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The Thing About Youth Culture

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April knows what's going on right away -- it's not like it takes a rocket scientist to figure it out. Ben thinks he's being super sneaky, but he told Andy that he likes Leslie, which Andy obviously told April immediately, and then like a week later Ben is suddenly super happy and mooning around the house whenever he's there, which isn't often, because he's gone, like, five nights out of six, just coming home to get fresh clothes. And at work Leslie's all happy and gross too and they both keep disappearing for hours during the work day, and, like, April's not an idiot, okay?

"Babe, how long should I microwave this oatmeal for?" Andy says one morning when they wake up and Ben's not there, as usual.

"I don't know, what does it say on the package?" April says, eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of one of the stupid bowls Ben made them buy. It tasted better out of a frisbee, but whatever. "Also, hey, how long do you think Ben's been fucking Leslie?"

Andy chokes on the terrible coffee April made -- she can never seem to get it to work without, like, grinds floating around in it. "Come on," he says once he stops sputtering. "Ben's not..." but he trails off, brain finally engaging. April waits for him to get there. "Oh my God," Andy says a minute later. "Ben's totally fucking Leslie."

"Yeah, for, like, weeks," April says. "It's super disgusting."

So it's not like April doesn't notice a few weeks later when Leslie dumps Ben. Not that she or Andy knows why it happens, but suddenly Ben comes down with some mysterious "illness" that means he can't go to work for days, even though his symptoms mostly seem to be sitting around looking sad. He lies on the couch all day with dark circles under his eyes, watching Judge Judy and -- whenever April walks into the room -- pretending that he hasn't been crying. He doesn't leave the house anymore either, no sleepovers, no nothing. It's kind of hilarious at first, and then it starts bumming April out.

"I feel like Ben's going to kill himself," April says to Andy while he's playing Xbox. Ben is showering for the first time in forever. "One day we're going to come home and his body will be, like, dangling from the ceiling fan."

"Ewwwwwwwwwww," Andy says, but enjoying the gross-out, like when she's chewing her lunch and opens her mouth to show it to him. But after a second he sobers up suddenly. "Wait, that's totally not funny. He might actually do that. He is super depressed or whatever."

"Yeah," April says. "I think we should cheer him up."

So April ends up blowing Ben. It's not that big a deal. Andy's right there in the room with them, and it's not like he cares -- it would suck for both of them if Ben killed himself, so it's, like, a public service. Plus Andy thinks it's hot. He gets all hard watching them, even though he pretends he doesn't, and afterwards April takes him back into their bedroom and crawls on top of him, already super wet from Ben's cock in her mouth. It's pretty much a fulfilling experience for everyone involved, since April's super good at blowjobs. She and stupid gay Ben used to have contests to see who could suck Derek off the fastest.

And it cheers non-gay Ben up for a little bit, so he manages to go in to work the next day, but it turns out work is a major setback. That night he looks worse than he has since the secret breakup presumably happened, all pale and drawn, and it really is making April super nervous.

"Why did Leslie dump you?" April asks, sitting on the couch next to Ben. He's watching Andy play video games, but he looks like he's staring through the TV set. Which makes sense since there's nothing more boring than watching someone else play video games.

Ben jumps and looks panicky. "Leslie didn't -- we weren't -- I don't know what you're talking --" he starts, but when April just stares at him he abruptly gives up on the denial. He sighs and slumps back against the couch. "Whatever. Okay. Who cares. Yeah, she dumped me. It's, uh... we're not allowed to date coworkers. And she's running for City Council now."

"Oh," April says. She pulls her feet up to sit cross-legged on the couch, turning so she can stare at Ben. "That's a dumb rule."

"Yeah," Ben says. "It is." He's still staring at the television, where Andy is jumping on some koopas.

"You want another blowjob?" April says.

Ben winces, rubbing his forehead. "No," he says. "Thanks, though."

"You liked the other one," April says. "And you look worse today."

"Yeah, well," Ben mutters. "Seeing her was... not fun."

April stares at him for a full minute without saying anything, trying to assess whether he looks like they should hide the razor blades. Ben starts shifting irritably after awhile, even though he's looking at the TV and not at her. "Are you going to kill yourself?" April says.

"What?" Ben says. He looks at her like she's crazy. "Jesus. No."

"Okay, well," April says. "Whatever. You're on suicide watch. You're not allowed to be alone."

Ben rolls his eyes and laughs a little. "Um, okay. Are you going to take my belt away, too?" Oh, that's a good idea, actually. When he sees the look on her face, he says, "You're not taking my belt!" God, he's so bossy. He's the bossiest roommate she's ever had.

