinson? All Mr Horan told me that you suddenly didn’t like my work.. I kept pushing him till he said something about Harry… and obviously he has no idea what is going on between you and Harry”

Louis groans “nothing is between me and Harry, now leave me the fuck alone. Or I will”

Nick puts his glass down and says “okay, okay I am leaving “

He stands up but he doesn’t move then he says “ how is he? “

Louis frowns, Nick is looking down and his eyes are filled with something Louis can’t understand or he is too wasted to understand.

Nick looks at him “I haven’t seen him for more than three years. And then the first I am here for your hospital I see him. He was still mad at me.. And I think he is still mad at me”

Louis does not talk

Nick shrugs “ what I did to him was awful. But I panicked.. I mean you saw him that night. You saw how he looked.. You brought him back to life.. He was like dead.. And I panicked”

Louis is looking at him but his mind goes blank, he can’t remember anything but his mind is trying to give him something

“when you told me about his condition that night.. I couldn’t look at him in the face. I loved him.. I loved him so much that it really destroyed me to know he was sick. I can’t see him in pain again.. I can’t see him suffer. I can’t be me since I know about it”

Louis slowly says “ he is okay”

“you told me it will always be there.. You told me he will never be okay”

“he has it since he was nine.. You met him sick.. You loved him sick.. You left him sick too… so panicking or not that is not an excuse “

And Louis surprised himself saying this.

Nick nods his head “yeah.. Yeah.. You are right. But just tell me, is he okay now? “

Louis looks in front again and doesn’t answer. Nick then sighs and leaves the place. Nick left but Louis’ heart goes crazy. He can’t control his shaking hands. He can’t stop his racing mind. So he just stands up and leaves the place.

******

Louis is knocking on Harry’s door, he knows it’s late but he doesn’t care, he wants to talk to him, he wants to ask for another chance cause he can’t take it anymore, he just can’t. There are a lot of questions and he wants the answers.. Now.

The door is finally opened and Zayn standing in front looking at him with sleepy eyes

“zayn right? I am sorry to come late but I really need to talk to Harry, I am trying to call him but I don’t know there is something wrong”

Zayn nods his head and gives him a room to enter, Louis enters without hesitation and Zayn closes the door behind him.

Louis doesn’t move, he just stays by the door waiting
“where is he? Is he okay? Oh God.. Something happened? “

Zayn rubs his eyes and then he says “something happened but he is okay”

Louis feels his heart drops, he looks at Zayn with big eyes. Zayn says “ his father is sick.. And his mom called last night, he left this morning”

“oh.. Is he gonna be okay? “

Zayn walking to the kitchen, he looks at him “who? Robin? I don’t know.. He doesn’t seem okay. I don’t know.. But the way Anne acted it means.. He’s got couple of days.. I don’t know”

Louis looks down, then he looks at Zayn “ they are close right? “

Zayn nods “ he the only father Harry knows. His real father is an asshole who did shit to him”

Louis nods his head “what about his phone? “

Zayn shrugs “he lost it. I can give you Gimma’s phone if you want to.. “

“sister Gimma? No… what about his mother ? “

Zayn looks at Louis and then he says “ he told you about Gemma? “

Louis looks down “ he told me things.. “

Zayn sighs and then he give Louis a cup of tea “I have just tea.. “

Louis takes the cup and sits down “thanks “

Zayn sits in front of him “ how is your son? “

Louis looks at him and sighs “ hates me”

“why? “

“he believes I pushed Harry away again. He loves him so much”

Zayn smiles “Harry loves him too, but I am sure he doesn’t hate you. It just for few days”

Louis looks at him frowning “what? He hasn’t been coming for the last five days”

“five days? But how? “

Louis puts the cup down “I don’t understand… “

Zayn looks down and then he shakes his head “I wasn’t in town.. But he didn’t tell anything.. I thought he was seeing you and Freddy, I thought he fixed things”

“he didn’t “ Louis sighed “I fucked everything up then”

Then he told Zayn everything that happened that day, but when he left he Already made his decision. He will go for Harry, he will go and he will bring him back, he will ask for another chance and he wouldn’t take no as an answer.

Chapter Text

Harry is reading for Robin. They are in the hospital room and it is late. Robin is closing his eyes enjoying Harry’s calming voice. Harry is reading pretending that everything will be okay. He knows nothing will be okay.

 

“Harry stop” Robin suddenly says startling Harry, Harry looks at him with concerns “are you okay? “

But Robin ignores answering that question, instead he asks “will you be okay? When I am gone.. I want you to be okay”

 

Harry frowns “you are not going anywhere”

Robin smiles although his pain “come on kid… we all know that this is the end” harry looks down but his tears finally betrays him, Robin says “ I am okay with this.. I am happy with what I made. But I am worried about you”

Harry looks at him and then he slowly takes his hand “ please don’t.. I will be fine”

Robin is watching the boy he raised with a proud smile “I am so proud of you Harry.. I hope you know that. You are my son”

Harry cries again “and you will always be my dad.. I love you Robin so much and I am so sorry for anything I did to you”

Robin smile dies and he asks “what are you talking about? “

 

Harry wipes his tears with his free hand “I know.. About all the pain I put you through when I came out.. I am so sorry that I made this.. I ma so sorry to out you through this”

Robin smiles again “ Gemma told you that? “

Harry looks down and says “it’s true though”

Then Robin takes a deep breath “it is.. “Harry tenses for a second. Okay now he knows it is true but hearing it with his own ears will make it worse

“but we were worried about you… we were scared that the world won’t accept us the way we do. Won’t give you the chance to know you and love you the way we do… but you surprised all of us.. Your courage surprised me.. I don’t think I can be brave as you are.. No one in this family is brave as you are Harry.. “ then he squeezes Harry’s hand when he hears his sobs, he says “ don’t let anyone tell you anything else .. We are all so proud of you”

 

Harry slightly shakes his head, because deep inside he knows not all of them are proud.

 

Robin closes his eyes “your sister loves you”

Harry smiles softly, he looks at Robin and says “you always read my mind”

“Well.. You are my son” then he looks at him “ she was here two days ago crying because she doesn’t know how to fix things with you”

Harry frowns “that’s very easy… just tell me”

He smiles “you know how arrogant and stubborn she is.. It is very hard for her to do that”

Harry closes his eyes “but I really need her to do that.. It is ten years Robin.. I deserve a simple apology.. I needed her back then.. She was making my life harder”

“that’s not you who is talking… you have a big heart Harry”

“my heart is broken Robin.. And it keeps getting broken.. Like it isn’t supposed to heal ever”

Robin is looking at him “ did he break your heart too? “

Harry frowns and look at him, Robin smiles “ no one told me but I saw your eyes were shining last time.. But not this time so I know there was something.. “

 

Harry sighs “ but it didn’t work anyway”

“why? “

Harry shrugs “ I don’t know.. It is complicated “

“the doctor? Tomlinson? “

Harry nods and looks down, Robin asks “ does he remember you? “

Harry shakes his head “but he know about me.. That’s one of the reasons to end things”

Robin nods his head silently and closes his eyes “ he will come back”

“I won’t let him”

“yes you will”

Then Robin smiles “ you still like him”

But Harry doesn’t answer that, Robin says “ read for me Harry… I want your voice to be the last thing I hear”

Harry closes his eyes and again the tears falls down. He is crying a lot of things. But Louis is one of them.

Later that night Robin died peacefully. Harry was there holding his hands when everything was over. Harry saw the one he lived, the one who raised him to became the one he is today saying goodbye to the world. And for a moment Harry wanted to exchange places. He wanted also to go in peace like Robin. He wanted to kiss everything goodbye and be proud with what he did in his life, but he felt it was wrong, his life was missing something, missing someone. He wanted Freddy to be the one who is holding is hand when he passes away, he wanted Louis to be the one who reads for him and his voice be the last voice he hears.he wants Gemma to kiss his hair goodbye. He wants a lot of things and he has no idea if he is gonna get them or not.

