A Midnight Talk
“Come and rescue me from the chains bind my soul,
And the words entangle my heart.
That I’m alone but it’s too hard to admit it out loud.”
The vast firmament and the constellations filled the ultramarine sky, beyond the ocean, so close to the horizon. The wind was blowing and the ship was sailing, far away in the distance, disappearing into the darkness. The night whispered a longing song for the light. It caused the souls to shiver and howl a melody, piercing through the lonely and somber night, saying that it was the right time to have a deep talk.
The blanket was covering almost everything, keeping away the coldness to seep inside what was hidden underneath it. And the warmth emitted from the contact of skin to skin, giving a sense of security that one wouldn’t be afraid to go through this life. Xiao Zhan was observing the figure lying beside him, Wang Yibo, his eyes were wide open, staring at the ceiling. His fingers were roaming, trying to find his waist and bringing it closer, snuggling in his bosom.
He was holding some paper and pen, in the dim of light, with the window opened and the breeze was blowing gently. The sky was painted more than just the word beautiful, it was ethereal, the best at this hour. And the stars were hanging in the wide cosmos, emanating the light that made the darkness tremble. It sent a melancholic feeling and the blue mingled into one – the sky, the sea, and his heart, they became words.
The words burst in disarray, scattering from one's mind and the papers couldn't hold, the agony that they bore. Sometimes, they were kindness and happiness, and most of the time, they were pain and confusion. Yet, they remained as the purest confession that human was in awe for the paradoxes lying within them. Because they were written for the purpose of hiding everything, not revealing even one tiny bit of the truth, yet it was the truest part existing in human’s life. The night went deeper, and the words became tangled but they were delirious, intoxicated by the honesty that 3 am brought along.
Xiao Zhan liked to write, beside drawing and painting, writing was something he enjoyed very much. It was poems, that was what people said. Pouring his feeling, so it didn’t suffocate him, it was not poems, he wanted to say that, just a way that he found to be able to breathe properly. Because it felt painful, smiling, and putting façade, suppressing his voice so it wouldn’t cause him harm. Smiling, telling the whole world that he was fine and happy. Hiding the scars, so he wouldn’t be hurt more. Years and he had perfected the art of masking his own feeling. It was age wish, perhaps, that stopped him to break down and bawl in the middle of the night. So, he found himself being honest, in the words that he wrote, that probably was the only time. Sometimes, or most of the time, he dreamed of someone unearthing his façade, tearing apart his persona, and taking down his mask. Staying still and being here, reassuring that this world would never collapse if he didn’t present his smile. So, he could breathe properly not only in this hour, but every day, every hour, every minute, every second.
Probably, it was curiosity or an act of care that made the figure beside him waking up from his position. Yibo leaned his jaw on his shoulder, wrapping his hands around his waist, staring at his papers. The younger hadn’t stopped observing, the moment he took his papers from the cabinet, his eyes kept trailing on him subtly, and Xiao Zhan noticed the way he frowned and acted like he didn’t care but in truth he cared for it, so much that it made him overwhelmed. And he asked him a question, wondering while flipping those papers, that were so close to be blown away, both by the wind and the sentiment.
"Are you weeping?" His warm breath tickled his neck, sending a shiver to his backbone. A feeling that made him feel content.
"Through words? Then, maybe." It didn't take long to register the sentence, and he looked away, staring at the limitless blue firmament.
It was serene, the tranquillity that kept their souls intact. The new day had started, even when the darkness still engulfed everything. "But, they are engraved, forever."
"As a reminder." And Yibo gazed at him, with the corner of his eyes. It was difficult to see, but it was there, trying to find a meaning hidden beneath his calm ocean.
"More like a proof." The point had been made, discerning the mist, unravelling the truth, diving into the depth of it.
"It can be both." Xiao Zhan looked at him in eyes, the universe was unreachable and it was inevitable, for his words finally to be deemed. Yet, was is true? It was the question.
So, he sought for more, for more meaning of understanding. And the silence almost killed him, as if, it wanted his words to die. Withering when the hope began to rise and the ray of the sun basked in this room, revealing the ugly part of himself. "That you are vulnerable?"
His lips were drawn slightly. It was an audible whisper but the warmth that embraced him, giving a sole reason to admit, to answer; "Yes, perhaps."
And his words were there, that he wanted to drown them to the deepest of the abyss and throw them into the oblivion, so they didn't find a way back to crawl in this place. That, he, hadn’t yet come in peace with this hour. So, let the ink fade and the papers crumble, and he would still find arms to lay down. Yibo tightened his hug, and there was no place to run away, filling his heart and the night became bearable.
“I’m here, Ge.” It was all he needed to hear, to survive when his own world was about to explode that he cupped the younger’s cheeks and sent a kiss to his forehead. It was home, mending every piece that broke apart. And it was his destination, illuminating the darkness so his ship would keep on sailing. It was his lodestar and he found his reason to live, redressing all grievances and he was able to beam a sincere smile, facing this world and his own axis was next to him.