Bossy or not, she enforces the never-alone thing. If he's not going to take a blowjob to cheer him up, he's just going to have to be observed at all times. Her friend Evangeline killed herself, okay, it's not cool. So she drags Ben along to sleep on the futon with her and Andy, even though Ben's grumbling the whole time.

"Shut up," she says, pulling the comforter up over all of them. The futon is wider than Ben's bed, so they all fit better, but it's still pretty tight, her smashed between Ben and Andy. It's nice, actually. She and the other Ben and Derek used to sleep like this, limbs tangled together. And this Ben turns out to be kind of cuddly sleeper -- she thinks he must've been lonely, all these nights without Leslie.

**

April wakes up to Andy pressing his erection against her back. Someday that'll probably be annoying, but these days it stupidly turns her on, that Andy wants her that much every single morning. She rolls over to look at his bleary face and smiles at him. "Morning," Andy says. His eyes are barely open, and she pulls him on top of her happily, the same way they've done it every morning since the wedding. They just get their pajama pants down far enough to get at their junk, and he slides into her easily, her already wet for him, sleepy morning sex without kissing, because she hasn't brushed her teeth yet and that's gross. Andy's rocking inside her gently, and she's moving her hips against his, and it's slow and drowsy and awesome, and she loves him so much.

"Oh my God," Ben says from the other side of her. "Are you guys seriously having sex right now?" He sounds really sleepy and out of it and also horrified, and oh fuck, Ben is still here. She forgot.

"Whoops," she says.

"God," Andy says, stopping moving for a second. April makes a whiney whimper, but he ignores her, holding totally still. April feels like she's going to explode. "Sorry, dude, I forgot you were there."

When April looks over, Ben's rubbing his forehead, hair sticking out every which way, and he's definitely not totally awake yet either, eyes half-shut. "Oh, good," he says. "That's normal." But he yawns in the middle of the sentence, so it doesn't sound as sarcastic as he would usually make that.

Andy starts moving inside her again, which is a good thing, because April was about to lose it. "Man, I'm so sorry, but we can't stop," Andy says, panting for breath. "It'll just be a second."

"Great," Ben says. "Fantastic." He sounds like he wants to kill both of them.

April rolls her eyes at him. "Whatever," she says breathlessly as Andy starts to move inside her faster. Ben's face is weirdly close to hers, just on the next pillow. "It's not like you're involved. It could be way weirder."

"Oh, really," Ben says, totally not making eye-contact, like it's too embarrassing, and she expects him to get up -- he starts to, lifting his head off the pillow, but then he yawns again and rubs at his eyes, dropping his head back down. He looks exhausted and off-guard, all his normal sharpness relaxed and vulnerable.

"Yeah, you could be helping me get off," she says, and jokingly grabs his hand, pulling it toward her and Andy.

She moves slow enough that Ben could get away if he wanted -- she's mostly kidding around, obviously, and she really expects him to jerk away. But he doesn't, and then she can't back down once she's started. Ben mutters, "Jesus," and stares at her like he's mesmerized, letting her move his hand between her and Andy's bodies to press against her clit.

He looks vaguely like he thinks he might be dreaming, eyes wide and turned on. He's got to be able to feel how wet she is, how their fingers are grazing Andy's cock as it shoves into her, and God, that feels amazing. She can't believe she's actually doing this, his fingers big and warm against her. She presses them down harder and between that and Andy fucking her, she comes in like five seconds, her breath catching, only letting one little noise out. Ben's watching her. Her face feels hot.

"Oh, man," Andy mutters, and fucks her faster, his movements getting stuttery as he starts to come inside her, making that stupid contorted face he makes when he does, and she can't help smiling at him. He slumps on top of her, lazy comforting dead weight, and beside them, April can see that Ben's hard. She lets go of Ben's hand and he pulls it back dazedly, looking at his slick fingers like he can't believe that just happened.

Andy props himself up again, looking down at her. "Hon," he says. "Awesome as usual. You are the best at sex stuff." He puts up his hand for a high-five and she slaps it, trying not to smile. Andy kisses her loudly on the cheek and rolls off her, and beside them, Ben is still staring at his hand.

"Andy," April says. "Ben's hard."

"Oh yeah?" Andy says, lying on his back, still catching his breath. "You should help him out with that, sweetheart. He's all depressed and stuff."

"Um," Ben says, but April's already rolling toward him, reaching for his crotch.

"C'mon, Ben," April says, rubbing her hand against his cock through the fabric of his sweats. "You'll feel better after."