*******
Harry experienced a lot of feelings during his life, but burying Robin is definitely the hardest. He woke up this morning and had an attack, he didn’t care much of it he was in fact expecting it. He didn’t take rest he wanted to be there for his mom and sister. Anne was better than he thought, she dealt perfectly with the situation.

The truth is she knew the suffer Robin was having and she prayed for it to end. Of course she will miss him but saying goodbye and ending his pain feels better in her heart. Gemma refused to talk to anyone as usual. Her fiancé came last night but Harry didn’t have the chance to meet him, and he didn’t know if she ever will let them meet.

Harry is helping his mother making the breakfast, she is crying but harry doesn’t see, so when she gives that sound he drops what is in hand and he walks to her. He hugs her without a word and she hugs back. He rubs her back “ he is in a better place”

She nods her head “ I know baby.. It just.. It hurts”

And Harry’s eyes filled with tears right away, his voice suffocated and he doesn’t know what to say, it does hurt, it hurts very much more than anything in the world

“are you okay? “ his mum asks and then looks at him “ you can barely breath”

He shakes his head “I am fine mom.. Don’t worry about me”

Then Gemma shows in the kitchen “goodmorning mom”

She looks at her finally and let’s Harry go he moves to the fridge to put out the juice and avoids his mom eyes. He tried to take deep breath but everything in his chest hurt, he tries his best not to panic

“mom..i will make a phone call” and he leaves the kitchen.

He walks out the house in the open air. He sits on the steps in front of the house.

He tries again to take a deep breath but the feeling is the same, he fishes his phone from his pocket and he calls Zayn.

“morning Harry”

“Zayn.. “ his vice sound awful even to him

“are you okay? Where are you? “

“no… “ he whispers, then he closes his eyes and he clutches his chest. He can’t have another attack now, he can’t collapse now, they will Bury Robin in few hours and he can’t cause his family more pain.

“you are panicking Harry… it’s okay.. Do you want me to come.. Shit I am coming”

Harry puts the phone beside him, and few minutes later he feels hands on his hands, he opens his eyes he didn’t realise closing them

 

Zayn is looking at him and rubbing his hand “what do you feel? “

Harry shakes his head and then he cries. Zayn hugs him and nods “I know.. I know.. It is okay. You need to let it out”

And Harry sobs and hugs Zayn tightly “ it hurts”

“I know” Zayn says and rubs his back softly till harry calms down.

It takes him ten minutes then the door behind them is opened

Gemma says “breakfast is ready… oh hi Zayn”

Zayn stands up so as Harry, Zayn hugs Gemma “ how are you Gems”

She smiles and nods her head “i will be fine” then she looks at her brother and then back at Zayn “ come on in, breakfast is ready”

Zayn looks at Harry who nods his head and then together they enter the house.

“Tom.. This is Zayn Malik.. Our neighbor and my brother best friend “

Gemma says once they entered the kitchen, Zayn shakes hand with Tom and then he hugs Ann and kisses her forehead.

Gemma says “this is my brother “ then she sits
“my condolences “ Tom says shaking hands, Harry smiles and thanks him.

They all sit around the table. The tension was high but Harry only is focusing on his chest pain and how to let it un-shown .

It all went okay, Harry cried while he saw Robin going six feet under, Gemma and Anne also cried. Zayn hugged Harry while Tom was with Gemma and Anne. Harry refused to leave with them. He stayed sitting on the ground looking at the spot that was hugging Robin and he cried.

 

He was his vest friend. He helped him through a lot, when he felt pain Robin was the one Harry chose to tell. When he was sad Robin was always there. Before his surgeries Robin was the one who held his hand and who told him he would make it and he wouldn’t let him die. He gave him confidence and courage, he gave him strength and hope. And now he is dead and Harry feels alone.

 

“he loved you” Gemma suddenly says behind him.

He looks at her and wipes his tears, she sits beside him “ mom is worried about you.. She is always worried but can you please come home because she is having a lot.. “

Harry nods his head and doesn’t look at her “I am coming”

“when? “

“just go Gemma I am coming”

She stares at him and he ignores her, he isn’t ready for her attitude right now, he wants to grieve the man he loves alone.

So Gemma stands up and leaves.

******
Few hours later Harry walks home. He enters the kitchen and Gemma is alone there, when she sees him he can see she gives a relieved sigh

“where is mom? “

Gemma looks away “ I put her in bed an hour ago”

Harry takes a bottle of water and sits on the table, he is still very cold that his hands are shaking, Gemma sees them and then she looks at him “where have you been?”

He doesn’t answer her, he asks “ where is Tom? “

“sleeping”

He nods his head “why aren’t you? “

She sighs “I was waiting for you”

He frowns and looks at her “ you don’t have to”

“I know… but I promised mom”

He stares at her and wants to ask her to stop, but he nods his head again “okay, I am home. You can go now”

She doesn’t move, he stands up and pour himself some coffee to warm him up a little

“don’t make her worry” Gemma says

Harry shakes his head in disbelief, he looks at her

“can’t you have enough? Can’t you stop blaming for everything for one day.. One fucking day.. I just lost my father, I am angry and I am hurt and I don’t want to burst on you.. So please just for one day try to act normally and not disgusted from you gay brother”

She watches him with tears in her eyes “I lost him too”

Harry gives her his back, he tries to take a breath but everything is collapsing inside.

“he was my father too… I am angry too and sad and hurt”

He looks at her “fine.. Go to your fiancé and cry on his shoulder.. Do whatever you like but stay away from me”

She stands up too crying “ don’t be an asshole I am trying to open a conversation with you? “

“how? You are blaming me for mom… you can’t talk to me without making me feel guilty, without making me want to fucking die.. Gemma please”

She yells “you please… don’t make it my fault “

“it’s no one fault for God sake… “ he yells back
“God? What do you know about God.. “

“oh my god.. Not again.. It has been ten years Gemma ten.. What exactly do you want? “

She chuckles in sarcasm “nothing from you…”

“fine…” then it hits him, horrible pain shots in his chest, shoulders and back, he can’t breath, like something is squeezing him, he clutches his chest and wheezes, his eyes are opens wide and the other hands he stretches for support.

He sees Gemma looking at him With panic, she rushes to his side and supports him but he collapses anyway. She lies him down on the floor

“what? What… what’s is happening.. “ she asks him
He can’t talk, he can’t breath and he feels like dying
“is it… is it your chest? Is it the heart? Tell me what to do”

Harry’s eyes feel wet, he knows he is crying too, he is in pain and he just wants to breath. He feels sweaty and his chest is still squeezing, but he can hear his heartbeats in his ears, very very fast, okay he is going to die

“Harry.. Please open your eyes”

Are his eyes closed? He tries to open his eyes, he tries to breath and not panic, he doesn’t want to die now, not in the kitchen floor with only Gemma, he wants Freddy and Louis. He wants a family

Focus, he needs to focus.. It will be okay

“Harry.. Please… oh my god.. Tom help”

Then he feels he being lifted from the hard ground and then he is out on a soft warm comfortable couch

“what should I do? “Gemma asks screaming

“get him a cup of cold water.. He is conscious “

Yes.. Yes I am, he wants to say

 

He feels a hand patting his cheek “Harry.. Harry. It is okay.. I am Tom and I am a doctor. Can you open your eyes for me please “

Slowly harry opens his eyes, Tom nods “good.. Now on scale of ten.. How is the pain? “

Harry takes a breath and he can feel he can gradually breath, okay, his chest still hurts but the squeezing is leaving

“ 6”

“good…good six is good. Now try to take deep breathes, follow me”and he starts to take deep ins and deep outs.

Harry follows him. And gradually he is feeling better

“I need you to sit” Tom says and he helps him to sit on the couch, Harry sees Gemma looking at him with a glass of water

“give me the water Gemma”

Gemma does still looking at her brother, Tom gives him the glasses but Harry’s hand are still shaking so Tom hold them “it’s okay.. I will help. Now drink slowly”

Harry nods and he drinks slowly. Then he rests his back on the couch and closes his eyes

He doesn’t know how much time has passed, but Tom finally asks “ feeling better? “

Harry opens his eyes and sees Tom and Gemma sitting together on the couch beside him

Harry nods his head, he is feeling better, he can breath and he can feels his limbs again.

