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i guess this is goodbye

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Izuku was tired. So so tired. But he had to push through for Kacchan, for his ex-best friend. He had to show Kacchan that he was better, that he was okay. This was his last show in Japan, the last time he'd see Kacchan for awhile. So he had to make it count. No matter how tired he was. He took a bit of modafinil to wake himself up. He grabs his guitar, takes a deep breath and prepares himself. Intermission will be over in about five minutes. A couple of songs left and he would be gone, for a long time. 

"Deku you ready?" Uraraka all but shouts. Which does nothing to calm his growing nerves. Her smile is bright enough to rival his usual one. "You're gonna kill it! I just know you are!" One would think that her excitement would rub off on him but it just made even more nervous. 

"Midoriya, intermission is over." Ilda peeks into the dressing room. Izuku responds with a slight nod. He bounces on his toes and flashes Uraraka his million-watt smile.

"Let's do this!" The crowd cheers as he runs onto the stage his green hair bouncing with him. "Are you guys enjoying yourself so far?!" All he gets are unintelligible shouts as a response. "So, this next song is a little slower. I wrote it when I came to terms with my feelings for someone but unfortunately, I was a little late. Without further ado, I present 'i think you're really cool'!" 

A voicemail plays over the speakers, Izuku is heard speaking.

Hey, it's, it's just me again and I.. I wanted to call you, and share a song that I'm working on, but I... I guess you're busy so call me back when you get a chance.. ah..yeah; huh...
I love you, bye

Izuku then begins to strum his guitar an unreadable emotion on his face. His eyes find Katsuki's in an instant out of habit, but it's just a reminder that Katsuki isn't alone this time. He has Eijirou or E as Katsuki likes to call him. Izuku shifts his gaze somewhere else. He locks eyes with some sleep-deprived kid with wild purple hair. He flashes a small smile. The boy blushes at the attention but keeps his eyes locked with Izuku.

This song brings on the weather, teardrops upon my sweater

I cry in bed whenever, I see you guys together

Then his gaze shifts back to Katsuki. This time Katsuki looks him in the eye and all is right, or as right as it could be. Izuku doesn't know why he feels this way, he knows that it's wrong but what did Eijirou have that he doesn't? Why didn't Kacchan choose him? 

Fuck love it's all a lie, I, can't sleep I'd rather die

Than see that look in your eye

It sucks that I'm not your guy, but

Izuku being the emotional person he is, feels tears pricking at his eyes. Why was he not enough for Kacchan? He tore his gaze from the blond and instead focused on a pair of heterochromatic eyes. The soft smile on the other boy's face calmed Izuku, helped him will his tears away. Performing this song was harder then he thought it would be.

I think you're really cool like
I think you're really cool like
Yeah, I think you're really cool like
Yeah, I think you're really cool like

Growing up Izuku repeated those words countless times. 'So cool Kacchan! You're really cool! That was really really cool Kacchan!' And Katsuki ate it up every time until Eijirou came around. After Eijirou became friends with Kacchan Izuku's praise meant nothing to Katsuki. Nothing at all. So Izuku distanced himself from the two, made his own friends as they grew up. Until Katsuki noticed, then they fought. It almost became a fistfight until of course, Eijirou broke it up. And only Eijirou could calm Katsuki down, Izuku couldn't anymore. That was the day everything ended between the two males. 

I packed my bags last week, sunrise and I'm on my feet
Let's skip town and chase our dreams, 'cause this place ain't what it seems, so

Izuku was ready to leave. To chase his dreams, he was going to go live in America to gain a bigger fan base. To kinda start from scratch. When the news spread to Katsuki he wasn't happy. His exact words were: 'Are you running away nerd?' And maybe Izuku was but that's fine. He can do whatever he wants. He was running. Running from Katsuki. Running from Eijirou. Running from his feelings. Running away had always been his forte so why stop now? 

Come home, let's synchronize, my, soft lips caress your thighs
You, get me so fucking high, the, voices in my head collide, and

The boy with the eyes, Izuku knows him. He knows him a little too well. That boy, Shouto, had been looking for a reason to piss his dad off and Izuku just so happened to be in the area. They stumbled into the Todoroki household and giggled as they tried to quietly make it to Shouto's room. The faint scent of weed rubbing onto the furniture that they bumped into. Both boys were high as the moon but couldn't seem to bring themselves to care. So they went to Shouto's room to forget. To forget the trauma, the heartbreak, and everything in between. Needless to say, Shouto's dad was pissed to high heaven when he found them that morning.

I think you're really cool like (I think you're really cool like)
I think you're really cool like (I think you're really cool like)
Yeah, I think you're really cool like (I think you're really cool like)
Yeah, I think you're really cool like

The song is nearing the end and Izuku feels so much better. He feels enlightened. Who needs Kacchan anyway? Izuku was his own man, he could do whatever he pleased. But he knew after this concert that all those feelings would come crashing down again and he wasn't ready. He would never be ready and that was alright. He didn't need to be. He just needed to get through today, so he could never see Katsuki again. So his feelings could disappear. Then he would finally be happy.

Another voicemail came over the speakers but this time there is a guitar behind Izuku's voice.

Keep your voice down, he don't care no
I can't breathe I've got no air, no sympathy for my despair
I cut my wrists and grow my hair
I'm outta my mind (Out of my mind, yeah)
I'm outta my mind (Out of my mind, yeah, yeah)
I think I'm outta my mind
I think I'm outta my mind
I think I'm outta my mind
I think I'm outta my mind
I think I'm outta my mind

Izuku smiles at the crowd as the song ends. He locks eyes with Katsuki one last time. "I hope you all enjoyed that song! Thank you so much for coming to my last show here for a while! I'll be back soon with new music so keep an ear out! I love you all, have a good night everyone!" Izuku ran backstage to clean up. And is greeted by four faces. The first being Urataka, the second Shouto, and the other two Katsuki and Eijirou. Izuku stiffened at the sight of the two holding hands but the tension left his shoulders when Shouto placed a gentle hand on him. 

"Izu-chan, good job out there. But I'm still upset you're leaving me, now who'll help me piss my father off?" Izuku laughed at Shouto's antics and gave him a soft smile.

"Don't worry Shoucchan! I can still piss your dad off over the phone." Shouto's face was adorned with a small smile and nods his head in confirmation. He turns to leave but Izuku grabs his wrist his eyes begging Shouto to stay. 

"Deku. You didn't fuck up like I thought you would. But don't think I'm complimenting you or some shit 'cus it was still bad." Katsuki's words hung in silence for a few moments. Until Eijirou spoke too. 

"Yeah! That last song was super awesome, you're so manly to be able to talk about your feelings so publicly!" It made Izuku feel bad. It made him feel so shitty because here he was hating Eijirou for his own selfish reasons, what kind of person was he becoming?

"Thanks, Eijirou, and thanks Kac- Katsuki. It means a lot." Uraraka whispered something in his ear about having to leave soon. "I'm really sorry but we've gotta go. It was nice seeing you guys again. I'll call you before and after I land, alright Shoucchan?" Shouto simply nodded before departing with a soft hug. Izuku was really going to miss this place. But as he said, he'd be back sooner or later. He'd be back and he would be a new man.