Probably a few months ago, Ben wouldn't have done this, but now he looks defeated and lonely, and when April moves her hand on his cock again, he closes his eyes, and the circles under them look darker than usual. April wonders if he's been sleeping.

"Okay," he mumbles, and April tucks the waistband of his pajamas down just far enough to get his cock out. It's nice, short and fat, hot in her hand, and she thinks for a second about whether she just wants to jerk him off, or go down on him again, and then she's just already so wet and stretched that she suddenly decides to take it further, sliding one leg over his hips and slipping him inside her easily. She knows he can feel that she's already slick with Andy's come, and Ben's eyes go wide, feeling her tight and hot around him, so wet he slides all the way in in one movement.

"April," Ben says, breathless, and she starts to move on him slowly, the same easy, sleepy sex she just had with Andy. She glances over to see her husband watching, eyes half-lidded, looking like he's going to fall asleep again. They're all going to be late for work.

Ben comes with a soft, sad noise, and they all ride in to the office together and none of them talk about it. Andy sings them the new song he's writing. Ben doesn't say much of anything.

**

They keep doing stuff the three of them after that, even though they never exactly discuss it. Ben sleeps in their bed, and April thinks he seems relieved not to have to go in his sad empty room by himself at night. He sleeps with his head nuzzled up against the back of her neck, and he seems like he's getting through the days better.

And the sex is super hot. Ben's really good at it, probably because he's all old and stuff. He goes down on her for ages, and can fuck her for way longer than Andy can, and sometimes he and Andy get all competitive about it and April ends up exhausted and fucked out and sore and it's the best thing that's ever happened to her. It's weird to be with two guys who are more into her than they are into each other.

One night Ben's out at some community forum thing, and so April and Andy have a date night, which means cuddling up on the couch and putting on some super dirty porn, which Ben doesn't usually let them watch in the living room anymore. They make fun of the fake sex noises, and talk about which positions they should try, and April jerks Andy off and then Andy fingers her enthusiastically, hand stretching out her underwear. The girl in the porn sucks one dude off, then fucks another one for awhile, then fucks the first one again, and then both dudes fuck her at once, one in the ass and one in the vag. April comes hard around Andy's fingers right as the cock goes in the girl's butt.

"Fuck," she says, gasping, watching the girl's asshole get stretched out, watching her take two cocks at once. "Um, we should try that."

**

April's on top of Ben, moving her hips slowly as Andy kisses the back of her neck. Ben looks overwhelmed whenever she rides him like this, which always makes her feel kind of smug, and he's got a hand on her boob, rolling her nipple between his fingers. She has learned from this whole thing that Ben likes boobs, like, a lot. He's always touching hers. She's got one of her hands braced on his chest, and out of the corner of her eye she can see Andy going for the lube, just like they planned.

Ben sees Andy moving and turns his head casually to look, but when he sees the lube he does an actual double take. It's pretty hilarious. If he were a cartoon character his eyes would be bugging out of his head. "Whoa," he says, putting a hand up. "What is -- what are you doing?"

"We," Andy says, his voice with that over-precision it gets when he's saying something fancy, "are going to try some DP action. Right, babe?"

"Yep," April says.

Ben turns his freaked-out look on her. "Um... are you, um, sure you want to do that?"

Why wouldn't she want to? She stares at him. "Yeah," she says. "Why?"

She's not moving anymore, and Ben squirms underneath her for a second before he tries to hold still, attempting to maintain his dignity. "Um, because it seems like it would hurt?"

"Oh no," Andy says, getting his fingers all lubed up. "Don't worry. We researched it. On the internet."

"Oh, well, if you researched it on the internet," Ben says in that mean dry tone he has, and April pinches his arm, hard. "Ow!" Ben says, twisting in this way that pushes his cock farther into her. April lets out this really embarrassing moan before she can stop herself, and Ben smirks before he can stop himself.

"Okay, babe," Andy says, totally ignoring them and putting one hand on her back. "Like, lean forward."

April shifts, planting both hands on Ben's chest and leaning down into him, so her breasts brush the little bit of wiry chest hair he has. Ben still looks dubious, but he's moved his hands to her hips, and he's still rocking into her gently, just slow, easy strokes. His dumb vanilla face, all nervous about doing stuff like this, she can't stand it. He probably thinks he's so edgy for even having a threeway. She kisses the corner of his mouth and he looks startled, but then kisses her back. She guesses the two of them don't kiss that much.

Andy's slick finger starts circling her asshole, and God, she didn't know that could be so weirdly sexy. She's getting even more turned on, aware of that whole area, and Andy keeps pressing the tip in just a little, then going back to circling, teasing her, and God, it feels strange and good. After the third time he does it, she pulls back from kissing Ben and says, "Andy, Godddddddd."