“I am sorry” he says

Tom smiles "it's okay.. But tell me, are you taking your drugs?"

Harry sighs "yeah.. But I guess I am so exhausted and.. Stressed"

“should you go to the hospital? “ Gemma asks

Harry rubs his eyes “no I am okay”

“Harry.. You almost passed out” she says

He shakes his head, he doesn’t want to talk, he can’t believe she is worried anyway so he stands up
“I am sorry Tom for waking you up.. Thanks for help, Gemma don’t tell mom anything “

Gemma stands up too waiting for something, but Harry just says “ I will go to sleep”

 

Then he leaves without hearing any comment, he promises himself he will see the doctor as soon as he goes to London. He lies on his bed and he closes his eyes and he sleeps.
*****
Next morning he is in the kitchen, he wants to prove to them he is okay, he isn’t, he feels something is wrong but he just can’t understand what. His mom is making the breakfast, she is talking on the phone with her brother who couldn’t come from the othe rpart of the world

 

Gemma enters the kitchen with Tom, once she sees him she gasps “Harry.. You are awake? “

Anne looks between them and then she ends the call. “good morning kids.. Breakfast is ready.. Just sit”

Gemma and Tom sit, Gemma still looking at him
“stop staring Gemma.. She will feel something is wrong? “ a harry whispers

She nods “sorry… sorry.. “

Then Anne says “Have you slept well? “

Tom says “we slept okay.. What about you? “

She shrugs “ I thought I couldn’t sleep without him.. But.. I think I was very exhausted that I didn’t feel myself “

Harry nods “you need your rest mom”

She looks at him “so do you.. Your face looks awfully pale.. “

 

“I am okay”

 

Then the doorbell rings, he stands up too fast, he just wants to leave the kitchen “ I will get it”

And he leaves the kitchen and walks to the door, who could visit them that early, maybe Zayn?

He opens the door and he freezes. He never expected to see him here. Standing at his door with a sad smile and red eyes

 

“Louis? “

Chapter Text

Are you still interested in this story? I have the chapters but I don't know if to post them or not?

Tell me what do you think

Chapter Text

Louis is sitting in the living room with Harry and his family, for harry it was awkward, he doesn’t know why Louis is here, he doesn’t want to raise his hopes and Louis said he is here to give his condolences to the family so he isn’t here for him or anything.

“it’s really nice from you to come here doctor Tomlinson.. We appreciate it” Anne says looking between Louis and Harry

Louis smiles “no.. I should come. I know how Robin meant for Harry, and I should be with him in such time”

Harry looks at Jim confused, but Louis says “ and please Misses Twist.. Call me Louis”

She smiles and again looks at harry who is still silent
“it is pleasure to meet you Doctor Tomlinson.. You and your father are legends.. Really” Tom says for the fifth time

Tom smiles again “ pleasure is mine Doctor.. And if you need any help I am here” he says taking a sip from his coffee then he looks at Harry “Harry can we talk.. Like in private? “

Harry nods his head and stands up “sure.. Come with me”

Then Louis excuses the family and walks behind harry to Robins office.

Once Harry closes the door behind him, he looks at Louis and says “ what are you doing here?”

Louis sighs “we need to talk”

“I guess we talked? “

“Harry… I am sorry”

Harry doesn’t say a word, Louis “please give me a chance to make things right”

Harry shrugs “why? I thought we ended everything that day”

Louis looks down “but I can’t.. I can’t harry I keep thinking of you all the time, please… please I need you.. I need you Harry”

But harry looks at him “ you need me as what Louis? A secret lover? “

“the case is in two days”

“I know.. I am coming, I told I will, there was no need for you yo come”

Louis looks at him shocked “no, no no.. I am not here because of it.. I am here because I want to say sorry”

Harry looks down and takes a deep breath, his chest still hurts him of course and now he feels more ache
“ i can’t be a game for your mood Louis”

Louis frowns “ you are not”

“but I am…. The minute you gets angry the first thing you abandon is me”

Louis sighs “ I am sorry I get angry at you”

“no… no I told you I can handle your anger.. But I can’t stand you refusing me and keep pushing me away every time you got the chance.."

“ Harry, you gave up on me too”

Harry shakes his head “ because you wanted this, you wanted to push me away.. I get tired Louis I can’t keep doing this it’s very exhausting”

Louis joss his head “ that’s why I am here… I am here for a new start Harry, can you give me a second chance? “

“Louis.. I… “

“it’s simple.. Can you or can you not? “

Harry takes a deep breath and then he nods his head “ I guess I can”

Louis smiles and he walks to Harry and hugs him “God.. I really missed you”

Harry wraps his hand around Louis “ I missed you too”

Then he looks at Louis “so.. We are what now? How can I introduce you now to my family? “

Louis smiles “we are together Harry”

Harry raises his brow “what about the case? “

Louis shakes his head “I don’t think it really matter on the court”
*****

Louis spent the day with Harry and his family, he loved Anne so much, she somehow reminded him with his mother and he spent as long as he could with her.

At night, Harry enters the guest room they gave to Louis holding the clean sheets and the clean pillows
“ I love this room.. It was mine when I was younger” Harry says looking around him.

Louis sits on the bed “it’s very comfy.. I like it too, but why did you move? “

Harry sits beside him too “ well.. After my accident.. I couldn’t climb the stairs without losing my breath”

Louis gasps and look directly at the window in front of him “is this? Is this the same house you used to live when the accident happened? “

Harry looks down and nods his head “it is.. It belongs to my grandma and mom can’t stand the idea of moving out… "

 

Louis holds Harry’s hand “oh Harry.. I am so sorry for this.. I am sorry for every bad things happened to you”

Harry giggles “it happened long time ago.. It was not your fault “

“still.. You don’t deserve it”

Harry nods his head and then shrugs “anyway… breakfast is at 8.. We don’t want to be late okay? “

He stands up but Louis does not let go the hand, Harry looks at him with big smile

Louis says “are you leaving me? “

Harry looks at him confused, Louis “ I thought we will sleep here.. Together “

Harry sits again “ummm.. Not that fast.. Baby steps okay? “

“we are slower than a baby Harry”

Harry laughs “you have to be patient.. We are having big days coming, the trial.. My gallery… we don’t want to add other pressure “

“they won’t be any… “

Harry doesn’t talk, Louis looks at him “okay, okay.. I got it. Baby steps. Whenever you are ready”

“thanks” Harry murmured

Louis smiles and then he moves closer “I would do anything for you Harry.. Anything “

Harry looks at him, they are too close. Their noses could touch each other, louis looks at his lips and then at his eyes, he can’t stop himself from kissing Harry so he kisses him. Harry kisses back and it feels right for the first time.
******

In the next morning, Louis opens his eyes, he looks around him and he smiles, he hasn’t slept that deep since ages, was he exhausted? Or is it the bed?
He looks at his phone it says 7:00, so he leaves the bed and goes for a quick warm shower before anyone.
When he walks to kitchen he doesn’t expect to see Gemma sitting there by herself

“good morning Gemma? “ Louis says

She looks at him surprised, obviously she doesn’t know he is still her
“morning doctor”

“please call me Louis”

He pours himself some coffee and sits beside her, he notices how red her nose is, and he can see the Kleenex in front of her so he knows she was crying
“everything okay? “ he asks

She nods her head “yeah.. Yeah. I am fine. How was your sleep? Pardon me but I thought you left”

He smiles “ yeah.. But no, your mom offered me your brother’s old room. So I stayed. But we are leaving today”

“we? “ she asks immediately

He nods his head with caution “yeah.. We have to go back”

What nods her head and looks at her cup “are you a thing?”