Andy laughs and says, "Okay, okay, here it goes," and then he's pressing his finger in for real. It feels super weird at first, and doesn't want to go in, but then she makes herself relax the way they read about, and it slides right in, all slick and easy. And God, it feels so weird with Ben in there too, like Andy's fingers and Ben's cock are right up against each other, so much more pressure inside.

"Oh fuck," Ben says, and he's breathing super hard and looks really freaked out.

"Can you feel that?" April says, moving down on his cock and Andy's finger both at the same time, and Ben's eyes widen even more.

"Um, uh huh," he says, like he's trying to act normal when he doesn't feel normal at all, and God, he's such a dork. Andy moves his finger inside April, so it's like he's stroking down Ben's cock inside her, through the flesh separating them, and it makes her and Ben both wiggle, startled and turned on, and geez, she feels so full and wet, Andy fingering her like this while Ben fucks her.

"Is that okay?" Andy says, rubbing her back at the same time as he starts to finger-fuck her ass slowly, and God, it feels good.

"Y-yeah," she says, trying not to let on how amazing it is, and Andy kisses her shoulder.

After a little bit, the one finger doesn't feel so huge anymore, and Andy starts to work a second finger in, stretching her out. It feels so much bigger, Andy's long fingers, and she shivers as he does it, spreading her legs a little wider and trying to relax.

"You okay?" Ben says. He reaches up a hand and brushes hair back from her face, and he looks really worried about her. He's got to be able to feel Andy's fingers, how much that is with his cock taking up all the room, and she feels so tiny pressed between the two of them.

"Yeah, totally," April says, and her voice only shakes a little. "I can take it."

"You're doing so good, babe," Andy says, and presses his fingers in deep, so she gasps. Ben keeps stroking her temple with his thumb, trying to relax her. She can't concentrate on anything but how it all feels, Ben holding still now but his cock huge and thick inside her, Andy's fingers making both of them shift every time he presses them in.

Andy keeps fingering her, being really careful getting her ready, but after awhile she's just frustrated, so turned on, wanting to get on with it. She finally says, "Andy, Andy, c'mon," and Andy takes a breath in.

"You sure?" he says.

"Um, yeah?" she says, a little sharper than she means to, but God, just, she needs him to put his cock in, she's going crazy here.

When she glances back at him, Andy grins suddenly, looking really happy. "Yeah, okay, all right," he says, like a big puppy dog, and he goes to work his fingers out. She turns back to kiss Ben just to distract herself, and he starts fondling her boob again, which is another good distraction. She feels so weirdly empty as Andy's fingers pull out, her asshole all stretched and pornographic feeling, and then she can hear slick noises as Andy lubes up his cock.

"Jesus," Ben mutters underneath her, and she tries not to smile at him. It looks like this is totally blowing his mind, which is pretty satisfying, all things considered. It makes her feel more in control to see Ben so alarmed, since it means at least someone here is more freaked out than she is.

Andy crawls around behind her, bracing himself with a hand on her back and positioning himself so his cock can get into her. April looks down between her legs really fast and can see Ben's cock stretching her out, and a flash of Andy's behind her, and just, it's still weird to be doing this -- even though they've all three done a lot of stuff together, they've never done anything this intense. The head of Andy's cock nudges against her asshole, where it's soft and stretched now, and the tip catches, spreading her open. It's bigger than his fingers, sort of terrifying to feel, and April takes a sharp breath in without meaning to.

Ben looks worried again, staring up at her. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he says.

"Shut up," April says, and drops her forehead down to his shoulder, not wanting him to look at her anymore. Andy hasn't even really started to press in yet and it's already overwhelming, but God, she wants to do this.

Ben kisses the side of her head, and Andy rubs the small of her back, and then he starts to push forward, and God, it's so much. She tries to breathe evenly, relax, and it's okay, she can do it. Ben kisses her temple again and then nudges her face up so their foreheads are pressed together, kissing her gently and keeping his hand on the back of her neck. "You okay?" he says, and she nods, not quite sure she trusts her voice not to shake all over the place. "You're brave," he says, soft, like he means it, and Andy presses forward a little more, stretching her out.

She can feel both their cocks inside her, throbbing, rubbing together with barely anything between them, and she knows they have to be able to feel each other, and God, that's so weird. Usually when they're doing stuff Ben and Andy don't really touch each other -- sometimes April will goad them into making out, but not even that often. But right now they both seem so turned on, and their cocks are almost touching and rubbing inside her, and God, this is so gay.

Andy keeps pressing in, and jeez, when did his cock get so big? She swears it's never felt this long before, but it keeps going deeper and she has to squirm around, trying to get comfortable. As she moves, Ben makes a little noise, and then he presses his hand against her clit, starting to rub it gently. And oh God, that feels crazy with both of them inside her, turns her on so much, and makes her relax so Andy can push another inch inside, impaling her deep. She can't believe she has two cocks inside her right now, that they both fit in there, that she's taking all that. She breathes carefully, trying to stay relaxed, then finally, finally, with one more push Andy's all the way in, pressed against her back, and he and Ben are both holding still and it's so intense.

"Okay?" Andy says, and now his voice sounds shaky, and she wonders what it feels like for him, if the pressure is crazy good, how tight it is, how Ben's right there.

She's so turned on, full and wet and open, just wanting them to move. "Yeah," she says, and shifts her hips experimentally so both their cocks slide a little out of her, then back in, and they both make weird desperate noises and fuck, that feels so odd. "You can, um," she says, doing it again. "Move."

Since Ben's under both of them, he can't fuck into her very well, so it's mostly Andy who does, moving out slowly and carefully and then pressing back in faster, so it slides April along Ben's cock too, like Andy's fucking Ben by proxy. As they go Andy starts to get more into the groove of it, picking up the pace, and underneath her, Ben's face is red and he's breathing hard, his body pressed against April's, their faces close together.

"Andy's fucking us good, huh?" April says to him, dirty and quiet.

Ben looks shocked, her whispering stuff like that in his ear. "Jesus," he mutters, eyes wide, and his cock twitches inside her, getting harder, and God, one of these days she's going to get Andy to fuck him for real, that would be so hot. He looks completely undone right now, but he's still managing to rub her clit just the way she likes, and really, he's taken to all this pretty well for someone who's always so buttoned up.

She has to drop her head back to Ben's shoulder, closing her eyes and focusing on her body, how crazy this feels, how Andy's fucking her relentlessly, bumping her along Ben's cock and into Ben's fingers, their two cocks pressing against each other inside her, and God, she's getting so close. She moans and tries to move so Ben's cock is hitting that one good spot inside her, so Andy's shoving her into it, and then she gets it just right and oh God. She makes a totally embarrassing noise, and her whole body is blushing, and she feels so keyed up and overwhelmed.

"You gonna come for us?" Ben says, his voice low, and her eyes fly open, because Ben hardly ever says anything like that. He looks like he barely knows he's saying it, like he's totally lost track of himself. "Come on, April," he says, looking up at her all intense, staring right into her eyes. "You can do it."

She can't look away from him, totally caught up, and he grinds the palm of his hand against her, and suddenly she's coming harder than she ever has, shuddering around the two of them, the ripples of it feeling even stronger than usual with both of them inside her. "Fuck," she mutters shakily as she does, her breath catching, and Ben looks ridiculously pleased with himself. Andy keeps thrusting through it, groaning and making the desperate little noises he makes when he's about to come too, and they're all so close to each other, Ben looking up at April like she's amazing, Andy's cock pistoning in and out of her, fucking through her orgasm. Andy starts coming after just a few more thrusts, and underneath her Ben has that dumb open expression on his face that he gets when he's about to go over the edge, and April leans down to kiss him, still clenching around his cock as Andy comes in her ass. When she kisses him Ben shoves his hips forward involuntarily and comes too, making a stupid helpless noise into her mouth, and she's in the middle of all of it, sweaty and overwhelmed, Andy kissing her shoulders and the back of her neck.

It takes them awhile to come down from it, lying in a hot sticky pile, unable to move, their breathing loud in the quiet room. "Oh my God, babe," Andy says eventually. His voice is all raw and he has to clear his throat. "Oh my God, um, yeah."

He shifts, pulling his cock out of her so he can flop down beside them, draping his arm over his eyes. April's still collapsed on Ben's chest, and Ben's got his eyes closed, softening inside her. April turns her head so her cheek is resting against Ben's shoulder and she's looking at Andy. "Yeah, um, that was okay," she says, and under her cheek Ben laughs, an I-can't-believe-that-happened-and-also-it-was-more-than-okay laugh. He actually laughs that laugh kind of a lot lately.

"Shut up," April says, hitting Ben's arm halfheartedly, and wanting to close her eyes, feeling drowsy. Beside her, it looks like Andy's already on the verge of falling asleep.

"I didn't say anything," Ben says, and yawns, and she tucks her face into his neck. She must go to sleep after that because it's the last thing she remembers.