He looks at her but doesn’t speak, she sighs “ he never brings anyone home since his ex… so are you? “ then she looks at him

He nods his head slowly “we still at the very beginning… baby steps your brother says”

Shared nods her head understanding “ of course.. He is still scared, Nick was… well Nick was a fool bastard who hurt him really bad, we all hurt him”

“he told me things between you not so perfect”

She chuckled “ there is nothing between us… nothing at all” her voice cracked but she looks at him “are you his doctor? “

Louis is still watching her, she shakes his head “not really.. I.. We didn’t talk about his illness”

“you don’t know? “

“I do know… but.. “ he sighs “it’s a long story. But your brother didn’t want to tell me anything at the start, I found out by chance… he is my son art tutor that’s how we met"

“umm.. “ she says looking in front of her again
“ we have seen lots of ups and downs. A lot of misunderstanding. That’s… “

“he passed out” she says out of nowhere, Louis can’t hide his shock

“the day of the funeral.. He almost passed out, Tom says he doesn’t… but he felt that pain.. He collapsed and I thought he was dying… and I am scared” she says the last word looking at Louis maybe waiting for any sign of relief

Louis controls himself “ what exactly happened? “

“good morning…” Anne says while walking inside the kitchen with a faint smile on her mouth, then Harry enters behind her

Anne “ you had you coffee before eating anything? “

she asks the two of them with pretended frown
Louis smiles “I don’t have breakfast regularly.. I am always busy at the morning “

 

Anne waves him to close his mouth, then she looks at Gemma “can you help me darling.. They are leaving after breakfast so let’s make them a lovely one.. And you two” she points at Harry and Louis

“ go and wake the lazy groom and find yourself something to do”

Louis looks at Harry confused, Harry smiles “Tom.. They are getting married next April” then together they walk outside the kitchen.

*****
Anne hugged Louis as tight as she hugged her own son, she whispered in his ear to take care of Harry and Louis whispered back a promise.

Gemma also gave him a quick hug but Louis also promised her to watch over her little brother, she had a quiet long conversation with Harry but they didn’t hug or anything, then Harry left to the car with tears in his eyes and he didn’t say any word.

The ride was filled with tough phone calls that Harry eventually had to drive so Louis can focus on the calls.

When they feel like finally arrives, Louis is still on the phone. Harry takes his bag and he waves him goodbye. Louis frowns and holds his hand, he lipsynced wait, and Harry enters with him inside.

Barbra is the first person Harry sees inside, then Philip. And the Beth

She runs to him and gives him a long hug, he looks at her “what happened? “

She smiles and shrugs “ he visited me and asked me to come back”

Harry looks at Louis and he is looking at them with a smile, he then ends the call and says “we are starving.. Although Harry’s mother made us a huge breakfast but I am famished”

Barbra laughed “everything is ready, just give us five minutes “

Louis takes Harry’s hand and they head to the office,
“Beth is here” Harry says while closing the office door
Louis nods his head “I took your advice and thought about it, she is innocent… she had no idea what was happening.. I mean even if I was sleeping with him I wouldn’t notice “

Harry nods and sits beside Louis on the couch “mom loves you, she asked me to take care of you”

Louis giggles “I used my charm to impress her. I guess it worked”

Harry rolls his eyes, Louis then asks “ what with Gemma? “

Harry shrugs and says “Gemma is Gemma… she won’t change”

Louis nods and doesn’t say any thing about the unfinished conversation he had earlier with her.
, *****
After dinner Louis asked Harry to stay there night since they were going to the court the next day, but Harry told him he had to go back to Zayn, Zayn was sick and he needed Harry’s help. Louis finally approved only for Zayn’s sake.

When Harry enters the flat he sees sickness everywhere, the place is messed up, the dishes are very much, papers are everywhere.

“what the fuck? “ he curses under his breath then he called “Zayn? “

He walks to his bedroom while he puts his bag and then heads yo Zayn’s bed room. He opens the door and he sees Zayn under the cover

“Zayn… wake up”

He walks and sits beside him, he shakes him softly “come on, are you really sick? And where the hell is Perrie?, how come she leaves you this way? “

Finally he removes the devout and looks at Harry “ we broke up”

Harry giggles “ yeah right”

But Zayn doesn’t smile, then Harry looks around him, there is no medicine in the night stand, Zayn isn’t sick,
Zayn is depressed and sad

“what happened? “

Zayn shrugs then the tears fall down, Harry is sincerely worried “Zayn.. Tell me”

“she broke up with me Harry, she suddenly found someone else.. Someone better than me"

“what are you talking about? “

Zayn huffs “that what she told me, she said we can’t be together anymore because we aren’t meant to be “

Harry bits his lower lip watching his best friend suffers, then he says “ when? “

Zayn looks down “ the night Robin died”

Harry nods, that’s why Zayn didn’t tell him the truth
“okay… get up”

Harry stands up and he helps Zayn to stand up “you go, have a shower.. We are going out”

“Harry.
“just go, we need to talk and the place smells I can’t clean up now, I have a big day tomorrow.. So you get clean and let’s get out Call Liam and have a nice talk”

Chapter Text

Harry knows that custody hearing doesn’t take long, it depends on how many issues there are in the case, and he also knows there are so many issues. He also knows the battle some times takes days and sometimes takes years, but he prays for the best.

He is sitting outside the court room, he is the last witness since they called everyone, Barbra, Beth and Philip all were there too but they already said their says and went home. Also Eleanor brought large number of her own witness, she was very very angry since he divorced her giving her nothing at all. Maybe that is a point for Louis as he is financially able to raise the kid.

“Harry styles” someone calls, Harry looks at the man who looks very serious “your turn sir”

Harry nods his head and stands up, he is very exhausted he didn’t sleep last night, he was with Zayn who was very sad so Harry stayed with him to comfort. And when he went to sleep his mind was very busy with the hearing, Zayn, and of course Louis.

He follows the man until they get inside the court room, the place is nearly empty that calms him a little. Only Louis and his solicitor, Eleanor and her solicitor. The judge and two other people Harry doesn’t care who are they.

He sits in the chair in front of Louis and Eleanor, beside the Judge

“your name, age, work son? “ the judge says with deep tune

Harry looks at Louis who tries to smile for him, Harry knows how important that is for Louis and he is scared shit to fail and cost Louis his son, he is trembling now and he is very nervous that he starts to feel tightness in his chest

“Harry Styles, 22, I am an art student but I work as a private art teacher for kids”

The judge nods his head “ are you here to say the truth and nothing but the truth Mr Styles? “

He swallows and says “only the truth sir”

Then the judge looks at the two solicitors and says “who wants to start? “

Louis’ solicitor Ben stands up “I will sir”

Harry nods his head, he knows the man, he flirted with him before, and he sat with him once before and he told him what he would ask him

“hello Harry” Ben says walking towards him
Harry nods “hello sir”

“so Harry.. Who told you about the Tomlinson? “

Harry takes a deep breath “my friend.. She knows I needed money and I needed work. And I am good with kids.. Good with painting too, so she told me Mrs Tomlinson.. Um… Freddy’s mother wanted a tutor for her son”

Ben nods his head “good, and you start working there since? “

“first of June 2018”

“that’s eight months now”

Harry nods “exactly “

“and how long do you spend in the day? “

“at the start.. It was only four hours.. But with time fred asked me to help him with his homework and share him his time.. So it depends. Sometimes eight hours.. Sometimes nine”

“and why did he ask you this? “

Harry frowns and looks at Louis who is looking down, then he says

“he was always alone.. He is just six years old, when I met him he wasn’t six yet. So I guess he needed some company”

“good, so you spend eight hours daily? “

“no.. Four days a week”

“eight hours, four times a week. Does it mean you have dinner with him? “

Harry nods “ I stay with him during dinner yes”

“Barbra.. The housemaid said sometimes Fred doesn’t eat unless you are there”

Harry nods “we are good friends, Beth is always there for him too”

The solicitor nods “and during all this time, how many times have you seen the mother? “

Harry looks at Eleanor who is staring back at him, he looks down “not so many”

“how many times Harry? “

“two… the third time was after the fight.. I mean after she left the house”

“two times? And she wasn’t home at all? “

Harry shrugs “ I had no idea where she was.. But we didn’t meet”

“Harry, you go after Fred returns from school “

“ correct”

“and you leave after putting him in bed? “

“correct”

“and you never see the mother near her son? “

Harry nods “yes”

“for six months? “

“yes sir”

Ben looks at the judge “ and she doesn’t have work to do. Just some gossips with her friends.. And boyfriend “

“objection your honor” Eleanor’s solicitor suddenly jumps on his feet yelling, Harry finches and looks at him

“taken..” the judge says then looks at Louis’ solicitor again and says “go on”

The man looks at Harry “Harry, can you tell me more about Freddy? How is he as a little kid? Is he spontaneous.. Or shy? Have you seen any changes in his personality lately? “

Harry nods “Fred is a very good boy, he loves painting very much and he will be such an amazing artist one day. He is calm with strangers but he loves talking and asking questions. He loves reading too, he makes me read for him all the time. He loves Mathematics.. He hates science.. He hates TV.. But he lives Spiderman, he says he is his favorite hero. He hates football “

Louis frowns and looks at Harry, Harry says “he only plays with his father… because he knows Louis loves football” he smiles “ he was a happy kid who tried his best to ignore his family neglect”

“Harry, did he ever say anything? “

Harry nods “ he always asked me about my mom, at the start I didn’t know why but then he starts to make comparisons.. So I knew he was missing his mom”

“did you do something? “

Harry looks at Eleanor “ I did. That was the second time I met her. I asked Barbra when does she come back and I waited.. When she came back.. We.. I wanted to talk”

“but? “

Harry looks down because Louis is staring at him now having no idea what is he talking about

“but she was plastered.. She had no idea what I was talking about, then she gave me few dollars and asked me to leave”

“that’s it? “ ben asks, and Harry looks at him with huge eyes

“she was drunk”

Ben insists “ but she did something “

Harry looks down, Ben says “someone saw you Harry, you don’t need to hide it”

Harry looks at Louis who is staring at him with deep frown, Harry sighs and says “she tried.. To kiss me”

He hears gasp coming from her direction and he doesn’t raise his head to see

“what did you do after Harry? “

Harry takes a deep breath “ I wanted to quit.. But it was Freddy’s birthday so I didn’t want to break his heart. I decided to talk with Mr. Tomlinson after the birthday because I never seen her again”

The solicitor nods his head “and did you talk to Mr Tomlinson? “

Harry shakes his head “no.. "

“why? “

Harry shakes his head in disbelief, Barbra said too much to this man, but again she was trying to protect the kid

“ I was talking to Barbara and Philip about me leaving, but Freddy heard us and he cried a lot and he hugged me refusing to let go”

“he was saying something Harry, what was it? “

Harry looks down again feeling guilty for not mentioning these episodes to Louis before “ don’t leave me too”

The solicitor nods his head after hearing the effect in the judge heart “ the kids is scared, he feels he is always left alone”

“so you stayed? “ he looks at Harry again

Harry nods “ I stayed.. And I decided not to leave him again”

“tell me Harry, Barbra and the others said Fred had changed after the fight? “

“of course he did. He saw what happened… I mean the fight, he heard them saying things about divorce and he was very scared”

“he told you that? “

“yeah, he did”

“and what did you say? “

Harry shrugs “I told him my parents got divorced too and everything will be okay”

“and he believed you? “

Harry frowns “I guess”

He nods and then asks “ and then, he changed how? “

“he was trying to look okay since his father was always around after his mother left, I guess he was trying to make it up to him.. “

“objection” the other solicitor screams again and Harry startles again

“this is his own opinion sir” Eleanor solicitor says
“I want to hear it, go on Harry” the judge says

Harry rubs his trembling fingers and takes another deep but cut breath

“ Freddy did want to look hurt in front of his own father, he knew that Louis was passing through shit… I am sorry sir” he looks at the judge with big eyes
The judge nods his head “watch your mouth”

Harry nods shyly and looks at Louis who is smiling at him

“go on” the judge says

“yeah.. He.. Tried to look okay, be enjoyed his father presence. I mean when we are together alone painting I could see pain in his eyes but when he is with Louis, I can see his is happy or.. Maybe feeling safe”

The solicitor says “so you say Dr Tomlinson was always there? “

Harry nods “ as long as he can.. Yeah”

“ Freddy knew that his father was passing through… a lot. How did he know? “

“I guess he heard his father talking through the phone. He wanted to make him a birthday because he felt he was sad”

The solicitor nods “did he ever mentioned his mom? “

“he did” harry then looks at her, she is looking down

“when? “

“ he mentions her all the time”

The solicitor nods “ tell me Harry what happened when Dr Tomlinson asked his son where he wanted to stay, he said with his mother, but he told you and only you the reason why? “

Harry nods “he did, that day he wasn’t okay, he was worried or maybe nervous, I asked what was the matter and he told me what he said to his father, although he loves us.. But he chose his mother because she said to him she will hurt herself if they weren’t together “

Ben nods “because he saw his mother trying to hurt herself before.. She tried to kill herself in front of her child last year”

Harry can see Eleanor looks down while her solicitor is looking at Harry with fire.

“okay, Harry tell me what happened exactly that day, when Freddy took that pills. You went their as usual correct? “ Harry nods his head, “then he was still sleeping? “

“he was, Beth told me he didn’t want to wake up, and it was a weekend and he loves to wake up early.. So I tried again.. But he still refused. I check up his pulse and it was very slow and weak. I called an ambulance and then called Louis… “

Ben nods his head “and it turned out he took some pills to sleep” harry only nods his head, he know what is coming is the mist important part in this case

“Harry, can you tell us what did Freddy told you about the pills? “

Eleanor looks at him with bug eyes and he feels cornered “ when he returned home, he told me that his mother gave him those pills and asked him to take
them at the morning.. And.. “

“fuck you Styles.. Fuck you.. I will fucking kill you, you fucking liar” Eleanor suddenly screams

“order” the judge yelled and he looked at Eleanor “one more word and you will be out of the hearing”

Her solicitor is talking to her, she is still glaring at Harry and then she sits down, the solicitor to the judge “so sorry sir, won’t happen again”

“she shouldn’t “ the judge says sternly

Harry’s heart is racing now, he is very nervous and he looks down trying to calm himself as much as he can
“you may proceed” the judge says

Ben looks at Harry “ are you okay Harry? “

Harry looks at him “yeah.. “

The judge then asks “ do you need some rest? “

“no, no I am okay”

Then Ben looks at Louis then at Harry

“you say, she asked him to take the pills? “

“yeah.. He told me that, he told me she said it would calm him down and eventually his father will know that he must be with his mother “

“and you believed him Harry?”

Harry shrugs “I don’t know, I mean something like this can’t be imagined. At the start we thought he used Louis’ pills for his anxiety but then… he found out that they were untouched. Someone had to give those pills.. And then I heard Bebe on the phone”

“Bebe? Another maid in the house? “ ben askes
“yes.. She used to work there”

“and what happened? “

“she ran away, we don’t know where she is”

“why? “

Harry feels pain in his chest now, he tries to breath then he says “ after I heard her on the phone talking to Miss Cadler.. She got scared and left”

“and what did you hear Harry? “,

Harry looks at Eleanor, she was looking down “ I heard her talking to Miss Calder and then.. I asked her what was going on, Bebe told me that she called her in the morning, she thought that Fred had taken the pills in the morning, but he took them before sleep. She asked her to check in him and call the ambulance, and then she wanted her to look for Louis’ pills so we can guess fred took his father’s.. She thought he will not tell me anything “

Ben finally smiles “ and you told Dr Tomlinson?”

“I did”

“and then? “

“Bebe disappeared… we can’t find her anywhere”

Ben nods his head “ okay, Harry.. Do you have any words to say before I go? “

Harry shakes his head slowly and then Ben turns to Eleanor side “it’s your turn”

 

The solicitor stands up, he buttoned his jacket and looks at the judge and then at Harry, he smirks at the start then he asks

“ you are 22 Harry, right? “

Harry nods his head
“ you are gay? “

Harry frowns and looks at the judge who is still looking at him, he looks in front again “I am”

“you are openly gay person right? “

Harry starts to feels annoyed specially when he looks at Ben who is narrowing his brows

“I am”

The solicitor nods his head “ and you are right now single? “

“objection your honor.. I don’t know why this is important? “ Ben says

Then the solicitor “I am getting there… just bare with me “

The judge nods his head “go on”

“Mr Styles.. Do you know that Dr Tomlinson is into men? “

Harry doesn’t speak, the solicitor says “did you know he cheated His wife with a man two years ago? “

Harry nods his head “I know that”

“emm.. So you know he is also gay? “

“he is not gay… he is… er… “ he gets nervous and he can’t think straight

“he is what Harry? “

Harry looks at Louis for help but obviously Louis is very nervous too

The solicitor smiles “I will simplify this.. You are a Yong attractive gay man, who happens to work for a handsome man who happens to be.. Also into men but not gay.. Is that correct? “

Harry nods slightly

“so.. Maybe there is something happening between the two of you? “

Harry swallows “I don’t understand… “

“doesn’t have to be romantic… I mean you are close? “

“yeah. We are. We have the same interests”

“which is? “

“freddy .. We all want the beat for him”
The solicitor nods his head “sure.. Fred.. Who else. Tell me Harry.. How do you find Dr Tomlinson? “

Harry asks again “ I don’t understand? “

“as a person.. How is he? “

“I guess.. He is a… very good person. I believe he cares very much for his son.. And I am sure he needs the best for him”

The solicitor “we all need the best for the kid Harry, tell me harry since you are almost together.. “

“we aren-“

But the solicitor cuts him “have you seen any of his episodes? “

Harry looks at him shocked, the man says “listen harry I know you are more than friends so you don’t need to hid it.. “

“but… “

“you didn’t answer my question, have you seen any of his anger? Do you know what he has Harry? Do you know about intermitted explosive disorder? “

Harry looks at Louis then at the solicitor “I… “

“yes or no Harry? “

He finally sighs “ yes”

“so you know what is it? The symptom? The attacks? “
Harry again nods “ I do”

“did it happen before? When you were there? He attacked you and pushed you right? He hit you? “

He is asking question after question, he knows how to make him nervous, he knows how to play with his mind
“I… it wasn’t.. I” harry stutters and he feels losing too, he doesn’t expect this questions, Ben assured them nothing from this will happen since he never lost it with Eleanor before

Harry looks at Ben who slowly nods his head, again harry rubs his hands together and he takes a deep breath but it hurts that he clutches his chest

“Harry.. Did he attack you or did he not? “

Harry looks down, the solicitor says “remember you took an oath”

Harry finally mods his head “ sometimes he gets angry… he might had pushed me.. But he didn’t like attack me he was just very nervous.. “ he is trying to justify his acts

The solicitor nods his head “yeah.. Yeah. Nervous. Tell me Harry, do you think this disorder is dangerous.. I mean do you think.. Louis might hurt his son at a moment of weakness… or let’s say when he is nervous? “

 

“objection your honor , Harry is not a doctor? “

 

The judge nods his head and looks at Eleanor’s solicitor who says “okay… okay… but I guess Harry knows the answer”

Ben says “your honor… “

The other solicitor smirks and looks at Harry “Harry you know anyone who has the same disorder? “

 

Harry’s breath hitches in his throat, he looks at the man with huge eyes

“Des Styles… your father, he happens to has the same disorder right? “

Harry tries to remain calm “yes”

“he used to hit you.. Right? “

Harry looks down “he was… he.. Yes he was”

“and because of his disorder.. He threw you from your bedroom window.. Didn’t he? And that’s why you have a heart condition “

Harry is panicking now, he looks down and he can hear his heartbeats in his ears, he hyperventilates, the solicitor must notices because he asks

“are you okay? “

Harry closes his eyes, this is not the right ye to lose control, he tells himself he needs to focus for Louis
He looks up and tries to breath again, but he can’t his heart was jumping in his ribcage and he knows he is about to have an attack, he looks at Louis for help

Louis stands up “he is… he is having an attack.. “

The judge asks “are you okay son? Do you need rest? “

Harry looks at the judge and he really tries to talk but nothing was going out of his mouth, Eleanor solicitor says “I am out of questions your honor..”

The judge nods his head and gives them a ten minutes rest.
*****
Harry is waiting outside again, he refused to leave, he is waiting for Louis outside the court room.

He is better now, he drank some cold water and he feels much better.

The door is opened but Eleanor is the one who comes out first with her solicitor. She is talking to him nervously then she looks at Harry, she walks directly towards him

“ you will pay for what you did, do you think I don’t know what is happening between the two of you? You are so disgusting… he gets under your pants and now you are totally his… of course you will make me the devil.. But guess what Harry, you don’t know what you put yourself in”

 

Harry doesn’t talk, he doesn’t even stand up, just kept staring at her

“you will pay for this Harry, trust me.. If you cost me my son.. I k ow how to hurt you”

Then he sees Louis walking out of the room with Ben, she walks away directly but Louis see her leaving.
He walks to Harry “are you feeling better now? “

Harry stands up “ I am sorry, I am so sorry Louis.. I didn’t mean to panic but how did they know about my father? No one knows about him… just few” he looks at Ben

Ben nods his head “ you are a big part of this case harry of course they will look at anything about you.. And with the same disorder your father shared with Louis.. It was expected “

Harry rubs his face “I should have knows… you should have told me Ben”

“I didn’t know… Louis never told me”

Louis rubs his back “it’s okay Harry”

Harry looks at him “so… what? “

Louis shrugs “I don’t know… the judge needs time. He needs to meet my doctor… I think it will take time. But I have a temporary custody so.. When Freddy leaves the rehab he will come back to me since she still doesn’t have a good place or fixed job, what did she tell you? “

Harry sighs and says “ I don’t know, she threatened me.. But Louis.. She seems sure she will win the case”
Ben chuckles “in her dreams… now let’s go guys.. We need some drink”

 

******
“ you look tired Louis.. You need to sleep” Ben says
wearing his jacket, he looks at Harry too who is sitting in front of Louis on the restaurant table “you too.. You need rest and Harry you did a great job so stop thinking “

Harry smiles and then Ben and Louis talks a little then Ben leaves

Louis sighs “Harry.. Please stop”

Harry shakes his head “I screw up… I did. I will never forgive myself if you lost the case”

Louis holds his hand “no.. If I lost the case… then it’s because of me.. My disorder… me… not you”

“you will not lose the case for this.. You are a good father who is trying his best to control his rage… you have no idea how to live with someone who lose control Louis”

Louis keeps silent for few seconds then he says “I am sorry that you had to remember this way”

Harry looks at him and closes his eyes “ I never forget Louis.. I mean.. Everyday when I take my morning pill I remember.. But I don’t blame him.. I just feel sorry for him.. I feel sorry that he let go this easily.. He didn’t try”

“or maybe he tried a lot but he kept failing and.. He was scared yo hurt you again.. Harry you almost died.. Do you know how painc he was? “

“I know.. I know.. That’s why I wish he stayed… I wish we talked. I wanted to tell him I forgive him.. I am not angry at him.. That we needed him. I mean I loved Robin so fucking much but… he was my dad too”

Louis smiles “you are a good man Harry, that’s for sure. Now.. Let’s go and get some sleep okay? “

“yeah… I haven’t sleep last night”

“not again” Louis says angry

Harry giggles “ I couldn’t.. Zayn is sad.. His girlfriend broke up with him and he was feeling miserable “

“oh. I am sorry”

Harry stretches his body feeling pain shooting every cell “yeah.. He is so sad.. I have never seen him this way” then he stands up “ I am gonna use the loo”
And he walks away to the bathroom.

 

Harry is washing his hand after finishing his business when he hears “ how come you are this stupid Harry “
Harry looks behind him and there is Nick standing there glaring at Harry

Harry frowns “ what do you want? “

Nick shrugs “ open your eyes… he is using you”

“who? “

“him… doctor fucking Tomlinson… he is using you.. He told me himself he isn’t gay.. So why are you still with him”
Harry dries his hand and then he tosses the Kleenex in the bin “ non of your business “

He is leaving when Nick grasped his forearm “ he is using you.. I know about his son case.. Niall told me that you plays the main role there so he is using you.. He is manipulating you till he got what he wants.. He is not gay.. He will never be.. You deserve much better Harry from this”

Harry sits his hands free “ non of your business “

Then he leaves the bathroom.

He goes directly to the table, Louis is on the phone scrolling his Facebook

“Harry? “

Harry takes his jacket “ I need to go”

Louis stands up too “are you okay? “

Harry sighs and closes his Eyes “ have you talked to Niall about me? “

“what? “

“you and Niall? You mentioned me… you just want me for the case? “

“fuck “ Louis says

Harry looks at him “you did? “ then Louis sees Nick walking behind Harry

“it’s not like this… I had to”

“you had to? “

“Harry can we go to some place private? “

“my God… you know what.. I can’t tonight. I had enough stress that my heart is going to explode.. Let’s talk later”

Louis nods his head “okay.. I will give you the ride”

“no.. “

“Harry. It’s not what you think it is… so please.. Don’t. You need a ride.. I have the car. “

“my place isn’t far”

“I am not letting you go”

 

Harry huffs “fine”

The ride was so silent, Harry didn’t say a word, Louis also didn’t talk, he knew how angry a Harry was and he didn’t want to add more tension, he saw how pale harry looked and he didn’t want to bother him.

 

Once he stopped the car Harry jumped out of the car slamming the door really hard, Louis watched till Harry got inside his building then he left

Harry enters his flat still feeling so angry, he sees Zayn watching TV

 

“how did it go? “ Zayn asks but Harry ignores him and he walks to the kitchen.

Zayn says “ Harry… I am talking to you”

The Zayn hears sound of broken glasses. Then a thud
He mutes the TV “Harry? “ he calls

 

When he gets no answer he walks to the kitchen and there Harry is on the floor. Zayn sits beside him “what happened..what’s wrong? “

 

But harry is unconscious, he checks his chest but he hears nothing

 

“what the fuck… Harry.. Talk to me? “

 

He pats his cheek and he is panicking, he can’t think, he can’t talk, he is just crying

“oh God.. “

 

Harry does not move and the only thing Zayn can do now is running out of the kitchen to the living where his phone is, he picks it and he calls

 

“Louis… help.. Harry is not breathing.. “

Chapter Text

Louis thought he was a strong person, he had been through a lot, he lost his mother and his sister, he failed his marriage, and he works as a cardio surgeon.

He had seen a lot, he had been in lots and lots of critical times.. So yeah he believed he was strong. So when Zayn called him earlier and told him Harry wasn’t breathing, he didn’t panic. Instead he stopped his car fortunately he was still under the building doing some phone calls. And then he ran upstairs.
But when he saw how Harry looked he almost panicked. Harry was lying unconscious on the kitchen floor, his lips turned blue, his face was so pale and Zayn was sitting by him crying and trying to perform CPR.

 

Louis took Zayn’s position, he checked the pulse and the breathing, and everything around him was falling, if Louis wasn’t a doctor he would say Harry died, but because he was a doctor and he knows about Harry’s condition so he knew there was a chance. He asked Zayn to call an ambulance and he pressed Harry’s chest strongly trying not to lose hope, he cursed himself for not talking ever about Harry’s conditions, he never knew what exactly happened that night, he never knew what kind of surgeries Harry had, he knew nothing about his case and he felt guilty. Harry was upset earlier from him, he was exhausted and worried, Louis saw him few times trying to breath slowly, he saw him panicking inside the court and still he ignored it all and didn’t ask him what was happening.

The ambulance didn’t take long, it took him directly to his hospital where he and others tried to save him, to be honest he didn’t do much, he just stayed with Zayn waiting, he was waiting for him to wake up because he knew he wasn’t dying. He still doesn’t know what he did that made the other doctors push him out of the room, but he doesn’t care because one of the doctor comes out now sighing

“he is stable now”

Louis takes a long breath he was holding, “can I see him? “ Zayn said

The doctor looked at him “ and you are? “

“Zayn Malik, his friend “

The doctor looked at Louis, Louis nodded his head “he is his best friend and flatmate”

The doctor finally nods and calls a nurse was getting inside the waiting room “Maggie.. “

She walks towards them “ have you put Styles in his room? “

Maggie looks at Louis instead “yes.. Styles, Doctor Tomlinson friend? Yes we just did.. He is okay now but still sedated “

Louis nods his head “okay Maggie.. Take Mr. Malik to his room”

Maggie nods her head, “I will follow you” Louis tells Zayn, and then Zayn walks away

Louis looks at his friend “how bad is it? “

The doctor sighs “we stabled the heart, but we need to know the reasons for the atrial fibrillation.. We need to assess the damage. I read his file.. Did you know he was treated here three years ago? By you? “

Louis shakes his head “I keep hearing that, but I have no idea “

The doctors nods his head “ you need to read his file, it seems critical.. Read it and let’s talk about it” he looked at his watch “I have a surgery now.. We will talk later” the he walks away

Louis takes another deep breath, he rubs his face and then he walks towards Harry’s room.

****
Louis is in his office, he was talking with Harry’s doctor and they decided what to do with Harry, he needs an urgent surgery they will need to implant a pacemaker inside his heart to control his heart beat.

Louis can barely move his legs, he is very depressed and very shocked at the same time. He read the file and he read Harry’s medical history and it was very hard. Harry as a kid had a hard and critical history filled with hospitals and surgeries, his accident complications were tough on him and he wonders how harry can smile now after all he had seen.

Louis looks at his watch, Harry must is awake now, he takes his phone and he walks to him.

Before he opens the door he hears laughter, he knows that laugh.. That was Niall. Louis opens the door and Niall is there sitting in Harry’s bed beside his legs while Zayn is sitting at the chair next to Harry and his legs are on Harry’s bed

Harry is awake, lying in a sitting position, his face is pale, his hair is collected by a bandana Zayn must gave him, and he looks very weak but he is smiling.

“ hello doctor” Zayn suddenly says snapping Louis head from Harry

Harry looks at Louis and his smile faded a little
“come here Tommo.. You are our superman “

Louis looks at Niall confused while the other laughs. Louis walks to Harry “ how do you feel now? “

“I feel good” Harry answers with a smile, then he says “thanks for not bothering my family… thanks for understanding “

Louis smiles “ but we still need to talk about what will happen”

“nothing will happen.. Not for now”

Then Zayn stands up “ I really need some coffee. “

Niall laughs “me too.. Let’s go get some.. Do you need anything Harry? “

Harry smiles “ Ha ha ha… but thanks”

Louis watches till they leave the room, he then sits on the chair Zayn was sitting on, and he looked at Harry
“how do you really feel? “

Harry tries to take a deep breath but he winces “ really.. Like I was hit by a train”

Louis giggles “auch.. I am sorry “

Harry looks at him “ Zayn told me you saved my life”

Louis shrugs “I am a doctor.. That’s my job”

Harry nods in disappointing, Louis smiles “I would do it again.. I will do it whenever I can”

Harry looks at him, Louis says “ I am sorry “

Harry shakes his head “ don’t start please… “

“I did talked to Niall but it is not what you think”

“I know.. “

“Harry please let me talk, I mean.. I need to tell you. Because it was wrong not yo explain and then this happened.. "

 

“I know Niall told me, he told me you told him you were keeping me for the case but I am your friend “

Louis sighs “you are more than my friend Harry.. Don’t get us to zero point “

“I am not”

“you were mad”

Harry doesn't comment, Louis says “how did you know anyway? “

“I met Nick and he told me”

Louis takes a deep breath, Harry says “we are okay.. I am sorry I behaved this way but I guess I was too nervous.. I mean look what I have done to myself “

Louis looks at Harry then he leaves his seat and sits beside Harry on the bed “ I was talking with your doctor Harry, you need a surgery”

Harry closes his eye he doesn't look surprised instead he looks defeated , Louis continues “ you need to implant a pacemaker.. It is a small device that will control and regulate your heartbeat”

“ I know what it is.. But I can’t “

“ you can’t? “

Harry nods his head “ not now, I mean it can wait right.. For few month.. You have seen mom she can’t handle my surgery now, I can’t do this to her”

Louis sighs “Harry… “

“few months and we will talk about it.. I have a gallery too that I was working very hard for it and this surgery will make me cancel alot of things.. "

Louis sighs “ fuck Harry.. That’s scares me”

Harry rests his head and closes his eyes again “ please, it will be hard for all of us. Robin was always there for me during these times.. For the whole family. I need time to grieve him too”

Louis puts his hand on Harry’s, Harry opens his eyes and looks at him “ I know how hard it is to lose someone.. I lost people I love too.. It’s unfair right? “

Harry’s tears falls freely, Louis smiles “ okay.. We will postpone the surgery but on one condition “

Harry wipes his tears with the hand of the cannula and frowns, Louis hardly can move his eyes away from. Harry's hand says “ you will come and live with me”

Harry doesn’t talk he looks through his fingers at Louis, but Louis hears his heartbeats going crazy, Louis says hastily “ calm down… just to watch over you… means nothing.. I mean it will mean everything for me if it means something.. I mean fuck Harry calm down”

Harry giggles, Louis watches him and then watches the machine again his heart wasn’t going down but at least he is laughing

Louis sighs “ I want to keep you under my eyes, you need someone to take care of you. No offence but Zayn can barely take care of himself”

Harry sighs “ I can’t “

“ Harry… for few weeks.. Till you get better. It is that or I will make you stay at the hospital you choose”

Harry whimpers “ I can’t leave Zayn. He just broke up with his girlfriend and he is having such a hard time”

Louis shakes his head in disbelief “ despite how important that is but it’s your health we are talking about, Zayn is very welcomed to come too”

Harry smiles “ Louis.. It is not really that important.. “

“it is Harry it is. You need a surgery cause your heart is at risk of sudden cardiac arrest, you can’t ever stay alone, you need people to take care of you, me Barbra and Philip are the one for this.. You must understand how serious your case is”

“ I know how serious my case is Louis” it is when Louis notices how hard he sounds

“ I am worried about you.. I just want you safe” he says softly

Harry takes deep breath “ I didn’t want it to be this way” he looks at Louis “ I want things between us to be normal”

Louis frowns “ ever since we met and nothing between us is normal Harry, but I don’t care I am just happy we are together… I thought you died Harry.. I thought I lost you and that is the worst feeling I could ever feel”

Harry is still looking at him, Louis takes his hand “ I know you want baby steps and everything.. And I am okay with it… as long as we are together nothing matters to me”

Harry smiles shyly that his cheeks turn red and he looks town, but Louis lifts his chin and smiles “ I want you by my side and I want to take care of you.. Would you please let me? “

Slowly harry nods his head and Louis looks at his lips, he wants those lips between his he wants to feel Harry and yo breath him, he gets so closer and Harry closes his eyes then… the door is opened

“ er… did I interrupt anything? “

Harry giggles and Louis looks at Zayn “ yes Zayn you did”

Zayn looks anxious and rubs his head “ I.. I can come later”

Louis laughs and said “ I am just kidding come here”

Then he stands and looks at Harry “we will talk later” a harry smiles and nods his head

And then Louis leaves the room.

When Harry looks at Zayn, Zayn was looking at him smirking, Harry sighs and Zayn sits beside him
“you will talk later? “

Harry giggles “yup.. “

“why? “

“he wants me to stay with him.. In his house? “

Zayn opens his mouth surprised, Harry smiles “it is not like that ”

“he is asking you to move in..”

“not like in this way… he wants to watch over me”

Zayn raises a brow waiting, Harry sighs “ okay, don’t freak out”

“fuck”

“don’t… I haven’t said anything “

“but that sounds bad. Right? “ he says panicking

Harry sighs “god.. “

“just spell it”

“I need a Surgery” harry says

Zayn looks at him and then he nods his head and looks down, Harry says “ I asked him to not to do it”

Zayn snaps his head up to him, “ not now” Harry adds
Zayn shakes his head but keeps silent

“ you know with mom and what she is passing through.. So I asked him to postpone it for few months.. And since he is my doctor.. Or I don’t know if he is my doctor or not.. But he asks me to stay with him”

“good” finally Zayn says

“Zayn.. I don’t want to.. I tried to explain.. “ Harry whimpers

“why not? “

“I don’t want to leave you alone”

“are you kidding me? I mean I hate you leaving but staying with a doctor.. Not any doctor a doctor who knows your condition is a lot safer. Harry I didn’t know what to do.. I was too scared and I thought you.. “ he looks down and closes his eyes and whispers “I thought you died”

Harry puts his hand on Zayn “ I am okay, I am alive okay? “

Zayn looks at him and tries to smile “ I want you to stay alive Harry as long as it takes “

Harry smiles and nods his head then he asks “ so is it okay with you? “

“can I visit you? “

“he told me any time you wants”

He then smiles “then it is fine with me”
*****

Harry opens his eyes, he is still in the hospital, it is late at night and he doesn’t know why he is awake now, then he hears

“yes.. I am sure he is okay. Not Barb I am not his doctor.. “ then he giggles “ because I can’t be his doctor.. I am his boyfriend.. Or that what I like to think.. But trust me he is in a good hands”

Louis is talking on the phone with Barbra, he is sitting at the corner of the room talking very low but Harry still wakes up despite the room is very dark only small light comes from the lamp beside Louis’ chair

“he is sleeping now.. No Babra I know because I am in the room with him… it’s my hospital I can be wherever I want.. No I am not making any noises to wake him up” he was screaming-whisper and Harry bits Louis is rolling his eyes “okay… okay I told him to come with me when he leaves the hospital” he sighs “I don’t know.. He hasn’t answered me yet”

Harry can’t hold his laugh anymore, so he giggles and Louis notices him “ shit Barbara I think I wake him up.. OK.. OK bye”

He leaves his chair and he wakes to Harry, he stops beside the bed “Harry? “

“I am awake”

Louis sighs “I woke you up”

“no.. Can you open the light? “

Louis opens the lamp beside Harry which gives not so bright light

“ so romantic “ Harry giggles

Louis looks at him and smiles, he sits by him on the bed, Harry asks rubbing his eyes “since when I am sleeping? “

Louis shrugs “I don’t know. I am here two hours ago and you were sleeping “

“two hours? Why didn’t you wake me up? “

Louis smiles “you need all the rest Harry. I couldn’t wake you up”

Harry takes a deep breath, Louis asks “how do you feel? “

“I am really okay, when can I leave? “

“just another day.. We need to make sure you are really stable “

“okay”

“so.. You are coming? “

“ on one condition “

“anything “

Harry looks at Louis on the eyes “promise me to be there.. “

Louis giggles “well that’s the point.. If you come.. I am gonna take few days out to watch over you”

“no” harry frowns

“it’s not like I am doing this for you.. Well I do.. But I need to, I need some days for me.. I need to think of.. The custody case.. Freddy”

“oh shit.. How is he? I haven’t been asking about him “

Louis smiles “he hasn’t stop asking about you.. He loves you Harry so much. I didn’t want to tell him you are in the hospital I know he will be so worried, and he is okay.. Actually if he improves on the same level he can comes home next week"

Harry smiles and nods his head, he rests his head on the pillow “ did I ruin your case? “

“stop saying this… you didn’t.. Actually I feel so angry at myself for putting you through this.. I mean look what I did to you “

Harry frowns “ this has nothing… “

“Harry.. I put you through stress. The hearing took a different turn. The lawyer opened an old scars.. And I am so sorry… I know it triggered something “

Harry takes his hand “I will do it again. And again.. I want the best for Freddy.. And for you”

Louis looks at his hand and then he kisses Harry’s hand “ I am really happy you are okay Harry”

Harry nods his head “ thanks Louis… thanks for saving my life”

He is going to talk again but Louis lips stop him, Harry giggles but he kisses back. They both need this kiss and they both are happy to finally have it.

 

Louis says when he pulls back “ I was dying for this”

 

Harry smiles “yeah.. Tastes good”

Louis kisses his lips again, then Harry looks at him “ Louis.. Are you ready for this? “

 

Louis smiles and nods “I am.. Yeah.. I am so ready for this”